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The Sacred Circle: Godly Love in the Home

Wes Peppers

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Wes Peppers

Pastor, Traverse City & Kalkaska, Michigan

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Recorded

  • February 18, 2017
    11:30 AM
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Father we thank you so much this morning for the opportunity to study your words we pray that as we look at this precious subject that your presence would be with us your presence would be close to us that you would draw sweetly near to our hearts we ask for your blessing in Jesus' name make us like you in our homes. In our workplace in the church everywhere we are Lord and we love each other as you have loved us we pray this in Jesus name Amen is a bit of information in this 1 but we won't tarry too long on anything will last week we talked about covenants vs contract marriage at some of you remember that last week and not just that but relationships and we had that pretty hard from the Book of Genesis and all of us are either in a contract or a covenant marriage or relationship is that true when you are involved in just relationships with other people you can have a covenant or a contract relationship and I'm not going to go through all these again I went through them last week but didn't want to hit the 2 bottom ones a contract marriage or relationship demands joy through mutual benefit in other words I'm in this relationship because you're satisfying a need that I have a member that we talked about that and then also a a person will say I'll meet your needs as long as you meet what my need right that's a contract a covenant relationship however seeks joy through mutual what sacrifice not what you can do for me but what I can do for you amen that's the Lord's plan the circle of life is that I give and receive but giving comes once 1st Amen and also the and the contract relationship you have this concept of that I will split you into but that at the Seri to get what I need or to defend my and protect myself remember that we saw that from Genesis 2 in Genesis 3 in Genesis 2 God established between Adam and Eve a covenant relationship but in chapters 31 sent came into the picture it brought about a what contrasts and that woman whom Adam was so ready to love and chapter 2 he was ready to throw out of the bus in chapter 3 right he said all the woman you gave me she's the 1 to blame and so sin always will carry us from a covenant relationship to what. Through a contract relationship but the good news is that in Genesis 315 because both Adam and Eve had entered into that contract relationship God said I will make a covenant with both of you and I will be the 1 that will be split into for your sake some of your thankful for that and he's done the same thing for each 1 of us and so the only true success in marriage is going to come when God is at the winds the foundation when he's at the center if we are both looking up towards Jesus in the marriage then we're both going to be drawn closer to him and as we're drawn closer to him we're drawn closer to to each other and then I mean thank you for that now we're going to talk about that today is 5 areas of the covenant relationship of covenant marriage 5 areas now let me out help you understand in 1 sermon you cannot cover everything OK I'm going to hit the core of the core and do my best to do that there's many books by the way I want to recommend some books to you I'm glad I said then. There's a lot of great books out there and I'll give you a list of books next Sabbath but I always want to recommend this book right here the Adventist home if you do not read this book in your home in your family your marriage please do so immediately like today make this the number 1 book this is a powerful book that has powerful principles also the last 4 chapters of the book ministry of healing the last 4 chapters deal so powerfully with relationships both marriage and others and if you've ever seen this book The 5 Love Languages some of you see in this book before you can get it just about anywhere you can buy it at my or anywhere a beautiful book very very powerful here's a book that the conference sums to thankful in the Michigan conference on our anniversary they actually send us some kind of book or D.V.D. every year that will enhance our marriages and this is the book they sent us this year it's a really wonderful book called A life long love by Gary Thomas and then here's a book I'm not necessarily pointing to this book but Willard F. Harley there's a book called his need hers needs also by the same author any books by this gentleman are very good there's lots of books out there but these are some of the ones that have blessed us in a very special way so I want to encourage you to do that now we can't cover everything as I mentioned but I do want to hit these 5 points the 5 areas of a covenant marriage is number 1 is what friends commitment what is it again commitment please turn your Bibles to Matthew Chapter 19 Matthew Chapter 19. And we're going to start in verse $5.00 and $6.00 Matthew Chapter 19 verse $5.00 and $6.00 notice what it says this is what Jesus speaks of we're going to start will start verse 4 here it says and he answered and said to them add you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said For this reason a man it shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the 