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Logo of GYC 2016: When All Has Been Heard

5. Advising Love’s Giving: Parenting and Family Life

Sebastien Braxton Candis Braxton


There is a joy in loving each other, but an entirely different, unique joy in loving others together, especially our children. This session we will explore family life and parenting. How do we build a Christ-centered and biblical home? What guidelines should we use in the discipline of our children? How can our family engage the world outside? How do we divide the responsibilities between us? How and when should we reach out for help?



  • December 30, 2016
    9:15 AM
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This message was presented at the G Y C twenty sixteen conference when all has been heard in Houston Texas for other resources like this visit us online at W W W T Y C Web dot test first test. All right. Good morning everyone. Well we are here again session under five. It seems as if it has flown by. We did all the heavy lifting. Yesterday we only get one session today. And then we'll finish off with our question and answer session tomorrow. As well as a couple you know just little things in terms of trends that may be coming up in recent times because of social media and things like that. So we're going to have prayer in just jump right in to our presentation for today. Our. Let's bring our Father in. What a gift that it is to have a life again this morning. What a gift that it is to be here in Houston. So many different individuals whose hearts are towards the Lord. And Father this environment ease a perfect space for you to speak to us and we pray that you would do just that this morning. Lord as we step into the space of parenting. We know Lord that whatever we have to offer and discuss follow so much short of him whose name is Father and so Lord we ask that the little bit that we can share and that we can gain from your wording from personal experience that it may illuminate our path going forward in Jesus' name amen. All right well this morning we've been title our presentation advising loves giving parenting in family life and we our children are very young. So parenting and family life we're not at that age where we have teenagers in you know people in middle school high school. So this seminar we're not going to able to speak to that because Kennison are very sensitive to the fact that. You know we can share principles by. At the same time. We don't want to share something that we ourselves have not experienced or tested. And so that's why a lot of our seminars have been focused on things that we've experienced or that we found to be true through our own failures or through our own successes and we're going to do just that in terms of parenting is well is what the Bible has to offer to us in a very small way. So we're going to look at three basic areas of parenting in family life. In terms of preparation in building the right. And I want to use the word environment because environment is one of them but basically to establish strong biblical parenting as well as a strong Christ centered home. And so one of the first things we were looking at is parents then we'll look at how to create that environment and then we'll talk about some practical counsel in terms of discipline and things like that family worship and stuff like that so. Let's start off with parents. So one of the first things that people don't recognize is that a a baby dedication that typically happens in our church in this day and age is actually not so much a dedication of the child as it is a consecration of the parents. And so the child doesn't know any better. It's just sitting in the arms of a pastor who probably has never been held by before and may start crying or it may not depending on what kind of baby you have. And in that moment of time the baby is not remembered I was dedicated as a child even though my parents did not continue in the church and I believe God honors that dedication for the child side but I also believe that the predominant purpose of that dedication service is to remind the parents that they need to be dedicated to God. And to recognize the trust that their children are to them. And so the first aspect we want to talk about is really the preparation for mothers. And. Drops a lot of her wisdom and knowledge. That area. She's a good mom. Is I want to take you to Genesis. Genesis chapter one in two we're going to highlight a couple brief points here about where Adam and Eve were as the first parents because I always like starting in the beginning. Because it shows us the ideal. And how God sought to move. Genesis chapter one. We're going to start in verse twenty six when you're there you can say men are right the Bible says in verse twenty six that and God said. Now who said this. God said. Let us make you. Men now in the original language right. This is the word that we usually get for Adam or in the Hebrew god to mock So he says let us make men and this will develop further in the seminar but for our purposes right now. God is trying to create a unique order of being and he says let us make man in Our image so there is a plurality. Are you following. So here is God who saying I am more than one right. Let us make man in OUR image. So it be very very odd for God to create a in order of beings that is not having an existing in a plurality. Are you following what I'm saying. He is more than one he's saying let us this is a group talking. This is the Trinity Father Son and Holy Spirit and they're coming in saying let us make man so humankind is being created with that same sense of unity. Amidst diversity. They are three different beings but there is a certain core unity to them and this is what God had envisioned in humanity and he says let us make man in OUR image. According to our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea over the birds of the air over the cattle and over all the earth and over. Every creeping thing that creeps on the earth so notice God's purpose was not just to make man in His image and that was it. He says Let us make men in our image and then he goes on the second point is let. What word do you see in your Bible. He says let Who are you guys with. He says let them. Now is them plural or singular plural. Let them have what Domingue in so leadership. And oversight and ruling is the inheritance of being created as a human being. Every human being on a fundamental level was created to be a leader was created to have dominion. And he says let us make man in our image and let them have dominion. Now notice what he goes on this in verse twenty seven. So God created man in his own image in the image of God He created him male and female he created what them so then we know who did them is referring to in verse twenty six. Are you following. Let them means male and female. Their going to both have dominion which means men and women both have qualities by their very divine design in their nature to be leaders. Are you following. It's designed in them. As a woman. God is designed you with certain qualities in the need abilities in your nature to be a leader to exercise dominion over His creation. Number two is the same thing present