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Courtship Readiness

Phil Mills Sr.

Hosting its seventh annual conference, GYC's 2008 theme this was "For This Purpose." How do we find this purpose? By listening to and studying God's Word. Featuring inspirational speakers such as Justin Kim, Randy Skeete, Radim Passer, Chelsy Jourdan, Alistair Huong, Doug Batchelor, and more, this conference leads us in studying how we can reflect Christ's character.

Presenter

Phil Mills Sr.

Dermatologist in Northern Georgia

Conference

Recorded

  • December 18, 2008
    9:30 AM
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him when I was in medical school doing some of this researcher Ridgeland Loma Linda I found every question that Ellen White said we should ask about a prospective mate she had five questions for the fellas and she was a female so if you have a lot more for the girls eighteen I did an exhaustive search of all of the material that has to do with courtship and marriage and I looked for every and was the same eight eighteen questions same five questions these are all here questions you must ask you must know and we will not be able to to cover the questions in our in the three-time lectures which we have three studies these are actually three oh six so we had to select three of the studies and so to get those questions there are many different marriage customs around the world they internal medicine resident from another country rotated through my author 's a few years ago we got acquainted and she was she told me about the where she was born and then I asked her how she met her husband and generally want to say too much about it because it do not it might sound different message and I'm never giving a seminar on courtship and marriage can you tell me that is starring and she did her parents were in the barn in the end they responded to an ad in a new magazine and there was her prospective husband actually lived in Wichita Kansas they live in another bring him to our parents met a other parents and interestingly enough three days before the marriage her husband and flew back and they got married and have a happy marriage good match solid marriage may sound strange to our Western ears but in many parts of the world this is a common custom that was the how and Mary gave it was an arranged marriage it was common in price day Christ marriage himself is an arranged marriage the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son until two hundred and fifty years ago that was and even in Western lands pretty typical for courtship parents were Jews this allows for the child children had little involvement then the Romantic age gave the romantic period of art of music of literature and of courtship now we come to the place that parents must not even advise the children during this time of life we gone from the time our parents chose the styles to a time when the parents are not to be involved in the selection generations of drawn out and followed this type of dating in marriage but the romantic it is now in the left front page of the Wall Street Journal signaled the end it was article titled Cheech a lasting marriage combat it said that there was a growing body of research has suggested that there's no such thing as a compatible couple him in the sand that all couples can argue about the same thing across the board same arguments most disagreements never are resolved and so they advised that spouses should honor discord vision I think this was a trial blown good homes are said to be this garden homes really I'm not making this up this is not even some practical suggestions such things as scheduling weekly arguments but of course dividing saves marriage why limited to once a week instruction infighting was recommended for each spouse this is a serious article by some of the biggest names in marriage counseling today just as the romantic period of music art and literature dissolved people are giving up on marriage denying the compatible couples exist the age of romance is gone we've entered the age of despair but when the experts conclude that the key to lasting marriages combat they prove the truth of Isaiah 's observation the way of peace they know not unless the Lord builds her house you will labor in vain to build I remember making a decision that many of you here are making some are considering either determined by God 's grace back in college to follow God 's plan in dating and courtship and marriage for some of you you make a the sessions was the best decision I ever made to build my life around the word of God some of you are making a decision to make Jan a godly line would you do not have the advantage of being from others of you are making the decision to continue ungodly line but it's a decision you'll never regret to have a happy home in game is cross Christians resources on spouse selection and excited to be sharing this with you this today for the next three lectures because I've seen the happiness that comes to those who understand and gain the resources available to Christian this is a Bible and a spirit of prophecy based seminar please don't misunderstand me when I quote that latest literature statistics and research from current sociological and psychological thought study I'm not pointing to these studies is determinative OR of authoritative I'm just using them to illustrate what God 's word says and they simply quantify how true it is if I was going to talk to you about dermatology skin diseases I would not be able to cover all of dermatology in the next three hours I can only cover the highlights a few of them are common skin diseases and in a public presentation like this I can't cover the specifics of courtship probably for your situation I can only give the common principles there are major principles of the dating that are universal in our application that's what I want to talk about today each individual has a unique situation for themselves and as these