Michigan Camp Meeting 2017

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Marriage Heart to Heart

Alane Waters

Tom Waters

1. An Enduring Commitment

Father in Heaven, thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity we have this afternoon to hear about your plan for marriage.

Thank you for each person that is here and each couple that is represented, whether their spouse is here or not.

Lord, we know that the devil has been very busy and he's out there trying to destroy us, destroy our relationships and our marriages, but our homes, but we know that you're stronger and more powerful and I just ask that as Tom and Elaine share that you would just so fill this room, that your presence will be here in a powerful way, that you will work miracles in the lives of those of us who are needing that.

And Father, we just thank you so much for this opportunity to be here at camp meeting.

And again, we just thank you so much for loving us and that you're gonna be coming soon to put an end to all of this mess down here.

So thank you and we love you in Jesus name, amen.

So I'm just gonna let them take over from now and...

All right, so they told me at the soundboard that since whoever had opening prayer, so we're good to go, right?

Well, it's delightful to be here with you and for me it's an an added joy because I went to school when this school was Cedar Lake Academy.

So you can find his pictures out there in the archives of the class of 1974.

Yes, and fortunately, We had enough other things happening because when my wife saw that picture out there she said I want you to tell me what girlfriends you had while you were here.

And he said girlfriends and I said yes you were here for 2 years 2 to 3 a year that would be 4 to 6 girls I should see their pictures of right I said it wasn't like that I said was it more and he didn't answer like no but we have been busy ever since so anyway Maybe we'll have a chance to look through those pictures as well.

So today, it is a delight to be with you, and we're looking forward to what God has in store for all of us.

1 of the greatest blessings that we have as we minister in many places in the world is that what we share is a blessing to us as well as you.

Because what we share are not just topics about marriage.

They are what has helped us become more like Christ and have a greater love.

And so we're not just sharing something for you, we're sharing something for all of us today.

And today what we're going to be talking about is an enduring commitment.

Can I give a couple other things before we get going?

Before we actually get in the topic of today, at the end of each day, we're going to do a drawing, OK?

And so when you came in, you were asked to put your names on paper and put it in a little box or something back there.

If not, we'll give you permission to slip back there and do that.

Now, if you are the person who wins the drawing today, then tomorrow and the remainder, please don't put your name in the box, okay?

Because we want to give somebody else an opportunity to take away something that's a little bit more memorable from this seminar.

And also at the end of each presentation, maybe we'll do it today, but for the rest of the week, the last 10 to 15 minutes, we are setting aside for question and answer.

So there's also some papers on that entry table that you can write questions on and just make sure they get to us and we will answer them.

I mean, we don't mind taking a hand, you know, 1 of these kind of questions, but sometimes the questions are of sensitive nature and you may not feel comfortable being the 1 to raise your hand and have the other 100 people turn around and see you ask your question.

So we try to be sensitive to that, because we know this seminar is designed to bring our marriages closer in love with 1 another and closer to the love creator Christ our savior.

So we will talk about some of those more sensitive topics throughout the seminar.

Not today, so those of you who brought your children, you're fine.

But we will let you know when those topics are going to come up.

And lastly, my husband did bring ties, okay?

And he was getting ready to put it on, And Gail said, you don't have to wear that.

Is that okay with you guys, he doesn't have to wear it?

We just came from our California family retreat.

We flew out yesterday from California, and it was nearly 100 degrees.

And my husband, it was Sabbath, so he had his tie on.

And I started sweating just looking at him because his collar was going wet and the beads of sweat was coming down and the air conditioner could not keep up with the volume of people packed into the auditorium.

So anyway, I said, honey, I thought it would be okay.

So I'll be cooler and he'll be more comfortable, so we'll do good together.

When we made our vows together as husband and wife, Did we do that as a disposable contract?

We were making vows, we were making a commitment that was to endure at least in 1 phrase of the vows when we did it.

I'm not sure if that's changing, but it was until death do us part.

We live in a society today where that commitment in many people's thinkings and it's kind of scary because you know by beholding we become changed and what we behold today in much of the world is going downhill very quickly and there is an intentional agenda, and I'm sure most of you know this, if not all of you, an intentional agenda to destroy the marriage that God sanctified.

And to say that not only does marriage not matter, but, you know, it doesn't even matter that we're made in the image of God anymore because we can just be whatever we want to be.

I saw something recently that was shocking.

