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Ingredients of Happiness

Phil Mills Sr.

Hosting its seventh annual conference, GYC's 2008 theme this was "For This Purpose." How do we find this purpose? By listening to and studying God's Word. Featuring inspirational speakers such as Justin Kim, Randy Skeete, Radim Passer, Chelsy Jourdan, Alistair Huong, Doug Batchelor, and more, this conference leads us in studying how we can reflect Christ's character.

Presenter

Phil Mills Sr.

Dermatologist in Northern Georgia

Conference

Recorded

  • December 18, 2008
    2:30 PM
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him father in heaven we are grateful that we have the opportunity to have your presence here without you we can do anything and I just pray that you will speak to each of our hearts we give you our years to listen I pray that he will help us understand your word open our understanding is you did to those disciples on the road to amass in Christ's name we pray amen as I said God wants us happy to the man who pleases him God gives happiness and God wants us to have happy homes the young man Ellen White wrote you should have a wife I could make you a what's the next order halfway home to a young woman she wrote will the one you Mary bring happiness to your home to another she knows me as hesitated traits of character that will make her happy a new couple was counsel to evaluate the relationship for the genuine components of happiness will this new relationship prove a source true in Dore happiness happiness is important happiness is possible but happiness is rare that you come as no surprise that many homes are not happy Doctor Linda Waite the Lucy flower professor of sociology and director of the Center on aging at the University of Chicago studied unhappy marriages him I like to review the national survey of family households done by the University of Wisconsin in nineteen eighty seven and eighty eight with a follow-up in nineteen ninety two ninety several oversight findings I found particularly interesting first three out of four unhappily married adult are married to someone was happy that the relate with the relationship imagine being in a marriage where one is happy with the relationship while the other is miserable and sad even imagine such a broken marriage relationship the act it is not uncommon in the same study the vast majority of divorces in fact seventy four percent took place in adults who had reported happy marriage marriage is when they were first studied only five years earlier someone could say well I'm not happy in this marriage get a divorce and find someone that can make me happy unfortunately weights data suggest those who divorce are seldom happy despite what people say your best shot at happiness is your first time in a longitudinal fifteen year study by University of Illinois professor Ed diner the levels that he evaluated the happiness levels of more than twenty four thousand people in Germany although Diane Doctor diner 's research found that the happiest people all appear to have strong social relationships study found that the people were most happy after their marriage were happy prior to their marriage they were no more have a happy narrator then they were single him finding simply documents what inspiration had previously reported there is not one marriage in a hundred that results happily are you happy you know what makes you happy over miserable what are the components most people don't understand happiness great searches in life are I want to be happy and yet most people don't know how to get it the study found that people who were most satisfied with their lives before their marriage were the ones that were most apt to stay married people who get married and stay married are more satisfied than the average long before they got married if you want a happy marriage you need to understand about being happily single and you need understand the ingredients that make for happiness what brings happiness to the home what makes one home happy and another unhappy visit good or bad luck why does my wife's bread tastes good is that chance or is that science if you leave the salt out it may be nutritious but it's tasteless what makes all homes happy there are some salt ingredients commonly get left out if you leave one of these essentials out your lacks some of the happiness that you could have him this is not a only an important first question before someone gets married there's also any important question in counseling people work couples are having trouble due the parties understand how to bring happiness to the home it's too bad asked the question late but better late than never do you know what brings happiness to the home don't be satisfied with Sunday's idea of some abstract notion it is not simply marriage that brings happiness studies of crystal clear on this marriage is the magical elixir that suddenly makes two unhappy people happy ever after there are few absolute requirements I would like to focus on the ten major ingredients is not a complete list but I'm there to say something right at the start and when a repeated at the end because I don't want anyone to feel discouraged by this lecture no one has all the qualities that I meant to be describing for happiness no one in the important part of happiness is to know the goals you are striving for I want us to focus on some specific so we don't have as we mentioned a payout as a notion first and most important is to understand that only Christ can bring happiness is the author of joy it is not the center of the relationship there can be happiness Psalm sixteen eleven in your presence is fullness of what joy after right-hand are here is for ever more if you are not happy I can say unequivocally you don't have Christ he brings peace and chaos in storms the martyrs burned at the stake for singing why because they had Christ with Christ what ever your home situation whatever your marriage situation is you have a happy you can be contended add-on felt the need for a life before God made Eve for him but he went to a slave contented and happy and that God gave him his knee with Christ you