applications need to be specifically apply to your situation as is taking principles and knowing how to apply them it's not enough to get the ingredients for a cake to have to know how to mix and match that only God can give wisdom and he wants to give us wisdom now I don't know any of you are very many of you Julie Arnell but not very many of you personally and the one I'm saying is not directed at you as an individual but over the years I've learned that many face similar problems in courtship and dating is not just happiness and roses there is also confusion and heartache and loneliness maybe someone here is seeking God 's guidance in a relationship that they are in right now I want to assure you that God will give you direction and not in that relationship there may be someone here who feels caught in a relationship that you like and what you feel like you've gone too far and so the relationship just continues the Bible can provide directions escape that trap there may be someone here who's feeling guilty about a prior relationship or maybe her the Bible can show you the way to peace there may be someone here was struggling with loneliness we want Christians life companion but you see no prospects for you may feel compelled to accepting the Christian life 's partner the bride Bible can bring you fellowship and contentment in the situation you're in you may be dating a non-Christian and wondering how this relationship will work out the Bible will give news insights into your situation these are sensitive and important issues that involve emotions and affections are desires and inclinations at the very deepest levels and yet I've discovered that people have a great deal of difficulty in understanding what they wanted to there may be someone here who was secretly struggling in the bondage of moral impurity indulging in thoughts and actions the dark in the life and bring shame and remorse but are overwhelmingly powerful seem impossible to break the Bible can bring you victory and power in the Christian way years ago a king of Israel gave away the secret of dating that leads to successful marriages rate it with me believe in the Lord your God and usually established believe his prophets and you shall prosper this is the formula to prosper not only in dating and marriage and in every area of life with the books of Genesis and judges we find a forbidden marriages and courtship is the sure route to apostasy can we find in the books of Ezra and Nehemiah and obeying God 's instruction in courtship and marriage is the sure way to revival in Reformation we want to carefully examine God 's instruction on how to help to have a happy home I assure you we will not be looking at combat training but neither will we let the romanticism guide is we want the word of God to guide us and will look to God let's pray father in heaven how little we know here I am talking to people with each one with a unique story and a half that you have to bring them happiness and joy in life dear Lord protect my lips from saying one thing that would turn someone away from your way speak to them use your word may it be wrapped with power and may multitude 's of happy homes be seen as a result of your time with us today in Christ name we pray amen education page forty one says every want God implants he provides to satisfy hunger prepares us to better enjoy food loneliness prepares us for greater appreciation of friendship and companionship Adam was just a few hours old and he watched as Jesus made animals and I don't know exactly what each one looked like but they began to be closer and closer to make anyone imagine that a mate for him debate and when God came around to the baboon I wonder if I fear crossed out with my demented guerrilla but it was always too by two God reserved for add-on a surprise but he did not give an leave until add out and felt his new band and to he gave Adam an opportunity to trust him to provide music I just doesn't provide for Adams alone he wants to provide for us to set the solitary in families the salt was says Jesus told his disciples that those would left family for his sake would receive a hundredfold now in this time when it is a Brothers sisters mothers and children a good wife is such a treasure that God wants to give it to us himself Solomon says you may inherit all your own from your parents but a sensible life is a gift from the Lord one of the great blessings that I received in medical school at Loma Linda was a time because studying intensely over a period of about three months the principles of God 's plan and courtship and marriage I found that it was a theme in Scripture and in the spirit of prophecy and then as a result of that study a group of us about ninety got together every Friday night for four weeks and we studied the principles of courtship and marriage many of us in that group made lifelong commitments that have protected us from some common dangers the series had out long-term results after years ago I was invited back to Loma Linda to give this series and I learned the story the rest of the story one of young people that attended she had a special continuing medical education course to take in San Francisco and so she was going to need mass the last of the studies which was en route I favor a contagious disease the heart of patient wanted a comeback for that and so Shay got a special playing the come back so she would be there in time for the study later I became better acquainted with her in fact I married her but she never told me that story home young fellow in Melbourne when I was giving this is a series asked me what I would recommend for how to find a good wife and I told him study the principles and then organize a seminar on courtship and marriage is but the principles are wonderful and marriage is built on God 's word are wonderful blessings Deuteronomy twelve seven you shall rejoice in all to which you have put your hand you and your household in which the Lord your God