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3. The Ministry of Healing the Mind

Amanda Anguish

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Do you wish you could just stop yourself from the negativity that fights for space in your head? In this session, we’ll pull out all the stops to stop the insanity.

Conference

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  • December 29, 2016
    2:45 PM
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This message was presented at the G Y C twenty sixteen conference when all has been heard in Houston Texas for other resources like this visit us online at W W W T Y C Web dot. OK well I'm going to start and maybe if I start talking people outside will hear to. Today I'm going to talk about Herb Right now I'm going to talk about the ministry of healing the mind and we were probably aware of the book ministry of healing but there's actually a lot of things that we can do to heal the mind when I was in first grade I mentioned in the last seven are that I had difficulty learning how to read when I was younger. Part of that was because I was stubborn and partly because the rules did not make sense when it came to actually reading words like enough. That's not spelled like it's supposed to according to what you learn in school and I had a really difficult time learning how to read but my incentive was there was only one other kid in what I like to call the delinquent reading group when I was in first grade. And he was the trouble maker in the class and so I decided I mean they're going to be stuck with him forever or I've got to get my self into gear and learn how to read or else I'm going to be stuck with him and I'm going to have the same reputation. He's and he's a nice guy today but I had some trouble as a first grader being stuck in the group with him and he'd get teased all the time and then I felt like the teasing was put on to me too because we were both in the same reading group. So when the. The summer between first and second grade came along I decided that I was going to read an entire book and one day. Well that's a big deal when you're in first grade. And it was one of those Dick Jane Spot books but it was like the ones with the chapters in it. So I buckled down and I put myself in my room and I spent the entire day reading the book and I was convinced by the end of the day that I would be a much better reader and I wouldn't have to bleep be in the delinquent reading group when I went back to second grade. I didn't have to go back to the delinquent regime for it was in second grade and I learned how to read. So it was a good thing but we don't realize sometimes it takes work to do the things that we really need and some of us have been put in some bad habits of thinking because of the way we grew up or the things that we were taught and so I want to spend some more time with you if you've been to some of the other seminars I've done and those of you who are new this is your first time teaching you that there is actually an art to thinking there's actually an art to the way we put our thoughts together and often we think our belief is that I don't have any choice in the matter. I'm just the way that I am and that it's extenuating circumstances other people's faults or just the circumstances we have in our life that bring us to these bad places and our life. I've never heard somebody say oh this always happens to me why do I always get stuck in the situation. The simple answer. You're not going to like me afterwards because of you. We are off to I know it's not the it's not that it's the simple answer but I'm going to explain that to you and I'm going to actually show you exactly how this works but so many times we are our own worst enemy. It's not somebody. Else doing it to us we think that it's easier to believe that it's somebody else. But we're actually doing this to ourselves and I was doing that to myself for a long time I thought all of these things in my life were I just got the short straw. I just got the short stick or whatever the saying is you want to use I thought that I had no choice. And these are just the circumstances but if in actuality if we look around us if we pay attention. There are people who are actually doing a lot worse than we are sometimes. Or they have worse circumstances or worse people in their life but I believe that depression and anxiety are diseases of self. And I'll explain that. When I am depressed. I'm focusing on all of the psychosomatic symptoms that are happening in my body the heart rate beating fast my blood pressure going up my breathing going fast I'm taking lots of short shallow breaths and I think oh there's something wrong with me and people who have anxiety attacks where do they eventually end up. In the E.R.. And then the doctor does all the tests just to rule out. There's a heart problem and then at the end of the visit the doctor says there's nothing wrong with you. Just take this pill. Well what is the pill it's like Xanax or something like that to reduce things I do but that is I don't want the people I work to be dependent on medications. I don't want them to think that that's the only answer to their problems because there are a lot of people in this world. It used to be that therapy and mental illness was seen as taboo. Nobody wanted to talk about it and still in some places it is absolutely. But you know what I'm starting to see in the media more and more now. And this almost saddens me even more is that people think of mental illness as like just their personality. Well I'm. Depressed What do you know you're anxious. I'm depressed. What do you know you're depressed too oh yeah they were both suppressed and you even see this in the movies too now. Not that I'm watching these movies but I pay attention to the things that are going around around and some of these movies are actually starting to glamorize mental illness. You see you see movies where the whole movie is about two people who are in a mental illness hospital and they fall in love and they're crazy just works together. That doesn't really work the way they say it does but that's what these people think. And so rather than rather than ignoring it. Now we're flipping way over to the other end of the spectrum and we're saying Oh well everybody has mental illness What's yours. I don't think we were meant to live that way and I come from my own depression and anxiety. Not anymore but I have that and I'm here to tell you you don't have to stay with us. Fortunately I grew up in a time where nobody went to the therapist and they didn't have all the medications that they do nowadays. So I didn't even have those options but there were things that I had to learn to tell myself in order for me to get out of and I believe very much for any one of you that might be experiencing anyone in your life that you might be able to have some influence and helping that there is a way out and it's not just medication. Now some people might need something to kick them into gear but I don't believe that that is supposed to be the way of life that God intended for us and there are some lifestyle choices and some thought choices that we can make to get out of that. So I want to share some of those things with