2 should become 1 what 1 flesh we talked about this last week and that word 1 flesh means. Which means 1 and unity together is the plural form of 1 so we maintain our individuality in marriage yes or no but we are still yet 1 then he says so then they are no longer 2 but 1 flesh therefore what God has joined together let not man do what separate Now you heard those words all the time in a marriage ceremony right with God is going to go at no man separate but that includes both and the other man and yourselves can you cause yourselves to separate what do you think and God wants us to not separate but he wants us to be 1 go at me real quickly we're not going to read every verse I have but I do want to look at this 1 proverbs 5 and verse 14 and Soames here proverbs 5 and verse 14 Look here this is very very powerful. He says verse 14 through 18 I was on the verge of total ruin in the midst of the assembly and the congregation sometimes our marriage is like that isn't it and we're tempted to start looking elsewhere wrist tempted to start looking for the grass seems to be greener on the other sign you know why often the grass seems to be greener on the other side 1 of 2 reasons either it simply seems to be more green but when you get over there it's not as green as you thought it was right and when you cross that line you're in big trouble but not only that if it if it is greener on the other side is because your neighbor's been watering and fertilizing is grass and if you are in fertilize your grass it will also be what Amen yes or no absolutely all right verse 15 drink water from what's your own cistern not your neighbors now your coworkers drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well should your foundations be dispersed abroad streams of water in the streets let them be only your own and not for strangers with you but your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your wants of your youth and you can read on there on your own I'm not going to read all those things but you can read on but drink from your own what Sister and be determines to be what committed to each other and then notice this statement from ministry of healing page $360.00 it says though difficulties perplexities and discouragements arise let neither husband or wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Don't raise your hand but how many times have you ever thought to yourself Boy did I make a mistake when I got married to this person the council is Do not let your thoughts go to that it doesn't matter what your circumstances are you with me determine do what determined to be all that is possible to be to each other continue the early attentions we talk about that in every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life study to advance the happiness of each other let there be mutual love mutual forbearance then marriage instead of being in the end of love will be as it were the very beginning the warmth of true friendship beloved that binds heart to heart as a foretaste of the joys of have my me being those are beautiful words this morning Do not let the faut enter your mind and if it does benefit immediately that your marriage was a mistake that is 1 of the 1st steps to the eternal downfall of a marriage or you with me but I do it the matter how big your difficulties are don't use the word. We did not follow I'll just be a little bit vulnerable here in our fairy 1st year of marriage we had some struggles just like everybody else does the reality is every marriage struggles from the conference President to the pastor of the church member we're going to have disagreements I'm more concerned about people who say we don't have any disagreements and those who say we do. The true issue is how do you handle those disagreements right and in our youth and in our own our foolishness our 1st year of marriage we used to say oh if you don't like it just divorce me and you're half joking you're kind of you know you understand you're sort of serious but you're joking right you're not really serious but here's the thing even if you're joking it puts the thought in the mind doesn't it and we came to a place very early in our marriage and we said you know what we are not going to use that word anymore we're not even going to think about it because the more you say it doesn't matter if you're teasing or not the more it becomes and solidified in your mind don't even talk about it may cave mutual covenant not to say the word and that that will that will give you a huge advantage huge leverage in your marriage OK Secondly commitment to choose to love and in the in the bad way when things get hard things are going to get hard in marriage what do you think. I remember when I had cancer my wife was so faithful and caring for me I was in the hospital sick she ran the House wouldn't have kids then thankfully she ran the house she worked a full time job she would get up early in the morning and work all day and then she would come down to the hospital and stay with me till midnight or later only to drive home sleep for 3 or 4 hours get up and do it again she did this for months she was so faithful and the most difficult of times when you're faithful when you choose to commit to each other you will be drawn closer to each other it regardless of your differences it regardless of your differences don't go to your parents or unqualified others about your problems some of you might disagree