has blessed you Deuteronomy seven fourteen you shall be blessed above all people but marriage blessings are not automatic Satan seeks to make marriage occurs the statistics are dismal it's likely that in this room some of you have parents who are divorced on a plane out to speak in California on this topic I was sitting by the leading psychiatrists in Canada for marriage problems and he told me that the latest statistics are seventy two percent of marriages in Canada and in divorce one time Jesus was asked a question about marriage and divorce in his answer was so shocking that his disciples said it such is the case of a man with his wife it is better not to marry don't think you can disregards God 's instruction and do whatever you want him blessed by marriage Deuteronomy twenty nine nineteen and so it may not happen when he hears the words of this curse that he blesses himself in his heart saying I shall have peace even though I followed the dictates of my heart is of the drunkard could be included with the sober never forget it the way of the transgressor is what hard hard he gave them their request but send leanness to their souls the way of the transgressor leads through death Valley God 's greatest curse is to give us what we want nearly five million men and women will make marriage vows to each other this year based on the present trends forty three percent of those first-time marriages will end in divorce the median length of time for instituting a divorce it is six two years and we know that just because America does not end in divorce it doesn't mean it's happening a poor marriage is like for fitting shoes except you can just kick them off the data that Ellen White wrote a thoughtful article on marriage in review and Herald and she ask lovers to consider important question the path of married life may appear beautiful and full of happiness but why may not you be disappointed as thousands of others and then the sentence before this question was the statement marriage I want you listed as closely marriage and not my majority of cases is the most galling note that people don't go to the marriage altar trying to be unhappy I've never seen somebody miserable and crying tears of sorrow that way him him go to be halfway and there surprised and disappointed when they find that they are unhappily often miserable but a happy marriage is not just a matter of chance serves as a son people like do some unlucky son predestinated to be happy or miserable or perhaps the will of Allah no we determine the outcome you can make or destroy your own happiness you can make your position happy for unbearable how how the course which you pursue will create happiness or misery for yourself our destination is determined by the Rodrigue if you turn your bill go a different place up around five minutes ago South your choice I remember getting a GPS for our Baltimore G Weiss a trip it came that day we laugh for Baltimore July sixth and my wife said that's a sort of a toy why are you getting it but I'll as we traveled together and I did wonder whether I'd made a mistake as we traveled together we discovered how wonderful our guide just how my wife didn't have the GPS last night as she was coming here side to meet leave the meeting into your GPS on the phone and she said fell never never never do I want to be out of that car and him down without GPS you see we need a guide and what is that GPS that guides us in courtship and marriage and an astounding seventy says that for a seat delaying is the guy for most people as the prevailing sentiment but for the Christian he will not want to choose for himself at the Psalm forty three but will feel that God must choose for him as a human tendency to consider the grass greener on the other side of the face of the single you know what they want to put their single issue if only I could be married as many and when I talked unmarried people you know what they wish they were single again Pentagon thread of our sign never want to be married again and then presenting they can't wait for the merit if you're single take a hard look at the blessings and opportunities that a single person has as surprising as it sounds the first step to a happy marriage is how they live singly the choices you make as a single have a huge impact on happiness you're going to experience the nightlife if you're single seek to maximize the opportunities and privileges of being single provides God 's first called everyone is an unmarried ministry I read a report that ninety million people in the United States will be single for more than half of their lives during this time all can learn future home building skills Jesus asked the question if you've not been faithful in that now which is another man's will give you that which is your own if you are single seriously asked the question it is God calling made and continued on their administrative singleness is not simply a holding tank for being married singleness is a part of God 's plan every ones life at Sun since marriage however is a part of God 's plan for most into easy to overlook ignore dismiss or even despise God 's special calling to further unmarried ministry but before beginning courtship give adequate consideration to the possibility of future single ministry honestly ask yourself do I need time for further maturation need further development of important character qualities for greater effectiveness and happiness like Adam is God giving me opportunity to have increased realization of the need and preparation so that I can make somebody a happy marriage partner there is a difference in having some desire for a spouse and understanding a need for one recognition of natives regarding mentioned increases our appreciation of the benefit is God giving me for their time to develop trust in his providing for a renamed as a rule the value of singleness is underestimated many accomplishments and inventions occur before marriage Satoshi Kenneth Valley