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Enhancing Emotional Intelligence

Allen Lloyd




  • November 17, 2015
    12:00 PM
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Today we're going to be talking about enhancing emotional intelligence. And this is really part of living the psychological good life. I'm going to actually start out. Quoting from a philosopher. That. I agree with most of what he says on this lied. But I don't agree with everything that he says and see if you can figure out the part that I don't agree with. If we get our lives working or projector working. So we all you guys are in in most of you I'm sure in graduate school so maybe you don't have to see it on a slide. Just remember what I'm saying here. There are many ways to demonstrate anger. And anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree. And at the right time. And for the right purpose. And in the right way. That is not within everyone's power. And that is not easy. What part do I not agree with that it's not within everyone's power it actually is once you learn the principles of emotional intelligence. First of all what is emotional intelligence it's understanding your emotions. And the emotions of others and responding to those emotions. In a healthy way. It sounds pretty simple. But of course there are things involved with that one of the reasons why we're talking about it emotional intelligence as far as living the psychological good life is Studies have shown that this has much more to do with your success and happiness than even your I.Q.. You know your I.Q. was measured for many of you in taking the Empat test you don't realize it but that's actually an I.Q. test it's not. Really testing other types of things per se. And of course that I.Q. test. Has some in accuracies to it as well it's not a completely accurate test. And of course those that are studying for dentistry and other graduate schools those are things that they're actually trying to measure in these pre-ignition tests is your I.Q. in a sense to be able to handle the material that you're going to be learning and be able to be successful. But studies show that I.Q. actually is not related to an enjoyable life. That's why we have the term. Ignorance is bliss. But of course. Even that isn't quite completely true because the effects of your ignorance eventually catches up with you when you live some very non blissful moments. As a result of it. But actually what is much more connected to not only a happy life but a fulfilling life is your emotional intelligence. Now how I got in the involved in the area of emotional intelligence actually is because of our involvement in depression and anxiety recovery. What we were surprised to find out when we were doing our Pria admission tests that are posted mission tests. Was Not only did to depression and anxiety. And in the majority of people. Was gone. In ten days. By their emotional intelligence. Significantly improved in a ten day period of time. And in fact most individuals that and the program doubt only and depression and anxiety free but they end the program normally in the top twenty percent tile of emotional intelligence that means that they are being placed their brains are being placed in a position to be far more successful than people that have never suffered from depression and anxiety. And so when I realized that I thought what would happen if we have people with good brains who were not depressed and anxious. Applying these principles. And that's of course how we can have a great brain come about but one of the things that we actually to do in our comprehensive program in fact I was just lecturing to a large. Non-Christian audience. Primarily acknowledge sticks and atheists. Just this past weekend up in Portland Oregon. And we were explaining to them. The principles that we use to enhance emotional intelligence. And one of the questions it tends be a common question was you know you didn't mention anything about Eastern meditation. You know. This needs to be something that I'm sure you incorporate in a comprehensive program to improve depression and anxiety and emotional intelligence and. Actually we don't. Not because we're not aware of the most of all or some of the effects of meditation. In fact one of the things I would encourage you to do when you're studying the results of tests of Eastern meditation is see if they actually look for any adverse effects. We actually have a speaker. Coming from Asia. Then. Former Zen Buddhists. In our. Emotional intelligent somewhat unfair words and narrow of science us as well. But he's actually going to be taking a look at that part that actually is. You know there are certain areas of science that are actually not necessarily true science because they're not looking at it in the in the correct way and I could go into several of those things this is how Miss are actually developed even in the scientific world. But the Eastern meditation specialist that's coming is going to be talking about all of the various Eastern meditation techniques the good the bad. And the ugly. And this is one area that in many medical and scientific journals they never even looked for adverse effects. And can you imagine studying a drug only looking at the efficacy. But not looking at side effects and. But this is. We actually do use a form of meditation. But it's a form of meditation that I realize. Have some healthy things meditation wise when I was actually in medical school. Number of years ago. One