in men. And this is obviously things we can talk about tomorrow when we get into trends. But for our purposes in verse twenty eight The Bible says then God did what. Bless them. God bless them. That's male N. Female. So God created both of them. God gave dominion to both of them. They both bear his image there both are called to be leaders. And they are blessed by God and God spoke to both of them and said Be fruitful and what. Be fruitful and what. So there's two critical basic points we need to make you. Number one. Before God gives dominion. You must be like him. Or you follow me into. God do not give them dominion and say let me work on bringing you up into my image. Are you tracking them before he gave them dominion. He said Let us make them in our image. And then let them have dominion. Because God wanted the leadership of humanity to reflect his own leadership. So in this preparation. Adam and Eve were given responsibilities. And in those responsibilities their character was fundamental. So we talk about preparation for mothers or fathers. We must think about how we match up to the character of God and if we want to be even more specific and not be so general and abstract compare your life to the life of Jesus because that is the character of God carried out in a sinful world. So he says before I give you Domingo and please believe no one's going to sit on His throne. That does not bear his image. Are you following me you will not judge angels. If you are not bearing his name in your forehead. You will not be there in the millennium overseeing the books. If you do not bear his image. God is not in trust leadership. In his ideal scenario. Unless you are like him so as soon as Lucifer departed what happened. His position is removed. So for you and I It is a wonder that God would trust us. To raise his children knowing that we are not like you. And that we have a ways to go. So when we first look at preparation number one we need to focus on character and comparing ourselves to the life of Christ and secondly we must acknowledge our deficiencies and begin to actively pursue the change in them. The last points that I want to make on this part is in Genesis chapter two. Genesis Chapter two after God created even brought Eve to Adam verse twenty three The Bible says and Adam said this is now what. Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh you remember in the previous seminar. That's what Laban said to Jacob. When he came in and he said Oh your bone of my bone your flesh of my flesh. What was he saying that you share my nature we are related. We are connected. And so in the same sense. Adam is looking at even saying if I have any bone. You are the bone of my bone. You're the very heart of my bones you're the very heart of my flesh. All that is flesh within me is actually you. And this is where we get the concept that Paul uses an infusion six that no man ever yet hated his own flesh. Referring to the husband and his wife because your wife is your second still to hate your wife is to hate yourself. So initially when we look at preparation for parenting as a parent. We have to think about how we are treating each other as husband and wife. If we don't see it this way and our children are definitely extensions of us. If we start disconnected and broken. We already know what's going to happen. Lastly. It says in verse twenty four Therefore a man shall leave his father. And mother. You know being a parent. You need to have a stable situation. You know a lot of people are having babies they don't have a house they don't know how to manage finances before this point where Adam and Eve have any children. They have an experience with God God is given the moral instruction you can eat of this tree but all these other trees you can eat your mean you can freely of but this one do not eat. God has given them a place to live. They have a garden that he planted. God is not only provided instruction he's the one that helped create their very relationship. And now at the end the Bible says For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother Adam doesn't have a earthly mother and father. So it's letting us know that this is the precedent that you go as a parent to establish your own home. Which means you can't be living in your Mom's basement. Or her beach house or the house outside or you from what I'm saying. So people out here trying to get married trying to have kids because once you get married you can have a child any day. And therefore this preparation is very key before you step into parenting. We don't have a stable environment. We're not set to have children. And lastly the Bible says they're joined to his wife. They shall become one flesh and they were both naked the man and his wife and we're not a shame you know one of the most critical pieces that we spoke about yesterday. That we just cannot reiterate enough. Is the ability for the husband and wife to be vulnerable with each other. That is foundational to where Adam and Eve were now obviously we know that they sinned by the time they had children. So unfortunately we don't get to see the transition from their own vulnerability in nakedness and not ashamed in how that translate into how they would have raised their children and treated them. But we know that that's God. Yes I do. So in these elements that we want to bring out before we get into the specifics of preparation for motherhood and fatherhood. We want to talk about these general things that apply to both husband and wife. Male and female. And this is so important. So that we don't have the sense that because on the priest of the home my wife has nothing to do with spirituality. That's not true. And because she's the one that's ruling over the home. I got nothing to do with the dishes or cutting the grass or fixing this and caring this. That's not true but sometimes you have this very traditional cultural kind of mutation of a biblical principle that's taken to a point of abuse in excess. It always hurts me when you know we travel and I see you know women care and all these bags in the airport. And a husband she was walking with one child. And I'm like what's what is going on with this picture. And I'm wondering like this is gonna see that his wife is struggling. She's got all kinds of bags she's got another kid walking cry and scream in and the dad just comes back to try to discipline. Everything else you know she he just keep walking forward. And you're looking at this situation and saying something is definitely wrong with this picture but this did not just become an issue when children came. It started before. Because even before you had any children. The question is where you carry your wife's bags where you giving honor. On to your wife as on to the weaker person. So in this fundamental approach. To Male and Female we both need to focus on these elements and it's very foundational to parenting and I don't think I can say that enough. Now I want to have Candace talk a little bit about you know preparation for mothers because obviously I don't know anything about that that level of pain. Is beyond me. So. Let. You know how you build times I just want to take us back to you all know when. There was a phase or a time when I