A person who decided they wanted to be a dog.

I don't know if any of you have ever seen that.

But they decided to be a dog and now they go around as a dog.

They have special, I mean, this world is unraveling, but our marriages don't have to unravel with the world.

And so we made a commitment, for better or for worse, and all those things that was going to endure.

You know, we also, when we said those wedding vows, we made that commitment, we also got a certificate, right?

That our names are inscribed on, and the pastor or whoever did the service that their name is on.

And do you know, how many of you know where that marriage license is, marriage certificate?

Ours is still hanging on the wall, 37 years, hasn't faded out yet, we try not to put it in the direct sun, but it's more than that document, it's more than a piece of paper.

It is what we have committed to, to love 1 another and before God.

It is an eternal contract because it was signed and sealed in heaven, this earthly marriage here.

So for too many of us, and no matter how great your marriage is or how stressed your marriage may be, for all of us, we still find times that sometimes marriage can be challenging, right?

For honest, I mean, anybody married more than 40 years?

Because we just read something recently that says now within this new generation coming, that don't be surprised all these people living to 100 plus years old, right?

So wow, I said, with that, we can bump up our expectation of how long we get to live happily ever after.

So we're shooting for 85 and maybe more, should the Lord linger that long.

But All of us have times when our self gets in the way of that enduring commitment.

And our self is what helps to create the conflict that sometimes leads to misunderstandings and maybe pain and disappointment, discouragement.

2. Please Understand Me

Father in heaven, we are thankful for this camp meeting.

We're thankful for the opportunity to have meetings that encourage our walk with you.

And today we're going to be encouraging our marriages.

The topic today, Father, we just ask for your Holy Spirit to guide us and to bless each 1 of us that we will be more understanding.

Understanding of your will, understanding of your power in our marriages, and understanding of 1 another as husband and wife.

Now you know that each of us in the marriage wants to be understood.

I don't have to ask you if you want to be understood.

We just want to be understood, not realizing that she would like to be understood too.

And we talked about the me focus yesterday for those that were here.

In the me focus, I just want to be understood and as long as you understand me, then I feel understood.

And so the beauty of the gospel and of surrender to the Lordship of Jesus is that in the golden rule, you remember what the golden rule says?

It says that we ought to do unto others as we would want them to do unto us, right?

And when we're really tuned into the Lord, it isn't just please understand me, it's I want to also understand you, right?

Not as loud as this 1, but it will trade.

We have had too many times in our marriage dips where there was a lack of understanding.

And when that happens, there's feelings and emotions that accompany that.

And then sometimes if we don't deal with it right away, they continue to get bigger and bigger and bigger and more and more ugly.

And we actually got to points in our marriage.

It hasn't happened for a long time, but we got to points in our marriage where we would just avoid certain topics because we knew from past history that they always brought conflict and heartache.

And today we want to tell you the good news is that we don't have to do that anymore and neither do you.

There can be any topic about our relationship that we can talk through.

Nothing has to go shoved away in the closet anymore.

And that can be for all of us here today, because we're going to be talking about the fundamentals of learning how to understand 1 another, and most importantly, how the power of God works in our hearts so that we can go outside of our human abilities and experience the joy that God brings in the harmony in the relationship.

I want to tell you a simple, a very short and simple story, but it's very illustrative.

And it is true, this 1 doesn't happen to be our story, but we have plenty of our own stories that you'll hear through the week but this 1 is somebody else's story that that we have been allowed to share.

1 day this gentleman, he wasn't actually acting much like a gentleman at this moment, but he walked into the kitchen and his wife is frying a couple of eggs on the stove top.

And he comes right over her shoulder and he said, watch out, flip those things, they're gonna burn.

You don't have enough oil in the pan turn them quick they're too long on that side you never listen to me when you're in the kitchen And his wife turns around and says to him, what in the world is going on with you?

You don't think I can fry a couple of eggs?

And he said, well, I've been looking for a way to somehow get you to understand how I feel when I'm driving.

How many men have ever felt like your wife didn't understand when you're driving?

Well, sometimes they're just afraid to raise their hands.

Their wife might think something or whatever.

He said, you know, We're going to share plenty of examples, but I have to say that this was an issue in our marriage.

Because, and we talked about this morning, because even as we, you know, refresh this little story in our minds, we were discussing it, it's like, yeah, and my mind had all these flashbacks of how many times, you know, I'm thinking, oh honey, you know, did you notice it went to 35?

