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Guarding Purity: Dating Relationships

Jeff Arthur

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Conference

Recorded

  • July 10, 2009
    9:30 AM
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yes you will will will hope in him him he should do that when you know what is him and him for all you visit from him loses him and him and her development and that's only because I do welcome and one hundred and are moving right along so what is our overarching principally been dealing with the principal was that the most effective way to express the gospel as we have in Scripture and we have in Jesus Mister relationships not the only way but the most effective way one another one of the reasons for that is because the gospel is all about relationship between God and humanity right that's what if you if you were to boil down the essence of what the Gospels all about it's God working on behalf of humanity that's relationship Bennett's best expressed through relationships and so we've taken that principle and we been applying it to different relationships in our lives found parent and child relationship some sibling relationships of and our relationship to God and then these sorts of things now were coming down to dating relationships and so we want to take that overarching principle we want to draw from it the question that we've been looking at which is therefore how am I doing at representing Christ in my relation ships and were going to make a specific application of the question here today then and in that question would be how is Christ represented in dating relationships okay so that's over starting from today now the knowledge you have the background and you have the context that we can move into this now I don't have my notes printed so I'll be looking at my computer quite a bit I hope that doesn't offend you too much let's look at this if we are going to take that question how is Christ represented in dating relationships and if this is a sort of a template of who God is newer member Linda Christ part of the Godhead father son Holy Ghost so this applies to Jesus as well in the great commission we are taking on the mission the ministry of Jesus Christ and we're carrying it forward until the end of this world 's history or ice of the end of this worlds current history would get a new history after the second coming then what what were doing then is were trying to reveal this through our relationships that make sense that's at the critical point will make sure we have the character of Christ revealed through our relationships and by doing that we reveal the true character of God and we proclaim his plan of salvation so hence the question is how do we revealed this in dating relationships that's a Republican and artistic movement for computer God is loving God is love I say that a lot the dating relationship that's fabulous that settled over the groundwork here let's discuss what the average what the normal dating relationship looks like how does that usually look how does it happen you meet somebody somewhere to get your phone number somehow right you never quite know how that happened because you up or something out these days she calls you up to ten we go out on the north like to take it out okay so then you help me what kinds what what what how does the rest of the update and they usually look in dinner and a movie okay pretty common right dinner and a movie or dinner and something you know some some other things go to the Al Qaeda were in Florida come on let's Arkansas I take along the beach it's got to be a longer time than my wife South Africa so so yeah dinner will be a return of the sure whatever okay talk to me about how in the typical dating situation how is the loving character of God revealed in an okay okay now what you just told me is elusive I can configure that Tom you talked about avoiding the wrong avoiding secluded places Metzger but once again been in a typical dating situation how do we express God 's love to distribute within this relationship will okay okay and okay good good and Christian in a Christian relationship with you you would expect it to be God centered Christ centered focus and meaning for a while he told of the second or third to right and it's like we've done six legs three times in a row I want to come as you know now so yes things can change a little trickier but don't worry this in a world were going were going to pull all these different things together and talk to surety how is sure to true godly purity expressed in the typical dating relationship maybe I should restate that how easy is it for typical godly purity to be expressed in Finland and in the average dating relationship as we normally talk about you and one along how well is that necessary for his death close prevailing that the students need to are you little before you borrow and I will endeavor to stay on track this is a this is my rewinding face oh yeah I would submit that the very nature updating as we typically speak of an event of a is not designed for maintaining godly why would I said because hormones being what they are and the night being what it is and seclusion doing what it does combined together to fight against things like that in my writer right one is real and you will and you set the rear that certain ominous reality to been there there certainly there certainly pressure on the unlock and I'm not knocking at those precious and he ever thought of describing a typical dating relationship that you've had as holy game I wonder why we don't do why don't we tell our friends we have a really holy relationship because perhaps the cyclical dating that we that the society has kind of evolved into really doesn't lend itself very well to a truly holy relationship what makes something holy in Scripture to principle here you will is it time we find something or somebody being set aside as holy anointed one fine the presence of God so in order for our review dating relationship to be able to be described as holy we've got this say with conviction that God is present work together and if we can't say with conviction I know God is present with us when were together it's probably not a holy relationship something 's going on there that makes you know that God is probably not real comfortable with assaulting and is it anyway and he will pay as you you dating and I will I will