really really wanted to be a mother. I finished school I had come into a new relationship with God I have been baptized had done ministry. I had. Been involved in evangelistic work and there were lots of different things that I had experienced and I thought you know the next thing that I'm looking forward to and at this time I have met Sebastian so we were in our courtship and so I was looking forward to the next phase of my life of being a mom being a wife and being a mother. And I remember reading reading so many things from Spirit of Prophecy and all the things that she talks about about mothers and how honorable position it is and I remember being so struck stricken by that because in society. You know motherhood is not necessarily something that anyone is a steaming you know to. Really. It's not like I'm trying to become a mother you know that's just something that you do on the side while you are aspiring to become a physician or you are spying for these other great things academically or professionally. But after reading different things. I thought you know I want to do. I want to restore this honor to motherhood that that that she spoke so much about and the fact that you know especially that. In the eyes of the recording angel I remember it was one of the things that were seen as being one of the highest missionaries in the world right. And so I thought oh hey I don't you have to go preach anywhere I can just stay at home and do things. And take care of things there and. So I had a real passion for restoring this this honor to motherhood and. And sharing that with other mothers that I had read articles about who were struggling with having their husbands going back to work except era and I just wanted to be in a current to them. And that was until things kind of changed after motherhood actually came and was actually my experience because you realize it's not just all those roses and you realize that the reason why there was so and so much. Written about the subject and why she spoke so highly about it was because she knew we need encouragement. Because it's not pretty. And granted there may be some moms out there who have had who. And I've met them who adore being a mom and it's just you know the icing on their cake but unfortunately PRAISE THE LORD FOR YOU. Amen. Unfortunately has not been my experience it has been quite a challenging one. So I can I can stand here and give you all the tips about you know making sure that your devotional life is up to par that you have you have the things that you're going to need to give making sure that you know you're disciplined within those areas where you're lacking discipline because when you have other things going on. It's going to be hearted to kind of hone in on and focus on yourself as much as you have the time to now I can tell you about time management and making sure to develop healthy ways of managing your time in because that will come in and be very helpful and useful. Once the baby in your family comes along. But instead of telling you all those little things because whether you you accomplish them and you perfect them beforehand or not having your children and having your family is going to help you develop those things anyway whether you like it or not. At least if you want to survive. So you come to realize that those things are go are necessary but the thing that I would. I think the thing that I would say is the biggest preparation for Mother is is that you start of committed to the journey of consistent change and in this is a change. That's that's intra personally so the in the change that's going to be going on within you. Whether it's spiritually physically mentally socially there's going to be lots of ups lots of downs but if you're committed to if you take time right now before that that phase comes in to be committed to staying the course no matter what and staying the course of Christ. No matter what not giving him that throwing in the towel to get back up and keep trying again to keep perfecting those things or trying and on that on on that progression to be where it is that. Where you want to be in all those different areas we talked about then I think that that already starts you off on a better foot because the change will happen you just have to be committed to going with the change in allowing the change to do what he wants to do which is to grow you to be a better you and I think you know be able to build off what you're saying is that. I'm an entrepreneur. So I run my own businesses and one of the articles I remember reading. Was about you know if we were to quantify what a mother does compared to all the different responsibilities. Within business as a business leader. C.E.O. or major executive and they as they compiled all these different things. They they started creating a research project where they were they were interviewing people for a job. And they said. So we want to interview for this job. We're looking for people with some basic skills but they didn't give them all the details and when they came into the interview. They said Are you going to stand on your free consistently. We can't promise any breaks. There's no guarantee that we you're going to be on call seven days a week. You won't be able to travel anywhere. You need to stay in town. We need to be you need to be accessible. You'll be able to cook. We'll be able to clean need to be able to do all these things and they were like. OK And they said well what's the pain scale and I said. Actually it's free where action offering any pages just turn ship. And people are like started laughing and are like what like what kind of position is this and at the end of the interview in the research they said oh by the way this is what mothers do every day. And they saw how ninety percent of the applicants when they were told what it would require they were like No I'm not interested. And yet they said millions of women signed up to do this every day. And are doing it successfully. And so as a business person it gave me a whole new respect for the fact that when Ellen White says that there's the greatest power for good on this earth next to God Himself. Is the mother. Think about that the greatest power is the influence of the mother but it's no surprise that when we look at how motherhood is viewed how it is treated and how a lot of times. Right. We look at it's better. It's more esteem in it's more respect to become a lawyer than it is to be a mom. And that's true because we all know right. Those high school reunions those college or unions those towns where you meet up with people from your old local church or old friends back and say What are you doing now. No girl wants to be that why I'm staying at home with the kids. All right Miss guys again you know I'm traveling the world in now I'm a V.P. for I.B.M. in we're creating this great new technology and you know did you see my piece there on Time magazine and the other girls I got candidates did you see my kid spilled milk on your Time magazine. Cyc sorry. About that and and first she feels that she has nothing really major to contribute and it takes me back to something that I told my mom recently. My grandfather passed away just about a week and a half ago and my