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1. We Are What We Think

Dr. Sung Hyun Um Jewel Um




  • June 19, 2017
    8:00 AM
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Our father we're church in heaven we're. Here be able to hear your words of encouragement in the way that we can change our lives to be more like you would. Thank you you truly are jarred your own life we want you to do that now. Good afternoon everyone. And I made a brief syllabus for everybody. Just to help you to follow along with the messages that I prepare for all of you today. Since today's the 1st day of our seminar we have 5 days in all together this is the 1st day of our seminar today. We do all the groundwork so it's going to. I'm afraid that I'm not giving you too much of the information but I want to give you enough data us from the Word of God and are so from psychology in that. We would make sure that we have a solid foundation when it comes to the whole topic of renewing of our mind. I chose this topic to share this week because over the past 20 some years of counseling you know in the past or setting I came to realize that native people all many people struggle Strongbow with the distorted thinking in their brain Nenni people struggle with the law that they believe in. And so I truly truly come to realize that you know we need the Word of God We need the wisdom from God and we need we need all the help we can get to get to the truth about ourselves and truth about. Truth in terms of the way we need to look at things I mean the perspective of things and so I would like to really Tadic it is time to build upon the Asian to do just that renewal room of our mind and scripture that came to me is from Romans have to talk to right let's all read that together if you're able to look at it do not conform any longer to the pattern of this word but be transform by the renewing of your mind isn't it amazing that God wants to transform our lives and then the place where God begins to transformation is in our What in our mind wow you know. He didn't hours to a change or diet even though diet is important you know I mean it's all part of God's transformation. We truly truly believe that God wants to hear us and God wants to transform us in a way that we bring rightful worship to him and that begins with our mind and that's what it means when he says let us work reason together him it was so renewing of our mind is something that God desires to bring to each and every 1 of our lives so that we may not only experience freedom in our lives are so to reach to the maximum level of a joy and peace and the productivities and the happiness that God wants us to experience in a way that we would be fruitful for him in men in men and men and then the 2nd Scripture that I chose for today's topic is found in the problems have to 23 verse 7 You become what you think you become what you think No wonder God wants to renew our mind because what how we think and what we think of the stuff that we are thinking about our perception is of 1 that are facts the way it's going to shape who I am as the person because I am what I think that's a powerful powerful statement from God's work a power of thoughts and perceptions as briefly I want to go over you have it in your syllabus Epictetus Greek refer awesome for says something like this really profound man artist stirred not by what things but by the what the youth a take of them why. Man are disturbed by the way we view things that's amazing that's amazing so then our viewpoint has to change so the Word of God becomes very powerful in that when the Word of God helps us to what change to we view what the new things oh wow you know God may not even need to change our circumstances actually God is less interested in changing our circumstances than the change the way we view things change the way we are change the way we think the way we perceive things God is more interested in changing the inside of us rather than the what outside of US image while we play of all we need about the things outside of us that are out of control and yet God says you know what there is something you have in control is what has what's happening inside of you and I want to change that Gary smally says something like this very powerful let's all read that together it is not me OK It is not what happens or a exists that affects us it's how we look at and respond to what happens or exists or wow it's not what happens that hurts us even it's not what happens that hurts us but it is how we look at things how we interpret things how we perceive things that would hurt us and that would attack us in a way that is true there is a theory called confirmation bias so what do you see here what do you see here about thinking what you see of our or you become why you think what you see hear what is confirmation bias look like come on don't be shy it gets bigger and whatever and a lot of thinking OK OK you need to look at. What this confirmation bias sad you see this guy in his brain his already thinking what in his brand his already thinking world clouds. You see that in his brain is already thinking cloud and therefore when you look at things he only says we're. Here already and he says what he already saw in his brain it's either that you see you see what you think you see what you perceive. In you know the selective hearing you hear what you want to hear. What you don't want to hear or are you never told me that you know and we hear what we want to hear you know even the speaker has nothing to do with it never said that but we end up hearing what we want to hear that crazy and so and that's kind of goes along well with confirmation bias you already saw the clouds so you end of seeing the clouds this is what confirmations theory says it regardless of what we believe about someone whether positive or negative we will find evidence to support that the with and then once you once you once you think once you determine in your mind that your husband is a J E R K. OK Once you determine that your husband is a selfish guy in the whole were he's nice to other people but horrible to me once you begin to think that way then you will far and what evidence is of it. I've seen people coming to make my counseling and then telling me on and on and on and on about their husband and then after hear them I'm it makes me feel without hearing the other guy makes me feel a man he's a real bad guy. And then the trouble is that when I met him but he's a nice kid says Guy ever. So what's the trouble we we see what we want to see and then we end up seeing that we are already perceiving in our mind our mind is more than Paul. I want to tell you this on the early onset of a conversation today unless unless we are allowed our faith in Christ. Cracks our mind our fate will not go any farther we need to allow our hate we need to our of our or lower paid relationship with Christ to of track the way we think in our brain discount have a major impact on your relationship with your loved ones as well you know my son bought a car that I never knew existed Honda Element so of you know that car the box car you know the car for the surfer right and I never knew such a car existed when I when I saw