can know that all your true needs will be supplied with David you can say the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want without Christ you can never be happy have you made an unreserved surrender to Christ you see the center of your life is he the center of your relationship Proverbs twenty three twenty six give me your heart let your eyes find happiness in my ways if we do not find happiness in his ways he doesn't have a heart I love to find instruction in the Bible when I'm reading the Bible I am asking the question I open it up and I say Lord tell me what you want me to do from this instruction if we are reading the Bible and not leaving with instruction then we are foolish builders because they heard and then do we need something to do each time we leave the Bible is all I love to find instruction I'm looking for something to do your something into my sign and may your heart the word jihad is also translated off for show yield grant deliver the net brain is at your response Lord is this what you want here's my heart take it I can't even as so you want to ask the question of somebody of yourself have somebody you are thinking of as a life 's partner Jim and I have a hot bitch show devotional life and daily prayer and Bible study and obedience to the Bible 's instruction is their joyfulness in doing this or is it tedious is it worrisome is that Brooks and to the business something they can't wait to do that word was found and I do need it and I were present to me that joy and rejoicing of my part I think of my dad every morning early in the morning I never remember waking up to what my dad wasn't out long before out on his law he memorized the entire New Testament to go for a walk and then our a run and then halfway through it he went to his prayer place in there with his Bible he would be studying and praying through the days responsibilities and he told me he said he couldn't wait to get up his palms against way he was so excited he would be listening to God 's word when we moved to another state and where we are now in Oregon we met some some people who had been active in a self-supporting ministry and and yet they had left the church left him him or him so we invited them to come to church with it one time talk to them and I was interested in what the wife told me she had been involved in this mission venture on you Vince try being a venture and yet the it was tedious to her it wasn't she was putting that you finally just gave it up that is not what you want in a relationship somebody was putting on it after that they love the Lord if you obey and do write a light will show you the way in Philly with happiness some ninety seven eleven hundred nineteen fourteen okay your instructions brings as much happiness as being rich I love there and some hundred nineteen forty seven they bring me happiness I find happiness in your law is there to assault wedding is at the questions you want to ask of anybody that you are considering as a life 's partner after Saleh not from a mere sense of duty but a favorite activity to engage in I say and do you Jesus said that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repented is their support of the church with time and money with a grateful heart wishing more could be given as there is happiness in sacrifice for a desire to make a lot of money so giving can be without sacrifice it is more blessed to give it makes more one happier more to be input in and be amplified Bible says to give than to receive and so grateful for my wife she loves to give this time he or she gets those catalogs out from address that you can give Christmas gifts to him her sister Dana the only reason she has a part-time income is so that you have some more money to get the end of it we have no money is not because Sherry 's been shot but that's because Sherry 's been giving and giving brings happiness selfish brings selfishness brings unhappiness this prayer meeting happen not present in assemblies of ourselves together as a manner son is now if you find the one you are dating doesn't have a prayer meeting habit is reluctant ago would rather spot to spend time with you is only going because you're going don't be flattered stop dating the person is there habitual criticism now in all of this you are looking for a friend not a one time there is an earnest effort to overcome and avoid these types of the evils although there may be a failure from time to time Ephesians four thirty one F kind get rid of all bitterness rage and anger brawling and slab slander along with every form of malice but here is something that I can't tell you how important this is never let a day and relationship developed around a common hate object you know there are there are two ways to bring unity one he has your unified on a common object of love a unified goal sin there are other ways to bring unity like Hitler did for you hate and common common enemies of his demons addressed to the Jewish Sanhedrin he spoke of Israelites in the wilderness who in their heart turned back to Egypt they were in charge they were counted among the faithful in Israel but at heart they were really idolaters look for the signs of idolatry do either of you show love of the world by how you stand the time and money the type of reading you choose how you address what music you listen to what cute foods you eat what sport you engage in and watch Scriptures clear allowed not the Laurel neither the things that are in the world of any man love the world the love of the father is not in him is there a restlessness of a lack of peace but the wicked are like the troubled sea when it cannot rest that reaching out a just and discontent the bad side is there a problem of moral impurity is there a secret vice can you recognize the signs of somebody who has a problem with moral impurity just as there are signs for drug addiction there are telltale evidences for moral impurity secret vice I gave some material at UIC on this and Baltimore's about half an hour on looking at telltale has signed and you can get that on audio verse is there any photography are there off-color or suggestive words are jokes is there any improper