mom called me to let me know and while we were discussing you know just the whole relationship with my grandfather and everything and I was telling my mom she said you know. Sebastian really proud of you and happy to do all those you know all the things that I see you doing and hearing about. And I said mom you know I didn't raise myself and so I said yes people may not know your name. They may not know you but as they meet me and they see well he's a gentleman. He's a person of God He's This is not in the third I said that reflects on you. And I said the greatest gift that Mary gave to the world was raising Christ. The greatest gift that Jock Abed gave to the world was raising Moses and so I said all the people that God may use me to bless. That goes back to you because you're the one that bore me. You're the one that decided I'm going to stick around and be a mom even norm a single mom. You're the one that decided that I'm going to work the fourteen hour days in risky and all that all that particular burden sometimes as mothers we forget that Einstein had a mom. Isaac Newton had a mom and these people had to not discourage their education discourage their genius discourage their passion. And that's always what my mother has been a nurturing Sebastian and that's what you want to do you can do it. When I told my mom hey you know when I get rich and all this stuff I'm a take you back to Jamaica. My mom could have said look around. How is that exactly going to take place. But that's not what she said. My mom just smiled and she says Well I'll make sure I have my back packed. Because she never wanted to discourage any passion that I had and so even though we were poor. We didn't have much. We were living on government funding and all this kind of stuff. Mom refused to allow me to think any less than what I was dreaming to do. And while for other people. That's not a glorious job right because there's no applause. There's no Oscars. There's no best mom of the Year award. The only thank you as my father used to say is to do something with your life. And that's how you can thank me. And in this sense. I believe with the preparation for moms is very important to recognize that this is not going to be a job that everyone's going to firm you but I think recognizing what Candace is saying how God sees it. How have been season and how we turn to the season. Should really encourage us and influence our approach in our preparation for. Let's talk about preparation for father's. You know I don't know if like Candy said you know giving birth to the child is a whole nother level. So it's perpetration for motherhood. I think that could be its own six part seminar session but preparation for fathers for me is a very simple thing. I don't see it as complicated and. I've told this story before. But I just want to repeat it again for the context of what we're talking about. You know when I was seventeen years old my dad had come to me and it was right before my eighteenth birthday and my dad said so. Subash I'm going to ask you a question. What's the difference between a boy and a men. And I said one year. When I turned eighteen and would be a men. And my dad. Unfortunately did not think that was funny. And he said no that's wrong. He said the difference between a boy and a men. Is that. You don't have to tell a man to take out the trash. He takes it out because it needs to be done. And he said as long as I or your mom or your sisters or your professors or some friends have to tell you what you need to be doing. You are a boy. No matter how old you are. But the day you start doing things simply because they need to be done then you will know that you are a man. And I say this to simply acknowledge the fact that in order to be a father this very point that I feel has been lost in our society this idea of duty of doing something because it just needs to be done. It doesn't have to be a glorious purpose. It doesn't have to be some great contribution to God's purpose from my life. Sometimes you take out the trash. Just because it needs to be done. And in this sense right. Jesus didn't come died for us. Just because it was a nice vacation it was some nice thing to do for us beings on the corner of the universe. Jesus saw that there was no other way for us to be saved. Unless he came down and died for our sins. So when Jesus came down. It wasn't glorious It wasn't pleasant it didn't feel good and nobody was there at the crossing Jesus were cheering you on. But he did it because he needed to be done and so one of the basic preparations for me that I argue to young men who are seeking to become fathers and even ones that are currently fathers or maybe about to become a father. Your number one principle needs to always started this fundamental level. I need to do things because they need to be done. That's all I need. I don't need my wife to nag me on its own behavior you know you really should be doing this. Look you know you should be doing. So you do it because it needs to be done. A second preparation that I want to mention for Father's is found here in Genesis Chapter eighteen one of my favorite texts. When it comes to father. Genesis Chapter eighteen beginning in verse sixteen the Bible says then the men rose from there and looked toward Sodom and Abraham went with them to send them on the way and the Lord said. Shall I hide from a burden when I am doing since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him for I have what. I have known him in order that he may command use children and his household after him that they keep the Way of the Lord to do righteousness and justice that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has spoken to him. Now I want you to notice in this passage that God is about to go to Sodom to destroy Sodom. He came in the form of these human travelers at the house of Abraham and Abraham in typical Abraham fashion became this amazing hospitality person get this cooking get this get these guys this and these are his guess he doesn't know that it's God this is where the term in Hebrew says be where when you entertain strangers. Because you might be entertaining angels unaware So Abraham taking care of his guests begins to realize that his guests are more than just the normal guests that this is God and angels of judgment walking with him and as their parting ways and thank you. Abraham for the hospitality and he's leaving. God says to himself in Genesis eighteen. He's literally thinking in his own divine Mind. Shall I hide distain from Abraham and I want you to think about the fact that God is basing his choice to reveal something to this men on the basis of I know that he will command his household. After himself. Based upon who Abraham was as a father God said you know what because I see the way you lead your household and he's not just talking about wife and kids you start Abraham servants as well. And Abraham servants kids as well. Everyone inside of his influence and under his leadership. God says I know that Abraham is going to command his children and his household after himself. That means number one. Abraham recognized that he was not going to ask anyone in his camp to do what he himself was not doing. Let's go wander and walk by