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The Foundation for a Happy Marriage

Dwayne Lemon Alexandra Lemon


This session will show key principles that will help us know how our homes can become a little heaven on earth. 




  • April 21, 2018
    3:00 PM
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Heavenly Father I thank you Lord so much for what a beautiful Sabbath day and Lord already your spirit is working on my heart even more for ever learning Lord I pray that you will use to and I seek to share the principles you have in your word and I ask that the hear that hears will be open to receive the counsel that you would have them to know be with us we pray in Jesus' name with all the speakers and Jesus' name amen amen. Right all right so let's start OK if we could turn our 5 also to Matthew $24.00. 1924 and you definitely want to show you have your Bibles and of course take notes as well as we go through the session Yes OK. Matthew 24 we're going to look at verses 37 and 38. Are we all there. OK I'm going to start reading Matthew $2437.38 but as the days of Noah were so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be for as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking marrying and giving in marriage until the day that no end to the Ark So what do we see in the stats essentially. What we're seeing is that in the days of Noah there's things about the past and to the Libyan times that we're going to see today and base of the emphasis of our week and what is our focus based off of the text. It's a question I need an answer. Based off of the emphasis of our weekend what do you think is our focus in the text what is it that sticks out to you when you know as the days of Noah in verse 38 he describes what the days of Noah were like what in that description would you say is a political 2 hour meeting. OK they were marrying and giving in mass very good very good and so you would think what's wrong with marriage is there something wrong with marriage is marriage a beautiful thing the way God designed it it was at the beginning that was the institution that he placed in the Garden of Eden is marriage so we're going to go back we're going to go actually at the beginning of the Bible to Genesis 6 if you can turn to me today with me the Genesis 6 and we're going to look at verses $1.00 and $2.00 and the reason we go in there is because Jesus just said as it was in the days of Noah so shall it be in the days of Noah they were married in giving in marriage so now we're going to look at the marriage institution in the days of Noah to see well what was the disconnect so we're going to look for that right now as we go through Genesis 6 OK now we are there. And it came to pass when men began to multiply on the face of the earth and daughters were born unto them that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair and they took them wives of all wished they choose so the 1st point we can establish here is the fact that there was a marriage back in the days of Noah but how do we make the connection in prophecy because this is something in Matthew 24 The guy said we have to look for so something creep then something happened to the marriage covenant. And if you look at verse 2 we could see. Well actually let's go to verse on 1111 and 12 and we're going to answer that question before we go back to verse 2 Genesis 6 1st 11 and 12 in the Bible says the earth also was corrupt before God and the earth was filled with violence and God looked upon the earth and behold it was corrupt for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. Can a corrupt men and woman have a holy marriage. So the marriage was corrupt and so when you consider Matthew $24.00 this is the emphasis when he said when the Bible says marriage and giving in marriage this was the context of what he was talking about the fact that the marriages were corrupt back then. OK So people got married in KNOW IS days and we're going to look at the quote testimonies to the church via him for 5 actually before we do it let's consider this so what are some things we see in Genesis 6 if you're looking at Genesis 6 and verse 1 right the 1st thing that it says is the Sons of God were marrying daughters of men all right now if you go back to Genesis 5 you will see why that term of those terms of very significant in the Bible there's some you know religions and what have you that believe the sons of God were angels but we have to cancel that because Matthew chapter 22 says Angels don't marry so in Matthew 22nd chapter angels don't Mary angels do not get married but the sons of God did get married sons of God which children of God They were those who were following the teachings in the ways of God So the daughters of men were obviously the contrast to the sons of God In other words there was an equally yoke taking place in Genesis 6 there were those who were the sons of God The followers of God but their marrying the daughters of men there was an equally yoked. Foundation number 2 why did those guys marry those girls. Says they saw that they were fair so that means that the marriage was not based on anything deep it was based on surface externals they were just like she's really pretty The sisters were like he's really good looking and they allowed surface reasons to bring them together in marriage a lot of people are getting married today based on physical attraction act then the point number 3 in verse 2 it says they took them wives of whom they chose in Scripture God was the 1 that would choose the wife for the husband that's what we learn in the Eden model. The parent was the 1 that would approve the person that is about to be married but these guys they chose what they wanted without any parental counsel or consultation and as a result of that that 3 fold formula is ultimately what brought corruption in the marriage coming as a result of being an equally yoked as a result of being focused on externals and as a result of not following God's plan on how to approach the subject of marriage it ultimately produced a scenario or an environment that now when corruption came in the world the marriages were also corrupt so as Alexandra just said when we consider this quote here this quote is very important you got to over just a little bit want to go ahead be there for us there is not 1 marriage in 100 that results happen that bears the thank you note God and places the parties in a position better to glorify very good so I notice that not 1 marriage and how many. Not 1 marriage in 100 that results happening that bears the sanction of God and places the parties in a position better to glorify Him So Alexandra can you speak to these points here from what's coming out in the quote because in a lot of showing us some powerful information so that's going to share that with them. OK So we're dealing with happy. The issues are you know how many of us can really say well I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand of course but you know when and I as we work together and we counsel we