I and you and you and you and I and you and you will their lives watching wrong with this person in the theater has no social skills they got some strange ideas you have exactly exactly it it wouldn't it would be sound very socially unacceptable I need to I is I is in what is and what is new is the will that he is as he is is he is no an mean to sound like think we can find some principles here today that can help direct us along those lines and you know what you're not alone with her mom that is this legal stuff is not found is this this is not this is not unique different different folks experiences in different ways at different times what we need to do those we ask ourselves as were thinking about these kinds of relationships how does how the new supply from we say that God is a righteous God but when God talks to us in Scripture and in tells us that we are to be righteous it applies in a very special way and if you look up the words in the original Greek and original Hebrew and you look carefully after their core meanings what you discover is that the word righteous as it's used in Scripture to talk about us is in right relationship with God what is a right relationship with God is only one militant and and and and relationship in this case actually in some places that when it says and what won't when we look at that it's actually as if it's speaking of physical proximity type relationship in rights proximity to God so what's what's the rights physical proximity are for physical stamps with God is only one exit is only one that's why we look at Scripture and in you see somebody him suddenly faced with a button the manifestation of the presence of God what's their reaction from the right in her face and believing that in practice that they didn't go to face falling school is a next time I see got I meant to do this it's a natural instantaneous reaction to come in the presence of God were on face because we realize his and being at his holiness and argument sinfulness and the only proper posture is down so that's that's the idea of righteousness in the right relationship to God which is father love you dearly but unruly ceiling pretty rough year and I need you to do what you got to do with me okay so that's a very humble before God sort of situation does the dating process as it happens in the world today lend itself to that sort of relationship with God not really not really in him will never looking to come back around us justice and fairness and justice and fairness you know what I think I'm going to think I'm going to provide for you a little extra insight here let's back up a society must look at loving someone some of the Council that we been given regarding what love really is love is a precious gift which we received from Jesus sure and the holy affection okay stop think about that with my special someone when I called us up Scheuer and a holy affection questioned pure and holy affection is an not a feeling it is a principle is very important pure and holy affection is not a feeling it is a principle what is the difference of feeling happens to us a principle we choose to adopt big difference one uses the brain receptor uses the heart and emotions in that stuff gets pushed around all over the place the brain that the intellect is is is more stable it's in its based on solid things solid facts those who are actuated by true love are neither on responsible to the unreasonable nor blind and notices taught by the Holy Spirit it's the love of God supremely friendlier mentioned before that the true relationship must be a threefold relationship God always comes first and at and everything is is defined in this relationship is defined by who he is in your life will pure and holy affection is not a feeling but a principal is taught by the Holy Spirit they love God supreme and their neighbor as themselves love is not unreasonable it is not blind it is pure and holy altar another thing that love is not which kind of wars a little bit against how old dating relationships have sort of developed in our culture true love is not a strong fiery impetuous passion true love may have action in what true love is not strong fiery impetuous passion they're different things true love is ruled by the mind by the will by an independent is defined by God passion is all emotion world largely a motion locate and a good deal of hormone thrown and it is true love is calm and deepen its nature okay someone to move ahead now we talked about sure remedies of the characteristics of God everyone sings characteristics reflected in our relationship so to know what constitutes purity of mind soul and body is an important part of education Paul summed it up in with Timothy when he said keep thyself your you told Timothy that impurity of thought word or action will not be indulged by the child of God impurity of thoughts what thoughts whose grandson was summoned between bomb thought word or action will not be indulged by the child of God ladies just be real with me if if if if if you been a part of typical dating relationship as as as the as that of the world at large does cut out how anyone how would you typically dress for a date with that really cute guy and ask yourself does that exude purity the question is hopefully it does but when we look at dating in general when I see gals and guys out on a date on a Saturday night or Friday night what I'm seeing is not big enough and if it just works this way because because of the styles of women's and men's only as long as cloning a lot of times it doesn't exude a lot of purity a lot of times it's been saying in Louisiana Abilene they do want to serve God and you need to go in the regular in trouble the trouble with that guy you are not reluctant so the kind of the way that the dating relationship in the dating process has been developed doesn't tend towards purity tends just the other way tends to leave the mind to impure thoughts and and and gets impure emotions and things kind of jazzed up typically know nothing always puts him stop talking in generalities here all is it holy in the habit of sitting up late at night we are told is customary but it is not pleasing to God even if you are both Christians these untimely hours these are the health unfit and the mind for the next day 's duties and how here's a important part and appearance of evil was to say about that we are to avoid abstain from all appearance of evil