behavior or attempt in that direction flee youthful lusts that war against the soul but follow righteousness faith love peace within the calling of on the Lord out of a pure heart first Peter two eleven abstained from blessings fleshly lusts which wore against the soul now modern system I politely and optimistically calls it living together before marriage but that's not an accurate description is really living together without marriage what that words in our language do the Bible calls sin by its right name but what we can to do is sanitize it and may get who lasts evil sociology refers to this in a properly set to accept again clinical term cohabitation significant others the Bible calls it for an occasion plainly firmly and explicitly it is forbidden under any and every circumstance including after engagement it may be but it is forbidden it is forbidden because it has devastating consequences in your life when fornication was discovered in the Bible penalty was death to both parties generally under special circumstances marriage is granted but it was granted without any recourse to any future divorce no matter what the circumstances by a few married no divorce him under another circumstance with the concurrence of the father there was to be a complete and total separation of the parties and a payment of a fine a substantial fine by the mail now you need to recognize the sales pitch when you hear it make no mistake about it for the sin of fornication there is a sales pitch I would suggest that few of the sales lines from everybody does it to training and preparation in marriage screen out incompatible matches just before you buy degrees expenses by sharing costs to the young and not so young people find these superficial and false arguments persuasive now let me tell you something if you want to know what a past generation did secretly look at what the present generation does open like the Bible principle was that Abraham was that they read the prophet said to David and this is a principle across society you do this thing in sacred but your son will do this openly before the world what is open and before the world is what my generation didn't secretly so bad that the fact but it first started as a secret practice but now it's done shamelessly one when I first started medicine people would come in the my office tonight asked in their social history and I go overrunning married and it looked down if they were not married in saying no now make them give a second thought that now where were not married but one highly cited researcher Larry Bond pass Professor Amer emeritus of sociology at the University of Wisconsin in Madison 's found that more than half of all first-time marriages are preceded by couples living together in some form this research was published in two thousand and near two thousand and four numbers were climbing but the Bible solemnly warns down to it don't plant those seeds Proverbs sixteen twenty five there is a way that seem of right and wrong man that begins thereof are the ways of death fornication is taking the privileges of marriage without the responsibility in the commitment to marriage by its very nature marriage demands long term life time commit him a him a faster different than the sales pitch and research conducted at Yale University and Columbia University and published in the American sociological review they found that overall the association between premarital cohabitation and subsequent murder marital stability in free says the risk of divorce by eighty percent it is perfectly predictable marriage demands self-denial if the scenes of self-indulgence are planted a harvest of self-indulgence will be range remember I told you three predictor that there were three predictors like eighty one predictor of the future in the last lecture a second predictor is what you sell we already support vector absolute and if there is no see in a season of no commitment read the harvest of no comment a study using nationally representative samples of one thousand two hundred and thirty five women ages twenty to thirty seven indicated that that married women who are in a fornication relationship worth three three times more likely to have sex with someone other than the husband after they were married than those who had not had fornication before marriage single women who cohabitated were one seven times more likely to have a secondary sex partner than single women who did not live with their partners and of course plant the seed of fornication read the harvest of adultery those who are not under the constraints of God 's law before marriage will not be under the restraints of God 's law after marriage Glenn Stanton director of global insight Walter and family renewal and senior analyst of marriage and sexuality and offer the author of marriage on trial as an excellent bibliography article after article of the current studies on premarital adultery and I've listed some of them across the board in study after study living before together before marriage brings huge problems believing that studies with their studied the attached objectivity to meet some people will read the bitter harvest I have actual correspondence with these woman and have permission to share them there was a woman in her early thirties over time I felt guilty about the physical relationship and put a strain on other aspects of our relationship I didn't believe I should marry him I convinced myself that the only way God would forgive me was the marry him anyway we had a bad marriage another woman in her late thirties I look back on my past sexual experiences with regret and shame still harvesting the fruit posada I have patients with diseases they fear they caught while living in sin woman in her late thirties we both have children from a previous marriage but we let our relationship drift away from God 's word we spent more and more time together altogether as a family and hopes that it would prepare our children ages thirteen and nine minus six is to become a family unit when we were married even though we did not live together we would stay together overnight and the kids and stay with us you know