faith while Abraham said I left my family and I'm walking by faith. Let's go wander no problem. Abraham is doing it. So the first point here is that God looks at Abraham and judges him. Not by the fact that he left he says. Shall I hide this thing from Abraham when Abraham trusted me so much that he left his family that would be a legitimate reason. Shall arrive this thing from Abraham seeing that Abraham is going to be willing to sacrifice his only son that could have been a justifiable reason. How much faith he had in God but God said No I don't look at Abraham based upon his sacrifice or that he left the earth of the counties and that he's walking by faith and living in tents. Even though he was a wealthy man he says I'm going to judge Abraham by who he is in his own home. And to make the point more salient. And why says in the eyes of God A man is exactly what he is in his own home. And quote. That means in God's mind he doesn't see you. The way everyone else. E.G. Y.C. sees you when you're doing your seminar. That's not how God sees Sebastian Braxton. If I'm not home God sees me as absent not as a great preacher. If I'm there and I'm not president. And I'm not loving and I'm not. And I'm not supportive in my home. That's how God sees me. And this is very very important for us as men to recognize that the very statement that God makes about Abraham in this text is automatically let you know what is God's priority. Moses went to the same thing when he didn't circumcise his son and after God called him to go liberate the people and he was walking back with the poor a god made him. To kill. So let me get this straight you just called the man to go deliver your people and now as he is walking to Egypt to go deliver your people you sent an angel to kill him. Why because Abraham did not. I mean Moses did not circumcise his son. Can you imagine the neglect of Moses in his family could have undermined all the great things God wanted to accomplish by him you would never know the name Moses. Not because Moses committed some great sin but because Moses neglected things in his home. You know you're a Jew and you know you should have circumcise your son. You're not doing your spiritual duty to your son. God says I don't want to have anything to do with you when it comes to delivering my people. This is huge. And as a preparation for father. We have to recognize that our priorities have to ship. Our priorities have to shift your family. Is your first ministry. And your goal is to command your household. After yourself. So that means I gotta get myself right. And I got to know how to communicate that and inspired that in my own family. And I want to end with this. Because I know my wife I can feel her eyes on me papa you're going to long. I sat down with a person one time. And I said you know it's fascinating to me when I used to when ISIS serve as a general vice president for G Y C. I used to spend anywhere from twenty to forty hours on conference calls a week. I want you to think about that twenty to forty hours a week just on conference calls my whole Sunday was gone. Game over. Wake up this call this call this committee. Whatever whatever then you're doing the work that you just got from the conference call. And I remember sitting down with this person after I had finished my service to G. Y.C. and I said you know what's interesting to me now that I have kids. Is I said we will get together and have conference calls about how we can inspire all these young people. How we can move them forward in how can we strategize in and create the right program to inspire them to move the work forward and to see Jesus come in our lifetime. But when is the last time you had a conference call about how can we make sure that husbands stay faithful to their wives. How do we strategize to give them the resources to be strong not just basic average priests of their home but strong priests of their home. When was the last time you had men getting together same and you pray for my marriage on the pray for your marriage. We're waking up early in the morning to go to United prayer because we're praying over the conference you want the outpouring of the Holy Spirit and you've got fathers that will even pray for the outpouring in your own home. In the same church. You already know which ministries are going to be cut from the budget at your local church Family Ministries is easy to go. Health Ministry easy to go. Health intemperance you know they show some video Sabbath afternoon about cancer. We decided to a Health Expo once a year family life let's do a family camp out in the woods once or twice a year. But you don't see. This kind of planning and passion and push when G Y C would be transformed if you just transform the homes that all the young people are going back to. So in this sense for me. The preparation for fatherhood. Is to prioritize ation that who I am right now as a person as a man. Is going to affect everything in my wife's life and everything in the life of my children. And I've got to make sure that I'm right and that I'm able and competent at commanding my household and my family after myself. Even my wife sitting in this. So as we move forward we're basically now moving more toward some practical things for you as a parent. We're looking at personal development as a parent. So I knew this was a parenting seminar here the kids raise a little bit. Personal development as a parent. You know one of the things that Candace and I often times we do kind of inadvertently is we have these conversations about interacting with our kids. And it's not something that we play and I don't think we really plan it is just more like hey you know I notice this about our son I notice this about our daughter Let's take this approach the next time we discipline and it takes a lot of humility. And a recognition that we've got to be teachable to continue to grow as parents. And so when we look at personally developing as a parent. You've got to think about strategically intentionally building every single aspect of your life your health your spiritual life your mental development your education because you don't want to be at a point where your kid is smarter than you at fourteen. And you can help them with their homework. I'm telling you the truth. I want to be able to say if my daughter's doing calc one count two I still want to be able to help out. So I got to keep developing my mind. And look at those weak areas of my life as a father or her as a mom of one of us doesn't have that strength that we got to develop and constantly keep growing ourselves as parents. In the thing I want to add to the. I think I don't know if I'm touched on it or run out of time but the development also developing as a unit together as well. As he said We come together and we talk about you know different things about the kids and the reason why we even have that space is because we have them. We have that ready that commitment to each other that we're doing this together and we want to be a united front when it comes to our children. So we have already created that space and saying we need to talk about different things. If I see you doing something you see me doing something. We have a space in an openness to