other words even if you both have the best intentions but if you're up late at night all by yourselves in a shadowy little place certain kind of close even if both of you have the most holy intentions in mind the appearance is evil and the devil gets due credit we don't want to give double inning due credit for anything and we don't we don't want to to honor him in any way and we don't want to dishonor God and anyway if you have an eye single to the glory of God you will move with deliberate caution deliberate caution you will not suffer lovesick sentimentalism 's to sell below I hear you cannot discern the high claims that God has upon you as a Christian that is a key idea key truth we assume all of us are Christians verse therefore we have been bought by the blood of Jesus Christ C has first claim on me and on you and I need to ever be aware that I have I have chosen to represent him and that people know that I represent him because I call myself a Christian I call myself the Seventh-day Adventists I call myself what you know whatever that relates to Jesus people know that and so my actions my deportment things I do reflect upon him it's not just about what I want for the moment reflects upon the God who has paid a price for me is this relationship business dating relationship a righteous thing we talked a little bit about that but if by associating with worldly stumpy be careful with what she means by this is is not derogatory what she is saying used by world legs which uses that word watching it is those who are not consecrated to God okay she's not being unkind here this is just a way of clarifying the difference if by associating with world links for pleasure by conforming to worldly practices by uniting our interest with unbelievers we place our feet in the path of temptation and sin how can we expect God to keep us from falling out I don't know I am assuming that that grown-up women understand a lot of things about grown-up men I'm on that assume that but I got to tell you that bomb the pretty young lady dressed all nice smelling beautiful alone with it with with a normal average American red-blooded male found is going to place great temptation you did it it causes a lot of temptation and I'm not just saying for the guy because I don't know about elsewhere I do know about so why would we place ourselves in temptation what we place ourselves on the edge of the devils playground knowing what were doing playing with fire and in and what were told here is when we do that can we really expect God to protect us from temptation before image other words dislike it if Europe if you are alcoholic and you have struggled with alcohol all your life and your finally finding some freedom do you go and rent a house next door to the local bar 's student okay the average of all the way manner made were visual I got to tell you were very very visual and you entice the vision you entice everything in a map women are far more relational and what's going on in and on a date is you've got one guy paintball 's attention to fawning over you caring for you buying this doing that it's another way of setting up temptation to look at a predicted different to that but that's another concern that we have okay interesting one here is this fair business is the norm Monday the relationships that would bet we see around us business relief they are not talking about fair on human standards is it really just and fair think about it this way the average young person maintains what ten fifteen people at least before they find just that one is an American is that really fair that some people need to factor them in the fire that way what's happening ladies what's happening when you guide pages that kind of attention and take you out on several dates and end zone and really speaks the language you don't understand what happens to your emotions you start to get kind of bound up with this person you might even use the word love and perhaps that's true I don't know but the emotions get in mashed and attached and you something happens that either he or she are both saying not now now go over here and so the guy goes over here and he finds another another girl took to date minimal Latin emotions get all an accident he does not only rejoining of the ring is that just is that fair is exactly what she calls it it sold its old English but she says to trifle with the hearts and noticed this this is amazed me I not read this before but it amazing when I thought to trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God crime that's big to trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the side of a holy God yet some will show preference for young ladies and call out their affections among the older way of forget all about the words of them spoken and their effect on new face attracts women a repeat the same words devoted to another the same intentions is not just is not fair that's that's not loving centuries this will trifling trifling means playing with Tom as if it doesn't really have much value just do not use trifling is what a toddler does with the new toy is plays with and through the minimum retirement bill drop in one's amounts to normally see that the toddler take that new toys fairly carefully walk over and make a special place on the shelf and dusted off and set it just so how does a trackpad as a toddler disposable toy and sometimes ungraded but I have never seen my my my little to my children when they were little never take good that the drop in her office on the merits of the floor somebody steps on it it gets broken whatever that's trifling mess what she says it is we that sort this list now she calls it the courtship because in her day that was the term for dating today we would call the dating relationships Massachusetts someone here are long but in reality he is the other person and I was in the will the core blame somebody what do you know you're right but what determines what trifling as this word right here intent other words what is my intention in and in the on beginning this relationship with his BC invading doesn't exist in dating as is done today there is no long-term intent it is for the time being it is whatever will be will be able to visit citizens of specially college for there is an attempt it was the guys on I guarantee that I've witnessed a half there is an attempt and the ladies would like to know what that is but you are to do so but if