psychologists of the London school of economics research two hundred and eighty and the world 's greatest scientists he said that scientists rather quickly does this him from their careers after their marriage is marriage for unmarried scientists continue to make great scientific contributions later in their lives this pattern is true across the board in music art writing actually even prime by the way he says it himself I won't make making any major scientific breakthroughs now that I'm in my thirties and married very effective men have been called into a single married him in single ministries are later married ministries of course what is true of men is equally true of women today most of us would recognize the names of Ralph Nader Condoleezza Rice Supreme Court Justice David Souter all effective single people say singleness is not harmful is not something to be ashamed Paul called singleness a gift if you are single consider yourself singularly gifted it doesn't stand now I have anything first roentgen seven seven eight I wish that all men were even as my I myself each one has his own gift from God but I say to be unmarried and widows it is good for them if they remain even as I nail now would would Danielle have chosen God 's plan for his life captured castrated no children or grandchildren no family exiled from his own cut off from his family but he accepted God 's plan for him in his single ministry has enriched the rest of the world this possibility should also be considered by those with life-threatening and debilitating physical problems are serious mental illness White wrote to her granddaughter Mabel she said I want you to listen to what I'm going to save you him he was not on no account entertain thoughts of merit such a thing must not be thought of until you gain a decided victory over the dangers that threaten your physical health Mabel did listen to her grandmother 's counsel it didn't keep her from getting married it helped her have a blessed the marriage this is a picture you can see it very well because I can get her husband Wilford workman and herself in nineteen thirteen and then her picture in her golden years she died at the age of ninety six good health it's obvious the call the further unmarried ministry should be considered by those without current prospects those called the dangerous travel during times of great social upheaval war and insecurity Paul's counsel in times of emergency was because of the present crisis I think it is good for you to remain as you are you Mary did not seek a divorce re: unmarried do not look for a wife now in Madison when we diagnose a patient and were thinking about what prescription for writing we think God whether they are relative contraindications and then there are some absolute contraindications that under no circumstance to give them medicine this is not an absolute contraindication it's a relative contraindication because Paul quickly adds if you do Mary even know what sent there are however for circumstances in which marriage is absolutely contraindicated forbidden under any and all circumstances number one when the life 's partner is not a believer the Bible injunction is clear neither shalt thou make marriages with them Deuteronomy seven three my daughter thou shall not give in to his son nor his daughter Chantal taken in by sons the doors of heaven followed these unions no I slide the distraction of Jerusalem by Nebuchadnezzar is where the consequences of her men marriages the person answers the question is what should we do if our children choose the Mary an unbeliever we cannot under any circumstances give our permission we can't give our children away during such a ceremony we are forbidden in any way to countenance such a step the New Testament is equally clear we are not to be unequally yelp of unbelievers where to marry only in the Lord the true Christian Adventist on six days feels that it would be better to remain unmarried then the link is interest for life of one who chooses the world rather than Jesus and who would lead away from the cross of Christ the second half of contraindication as if parents are not in favor of the union address on seventy five ensure that child notwithstanding the Council and entreaties of inns parents persist in following his own course answer is that sort decidedly no not great with me not if you never marries the fifth commandment forbids such a course the third contraindication is if the couple are mismatched it would be far better not to marry at all than to be unfortunately married and for if the couples are unadoptable those were not willing to adapt themselves to each other 's dispositions so as to avoid unpleasant differences and conventions should not take this step that we seen singleness is not a bad thing Christ favorable on earth is the home of Mary Martha and Lazarus unmarried siblings close friends of each other what Jesus has sample of what God desires for brothers and sisters the children of Israel noir murder in God leading to the wilderness we must not follow their example don't murmur and complain if you don't have a boyfriend or don't have a girlfriend not dating he don't need to panic the girl the only girl I ever met in my life that wasn't planning to be married is now my wife we can never receive God 's best until we leave the decision revealed Philippians four eleven I've learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be what's the word content in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you may argue perfectly content to remain single for as long as this is God 's will for you if you are single we make this commitment to God just down the privacy of your mind let him know that you want his best that you will trust him with your future will you make a solemn and lasting commitment to never date or marry a non-Christian it is truth of the gospel God can overrule our mistakes can turn a curse and a blessing but we have a choice in life whether God is