that car this is a car ever you know as I our inner grandpa's car is so much creativity right but then my son 1 of their car and then I bought in their car and guess what ever since my son bought their car I was driving around and there's only. 1 that I want is really where. Why because I began to have this what I sayd for element. And then I began to see things that I ended up seeing being registered in my brain so our faith in Jesus Christ need to impact our brain impaired our mind in to really allow our mind to be in her 1st in such a way that out thoughts and minds and perception to be captivated by God And when that happened evil nothing changes around us and when things begin to change inside of us then we didn't to see a new pair going to New York. And met in order for us to see a new haven't a new hurt we need to be new people in the war and God renew us change US car transform us by changing the way we view things AMEN AMEN AMEN So with that in mind and this guy. To see confirmation bias win this war in which to it yeah the wind is blowing the other way but he's already thinking the wind is blowing what the other way. And says what he's already determined to see in his mind to renew our minds. We need to start with this amazing concept that is applicable to so many other things yeah I only made 50 copies and I didn't have enough 8. The compass. Yeah I need to renew my mind. And then yeah last year we had 30 people so they put me in a bigger room and so you know what after we finish the class I'm going to you know make more copies OK someone wants to give up your copy and that would be great share if you can share of Cape May be both of you can. Be great. That OK OK OK. OK Let's let's have people share OK I'm going to go ahead OK so now. Truth about there are truth there is a truth that we need to understand about 3 things I mentioned here in your syllabus douby very helpful truth about self-worth truth about self-worth and truth about self identity and the next 1 is truth about what our system our system how. How the South were and saw a navy and power system would be formed it's talking about in a whole nation of Europe parts. So I study on this and then I found some fascinating things so so I wanted to kind of wait on me a little bit because to get to the conclusion it's going to take some time OK I'm going to build something not on psychology primarily but on the Word of God OK on the Word of God you will see that but this is something I found from 88 Tzschirner American Psychological you know articles OK a page turner this is what I found this is 1 of the most fascinating statement that I've found when it comes to self-worth OK this is what it says our individual sense of what value ourself war is mostly of fact here is shade by our primary relationship with what we're doing our significant others in our lives then we explain what that means in psychology there's a terminology cost significant others and I really love this you know love this word because as a child grow up as a child go 3 infancy you can have about 3 significant others in your life mom and dad and grandparents or babysitters so you can have 3 or 4 significant others in your life so when you place your kids to a babysitter you don't have to feel too bad as low as parents have enough connection with kids and so far we're going to talk more about that and so they end up being the significant others in our lives you know they are the most I should say most significant others in our. So much so they're our view of life the way we think and our emotion we will study and as we go alone get so of acted by it so much so though no matter how far you may go from your parents to be free from your parents you can never get away. Because the patterns of relating even patterns of emotions and thinking that the our system the formation of our system is something day you end up being what in doubt by your parents and that's why in order for our system to change we got to understand what we're dealing with and then at the end of the conversation I hope that you and I come to places where we realize that wow I need the power of God salvation to allow me to think differently Amen Amen it's not by try but it's really really going to take God and us and the people around us working together as a team I'm going to provide that model tomorrow and on and how many of you chooses to join me for the let's 5 days I'm including today because if you walk away after this not that I fear that if you walk wherever this you will miss out a lot. Because I don't tell you I have a lot to share with you from my 25 years of pastoral ministry in counseling ministry I had my office in downtown L.A. I opened up my office to open up to anybody to come in you know I did that I didn't charge anybody I made it 3 wide because freely received freely give right and I did all that because I wanted to test the validity and the power of carts word. To see if the word got really healed people or do we need more than the Word of God like psychology or acupuncture or other things in our lives to be really is not that I'm not minimizing other aspects of things that God has given us so I want to tell you I'm going to share this week if you join me this week I'm going to share everything I've gained as valuable in terms of how God heals us from inside out by renewing our minds it is not just a matter of reciting Scriptures even though reciting Scripture is very important sometimes the in religious Don't get me wrong don't call me for it without contextualizing it OK. Sometimes being religious add more ease. Than bringing freedom in our lives without If we do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ Amen Amen so let's continue so our sense of value is affected by our in relationship with a primary caretaker It is not going to be our sense of value is not going to be affected or determined by our performances even if I become the president of the alliance and sign love only hears it out on a birth certificate here I can't be the president here but even if I become the president of the United States that will not restore my sense of value my sense of value is affected and determined by what my relationship with the what significant numbers. That is so important and even my what South identity will talk about that we'll talk about that even myself identity gets Chait by my relationship with someone else and other words there is no such thing as this might be shocking to some of you there is no such thing as our identity without some identity in context arise in the context of what common human I'm pointing this we are living without If we are limited to or is no 1. Today so there is no law deals his or a whole self identity in bags him no 1 discover his own sense of identity by going to Arizona are not their games Arizona to the desert. Or point to the mountain people find who they are in there ARE connection with somebody else and men and men and so that's why the identity becomes a soil in which we build our own self identity self worth is determined by our relationship with the significant others in our lives as well let's take a look at this 1 I want to look at it briefly our visit is later on Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 26 and 27 talks about God saying to each other among the Trinity let us make man in our image in our likeness right so this is him you know mentioned there it is talking about who are ality of God right it talks about car being in what we identity. And God who are in that we identity created the identity as 1 man and woman you know but what's interesting though is that while he created the identity by creating Adam and Eve as husband and wife the in together being 1. And now. Verse $27.00 he says God created Adam and Eve you know what if if we identity of Genesis chapter 1 point size with age and collectivistic or corporate value system then he would have created he would have created Adam and Adam or he would have created Adam or Adam Jr because there has to be some hierarchy because you become 1 by being 1 all to 1 another by becoming 1 in a sense where you come from instead of being part but what's so amazing thing about God is that while God creates this we identity here all allowed this really are they need to have a room for 1 self identity or allowing add them and even to have their own individuality and we don't have time to talk about how men and women are created so differently right or our languages are so different. You realize that even if it's just speaking English you don't communicate well were you you realize you know 1 time you know I did every Sabbath I come out of my car it takes only 5 minutes for me to wear clothes right less than 5 minutes I know what to wear right and then my wife in her comes are like after 30 minutes I can talk about her says he's here. She comes out in 30 minutes is a. Clue as to where and I was like What are you talking majeure So I went in and start counting all the clothes she has right. Now is 1 to say your line. And this is no no no that's all I'm talking about I don't have any new clothes where. This is but the 1 man says A man comes out of cars it is that I had nothing no clothes to wear then what happened. We're Drobo we don't have any loss to close to where right. So this is why we become 1 as we there has to be in order for that need to be healthy in order for that we need them to be healthy there has to have a room for self to exist and grow and flourish so that we identity in south by the me of God It's not like sticky rice of Korean you know isn't stick your are you stuck together there is no self identity but it's not like you know it's not alone re name doesn't stay together united so then you if you look at this innovation Karcher may have bonding maybe too much so like sticky rice but then it doesn't have individuality right it doesn't have room to separate and yet in with the Western culture I should say it has room to be separate were it has enough individuality and yet you may not have you know a connection and in that Asian course you take Asian culture too far in terms of bonding then you have investment like. But you take Western culture too far quarter value too far then you may have individuality separation and yet you don't have 1 thing and so on 1 hand you have in MASH mill on the other hand you have 1 detachment isolation which is better. Nothing's better. And that's what we need the value of God That's what we need to we need to restore the image of God and then so for OK so much for that we have to we have to move on let's take a look at our brain to talk about connection in order for us to understand how but our cats for made it you know in our brain there are roughly speaking our brain is very complicated but I'm just giving you a rough idea about how our brain works we have 4 different parts of brain even though there are more then core but basically there are 4 different parts of brain that Bible talks about Actually you'd be you'd be fascinated 1st of all you have front a row that attracts your mind you're thinking right frontal lobe and then in the middle Oh larger part of the brain is call emotional brain and 1 thing very exciting about an emotional brain and in that emotional brain there is a place called What this I want you to know limbic system limbic system is a place where you restore in stark a emotional hard drive where you restore all over that non in your life and I'm going to explain in more detail as you go along even that from mother's womb whoa whoa we're going to talk about that limbic system that's where our emotional emotional feelings and experiences traumas and hurts and all the wilderness get recorded right here and then another thing interesting is that the cerebellum is more kind of Here it is a place where you are where that allows you to try and fly in a way that if the player comes and visit you in your tent. I had that experience once I had some funny story to tell you 1 time I went to 1 of the mountain where they are in there by Bakersfield California and it took us 3 days to go up and they said there is a bear watch everywhere and so we decided to put all of our luggage this OK put in a sack sack back and then put it on top of you know trees right and then in the middle of the night someone visited us here they were huffing and puffing going around my 10 and then not knowing what was going on my i kept Who is this who is a hitch. If you don't want to be killed because. Their car was going around and then a smell something definitely smelled that no back up way up in the tree and guess what the bear was trying to do trying to get in the tree says so have a growing up and coming up we're now been coming down 1 guy became very smart as he was going up and then before he skied down he jumped with his long. Hit 1 of the 2nd fell down. I hope that on my back you know it's just. And then they opened it and then they were eating something I couldn't go out you know so let them have this nice meals together OK whatever we had. They were having a great time and then all of sudden they all left just like a ghost they were gone wow what happened I really was tempted to go out but then you know you can go out so the morning came and I went out guess what happened yes whatever sorry to tell you this to be descriptive I saw. The bear put everywhere along the way there were heading major diarrhea along the way. I said what most of it caused the diarrhea so I open the back emf I guess what I found I've found 1 of the hottest coring in Romney and some place. They had their on and sustains and then many diseases are never head it was turning their stomach outside down and then they are like this is an emergency emergency. And then they never came back again. So next next day when we put the sack back on the tree we make sure that we put there we caution Romulus very hard as Romney's super is you know I sat down comforter Ceylon in. But in what I was trying to tell you in a pair of attacks you in a lot of the cerebral is to wonder allows you to flee away with a supernatural power you know it gives you that that the power to respond and then brings Stan is the 1 that allows you to breed the breeding cat is going to read this people die and unless you because their neck is broken when the brain stem is gone what happens. Time reading when you know stop believing what's interesting is that when Luke chapter