we see a lot of issues with married couples and that is the 1 thing is they're not happy even though they come to church and they appear happy when We speak to them on a personal level we see there's a lot of issues OK And the 2nd thing is it bears the sanction of God Most people get married for the wrong reasons as my husband just talked about. Looking at externals or you know for various reasons and they feel even though they see the issues at the beginning they try to say OK we'll fix it or we'll take care of it in the by and by and sometimes these issues never go away that's right OK And the 3rd it was supposed to glorify him you know. We got to consider what a lot of people don't they don't even understand what giving glory to GOD IS SO WE a lot of couples they start off wrong I know my husband and I would consider what we know today we didn't start off the correct way so we had to learn the hard way and by the grace of God we can say that through learning this experience that we're much better and this is why you know on May 27th we're going to renew our vows because there's a lot of things that we didn't know before that we know now and God is for showing us more and more as we you know draw closer to him but that's not the case for some couples they start off wrong and they end up having the horses and they could have worked out and this is the point you know what we want to do is have like what I would call real talk with you know just really get it straight up real about it and being honest we understand it is a sacred circle in every family so it's not for us to take you know the very details of what happens in our home and put it out before the masses but there are principles in the Word of God that my wife and I can answer the back and say you know we didn't follow that too carefully and as a result of not following it carefully it brought some pain it brought some challenges and therefore the Lord has taught us now and this is why it's an absolute privilege to really do this because it's kind of like for those of you who are parent to get married or what have you or maybe you're married you're at a stump where you're not realizing you know how do we get through this hopefully they'll be something that we can share we're not your model we know that God is OK but we're grateful that we can impart some information that could help us see it think of the contrast of these 3 that we just heard not 1 marriage in 100 that results happen why is it that they don't result happily look at the reasons again that bears the sanction of God Another word of sanction is approval. There are a lot of us that consistently violate what God says and think that will get away with it and God wants us to understand that listen sooner or later you're going to have to come face to face with your decisions and so what we want a marriage is that sanctions that God can sanction that God can approve in addition to that it says it places the parties in a position better to glorify God when ever you get a chance you read a feast in chapter 5 and verse 32 and the Bible makes it clear that the great purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship that God has with his people this is how marriages are to glorify God husbands who love their wives as Christ loved the church wives who reference their husbands as the church is the reference Christ the world needs to see a picture of what the Gospel looks like and God wanted our homes to be that model and so again when we think about marriage this is what God was saying Now when we don't have this ancient when we do not glorify Him we are guaranteed not to have marriages that result happily we're not going to happen after all the sex is through and everything that's why a lot of people get married you know once they can get those thrills out they're going to realize wait a minute I'm stuck with this person and I got to find out do I really like them do I really want to be with them and for a lot of people it's a rude awakening it's like after all the frills are quote unquote gone now you've got to deal with the personality that you've come in and to be with to death do you part and so God wants to spare us a lot of those pains because this some statistics that you know we need to go over right now because there's some issues going on there's a lot of as my wife said divorces and all these things taking place or some of us are living in divorce we never write the paper but we live in that like it with 1 another and that was not God's plan for you and it's not his plan for us for a short time so 1 of the things that God wanted us to do was understand something from a root standpoint. Proverbs $26.00 verse 2 and it says as the bird by wandering as the swallow by flying so the curse causes shall not come so we have to ascertain the cause and then ascertain the cause we find it here so so when we talk about the course what are some of the causes for divorce this is 1 of the key ones and this is information marriage that kind of get a whole bunch of counsellors and other folks who work in you know marriage and work with marriage counseling and the kind of tell you just from a secular standpoint 1 of the reasons why there's so much divorce happening in our world where we're getting out of what 1 in 5 marriages end in divorce that's a pretty high statistic so here goes some of the reasons why honey if you can be that yes infidelity extramarital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce the reason why people cheat aren't as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship says cheating expert Ruth Houston it starts as an emotional affair with later becomes a physical affair 1 of the sad realities and I can look back to my wife and I can remember this is that when we were getting counseling we actually got counseling so that's that's point number 1 is that the Word of God lets us know that it is appropriate at times to get counseling and marriage is definitely 1 of those areas OK In the multitude of counselors there truly is safe now 1 area that a lot of times you do not get counseling on is on sexual relations they don't talk about it it's like that taboo thing still or you get these people who talk about sexual relations but they're very perverted. And I've seen this we've we've seen this where you know sometimes churches will hold events and you know and they'll say hey hot sizzling sex come and learn about it and they bring all these single people and they teach some of the worst principles I mean it just totally sounds like what we talked about earlier people who are worldly and they're bringing it into the church and that is not God's plan and there's a way that we can fix this in the multitude of counsellors there is safety do you agree with that OK let me put a balance to it on especially for those of you who are presently single and maybe according or even if you're married and you go to problems and you going to seek counseling I want to give you this go to Psalms 119 I want you to look at this very carefully