you today. So far I've been talking about irrational beliefs and irrational beliefs are the things that get us into the long term depression the long term anxiety Sorry you'll have to bear with me. The screen keeps going out every once in a while. But the slide right their shows. That you know sometimes like say you can't go to bed until four am or you can't fall asleep until four am. Well what happens because of. You wind up sleeping until eleven am so I can't get to sleep that night. And this is often what we do with our own mental illness as we say well I'm stuck with this so I'm forever going to be stuck with it and we actually perpetuate the mental illness. If I wake up and I'm depressed in the morning. What I tell myself see it never goes away. I'm just stuck with. Well what am I likely to feel the rest of the day if I tell myself see I'm just stuck with depression. I'm likely to feel depressed the rest of the day. If I wake up in my heart's racing and I'm having a hard time breathing and I tell myself see Amanda you having Zajac you're never going to get over it would you I'm one of my going to wind up doing. I'm going to be anxious now about being full of anxiety. You know the interesting interesting thing is when we having Zaya the we're more likely to have depression and when we have depression we're more likely to having you know why that is. Every day that I wake up depressed now I'm anxious about the next day that I'm depressed every day that I'm anxious now I'm depressed that I mean just all the time. So they they facilitate each other. But I want to share with you what I consider to be the pattern of why we get stuck in this way and I like to call it the five piece. The first P. and this is also how you're going to be able to understand why you get stuck in the patterns that you do why the same thing tends to happen to you over and over and over again whether you get into the same relationships over and over again whether you go out whether you hang out with the same people all the time whether you seem to attract trauma in your life and things like that there is actually a reason this happens. And so I'm going to share these five piece with you and the first he is. Past. This is based on experience that I've already have. That tended me or tend to lead me to thinking that these are going to happen again. So this is the partial sum of our experiences that we use is what we call evidence for our irrational belief so when I say partial sun what I mean is if I am fifteen years old and I have grown up in a difficult environment maybe I've been teased or something like that. Then what am I most likely to tell myself about the future of my relationships. You know I am going to think well I'm just there's a problem with me I'm going to get teased all the time right. And this is often what happens. And so the past. Can be the reason why some of us experience these things but what we've learned from the previous seminars is that the past is not always an accurate indicator of what's going to happen in the future. How many people are there in the world. About seven billion range. If I grew up in a family of actually I'm going to share with you an example of a client that I had I had a client to grew up in a family and she was one of probably three kids and the other two were boys. And her father and those two brothers abused her. I'm not going to go into all the details but those the men in her life all abused her. So based on her past. What do you think she believed about men. All men are abusers and so this leads to number two predict. So based on her past. She believed or she predicted. Remember this all goes back to our believes. She predicted which is a belief that the Past experience is going to lead to the future. So her belief was all men are going to be used me just like the men in my life and this was actually a client of mine and she believed that all men were going to be the same way that her father and her brothers were to her now how many people did we decide where in the world. Roughly about seven billion. Are three men indicative of the other three and a half billion men in the world that would be a poor way to judge decide what all men were like I don't think all men are abusers. But I know some women have experience that even some boys or men have experienced abuse from men and that's one of the reasons we find a lot of people having trouble with their identity. I'm glad that the plenary speaker talked about identity because that's a huge issue that people are facing right now is identity and sometimes past experience with men with women can set us up for predicting who we are based on that and who others are based on those past experiences. So in this case this woman predicted that all men were going to be like. Well the problem is when you predict those things. What happens is you know most women at some point in their life want to be in a relationship. I used to work in the substance of recovery and I worked in a women's program so it was a residential program and I want you to know that not everything you hear in the media is true. I hope you already knew that but not everything you hear in the media is true and in this specific case I worked with some women who had been abused by men in their lives and they didn't necessarily feel sexually attracted to women but when men are dangerous but you want love. And you. Don't have a true sense of your identity and other people's identities. Then you will often go to the thing that gets you the closest to love even if it's not the thing you're physically attracted to. And I've seen this over and over and over again. So not one size fits all for the issues that we're dealing with in our society. But this woman she wanted to be in a relationship. Now she didn't choose to be with another woman but she decided well if all men are abusive. Do you think she's going to be discerning about what kind of man she chooses to be in her life. If they're all abusive why would I even care. I already think they're going to be abusive soul just take what I get and so she was not discerning about them and that should bring into her life and also she was in an environment where there probably weren't a lot of great stand up guys. But she decided what happened in my past will happen again. When we talked about eleven irrational belief categories and if you get the chance if if they put me on audio verse or something. I hope you listen to it if you weren't here for the previous session. This is an example of overgeneralization an overgeneralization when I think what happened to me one or two times or by one or two people or not enough to count it as a true case or evidence that I will just assume all things will be that way and it's also a matter of fortune telling where I predict the future is going to be based on what I think it is and not necessarily what's true and I know some good men in this world who are not abusive. So I want you to know that I don't believe the same thing that she does or she did. But what when we predict something. It also leads to the next thing. Well in her case she predicted that and she wound up getting a lot of abusive guys in her life. But then the next thing that we do and I want you to be