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Logo of Michigan Camp Meeting 2016: The Harvest is Great

Transforming Family Discipleship- Part 2

Dr. Sung Hyun Um

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Recorded

  • June 12, 2016
    2:00 PM
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Our Heavenly Father we thank you so much for this time together and we ask the chill touchy chart here that our minds will be open to learn new ways of sharing Christ and we can not only be helped here but we can learn to be mentors and help and in others and we thank you for hearing and she's. Left the teacher to. Thank you so much for your prayers. Since we have so much to cover today I'm going to just spend very short moment with you to just go over Genesis Chapter one Verse twenty six and twenty seven if you have your Soul of us you can turn to possibly the third page were I have a diagram it looks something like this is this image of God. Basically when you look at the emerge of God. There are two size in the image of verse twenty six and those of you who have gone through the class yesterday you can just kind of you know resonate with me verse twenty six and verse twenty seven. And to gather. Complex complimentarity they truly depict. The wholeness about the image of God and then if you look at verse twenty six a purse twenty six basically tell us that God's image has to do with poor ality because let us make man in our likeness in our image is right and so then plurality of got really tells us that God's image has to do with bringing people together it has to do with. Connectedness I call it it has to do with you know being so called collectivistic It's almost like you're almost like ancient Karcher you know have you ever try sticking Rice. The data allows you to be kind of sticky with each other. In a way that you become you become really glued and bonded you know bonded and so verse twenty six is really about I call it dreaming we identified it we identity in that you come to learn to bond. And God has created us in His image in that you and I are created to work to be to be connected to be connected. So to be connected is what makes us to be human. And and that's why when we are not connected to one another what happens to us. We get isolated and then what have we feel empty and then you know you feel like there is missing something missing in your life if we get disoriented we start complaining and all those things happen in our lives you know we become less than being a whole person you know so well known as human wellness is something that you and I can experience when we become bonded when we know how to connect so so I want you to know that you know what I am spending my and tire life span learning and knowing and experiencing and teaching people how to what how to connect. To you know how many people do not know how to connect. We do not know how to connect. Sometimes we think we know but that's not the way to connect you see and so there's a healthy way to connect and what makes a really powerful about God is that card shows us the model as to work what he means to connect because God is the God of connection God is the car of bonding OK So human is. Yes I would say even addictions. Human illness and even addiction can be cured when people are genuinely connected to one and see connection is so important it provides healing in the lives of people and it is when you and I get connected we become human being the way God has designed us to be Amen Amen so I want you and I to be extremely interested in one in means to be connected so for me to be connected with my wife is so important you know into a couple of years five years into our marriage and my wife came up to me and said Honey my wife is wonderfully came Artemisia honey. When was the last time you and I had a heart to heart dialogue. Honey I'm lonely. I couldn't understand that because my my point of view was like Honey we lived together we married we married and we lived together we had three kids together we had together we sleep together. What more do you want. As a joy you're so large. But little did I know. What her heart was yearning after. You know how long it took for me to learn what it means to bond what it means to connect in a way that she would truly feels being connected to a lot of the more than. Ten years. I was in the horror ignorance and lack us as to what he means to connect. And so I want to share some of that. I ready to hear that yeah I'd love to share that. We don't have time to talk about this whole area of bonding it's just another series on its own but I'm going to give you a book that is one of the most powerful book I have ever read outside a Bible it's it's written by you know the clouds the clouds clouds. The clouds wrote a book called Changes that here is one of the most powerful book I ever read. In the issue of funding. And then verse twenty seven it says and then what's interesting is that you know what I want you to be involved but then I want to be bonded in such a way that it will leave room while we pursue after togetherness. You need to make sure that you have you have enough room for self identity. We identity needs to leave room for self identity vice versa if you're soul together and there isn't room for yourself to be who you are then it's not help these suffocating it's intoxicating it's quite dependent on all that it's weakening it's not empowering it's now representing the picture of got image of God in a rightful way and so Jesus. You know in verse twenty six is a let us make me an army an image in our likeness and then he created what man and then and is. There and human tragedy right. To Adam and Eve Why in the world God created Adam and Eve We talked about it yesterday instead of Adam an addon or Adam and Adam Jr That would have made it easier. But he created Adam and Eve two different species it to be different. Human being and with you are two different gender and you will learn today that even the way our brain is wired is different between men and women and that's why we we use the same language think we're using the same language but we're not we're communicating. So much so that you know John Gray wrote a book called Men are from where I'm from Nina's. Good per great book so I want to tell you this. Wind over that's the subject for today wind the word God has created. A human being in order to reflect his togetherness his collectivism he created a human being in such a way that we become man and woman and other words why in the world are created to deeper in shaded being to reflect his image of one US. So then we learn yesterday that oneness is not something that can be raw that there are call to be rot by