when the Bible tells us books have to 12 verse 30 tells us the love the Lord your God with all your what. With all your heart when he's talking about what you most in the brain and the love of God with all your mind is talking about world. And the love the Lord your God with all your might talk Mr Boom and love the Lord your God with all your soul meaning not pass riches of wrath of God. So car once us to love him with what we're doing not just with part of our brain with the world with the end Tyree of our brain he men and men. And that's what he means and the sense of connection in the war begins in the emotional brain our emotional brain gets developed the 1st let's talk about that when you are a child when you're a mother's warm feeling of connection or disconnection from the onset of $3.00 to $5.00 months and there's some debate on that $3.00 to $5.00 or 6 month period of time emotional bring developed in a very fascinating way in a way that if a marker this crazy if a mother have a sense of rejection oscillation anger anxiety from her relationship with her husband or her whole life to begin with then everything that she feels through. Everything that she feels gets passed down to the emotional hard drive about child which is the limbic system that's why this explains this explains why some kids are worn angry you know I mean we had a hard time understanding why some kids are born angry and so even if this child hear the voice of a mother or father father say. Here John Howard you know someone come and it in her she gets angry as soon as you're She's here to hear that voice gets angry because that anger mechanism is something that already started to get recorded in your mother's work womb This is what the study has found. Dr Thomas Verney 3 parental page $38.00 murder Turner feelings and moods are linked to homeowners and neurotransmitters that travel through the bloodstream and across the placenta to the developing brain of our own born child prolonging the exposure to stress hormones wow when a mother is stressed and the child is prone to get stress including adrenalin cortisol trial the growing brain to react in fight or flight mode even when in appropriate throughout life another is for no reason child gets stressed out why because child was stressed out in Mother's 1 because she ended up or a child ended up in or internalize or embrace or received the trauma of a mother through hormones and 3 environment feelings and 3 emotions and all that was going on and were Turner Emperor says enjoy love in other hand date the growing brain in the endorphin and working gets developed in in a cat's release in child's brain to begin with and neuro Holeman such as oxytocin promoting a lifelong sense of wellbeing as to how many. Yards. From the day 1 her mother's womb to begin with and therefore hers goes. In order for us to hear our mind we need to go back to do it all. I'm not saying this to discourage you but I'm saying this to help us to understand the immensity of the challenges that we're dealing with it is not just a matter of changing our brain changing our thinking No it's not that simple you really really takes the hands of the car and the power of. Socor amazing thing is when a child is born when a child is born between $4.00 to $6.00 hours period when a child is born child can only see 8 inches to 15 inches this is amazing some says or it inches or it's no less a 15 inches digital or that this 15 inches distance is the distance between a child sucking mother's milk and then the child's eyes gaze into mother who is breastfeeding the child child's eyes mother's eyes that distance of 15 inches and God deliberately made it in such a way that child can only focus on the 1 mother for the 1st $56.00 you know hour period so that a child and the mother can be what really really want on 1 time they found the child you know who would not want to drink mother's milk it's called failure to try she rather like not drink and so they've to try to find and guess what they found it found out there while the mother is breastfeeding a child mother is looking. And therefore a child looking for mothers are looking for connection and we hear she doesn't find them election year if she loses to. Even moms you and I are not created to just be functional. We're not animals who are just happy eating meals and we had beer and have a nice house a nice car and have a nice life no we're made to bond we're made to connect we're made to connect soar to saw we're made to touch and we're led to 0 we're made to be in a warm and fuzzy environment to flourish and that's the way God has created us to be we are me to par what's amazing about fathers bonding I'm going to be more in detail later on. Had their experience as a father when you 1st grab your child and try to hold their child what is the 1st response from a child when a father tried to hold the child what happens maybe cries right and then God is OK here is the baby. But I want to tell you something when a father when I'm out there embrace the child there's so much concern there right. Not to be to distribute. There's so much caution there but when a father embrace the child he tends to embrace a tired kind of harshly order or as you know is more more you know more a stronger than ever and support child feels like maybe suffocate or something but what's interesting is that when I'm Protheroe mother embrace a char it gives a child warm but when the father embrace the child child it's unions sense of security in safety. So father's embrace is as important as mother's embrace were made to Bond were made to connect we made to fear this sense of connection in our what limbic system to begin with Erick Erickson psychoanalyst he's of 1 of the most famous developmental psychologists he said something very profound about human development number 1 developmental task for a infant is to learn to trust and mistrust trust and mistrust comes in a form of the illing in him and it comes in a form of feeling it in for years how the child the spirit trusts what will the diapers get changed all wow this word is trustworthy you know well when the milk is you know given an entire cared and when when when the imprint of care then he or she feels trusted and then when he or she doesn't get cared enough or neglected or abandoned or the cues are not there you know usually instinctively mother Loz what the child needs human before he or she cry out and so there is that instinct connection but then the but somehow if the connection is not there at the child grow up giving mistrust and then when a child grows mistrust from that early on I've seen so many cases were you get married and you become a husband and then you're not trusting your wife like you know you mistrust your wife thinking whenever your husband talking to some other men or no. Or a sense of mistrust goes really really really really did 1st 3 years of life let's just go through a period attachment to mother provides the working framework for all subsequent relationship that the child will develop attachment connection the emotional bonding is so important it is grim matter for the healthiness of a child ongoing in a subsequent relationship with other people and or so