talk about it. So being a united front is also a very very important component in thing to develop as as husband and wife. Especially as you go into becoming parents together and you know one of the funny stories all embarrass myself here is when we look at you know we can talk about having that space in agreeing that this is our goal. Sometimes you know I'm very tough on my son. It's just that I think it's just something in you as a father when it's your son is different than your daughter. Right. My daughter starts crying I'm like It's OK It's OK you know. Sorry. Relax but when it's my son and my stop crying. You have this certain thing where you want your son to be tough and you want to be hard and mentally strong and like It's OK son take a deep breath relax get up so I but your daughter you like helping her up carrying her everywhere. That's why their moms to balance it out. That's right. Crying. It's OK so it's so my so we develop this little system that we can keep each other accountable as parents. And so we were taught. And I will. What can we say because sometimes you want to make sure you control your tone when you speak to your kids and depending on what kind of day you're having right one parent can be off the other parent is on you know it's kind of like one person is flying the clouds of spirituality and heavenly mindedness and the other person is like man this is a bad bad day and you start hearing one parent go off on the kid said I told you the son. And so I was I was going off on my kids. And my wife we developed this this phrase Can you please pass the jelly right because we don't want to rebuke each other in front of the kids. Right. So we want to find a way to keep each other accountable but we don't want to destroy that authority that we have and so we develop that phrase. So there I was going off on my son my why would you do this. Why would you touch this and my son's like three years old so. My wife is like Papa can you please pass the jelly like no I'm not trying to pass no jelly right now and my kids start laughing and my daughter is like papa you don't even like jelly. That's true. And of course it causes me to calm down and you laugh and you know one of the other things we love to do on Friday nights before we bring in the Sabbath is we take time to say sorry to one another from things from the week. And it helps us to do two things with our kids one. It shows them that we're willing to admit that we make mistakes. And sometimes you know I go to my son and I say son I'm sorry this week. Papa was yelling at you I should have been raising my voice. My son is OK. Papa I forgive you. And as they're able to forgive each other and they forgive us and they see us forgiving then as well. Then my son begin my son is very very quick to say sorry then I may soon as we say all right. It's time to say sorry. Anything you have to say sorry. Then is the first one proper I'm sorry I went in there and I grabbed the orange and I should have asked but I started eating it. Way but I'm sorry. Papa it's OK I forgive you. I'm also sorry for he does have a lot to be stifling yet he's mainly but he's well very very willing to admit that he's wrong and he's very very willing to forgive. My daughter on the other hand. Yes she's a tough one. You know it's my book. My son will say you know I'm sorry I should have taken your toy that wasn't kind. And she was looking OK now if you're going to say sorry. No. One nothing need to say sorry that's not a crime. I don't want to say sorry. It's OK That's the reality sometimes you don't want to write it. It's a struggle. So you see it's human in our children in trying to model that and encourage them helps keep us again. Accountable in that way and as we grow as parents. So let's move towards some practical things it's called the Genesis five. And this is a quote that you know we like from the spirit of prophecy where she says what a man is has more influence than what a man says. You know this whole do as I say not as I do. That's not biblical. Somebody should have said Amen. That's not biblical. So in Genesis five we find very interesting insight about parenting. It says this is the book of the genealogy of Adam in the day that God created men he made him how. In the what in the likeness of God He created them male and female and blessed them and called them. Mankind in the day that they were created. And Adam lived one hundred thirty years and be got a son how in his own likeness. Are you with me. After his image and named him. Seth. Now in verse one. It says that Adam was made how. He was made in the image of God In verse three it says when Adam had a son. Seth Seth was in who's image. Adam's And so we can clearly see that there is a difference right. And this really if Adam was in the image of God and he had a son whose image should his son have been in God's image. Are you following that. But because of sin and because of what went on in Adam's life and because of Adam's failures and because of Adam's choices. He now developed his own image. And now his children. Unfortunately according to the plan of God They should have been born in the image of Jesus but they came out in your image. Are you following. So when we talk about being what you want to see you have to recognise that on one level you're already doing it. Because when our children are born they're born in our image they have our genetic tendencies to wrong. And because of our current lifestyle they will eventually have our cultivated tendencies to wrong parents always struggle with the fact that I may not be spending all this time in worship but I expect my children to be spending time in worship. Children are going to be made in your image. And we recognize that as parents we have to take our children from where they are which is in our image to the image of God That is our responsibility as parents God how can I be a tool of my child's life to bridge this gap between them reflecting my character and taking them back to your character. Are you from what I'm saying. Now you know I know one of the things we always talk about in our marriage is which kid is like who. Or you know how we are like our parents. And I know I always talk about how my wife is a lot like my mother in law. So I'm like men like I married my mother in law my own wife and my daughter is basically the spitting image of my wife so I basically have three of them in my life all the same woman at different stages of development. And it's it's it's it's amazing to me. To see those Association says Oh sometimes you know my daughter starts acting a certain way. And I learn how to interact with my wife by interacting with my daughter. And I'm like oh this is probably where my wife comes and I'll give you a classic example one of the things we can give in conflict. Yesterday was you know my daughter when she started getting very emotional and very upset. You know you start having this conversation and at first I would try to dialogue and I'm like you know enough to calm down. Take a deep breath and she's all tears and her whole face is messed up and I mean you thought Jesus came and she was lost and it's the littlest thing. Papa I didn't want Cheerios I wanted this. OK why are you