conformity part by diversity. That's why we learn just. So much so that we have such a hard time understanding each other right. And then how many of you. Have people come over you and said you know what my wife and I were so different. So much so that we can't be together and him. And then what would you say to them learning learning from the image of God What would you say to them. Aren't meant to be different and not only they're going even further. We're designed to be that for according to Genesis chapter one. Verse twenty six and twenty seven for a God who made us to be for us to be different is part of the image of God Why let me ask you why why are we created so differently. OK. Why do you think out of power is not the son of Jesus and son of Jesus isn't the Holy Spirit and even that they are one as Godhead in quality but as an individual as a as one with personality they all have distinct a person they are just different. Why. Why. Yes I well I thought about it and I came to realize that you know what. For a god to create us to be different is part of God's design of maximizing what beauty is all about. And other words you look at the trees all the leaves seem to be looking the same but when you look close none of the leaves are to see none of the leaves are directed in the same way all have different direction shaped a little bit differently from one another or the pin or Prince or different or the snowflakes have or have different shapes and so for beauty is in diversity so then for you and I to be different as men and woman. Should not. Art or not it was not designed by a car to cause trouble or her ship. Or any agonizing experience in our lives it was designed by God for beauty. Then what happens. To all of us is that what God has made beautiful we made it. Really. Because of sin. But it was meant to be beauty for. What you think is most beautiful thing in the whole universe. Is when two differentiated individuals come together and work out in their relationship through chiseling and you know I've been married for the past thirty one years it's not easy. You know we have scars and bruises and it's not easy it's not easy to stay together let alone to make it beautiful. Oh boy marriage can be. If you know what I'm talking about. We had some ugly moments even in our relationship I can believe how all go I could make it woke. But through the grace of God through the Word of God through the transforming power of God through the Holy Spirit. We make up makes it. Beauty for. So that conclusion. Of meditating on the image of God. Clearly tells me that God is. Beautiful. Why. Why is it beautiful. Why is it beautiful. Why. Because it's Sometimes I ask question because I just want to hear what I want to hear. And you know God is purely for because. There really. Lation ship is sort beautiful. God is beautiful person knows how to make it beautiful and God is all sharing us you and I how ugly it may get from time to time this is my appeal to you from my thirty to thirty one years of marriage three one years of working through this I want to tell you today that I'm so excited to be with you to know that was seeing made it God can restore it in such a way that he can make it beautiful once again Amen amen. Because you and I are designed to be part of that purity. And so that people look at you and say oh my God Can you believe so also has such a beautiful relationship. And they can transcend and to see the beauty of God in them how many of you desire for your relations no matter how it has been no matter what has gone through from now on is the important important part right what has gone what has Dan already done but it's gonna really gone but did you know that God is not the God of the past to begin with God is not the God of the future to be doing but God is the God of the present to begin with. Genesis terror to Revelation Chapter one Verse four I am and I was. And I will be. You know he's the god of I am now now is the time for salvation and grace of God So within in mind let's let's study today about the gender difference of God has made it beautiful and so then as a man and it is our job to understand how I am created differently then my why. And it is my job to understand the psychology of my wife. Because when you do your life gets easier. You don't even need to curb your nym need to do the dishes. If you understand her psychology allow your heart to join with her then she's going to treat you like a king. Vice versa vice versa woman needs to learn how man's psychology is wired up to be. You know how to be intimate with them in a way that's meaningful and powerful so with the remainder of time let's do this. Our brain is wired differently. When I said that our brain is wired differently we're talking about eighty percent of men eighty percent of men twenty percent of women twenty percent of men may categorize themselves joining with the woman's brain so to speak and I do not know I do not know for sure how much percentage of it is really done by the creation of God or how much of it is done by human conditioning I'm not here to argue about it but it is generally when you make a general statement I know you're like you're creating a room for exception but from our study we came to realize that man and woman's brain is wired differently in general when you look at a man's brain I want ladies to answer when you look at man's brain there's a left brain and right brain and we're kind of simplifying it and there is a connecting link between the two. And you can see that there is a what connection that are made between left brain and lap and right brain if this is the way that God is designed men to be in terms of strength What do you see in men's brains when it comes to strength. That's sort of explains right that's already explains right OK what else. They get a lot of because there are very good OK there are so focused sometimes they forget their forgot about. OK What else what else you see not us you see in terms of ability. Man you already said it in a way. OK So we already talked about that OK So OK yeah OK when you look at OK we're going to talk about that when you look at woman's brain moving on. What do you see the difference. It's like oh what a spider web right. It's like a spider web right so so I want men to have a chance to answer as to the strength that God might have made them to be in terms the way their brain is wired anybody. Murther testing at its core OK while they cooking they can pray. Think about other things and it's kind of dangerous thing. You haven't had an accident you know cooking cars with you. True isn't true and other words and other words woman experience things more holistically than men does. And then it tends to