mother loving interaction of a child with a caregiver literally grows the relational switchboard of the brain this is very important 3 from Turkey cortex which is in the frontal lobe prefrontal cortex from almost nothing in infancy to a vibrant mass of sizzling connection in adulthood This is amazing in fact the human cerebral cortex our you know the frontal lobe brain specially that part of the brain and including the emotional that 90 percent of it's at ball size in the 1st what 3 years of life so by the time a child gets in 3 years of alive you already kind of almost like formed no longer a child has a heavy brain where you know these are so heavy that child has a hard time balancing you know him suffer her solve Have you ever noticed the proportional largeness of child's heads that God prior ties in brain growth over all hours 1 of the factors that distinguish humans from other animals is our lawn this is a meeting known basically helpless infancy as babies we depend on and other to a degree no other animal does right like anymore you know like I said giraffe as soon as a draft is Wallace start walking. You are there are no stars there but except human being takes on it takes more than 1 year to walk. And in infancy is pro bono in comparison to other you know animals other creatures why God has designed it this way giving us a long stretch of time to be bonded to another thus creating our huge capacity for bonding to say to another way designed it along infancy of humans to grow our Which Breed relation or bring that we might be formed into his image as we learn to love and to be what love meant mother as a regulator Let's move on mother as a regular Just briefly I want to mention is the child doesn't know how to regulate his or her emotions get sad it gets mad you know and doesn't know how to regulate it and mother is there that it's OK you're sad there are no are no you are you return there or you know mother is there to regulate the child if a mother is not able to regulate it what happened it just goes out of control can imagine out of control child controlling out of control mom. That gets a really out of control so nodders has this ability to gaze into what's going on in the fairly child and then to be regulator around allow that to be consistent and so mothers emotional stability and emotional maturity is so so important attunement mother responds by meeting the baby's needs with exceptional precision provides the basis for the mother child bond and triggers the release of their thin in both making the relationship a source of pleasure and joy whether char their mom collect. If if a mother who happens to be alive at the same time if she doesn't feel connected with her husband in a way that she would come into her all on air going in or are only innocent feelings of sadness 1 that she she's not able to connect with the child in a way that she would be there to meet the needs of the child and therefore mother's health and then husband's ability to provide and connect so viable in order for a child to grow up healthy emotionally and creating a how he. We're going to explain maybe more mother has a bonding agent we're in talk about that. It this is a meeting this is a meeting this explain a lot what's going on in teenagers and young people who prone to addiction are the kind of thing that cannot satisfy Let's take a look at this or propounds our Take a look at that neuroscience has shown Asher let holes in train tissues can imagine child grow up with this black hole in their brain tissue is dead devoured as a result of a lack of an appropriate pounding in infancy Whoa there is a literal black hole in one's brain and then when you talk about a child being boiled alive it's being void an empty you're talking about a real void real emptiness in the brain. And I'm going to explain why that that hole gets created and in the most severe cases social and behavioral deficits appear in children in a form of reactive attachment disorder Yeah you and them not being able to connect when you are not able to connect with the mother who cannot bring that connection to a child in a way the child needs. Difficulty trusting lack of empathy poor impulse control all of that happens mother is a bonding agent or actually or. The next there's so much to talk about. That. OK we're going backward OK OK Let's talk about just briefly father provides play interactions you said the language that you know what our mother uses you know pay be language this father uses you know at all languages broadening their vocabulary is expose children to a wider social arena opportunity to learn how to get along well and all that and thirdly influence their children in the arena of politics and money and this is a secular study while mothers in the arena of religion and general outlook on life so mothers involvement of a char fathers involvement of the child is very important the reason why I mention all this is because our window ness in our emotion in our brain in our power system begins really really early almost to a point in where it becomes unconscious whoa we end the reaction to things we end up thinking certain thought we and the Responding to a certain way without us even thinking about it it's our mad. You know that's what makes this this whole idea of renewing of our mind gets really tricky and challenging I'm going to just briefly go over since we don't have much time only just briefly go over only wilderness OK we already explain limbic system records Clinton emotion of a mother as a wife why we talked about that and then secondly insecurity and anxiety fear sadness anger of a mother as a woman. I either I'm not saying this to make mothers feel cutie today how many of you are already feeling guilty OK here is that that's why I said hold on OK hold on our kids a hold on because you know that's not my intent to make you feel guilty because the your mother is already feeling guilty right. You know as soon as you become parents you already feel guilty about everything where you know and then you beating yourself up you know with all kinds of you know kill tactics and all that I'm not getting into that OK so just please hold our Lord is perfect anyway Well let me tell you this no 1 is OK everyone's broken and then if you say that you're not broken you're that broken. We don't even know it OK So so OK I'm going to tell you this I am not OK I'm not OK OK follow after me I'm not OK and then look at each other and say you're not OK. I'll. I says I just proved I proved the fact that all of us are sinners right you know when we pointing ourselves we're not happy you know but when we're pointing out there are people woman that makes a really happy you know and that's why we were like pointing fingers there and then the conclusion Steve out of and steer our mom was a pastor he got divorced by his wife his wife left him you know how how worse he can get as a pastor. So out of that out of the program this came to be on this journey of killing in his own life and then then he started this new Like many in California you know learning to bring healing so many people and this is what he came up with slogans that are not OK you're not OK and the concurs but it's OK. Or it's OK