of my rotations I actually did as an elective up in Michigan. When I was in medical school and. I had a bio feedback monitor. Implanted on me. It could be there day and night it was actually a device that went into my ear. Measured my galvanise skin pressure. And when I was under stress. The pitch would go up. And when I was not under stress. The pitch would go down and. I was surprised at things that I didn't think were stressful for me but I would hear the pitch go up you know when I walked into a room as a medical student to do a history of. Physical. I didn't think I was nervous at all but all the sudden the pitch. Went out right before I went into that room. And when it was rounds with the attending when he was gathering the students in the residence around him and he was starting to ask questions the pitch would start to go up in my ear and I thought I don't think this is really bothering me but in reality. You know it is and so that I would try to actually get it down low as low as I possibly could and I would do things and imagine certain things and try to get the pitch down low. But it wasn't until all. That evening when I was the first day that I had placed and when I was an active career. To God that in the middle of that prayer I thought. I don't hear this. And then I could realize. Yes I do. I'm never heard it. That low. And that's when I realized that instead of Eastern meditation which are using. Mindfulness or mine less next. Techniques to produce a self hypnotic trance. That a prayer which utilizes the frontal lobe of the brain can have some very beneficial. Characteristics to it. Now in. Speaking about prayer which is something that we actually utilize in our program. What is the definition of prayer. Let's say I think Oh we missed this things to all just take it off of the presentation. If we do. Ever get our slides working today. But. Prayer is attempting to communicate with the divine. And. The book. Education which was actually written by one of the founders of Loma Linda University in fact the secretary of education in California said a few years ago that that book is far ahead of its time in regards to educational techniques and many of you are probably not aware that Loma Linda would not exist without this individual the. The church fathers were not for the building of Loma Linda University. And it was under tremendous persistence. One of the founders of the church. That we actually have Loma Linda today. But in the book education she talks about this as something that has to do with education. She says prayer and faith are closely allied. And they need to be studied together. Then she adds. In the prayer of face. There is a divine. Science. So in the prayer of faith there's actually science there it is a science that everyone who would make his life's work a success. Must understand. Do you want to have your life work to be a success. I know I do. And I would think that many of you do. And so this is something that you need to understand is the science of prayer. And how this can actually help us. Now. There are five components of emotional intelligence. Knowing our emotions as one of them. Sometimes we call that self awareness. And that means to be able to identify precisely what we're feeling. But not only what we're feeling but why we're feeling that way. And if why we're feeling that way just has to do with the outside world or what someone did to us or said to us. We're not knowing our emotions. Because it turns out. Our emotions. Actually stem from our thoughts. Yes it does have something to do with what happened to us but it's our thoughts about what happened to us that actually bring about our emotions. And then those emotions can then resolved in behavioral consequences. So that's a big aspect of improving your emotional intelligence as be able to know your emotions and to be able to be completely aware of why you're feeling and what you're feeling. Number two. Managing our emotions. People with low emotional intelligence are simply manage by their emotions. Day by day moment by moment. People with high emotional intelligence still have powerful emotions but they're managing those emotions. Distinctly different. Recognizing emotions and others. As part of emotional intelligence. And this is why empathy has a role to play when we recognize emotions and others and we are emotionally intelligent we will actually exhibit empathy which is one of the characteristics that can also help in our relationships. Managing relationships with others is the fourth aspect of things sometimes. This falls into the category called social intelligence which is very intricately related to emotional intelligence. And then the fifth aspect of emotional intelligence has to do with the word that's an emotion. And that's the word motion. If Irene motions are based on what's true and accurate all powerful a motivator us to achieve our goals. And also powerfully motivate us to achieve and to carry out a sense of purpose as well and so this is also why some people with high M. cat scores. Actually don't do well in medical school. If they have the I.Q. to do well but they didn't have the motivational aspect of things and and so this is why it's more than just I.Q. it's E.Q. as well. It's intercut Lee related to being successful even in a student environment. Now studies have shown improving E.Q. can effectively prevent or treat depression anxieties phobias obsessive compulsive disorder. Post traumatic stress disorder eating disorders and even