drive. And so men tends to tell the woman you what you think. You know you worry about it so much you know and so on but anyway man's brain is wired even if they are wired this way they are wired to. I have to separate their able to separate why women are able to what. Connect that's a major difference between man and woman and with that in mind let's go to our study today. Men are able to separate woman are able to connect and therefore men can go to war and then focus on the war while his baby is being breastfed he doesn't think of all it's a time for him to be heard to be fair the right man doesn't think that way men are able to separate and be able to focus on one thing at a time. Women are able to connect and therefore the more things get triggered when it when it comes to woman's brain right you know I mean when they hear things with the same thing a lot of things gets triggered and one time one lady tells her boyfriend she may she said a lie that she loves to go hunting. When it's not and because he loves to go hunting so they went hunting together and then he was able to you know really gaze into this deer that they were about to hunt. And then he says he said OK you just need to shave her then it's going to be done. So she got Kernan she was trying to like point a finger and her finger started to like you know tremble and then she looked at the deer and she started to cry. Because she thought about I don't know if you know shit about the movie called Bambi. Some how she made that connection her brain was able to make that connection and what if this is a family's model or. What's going to. Happened to her child. You know I don't want to kill her so that was the end of hunting career. Because warm are able to connect almost to a point where for a man since we're able to separate let's say color of the floor color of the carpet and color of the word doesn't match. For a man. It doesn't affect their level of appetite they can just focus on eating. But for a woman what happens. There are then and some woman tells me I don't know if it's true or not someone tells me that if. You know the pictures on the wall is crooked. Then it makes them feel like they're a crook. Their life is not going to be corrected unless they go and one. Thinks that why because women are created in such a way that their brain is wired to connect with everything else that goes on. How many men in this room had an experience in your relations with your wife. Where. You have a problem you think that you have a problem with her exaggerating things. Let me explain. Like one time my life came up to me like in five years into our marriage and looking back first five years was the most difficult. Because I came from Korea she grew up in the United States from the age of eight. And I often tell a joke to people that we've both got married. And people buy each other. Meaning that. I thought she was more Korean than she was. As Shit and I was more American than I was. If you know what I'm talking about and so you know we will are complex we have a lot of issues to deal with and then my wife would come up to me and said. Honey. You were never ever there for me when I. Have ever heard that in all your years or create Spencer OK if you have that you have that OK so I'm not alone OK so when I heard that OK. What do I think in men's brains. They're not only a failure but I felt like well that's not true. What do you mean I was there most of the time at least I was there at least fifty percent of the time. Since woman's brain is saw while connected they experienced things as if. At that moment you see she was not giving me a statistic on things but she was like feeling at that moment that's how it how she felt as if I was never ever there for her you know me because because women are able to connect things and their swords so they're experiencing it like. More vividly and more intensely than you would do when it comes to certain situations and that's not the time to fight against her in terms of statistics. Right yeah and then. When men are goal oriented women are it because of man's ability to separate the man our goal oriented and the goal like a hunting dog and then how many of you love go. You know. Shopping with your wife as men how many men love going shopping with you why you do why you are a born again or. You know. I remember going shopping with her and whenever I go shopping first time when I went shopping with her I said to myself OK honey what do you need to buy. And then my wife says oh I need to go and find out. And then I would go like why go there OK you got to figure out why you want to buy and then go and then you go and honey you said you need the bras are sounding right why Posterous on the oh you know I kind of need that then I knew what to look for right so I went as a good husband I went to look for the blouse What is your look for a thing and gave it tried to give it to her a couple of them give it to her Why why because I want to get it done and then come home and read the Bible and pray right. Then she tried all of that and Nancy and I got a little bit more. And then we stopped by looking at the money. It's an ice cream. And then I found myself starting to memorize the scripture here of the patience of the saints. And then after two or two hours of shopping. What made me crazy was that she came back to the world. First spot. And this is about one of the quotes it's like I just wasted two hours. And then after that sale comes up and then what happened she goes and return the body. So for a man shopping is what supply. For woman shopping is what. Never Comes. So for a man chopping is a Goal for a woman chopping is a process. It's a process even sexuality for men sexuality is a call but for a woman is a what process because of the way that her brain is wired we're wired differently we process things differently how many of you like ladies before you go to sleep you need to talk to your husband. And then when you find your husband line down as soon as he lied down you know hit the pillow what happened to him. He's gone with the law right. And then you have a hard time going to sort of right and then you're like figuring out whether or not you should wake him up or kill. You know what to do what to do in this man. So woman has a lot to process in a day Werman is to share. Five thousand words. Thirty five thousand words depends it depends but man or needs to speak words how many words ten. Fifteen thousand words it in Thousand Words. Dirty thirty or thirty five thousand Yeah my wife is thirty five thousand. And so this is what happened before we go to sleep before we go to sleep now having learned what it means to connect in love This is what I do I don't fall asleep