and then the rockets couple you know rockets Crapo in Adventism they go really deep and then they came out with this and other slogan that adds to that I'm not OK you're not OK but it's OK because what because what because it is fixable or in Jesus Christ a man is fixable in Jesus Christ OK yes. Yes. Oh yes I'm OK You're OK OK. Yes yes that's almost new age movement Right yeah we're not OK sorry we're not OK And then so none of us are OK none of us are OK not of all of us needing a say very now lives in men and men without that you know we would not need the war and then favoritism you know they were tism goes really did in terms of our wounded miss and then how many of you grow up thinking that I'm an accident child on wanted but we're going to talk about that later on we'll talk about that OK Is it true or wrong I'm 1 wanted or accident child and then. I should have been a boy or a girl or. Anything that had some of you are given with boys named personally right you know. And then neglected child when to talk about Asian American family you know immigrant family have a lot of this issue we don't necessarily reject our kids but a lot of kids grow up feeling what neglected never receive focus attention care nearing at quitting you know never connected parents are too busy to get settled here and so for never occurred in our men I grew up with this feeling never ever cleaned up because my father was perfect in everything he does when he comes on he put his shoes like this. When I come home my shoes are all over the place is you know when he comes only points in his shoes like this it was just and then he takes out his clothes and changes cause and watches you know it's like perfect in every rez like that drove me crazy that made me feel I have no room to brave like my father is not a human being. I want to human being was imperfect you know to me and I thought like I was never ever good enough and then I could never major up to my father's standards. That goes with the this is this is really really concerning suppress children growing up suppress being suppressed by an insecure parents unjustly you close down your kids because out of your own what insecurity try to what exert your are already in an unhealthy way and then sexual and physical abuse or oh grow up in a conflict or family we're going to talk a little bit about that when a child grow up in a family where parents are hiding all the time even in S.T.A. families when parents are in their relationship with each other then child grow up feeling that here or she is taken her childhood away the childhood that should be filled with joy and happiness when the child feels that her childhood is taken away by parent as parents are struggle in their merits then you deal the kind of wound in this that goes really really deep on heard of not being understood how many of you have strong kids strong child syndrome skids a strong child can dream who never 1 to admit what you're saying Never 1 to understand your own nest they are understood. I just want to be. And then cancer like get this on your plan you're not making sense in the bibles that we bring in Bible and what problems you know. Not that it is wrong. But you can get Mary on how at home when we suppress our children in a way that we take away their basic right to be understood. You know what being understood is quite different then having to agree with them we're going to talk about OK We'll talk about it on 3rd day we'll talk about unhealthy communication to healthy community and how our system allow us either toward unhealthy or healthy OK It's fascinating class of 3rd day conditional praise Wow So whenever a child does work praise and yet well it doesn't do good or misbehave and with throw up action you can never withdraw up action withdrawing affection can never be a punishment or a source of discipline to a child and that gets tricky being consistently year that lots of hurt that's a wilderness extreme poverty or extreme Well that can also be unhealthy that can also be very detrimental to a point where a child grow up with the unrealistic reality you know and all that and we don't have time to talk more about that OK let's just go through this very quickly how this emotional wilderness Springs wilderness in our past system OK let's just go through this briefly tomorrow we're going to study more about distorted thinking how we can transfer from distorted thinking to. Thinking OK so we study more but I'm going to just give you an idea here how when the emotion results in all the thoughts. Everyone is what against me this is extreme thinking anything excretion is unhealthy Amen amen anything extreme is on how to OK anything extreme is on out it. Everyone is against me that's unhealthy everyone 1 hates me that's on out if you see this dysfunctional people into this people feel anger resentment they're isolated people with isolation people where the anti-social have this kind of trait where everyone's against me everyone hates me no 1 can be trusted right and everyone dislikes me and this kind of person is easily triggered by anger based and we telling people don't allow people to get close to you if you're 1 of those people with this extreme thinking then there's a will. But I want to tell you no God doesn't judge your condemn you God has a message for you OK Tomorrow we're going to talk about how the Gospel of Jesus Christ has a place for each and every 1 of us because he needs us in our eggs Treen place of born ability in men and women talk about that so you can in. The oh say. In the arms of God in men women and then passive think is a South persecutory thinking because as a result of internalizing everything I deserve to be what rejected I deserve to be reason and then I hit my saw. No 1 can be trusted and being in to minister to be avoided OK and the past thinking hearing paer heating up before even having a chance to try if you have a fear of trying anything against you because you fear failure so you don't even want to try and then our thoughts are wounded and we cracked too much and thinking about it all night all day long thinking that oh I should have done that I should have done you know I should have married that person or Russian and married this guy or you know you know with his regrets really after regrets. That's that's very unhealthy will be less in our power if I had done better should have done better. And unhealthy patterns of relating I'm just giving you this depends give up and be critical of other people even when you come back from a nice and wonderful wedding your wife goes like it wasn't a wonderful honey and it was a No it was a wonderful woman full great no it was not or. Can never never ever need any credit to anybody. So critical about every hour is have a way of piling 1 power or many Paul. Wonderful events in so whore and inability to say no people pleaser how many of your people believe you. I was 1 of them to people who had Germino inability to say no people were desperate for approval or an acceptance of other people and you didn't get that in your home so you're trying to get it from elsewhere passive making excuses for everything lack of ownership always made with the picture mentality I'm the