what else happened I made a huge mistake in putting what he wanted and what the kids wanted that for what God wanted now I am pregnant outside of wedlock he has become angry and irresponsible I'm full of shame and resentment I know I have to face the fact that I may have not only to continue to raise my two sons without help but now I have a new baby to him and closes with this statement this is why God says I have the commitment and safety of marriage first negative things happen when a woman gives that part of her to a man without having a marriage first that's only a small amount of the bitter harvest of the city decide this is the tip of the iceberg ladies and gentlemen this is not including the long term consequences of their sin repeated in our children and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren the generational unhappiness the divorce the guilt shame and diseases each sinks lower and lower than the last this harms the children greatly children from single-parent palms are at three to four times greater risk of obesity drug abuse or drug addiction alcoholism then NA two-parent family children with a single parent have increased risk of psychiatric disease suicide or attempted suicide or injury these results stand even after making adjustments for factors such as socioeconomic status parents addiction mental disease studies show problems in cognitive and academic ability resulting in lower academic achievement lower math scores a greater failure rate lower SAT scores lower IQ scores higher dropout rate lower college attendance rates children from single-parent homes also exhibit a greater degree of antisocial behavior in the indicating higher rates of criminal behavior greater delinquencies for both girls and boys and increased violence behavior in schools they are also at greater risk for being physically and sexually abused and this doesn't include our lasting influence for evil on those around don't have anything to do with moral depravity him on the site just that direction that is seeking a relationship with you drop them like you would drop a hot potato now if you struggle with moral purity and your own thoughts in your actions are in your habits there's hope in the Lord the word of God can help you wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his ways by taking heed thereto according to thy word by word of it in my heart that I might not sin against the studying the area is on moral purity and the consequences of impurity memorized Scripture in those areas put it to music there is a wonderful and access to the writings of Ellen White three volume blue book index go through the section on secret vice read it listen to the Bible on CD only iPod carrying a Bible with you memorize it your thoughts must be controlled that the lines of your mind be sober and hope to the end frame without ceasing to be around people of the light being by yourself or with those that are even pure avoid idleness have a list that you carry with you at all times of the things you must do now the next is fair intemperance and the one that you are a dating these are very important questions that were going through is their use of addictive drugs such as nicotine alcohol or caffeine Ellen White says a very insightful statement she says we can deal with the weaknesses of our spouses but not with their vices is there a careful hi exercise lifestyle self-discipline following the example of Paul I discipline my body and bring it into subjection prescriptions nine twenty seven is there a settled purpose to have a body Temple that is undefiled happiness does not come from bearing your spouse are you both living in such a way that self-inflicted premature illness and death will come to the family leaving you or your spouse and loneliness poverty and then how United are you here we want to look at issues of young in the first the presence of Christ in his second underlying unity Psalm one thirty three one build how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity talks are certain people square tags don't go into round holes there are people that I would not do well together with people it would not do well together with me guess what I should marry one of those little how can we find out compatibility their happiness notice this the happiness of both parties the happiness and prosperity the married life depend upon the unity of the parties at the list on page eighty one do you enjoy similar activities don't need to be identical but they should be complementary to have a value a healthy lifestyle do you like healthy food and activities do you share similar philosophies do you respond to similar speakers are your goals similar is their unity in the use of I wanted you should be united on those things that use you hold as core values and those car values are based on the word of God the Lord must be united one faith we must be united one baptism your marriage will be entirely as pleasant as your unit and unity increases the pleasure of a good marriage and over time you become more and more united it's wonderful to be living in a United States unity is important part of happiness but unity comes from the presence of Christ another question are you that you lay or is the one that you're thinking to narrate or court are is there have been chilled courtesy Dick Titus three to be peaceable gentle showing complete courtesy to all his sympathy for others pain her troubles reserve callous indifference power animals treated as their cruelty is there gentle lesson courtesy or is there harshness and rudeness brothers put down in just are there in the salt even in jest and then something that is so important is their deference this is such a crucial character walloping are you deferential is the one year dating deferential or argue both or either willful because fights in marriage or so and some researchers have been concluded that all all Larry Joseph Hough finds that this is normal some say these never resolving can result one said marriage is nature 's way of preventing us from fighting with strangers but no ideas like that for a second fighting and disagreements are not necessary Satan tries