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How to Deal with Loneliness

Darlye Innocent Lucien Nana Yobo


We crave human connection, but solitude is also necessary. In this practical presentation, learn how to embrace solitude and deal with loneliness.


  • May 27, 2017
    4:00 PM
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Throughout all of a C.F.I. we've been learning various ways how do you quip ourselves to love well love others well love God love ourselves and this also ties into solitude and loneliness. Solitude is necessary it is very very necessary and this is going to share with us a little bit more about this particular aspect of the human experience Yeah I like to quote I think I put part of some of the stuff I posted on our. Group that. After being established. Institutions of learning students keep living the principles of true keep the Sabbath. To work for them by dropping seeds of truth in the minds and hearts on the influence of the Holy Spirit to spring up to bear fruit for the glory of God and result in saving lives so yes there are a lot of things that come up but one of the very first thing is that we have as students on a public university campus we are dead so that we can one leave this principles of truth and keep the Sabbath but for us to be able to do that we have to be grounded in the truth we know what the truth is before we are able to share that and for us to be able to do that we can look at the example of Jesus so if we go to Mark Chapter one Verse thirty five through thirty nine we can clearly see what was Christ experience in his own time and. I see when I bought ministry What was it that he had to do before he was able to minister. I know we live in a social media generation the first thing I want to do and I wake up in the morning is to check what's up check Facebook check Instagram check in order. What has happened while I was asleep in what I said was a list of check all the breaking news but year we see the example of Christ Christ the very first thing he did in the morning was Ward spend some time brain early in the morning while you were still dark he went out into a desolate place and he prayed as we are going out to a campus years we want to be able to reach out to a campus but first we have to spend some time with God we have to spend some time grounded in the truth we have to spend some time before able to talk about. You know this living water with you you have to first of all know what the living water is know what the truth is before you are able to do that so students I think that this is one very important thing that we tend to forget you know we are very busy I spend all night studying for this final I work up into Monday first thing that comes to my head is just to run out a door and go to class and take their final but in zero two zero time on campus so I do we should always remember that we should first begin our time by spending it alone brain and communing with God So solitude is a practice so it's something you have to be intentional about in order to enjoy that being said loneliness is a real. And actually has something he'd like to share about his experience he just shared earlier that he's from Africa and we were getting together and trying to put together this presentation about his experience being on campus and how loneliness was a part of that experience OK so since we're short of time I'm not going to talk much about me but because I said a little bit about out on Monday. I came I calm I come from Cameron. Yeah I come from Cameron. And I says student I traveled a long ways to come to America and of miles away from home it was a very very lonely experience I remember sitting in the airport fire where my mom was in the air and things began to dawn on me you know what am I doing here you know maybe I should go back home you know maybe I should go hang out my sisters and my father this is the same thing that we face as students we go to campus where we're from come forward and we find you know all of a sudden in this state of loneliness we find I mean I vividly remember one time ours talking with one of the pastors in church I says oh maybe what we should do is find your wife or dad where you're not alone. You know so. All of this stuff is going through my head and on mine and I'm like oh maybe I should go home maybe I have to go home and then to make things you know to add another level of complexity I decided I decided to study geology there's not a lot of advances at the geology This is a field that is very narrow and so many times you experience that you have and study in a feel like dad you don't get to like easily walk down the hall and you made a. You know like we have a lot of people that are into teaching nursing and so on you know vocational calling but so in I began to find myself in these in this place where I am by myself I am you know on a pad that is not taken by a lot of people I am far away from home and yet I have to be able to or to reach out to my campus and yet I have to be able to take this course full commission and she orders I have to you know start a group of Mike on my campus I have to do all of these I had no idea how that was going to go about I had no idea or probably came for some history. With for coming to America I had no idea how all of these things were going to be more of but in spite of all of the. God had a plan God says hey you know I know you're coming to America to study I'm going to plan for you that right now and then when I was leaving home I had no idea what a plan was going to be but I arrived shortly after I came in about three months after that but. Trigger and set into motion I said to find myself we're in a community of believers for you know in a church in a with a group on campus where people every Friday people call me every day how are you doing you know I found myself as well would would have very. Very tired people. This is one people that have been really great to me they will call me every day are you doing come up to me we cook some food for you you know. Church members dropping by randomly we want to hang out with you we want to find a higher doing you know I understand you know for some of us this might not be the case we find ourselves I'm alone on my campus I am alone in my field of study and we begin to now we start to develop the why do. You know we're supposed to go out to this campus to begin to drive this is how can I begin to fact if we do that. And many of you have experienced the same as well. And guess what your classmates your professors might find themselves feeling like they're in silos like they are by themselves so reaching research is showing us that loneliness is actually on the rise and I'll go through some of the implications that that