Psalms 119 and I want you to consider verse 24 and I want you to watch this verse very carefully in Psalms 119 and verse 24 here's what the text says so Alex once you find that if you could read that the Psalms 119 and verse 24. Now watch this go ahead that I testimonies also are my delight and my counsellors and I notice that in the multitude of counsellors there safety is that correct what did we just read our counselors to us. It says testimonies are my delight and my counsel you know what the Bible is actually called you know another word for the Bible. Testimonies OK to the launch of the testimony if they speak not according to this word because there is no light in them the testimony of Jesus is the spirit or the gift of prophecy which was given to Isaiah which was given to Jeremiah which was given to Daniel and Peter and James any human counselor you talk to listen to these words very carefully the only human counsellors that you should receive counsel from are human counsellors who are subject to the counsels the want to stand that. We don't care and we don't need anybody telling us how to run our marriages and our lives because they got some certificate from A.B.C. school if they're learning worldliness even from a school that will do us no good. So sometimes we need to worry a little bit less about the certification and the more about the subjection of the individual do you subject your mind to God's counsels which is were his testimonies are you going to give me worldly counsel are you going to give me inspired counsel you understand that difference so in the multitude of counsellors there is safety as long as those counselors are subject to the Scriptures the giving scoundrel according to the Word of God always remember it was a multitude of counsellors that killed Jesus always remember that the Bible literally says those counselors came to get they took counsel and said it is better for 1 man to die than for the rest of the nation to suffer that was worth the ungodly counsel even though it was a whole bunch of ministers that were counsel you understand that So the key is always remember when you see counseling to deal with the subject of sexual relations preparing to go into marriage or to revamp the marriage it is imperative that you talk to counselors that are subject to the inspired words of God However there are many good counselors that don't talk about sex so you know what the problem is they do see those statistics how many of you are here for Sabbath school. OK For those of us who are here for Sabbath school brother might Carducci showed an alarming statistic of how many women and men have indulged in pornography is an alarming number I mean it's almost like 1 out of every 3 or you know you got 80 percent of guys up almost 90 percent of guys that have been exposed to it now here's the problem. If the great grandma Jari it's majority of us have been exposed to pornography. Which is perversions on the highest levels then we are planning to get married and then go into marriage and our councils never talk about sex do you know what that means that means that probably 9 times out of 1099.9 percent of the time we are going to bring the world of pornography into our marriage and if that wife or that husband is uncomfortable with certain practices and things that we are demanding to be done because of our false education on sexual relations then it opens the door wide for infidelity we understand that this is the reason why sex education must be given to the people of God A counsellor should never counsel with people preparing them for marriage and not talk about sex because there are certain perversions that do not need to enter into the new life there are things that we have learned through pornography and this filthy world that we are not to bring in and subject our brides to or to subject your husbands to so infidelity unfortunately is a manager reason why a lot of people are falling into sexual sin because they never dealt with these demons even though they might have gone through counseling do you understand that it's a major issue but it's not just that in addition to that go ahead with this next 1 course money. Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to 1000 making considerably more money than the other causes and a power struggle can strain America to the breaking point money really touches everything and it impacts people's lives says and it burns brand marketing director of central clearly money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples. We know for sure that sadly when there is mismanagement of money and you know you can't live off of love you know we all have to definitely think about spending sooner or later and sometimes those hardships that come from poor money management lack of budgeting and these type of things ultimately produces an atmosphere in an environment of contention and then eventually it can even lead and force it to things like divorce now it's not just money but about this 1 constant arguing from becoming about choice to arguing about the kids and arguing kills many relationships couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they're not being heard or appreciated many find it hard to see the other person's point of view which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution and that's what we talked about this morning that's right and remember what did we learn foundationally is the only reason why we end up with in all these arguments in our home. Pride remember that pride only pride is that thing that ultimately produces these contentions so someone is being proud and again these are issues so constant arguments come out you can almost look at your life you know if we see infidelity in the picture we know where this is headed if it's not checked obviously if we see a poor money management that's another thing you got to consider you know I always say whoa be on to the man and my wife says A vice versa to the woman when the man makes a decision to say he wants to marry my daughter I'm like Brother you sure you want to do this you know it's like you know because I have to take them on a boat we're going to go on a lake somewhere like where he just can't go anywhere we're going to be in the middle of a better water and I'm a totally private investigator and I'm going to make sure that he has his stuff up together because it's like there's no way I'm handing my child over to you unless I know that I can be confident that you are going to be the house band you are going to find that woman. To your heart to God's heart and all the children that will come through because this is too much confusion in our homes right now and so we find that that's what I'm going to do to the women and I double world to the brothers because you know my wife she asked to see her smile she has a beautiful smile that's but you don't understand she got a bite and if that's what she needs that guy you know who says Can I marry your daughters or whatever or meets that girl who says that she wants