addictions such as alcoholism. Pornography. But it also helps. Normal people think clear. Communicate more effectively. It fosters unity in group settings reduces polarising statements. Promotes a happier life. And all of this is accomplished without compromise or sacrificing the truth. Well what are the influences on emotional intelligence our genetic makeup has a role to play our childhood experiences have a role to play. Our current level of emotional support has a role to play. And then there are physical conditions if you're lacking in sleep for forty eight hours what do you think happens to your emotional intelligence does it go up or go down. It's going to go down. Nutrition has a vital role to play in fact when I was freaking in in Portland Oregon. It was actually a nutrition conference. And they were wanting to know the role of nutrition and emotional intelligence and. So we of course. Poke about that but I couldn't just speak about that because there is more than just nutrition. Alone. As far as factors that affect emotional intelligence. And he was well liked by common people as well as the well educated people. In fact the Bible says that one of the greatest individuals in his time which was the prophet Samuel when he met him he the Samuel loved him like his own son. He was anointed by God to become king and some people think that God was kind of. You know getting back at the people for wanting a king to begin with so they chose a bad king. But in reality. He chose the best man for the job. This man had all the characteristics to be a great campaign. And even after he was anointed to become can. He actually became more humble. And the Bible says that he ran across. Some people from the school the prophets and he began to prophesies and pray he recognized his deep. Pendants upon God to be a successful leader. And when he started out in his leadership. He started out doing some great things. Very courageous. Very hardworking and very forgiving. To wards of those who had done him wrong. Even in the process of becoming king. His advisors told him to go after those people and he would not go after those people. But within a period of time he began to suffer from emotional problems and. There is a saying that you might have heard of power corrupts and absolute power corrupts have it corrupts absolutely. There is a human. Natural tendency for this to occur and we can follow this tendency. Many times in leaders. And even though he was a great leader to start out with he began to suffer from some significant emotional problems that adversely affected his ability to lead. Research is documented that negative thoughts which cause emotional turmoil nearly always contain gross to sort. Distortions. The thoughts on the surface appear valid but you will learn that they are irrational or just plain wrong. And that twisted thinking is a major cause of suffering. What's a major cause of suffering. Twisted thinking. So let's take a look. At King Saul's emotional issues. We know when people have emotional issues that are significant. It virtually always involves distorted thinking. And so this is something that's very important for us to learn the different ways of distorted thinking. And one that saw God into their ten different categories of distorted thoughts but the one that he started to get into the most is called magnification. Or minimization. This is when we major in minors. And we my minor and major. And there was a tremendous victory. That occurred in Israel as a result of his leadership. And the prophet Samuel comes to him afterwards and he thought it was going to be a great time of celebration and Samuel says. What is this that I see what is this that I hear you haven't followed all the council and saw minimises he is the stake. And he began to justify himself. And Confucius as a man that has made a mistake. And doesn't correct it is committing another mistake. And that another mistake. Is actually worse than the first because that means you doomed to repeat it you're not actually learning. And so he minimized it. Said It's no big deal it wasn't only until he began to suffer the consequences of that the heat tried to own up to it just to avoid the consequences. But David Schwartz says we can turn setbacks and a victory is fine the lesson applied and move on then look back on defeat and smile. The writer of Education says if you have made mistakes you certainly gain a victory if you see these mistakes and regard them as beacons of warning. Thus you turn defeat. Into victory. So we can actually all of us are of course have imperfections. And all of us are going to make mistakes. But when we make mistakes. Let's be responsible. Let's own up to our portion of the mistake. And not point fingers and other areas are trying to minimize it. And we can have that opportunity of growing. And actually becoming better people. Another area. In that he's minimized his own issues. His own mistakes but then he began to magnify particularly himself. And again this is a natural tendency when you're a leader when people continue to come to you for advice. In order to make decisions. Over time you can actually think that you are a very important person. And you start to think that the world. At least your world around you can operate well without you. And that you are an absolute necessity. And he began to develop this high sense of pride. And it's very clear that he had developed that because after another victory. When the people. The men were all marching in. And