has on our campuses and also ourselves so loneliness as many of you mentioned it causes people to feel empty alone and unwanted and in Matthew twenty six versus thirty six to forty Let's turn there will see that we are not. Experiencing this even Jesus and self felt alone. And experience loneliness and so here we could see Jesus vulnerability he's going through a lot. Where he is in his life in this particular passage and you would think OK he knows that his father's with him we know our heavenly Father is with us so why does he need his disciples but here he is being human he's being vulnerable he's actually mirroring the emotions of the Godhead also has the Godhead is in community and hear Jesus saying I'm going through a really tough time watch with me watch with me stay with me and so being vulnerable I know it's hard for us to do that sometimes because we think because we have God we have need of nothing else but that's not the kind of human experience that Jesus is teaching us to have it's OK to be vulnerable and even in moments of loneliness is OK to share those so in research tells us that college males are actually more prone to feelings of loneliness than females for a variety of reasons and so be intentional about connecting with the guys on your campus and creating community for them it's much easier for us girls to get together go shopping together what have you but for guys police make sure that your intention about connecting with them as well there's a lot of stigma and shame associated with loneliness so men are typically more. Prone to not share those those feelings Yeah I know that you know just thinking about that again we live in this society. Right you know I come from. Expectations and so many times you find yourself on a campus connect with people you don't want to tell them you know. You need a friend. People so I. Mean this is one of the great things that you know you have chapters DAWs for you is that it gives you. Try to be. Trying to find friends and campus you know that you can connect with find yourself in this state alone on your own nobody has an idea what you're doing. Nobody knows. Nobody. Nobody knows but you know try you know to connect try to make friends and you know don't be afraid to share. Your phone or ability and connect with people. So loneliness is in a verse signal much like hunger thirst and pain when you're hungry What are you counsel to do. Eat when you're thirsty What do you counsel to do. And when you're in pain what do you counsel to do of right avoid whatever is causing you pain like it's someone stepping on my foot. Like that it's an aversive No So when you're experiencing loneliness. Need people and some of us because we tend to over spiritualize things we're like well I'll just go to my Bible that's nice but that's not it you're feeling lonely because you need people so go out and buy people and as children of God We are now called to seek out those who may be feeling lonely but they're not connecting the dots that they need people so we need to be extra friendly genuinely friendly and we looked at that throughout the week right how to really engage with others and have an interest in them and actually create a community where we love them just because not because we need more numbers in our clubs but just because. In so it's beautiful to have music gospel music that's great. And like the kind of contemporary music that you listen to it's great to enjoy your food right that's another way that people like on lonely get a pint of the an ice cream. At the right times that's fine too right and again Bible study fantastic but none of those replace commune. With human beings right so being a hermit is not OK I want to really drill that in because we often like to substitute spiritual activities for loneliness and it's a community that we're needing and so community is what I've got a blessing us with does that make sense OK good I'm so happy to hear that well you all know I love talking about wellness of course they bring some statistics about the implications of loneliness on our physiology and also our mental health so these are several negative effects on both physical and mental health that loneliness will have anything from depressed immune function so you find yourself always getting cold and being sick but you're doing everything else is healthy eating while you're sleeping all of that and maybe that you're just missing connection with people and if you've done psychology one hundred one you probably heard of the study where they tried to raise babies without touching them like no physical touch what happened to those babies OK where just bigger babies OK we need hugs We need attention we need love right so stress level discrete decrease memory and learning if you want to bet on your test have two three really good friends like create a community. To make better decisions in the multitude of counsellors there is safety and so when you've got those counselors there's community again so you're going to have better decisions so these are just a few of the things that scientists secular scientists are realizing have implications on our health just from this so remedies for loneliness one of recognizing that when you need a community that's OK it's in fact it's a divinely placed a need we look this morning or yesterday you know this morning and Genesis one one right where it says in the beginning God created the heavens and earth while the human word God Here is a low heem which is the plural form of God. So here it's saying in the beginning a community a heavenly community then created right so being that seeing that we're in the image of God We need to understand that therefore we also need community share meals it's so easy to grab your food to go and not engage with people but this is a this is an easy way for you to make friends for as long as I can remember I now don't have this problem prison but for as long as I can remember even down to middle school no junior high school I had around eating in the lunchroom because like who do you sit with and just that alone just made my appetite go away and then if I sat down with a group of people but they were well into their lunch and they left early so I'm sitting there by myself like that was just too much for me to handle and so in junior high I made friends with a librarian and she would write me passes so I could go get my lunch and then I would eat an office and then read books all through lunch this went through up into college like the cafeteria at Andrews which is just too many people I don't know who to sit with it's just a lot so I would always get my lunch to go and go eat in my room and then jump right into my studies and so today being a campus ministries guess what's one of the