to be you know 1 of my boys wise I was going to have to put her on a boat probably take over the lake to do something like that how would you know I'm not going to put it on a boat but we'll talk and I like the boat like they're going to do and I hope they don't know how to swim it's like up but it's going to vote you can't go anywhere we're going to talk real talk you can't go in and we're going to scrutinize this but the bottom line is that we don't want to fall into these traps constant arguing and all these things there's a need for deeper investigation about the ones of whom we are choosing to be married to or if you're in marriage you've got to watch out for the red light. The things that are clearly showing you hey danger danger danger we're running into trouble but it's not just that so we've got infidelity we have money management issues we have constant arguing about this more. Realistic expectation this is huge it's easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations expecting yourself and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be these expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person leaving you feeling let down and setting yourself up for failure this is a major issue we're going to say something oh no no. I mean I'm just saying this is something that we have to consider because a lot of times we create this Mr Romeo and I settle in the if we set these images up in our head this is what he will be oh this is what she will be to me and the expectations many a times are totally unrealistic totally unrealistic and as a result of these individuals not meeting our expectations we will find ourselves in a very frustrated marriage again at the beginning of the Marriage Act. Probably 9 you know majority of time just beautiful because again you know you're going to going to get a lot of those thrills out if you've been holding yourself back if you've been holding yourself back we're going to get a lot of those thrills out but again sooner or later than any of us who've been married for a long period of time there has to be something more than just those Sissoko thrills and what have you to really cause that marriage as Brother Carducci said you know the glue that really keeps us together has to be more than just some of the physical things so again these are some of those issues unrealistic and we're going to talk about perhaps the most major unrealistic expectations that we put on each other in marriage that's there really a formula for failure West going to show you that So these are things that we got to pay attention to 1 more abuse physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples it doesn't always stem from the abuse or being a bad person the emotional issues are usually to blame for guidance from the reason no 1 should tolerate abuse and the removing it and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important to men so these are just a few things there was actually top 10 reasons we just pulled out 5 but these are like you know the top 10 things of what we're seeing that's causing a lot of divorce in our country and let alone the world at large Obviously God does not call us for divorce but these are things that unfortunately can happen so he wants us to do something about it beforehand so again to those of us who are preparing for marriage you really want to watch out for some of these things we just talked about if you've got a cheating boyfriend you more than likely have a cheating husband you know God wants to give you enough wisdom to pay attention that you got a cheating girlfriend you're more than likely going to have a cheating wife so these are things you want to pay attention to you want to watch out for those signs of prefers it's you want to ask those those hard questions if you're really getting ready to marry that individual you want to ask them what is your concept of acceptable sexual relations what is not what are some of those things that you might have been exposed. As to how has God given you victory over that you want to start asking some of those serious rough questions because once you're in marriage you're in and even though we got abuse of the abuse though it may very well require a separation in the Word of God that is not permissible for divorce the Bible is very clear in Matthew Chapter 19 Matthew chapter 5 that the only reason for divorce is infidelity so even when you're in a an abusive relationship God Again he does not want us to necessarily stay in the physical and Byron that but he does not permit us to even divorce for such a situation as that now let's take a look at the blueprint Let's take a look at the blueprint what is the foundation then for a happy marriage Jesus prophesied as it was in the days of Noah so shall it be at the coming of the Son of Man in the days of Noah the marriages were very corrupt they were corrupt because they were built on very false and weak foundations Jesus says before he comes so it shall be in the marriages today not 1 in 100 marriages are happy a lot of people feel like Christmas that was never God's plan my wife and I we were doing a meeting in a certain state leave it there when we were doing a meeting there was a people who had problems with their husbands and there was a man who was cheating on his wife and when that man was cheating on his Why do you remember what the wife said to you she said a lot of things but what was that alarming statement that she said that we had we had to check that in reference to what I know her husband was cheating I know but you know I was thinking he was willing. To give him that was the good part yeah but I'm not sure but what was the shocking part that she said about men in general do you remember that it's common. Not only was a common But what was her attitude like like it was nonchalant like this is normal and if you know I've even heard in the past years at least when he comes home to me as long as he comes home to even though he's cheating messing around but as long as he comes home to me or lusting after the women as long as he doesn't touch him you know it comes home for me this is this is what I was exposed to as a young woman with women in the church that was saying this to me you know and so what do you think she did with the standard for her man does she lower it is she heightened she lowered it you understand that and this is what a lot of sisters do today so when when men begin to demonstrate you know lack of self-control a lot of times the woman may have changed her mind to say well that's just how brothers are so I guess I just you know we deal with it we roll with it know how much the more if you're a man of God No thank you with that is not acceptable to stand that keep your standard. Now let's look at how high it is let's go to Genesis chapter 1 I want you to watch this Genesis chapter 1 I wish there was more biblical counseling counseling rather than all this philosophical counseling that a lot of people do we need to go to the Word of God We need to let God be our guide