I don't lie down if I lie down it's it's. It's a sin it's a sin. So I stay up and then I keep my like that. And it's something about a woman they take a long time to come to the bed. They have to have to do something you know persecution. To do those things and I'm waiting like comes you know and then finally here country just and then I ask her hey how are you. And then funny thing happens right whenever you ask her how are you she said Fine have had a great day let's leave you know. Here to talk about. You know I went to Korea I went to Korea to see life has fallen in that way like the spawn in their way I went to Korea with my with my son and you know we had chopping with all kinds of things so much fun at the end the day we went to the same room I was sleeping you know hard floor and he was sleeping on the bed I asked him how was it great how was it that great Are you tired yet are you tired. And there was a let's go to sleep. And then as soon as he said that. And the next year I went to the same place with my daughter and then I guess the same question and then she referred me to a very young had a great time blah blah blah and then I said Honey let's you know let's go to sleep and she said Teddy I have to talk of. You almost need to laugh about it. If you don't really don't don't when I'm trying to make as I as we discuss about the difference between man and woman is that last I have the love of God. I will not be able to be present with my wife in a way that she needs and. And enjoy her. What if I'm sitting and thinking that on my gosh I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life. You know I mean. So really God has made us so different me in such a way that only way it's going to work is when you and I bring unselfish heart to each other. And that way he transforms our lives our hearts Amen. But the question is who's going to start that. Can we say that one man I'm going to start next month and no it's not going to work like that I'm going to talk about that. Man our focus on the future while one man are deeper into the present I talked about that when they tell sad when data when woman till sad and bad and in one then they go deeper into it and then it is man's role as to what. Yes but before you bring them out you need to do well with them first of all because man aren't I said later on Men are from Home Depot. Did you know that men are from Home Depot's So we're into fixing things so when my wife said that you know honey I'm so lonely you know how did I fix or. I took out a ranch. I took a ranch and then decide what I actually literally did and when I think about it I was just so ignorant. And this is what I said to my wife thinking that it would picture I said honey I'm going to fix you OK watch me very carefully and I said honey. Fall on only. Me and then she goes honey that makes me feel. So lonely here. Men are from Home Depot so we try to fixing things my wife says I'm tired that's why I told you not to work and blah blah blah. But we're not to fix them we're here to work. This do you know how hard it is for a man to listen to his wife It takes of Pono again. I'm telling you because ladies come to me so many ladies come to impose your doctrine only do I really expect from my husband and she is still listening to me understand me. And I said you know what it takes following a man to do that. You're asking for your husband to be transformed. You know. You know I'm a counselor. But I had a hard time listening to my wife. Not that she is a woman of complain and all that my life is that wonderfully better than my kids have been and I am the most broken person in my family I'm being honest and Ellis our family is progressing really well. It's God's mercy OK we need to think that way we need to think our children Veron and us if God gives you that far. Wall I don't like giving with the treasures of God then your relationship with them will change but if you still think that what I learned this baby come from what you know the. Word of this economy broke. Then then we're going to be in big trouble so my wife and I you know great marriage but I had a hard time listening to her because specially when she brought up things of the past. While man has a tendency to remember. Everything everything why because state spirits it holistically like that but like the way the brain was wired so one day I was coming home. There was a time when my wife was really sick my wife was really sick. I was coming home and I thought my holy spirits down. There you want when you go. You don't take off your counselor's hat. He said when you were a counselor as Had you can listen to anything and you're not going to you don't react to it you don't take it personal you become a Saint. But why don't you do that to your wife tonight is the Holy Spirit was preparing me Little did I know I was coming I went home I was about to take up my hat and I was reminded that I need to keep it on I went inside we had dinner and then my wife came up to me to morrow you will learn different personalities it's going to be fascinating she came up to me and said Henny Honey I have something to talk to you. Then I knew that our I would be in it for something really serious. And that night she start talking start bringing up the unresolved issues of the past you know it happened like twenty years ago and she was telling me all there and then I was very very tempted to stop her or you know just just respond to her you know where that would be interfering all that but the hose we could tell me listen to her here and. I listened and listened and listened and listened. I spent literally a couple of hours. Three four hours listening to her was a holy spirit. After listening to her for only. I was I realized that I was invited to her own. Chamber of heart I was actually on doors and in her heart and her agony her and thinness and loneliness. And at that moment I was holding onto her hand OK And I said honey. Now I was a bit I was ready to tear double ready and I was holding on to her and I say honey. It's OK for you to remain sick. But just don't die. Just don't die on me. Because my mother died she was forty two my mother died when she was forty one. I didn't want my father's history to be repeated in my family so that my kids have to do with not having mother and all that so I was really meaning it I was telling her Honey it's OK to be sick but don't try. Oh with that tears and tears like gushing down and then guess what she was getting better she started get better when I gave her the permission to be to remain sick she started getting better. And she got so better our troops got so excited we put a softball game. And you know they do have the ball to her really well is she hit