things I do a lot with students with them yes because I understand what they might be going through and so I love this quote by this particular author friendship is a lot like food we need it to survive and so share a meal with individuals say hey can we do lunch on Thursday Hey can we do lunch on Wednesday what are you having for dinner is it OK if I join you those are simple That's a very simple you're not even cooking the simple way for you to connect and be with someone and so the substitute is not T.V. it's not you or your telephone the screen is not human you want to connect with humans yeah just like Dolly was talking about when I first came to America I was very. Right you know I spoke. And I think we can. All the time so you you're always very conscious of that you're free to approach people like oh man what are they going to think about me even right now to say I have an axe and I'm like No I don't you know but you know orders things so what happen is that you know food became something really easy I lived in the dorms so I didn't have any friends coming here so I used to go to the camp to the cafeteria you know just walk in by myself you know and I'd get some food but then I said I told myself one day I'll make it I'm going to try to make a friend every day go to this so they have to eat and so every day I would try to sit with somebody and on this one day I decided to go sit with this girl that you know I didn't even know where she was I said I went to see it would ha you know I was like sure you know and you know I sat down tried to say hi. You know ten was a freshman and I'm trying to connect. And then. Take him back like wow somebody wants to talk to me like what's happening I see Turns out we began to talk what happened what I had just died and she was in this state. You know she she didn't have friends on campus she was all worried dad was about to come her father you know somebody was driving like six hours to go back home and you know she just needed somebody to talk to that day you know on campus and yeah I was you know talking with connecting with her and you know over the years we really developed a good friendship we even got to start talking about you know Bible stuff I didn't begin to realize this girl grew up dad is a pastor I didn't know there was a pastor but I think I she was growing up she you know she she felt that you know as a preacher's kid she had been having our displeasure to you know to be good to live this life but. My thing but you know as we began to continue began to talk slowly. Began to study in understanding. The Bible in Christ. In how life. Began to see that there are some things that life. In the where they came from but it all started because I decided to say. You know my accent sounds like or people think that I'm creepy or whatever I'm just going to approach them and try it with them. All right branching out and getting to know different types of people join a club on campus with an interest you might have had but never explored before because your group of friends back home might not be interested in that really try to get to know new people and the college campus is like the ideal place to do it you have the craziest types of clubs right the most interesting groups of people that come from all over the world and so really be intention all of this takes intentionality solitude takes intentionality and creating inclusive communities to combat loneliness also takes intentionality and connected to that is as I briefly mentioned before screens are not a substitute for people and so it doesn't matter how many like she got on that post or on that photo or any of the other social media platforms that you may use it's nice but it's not a substitute for people and Matthew seven twelve Jesus tells us to do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You and as I shared about my anxiety around lunch rooms and sitting down with people that may not share the entire meal with me and figuring out and just being comfortable with being by myself in a very public place so now I'm very intentional about sharing meals with others and not having people experience what it is that I experience so oftentimes with loneliness it's kind of like when you're hungry you're just like I need good food for me right with a. In this you're like I just need to address my loneliness but for a moment flip the script and and look for individuals that might be loners that might be lonely and instead like poor into their lives and you'll find that your loneliness is cured as well as theirs and last but not least much in line with a counselor that loosened up from that person back in his church don't leave I would recommend don't leave finding someone to do life with. To the future and have your eyes open during college is totally legitimate to fall in love and get married in college I know we don't preach that we don't speak that but really it's totally legitimate and you hear some crazy statistics about this and say yes. I'm tell you even if you don't say yes. Studies show that. Married college students have better grades. Are happier So how have a better emotional health and also are healthier so physiologically they have physical better health so what is. So I'm saying General saying in general in general studies show right and these are not Christians that are doing this research on a push some type of agenda these are just secular social scientists my colleagues that are studying this and but we can understand right why right you have a test coming up you have a study buddy built it right ah a local right you have to get chores done for Sabbath you have someone to help you it's right there like the community that God has for that God talked about in Genesis two eighteen you get to experience in the married life and so keep your eyes peeled keep them open you know don't stress over it but don't be so closed off to it either OK because it's completely completely natural to explore those those feelings as well while you're in college. This week we have been looking idea of loneliness We've also looked at. You know the great commission in mighty to an eight. Thousand and twenty. Great Commission give us. I will be with you always even till the end of age. God has put you on your campus for a reason you might feel. Alone. But always remember you have the promise of Christ and the Holy Spirit to be with you Christ has gone ahead of us and the Holy Spirit is going to be reaching out to the people in our community and. University campuses friends. Section partner and complex. But. This media was brought to you by. A website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon and much more if you would like to know. More so.


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