And I said, sometimes, honey, you see things I never see.

And I am looking at things that say construction ahead, and reduce speed ahead, and the orange signs, the white signs.

And I have to be very, very honest he's very attentive now.

I wonder where you're gonna go with that.

She used to say to me, this is a classic, we're going down the interstate and they have these big signs over the interstate that are flashing, construction ahead, mile marker 126.

We'd go under that sign and she would say, honey, did you see that sign?

So part of the funniness of this story that's real is that we are guilty men, often, guilty as charged, but we still want to be understood, don't we?

I mean, we wish that she could see the whole picture, but...

He told me this morning, honey, the problem is, is that before I even, I see the sign, but before I can even kind of, you know, take my foot off the accelerator and start to coast and slow down, you already are saying something about it.

Sometimes we are ahead of where they are because their mind is somewhere here and then, oh, 0 yeah, I think I just saw that, you know, that sign is at 35 now.

So I am learning, because it's still a growth of grace, I am learning not to be so quick, but he has actually in times thanked me for seeing signs that he missed, especially when there's a little black and white down the road with the radar set and he isn't 1 that gets the little flashing lights after him, somebody else.

And I tell you what, this is heads up, if you ever drive through Arizona and they have a construction zone, they mean what they say.

Every time we go from our little, you know, in to get our mail 30 miles away, there's a new construction zone there.

They're putting a new bridge in on the interstate.

3. Malfunction to Miracles

So today we're going to be talking about moving from malfunction or in our case malfunctions plural, we had plenty of them, from malfunctions to miracles.

Those miracles we have had the privilege not just to read about them in other people's story but over the years God has given us the privilege and opportunity to work with scores of couples that God has done miracles in their marriage and he can do it for any of us, okay?

He's had to do plenty in our marriage, that's for sure.

So we want to take you back to 2 months before we were married.

So we've been married 37 years, so that's going back a while.

Just like coming here to What used to be Cedar Lake Academy I was here in school 42 years ago as a senior that's going back a ways 1 1 young pastor here who a friend of ours who has been a longtime friend introduced us to he said wow that's going back to the dinosaur age.

After he walked away, she said, he hasn't learned to be discreet yet.

You know, a lot of you, well, some of you haven't, you know, weren't even around then at that time.

So we're going back to 2 months before our wedding, and 1 of my associates in radiology was getting married.

So he was getting married a couple months ahead of us.

And so he invited me to be a groomsman in his wedding and to sing for their wedding and do a few other things.

And so I said, well, let me talk to my fiancé.

Because again, the default mode for most guys is just to right off the cuff to say, well, sure, I'll be in your wedding.

I said, I don't know anybody in Lowell's wedding.

You're not going to know anybody else either and it's going to be a quick weekend.

This is what they want me to do so I'm going to be busy through the entire weekend.

The other thing he told me is that the wedding was going to take place in Boston.

So we were living in Illinois, so you all know that Boston's a bit of a distance from Illinois, so that's okay.

I mean, it's just a quick weekend, right?

And we're all excited about our upcoming wedding so we're thinking about all the people that are coming in to help us out so sure he said, yeah, I'll go, I'll be happy to be a groomsman and sing and whatever else I can do to help.

Well, as we talked about it, both of us have come from the background where our mothers, particularly, were very good savers financially, which proved to be a blessing.

And finances has never been an issue for us in marriage like it is for many people, which has been another blessing.

So I said to her, you know, we don't know anybody there, I'm going to be busy the whole weekend, so maybe it would just be better to save our money and you stay at home.

I didn't get any moans or groans on that.

I mean, it's just going to be really quick And so, you know, a few hundred dollars in a plane fare, that's significant, right?

So anyway, I said, yeah, I think that's all right.

And I figured there'd be plenty for me to do at home, getting everything set up, because we were going to be newlyweds, and I'm sure there's a lot of things that could still be put around the house where they needed to find a permanent spot.

That was great for both of our mentality for saving.

And then as things unfolded It turned into a longer weekend.

So in order to get there in time for the rehearsal, he had to leave on Thursday instead of Friday.

And instead of the wedding being on Sunday morning, it was on Sunday evening, therefore he couldn't come home till Monday.

So the short weekend turned out to be 5 days.