thinking of this in terms of what you experience yourself what you. You go through. Maybe your thing is an abusive people in your life and maybe you have something else I want you to be putting yourself in this place as we go through the five piece but the third thing is now project. If I believe something. We have something in psychology and the word is project and what that means is I ascribe unacceptable of all qualities to another person not necessarily accurately but based on past experiences. So if I really believe something is going to happen then I start looking for reasons to follow that prediction or belief continue to believe that prediction. And for example she said you're going to hurt me just like they did because you did this. Now if I decide at any point to walk outside of the door there and there's a man standing by the door but he doesn't hold the door open for me or he walks through first and doesn't stop to hold it open for me if my belief is that all men are abusive. I could easily take that moment and go see he treats me just like all men have. See what I'm doing I'm projecting undesirable characteristics on him merely because he didn't open up the door for me. Not because he's a jerk. Not because he's abusive. I haven't seen that. But if I believe something I will start to project that belief on to all of the circumstances in my life. For instance if somebody lets me down and they show that they're trying untrustworthy to me and then I call up a friend and we're supposed to meet up later and my friend calls me and says you know what I mean I am so sorry but I'm going to be ten minutes late because I got stuck in traffic or I was doing something else and I totally lost track of time I could easily take that first feeling of nerves first belief of not being able to trust people because that was my experience in one. And start projecting that onto this situation go see she's just putting me off because just like everyone else. I can't trust her either. And then what if I go down to the store and I buy something it doesn't wind up getting in my grocery bag after I'm done paying for it. Now I can go see he's not trustworthy either because he didn't put my stuff in the grocery bag. Just like that didn't happen to me earlier and it didn't happen to me earlier before that I can't trust people now is that necessarily the fact that all people are not trustworthy or I can't get them to do things for me or there's something wrong with me. No but if that's what I want to see I can easily put together the evidence in a way to make it. Meet what my belief is or what my prediction is. And sometimes this is what we do. If I believe I attract a drama. I'm going to start looking for all the drama that happens. And I'm probably going to start getting myself involved in it because I believe that I attract drama. I had a girl M. in the group home that I was working with and I said I said to her because she had been and a really bad situation. Growing up and just all the stories she would tell me I was exhausted hearing them and not because I didn't want to hear them but all of the stuff that she was putting herself through the relationships how people were mistreating her how she was getting involved with people she shouldn't have. I finally asked her I said. Don't you ever just want your life to be calm. And she said no that would be boring and I thought oh my. I can't I can't imagine a life like that where you're always caught up and stuff but what was she doing. She was actually looking for those opportunities to create drama because she got used to it. And then this. Leads us to the next thing. Which is provoking. So the woman that I gave you the example of where she was in the abusive relationships. She eventually she after telling me all the stories of the abusive relationships that she had been in she finally told me that you know what I actually met this really nice guy once well if you did enough you're probably bound to find a good one in there and so she found a good one and I wasn't the one I never met him so I it wasn't me who said he was a good guy. It was her I so I still don't know but she thought he was actually a good guy and I said well what happened and she said Well when I met him I was so convinced that he was going to abuse me like all the others. That one day we were having an argument. Now she was not living the kind of lifestyle that I would encourage she was living with her boyfriend and they were on the bed one day and they got into a disagreement. Now from what she said it wasn't a bad one but they got into a disagreement. Well what's a person to do when she thinks she's going to be hurt by a man and it hasn't happened yet and she's on the edge of her seat because her believe her prediction is I'm going to get hurt. Well she started provoking the hurt now she started pushing him. She started yelling at me at him because she was convinced that he was going to treat her just like all the other guys had. Well what's a guy to do when he's being hit. And he's being ridiculed and put down. Most people are not fair. Pice they don't go oh here let's talk about this. I can see how this and this and this means this is happening to you and everything. No most people don't do that most people don't get this and so of course the first thing he's going to be thinking about is I need to defend myself I'm getting hurt. So he grabbed her and pushed her away now. Wasn't violent about it. There's a difference. And she is the one that said I pushed him and he pushed me back to get me off of him and she understood what had happened after the fact. Well when he pushed her off of him. What do you think she said I see you're just like I thought you were going to be you're just like all the other guys who treated me that way. Now I'm not here saying you should get in relationships with any guy because they're not as abusive as you know she thought that they were or whatever used to certain men but in her case he was not going to hurt her. He was not going to hit her. He was not going to treat her badly. By what she told me but she didn't trust that because what was her belief. Now the worst part isn't the fact that she provoked it. The worst part. Is that it becomes a pattern and this is the fifty. This is what happens when people say I'm always getting myself into these situations where they don't even always say that they'll just say why does this always happen to me I'm like a magnet for these things. But I've known women who have I'm using Limon as an example because I hear a lot of these things but I know women who go on dates and they'll start parading the guy about you better treat me like this or you better do this because the last guy who tried this. I didn't let him get away with it and I'm telling her. Why would she just assume that he's going to do that. That says a lot about her that she's assuming that a guy is going to treat her that way. Right. And this is the problem. This is the definition of insanity when we do the same thing over and over and over again and we expect a different result. But even worse than that is when we do the same thing over and over again and we actually expect the same result. That's an even worse form of insanity. So I hope