I have an intense one see that there were jumping ahead maybe we should try to sign we've listen all the way along there is a proper form of what we would call courtship but with the proper form has intense that is honorable and the intent is I have seen for a positive of the guy 's point of view I have seen this young lady on speaking from a single man's foot if you please I've seen this young lady I see in her the characteristics of a godly woman this is the kind of woman that I believe would make a truly arm inspiring mother and wife and I can see much ministry taking place in that kind of reunion and I do much praying the Lord about it and I have peace about pursuing it and so that the intent in my mind and establishing a relationship 's marriage that's the this is when according to Scripture and spirit of prophecy this is when what we might call a dating relationship becomes proper courtship but if there is no intent to be honorable and solicitor turned the ball the fathers would use one some young man would come to court their daughter years ago they would say what are your intentions young man are you honorable and and if the young man said I will haven't yet any intent I'll never marry her daughter we think that's an essay so you better get a car before I get my guns you have the fastest horse in town intent is the core there is no patience in the typical dating structure because because the typical dating structure it is it's all about Tom enjoying ourselves having fun and when that stops were moving on there's no patience to develop the bomb Christian building relationships that are centered in God and the typical dating scene loyalty will that bouncing back and forth between one another we don't see much loyalty faithfulness same thing selfless I don't think the typical dating relationship as we see it today really lends itself to selflessness so probably you are so you never have it's possible in others there's all kinds of there's all kinds of facets I can take place so here let's let's transition out let's let's do this when we get back to my other notes let's look briefly at the purpose of dating why do people date in him and in the way between we see it today in society what's the reasons that we do that have fun number one part per probably number one or near the top what's another reason we date and you and the normal one any Joe or Mary on the street would say they they are a really is a and and and I will yeah I think so you gals but this is real okay and also Yahoo also self-esteem nonacceptance rights and that strongly leads and links with social you know because it in certain circles it especially in the lot areas groups on how to pass this myself but am there is a social stigma if you had if you're not actively dating wrong will you anybody you there is so well that that's part of it and I was in a pool is a yeah yeah locker room talk is not pretty ladies limited budgets but it's real it's very real and you just have to understand him often we date for social reasons we can witness what human beings want to be connected were designed for in a relationship and were not designed for nothing but just just very superficial relationships were designed to desire deep emotional relationships the trouble is we need to use intellect to govern those relationships we don't just throw them around willy-nilly so that the typical reasons for dating besides we have have just mentioned might be companionship I think that's a big one and maybe more so for the ladies and the guys I think women tend to be Morse socially natured than the guys are in that way so probably a lot of wide a woman would would like the dating relationship is for companionship is said to have fun that's a big one him to learn and I heard this people said I just want to play the field to learn what I like so when it's time to get married all know what I want ladies do like the idea that you are seen as a practice or a piece of fried chicken on the buffet do like the fact that on that really just entice you while I'm just another piece of turkey on the buffet line see if somebody likes me now this this is not God 's plan is not God 's plan some people say that I just want to become familiar with the different kinds of guys that are different on the girls of the three hundred guys and I will and in and in and I and I ate a little down in the twelve hundred and eight well not not typically sometimes it was way down was in common is an you know no not really the reason that happen so much years ago was because our society was largely agrarian that means farming and families had to get a start early to get enough children to maintain that form bottom and Anna was no birth control stick of wood but the but farmers needed big families and then these poor ladies had to get a fairly early start they were never big enough family to support the farm is the farmer is you which is life and it was unfortunate that was the way it was not not necessarily now you know on and as I pass them off yeah sure whether the saying is there is no place I would have less horizontal ones that do not agree that no place you now one of the difference is given in marriage is right so the little transition were not leaving this were transitioning a little bit so then what are some of the dangers what are some of the risks in the dating system as we see it today for the Christian here are some this one I figure it out myself and them I've heard it repeated and seamen over and over I went to us the Seventh-day Adventist boarding Academy and him and at Academy was quite quite conservative I would say the other there is different levels of love that in different academies the one I went to was quite conservative in the Midwest they still have what they call a social policy which said technically in the again the handbook there was to be no going together in our dating on and it was actually that the cafeteria was secondly segregated in the breakfast time guy sat on one half of chapter girls on the other during the other meals you could sit together because they were faculty there with you on Friday evening Vespers segregated one half of the church was guys other half of the church was doubtless because it's dark it's darker and they are hard to keep track of these couples are doing so they segregated and Sabbath evening activities if there was going to be a movie or something segregated okay even