And that was okay because now the tickets bought and, you know, I can work Thursday and Friday and Monday.

And I can remember, that was the last conversation we had after we booked the ticket.

And now it's Thursday morning and we are driving to O'Hare Airport.

This is a long time ago when you could actually go all the way to the door of the airplane.

Many of you are old enough to remember that, right?

And so I am thinking, he's driving of course, I'm going to drop him off, but he's driving himself there.

And I am thinking as we're coming into the airport that we're going to go into short-term parking so that I can go into the airport with him and go all the way to the gate.

And because we're so in love, we're going to sit together until he has to get on that plane.

I was totally unaware of this malfunction at the time.

But as I drove up, being the efficient person that I was and try to be, although my efficiency has turned more towards gospel efficiency, not just my efficiency, but I pulled up and I went right past short-term parking and ended up in front of ticketing.

And I immediately got out of the car, got my suitcase out.

You know, so I got out of the car and he said, I love you.

He gave me a kiss and he walked through the door and that was the end.

I never knew I did a malfunction on that until later as the story unfolds.

But I flew off to Boston and my dear wife.

I couldn't wait to get home because, okay, this is a long time ago.

There was probably not a thought of a cell phone back in that day.

Oh, they were tracking devices in the military, I think, at that time.

We should have tuned into the military then.

But anyway, so I was looking forward to going home and waiting in the evening because I wanted to hear how things were going.

He got there, where he's staying, who he's staying with, how things are rolling out.

So it's Friday morning and I'm going to work and I'm starting to feel a little bit bad because I didn't hear from him and I thought like every good wife does, we put the best construction on, don't we?

I want to put that little phrase at the beginning.

That's a very important little phrase, at the beginning.

So I'm thinking, oh, my husband, he is reserved, and he's a little bit shy and doesn't like to inconvenience people, so he doesn't know these people.

He probably doesn't even know where their phone is.

He's probably too a little bit shy or hesitant to ask if he can borrow the phone because not only did they not have cell phones, but if you made long distance calls in those days, you had to pay for it, showed up on your bill, right?

And so anyway, I always had all these great reasons.

And they were actually pretty close too on those reasons.

So Friday I worked all day, and I'm thinking all day what he's doing, right?

I'm envisioning, okay, he's meeting up with his friend, They're getting ready to do the rehearsal all these you know pre wedding We had just been married 2 months before I know all the things that happened before the wedding and I'm envisioning all these things happen Rolling out on Friday, and I can't wait to get home so that he will call me and tell me all about what's going on.

All those things that she said were true.

I mean, I am much more reserved, which people sometimes have a hard time believing that, because, okay, so you're up front talking to people, but I can tell you that that's not my favorite place to be.

But I am more reserved and it was difficult.

I didn't know where their phone was and it is a place, you know, it's in the days where phones were on walls, connected, no privacy.

4. For Our Love

Father in heaven, we are thankful that you are our God, our Father, that we can come to you and we do right now as we begin this last presentation together in this marriage seminar.

We ask that you would bless us, that your Holy Spirit would work in each 1 of our hearts, Lord, that we would be sensitive and surrendered to your will, that we can turn our me focus that just so automatically comes up into an us focus through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit and through your love and we thank you in Jesus name Amen for our love that's what we're going to be talking about today.

Because many times, And you've heard us say this over and over again through this week.

Many times we just slip unintentionally but naturally into the me focus.

So today we're going to be talking about how we can really grow our love.

Speaking of growing, We were asked to do the Michigan Conference Marriage Retreat up at Campus Sabol a year ago, March.

And as we were there sharing that retreat and, you know, giving people Encouragement as to how we can make our marriages better.

I told my wife right in the middle of it I said I am experiencing another love growth spurt That's good news, isn't it?

No, I mean, before he ever said anything, I knew it was happening.

And it was so exciting to think that, you know, when we're in a venue like this and we have a lot of responsibility, we have a term.

So that's where I am, but you know, there's other things can come later, but to have an incredible, visible, physical, emotional communication, love, growth spurt in the middle of your work, that's exciting isn't it?

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Series

Marriage Heart to Heart

1. An Enduring Commitment

Transcript

Parent Series

Parent Conference

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Recorded

Parts

1. An Enduring Commitment

1h 5m

2. Please Understand Me

1h 7m

3. Malfunction to Miracles

1h 9m

4. For Our Love

1h 2m

Sound Doctrine