with that but that's OK The Lord will open your eyes it's very easy the Bible says when the 2 come together they do want. They leave parents behind that doesn't mean you don't you don't have a relation with them of course but it means that your problems or your problems. Go to God and to each other don't go talking to your mother ladies go go talk to your father or mother or either 1 only counsel with a pastor a professional counselor more talk more about this a little bit but don't go to your parents or unqualified others about your problems I thought more about that someone going the Society says that when things get too hard I have a right to walk away society says I have a right to be happy God says you will only find happiness through holiness and holiness is where you find our marriage is 1 place where you find holiness Now if you're not married that doesn't mean you can't be holy OK but marriage has a pretty good job of working on us to make us holy if we're single we have other things God will do that and he'll bring us into that as well oh I have a right to walk away but you covenanted with that person stick it out a man now if you're being abused of course that is the way to the exception. But also includes doing those things that you don't like to do when it will help or meet the need of your spouse just last night my wife smiling I asked for permission to share the story and we were getting the children ready for bed and my wife says could you shower Levi while I get Leon ready and I said no and I said no because here's the thing I love my children I love the play with my children but I don't like doing the baths stuff I just don't like it because I always get way to remember the time I came home for just an hour to help my wife real quick and I had on a suit and I was on my way to the board meeting and I'm in there showering my son and he says to me can I hold that the little shower of the O. and I says yeah but don't spray the what does he do he turns at me. And you know normally like if they hit you like you're Oh get off where he was so shocked he just stood there and I'm like China. I just don't like the Beth thing but I do it because I love and so my wife says I see she says well why not and I said because I don't really care to do it it's not easy for me I don't like getting wet and she says real kindly real sweetly as if it's really easy for me also and the Holy Spirit said it in there. And give the boy a shower Amen. But doing the things that you don't like because you know it will bless them and you love them and that's what love is it is sacrificing that which I prefer to do for that which will bless others guard your thoughts I mention this a little bit about the D. word focus on what is good the Bible says that said grimly is 14 and 5 for the weapons of our workfare not carnal but mighty and God for pulling down strongholds casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knobs of God And notice this bringing everyone every thought into the captivity to the obedience of Christ so this is the truth that through the grace of God through the Spirit of God Every 1 of our thoughts can be brought in to tap to Vittie to the obedience of Christ that doesn't mean if I have bad thoughts I'm not doing that it means when I have a bad thought I'm choosing what to do with it and I can choose either to harbor that or I can choose to let it go captive to the Lord Jesus Amen so that's a cut in relationship and so guarding our thoughts don't sit around thinking about the negatives focus on the what. And if you can't do that I ask God to help you and man commitment praying together and asking God to teach you how to love each other my wife and I have prayed that prayer before early in our marriage we said Lord teach us how to love each other love has to be learned respect has to be learned these things have to be learned and as sinful carnal creatures we do not know how to do it except that God plant a new seed a new heart in our hearts and he transforms us and if you will pray together asked the Lord to do that he will do it I've seen it happen all right number 2 1st 1 was what commit a number 2 radical honesty and communication you can write this verse down the thesis for this is the rest of the verse from our scripture reading today you can read that I'm going to let you read them but honestly I want to talk about honesty for just a minute there's your spouse have a right to know about your private life if yes they do are there any secrets in marriage no you know if you have a best friend outside of marriage and let's say you're unmarried and you have a best friend outside do you keep any secrets from them usually. Not usually I mean you might not typically So then what if your your spouse is your best friend should we do that or he suppose is there such a thing as a private life and marriage I ask that should a spouse know who we've been with that day we think they have a right to that and we just tell you that on the flipside does a spouse have a right to be accusatory. And to be going through your stuff without your permission and to be suspended reasonably suspicious What do you think know there has to be a mutual want agreement with this now tell you my wife has all the passwords for my Facebook account or my e-mail account she has access to my phone at any time she can pick up my phone and she can flip through it at her pleasure and I'll tell you gentleman