back in Genesis chapter 1 you'll remember that the Bible said something beautiful about men right 1st and foremost it said in verse 26 when God made men it said Let Us make man and what our image our image and after what life our likeness so man was made in the image and likeness of God Himself that right back now I want you to watch this look at chapter 2 a look at verse 18 What did God say in chapter 2 in verse 18 this this is a crucial point when we're thinking about foundations for a happy marriage. Man was made in the image and likeness of God So God and man had a beautiful union with each other now in Genesis 2 in verse 18 What does God say God says what it is not good for what it is not good for man to be what alone and therefore what I say is going to do about it I'm a coma help me now I want you to think about this with me it is not good for man to be alone question. Was Adam. Alone or was Adam lonely he was alone that's what God said Adam was alone and as a result of him being alone what the God provided for on a helpmeet So notice was Adam lonely No he was not what is the difference between being alone and lonely. OK 1 is how you feel another's effect or we can say 1 is a physical condition and the other 1 is an emotional condition you understand that if I am alone best just a physical condition I'm just by myself but I'm emotionally spadeful you understand that I'm emotionally stable but when a person is lonely they can be surrounded by a 1000 people but emotionally they're not stable they still feel something's missing loneliness is not a reason to get married you don't read that inscription. Loneliness is not a reason to get married. And a lot of people don't understand because a lot of times and this you know with this is especially true this is not only true a single people this is especially true with widows and widowers individuals who had spouses die and then they get to a place and I got so used to having somebody around and now that they're dead I'm lonely. I need to find another wife that is not even model that is not the Eden model that is setting yourself up for major fall and so what we want to make it clear number 1 the foundation for a happy marriage is not to move forward in 1 because you're lonely you should be able to move forward in 1 because of told different reasons does anybody know what the word helpmeet means speaking of a helper but they're helping them to do what I say again they're helping them fulfill the purpose that God has made them for very good you are helping me meet the purpose that God made me for that is a very good reason to get married which means that before you get married you should know what God made you for. Do you know how many people get married they have no clue why they even exist they don't understand the unique purpose of life they don't understand the absolute reason that God has called them for I read a little book called Education Page 267 and it says the specific place that God has appointed us in this life will be determined by our capabilities I thought to myself I said wait a minute God has a specific place for me in this life you should know that before you get married Adam knew that Adam understand some of the even model. In the Eden model Adam was a whole man who that brings up another point. What is it that people often call you when they meet me if they meet brother lemon but they never met my bride Alexandra then when they meet Alexander they say oh this must be your way better not even other half but it's always better that better had do you know that that is worldly foolishness Adam was mentally physically spiritually emotionally sound that brother was whole. He was mentally physically spiritually emotionally sound. She was whole it was 2 whole people that came together in wholeness and holiness there is no such thing as better halves worse half or halves of any kind you meet guys that say my wife completes me. That's a problem you should have been complete before you got married now let me put it to you this way look at this I want you to look at this point from inspiration in patriarchs and prophets page 45 paragraph to man was to bear God's image both in outward resemblance and in character Christ alone is the express image of the Father but man was formed in the lightness of God his nature was in harmony with the will of God His mind was capable of comprehending divine things his of factions were pure his appetites and passions were under the control of reason he was what holy and happy in bearing the image of God and in perfect obedience to His Will man in his single state was both holy and happy and this is what we should be in our single state before moving forward into America we're talking about the Eden model the Eden model Oh but it doesn't stop here let me show you something else man once. Spiritual Gifts book 3 page 34 watched this as Adam came forth from the hand of his creator he was of noble height and of beautiful symmetry he was more than twice as tall as men now living upon earth and was well proportioned his features were perfect and beautiful his complexion was neither white nor sallow But Ruddy glowing with the rich tent of health Eve was not quite as tall as Adam her head recent little above his shoulders she too was noble perfect in symmetry and very beautiful What else do we see highlighted that Adam and Eve were in their single state they were healthy. Mankind in Eden according to the even model before entering into marriage was healthy happy and holy this is an ideal that God said for every single 1 of us as we are preparing for marriage this is foundational we should be healthy do you know many marriages the messed up or get messed up because somebody is unhealthy true story may How do we say this well we're going to keep it very there was a place that we went. And there was a wife and a husband that had major issues and we had to counsel. The wife had a condition that she did not properly articulate to her husband this condition prohibited them from being able to enter into a healthy sexual relationship as a result of this condition the husband got frustrated very frustrated and when that husband got frustrated eventually as a result of lack of self control that husband became an adulterer it was unfortunate that his wife had a condition that she probably had no control over whatsoever but nevertheless it deeply impacted their marriage do you think that that probably would have been a good discussion to happen for entering into marriage. That probably would have been something very healthy for them to talk about the say listen this is the condition that I'm facing and so on and so forth God's design is that when we enter into a marriage covenant as much as is practical and as much as is possible we should do our best to be in as healthy a condition happy a condition and holy a condition prior to entering the marriage covenant so we can foster the best example of what God intended for marriage this is foundation but a lot of us have much more shallow reasons