at that every just about everybody I knew in school was dating or going with somebody you know it was just all under the counter under the rug we don't talk about it but we all went on and I did nothing to your headlight over the course of time that I was an advocate I think three different girlfriends different times of but after that last one in and is getting close to time to go to college I started thinking about you know reflecting on this process and all the sudden it dawned on me okay what are the two only real outcomes for a relationship or even weeks ago and going to what you call it now but with that kind of a that promised relationship one of the two only real outcomes to the really two ways ago so tell me what their okay there you go unanimity in regular breakup I will do this this is often that kind of what it feels like right and married okay we can make little wedding bowls and how many of you are looking to get married today I am talking to younger younger ones are because of the older ones maybe I'm you I hope that most most young people in high school academy or college are not like I want to be married right now so if with that mindset I don't want to get married but I do want to get into these deep relationships what's your only other option what is that to when you have emotional bomb in meshing going on in the relationship of a breakup what is that the cause suffering heart ache pain lots of trying all that stuff is sometimes yeah yeah and I in defining a more and I will and you and you know you really do need to do new goods entertainment is all about trusting when going through in her death there was a good thing about contentment you were talking about God Scripture says we when you when you put the pieces together the scriptural concept of contentment has nothing to do with us knowing what God is doing some say that again Scripture says that there there is a contentment that we should seek that has nothing to do with understanding what God is up to its simply based on faith there there are now doesn't mean that God is no telephone is up to sometimes it does reveal to us what his plan is but sometimes he's working his plan out ahead of us and is not letting us in on it right away and yet were asked to be sent to seek that contentment that you know what whatever he's doing it's okay with me I saw if those are the options that's one risk or danger either intermittent visibility heart ache there's got to be married most most of y'all probably aren't really interested in marriage the moment mother mother of risk or danger is these kinds of love dating relationships tend to distract us from the real priorities Ellen White is very clear that in an app in the age group of high schoolers and college she called the formative years of character development but what will actually when she tossed a form of years ago drove Chicago early childhood she talks about a different kind workwear that's where the pieces are coming together now and in the life pathway is being marked out an accident the key part of your of dear wife Nancy she talks about I don't have a quote here where she was talking to the students of the students at Avondale College in an error Verizon Palm Sagan Australia Fridays right she was talking to Susan at Avondale and Australia and she was saying you have no behalf don't need no right to be you know playing these guide girls things at this time in your life this is time to focus on what God is trying to create used to be and to do and it's time to set the lessons of of phone of education and training deep so she says this is not the time to be distracted by social problems interactions with a normal life she doesn't like me anymore while the sort of stuff gets its way distract that's another danger of here's what we can we've we've touched on several times when it is a key danger with dating as we know it today and that it is we expose ourselves to large quantities of sensual temptation Anderson is no Christian should never be intentionally exposing themselves the temptation that that's exactly contrary to what it means to follow Christ because of what what were saying is like the old Bill Cosby routine communicative commutable legal legal to convict McDougal legally going that's overdoing to God so yeah come yellow listen to know right now minute heaven dates of the lakes now back in my day can repeatedly normally one of illegally we can't do that with God it's either all with him or were overstepping away from it so that the danger is that were exposing ourselves temptation which is contrary to God at this age Academy college you don't like to hear it but really because of of limited life experience the emotions and the judgments are still not fully mature doesn't mean that you can do mature things it just means you're still putting the pieces together and bands that's why when she talks about this time she says proceed very carefully very slowly and with lots of prayer because you're at a dangerous time it's a formidable or manipulative character development on the other danger is playing with others affections of all a big one and I saw this on both my sisters bless him it encourages secrecy and deception when you have parents who are trying to cut a Holbrook hold the reins but you know she really likes Johnny down the street mom and dad don't like Johnny down the street so what's to happen or find ways just to get some time together when mom and dad don't know about mom and dad are watching and and so the dating scene as it is played out today often encourages secrecy and deception and in and when that happens than that though the result of that is it undermines the parent-child relationship which we saw yesterday was extremely critical and it isn't critical in God 's plan for the family so having said that I would say from what I see in Scripture spread approximate the dating system as weak as we see it in society today really is not in harmony with the biblical model so I could say okay we covered all similar but not to do that because I still have with humans not many that tend to think of what we as an alternative form of solid Christian alternative work on touching on that earlier when we were talking if we know that society 's method of dating relationships is really contrary to God 's model then we need the alternative that is in harmony with God 's model so let's look at the criteria of what