I didn't always have that thought or that feeling because a man doesn't like people to know what he's doing you know I'm saying man just want you know like I hate cell phones because I'm like I don't want people knowing where I'm at every 2nd of the ads not that I'm doing anything wrong I just want be Mo man this just is just how men are and wives we have to understand that about men too now we're not keeping secrets but at the same time there has to be a mutual agreeing with this understand what I'm saying don't wives don't go home say well the pastor said Pray about it you know Stan pray about it all right how about communication understanding is the most important element full attention is what's crucial when you're communicating we need to put stuff away I have a bad habit of this and my wife will tell you that I'm always not always but often on my phone and I am not often listening to her as much as I should and I'm working on that I believe it's gotten better Lord's help me with I have worked on it I've asked the Lord to help me and he's helped me when you're communicating friends speak for who yourself not for the other person don't say I know what your thinking is you don't. Because I've said that my wife before I know what you're thinking and she's no you don't yes I do I know you it we always come to the same thing here and she says no what am I thinking I'd tell him it's exactly wrong exact opposite right don't mind read speak for yourself how you feel don't assume how the other person feels just a few little tips here talking in small chunks stop and listen and then paraphrase repeat it back to the person don't go off for 45 minutes and then expect that person if you really want them to understand member What's the most important thing is what understanding so we talk in shorter spurts and the person is able to rephrase because I can't tell you how many times my wife will say something to me and I think she means 1 thing and she means another and vice versa I'm of you found this to be true in your marriage or you're thinking Oh I know what she's thinking here but really that's not was she thinking often we can sometimes react to what we think they're saying rather than what they're really saying and that causes a problem in itself doesn't it very very problematic watch your tone and body language because of the natural fluctuation of my voice I can tend to sound like I'm being challenging and often I am challenging I'm a very challenging person. Avoid the turn of phrase as what are eternal phrases you always you never and I mean I'm not saying you can't use them but use them how positively you're always so faithful in this here You're never doing this to me with something bad right use them positively don't use them negatively right be careful about withdrawing and silence some how many of you know somebody that just with drawls and silence and you just step out and he says I can't talk to you right now. And you know what that's actually an OK thing to do if you're in a place mentally where you're not OK or talk about that issue then it's OK to withdraw but you know it to that person to do want to come back and say OK I'm ready to talk goal and be by yourself if you need them but then come back the Bible says Let not the sun go down on your rap don't just ignore for a few days and then pretend like things are OK after that because things are not OK in a stand they're not Oh but come back within that $24.00 hours and don't nag or criticize now I can say all these things and you're like oh yeah I know all this stuff but here's the thing God keeps bringing things back to us now because we don't know them because we don't do them in a stand what happens is God will present us with a principle that wants us to practice in our life and we often get away from it and we don't do it right and then we think oh I do something new because that's not working for me you know I'm talking about what God wants us to do that which he gives us not to be always seeking for something new found Proverbs 21 in 27 it talks about the fact that living with a contentious woman is like a dripping faucet. But I would add in there that it's the same for a man you understand as a critical man is like and as like a dripping faucet so I'm not does apply it to the ladies here but man men don't like to be nagged and women don't like to be criticized and neither like either really understand but it tends to flow more of those sides are you with me so strive not to be doing those things ask the Lord Jesus to help you and he will when you fall into these habits they're very hard to break or the very hard to break take time at the end of the day to talk on a general basis and don't let the sun go down without a solution or at least a was at least a prayer to say hey we can't and some of us day but we're going to continue we're going to ask the Lord to bless us and to help it take ownership and apologize you know for I'll tell you guys some of you guys are going to all about us but I only tell you the things that the Lord is helping us fix Amen but for years I've cleared all this with my wife she's good with it all for years I would do a foolish thing and my wife would be not happy about it and then she would bring it to my attention and then I would say oh honey on very sorry about that but the but but this this and this and I would try to explain to her why what I did wasn't intentional because in my mind I