to get us to accept as normal and inevitable that which we should reject out of hand as evil he does the same with every kind of sin deference is yielding your preferences and even your rights I tried to think of something that Sherry and I disagree with and I finally bought one sure his eyes they get out of layer if there's overhead lights and I need all the light at candidacy that we can send them around we could fight about it but we're going to do you can have an overhead light on and off same time well I'm the head of my house and I insist that we do it Sherry 's way when I was Jesus and I become willful you don't have to guess what I rape more willfulness I am planting in my own life and in the lives of others the seeds that I'm going to read the with the presence of Jesus he helps replant gentle seeds of deference and I like the crop more gentle deference and those are around it out when we were in Georgia we had about two miles away we had neighbors that were making math and as if they were actually saying that the butt of Ellis A and there was just a I serve us the fun they are on the road that led up to where our house was as a ways away drove it only enlightened now we could have just turned them in and the guards they were even angry was a witness it had no influence within how name I come over and shoot us we were the right dendrite but we decided on a different plan we went out and we picked up the trash about two miles from our home sixteen bags to drop more we kept thinking about and over time neighbors joined us and it became much better and the community put pressure on on the family that was doing some of the trash reliving deference works Abraham was deferential toward lot Joshua took the portion of Canaan that remained now I want to say something else about willfulness is this is very important willfulness is often seen in those with a moral problem in fact there are several problems that go along with moral impurity dishonesty hundred percent of the more person will always be dishonest anger goes along with it argumentative this goes along with the St. Paul says willfulness unclean when this may go along with it dirty minds that's how it came to come that's how that expression that came to be applied but they may be accompanied by a parent religiousness with Scripture says make no friendships with an angry man and with the furious man thou shall not go him walk after the flesh in the last of uncleanness and despise government presumptions are they self-willed they are not afraid to speak evil of dignitaries not self-willed not soon angry probably twenty five thorns and stand in line the path of the willful whoever values life will stay added distance casting aside there are two kinds of lay ministries supporting and very independent ministries it's a very bad sign when your dolomites is when somebody can't be under authority when they want to do it alone beware of potential life 's partners with that kind of the character beware of church members like that as well now how do we find out if our special friend is deferential enough to watch them over over time but do they insist on their own way what happens when their will is crossed I have watched down people who are very nice but uses niceness as a way to get their own way but what happens when they are nice and they still don't get their way and we want to see that you want to see a person in a situation where their way is crossed how do they relate when things don't go exactly the way they want are they stubborn or self-willed are they easily angered are they critical of authority figures do they get along well with others are they friendly tenderness film one oh seven do not try to compel each other to do as you wish manifestations of self will destroy the peace and happiness of let not your married life be one of contention if you do you will be unhappy I was stationed gentle in action giving out your own wishes what important instruction giving up what my own wife wishes who said this guy did go to be safe to me Jesus does is all the time for us folks and this is how he wants us to be like him watch well your words for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill notice it is not only what we say but how we say it aloud no sharpness becoming their voices bring in the United your United life the fragrance of Christ likeness this out have a happy home in my like this that's the question we need to ask down the fifth of it is an important one love for order and organization under the old covenant unclean Linnaeus disorder disorganization were illustrations of sin idols could be worshiped haphazardly without regard for neatness and cleanliness you should you could go in and worship files of any old get up but worship of God was different cleanliness order organization were rigidly enforced the houses of worshipers were to be completely clean the bodies of the worshipers were to be fully washed Genesis thirty five two then Jacob said to his household and all that were with him put away the strange gods that are among you and be clean and change your garments in the new covenant we have baptism that's washing washing services cleanliness is not optional for Christian homes a wife and mother cannot make home agreeable agonist on page twenty to him and will actually possesses allows for water preserves her dignity and has good government therefore all who fail on this point should begin at once to educate themselves in this direction and cultivate the very things were in his very greatest laugh this is so important I can't imagine being married to somebody is untidy although she might not married me and takes a while for you that all this again I think are you habitually neat tidy orderly organized is their planning and scheduling is the room neat and tidy is the bed made our things put away our close hung up I remember when I came under conviction on these candidate in my office I determined that I would not leave the office without my office being cleaned every night and it made an impact on the staff will interact I told them as I wanted to be held accountable when asked about it I said I realize this is