that alternative would have to meet it must support whatever this alternative is it must support and strengthen our relationship with God number one fifty one evaluates your alternative to the to the popular dating scene apply these criteria number one it must support and strengthen my relationship with God and that of the other person first criteria second criteria it must put God 's will for both of us first it must put God 's will for both of us first if whatever where planning if there are alternatives to typical dating is ignoring how God is already working in our lives then it's not fixed it's not a biblical model at all I can't be we have to look at the direction God is already leaving in our lives and we have to ask this question if we have some sort of a relationship can we continue on the path God is leaving or will one or both of us have to pull off the path if the answer is what one or both of us have to move off the bat this can be in harmony with what God is trying to and this is the big one that really kind of the clarifies the picture a lot whatever this alternative is it must protect and strengthen basic Christian principles what are some of those principles is looking for things like this of the fundamental medical principle of charity for Christians and the there's a fundamental Christian principle of honesty in Scripture for four Christians chastity when talking about saving yourself until marriage is as fundamental Christian principles of honor which is a word that most of us aren't familiar with because is not common in our language anymore like it used to be we'll talk about that briefly virtue another one of the little bit outdated but the concept is still very relevant relative relevant on the holiness and self respect and believe it or not the Bible is not anti- self-respect what the Bible teaches is that as we are in harmony with God we find that we have self-respect when we are outside of harmony of God self-respect gets damaged okay so whatever the alternative is if it's going to be in harmony with God 's expressed words it has to did has to uphold and strengthen these basic Christian principles purity honesty chastity honor virtue Holiness and self-respect among others so let's let's back up to second say the way the average people in society today in North America least conduct the dating program are these things upheld and and and strengthened depends on the people but the overall process doesn't really do that in some places it really fight against this so the alternative that we see my principles doesn't come right out and say here is what you should do here's what it's called but my principal here's what we end up with it's something that old schoolers might call according now accordingly said is based on intent to marry so what's the first assumption were saying if you're not intending to marry what should you be doing in terms of relationships with the opposite sex you really shouldn't but here's how you meet the needs of sociability and learning about people because it was said that that some people say what I date so I can get to know different people in the weather like you know how we do that groups if you're not serious about getting married and you don't want to go to the breakup routine over and over and you don't want to undermine these basic Christian principles in your life but you still want to get to know what different kinds of girls are like her different kinds of fellows are like you do it in groups in wholesome Christian activities of one of the best if you want if you want to really find on a solid solid Christian person spend time in ministry with ladies spend time in ministry with men of your of your faith is in there no wonder that you are right we still have you still have to really guard the level of interaction you because you need that that can easily happen and ends you have somebody brought up this question a while back when I had this discussion well I think the relays were unanimous in on you know you look at them and they think he likes me and that's that's not at all you know so so you have to really learn to set some boundaries and be able to be with people without its instant door instigating relationship and that takes some practice they can happen when when when there's somebody who was really emotionally needy and really is longing and lonely and longing for relationship sometimes just of just saying hello in the hallway is enough to condescend spending and we have to be real careful about the button gathering together in groups with other like-minded Christian young people engaging in wholesome activities during daylight hours preferably because they are not messing that that that as a group to get into some kind of simple situation necessarily but she also talks about you know when you need your rest you need to be functional to eat you need to be clear minded the next day so you don't ignore the laws of health and nature in order to to spend fun time with other people but by doing that then you get the Association then you begin to notice different characteristics by the time I went to college I had a list guys have a list of the characteristics I was looking forward woman the things I really love to find and when sense of humor sort things like that you know in a clear calm but cleared calling a direction with God that sort of thing so spending time in groups of the Christians differently different young ladies young menu you begin to two enemy we take off why I like that characteristic I hope the Lord has anointed and that's where we get to the bottom line who was really in charge of what happens here eventually it could be you you could say I'm taking charge and I'm going to marry the first one comes along to see exactly right we can do that lots of people do lots of people are hating the fact they did lots of people are hating each other because they did will you a church in you and you okay talk to you right so there's lots different reasons the people she was just to go ahead but if we truly believe that when we surrender our lives Jesus Christ that he charted a course for allies and he has a plan a if we truly believe and I believe he does then we can trust him and even though we can't understand where we are right now or where she is aware he is right now we can trust that God 's and if we can if we focus

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