wanted her to know that I would not do that intentionally to hurt you so it makes sense now men does not sound grey like I want her to know that I'm not intentionally doing this to her so I have to explain everything out well guess 1 that didn't work and for years I thought I don't understand why she doesn't she doesn't understand this but then. I figured it out and the Lord just kind of like 1 day just you know just the light switch and I realized that that was a very foolish thing to do and we talked about it and I said I didn't realize that you don't need that she says no I don't she says I already know that you love me and will not intentionally try to hurt me I don't need to tell me that I just want to say I'm sorry that I hurt you and I was like. I just I mean I just couldn't believe it when you know what that that was a blessing in our home it was a blessing in our whole women sometimes men you know the famous thing with women bust there are all of our hearts is that they want a man to guess what they're thinking and feeling so that it helps them feel good about it but ladies please it's not just your man that doesn't get it it's every man. So don't think oh it's just my job my husband just all the other men of the earth give it but my husband know all the other men don't in most cases it's the truth and you just need to tell them what you're thinking you understand just tell them Don't try to get it's better if you just tell them and then they can do it then do not tell them it all right and men you understand that ladies are going to say it's fine once not fine and when you hear the words it's fine you better know that it's not alright don't mind read their what friends communicate Amen I remember my grandmother years ago had surgery and she had had breast cancer and she have a major surgery and she was very. She was very. You know needful of help and she was able to get up and get around but my grandfather used to go to the flea market on the weekends and he asked her Are you OK if I go to the flea market what does she say oh it's fine and he went and she was very upset about that and she could not open the jar of peanut butter for her toast and let me tell you she took that as the greatest wound like the greatest horrible thing that he could do to her and for years she held bitterness and resentment towards my grandfather because of a jar of peanut butter now was in a jar of peanut butter but you get the point you understand so on his end he should have known this is my friend she needs my help I'm going to sacrifice this thing to be with her right foot on her and she should learn how to watch her give communicate and also her give right we all have to learn these things and if we learn them our homes are much better so what do we communicate about well communicating about Major what decisions gentlemen don't come home with a new car or a new truck when you haven't talked about it don't go buy a new house don't go out and buys something that costs a lot of money talk about it 1st a man finance. You know I'm going to say that my wife told me Be careful how you say this show I'm going to try we do not have separate accounts we do not have separate accounts and I'm not rebuking those that do and in some situations I might actually save the marriage but I don't recommend it. Because you're doing your thing in there and it's is this another way to be separate it's better to talk it through and we have something we call free money or Mad Money where you have a certain amount of money per month an allowance or allotment that you can spend without giving an account for it to the other person makes sense but as far as everything else goes where a house where a household where a family unit stand very important and always remembering proverbs 151 a soft answer turns away. Wrath a soft answer terms a way to back it you want to disarm your spouse's anger don't be anger than them don't speak out in that speech beat beat beat beat speak softly It's very very powerful All right number 3 I want to go to Proverbs quickly chapter 31 and we're going to talk a little bit about trust and respect Proverbs 31 verses 11 and 12 I love this passage right here and this doesn't just apply to the woman or the mammoth it applies to both Proverbs 31 and verse 10 through 12 it says who can find a virtuous wife for her work is far above rubies and look at this the heart of her husband safely wots trusts her so he will have no lack of gain and notice verse 12 she does him good and not evil all the days of her life I mean can say Amen this works both ways not just for 1 of the other but seeking to do each other wants good because the Lord Jesus has done good for WHO us and then that spouse is the law boards property and men and men notice this ministry of healing you guys do it OK. We're not too far off a round every family there is a sacred watt circle that should be kept and broken with this circle no other person has a right to come you hear that let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong soley to who sells this is 1 of the biggest problems in marriages today there is a circle that is sacred and it is to be what friends I'm broke and I want to look at this they enter a circle is who God you and who your spouse and if you notice I put a pretty thick border around that circle why because no 1 else is to do what come in after all that there are not your father not your in laws not brothers