my Christian duty now after it said that guys were ahead of the live up to finances is one of the three common areas of disagreement and this is a very important area in-home happiness all couples should have the fundamentals before marriage when they were filled and sent his disciples gather up the fragments that remained nothing be lost were not owners we are stewards is that recognition on the part of the one mature dating that God owns all things is money spent for vanity show or display Isaiah fifty five two wherefore do you spend your my for that which is not bread and your labor for that which satisfies not remember that our actions our thoughts our deeds in our words RC what kind of harvestable vanity produce a harvest of vanity more money will need to be expended it will never end there will always be something more to display fashionable and expensive clothing for ourselves and our children luxury cars extravagant homes with elegant furnishings we must have the latest tennis rackets and golf clubs ski equipment for membership must be in the finest country clubs are vacations have to be the exotic places our children need to be schooled in the most exclusive academies in the in the community each of these expenditures are safer more expenditures in a further harvest as Satan aims to absorb every penny not to benefit our families not to feed the hungry clothe the naked not to give our children a proper education not to influence our neighbors were having to increase our pride and love of self in the wilderness the children of Israel gave their jewelry out to build the house of God the early Christians did the same Peterson whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plating the here and the wearing of gold are putting on of apparel Paul sent likewise in like manner also that women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefaced lesson sobriety not with embroidered hair or gold or pearls or costly array in place of spending money on vanity show display we can give money to advance the cause of God is giving us seem so no produce a harvest after its kind hastening the coming of Christ for his bride and for the great wedding that which we can be a part in our weddings here are only a type this money spent on amusement for selfish pleasure is their love for going to shows movies renting videos expensive restaurants professional sports is money expended in the latest video games is money expended for fictitious books and magazines is there self-denial for others needs to each of you have savings accounts you must avoid prodigality on one side and selfish or day on the other is their avoidance of debt is their generosity toward the poor is their faithfulness in tithes and offerings these are questions that have to be answered by every penny we spend were told we show whether we love God supremely and our neighbor as ourselves were sowing seed is their carelessness and work habits or is there patient thorough diligence that shows their ability to commit is there talk only or is there disciplined follow-through being diligent be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well that I heard the details ladies and gentlemen the details matter is there industrious as an efficiency is their reliability punctuality and carefulness is it easy for both of you to get a job is as a person and demand the worker everyone wants people are so lazy today it's hard to get good workers good workers are in demand yes now it may be were in a new time I going forward this may not quite be true but up until now if a person had trouble finding a job you need to know why if the one you're dating is having trouble getting or keeping a job it's a bad sign is that the attitude is their vigor running from job to job can you get a good recommendation from teachers and work supervisors on work habits study habits the industry reliability notice how the ingredients for home happiness are not dependent on talents and gifts and intelligence if they were only a few most to be happy this federal patient diligence with consistency is necessary if you're going to raise children like braces on TV the gentle firm constant pressure moves everything the ingredients for happiness are available to all all can have the presence of Christ which brings unity to just courtesy and deference and gives a love for order and organization that has love for Christ is awakened all whether rich or poor will be eager to learn to manage more wisely the money to which they been entrusted in a time in which they've been entrusted and give to others the joy that I have the presence of Christ alone will motivate us toward a consistent thorough patient diligence like him who is with us and then practical knowledge of running a home as needed Deuteronomy one thirteen select wise and practical man those known among your tribes whom I made a point as your leaders women if you're looking for a house when you're looking for a leader and this is how these are instructions for selecting a leader wise practical when you eat the labor of their hands you shall be happy is and it will be well with you as a European boy that had taken a fancy to a girl and Ellen White was asked to investigate him in a letter written in Europe in eighteen eighty six she said I had reason to think she does like domestic labor and I knew you should have a wife that could make you happy home him down this girl is why domestic labor she can have a mega happy home is not optional this is an essential so Ellen White chocolate girl she asked the girl if you love the fellow feels that no integrate all the questions she asked in the book letters the young lovers but I want you to notice the question she asked about homemaking skills I asked her she had any experience in those duties that make a home so she wanted to know what the experience in domestic duties as a critical question if you're going to have a hall meeting to know the person knows how to run off before I was invited to move the grants Pass and into a dermatology group they wanted and now did I know dermatology is that a fair question before you have somebody that's going to be Osman are wiser