going to be our ruler or whether he is going to be our overruling and vote I want him to be the ruler of my life don't you I noted Adventist minister told me he said I have seen hundreds of people who were Christians and they married in non-Christian spouse him the spouse then later became a Christian join them and that the church but he says I've never and I'm sure there's exception this visit he had never seen an exception that the Adventist who married a non- believer who then they came Christian the Adventist American unbeliever was never as strong as the one who came in the first step in preparing for marriage is to maximize the opportunities we have thing single but the second step in preparing for marriage is to recognize God 's timing in your book said David they all were written in the days fashion for me when as yet there were none of them God has a plan for is our life to everything there is a seasons of Solomon and a time for every purpose under the helmet a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing the time the love and a time to hate and ladies and gentlemen the time to hate is not after their marriage is a special beauty when God 's timing is followed the baby is beautiful but if the baby never grows up because of arrested development my son busy as it's no longer considered beautiful he has made everything beautiful in its time first the blade then the air than the full corn in the year it is the very essence of all right faith sixteen twenty four it is the very essence of all rights fade to do the right thing at the right time Jesus recognize the importance of proper diamond became in the fullness of the times he would say mine ours in communist final public prairies of the father the hour is come he understood I mean he wants us to are you willing life Jesus to accept God 's timing for your schedule but will you be the one in charge of your schedule and will you say with David and my times are in your hands are you willing to seek to know God scheduled for your life you want to be true yet to be true of you as it was true the Christians in Rome you know the time man's great danger is the impatiently run ahead of Lord the Bible is filled with accounts of people who ran ahead of the Lord bringing difficulty on themselves when I was growing up everyone was dated and I wanted to please the Lord I want in life to please my parents down but I didn't understand God 's timing and it's fro of life like it is a gravity whether I understand gravity or not it still is there and I never had success or happiness in doing humans sincerely that which God 's word later I learned God 's word says that he is free mature premature little by little God revealed these principles to me I met each step he gave me an opportunity to decide Joyce still want to follow him to learn God 's timing is always better than my timing it's become my determined decision to understand and follow God 's timing ventures are you willing to wait on his timing this is not a small thing in courtship and marriage inlet to marriage is Harvard Doctor Mama what's the next two words that somehow of the evils that exist to the immature Americans there are things in life again the rush pregnancy development Camp Mirage it takes nine months and just station anything less is premature there's no pill this speed up the process and you can have a baby in two months premature the birth the greater the difficulty of survival if you take a free and a Peachtree and sometimes it would bloom but it was too early and that would be a frost would kill the blown the train would survive but the throat would be damage and God wants us to have fruit in his ministry just as their premature birth their premature courtships in marriage is often the very first point Ellen White would have to make when counseling couples was that their courtship was premature she wrote dear John this is here heard your John letter I am sorry that you have entangled yourself on any courtship with Elizabeth in any courtship with Elizabeth in the first place your anxiety upon this question as what's an expert fragile there are many dangers in premature portraits for courtship is my nature exclusive and demand if premature important friendships will fail to form this may close the doors of the future usefulness because of your friends are in as a you he would not have a chance to get acquainted with them in later years life 's partners who may be God 's choice for you might give you no consideration is your in another relationship when I go to a store and I'm looking at a book I well off when you look at a blog that is not shrink wrapping or the shrink wrap is taken off the look of the book but the book that I buy will have the shrink wrap in that don't allow your shrink wrapped to be prematurely taken off my second problem with premature dating as it may and with a breakup and former couples are left with regret for blame or guilt or anger couples or once the closest friends whew just of enemies that was one of the reasons why college I didn't date very much I didn't want to lose my friends the third this may lead to a marriage no surprise here but the risk of unhappy marriage is vastly increased that their project which is a long-term study of courtship and marriage began in nineteen eighty one with one hundred and sixty eight newlyweds had determined by nineteen ninety four a very interesting finding the earlier the couples start dating the greater the risk of unhappy marriages silent footed this was Stern Norway my love delete leaves these exact words are repeated three times in the book the young affection should be restrained until the arrives than sufficient age and experience will make it honorable and safe times better than those will not be restrained will be in danger of dragging out not just an unhappy marriage but an unhappy with that last word insistence wrist strain that's a stop word unfortunately this generally requires outside restraint that's