or sisters not friends not even to children and I'm going to take a minute to say this and you may disagree with me but that's OK but more and more research is finding that 1 of the problems we have encountered with marriages in the last 30 to 40 years as in these modern times we have entered this age where the children come erst they used to not be that way they used to be that the spouse came 1st and what's the most common statement of of husbands when couples sit in Marab counseling I've heard it dozens of times and councils I've talked to have heard it I feel like I am 1 it neglected because of the 1 of the children you ought to take care of that marriage before you take care of those children and why is that. Because if you don't you raise self-centered children for 1 and the older they get they think that they have a right to you over your spouse and you are and on the flip side if you do put the spouse 1st it models to your children what a marriage a loving marriage ought to look like and they see that and they realize that they're not the center of the universe they ought to be loved they ought to be cared for they ought to be whatever but they ought to see you doing that for your spouse 1st and then and then comes your children so the children don't even get in here then there's the extended family and then there's friends of coworkers and acquaintances I said this last week and I'll say it again every time you have a disagreement and there is a need and your relationship that does not get met here's what happens Satan will be sure to bring someone else across your path that will attempt to counterfeit it. Why because Satan wants you to your attentions and your affections to be drawn away from your spouse to that person and if he can get just an inch that's all he needs you understand if you can star even if you never reach the point of adultery if your affections are not on your spouse that love is not going to exist it's not going to deepen it's not going to grow and then that's where commitment comes in I have to tell you that I am so thankful for my wife because I am I watch or not watch her but I have noted I see her through the years she does not let people in the cool she doesn't give other men the time of day she's very business with men and friends let me tell you ought to be business with the opposite sex you understand that. You're not we're not we're not we're not gaining affections here we're business with the opposite sex a mention that again here in a minute but trust Let's talk about trust real quick following through on what you say you will do for my wife it is big if I say I'm going to be home at 530 I need to be what home at 530 if I say oh I'm going to play with the kids for this amount of time it's important to her that I fulfill that promise if I'm say I'm going to fix the garbage disposal which I did and didn't then didn't do for 6 months I did this did it this week I didn't the Thursday it's important that I do there you are standing and sometimes circumstances happen that are beyond our control by the grace of God We ought to keep our words that will go HUGE in a marriage where you think even in the little things even the little things notice this really now was to talk about respect real quick ministry of healing page 361 it says neither husband or the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary wants control do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes you cannot do this and retain each other's love the kind patient for bearing considerate and courteous by the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy as in your marriage value promise to do so understand this there is the tax in Scripture in Timothy that says Wives submit to your want. But the only condition for that is if the husband loves his wife as Christ has loved the church if you are arbitrarily trying to control your spouse and you are trying to get them to do things that are contrary to their conscience they have a mess and from scripture that they do not have to obey you. When we get married we do not lose our individuality we maintain it it's the understand if it's if it's cause for abuse mentally physically emotionally then we have our 1st loyalty is to the living Christ who has brought our marriage together you understand that your wife your husband is not bound to do things that would satisfy your lower passions or to put you in a morally compromising place etc You understand that we have to maintain our individuality you cannot coerce love you cannot force that you see so here's a few practical things on respect don't this is big for my wife and big for me too don't embarrass your spouse in public I can't tell you how many times I've seen this don't demean them don't talk about their weaknesses or shortcomings and front of others don't talk about what they have a comp with they haven't accomplished and the jokes at their expense that creates big time fractures in your home and in any relationship it doesn't matter if you're single you have a fiance your parents whoever it doesn't matter who it is all very important but do talk positively about them talk about their good character traits and talk about their accomplishments and many other things this will cause you to love them more the more positive you say about your spouse the more you're going to adore them and appreciate them yes or no if you're always talking negative about somebody then