the ball almost home or are she was running and running and what happened to balance and her and call and now she's bedridden. I'm not trying to say my wife is a difficult lady. As she was just getting better and now she's bedridden to serve her. But the trick is that my wife won't get better unless I learnt to serve her with shore oil. Even though it's. Extremely difficult. Because woman knows everything you remember woman knows everything so my ask me Can you bring water so I was bringing water deep inside I had a little bit of education a little bit of resentment how little is going to take for her to get better. I was still forty three still have a long life to live and. I had a little bit of that agitation within me and of course I didn't express it and then as I was getting close to her I just kind of kind of dropped the cup like that. She sensed it. Just like honey. You want me to die. That's not what I meant. And so I brought charcoal I win and you know as a people. And it can happen you make charcoal. Charcoal patch for everything so. I made char call Pat I knew that she was going to needing it for a long time so I made a big patch in either big mess I looked like I came out of mine or something and then I met charcoal and then I applied to her and the next day that take time came around and this is that I need a new one and then I brought the new want to right away and then she goes Honey how come you made is so fast and all I already made quite a bit and then she goes you know what charcoal doesn't work very well and should make it right there. Because my wife is a very exact kind of person. Where I'm kind of easy going and the at that moment I had a choice to me. Yeah or I or I would say you know honey. It is God who bring suit. Or I could reason it out I could justify and all that but you know what I went and made another charcoal. Brought it to her. I'm telling you this is my conclusion we talk about that. Our love for each other. During the course of merits Holy Spirit needs to work in our lives in such a way that Holy Spirit needs to purify our hearts. To be able to bring the kind of love that would bring healing to. Each Other. My love needs to be purified it's found in efficient chapter five moving on moving on we will come back to the part man our activity oriented woman our shared dialogue man our visual woman our audio we all know that right men are vidual So they are they are really affected by what they see and then they did a study on thousand men and asking a question about how many or whether or not how many of them are affected by you know a beautiful woman coming down to the train station and then going home and then having to previous to you asking him to read of that image of her and ninety percent of Christian men said that they were affected and then ten percent of Christian men said that they want when they did so. That says it woman are audio woman are already or are they are of fact they are excited by hearing things right and so when you look at Song of Solomon chapter one Solomon doesn't go to her and try to touch her one but she gets really audio she talks to her You're a beautiful person and she he says something like your hair starts prints running from the hair don't don't use use of our Solomon's words I mean directly. Because Solomon goes your hair. Your hair is like a coats hair. You know you. Negative like a deer's negative one zero so you become very descriptive and poetic and then that's how woman gets excited you know that's so important in that I want to tell you something in marriage how many of you are married how many of your married OK OK that's fine and you know I want you to know that when it comes to sexuality this is this is one this is amazing pain in many times while man is more than ready I call it high man is more than ready to have a intimate relationship while a woman is not what. Tolly on ready so woman a low. And man is on high one on our own know how to deal with this. So you come to your wife middle of the night honey you know let's go have or let's do something to her and then zero Who are you I don't know you. Right all right and then what do you say. Woman So me to your husband you say. And that's very unromantic Right right right and then you know oftentimes I mean I would be honest with you I've been in counseling session where a lot of people like event and then because husband just nurturing and nursing and you give in and then you go OK you have five minutes to finish you know. And then not only not only not only your wife feels shapen by it or so you don't feel empowered right you don't feel empowered as a man it is very important for men to be empowered even in the realm of intimate relationship so how do we do this. Since we don't have a lot of time I'm going to just bring everything together and how do we do this. Men are visual so they look at. They look at you know woman to look at his wife and then you know their wives and then they get excited. But woman don't get excited by looking at their husbands naked body. One woman even said please stay away you know it's kind. And so how do we allow her to be ready when you are more than ready. I used I used the allergy of incarnation on this. One you never heard this. Don't write only because I'm writing a book about it. It says like Jesus had come down from heaven to this earth. Husband needs to come down from where he was where here is come down to her level. And then learning to be non-sexual. What learning to be non-sexual. Learning to bring come pain you in shape to marriage. In that when man gets married their number one goal in marriage is have is to have a sexual intimate relationship. While woman woman's number one need for marriage is work continue ship and to be understood and then there's actual need is number guess what number where. What. You're hoping that family not number one looks for a woman. Number not even ten number fourteen. I guess we're broke your heart you know do you know what number thirteen is. Sharp enough. Number thirteen for a world learned is to go and do gardening. That is that is very telling isn't it very telling isn't it woman this is this is a psyche of woman woman or rather to go and do gardening with her husband then to have a what intimate relationship. Why one. Wife because because gardening is non-sexual. When you approach your wife non-sexually you're treating her as a whole person right and when you do gardening you're being a companion with her you know what I'm saying and then Woman are real and therefore you need to talk to her how often you need to talk to your why tell your lover. You know what I mean you need to often talk to her in your what if your husband believe in the