that as you look at this the five peas that you will start to ask yourself questions of what am I a predicting. What are the things in my past that I've experienced that I me be provoking I may be predicting and projecting and they're becoming a pattern in my life. And I do not say for instance I fail my first grade spelling test. And what if I tell myself you know I'm a poorer speller. I can't spell worth anything. Do you think I'm going to try to learn how to spell after that. But yet lots of people do. Lots of people actually overcome their weaknesses their or their initial weaknesses. But so often when something happens to us. Maybe once maybe twice even three times we go oh that's a pattern this is just going to this is how it's always going to be and then we live our lives. By that pattern. And then we wonder why we're in the same situation every single time we try if we try. I want you to avoid that. And I don't believe that God intends for any of us to be in that pattern over and over and over again but one of the beautiful things about the spirit of prophecy as I've been reading. I love Ellen White for those of you who haven't heard me say that before I love being an Adventist and I love. Ellen White. I am equally as excited and afraid of her. I'm like I want her to be my best friend and then like wait she'd be really honest with me. I'm not sure about that but I would like I would appreciate that. One of my one of my close friends is actually very forward with me. She'll say whatever she thinks and I love it. I'm like I never have to wonder what she's thinking but these kinds of people in the THESE kinds. Things in our life we want to pay attention to the truth. We want to actually look through our patterns we want to see what's going on because sometimes those people in our lives that try to tell us something gods using those people to unearth those those roots that we've been digging deeper and deeper and deeper into our life patterns and I believe also the spirit of prophecy says that one of the reasons we keep going through the same thing over and over and over again and I'm going to spend some more time on this on my Sabbath talk. That God wants us to gain victory in it. So if we continue to go through these patterns God's letting it happen. Not because he hates us. That's the that's what the devil tells us. That's happening but he lets us go through these patterns because he wants us to be victorious in them and will never be victorious until we actually go through it and come out victorious. So we have sometimes we have to go through these things and till we learn until we have that moment where we go oh that's why this keeps happening. I need to do something different and God is patient enough with us to do that God is not the helicopter parent that does it for us and says no. OK I'll come in and fix that for you. So you don't have to deal with it all God's the parent that sits patiently by and says OK. Why do you try this way I'll be patient while you figure it out see it didn't work this time. Why don't we try a different way to do it next time and I'll sit here patiently until you figure it out I had a kid in the group home. I was telling the group before that I worked in a group home for seven years and I worked with all of the criminal kids against the drugs any kind of crime you can imagine I worked with those kids. I loved it. I was like again even though I was stubborn growing up I was like the good kid. I never did anything really bad. I talked. Back maybe but I do anything really bad. I was always too scared of the outcome. Maybe that's what makes me a therapist I could always see the future and what that meant but I remember a kid I was sitting with him and I was talking with him and he says and he kept telling me how he was doing this thing over and over and over again that just kept hurting him I mean it was. It was frustrating for me to watch him. And. I remember thinking to myself wow if I ever wanted to strangle somebody it was like right now. And it was not because I didn't like him or I was like super angry it was that I was watching him inflict pain on himself over and over and over again and he was not willing to pay attention to how he kept perpetuating the pain. And I hated sin and I just wanted to stop it. So I didn't want to kill him. I just wanted to like shake him and get it through to him and I realized in that moment that I was getting frustrated. You know sometimes when you're in the in the worst situations God speaks to you in those and I remember thinking to myself wow I mean and. Maybe God's doing this with you. He's just being patient with you because he realizes you keep making the same choices over and over again and you keep struggling now maybe I wasn't struggling with the same things he was but we're all struggling with something we better be struggling with something because I don't think anybody's done yet but we should be struggling with it because we should be working out our salvation as the Bible tells us we're supposed to be doing. And so the struggle is not something we should fear. It's something we should say Thank You God for working with me on this one too but I remember in that moment thinking God this is what you are doing with me. I allot more compassion on him after that but this is the five peas. But this is just a reminder from testimonies from the church book five page three ten. You should acquire habits of self-control. Even your thoughts must be brought into subjection to the will of God we actually need to control what we think if we think that we're the victim all the time we need to change that we need to control that thought replace it with something else and your feelings under the control of reason and religion. We're going to get to that control of reason and religion your imagination was not given you to be allowed to run riot and have its own way without any effort at restraint or discipline. If the thoughts are wrong. The feelings will be wrong and the thoughts and feelings combined make up moral character. This is what we're working on is our moral character. So the A.B.C.'s of cognitive behavioral therapy I know some of you have seen this already. It's like a commercial you hear it over and over again you're more likely to absorb it. If you hear it over and over again. So the A.B.C.'s of cognitive behavioral therapy cognitive merely stands for our thoughts and what I should do it this way because you're looking that way. Our thoughts. Lead to our behaviors and our behaviors eventually lead to how we ultimately feel so that's what cognitive behavioral therapy is looking at our thoughts and our behaviors and how those affect how we feel. But these are that these are the main elements and these are the A.B.C.'s You only have to remember five letters you don't have to go through the whole alphabet they activating a vent. These are the things in our lives that. Merely set us up for a belief when I say the word activate what do you think of. If you activate something. You start it. You get it going right. So activating events those people that bug us or harass us all those situations in life that we don't like those merely activate a belief. And that belief can either be rational or