the women were there to celebrate the victory from for them and they had heard what happened in the battle. And so they all get together and saying this tremendous song and perfect harmony. Saul his slain is thousands. And David has tens of thousands. Saw wasn't Cherry heard of the first time. And I should admit that if I were sols position. And the choir director that day. I would have advised the women that change the layer. I remember they knew this man is a humble man. They were not doing this to try to denigrate solid all they were just trying to honor the all star of the battle and what they thought would happen is that he would put his arm around David and say. Yes I put him in the position to succeed. Aren't we glad that we have David. And how the Lord is working through David now. But instead. His pride was wounded. And he began to suffer. Significant Emotional issues of both depression and anxiety. Now William Backus someone who understands these ten different ways of distorted thinking. Has written the book. It's actually a good book if you want to improve your emotional intelligence it's called what your counselor never told you the seven sends that lead to mental illness. And the first send that he mentions is the sin of pride. And by the way it's not unique to saw there were others with emotional issues. That had this problem. If you remember. Now be can as are said Is not this great Babylon that I have Bill. Who was a magnifying magnifying himself. Arrogance. Cry and motional issues. Severe emotional issues. Rage. Loss of temper. In fact he would want to commit genocide on groups of people. And his problems were so severe it took more than a ten day program to get over them. It took even more than an eight week program to get over that. How long was never you can as its program. It was a seven year program. What did the Lord utilize. The first thing he did was put him on a plant based vegetarian diet. That is a diet that actually helps I mean. University of Phoenix others have shown the depression and anxiety scars will will go to last than half of what they were starting about two weeks after you're on a plant based diet. Now his diet. I mean his issues were so severe it couldn't just be any plant based diet had to be just the raw greens. In particular in addition. He had to. Exercise In fact if he didn't exercise he wasn't going to be able to eat. Circadian rhythms. Were put in balance hydrotherapy was part of the equation as well. But what really helped him in the end was getting rid of his cognitive distortions of magnification. So did the program work. It didn't work. It works so much that people don't realize. Never you can as there is actually a writer of the Bible he wrote an entire chapter. Daniel Chapter four of the Bible. And you can see how his whole demeanor changed instead of coercion and force and those type of things he just use simple appeal in reason. In order to try to get people to not go in the condition that he did. And also to take advantage of improving their emotional intelligence. Well if we had a screen for you to look at I would go through the symptoms of pride but I'll just mention them this is from William Backus as book to see whether you might have a. Trying to be noticed. Craving attention. It's in for compliments. Needing to be important. Detesting the idea of being submissive. Loving the idea of admitting to wrongdoing. Strongly opinionated. Being argumentative. Demanding your way. Wanting control over others. Flaunting your individual rights. Refusing advice. Being critical. Yet resenting criticism being oversensitive and thinking you have excellences you don't have. William back to says watch out you don't have to have all of those. Just one or particularly more than one. Pride is there. And what's going to follow. Is wounded pride and wounded pride. Set yourself up for a lot of emotional issues and contrast. We have Christ who wanted the best biographies about him stated that as Christ was never a lated by applause. Never in lated by applause why is that. Out of all people he probably should have been the one that could have developed a sense of self after all he created the world. But he was never a lighted by applause because he never allowed himself to develop that sense of arrogance easy or self-importance. Never related by applause and then the author goes. Nor dejected by censure a disappointment. Those two are connected if you're never elated by applause. You're not going to be dejected by century or disappointment. And then she goes on to say. Amid the greatest opposition. And the most cruel treatment as much opposition is you've had as much cruelty has been manifested your way. You're still not up there with Christ because he had the greatest opposition the most cruel treatment he was still good courage. First saw it was music therapy what type of music. It was actually heart music car past some wonderful characteristics we utilize this in our program one of the characteristics as you can play it too loud. It's the more softer tone is the melodious harmonious tones that can help balance the brain. And it would balance his brain he would actually feel better again. And he would actually correct some of those distorted thoughts there were times when David came to on as not of the music therapist but when he got so severe he couldn't be as music therapists anymore because it was dangerous and he he did become his counselor though. By going out in the away from him and giving him some counsel