for why we enter into America and so when we talk about foundations for a happy marriage we're talking about mankind womankind getting to a precious place that we understand that we should be as whole as possible secure in God before we move in to the marriage covenant and this is why we want to talk about 3 things we're going to talk about the 3 needs of humanity the 3 absolute needs if these 3 needs are not in place you should not get married there are many people that my wife and I have counseled with and in just a few discussions if they counseling with us we actually have said we don't recommend you get married again recommend you know we're not God You can do what you want but if you if you're coming to us we're not going to lie to you we're not going to try to present some flowery stuff to you because I can point to the right to my left to my front and to my back of how many people we know that have broken busted terrible unhappy unfulfilling marriages they are not hard to find the question is you know what's hard to find a couple who truly is happy in every sense of the word a couple who's experiencing holiness in every sense of the word. That they are both enjoying health 1 with another and they're able to expend that health 1 on another. In creating a very whole environment it's like finding a needle in a haystack and so there's no way in the world that you can come to us I'm just saying this doesn't want to anybody want to come to us if you want to come to us to talk about marriage counseling we don't have a problem with that but we want people to understand if you're gonna come to us we're going to tell you the truth and sometimes that truth is we we would not recommend that you go forward in marriage there are some things you need to work on right now work on these things 1st and then let's come back in this talk what's more difficult is establishing not establishing these things and getting married and then having children in the home and that creates a whole situation and then trying to go back to go forward is very difficult when you because typically at the beginning everything is fine even when you have these issues everything seems OK and then after a while maybe after several years you start you know you see things before but then it really manifests itself and then when the children are like in their teens and then that's when you really see these problems existing And you you think back me like what's going on have to go back and see these things weren't laid in the at the beginning and trying to. I have a teenager and setting them when they're set in their ways and dealing with it just creates a problem so it's actually easier as as hard as this sounds when you think about you know you finally meet someone that you are attracted to it and love and you think have it's easier to say no and wait than to get married and to deal with all these issues. And again it's almost the height of selfishness it is because as we talked about earlier we get married anyhow because we want what we want and stand that but we bring innocent people into the picture and they call children if you want to be confused you'll be confused but don't bring an innocent child into that mess because that child does not deserve that that child is supposed to have clarity in their home you know how strange it is when the wife wants to keep Sabbath and the husband doesn't that's a strange thing that's I was up with that hold up wait a minute the wife wants to have family worship but the husband does the husband wants to create a home atmosphere where the food that we put inside of our bodies produces healthy so we can have strong clear mind so we can understand God when He speaks the other person is a glutton and says I just want to eat what I want to eat that becomes a major problem in homes and this is what's happening in a lot of homes. And we don't understand the pain that it costs and then the children are going like this and they're looking left and the looking right now saying OK you're saying $1.00 thing you say in another you're living 1 thing and you're living another are brothers and sisters that's no that's not what God planned for you I can tell you right now without even knowing any of your situation if you and the person you are considering to marry if you are not in 1 accord in what the Word of God says and are seeking to live in harmony with what the Word of God says you have no business getting married right now you have no business getting married right. You're going to hurt not only each other you're going to hurt those precious innocent beings that did not ask to come into this world and did not ask to be brought into an environment of confusion the husband and the wife are to represent God to those children and it is imperative that the husband and the wife are united in thought feeling and actions so what are these 3 needs these 3 absolute essential needs every human needs these 3 things in their lives what are these 3 things I need. Love that's 1 thing to know that somebody is unconditionally committed to our best interest so notice that the 1st need is what. Love and the context of that is knowing that someone is on conditionally interested in that which is best for us love what is the 2nd what significance go ahead to know that our lives have meaning and purpose significance knowing that our lives have meaning and purpose every human being has these needs love having an unconditional care towards us for the best for us significance knowing that our lives have purpose what is the 3rd thing on the list security to be accepted and have a sense of belonging to be accepted and have a sense of belonging. Would you agree that everybody needs these 3 things Everybody needs love everybody needs a sense of significance everybody needs security would you call these legitimate needs you call it legitimate needs Yes you know is the. These are legitimate needs but 9 times out of 10 we see them to be fulfilled illegitimately. Is not a big These are 3 very legitimate needs we need love we need significance and we need security the problem is that these legitimate needs we are always seeking them illegitimately and you know how we do it by putting our expectations on our spouses or soon to be spouses to fulfill those needs for us do you know God's intention was that he and he alone would be the primary source to fulfill those needs 1 of the greatest challenges in marriage is today because of being built on false foundations. Is what we see unconditional love from our spouses we seek our significance from our spouses and we seek security from our spouses and if our spouses are disconnected from God and they do not provide these things for us it creates an atmosphere that we will begin looking for these things other places or harboring such bitterness anger and resentment that it causes constant arguing or it will get us to a place that we become so estranged that we don't even know how to communicate with our spouses anymore because they're not quote unquote meeting