victim I'm the 1 who is poison I'm the black sheep of the family I'm the 1 who didn't get the education that I. Wasn't supported I'm the 1 who didn't receive any validation in my life and so on and on and on we will talk about that later out finish with this hang around with me in our brain we have about a 100000000000 cell is and I mean. You know how much of that we get to use. We have 100 give you so when I when I studies it makes me realize that wow our brain capacity is created in such a way we were created for eternity. Because we don't even use like 1 even 5 percent in a healthy way and yet this is amazing I want you to get this Each cell has what can have what 20000 groups Each cell can do you know the 20000 roots and then there is a electrical current There goes on in your grains are what's you know and then and then the from south to sell there is a sin of switches kind of open space and then the message gets connected to the next it's called transmitter it is transmitted by electrical current there is a electric spark going on in your brain and so when your brain is fully alive it is like July the 4th. When your brain is truly alive it is like you know the fireworks going on and that's why the Bible says Holy Spirit comes to you in a form of what are you. If I use your brain your brain is fired up for something amazing but he pressed the person with the press person the press person. Beepers in night. And he's got a meeting Isaiah Chapter 60 tells us he's the light he came in a place of us in. Jesus comes to our brain he comes to our brain in such a way that he start doing something now and with this let's get this our brain can have what 20000 roots and let's take a look at this literally our brain is like a root of the tree and when you have healthy parts the healthy parts grow when you have unhealthy Moser such as anger anger grows when you internalize anger it turns into sadness when when you suppress anger or through sadness then it becomes depression when you are allowing your anger to be externalized when you allow your anger to come out of you and to be expressed in an on healthy way then it becomes aggression so either you or anger comes out and allowing that to be a source of aggression or allow that to be a source of depression in your life right either way it is on healthy but can you imagine as a child you start having this anger of rejection and 1 lucky star growing in your heart and then your in your brain you start growing those anger roots and then after growing that anger rose for the next what 30 years then your brain is through with the roots and the roots. Your brain is still no with anger roots so much so that there is no room for sin apps and if 1 thing is chigger then all of that emotion that spill accumulate in your brain gets activated when your anger angry in this way then your anger gets asked really on the 3rd day we'll talk about that and so our brain is like a tree or the root of the tree if I'm crazy about Korean soap opera or Korean drama school. None of us OK. Law and from Michigan conference OK if you allow my if you love like I say kimchee if you log into you're addicted to guilty then addiction to kimchee started to grow in your brain it started to grow whatever it be whatever the addiction that you have it allows your brain to grow the roots in such a way it is like a tree but let's take a look at this I wanted with this let's read this passes are you ready see to it everyone see to it that what no 1 what misses the grace of God and that no Peter roots grow up to cause trouble and the many sit Bible talks about Peter roots growing I almost want us to remarriage in our brain is. On healthy routes that needs to be cunts by the power and the fire of the Holy Spirit Amen Jesus can come in through the power of the Holy Spirit can does a laser surgery in our brain to allow those Pierrots to be well consumed by the fire of the Holy Spirit they meant how many of you need that in your life I need the surgery in my life you see I didn't know that I was anger base. Until I found out the way I treated my kids was not 1 of action and reasoning was 1 of escalation because I grew up. By my parents father I was so stubborn took or in were my father was spanked me and in Korea a pack and spanking was allowed and then my father was spanked me because he just wanted to hear me that admitted hear me admitting that I am wrong I will not say that. I'm going to endure to the end you spend me took point where I could not take him in longer and I said I am sorry and my my brother looking at me the way I was treat my father the way I would endure you know spanking and he was like my part my brother is dumb and so whenever my father tried to raise up the stick you know to my brother my brother goes I. Am seriously never spanked. And I got all the spanking and so I provided little did I know that I grew up with this anger in my life and I saw I had to deal with this and I had to deal with this in my brain who knows how many routes I've been able to grow in my boring so 1 day and then there was a void in my brain. Because in my brain there is a plaque hole in my brain literally because I felt like I was never connected with my dad you know he would come home and sit did you do your home or. That's about my father didn't say anything of passionate you know he was an amazing guy. And so after I got married I me before I got married I came to United States I went to a memory or church and the 1st time in my life I went there and I saw after the church was over this American fathers were hugging their kids and they were like hugging everything wow this is horrible. I never seen this before and I said to myself you know how I wish I want to hug my dad I don't want to hug my father when he said I want to hug him while he was warm and breathing so I said to myself I'm going to hug my father so I went to Korea so hard my father it was after I got married I had 3 kids still there was a black hole in my are wanting to be connected so I went to Korea and there is a place where everyone gathers I want to show up to my brother and sister that I had a special bond with my father by hugging him but I'm telling you when you never hug your dad when he never hurt you you know it's very intimidating WHAT IF HE SPENT me again you know. I was. Very intimidated so I was I was in my mind in my imagery I was hugging my dad the imagery I was hugging my dad I went into the I went into the smaller laboratory in the airplane I was like on a mere hours hugging my father like this. Finally my father was right there I was were getting closer when I was farther I was freer in my body in body motion was prettier but when I was getting closer I realized that my body was getting frozen up and then when I got really close when I was about to stretch my hand the prize did he stretched his hand and it was like shake my hand like that early pale and I came to United States or the tail only thing I could do was put my arm around him and then 1 day I said I'm going to bring my parents I'm going to take them far away to Canada to pant mountain. And then there I might hug my dad before I get killed. So I drove his I still remember I drove this like a mobile home