beauty of a why. She believes in right her all her own D.V.D. her values of protected by it so women are Odile and that's why a song sounds on chapter one there's a lot of audio there is a lot of verbal language OK and then chapter two and you begin to touch or from here down and so you become very touchy and then Chapter three it is on to chapter three. Then you go to your ready woman gets excited then you go to work Hilton hotel together that's chapter three That's Chapter three So here is the key here is the key for a man to withhold. His desire to fulfill himself takes the love of the cross. Do you know that I bear the cross every day in my home. Before I go to sleep I build the cross for not to fall asleep. I build a cross when I go home cleaning the house I bear the cross joyfully. Learning to bear the cross when a man models that in the family gets what happened this is what happens. Man comes down from heaven. Are you coming down. Are you coming down to this earth to be with her and if you become audio you talk to her and you caress her and then you spend time together and then what's fascinating is that you are allowed her to go first through the means of orgasm and then what happens then you go to after that you go to the. You know where you go next. You don't know. You go to the moon together. When I went to Malaysia talk about this and then people go crazy they were like oh yeah our pastor wrong even if we may not go we go to the moon together and then we bring down the moon. There's a very sweet moon. Is too sweet for me give me a headache. So they go crazy and I say you go to the moon and bring down what. But what I'm trying to say is this if I were to be selfish enough since I am like goal oriented unlike single minded call and try to fulfill myself in a expense of a value in an expanse of her need for companionship then what happens I drop it and she. Says. It drops at the same time she gets hurt but then when I came down like Jesus fair. And allow her to go first and you go to the moon together. Then what happens your husband your wife look at you and say you look at each other that I see as your god in many new. It is God's love that I am experiencing in my relationship. Vice versa. And so. God has created this is the key God has created sexuality even sexuality in such a way that the essence of it is something that we can only leave out or courting to cast. Its Casper's way of the way even to the pedal even to our round of sexuality isn't that beautiful it's not you know how many because it's beautiful. You know what God made it beautiful scene made it. Even the round sexuality God has called us as Christian called us as Santa had been is to restore the sense of beauty that God has given us as a plus it's a plus. We need to go back to the model of model of God in that we need to restore what God has given us and let's move on to the next one. Sure enough let's we have are we have our only yes you have questions OK. If it was not. Well. Yeah. Yeah yeah. But yeah I'm glad you mentioned that but the real world of it we. Word of it is so great. That when you when you you know to lay your need to gratify your solve to meet the needs of Wagner you end up getting March much more than you ever expected. So did reword the stair in such a way that it cannot be compare you know to me you become a real man and then your wife become a real woman in a way that she is designing you know she's designed to be. Nice to be a way of life that permeates every aspect of our lives and you know what with the remainder of the time we have we're supposed to need for forty five OK I'm going to talk about this and then you can just go over it with your son I'm going to talk about what. I. Don't know now answer that. Well I will for the record to you OK are further quotes you let me put it that way. I'm not going to leave you hanging and. You have one one one time after I did the decide was it one guy came up to me and said Pastor. How do we can you help us to go down. We haven't even taken off. Anyway anyway let's do this so not only our brain is wired differently OK that's the second point that I'm trying to say. Men are created in such a man and woman are created in such a way that our love language is different this is important our love language is deeper and different let me see if I have it here yeah right. Here OK. Man's love language is what respect let's take a look at efficient Chapter V.I.I. verse thirty three if you look efficient chapter five verse thirty three it says that men are called Ok I think we have it we have it here yeah wife must do what respect her house band. And wife some meatier husband as to the lore so first three thirty three gives us a very clear cruel where man's love language is respect. When man is respect they feel loved. If you want to study more about that study the book that is written by Dr eg reach each G.G. R I. You know reach E.G. G R I C G or C.G. bridge and he wrote a book called You know manner Yeah how to respect and respect and love love and respect that's a very powerful and then the word respect came from Greek it is called for bail Can you follow after me for bail. That's the word for bail you know October all means in means when you go to the you know Grand Canyon OK You drive like seven hours just to go to Grant and then you look at the gigantic I mean you know gigantic Grand Canyon and then what would be your response always it's like wow. So for Bill means what I was looking at your husband you go like what. Let's try that all the leaders of the it. Is the try that everyone everyone said. Oh. Wow So one lady came up to. Pastor that's a problem I know the Bible wants me to do when I look at my husband I don't get to. I can't do that Pastor. If you leave with with will live with him for twenty four hours you will know what I'm talking about. But for burial is something that you do because of what he does who hear you what he does to you not because he's what he is he is deserving it so to speak not because he has earned it but you keep it to him. As you are a great by God to do it. So the key is this key is this does is this is the hard part but this is the only way to work as you are graced by God card has Greenstein you tear up or you are what raising Europe has been by way of giving him the respect that he needs he may not deserve it but that's what he needs. You have one time I thought that my wife was respecting me really really well. So I got so excited and I told her Hey honey you must be easier now for you to respect me. There is so much a promotion there. And then the answer response then my wife gave me it just blew me away. And then I regret it for asking that kind of question. And then she