crying. There's no need to be crying and you're trying to calm her down and so one time I just had this intuition which maybe I can see it was the Holy Spirit. You know I just felt moved to say you know instead of me talking to my daughter. Why don't I just start hugging my daughter and talk to her while I'm hugging or. Say. C'mere sweetness. You know so I later on my chest and I said what's wrong what's going on. She calmed down a lot faster the conversation with a lot better. You know eccentric setter So in my mind I was thinking man you know what if instead of arguing with my wife across the room. You know what if I started holding my wife while we're having an argument and it worked. And so you recognize that. You know seeing yourself in your children and seeing your spouse and your kids. You begin to learn a lot about each other and also to recognize. I said I got to illustrate these things to my kids I got to show them. Exactly what I want them to be I have to be there. And I know you know my wife is very very hardcore on this point. When it comes to the kids so if I tell her to do something with the kids and she's like I'm not doing that. So she's not going to be don't want to you got to tell them. I'm like well. I'm not doing that. I'm not there so I don't want to tell them something I'm not going to maintain. As a mom. And so it also reminds me of the fact that I am the opposite way. Because I'm a preacher right I'll tell you even if I'm not practicing or not I'm I gotta tell you the truth. But you recognize what your kids is not it doesn't follow the same if I just start telling me this is the truth. This is the truth is how it should be done not in my kids are smarter to start calling me up so I tell my son Hey so you should be talking with food. In your mouth at the table. Right next to papa should be talking food your mouth at the table is now back in the day you say that to your parents. You don't have any more food in your mouth but. I'm recognizing that that's not a very effective and biblical way to parent I need to let my kids know I'm subject to the same thing. And so if I'm not being kind. Then you know my kids are like hey papa that's not kind. You shouldn't do that and you know. Two quick funny stories. It's OK OK long she gave you the go ahead. So one time I was sitting in the room and I was I was working on some schoolwork. And my wife said are you guys it's time to clean up. It's time to get ready for bed. So my kids start cleaning up. But then you start hearing all kind of stuff hitting the wall right. You're like that does not sound like cleaning right and my wife comes back from the kitchen. Walks in the room in this place is completely destroyed and I just hear my wife like what are you doing. I told you. Clean up really good. I was like. I'm trying to type but you know you just couldn't tell because you can feel the tension in the next room. And I'm like oh lord my children are going to survive. So I started praying and as I started praying for my kids my daughter comes over to my wife and she's like mama. It's OK for you to be angry but you still have to be kind and I was like whoa. I was just waiting for the flat line. The same thing that we teach in so she just yeah that and I'm fine with it. And yes I mean if you tell them this is again what I learned from my wife so when they came back to me you know we have bought the kids different bags of chips for something I don't remember what it was for. And so I have my bag of chips and I'm. I like to save my food that's just my habit. And my son is the same way. So I just like part of it and then I save it for another time. So I put my chips on the table and of course my daughter she just smashes all the chips right away. It's all gone bag in the trash and she comes over to the table. She's like well papa can have some of your chips you just have some chips. Papa. That's not kind you're not sharing and I'm like I don't need this here you had your own chips papa do we need to pray. I said OK sweetness you can have a chip Popper just one. I'm like man this girl's work at this thing. And you're realizing right. I'm literally reliving my own dialogue with my daughter to go to my my son and be like yeah you can have one chip. Nothing you can one chip Pop I know I'm going to be on a lot of chips I'm like OK. How about two chips. Right. So here I am in the same situation and recognize that look I have to submit. And record I got it illustrated I have to be what I want to if I want my children to be generous. I got to be generous. And so it's very very important as parents that we are firm these particular principles. In terms of being what you want to see which is very important. Now let's talk a little bit about environment and of course you know my wife is home a lot more so. She's better at managing this than I am. But baby I want to talk a little bit about atmosphere. So I remember when I when I was younger I switched schools a couple times. My mom was moving around to different places and I remember there was one school in particular that that I was moved to that I really did not like and at the time I couldn't really tell what the reason was well in retrospect I remember that the wall the lights were very dim in that school when we come back in from recess the classroom smell like cigarette smoke which strike really gave me headaches. Did it just seem like a very dark and dismal place and I was always always always in the principal's office crying or in the nurse's office and then to the principal's office crying I couldn't do any work which was really surprising because usually I was the child that was always doing the things that you know academically I would always do my work and then. Some time passed and we moved again we switched schools actually because I wasn't performing very well there and we went back to the school that I was at before to a new school and this school the class the the walls were nicely painted in bright colors I remember the lights were brighter the teachers were so friendly. There was just I don't know but I was inspired and motivated to learn and I think those that are teachers here probably can can say the same thing that's what you strive to do every day in your classroom is creating an environment that's conducive for learning and that's the same thing that we have to do in a. Holmes is creating an environment that is conducive to to joining out and showing our children those principles that we want them to have as part of themselves being that love being security. A spiritual. Moral compass. Some of the things we talked about already about that love right that love being shown between mother and father. And how that that love that is shown to them and seen observed between two people that are pretty much their world how that when it's done consistently and unconditionally how that gives them security in that as well. Security to do the same thing and just security to continue growing and thriving in other ways he talked about forgiveness. And I think also you know one thing that like I said I was very humble so she's not going to share all those different things. I know she does well and one thing about creating an atmosphere of love