why God gives parents did you authorities because God wants us happy tend to have happiness in marriage we need both age and experience but this produces this gets us to an almost insurmountable problem because the two young into an experience almost universally believe that they are sufficiently old insufficiently experienced fellow I wrote a wonderfully insightful letter to an orphaned teenage boy your danger she said is increased by the spirit of independence and self-confidence connected as of course it must be with an experience you feel that it is time for you to think and act for yourself I'm a young man and no longer a child I am capable of all of discriminating between right and wrong I have writes in I will stand with them I'm capable of forming my own plan of action that why wasn't ready for what he made he was quite insufficient age there are minimum standards for obtaining a learner 's permit to drive fourteen years old and Kansas Georgia minimum age to obtain a full drivers license seventeen years nationally the minimum age to vote is eighteen there are minimum-wage standards for the Christian in the heavenly in obtaining a heavenly courtship permit for a understand the Bible 's minimum age we need to understand the Bible periods of life the Bible divides human life in the four distinct age groups infancy is under five years old this is when weaning was to take place and often there was a special celebration as in the case of Isaac and Samuel from the age of five to twenty was the biblical period of childhood and youth it became customary to split this age group and a half dollars well one over were allowed to participate in the Temple services with the exception of Caleb and Joshua those over forty that is the adult died in the wilderness although is not yet adults those under twenty entered the land of Canaan was over twenty years old were required to give fifty shackles to the sanctuary support every year they were considered financially independent it was not until the age of twenty that men were to be in the Army Damon was under twenty when he was when he killed Goliath at that time he was called a laugh he had not been considered old enough to be drafted into the Army in the age of adulthood is twenty years old to sixty those over twenty were now physically mature they were men they were old enough to join the Army they were old enough to get married and I don't think the point of this is that you have to be old enough to fight to be old enough to get married they were old enough to be financially independent and physically mature the expression men of Israel refers to those who are over twenty they did not have sufficient life 's experiences until they were at least twenty they were not financially ready until they were at least twenty weren't physically ready until they were at least twenty they were counted as men until they were twenty numbers one three from twenty years old and upward all that are able to go forth to war in Israel now and Aaron shall number them by their armies verse eighteen they declared their pedigrees after their families by the house of their fathers according to the number of the names from twenty years old and upward by their polls and then of course over sixty years old was considered old age now how old is the minimum age for obtaining a heavenly dating courtship marriage permit for most individuals enough for all will him four years of solid feel fitted you must view not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life the Bible suggested minimum age is demonstrated in the literature and a year longitudinal study of Mary fourteen and fifteen -year-olds was done in Baldwin County Alabama mostly rural county of two hundred thousand residents it was published in June two thousand and three in the American family journal it revealed the divorce rate of sixty six percent within eight years of the study the average marriage lasted three eight years the shortest lasted four months we've already mentioned the prospective repair project study that showed a direct correlation between the age of dating in the risk of divorce Mike McManus president marriage savers in contemporary authority on marriage is observed those who married as teenagers have my divorce rate of about double those who marry in their twenties there is a curb of success just picking a age is a factor closing Mary in the mid to late twenties or early thirties seem to have the most enduring marriages my tour at day 's understanding the long-term consequences of momentary decisions youth gives a deadly combination of risk-taking plus inexperience their increased motor vehicle accidents and injuries the insurance is more expensive for young drivers most rental car companies will not rent the car to a driver under the age of twenty five or they charge extra fees why because age makes a difference are you at least twenty years old if you're not it doesn't matter society not only allows it but even encourages it it doesn't matter that the media fly him it is best to put all thoughts of dating and marriage out of your mind yes of course there are exceptions to the general of but they are exceptions and there virtually always females virtually never males any exceptions are parent arranged marriages add-on was only a few hours old but it was not before Adam had received his education on the care the garden animals did name the animals and he had a home for his wife and it was an arranged marriage with limited options if you truly are the exception you'll pay attention to material on counsel in the in the booklet we will not have time to cover this in our sessions inspired counsel was always very balanced years ago leaders in the schools were reminded in all our dealings the students age and character must be taken into account we cannot treat the young and the old just alike in medicine age matters before writing a prescription you determine the age of the patient the prescription you