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2. Roots of Distorted Thinking

Dr. Sung Hyun Um Jewel Um

Conference

Recorded

  • June 19, 2017
    9:00 AM
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Shoaib. Heavenly father want to thank you for this opportunity that we have to come in and see how you can reach into our lives and help us that we can be step by step like you I pray that your spirit will be with us here this morning and that our hearts will be open to hear his voice speaking to us and Lord through all this we can bring honor and glory to your name be with song this morning to as the say after noon as he leads own and guide and direct him and we think you most holy name Amen amen Good afternoon everyone. You had a good lunch. OK. I skipped lunch. And I'm so busy this week and I'm with the person or for 6 hours and then I'm taking care of 1 of my friends who came here and then I'm here and so I decided to have a big breakfast skip lunch. And have 2 meals a day so that my workout today. The scripture for the whole. 5 days of serious is from Romans Chapter 12 verse 2 right and let's let's all read this passage together do not conform any longer to the pattern of this word but be transformed by the renewing of your mind yes it talks about patterns you know that that's very very interesting word did you know that you in your brain there's a pathway it's a pattern you know how does the pathway gets created somebody you walk on a short cut right and then someone else to walk on it and then you are going and then later on you realize that there is no there is no grass anymore right. And so that's how the pathway the pattern of thinking in our brain gets created you know you keep thinking you keep thinking certain the way you keep moral you know going about doing it thinking it in the same way and then there is a pathway there is a pattern that gets created. And then got a God tells us that you know what healthy thinking people can think is not going to happen overnight. And how do you how do you on do what's been done I mean and other words using psychological terms how do you teach program from being programmed. You know the I had to I had to you know really practice this because you know I've been counseling for. 20 some years and then when I 1st started our counseling you know when I came home you know I would come home with all those burdens of lives that people share with me and then you know by the time I got to dinner I lose my appetite. You know I mean I don't even want to it came to any more. And I lose my appetite because I am so. Involved emotionally with it right you know I mean how can you not being so involved you know involved emotionally involved when somebody just in a pour out their hearts on to you right then I came to realize. That when you and I This might be an insight for you you were new and I internalize. The anxieties and war isn't the problems even our children's when we internalize it we're not really helping them. Right because none of our children wants to see us what being so on had to be about them worrying all the time up for our children right and they're like can you just stop worrying about me. And then you decide not to worry and then you come to realize that you have an other or you you worry about worrying too much. And there is no win situation on this you feel trapped in bondage and all that right and so it's not going to happen overnight. However I learned how to deprogram myself so much so so much so there is just crazy sometimes sometimes I meet people OK And then I've been with these people for over a year counseling and then sometimes I meet them later on I don't recognize them. I don't have hours Heimer as of here. But I just deprogram myself so much so that sometimes I forget that I counsel these people. So that when I come home when the garage door opens what do I do it's time to work the program put all the worries and anxieties all the stuff that I have to do with the Council me on the. On the on the whatever the child that we have in the To put it on there and then when I come in I don't come in as a pastor I don't come in as a counselor I come in as a husband as a father it took me a long time to learn that but it is possible to deprogram from being programmed in men it is possible so don't get discouraged OK. And we're going to lawn this I mean we're not going to be able to learn everything in 5 days no way that's my trouble every night you know I I try to figure out how I can fit as much as I can in 5 days so I've been you know pushing things around and I hope you can see that really like I must love you guys so much. You know what I'm saying you know. Not to worry but on challenges I'm challenged because I could come and share the stuff that I share than then give it to you guys know every audience is different. And then you present me you know you came yesterday and then showing me your and to see as and passion and desire to run and it just fearing me in such a way that I wanted to give you the past of the best. Even though past is yet to come. Amen amen I think we have these we have this attunement which is very important for us and it's going to be an ongoing thing I'm going to give you just the taste of what could happen and I actually I if you can walk away from realizing how how exciting and how insightful and how a punnet trading the power of the Gospel is then then I have accomplished the purpose of being here Amen and I've been working with people for the past 20 some years that have told you and I've studied psychology for 10 years and then guess well I came back to the Word of God. Because there is