our needs it's very creates a toxic environment and this is the reason why I want to put it in different terms what I'm going to do is I'm going to put it in these terms of the letter age so if you do it by letter A We're going to call love adoration we're going to cause significant affirmation and we're going to cause security acceptance. These are the things that we are desperately seeking God and need God to provide to us if you are not and I counseled with a gentleman a few weeks ago and he's in a court ship and he wanted to ask me about this then the other and I said my brother I said Have you made god your sole source of love significance and security he said 1 out of the 3 I have done and my recommendation do not get married until God becomes all 3 to you because if you don't and if you move forward to get married anyhow you're going to put that legitimate need illegitimately on the person you want to marry and that's like a crushing weight that's like a crushing weight on a man's back you're putting an expectation on your spouse that your spouse should never have been obligated to fulfill that expectation here's the key we use the extension cord right in the extension cord example a husband and a wife are to be an extension of God's love affirmation and acceptance to our spouses we are to be an extension of God's love to each other but an extension cord in and of itself has no power the extension cord has to be plugged into the power source so the husband is not that the husband and the wife are not to demonstrate love significance and security to each other but we are extensions God is the source in OK Very good we are the extension but God is the power source now is it possible that a husband or wife at some times in marriage may be disconnected from God Is that possible oh yeah that's possible isn't it. So the question is What are you going to do in other words when a husband or wife are connected then it's like heaven on earth I mean you know we enjoy each other we laugh and we go and all sorts of things in life is just fantastic but then all it takes is my wife and myself neglecting devotions neglecting our communion with God when babies come in. It's very easy for your communion to start getting weaker with the Lord your prayer time Brother star saying oh man you got a baby or you got another great hold up another baby and then after a while brothers are like you know what this job that I have right now is not cutting it so either I need to get another job or I'm going to quit this job and I'm going to go ahead and start a business I'm going to do something where maybe I was already struggling maintaining my communion with God But now because I got to pay the bills and take care the children in the family I'm going to work myself so hard that I'm going to neglect my devotional time even more is this real talk and then what happens is we create an atmosphere where sometimes husband wife both are disconnected but do we still have those that didn't needs Yes the chief person to supply those needs of God But if we don't let God supply those needs and if we put that weight on each other when we're disconnected that is a formula for strife in our household This is why so those single brothers and sisters we highly highly encourage police before you get married you make sure that you are as stablished in God's love that you know you are significance through Christ. And your security is in him. Even when wife starts doing some strange things even when the husband starts doing some strange things you will never lower yourself you will never allow yourself to be demeaned because you know where your love significant insecurity comes from but if you don't know where that comes from we can set ourselves up for a terrible terrible fall in these last few minutes let's go ahead and do some practical steps with this number 1 how can we help establish ourselves in God's love knowing that he adores us what are some steps that we can do number 1. In Jeremiah 31 in verse 3 The Bible says I have loved you with an everlasting I like that it's a love that doesn't and I'm going to be honest with you 1 of the reasons why sometimes this verse is not enough is because for some of us God is still a fictitious character that exists in our mind in other words he's not very real to us but if you really do believe in God If you really believe in his existence then God lets us know that we should be completely satisfied in knowing that the Creator in the master of the universe has promised to love me with an everlasting love This love is not based on what you do that's sweet the love that God has towards us is a love that is not based on what you do the reason we know that is because Romans 5 Verse 8 it says While we were yet sinners God loved us it says in verse 10 while we were yet enemy as. God loved us now from a flat out bona fide sinner an enemy of God and God says I still love you then how much the more does he not love you when you are striving to be obedient to him though you may fall sometimes. It makes no sense to suddenly say well he doesn't love me anymore because I was I was trying to live right for him but I felt if I hold up that that contradict Scripture while we were living in flat out sin he loved us so certainly he loves you that much the more when you are striving to live in harmony with so what are some things that we can do to help build this in US number 1 study how he loved others study how he pursues the erring soul study how he treated others when they heard him study his dependence on the Father Jesus was totally dependent on the father teach me to be dependent like that study his compassion on the weak study his study life study his prayer life study his sacrifice for you personally if you keep these things in front of you they are all lessons of God's love towards you and these things will help keep you in those moments when you start feeling like nobody loves me we will remember John 1627 your Father in heaven loves. You must become settled that if nobody else loves me I know God loves me and that is enough and the more that you and I become settled in that you will know how to love even and unlovable spouse when you are secure in God's Love You know how to love even and on lovable spouse that's what God is looking for and it's not just looking for men to do it he's looking for women to do it remember the story of Abigail in a bar the Bible says neighbor was off. But Abigail loved that brother not Abigail could have said wait a minute this brother's a fool and I don't like him and I don't love him wow David's coming to kill him the Word of God allows me to remarry after my husband is dead. She could've said David's coming Well let me step out the way you David David just you know she could have just said David more power to you. There was only 1 thing that made Abigail do it she did Abigail risked her life to stop David in pursuit and speak to the king in him that he would not kill her husband Abigail was a symbol of Jesus a man who is totally worthy