and advice and saw after listening that advice say David you're right. Go home it's going to be safe I was wrong I'm thinking a bad I'm thinking distorted. But he didn't practice correcting his distorted thoughts for more than two weeks. And this is one of the things that individuals have to do they not only need to correct their thoughts but they need to practice practice practice. Well finally saw got into significant anxiety as a result of not only his thoughts. But what was happening to the nation. The greatest threat. Ever was coming to the nation. And the Bible says Sol saw the host of the Philistines. He was afraid and his heart greatly tremble and salt. Inquired of the Lord. So saw. Now goes to prayer. We talked about how prayer is a good thing. But the Bible says The Lord didn't answer him the way Saudi Should saw one of them to answer. Saw him three options. And how to answer him. By the way. Being aware of demanding that the Lord answer the prairie in the way you stated should. But the other thing that you need to be aware of is if he doesn't answer you. It's probably because he's already answered you. And you haven't been following his counsel this is why David said. If I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear me. And Nick what he the root word is bent or crooked thoughts. So for thinking bent to occur could thoughts and we're going to be persistent in that the Lord is not going to be able to influence us because he's all about truth. Both the. All the New Testament say. Cannot lie I suppose he could if he wanted to. But he puts truth above himself. Truth is actually above themself and he's not going to be were allies are at so we have to be willing to straighten out our own thoughts. In order to be adequately. Influenced by him. The purpose of prayer is not to get what we want the G. here that. If the purpose of prayer was to get what we want wanted. The most selfish people in the world should be praying the most. The purpose of prayer is not to get what we want. It's not to change the heart and mind of God. It is to have God change our heart and mind. In accordance with His will. And how can we accomplish this purpose. You know the disciples were envious of Christ. In some ways where it's good to be envious of. They recognize that he had a very fulfilling. Prayer life. To the point where they said Lord teach us to pray. And he taught them some things. He said first go into your closet In other words. Have this be private time. Where you can actually talk out loud to God That's how he knew they knew he had a great perlite because they were hearing him talk out loud he thought he was alone sometimes and then they would come up on him and when he was talking out loud when you do that you can actually concentrate more. It actually is something where your mind doesn't get distracted. And so he told us to take time alone. Go in your closet and pray out loud can fast Pacific send specific distorted thoughts that might lead us into it by the way before there is a central act there's always a sinful thought. And those sinful thoughts are always based on one of those ten distorted. Ways of thinking. Read the word. When you see a promise. Claim made in prayer so read the word out loud when you're in prayer time. And when you see a command. Ask the Lord if you're in compliance with that command. As you communicate with God in His Word. This will be far more powerful than any meditation technique that could be described where it's a self hypnotic way of just trying to get you to feel better. This is something that can actually be a rudimentary way of changing your thoughts into what is true and accurately and true and accurate. And actually powerfully put us in a position to more of that you always think. True and accurate thoughts that will bring about an emotional stability. That can't be obtained. In other ways. That's why the psalmist said Search me thoroughly know my heart try me and know my what. Thoughts In other words he said I don't see any distorted way. And most of us doubt. You know others can see our distorted ways of thinking a lot easier than we can often and you can find someone elses. But the toughest thing is to recognize your own distorted way. And that's why David said. Try me know my thought see if there is any wicked. Or distorted way in me and lead me in the way. Everlasting any questions or comments about what I've presented here today. Does it make sense. Let's utilize the true form of meditation. And actually enhance saying. Our emotional intelligence. The name of the author is William Backus be a Sikh A us. And the name of the book is what your counselor. Never told you. The seven cents that lead to mental illness. Shall we close with prayer. Father in heaven we thank you that you are interested in our health of body mind and soul. And we thank you that you've given us the ability to communicate with you. We understand her haps more fully that that faith and prayer are closely aligned and we pray that each one of us more might more fully understand the science of prayer. Experience wholly in our life. So that we might experience not only the psychological good life but to truly successful life. In Jesus name you've heard this media was brought to you by Adil first a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio. And much more. If you would like to know more about audio verse. You would like to listen to more sermon. Leave a visit. Be W W.


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