here of mobile home I rented a man who in love but then it was like up here like this everyone were slipping except me I was pumping the gas it was not going like 25 miles of. It and barely made it and then went on top of the mountain have you been to didn't happen the mountain men is amazing right I mean this like the top of the mountain was here with forever snow for every tree and then there is a river that runs by a collator you know River. You know collaborations of God's creation and so then it was Riesling and everyone were inside of the most mobile home and then I look around and it was except me and my dad my dad was next and I felt like the war was telling me. Earlier that. You will never get any other chance. I look at my dad and then my heart was already. I didn't know how to see it but I had to say it because it's my once in a lifetime chance Laura said as a Ted I have a request for you my dad is funny what is it very short in like 10 commandments very short. So what is it has that had it may sound strange to you OK I'm warning you it may sound strange to you but at the age of my life and 32 years all I have to crash to me I want to hug you he didn't know what Hogan was so what is hard. So I displayed in korean what hugging him as he look at me strange that that is strange. And then he goes son. He thought a little bit and then he said Son since it doesn't cost anything let's hug. And so so he let me hold my dad he didn't hug me he let me have my death so I held my dad when I was hugging my dad my heart my father was pretty better you know. Guilt involved and I could only reach this much and then he was trying to let me go because he felt very uncomfortable and then my I was irritating years to him and I said Dad why did just spend so much when I was growing up. And he says because I just beat him Santa admonition I read too much Bibles there Ross. And then I read and was writing. I on the line all the parts about discipline you were my 1st case prior case. He said I'm sorry. No dad I'm not asking you to you know for your forgiveness 1 lap as you know I'm just as mean you aren't I'm just telling you dad by the time I was about to cry because of your spanking because you're with her because of your guidance and everything you need me who I am I'm hugging you to tell you that I appreciate you you are my Romario and he was like can you let me go. I said no I'm not over here. I may not be able to have you anymore I said dad I'm going to tell you something we. Don't your heart attack with this are you ready you know whatever it comes just go ahead I said Dad are 7 career and said I love you. Now. His heart was really pumping passon he didn't know how to respond you know father hearing from his son you know I love you so he didn't he couldn't say I love you in the turn and so guess what he. Needed to in English. He knew enough English to say I need to there was enough there was enough father son connection I was but then. When my. Heart will be healed with the memory of connection with my father and I'm going to end with this story here I'm going to end with the fact that my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in Witness We'll talk more about that tomorrow therefore I will post all the more clearly about my what we've seen as this you know witnesses in great infirmity Min's us Tennessee in this 1 business in ins or sit in this in millions in our sorrow coming in millions are having handicapped you know being handicapped. All the more for your witness saw that Christ power may rest on you and let's read this together when my father and mother forsake me then no more will take care of me Hey you and I call you know what we all have each is with our hand even though our panties everything they could but they were never a perfect parents they were never a help his parents ever ever our parents have all all you know have their own to sponsons their own when the nest the deal work and because of that God wants us to shift our you know. Our ship us from being parent lead by the earthly parents to what have been your parents reparenting. And then he heals the brokenhearted then the by and pound up their words and I'm going to end with this this is a major unconsciously the limbic system maybe program or it distrust and fear are you ready for this but the limbic system the limbic brain does not have the final say haha OK yeah I've been saying all I've been saying just to say that it's OK Yeah Linda says that even though there is a wilderness and damage in our limbic system from the way back to mother's warm but that's not does not have the final say why because Sarah B. or Cortez which is frontal lobe cerebral cortex does have a final say whoa are emotion is 1 that therefore our thought system gets 1 bit and net. We do not need to be controlled by our emotional brain which is wounded because our cerebral cortex does that's read this finish with this cerebral cortex grows axons all the way down into the next hour all the way down to a metal are they you can grow roots to all the way down to America these axons can transform compounds that extinguish the fear response in other words the thinking brain can tell the emotional brain the truth and influence it toward trust bonding and our 2000000 love Amen Amen that's why the car hears our wheels it wouldn't be in this in our emotional greying by Renu ing our mind AMEN AMEN AMEN in soul in so doing will do this let's read this together and she with this. Is into transferring our our you know our pure roots in the into the root of Love Let's read this passage together I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ made the world in your heart through faith and pray that being what they were rooted and established and love and may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and did is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpassed now is that you may be filled to the major of the all the fullness of God God is into changing our bitter roots into the root of love in Jesus Christ in men and men so tomorrow we're going to continue to learn how guard come to our brain and how God changes our thinking system in such a way that he brings healing and wrestle ration in our lives it was something like this 1 day OK let's finish with this world. There and unhealthy emotion resulting when they don't know how the and distorted thoughts and then it was all sincere roads and therefore what's interesting is that God heals us the opposite way our emotion is 1 bit emotional brain is 1 that therefore our processed in our thinking brain is 1 way and now by changing our thinking brain he brings new emotion in our eyes and they're all ours to be rooted in his love and their god is what just shifting the current by going opposite to bring healing in our lives thank you and let's end with prayer Dear Father in Heaven with thanks for the time that you have given us. And help us to understand the your way of human restoration in our lives Lord though we are wounded though we are damaged lower we are unions hand we your hand and you have a plan to hew us and restore us in Jesus Christ in Jesus's name the man he met him in. 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