irrational. It can be our self talk our thoughts. Any time something happens you will have a thought about it you will have a belief about it. You will have self talk about it. Everything that happens to you you will have a response response of belief about it if you don't think so. Merely slow yourself down until you can figure out what it is but that belief then directly affects your consequences. Most people think that the activating advance in my life make me feel and do certain things. So we say things like he made me do it. She made me feel this way. Right. We hear that all the time but that's not actually true. What he said about me. Lead to a belief that I already have about myself or I choose to believe about myself. Which leads to how I ultimately feel and behave. So if somebody calls me a bad name. But sounds so cute like a little kid said bad name. If somebody says a derogatory comment about me I have to see I wanted to show you that I was mature and I can use big words if somebody says a derogatory statement about me I have the choice to believe a I'm exactly who they said I am because they must know everything about me and be able to make those decisions. That's one example or the other choice. I have is to believe that they can have their opinion they can say whatever they want to we still live. Well mostly in a country that believes in freedom of speech and so they can say that but it doesn't mean that's who I am. Maybe that's more a reflection of who they are that they're calling me that name than it is actually a reflection of who I am. Do you see the difference. I get to choose what I believe about what that person does what they say that circumstance how it happens and then that's alternately with how I decide or how I feel or how I behave. Now if I feel if I believe the first one. How am I going to feel. Down in the dumps probably. I'm going to ask. I doubt I'm going to Eiseley maybe do some self harm kinds of things but if I actually believe that that person has the right to say whatever they want. I don't have to like it but they still have the right to say what they want and believe what they want. And it's not necessarily a reflection of me how my going to feel after. I'm going to have a little bit more power in the situation I'm going to feel a lot more hopeful in the situation and I don't have to go hurt myself I don't have to draw down. You know a tub of ice cream and some chocolate and go watch them. You know movie that makes me not have to think about what just happened. I don't have to call somebody and vent about how awful this person is that they called me this I don't have to do that. Because I've just told myself Now which one is true. Probably a lot closer to the second one. Now if I've done something to elicit that kind of criticism than maybe it's true and I have to evaluate that. And what I should do next. But in most cases we're not as bad as people say we are when they say the worst about us. And so if that happens. I'm not going to feel I'm not going to feel so bad I'm not going to do anything bad because I don't have to call everybody. But if I do have irrational believes. That I need to dispute them. And when I dispute an irrational belief and I replace it or reframe it with a more rational belief. That's what brings about effective change it has nothing to do with the activating event. And everything to do with what I believe about the activating event. So when people want me to take out their mother or their spouse or something like that when they come to therapy I say I'm sorry I can't do that. Ethically I can't do that either but I can't do that. I can't fix them. They're not here you. We were here. So let's do what we can with. Who's here. And so but that's a lifestyle change. I don't want to I don't want to give you any fad diet with your thinking I want to give you a lifestyle change with your thinking and that's what we're here to do. So there are four different strategies of how to actually dispute my beliefs when I have irrational ones when I have stinking thinking as one another way we call it the first one is a logical strategy and I have to ask my question myself a question when I notice that I have negative emotions I feel hopeless and helpless and things like that then obviously my belief is going to be irrational. Because no rational belief is going to lead me to feel hopeless and helpless. So if if I'm feeling hopeless and helpless. I have to ask myself are my beliefs and self talk reasonable sensible and logical. Is this really how it is is what I'm feeling or thinking true. You know a lot of people say I feel like this person is or is doing this to hurt me. That's not actually a feeling it's a thought but we say feeling as though it's a thought. So that's just another little thing I want to share with you but is what I'm thinking true is this emotional reasoning on my or their part. When I shared with you. The irrational belief categories one of the big ones is a motional reasoning. I believe something because of how I feel not because of how it really is. And sometimes people will believe things soley based on their emotions. The sad thing is that sometimes people in our lives have emotional reasoning. And we believe them because they're so convincing with how they're responding to their emotional reasoning. I worked with lots of people and I'm just going to use this and as an example sometimes parents deal with. Their children's emotional reasoning. Now. Have you ever seen a kid throw a tantrum. And mom. Will try to convince the kid to stop throwing the tantrum because it's in public and what mom wants to have to deal with their kids throwing a tantrum in public. It's embarrassing but then the mom will try to start reasoning with the child and then the child keeps throwing a tantrum and then the mom will eventually say OK fine I'll give it to you if you just stop. Well soon as you give the kid it what does the kid do. But you know. The kid learns the kid stops but then learns if I act out if I use emotional reasoning I'll get what I want. Well fast forward twenty years. And that keeps happening. Now when the kid is no longer a little kid and as an adult and they're at work and their boss gives them a project and it's the eleventh hour of the day and they're ready to go home. And that now adult says I shouldn't have to deal with this. This is so unfair and they cry I can't do this and then they don't show up at work the next day because they don't feel like it. I think I'm coming down with a cold. I can't do it. That's what we get when we give in to other people's emotional reasoning. And I've seen this happen over and over again. I've seen it actually happen to the point where parents will give their drug addict kids money. Because that kid might say something like I need money and the parent goes I can't give it to you because I know what you're going to do with it. We've been over this before and the kid starts saying things like Yeah but when I was eight and you abandon mean you let this and this and this happen. You don't love me you didn't love me then you don't love me now. And what happens. The key. Kids' emotional reasoning. Now turns into the parents' emotional reasoning. Now because of guilt. I feel like