goes honey for me to respect you. A moment by moment struggle between good and evil. She said Naturally she's now wired to respect. Wanting to be equal with me thinking that I do. You there are many lower wherever I am it's not natural to me she is she has to pray and she has to see God she has to see God in front of you to respect you or behind do and respect you. But she did love to respect and what it does to men it's amazing they did a study on men whether or not if they have a choice between the two I want you to make a choice all the men I want to make a choice of whether. You would be you would be so power less and so that you become even north and disrespect or you would be so lonely OK and isolated. Which one would you choose between being isolated lonely and isolated or. Disrespected moment you know in an isolated. Seventy five percent of man says he rather deal with isolation and then to view what disrespect. And we're talking of Christian men and then seventy five percent of that same Christian man says that they are not getting the respect that they need from their home. And then I came to realize that it is the love language that is then in such a way that it builds them up as a person second period or I don't have time to read it write it down second pitter chapter three verse one. There it is second first Peter chapter three verse one it says wives in the same way peace amiss it to your husbands look at this so that if any of them to not believe the word. They may be what wall over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. It's going to transform even your husband of course you don't do that to transform him but you do that as you learn to be purified before God how many ladies in the use room at the end of your life God forbid end of your life you be in a place where you're resenting and you are so full of regret and flow of resentment toward your husband. You don't want to I mean that can be a source of sickness in our lives right and so here are the scripture tells us that God doesn't want us to be resentful and God What does one us to be respect for to our husband no marijuana it is something that God does for us and one lady came went home and said you know what I'm going to pay respect to my husband but her husband is our colleague. This is how can I respect my husband who is sometimes dating me up and all the of course when there's abuse Mugari separate and all that I'm fully aware of that. And she start praying and praying Lord give me some reason to be thankful for for my husband before I do anything one month into prayer Laura answered her prayer and then she started getting these points that she never thought about her husband in terms of his strength. Lure I never knew that my husband no matter how drunk he may get he finds the way home. So it is like when this is a miracle God is really leading him home and no matter how drunk you may get he always allow them to go to church and sometimes give them money. To put it in the put up or the basket. She started to praise God she started to think about the positive things about her husband and then even when she brought food to him her countenance. Changed And guess where he said. Honey. You look different. You treat me differently. How come you never asked me to join your church. And that guy started come to church. I went to a church where he came this guy came. And this guy was seeing how it is still than anybody else but he didn't know how to sing. He was bringing the bring the sound all down the he knew. But but he was just like Crazy God and afterwards I asked him how how how in the were you were able to really get excited about God and she goes my god created me. Through my life. My God Grace me to my life I don't deserve to be respected. But he literally transformed him casework What do I get when I respect my husband. OK he gets transformed but what do I get. To you know that I have all the slides but let's just sum it up when you're. When when woman received when man received the respect from his wife. He is someone who is willing to die for somebody who would give you the honor. Just like the soldier go to Iraq and willing to die for the for the honor that they receive. So when men receive respect what do you get. Of course you don't do that to receive the kind of love that you need but that's what God wants us to do that is pay respect and I tell you respect does a lot I let me give an example move on to love and my wife you know learned how to respect me in a way that she would pray for me she would pray for me and then when we were living in the canyon area in California whenever I open the door in the morning it clicks and the sound just permeate throughout the whole house so in order for me to come to West Coast I had to get a four o'clock in the morning and I would care and I had my you know clothes outside you know everything outside so I would just come out because I don't want to wake up my wife I come out and I wear mice and you know my clothes and then I took my baggage and I was coming out and then I made that clicking sound and then I got in a car in my car get in my car and then the way the road works I had to go up a little bit and come down as I was about to come down I almost naturally rolled down the window because even though I turn out to come out she comes out. Four o'clock in the morning. And she look at me as I was passing you know by the street you look at me with a loud voice. When I hear that when I hear that I don't have a sports car but I found myself accelerating. When men are respected to feel like they're on the top of the word. But when they're not respected they feel like dying and not only that they feel like they have this anger even though that anger cannot be justified. And then when they realize that their anger can be sure to truck to. They ended up with throw themselves from being isolated going into their own way and then man become quiet. When women become quiet oftentimes they become higher sometimes because they're satisfied by who they get quiet but when man gets really quiet it becomes a silent sickness because male in expressiveness is a result of seeing result you know what happened to Cain he became really quiet God kept having to ask him questions. You know so one man's heart opens up the heart of man in such a way that it brings the heart of men opens up and that key is respect I'm going to give you one example. One time I gave this seminar and one lady came up to me who is there any hope my husband already left me and he's a medical doctor and were about to file a lawsuit you know it's you know the divorce and all that stuff we're about to go through the process I said give it a try I'm going to pray