write for a three -year-old is quite different from the prescription you write for a ninety three -year-old you don't treat pediatric patients like you treat geriatric patients those are different specialties each age group has different needs and tolerances and in dating and courtship age makes a difference experience makes a different character matters one size does not fit all of course some much older than twenty are unfit to be married and one L in white noted Elizabeth will not be as much prepared by cultivated manners and useful knowledge to Marian twenty five as some girls would be anything what is sufficient experience and verify work without an naked Jennifer thyself in the field and afterwords Bill thine house complete your basic education college business or trade school for your life work do that before starting your home you must make sure you're able to support the hall before starting a nose 's primary objective in academy or college as defined in a have misunderstood the highest purpose of their educational opportunities bear in mind letter twenty three two ninety three that the school is not a place to form attachments recording or entering into marriage relations why is this so important in order to active part in the service of God you must go forth with the advantage advantage is out as plural and intellectual training as possible under the untimely excitement and courtship and marriage many students failed to reach the height of mental development which they might otherwise have obtained these are all in the in the syllabus those who attend all three will get Ellen White who was paying for eighteen -year-old brand dollars daughter 's college tuition wrote this she said in order to obtain the full benefits of the educational advantages offered to you you must keep yourself what is the next rewards free from attachments is your basic education completed by basic education and work speaking of vocational training were not speaking of higher education in graduate school if your basic training is not completed and you are in your twenties other questions must be answered to determine their preparation for marriage how is education being financed schools very expensive and if you are being sponsored or supported five Harris grants or scholarships their first responsibility must meet immediate objectives of those were providing your means of support remember the borrower is servant to the lender you should have a job or business that can fully sustain a family that's important for a woman as well as for a man Solomon described a virtuous woman is one who considers a field and buys it from her profits she plants a vineyard giving her husband fiber this after she was married anything she learned it on on our own under in her family of course Rachel was out working on the farm when Jacob met her Rebecca was taking her home responsibilities when Eliezer manner both were now ready to consider courtship and marriage so God brought this into their lives so can you male or female financially supportive family if your answer is no it's premature to consider marriage and the thought to be put out of your mind at this time years ago my son Philip was talking to me in his roomy sedan our family is to strip metadata families around here today there's like that and and it just started in in-home spillages been studying Cambodian and new about that landmines and so ask the question I said Philip if you lived in Cambodia suppose you had your up your choice of two families to growing up in one family said that we love you so much we just want you to just go anywhere the world is your home just in July explore experiment so you went out and of course your hand was blown up for legs blown off and for the rest of your lot I him or may if you are still alive we had another set of parents and his parents said he felt we love you so much here's amount is as a kind of a narrow place the walk-in but it's been cleared of mines in your Savior in which parents do you want to be from and God is our kind heavenly father he has a narrow way for us to walk is it because he wants to restrict is now it's because he wants to protect its are you thankful that you come from a heavenly family with protection that has wine delivered to with an high that's I'm thankful for my heavenly father Mario Perez did not approve of one of the girls that I was stating and I had to make a decision and was I going to follow their advice or was I going to go ahead and pursue this relationship which seen so ideal to me and I thank off that idea what I didn't feel like doing in which I actually thought was wrong and I absolutely know I saved myself from a divorce this girl today is a Buddhist 's had mental problems bank you Lord for your guidance I desire to follow God 's guidance in my life who you say what Jeremiah thou art the guide of my youth we make David's prayer your own teach me thy way a Lord and lead me in a plain path because of my enemies him are you willing to wait on the Lord to be of good courage so he can strengthen your heart if those are your decisions married or unmarried would you be willing to just please bow your heads and would you be willing to put your hands up and then down father in heaven we are thankful for you being a wonderful heavenly father to us we know so little in the way that seemed so right to us and in and then I prayed as we continue our study together you will mark these decisions and help us keep the free I pray that from this room as he prayed at the beginning a multitude of fruitful homes mail merge and be part of the Army take the field under the direction ship of Jesus and soon Jesus comes we thank you for hearing and answering prayer in Christ name and this is my audio receivers like a generation if you would like to learn more about G1 please visit .net another one like that working like this one is an online service www. on Hoover's

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