than a fair question and helping a lot of the husband or wife is straightforward and minutes one fellow I did what's your experience in running a home is a something you like to do what is your experience in housekeeping she was saying is this something you like to do what your favorite part what part did the white dislike most what is your experience in cooking and baking is this something you enjoy doing is looking healthy inexpensive but your experience in selling government address can you repair clothes if I were interviewed again for a job you have these job interview questions and so these are questions that you want to develop in your own mind when you want to be able to answer them for somebody asking about you she answered she had done housework get home in her father 's family it was somewhat of an incomplete answers suggest that more than the stroke so Ellen White said I asked these questions because it's your character than presented in the issue needed special what practical duties of life but had no taste or inclination for these things in other words this girl was special ed Eleazar read observe Rebecca is our taking her responsibilities getting water for the house it may have been for drinking or cooking or bathing in it are two more ingredients but I'm only going to just mention them because of time one is a positive mental and emotional outlook for God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind this is not simply happiness when everything goes right uses inward joy that doesn't matter about circumstances true contentment gratitude not murmuring not complaining thankful if you are at the end of line for what code is still left not complaining about what others might have gotten not been satisfied and restless not jealous or envious not possessive not movie and last but not least a party mentioned in that it deserves its own category healthy lifestyle precipitants ten thirty one therefore whether you eat or drink or whatever you do do all to the glory of God then there you have the Bible 's top ten major ingredients the home happiness the presence of Christ not self purity of heart underlying unity in our core values habitual courtesy in our interactions deference not willfulness not demanding dictatorial one will give you space and allow you to think and act for yourself love Thoren organization wise in time and money management consistent patient diligent thorough it shows commitment practical home skills positive mental and emotional outlook healthy lifestyle this is what heaven is like and God wants the home to be a little what on earth these are the basics and bring genuine lasting joy these are attributes that we've all made the purpose of dating is to determine if these happiness factors are present in our characters and in the character of the one we're dating that I told you I was going to repeat something I began that I gave the very beginning I don't want anyone to feel discouraged by this lecture no one has all ten of his qualities for happiness I guarantee I don't but these are the families I know for what I am striving a true Christian strives for these because they're like Jesus and those who are desirous of these qualities in their life and are cooperating with the master by surrendering choices allowing him to bring these disciplines into their life those who persevere in this surrender will be happy and make others happy we can take no steps toward marriage without Jesus how can we know we're walking with Jesus when we're walking with Christ each step toward a marriage alliance is characterized by four things modesty simplicity modesty is absence of selfish assertion or arrogance and purity of thought and manners simplicity what is simplicity it has two parts freedom from pretense cunning or duplicity freedom from artificial adornment pretentious style or luxury plainness and simplicity of dress sincerity what is sincerity honesty and intention freedom him herself us guys are false pretense then an earnest purpose to please an honor God why are these so important because marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world would come a sincere Christian will make no plans by God cannot approve the list on page forty nine is this quotation that we've outlined here you must begin the process of selecting a life 's partner by looking in the right place some go to bars and other single spots where does the Christian look for finding a life partner you find it within the welcoming community of Christians let me quickly don't be in a rush during courtship this question of marriage should be a study instead of a matter of impulse we noted this at the close of our last wait for the Lord is strong with your heart that Kurds wait for the Lord wait for the Lord and keep his way courtship is the last chance to address issues that are then missed before the decision debate was made and we purchased out of time let me just three little note that I buy a rhodamine now have just outside of design those of you who have attended all three lectures I want to make is my personal gift to you the best you can pick it up again those of you who would like it but weren't able him how it's available for three dollars in the sand I just will take your word for it then I would rather have you have it if you don't have the money just take it I really want these out don't worry about the request in fact just take it him in our heads father in heaven we are grateful for this opportunity to have studied together and there's so much to know in so many pitfalls where selling experience we know so little we would just depend on you for guidance they buy they bless every young person here and those who are blessed on those of us I pray that your blessing will attend the rest of this conference blessed Judah and Israel is a discuss how marriage skills and now thank you for each person that you put in there hard to come and we just commit our lives to you in Christ's name and this is my audio is one generation you'd like to learn more about G1 W done like that like the more online seminar the number on your verse

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