hey all you're going to see is the negative but if you train and ask the Lord to help you talk about the positive it was also help shun attempts by others to in appropriately enter that circle mark my words when you talk negatively about your spouse in public there are people who are listening who are Satan INS agent. And when you do this actually you're violating that sacred circle in a stand. And when you speak negatively about your spouse there there are people who will listen to you who will say I've been have my eye on her for some time she's unhappy in her marriage if I could just get close to understand what I'm saying but when I go on a plane I there's When I travel stuff I'm telling you there's people that that approach will approach you and the quickest and best way to repel that person is and don't misunderstand what I'm saying here and I'm not I'm not being negative about people that choose this it's your conscious but that wedding band. Doesn't repel satans Asians. In fact research has found that it draws them understand me it draws them but the quickest and the best way to repel those kind of things is to say you know have I shown you a picture of my wife and I shown you a picture of my husband I told you about my kids have I told did I tell you what my spouse did for me last week my goodness I'm so open with them I just so thankful for them the Lord has blessed me with them and they have richly endowed me God is richly endowed me with the blessing of that spouse Amen and let me tell you every time I've done that they're gone they're gone I mean I've read that already I mention that how about adoring and treasuring men like to be adored and ladies like to be treasured and then men like that affection men like to know that their wives love then and then they like to know that their their spouse appreciates them women like to know that their husbands care about them and treat them with kindness and love are you with me a man. Dealing with for tasteless people want marriage just mentioned some of those things but here's what I would suggest you should not be alone with the opposite sex if you can help it when I counsel with ladies in my office either I have a woman in there or the door's open you should not be behind closed doors with someone who's not your spouse of the opposite sex is just the bottom line if you could follow that rule that would cut out almost all of the all the problems quality time Jesus says if you will I knock on the door and he who opens a fuel he will come in and I will do what with him I will suffer with him spending quality time with each other so important grow quickly Number 1 we should do our out schedule it if you're very home if you're busy people in this day and age let me say it is not showing an love or can use that phrase if you schedule your spouse in a movie ladies would love it if your husband's busy calendar he would just write you in on an hour a day and he would love that see ladies would love that because then they know they have it in their minds that hey this hour is mine I meant so schedule it that quality time communicate it be caring when you're doing it courtship keep it I've talked about that a little bit commitment decided remember all the things you did when you were courting and do them again all right during that quality time you should have a cell phone jail throw those cell phones in a box and get rid of them a man. Because you know if you say if you make the cell phone rule then you then you can sit there on your computer or your i Pad to watch out on the phone right now no get rid of it all and have real family want. Have roof family top ima have a real talk where you're actually 6 and across from each other interacting this is what's recommended for married couples 30 minutes per day minimum 1 night a week on a date night 1 day a month 1 weekend per quarter and 1 with per year now some people may say well we can't do all that and that's that's understandable in this day and age but at least striving for this right here in men at least striving for that by the grace of God and then the 5th 1 is once intimacy it's what you guys awake with me still All right we're almost through here there's 3 areas of intimacy there is spiritual intimacy which we've talked about it's extensively in the last couple weeks there's intellectual and emotional intimacy which is built up by doing these other things that we've talked about today and then of course there's physical and we'll leave that to the books and Song of Solomon you can you can read about that yourself to me tell you gentleman gentleman without these 2 right here these 3 I should say spiritual intellectual and emotional the wife will not be interested in the 3rd 1 this won't happen you connect in those 3 ways and that's what ladies Sometimes men just need that physical intimacy remember that your spouse is your greatest What friend you don't for a long time I saw my wife as my spouse but not always my friend and the Lord just opened up hey she's your friend. You need to love her and treat her that way and then as we treat them as we treat our friends the world will bless us ministry of healing again let each give love rather than Watts exacting in cultivate that which is noblest in yourself and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other the consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction how if you love it when people compliment you that's