of condemnation but instead she wants to extend mercy to so please wives don't think for a moment that God is just calling the husband to love the while God wants you to love your husband God wants you to be so secure in his love that you can be loving even when he's not that's what happens when you're secure in God's love not only that affirm your significance in Christ our brothers and sisters these are all beautiful text Isaiah 43 in verse 1 tells us very clearly you are mine that's what God says He says you are mine in Solomon 391314 God says you are uniquely made you're not just like another creation is so incredibly special that the words that it uses that you're fearfully and wonderfully made not only that we are part of a royal family for the Bible says that we are a chosen generation and a royal priesthood a peculiar people and and holy nation not only that it is equal 16 for the way God walks through the story of how he saved Israel and God says When you were laying on the street would blood all over you and your umbilical cord wasn't even cut and everybody else walked by you in disgust God says When I but when I walk by you God says it was the time for love and God says and I chose you and I made you mine. God wants you and I don't understand that we are significant You are God's child you are part of the world family you are uniquely made when no 1 else wanted you the creator of the universe you and. Your significance is to be found in Him This includes when you gain weight after marriage and you don't have a nice figure anymore This includes when you get into a car accident your face gets disfigured This includes when you go through a disease and your body never or your face never looks the same anymore or maybe even your mind doesn't function as sharp as it used to where humanity will begin to treat you different God says you still special to me you're still significant to me you're still precious to me we must learn to find our significance in Christ but not only our love should be found in him not only our significance but finally our security as stablish your security and acceptance in Christ established family establish your security and acceptance in Christ notice this in Hebrew 13 in verse 5 God says I have a love you would notice to give me and he was 13 in verse 5 he says I will never leave you nor for sake you God makes it clear when everybody else might abandon you God says I'll never abandon and never set you aside he says I will always be your security I will protect you I will watch over you I will keep you I would like for you to study the book steps to Christ and when you study steps to Christ study the chapter of faith and acceptance study and study and know that you can have security in Christ that when you surrender your heart to him you are accepted into the bill I believe with all my heart my brothers and sisters. And I know my wife can attest show me a man is show me a woman that has God as their sole source of love significance and security you would have met a very stable man and a very stable woman mentally physically spiritually and emotionally and they are the ones that are best prepared to lavish someone else with love because they plug right into the right power source and this is the foundation for a happy marriage follow the Eden model followed the way that God designed it from the beginning not because we're lonely but if we are alone and there's a calling God has placed on our life and we're clear on it and if we realize the Lord for me to fulfill this calling I'm going to need a partner in this work the Lord will provide a help meet for you and when you both come together you not have your whole you have found your love significance and security in Jesus she has found her love significance and security in Christ and that creates an environment to produce a very happy babies some very happy children children who can grow up in a in a sound home where they have seen a demonstration of Jesus in the house and I believe it all in my heart that if we can set this foundation straight A lot of the other problems in life will be that much more easy to handle I say this both to those of you who are preparing for marriage but we also are saying it to those who are married and in our next session the reason why we entire that when you mess up how do you fix up is because we didn't know these principles we didn't understand these principles and so therefore what if my wife to see put expectations on me that she should never have done that what I do to my bride I put expectations on her that I never should have done there. And it caused pain in the cause cars Oh yes the Lord has healed and is continuing to heal even more and still more but God wants to save each and every 1 of us especially those of us preparing for marriage he says How about you don't go through this how about you do it better than other people have started and that's 1 of the privileges that my wife and I get to share with you question. Do we understand session 1 on the foundations for a happy marriage do we understand it do we understand it really are you willing to comply with it are you willing to comply. Is it your thought about a group of folks who love to hear is equal preach but is E.Q. said but they will not do the words that is if you say my brothers and sisters with as much respect as I can say I care not about your thoughts on the accuracy and power of the presentations or any of that the question is will you live this God wants your home to be happy he really 1 thing I ever I have discovered in Scripture is God really wants us to be happy. And there's a lot of sad Ventus. A lot of God's people are miserable and we just drenched ourselves in work and activities to just you know do things that can just block our miseries out and then we go into some of those dark indulgences like Brother Mike talked about earlier in all cases got to do that the Lord says he has a better plan and so we're going to do is going to bow our heads forward a prayer and we're just going to go ahead and ask the Lord to help us to take to heart these things and I want to encourage you to go home and study these things out tonight when this whole weekend is over that you study these things out and you consider carefully. What the Lord has to say let's pray Father in heaven we want to thank you for the blessings that we have you see we thank you so much for the wonderful words of life that you see. We praise you dear God for the foundations that you have given to us that we can have a happy marriage if we can let you be our source for love significance and security Lord I believe that you have prepare the way to establish a very happy home and I pray Dear God that you would do this for every married couple under the sound of my voice and especially do it for those who are caring for me. For we ask these things in Jesus name. Amen. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermons lead to visit W W W audio verse or.


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