is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting when you have little kids is that they get up early in the morning right but you're not trying to get up. And so you know my kids they're hard core and they can find a way out of any place we are traveling to they know how to find your bed. And so in our house. Right. My kids they come all the way down the steps you can hear them when they're coming. You wake up. You are free running to your door and always make sure our door is locked before I go to sleep so bad about why was I. Why do you lock in the door and my kids in the way when we boundaries and so my kids will come in are very polite to Papa Papa Can I come in you know and you realize that you know my kids get very sad because when they wake up the first thing I want to do is find us right and what what what a beautiful. You know illustration right of when I first wake up is my first desire to go find my Heavenly Father. Right. That sense of trust and security so soon as they wake up. They come down to the room and my wife is very good at this right so chilled leave the door unlocked and kids will just roll up in the bed. You know to hey mama can I come in. Yes you can come in. Honey and they come in they're all kids you know hey mama and they want to lay down scoot under the blanket in get all comfortable. I don't have enough pillow. But you just left your bed while you were in my bed and it's funny because you know I begin to see how much it changes the nature of their day. Their attitude that the very first reaction they see from us is NOT stop go over there. And you know for me. Early in the morning. If I don't have my time with Jesus man. It's not good. You know because I must tell Jesus early in the morning. So I am always very conscientious of the fact that my wife does it so seamlessly. That she can embrace them and be loving me and my wife is not a morning person. That's a shock to me I am a morning person. But my wife would be knocked out sleep past. Wake up. Yeah you can come in kids hug OK let's go back to sleep super free about it for me I'm like man your foot is in my back like a mom and I got to go to work and at least another thirty minutes and I'm already starting to complain and recognizing creating that atmosphere starts with those kind of little things when your kids come down in the morning be ready to embrace them. You always want to give them that sense that there's never any barrier between right when you're around mom and pop you're always you're always accepted You're always welcome. And I'm always happy to see you never want your kids to feel like oh yeah I'm stressed out to see. In that sense you know it's something that you know watching Candice and learning that that helps create that atmosphere. For them. As well. So it's it's very very important. Also in terms of spirituality. In our house we have a prayer room that we mention that's just for prayer. We have a little wall with cards and things like that we put our prayer requests on and our kids have their own cards and prayer requests for their friends. And again when we go there to have worship or prayer in the morning. Again they they see myself or they see Candace and they're praying and are able to join us in that space and again this begins their own experience of saying hey I see bomb improper doing it and because your mom and pop what they want to do with you do so. My son sees me preach he wants to preach he sees us in the prayer he wants to pray. So now the walk up in the prayer room in my daughter just fall down and he's a star. I'm like not to worry Pop I'm praying. You got a way to get up and start to get out of the thick but you you realize that. How can you hold back right. Your kids from doing those kind of things you want to encourage that. And it's starting with your own example and that space that you created in your house as well. So for us having that room. Also lets our kids know that spirituality is part and parcel of our family. Right. Jesus is not just an external person he has his own room in our house that's Jesus's room you can go talk to him there anytime. And that lets them know that Christ is very central to our family and very important. OK. But one thing I want to remember before we end is that you know in a in a classroom or teaching our children we want them to their math in all the different subjects and we want them to excel in those things and so we're helping them do that. At at home. Our goal is to be teaching them these principles that will directing guide the rest of their lives you know honesty forgiveness love the things about integrity and we don't realize sometimes that. Yes they're little people but they have really big struggles and the things that they're struggling with even if even if it's over bowl of Cheerios versus some oatmeal to them that is the biggest thing that's that's really pushing them post. The edge. I mean our edge is a lot farther but that they have reached their own edge and so just being conscious of the fact that what they're feeling what they're experiencing is very real and we should handle that with care and when we have an environment that allows for there and that encourages. Those those those values the love the gentleness the forgiveness all those things. It allows them to feel that they're in a place where they are being handled with care while they're going through these daily struggles and battles and as adults we know the battle itself is very real and what if we had that same. I know we'd love to have that same kind of gentleness extended towards someone being understanding and and providing us all same greases which we know that Christ is a man so thank you Lord. We have it there. And so he's seeking for us to do the same for our children to be that hand of care with them in. All right well again we'll be putting the presentations online and so we were unable to cover all the principals but we'll be able to give you the slides will talk about structure in a loving father some practical counsel. And also the potential impact of your kids again if you have questions or you can submit it to this U.R.L. Just type in tiny U.R.L. dot com slash advising love and you'll receive a typed form put in your questions and tomorrow afternoon when we come to our succession. Just do a very brief introduction to some trends and then try to answer as many questions as we can all right let's go and have a prayer to quote. When I'm pretty sure. Let's pray. Loving Father in heaven. We thank you lord that you are example and as to what it means to be a parent and we thank you for that you have given us this gift to having that experience as well here on Earth as we are all in different stages in phases when that time. Does come that you will help us to be proper illustrations of you even in our homes this we ask and brain Jesus name this message was presented at the G Y C twenty sixteen conference when all has been heard in Houston Texas. I see a supporting Ministry of the Seventh Day Adventist Church seeks to inspire young people to be bible based Christ centered and so winning Christians for other resources like this visit us online at W W W G Y C Web dot org.


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