what love is simply and respect encouraged striving after excellence and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims remember friends to give each other what grace Your spouse needs a savior just like you do and every time you seek to criticize and condemn remember that you don't always get it right either yes or no give grace to each other Matthew 1819 remember it we read this last week Jesus says if 2 or 3 of you can agree on Earth concerning any thing it shall be done for you by my Father in Heaven and then so remember this by then trying to put your spouse in their place try putting yourself in their place. And you can say men kind of quiet out there either time to go or convicted or what if my situation isn't ideal I understand sometimes we don't have a Christian spouse sometimes a Christian spouse has major problems sometimes we prayed and pray and it doesn't always work how what do we have to remember we still have to remember that your spouse has a what. They have a choice and they may not choose that we can't make our spouses do anything that they don't want to do understand it it's not our fault if they choose Don't choose the covenant relationship you understand then don't beat yourself up if they're not choosing it don't say what am I not doing right because it's not always about that in a stand they have a choice and you can pray for them but sometimes they're going to choose the opposite path and if that happens in your relationship Isaiah 54 says your maker will be your husband your spouse and men and you know there's times in every marriage no matter how good or bad it is that we have to claim that promise from Isaiah $54.00 your nacre is your BIOS your holy The Holy 1 of Israel and he will not leave us or forsake us amen go home and read that chapter it's very very powerful God may have to step in Notice this very powerful from the Book of Acts the Apostles the spirit furnishes the strength that sustains striving wrestling souls and every emergency amid the hatred of the world the realisation of their own failures and mistakes in sorrow and affliction when the outlook seems dark and the future perplexing and we feel helpless and alone never felt that way you want to raise your hand these are the times when an answer to the prayer of faith the Holy Spirit brings comfort to the heart in that so we cannot lose hope we cannot lose heart we cannot despair and remember just because our marriage isn't where we want it to be doesn't mean it's not sacred or good and just because we have a disagreements doesn't mean the marriage is failing it means that we are what. It means that we are growing a man and the marriage is about 2 personalities coming together to be like Christ and why do we want to give up on that yes but don't make the mistake if you're struggling to come and talk to me I'm happy to visit with you but I want you to understand this too don't wait until it's too late to get help I've had couples come to me and they say it's too late for us why is it too late why are you here then if it's too late people and sometimes people wait until they reach the last straw don't do that find help sooner love is not about finding the right person but creating a right relationship a man it's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you'll have to the end the older the violin the sweeter the want the music and then that can be true in our homes and I want to ask you a few questions here do I really want my family to be like Jesus some of you can say yes to that today these are anything in me that resists the thought of growing to be like Jesus is that your case if it is you can surrender of him today what matters the most to me does my family see in me what is really important in life what am I willing to invest for them to be like Jesus what am I willing to endure for them to be like Jesus. What am I willing to lay on the altar for them to be like Jesus do I really understand the responsibility that God has placed on my life with my family and my teachable am I willing to let God and godly people teach me will I commit to pray about all that I do and submit to God's will and I willing to start the day I mean you are willing to start today and then the last promise if you've made mistakes. You certainly gain a victory if you see these mistakes and regard them as beacons of warning thus you turn defeat into victory disappointing your enemy and honoring your Redeemer of you today want to have that experience Yes And again I want to say to each person who are ever you are we have I understand that we have broken home sometimes I understand that we have folks sort of divorce I want you to know today that I am not coming down on those situations that everybody here but I want us to know that wherever we are whether it's in that place to any end of the spectrum and he wants to bring healing to our hearts strength to our allies and he wants to put us on the path that will lead to everlasting life Amen he wants us to be drawn close to each other sometimes we don't have a family but we have a church family yes and all these things relate to the church family as well how many believe that So today as we close home if you want to have that covenant relationship and whatever pace in life you are Yes amen this media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more service leave a Visit W W W audio 1st or.

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