I need to give in because I don't want to be that bad parent do two wrongs make a right. No giving in. Just because of guilt. Just because of feeling bad about those past things is not the best way to remedy the problem. Absolutely not. But sometimes our friends do this to emotional reasoning. I've had such a bad day and I just want to buy this thing I know I can't afford it but I need to do something nice for myself. And then they say oh what do you think should I get this and we go. Yeah you deserve it. Right. I feel sorry for my friends when they do stuff like that to me because they know how I'm going to respond. It is not the most fun having a therapist for a friend but the Bible says. Come let us reason together we need to be reasoning and not feeling about things about making our decisions but the next one is a reality based strategy so this is the second afford to strategies for disputing. This is where we ask ourselves are my beliefs and self talk a base on actual evidence an observation. Have you either been with somebody or have them Been be with you and they have said like oh my life is falling apart nothing's going right. And then you're like no that's not true. This just happened over here and what about this. This was a good situation. No you don't understand everything is just falling apart. Well what are we. What are we doing. We're not basing it off of evidence and observation because if we were we wouldn't be having we wouldn't be saying all those things because we'd also be taking into evidence. The good things that were happening. Right. And the evidence would probably balance itself out it least if not show that good things are happening even more than bad. So have I seen evidence of this am I missing something. And should I look for more evidence or how others might see the situation and one of the previous talks I talked about the fact that you know if you're a good judge. Are you going to have the defendant and. That's the other one. Just trying to see if you're awake prosecutor. If you're going to have both of those in front of you and one is right but you like the up the way the other one dresses better. Are you going to go you know what I like her. So even though the evidence is pointing that this person is right in this case I'm just going to go with her and I'm going to say that she's right. You would never do that you would get kicked out of court in no time. How about a scientist. Well I think kids who eat lots of candy do better in school and they do all the evidence and you find out. No Actually kids who eat lots of candy don't do better in school but I really like candy so I don't want to see that candies bad. So I'm just going to say can be good. No scientist would ever. Well I don't know there's some bad science out there but if you're a good scientist you would never do that you would be able to show proof of it and yet so often we feel a certain way or we think a certain way and we don't have any evidence for it. We just go well I feel this way. This is what I think. Even though other people are telling us the evidence points in the other direction. So be a fair idea there be a therapist to you but be a scientist and a judge separate yourself a little bit from your feelings and look at the evidence what is the evidence and this is why I tell my clients often spend time in the morning in the evening. Conjuring the things you're grateful for. Because if you do that you'll be much better off. The next one is useful strategy we're going to ask ourselves are my beliefs and self talk helpful useful and practical in attaining my goals. Now this is I took this from a more secular thing. But realistically what is all of our goals. What's a common goal that we should all have think of it in terms of you're at U.I.C. follow Christ and bring others with us to Christ as well. Ray we should be leading people to Christ. Well if that is my goal and anything gets in the way of that goal should I make that a priority. Even if I feel like that for the moment. I know. So if I'm looking for a helpful and useful strategy. I'm not going to be looking at the things that take me away from Michael I'm going to be looking for the things that point me towards my goal. Especially when I know that's a biblically based goal and. My screen is. Having Tourette's. Or is this going to give me an excuse to stay stuck or be a victim. Sadly sometimes we want to find all the evidence to believe what we want to believe because then we don't have to do anything. And we have a great what we think is a great excuse for not having to move or forward. You know this is specifically the the story of the Talents. You read that story. One was given five talents he doubled his one was given to he doubled his one was given one. And what did he say he buried it but the reason he buried it he said because his master was unfair. He thought that he was a victim. He thought that he was miss. Treated and that he wouldn't be favored. Maybe because he only got one. But the fact is is that if my goal is to multiply the talents. Should I get stuck. Is it helpful for me to think that I only have one compared to this person's two or that person's five. Now but this is what we do sometimes maybe God's only waiting for the person with one talent to prove that they can handle one talent before they give they get more. But if we don't handle the one talent will we get more necessarily no got Remember God wants us to be victorious so he might just keep giving us one talent until we get more. Sometimes we find ourselves walking through life blindfolded and we try to deny that we're the ones who securely tied the knot. We want to blame others for the helplessness of the whole justice that we feel but in reality it's something that we've brought on ourselves and we need to look at. The last one is rational alternative strategy and this is where we ask ourselves Are there other more rational alternative beliefs and self talk. So all I'm doing is asking myself the question is there something else that I could be looking at that I'm missing. And could I come up with a belief that is more appropriate or makes more sense in the situation and these are two books mind character and personality I want to encourage everybody to read that I've said that each session so far it's a great self-help book. And it comes from one of the best psychologists I know of and then the next one is another one that I recommend when I'm working with the depression recovery program and also depression recovery program and also when I'm doing my own individual counseling and it's called telling yourself the truth and it's a Christian book that uses the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy. Mind character and personality and that's by Ellen White. So. These are some examples of disputing what evidence do I have that I am worthy cause some people say I'm not worthy. So if you're having that question the best thing to do is start looking for reasons why you might be worthy. Where is the best place to go for that. The Bible. Yeah. Find out who thinks you're worthy. What does the Bible or God have to say about me or my situation sometimes we think we're in a hopeless situation. Well I can read a myriad of stories throughout