for you give it a try so she wrote a letter to you honey. I. Apologize I'm so sorry that I had been disrespectful to you. But in my own mind for someone who could give me so far some and all NEED YOU were the only person who could give me when you are redrawing loving me I thought you would be the most selfish person in the whole world so I treated you badly and I heard you so much in the process. If you can give me one more chance. For me to practice respect and I knew I would like to have that chance. I'm not taking. I'm asking you need to make that choice but I already made that choice to respect you and in the end at the end of the letter she goes with respect. And guess what happens. He responded. And then they came together. And then she goes. You know I respect you he said he was why. And he and she goes you know I respect you because you are a creased surgeon and you love your patients sometimes I had issues with that but but you care for them so much and you go out and provide for our family blah blah blah and then India and have a great day. And on the way home not only he came earlier and he called her and said honey don't make any food because I'm bringing your best choice of food which is I don't need to have it here Round Table Pizza. And their marriage was going restored. And of course you know it may not be that simple for language for a man for love is what respect and going to give me just just a few seconds to finish up woman's woman is a language for love is what woman is a language for love is according to this passage if you go on. Is for Barrow I mean woman's language is. I call it a faction of faction of faction it's an amazing amazing word you know when I look at my daughter and I said to her You are so cute and when they're little they're like really enjoying it my daughter my last daughter would come to me and daddy come to my bed and I would go to her bad and I would have to lie down with her and then she would go alike. The how much you love me. And first thing she said if I lose my arm will you give me your arm so I gave her right now if I lose my left arm will you give me my left arm so I lose all the arms and legs and everything and after I don't lose everything and then she goes only things that is my heart and then. How much you love me and I need to be a poet. My love your you is greater than the. Man that girl wanted to hear of it every night and I have to like you know wrecking my brain to come up with a new poem every night. That's how woman are wired and then when she grew up to be like sixteen and seventeen I would go up and say I love you so pretty and if they had don't do that but they did decide she loves it she loves it no matter how old you may be there's still a girl with me wanting to be cherished wanting to be caressed and wanting to be you know to receive that kind of protection but I want to tell you this in closing. What we need what woman need from us what we need from each other is a pure love that's something that God can only give us and I tell you I can testify to you today that God has saved my marriage because well because he has given me that love for my wife and then my wife was able to give me that love in return and I said to you that I've just praising God for that because it is God who gives us the pure heart for a child that's gotta love that comes from God We need to as four hours I was even at the bottom of my life asking for that love and God was gracious enough to give me that love that we need for each other so I'm. Going to close with this because time is already and if you have more questions you can come to me and we can discuss more. You know what actually let me sorry about this let me just finish with this because this is this is an amazing thing Adam fall asleep and then God for Eve And then second Adam died and then what church was born and then man needs to die to solve and then woman was born this it it we need to die to solve and then woman is to tied to self in order to respect her husband and it is possible through Jesus Christ and I'm going to end with this how do I got to your wife OK a couple of things let me just go through it. Are you willing to yeah OK this is important Express up action through words and through actions OK express your appreciation in daily routine of life yeah you learn to appreciate it and then celebrate birthdays and anniversary I'm sure you've got to better than Asian people do be considerate of her and means before you're informed her and prepare her ahead of time this is important when you have a hit to traffic don't let her wait on you without knowing anything inform her letter know ahead of time you know so that she would be prepared and then call on and on a regular date and be helpful rather than just rushing especially on Sabbath right in a mean man gets ready in five minutes but woman takes the minutes at this rate know when to make a restful by knowing the pace of the family that's important I was going hundred miles an hour not knowing the pace of my life that she needs and hold hands to pray and fulfill emotional and intimate needs and you know don't think that woman has a intimate need a we all do have that intimate need need to be reminded that we're love understanding yours when things are Rob and take time to laugh and enjoy each other. How to respect this is important I want to show you. I respect you know I'm rushing it because usually takes like are have to go through all this but OK How to respect number one don't try to change him first don't try to change if you try to change him he will not change stop nagging or giving advice just accept him for who we as appreciate in small pains do not become Mangere base or bitter nurture carry improve south without being dependent and then put down in front of children very very important when you do that that's very detrimental leave early decision to him especially when when these are divided and increase in knowledge and wisdom for a woman for a woman to read books and continue to nurture yourself to grow is very important beauty for yourself at home because men are visual United mean don't go wrong with time that the US are to enjoy him enjoy the lead you needing him into a relationship instead of just waiting on him sometimes good for him to take the initiative and so for you know somebody needs to start we can start it when you receive the grace from God and you are the one who initiated it and then. Transform your relationship a man OK thank you for autonomy this media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about our universe or if you would like to listen to more sermons Please Visit W W W audio verse or.

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