the Bible showing how hopeless situations are God specialty. And so what can God do with this. Maybe I'm doubting myself but I should really be paying attention to what I can do what are the exceptions to my thinking that I'm hopeless. Maybe there are some exceptions that I haven't looked at do others think my life is over. Sometimes people say I think my life is over. Do other people think that sometimes it's helpful to get someone else's perspective because they're not emotionally attached to the situation in the scheme of things. Is it really that important that this person isn't trustworthy who is or has been trustworthy in my life and the reason I put this one up there is because a lot of times people say well I just can't trust anybody that's a common misbelief that I just can't trust anybody. Well it's kind of a mis belief and it's kind of a belief maybe we can't trust anybody. But we can trust one person Ray we can trust God and if I can't trust another single soul on this earth does that mean I have to give up and go isolate myself in my room and never come out. I can still hang out with people even if I don't trust them. Who says I can't. And what if maybe that's holding me back from blessing other people and being a witness to them you know one of the things I love about being a therapist is people will trust me with things that they won't trust anyone else with and it is a huge blessing when somebody says you know I haven't told. Anybody this. Thank you for listening to me. I don't care if nobody's trustworthy if I get to be trustworthy to one person. I don't want to focus on what other people are doing for me I want to focus on what God can do through me for other people. Am I only thinking this because someone suggested this sometimes we believe things just because other people have irrational beliefs. Maybe we need to look a little bit more will this help me in my desire to move forward. Sometimes we get stuck with our beliefs and it keeps us from moving forward what I had allow a little child or my best friend to think this way. Sometimes will say things about ourselves that we would not let anyone else especially a child and yet maybe the part of us that's hurting the most is that little child that was hurt long ago. And then the last one here these are just examples when as a time I was treated fairly. Sometimes we say oh life isn't fair. I have a quote that I made up for this you all can please just attribute it to me I'm just kidding. But one time I was tempted to believe life was unfair because something happened in my life and I thought life is so unfair. I want you to read this and. Do you know what. When I thought that God the Holy Spirit like walked me upside the head and I started thinking Wait last week I was with my friend and she paid for me when we went out to eat and maybe a couple weeks before that I had actually I've been fired three times. If you want to hear more about it. Come on Sabbath and I'm gainfully employed like right now. So not by G. Y.C. but I started thinking of all of the things that God had done in my life that were really unfair but in my favor. And I thought wow what a lot. Thing I was telling myself all the time. But proof there is actually research that shows that all of the stuff that I'm teaching you work works and research shows writing down your thoughts. So this is part of the homework I hope you will do because of hearing the seminar. Writing down your thoughts questioning them or in other words disputing them and then replacing them with true and helpful fots is quite possibly the best way to treat depression and I would and I would suggest that there are a lot of other things besides depression that it cures. But this is from some recent research that was done. Now I want to share with you really quickly some six different principles if you feel like you're overcome by negative thoughts. If you feel like you're overcome because this is Ministry of healing the mind some of the things that we do to ourselves are actually directly playing a part in why we're depressed in why we're experiencing anxiety and so I want to give you something a man by the name of John Piper he's not an administrate think this is a really important thing that he's come up with he came up with something called Anthem and it's an acronym. And it stands for six different things that we need to keep in mind when we are plagued with difficult situations with in our lives addictions trouble that we're having the first letter The A stands for of voiding as much as possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. Now if this is negative thoughts. Sometimes that means staying away from the people that are instilling some of these negative thoughts in us were like you know the Bible says the dog keeps returning to its vomit. Sometimes we keep walking right back into the situations that cause us to think negatively and I hear people say oh but they're my blood. If we want to talk about blood. Who act. Gave His blood for us. What's more important the fact that this person shares my D.N.A. in genes or that this person actually shed his blood for me. Sometimes we need to walk away from the people that are sabotaging the way we think and sometimes we need to walk away from the very things that cause us to keep going back into our addiction and I will say sometimes I have met people who are actually addicted to their depression. They keep going back to those thoughts as though they can't leave them just like I see people who are addicted to drugs. The next thing you can say from memory. Oh actually your second Timothy two twenty two says flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness. This is about avoiding those things make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires and the second step is say no to every lustful thought within five seconds. I don't believe you. I don't believe the last just has to do with sexual things I believe we lust after a lot of things that are not good for us and one of those things is our negative thinking and say it with the authority of Jesus Christ in the name of Jesus. No you don't have much more time than five seconds. I watch people toyed back and forth with it so long that now they're exhausted and they don't have the ability to say no saying oh and say it matter of fact way in the first five seconds. John Owen said be killing sin or it will be killing you. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. We don't have time spared a prophecy says it if if Eve and simply walked away from the tree she would have had time to be pulled in and sin like she did. T. stands for turn the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction there are two things in this I love one forcefully. Sometimes we do and he came. That's not forcefully the matter of fact do it diligently and the second part is look to Christ as a superior satisfaction. It's not enough to just turn towards Christ. You have to actually see him as a severe ear satisfaction to the things that you've been doing all along. If you don't find him as a superior satisfaction it's just going to be drudgery. You're just going to be going through the motions but sometimes we have to actually invest and what we invest we directly get out of the investment saying no will not suffice attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ the Bible calls lust to seek full desires visions for twenty two all at once he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter proverbs seven twenty two. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. I tell my clients that if you want to learn about something if you really want to invest in something study it. If you're dealing with negative thoughts read everything the Bible says about thoughts read everything in spirit prophecy that talks about thoughts. One of the reasons I like doing presentations I'll just be honest is not because of you guys. That's the that's like the other ninety percent of why I like doing it but there's a big chunk of the reason I like doing these is because I'm learning this stuff as I have to do it. This is the blessing that comes from doing it is I'm learning all these things so I don't just do it for you guys. If I'm honest I do it for myself. There's something that happens when I'm studying this and I know people are going to be listening. I'm learning it myself. They age stands for hold the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. This is this is not this is not a pansy theory rate here this is not a pansy acronym. Here is where many fail they give into. Soon. I hear so many people say I try. And I say how hard you try how long. Didn't you try what kind of effort did you put in. Well I tried. I don't really like the word try. I tried to push it out and it didn't work. I asked how long did you try how hard did you exert your mind the mind is a muscle you can flex it with vehemence. That's a strength word hold the promised of Christ before your eyes. Hold it hold it. Don't let it go. Keep holding it. How long as long as it takes fight for Christ sake fight till you win. If your little child was dangling off a cliff and the only thing that was holding that child from hurting itself fatally was your arm would you go. Well I hope for five seconds and nothing happened. So I'm just going to give up. If something is that important to you if someone is that important to you you will hold on for dear life and you will not let go. DO NOT LIKE go if you want change in your life you have to hold on and keep doing it with vehemence and don't give up if you don't want to be depressed anymore. If you don't want to having Zajac anymore. If you don't want to be in the same life patterns that you're in sometimes you have to kick it into gear. You have to fight for it but I'm telling you it will become your super power. God will take your weakness and turn it into a strength. Enjoy a superior satisfaction cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason air rains and so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We defaulted to seat because we have a little delay in Christ what steps have you taken to awaken affection for Jesus. Have you fought for joy satisfy a sin the morning with your stud fast love that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Psalm ninety verse fourteen. I hear a lot of people say I want to do this. But I don't think I can I tell them you know sometimes we're waiting for an emotional stirring within us to do something when God's actually already implanted the ability within us. We're just not taking advantage of it. Take advantage of what he's already done. Don't keep praying for it to happen because it's oftentimes that praying is just start skews not to actually do anything. And then the last one is move into useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors lust grows fast in the garden of leisure find a good work to do and do it with all your might do not be salts lawful in zeal be fervent in spirit serve the Lord Romans twelve eleven be steadfast immovable always abounding in the work of the Lord first Corinthians fifteen fifty eight get up and do something and do it for jesus sake. Every single one of you can get up and do something I've met people who have a lot of handicaps I'm talking about physical handicaps and they'd still find something to do every single one of us. Does anybody know what happened in one nine hundred ninety six with a women's gymnastics team. Anybody recognize that's a picture of Kerri Strug. She went she did this event here and when she finished it. She landed wrong on her ankle and I believe she actually fractured it. Now what did Jim miss you. Every single day. They train they practiced you know that more gymnast break things from stress fractures and actually landing wrong. Do you know what a stress fracture is. That's merely when you pound something so hard for long enough the bone actually just breaks from stress. It's not because you land on it wrong. It's not because you turned it in the wrong way. It's that stress has eventually worn out the bone. That's what these athletes do and she. We got to the end of this event and she landed wrong and she actually fractured her foot. Now this event the vault you get two times. She was the last person to do it with the potential of winning gold for her team they were in the ranking for gold but she only had one more opportunity to do it. What do you do when you have a fractured foot. What do you think she did. She went and did it again. They wrapped her ankle and she did it do you know what vaulting does you know what you have to do to vault. You start from one end over here and you pound each foot because you have to build up speed a momentum. To eventually then will land on that springboard and that's if you've ever tried balancing on one of those things. It's not like a trampoline. It's like wood in heavy duty springs. You're just getting enough resistance to push you up as you pound down so on both the healthy ankle and the broken one she pounded bolt feet on that she flipped up over the vault. I don't know how many feet they go in the air but it's pretty high for those gymnast they're not too tall and then she landed on both feet every single thing she did was hurting that angle even more and more but why did she do it. It was painful. Do you think she was focused on the pain. She was focused on the goal. She was actually focused on the gold. And every single one of us have something beautiful to look forward to. She walked off of there. They helped her. Hard her coach as soon as she landed firmly on the ground with both feet she picked up the hurt ankle and fell over as that she knew it and she stuck it that she was OK and she could pick it up again and her. Coach went over and grabbed her and pulled her off and put her up in the air and showed her off to everybody because she had just won gold for them they could tell there's a picture of her she's in pain. You can see it on her face but for her it was more important to do that and the pain she takes after the next. But I'll leave you there and I hope the next one. If you buy and work today. This message was presented at the G Y C twenty sixteen conference in Houston Texas a supporting Ministry of the Seventh Day Adventist Church seeks to inspire young people to be bible based Christ centered and so winning Christians for other resources like this visit us online.

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