nothing like the work of God. I study every day every day I study I learn new things and more thing and the Word of God is amazing you know how you go to the acupuncturist how many of you believe in X.. You're not 1 punter is an acupuncturist don't feel you're a person though you have a liver problem how do they know that. But you know that the Bible has a divine diagnosis that once you learn this you can almost diagnose pre-budget OK I can't believe I'm giving this to you free I mean this. Is. Something is not right this is a divine diagnosis that is that is inclusive for all humanity how cool that is in men we're going to London today OK we have a lot to cover today you become what you what Yeah if you can kind of silence your phone I'm messed up yes that. You become what you think Amen amen here OK we're talking about Gods killing in our brain you're member we talked about 4 different parts of brain right and then there's a worry is in the area were were we get wounded 1st you're MEMBER Yeah emotional brain right especially in this what limbic system that's where all the in all the anger and bitterness that you have toward your husband your wife and children and your pair in your neighbors and everything you know and all those all those junk in your life sorry gets stored in that limbic system and that that the hard drive is. It can really store quite a bit. Like 304-050-6070 it's amazing you know and that's where it gets really messed up 1st and then what happens is that when the emotional brain gets wounded and then what happens your father gets wounded right you remember love the Lord your God Well let's all read this passage and love the Lord your God with all your heart so which part of brain are we talking about here when we talk about heart emotional brain right and then with all your what soul so which part of the brain are we talking about soul is brain stem brain stem OK And then that's where we breeding where we breed with all your 1 mind is what frontal lobe and then with all your strength which is cerebellum. God is telling us that now. To activate our brain got 1 size to allow our brain to be used in such a way that it becomes worship our brain every aspect of our brain OK we need to use our bread we need to take our brain to God Amen Yeah we need to allow God to we talked about emotion all feelings we need to take all of our feelings to God we need to take all of our. And our perspective our perceptions our convictions and judgment how many you are so convicted of a certain way that you look at things. You know what I see you're about my husband in a way that he has no idea about I figured him out. I know him more than he does next to God. But you need to give that condition to God Amen you know we need to give that to God we need to give our judgment to God and that's what it means to worship Him with our hearts and minds how about our strength free movement that we take I'm going to use it to love him and you know 1 time my daughter came home when she was a teenager she came home and I just came back from my trip to Africa it takes 3 days to come back 3 days to go there 3 days to come back. And I came back I was more than exhausted I was ready to slee. My daughter came home either came to me and. I needed to have 2 years. Where she was telling me that my eyebrow was falling down like so heavy as a falling down ready to just pass out right away. As I told my daughter did you see. How it is ready to ready to be gone you know can we can I talk to you tomorrow and my daughter goes no daddy tomorrow may never come. Which is true. I need to talk to you tonight and I remember the scripture you have now of somebody to a point where you use your book. As I'm not going to plead for doing this. So I literally I literally had to hold my eyebrows. To talk to her and she said no we need to go out and you know look at the moon. I can see the moon but she says the moon. So I need to talk to you as who I when our sitting down you know you know woman has a way of like. Having to have certain atmosphere. You know I mean like I want to be romantic is like hey let's clean the house 1st. Focus No she can't focus. But that night that night. I was able to have a major major breakthrough in my relationship with my daughter because because I have chosen to stay up no matter what. A man. Use your strength to love and then breathe every breath that we take use it to love you to feel God if you're to experience God uses it to use use them to allow God's life to living in you let's move on God's healing process occurs I'm going through a little bit of review God's healing process occurs in an hour put it direction of the process of what is this is amazing we learned that right we learned that we get it 1 day OK We talked about we get wounded in our emotion and then our our thoughts gets worse and it and then we end up you know growing Peter roots in our lives isn't like a tree we are like a tree having so much roots underneath. Some of the roots been growing for more than what the 40 years can imagine and each cell while the brain has 100000000000 cells each cell can have 1 how many Route 20000 routes whoa when somebody has been addicted to something for the past less it 30 years then can you imagine being bitter for 30 years your brain might be filled with roots so much so that your brain cannot breed. Because it needs to be able to really communicate and all that but God's healing process is so amazing to me while we get wounded in our emotion and then we get you know we end up having this work thoughts and ideas but God wants the hill us through God's word we're going to talk more about that tomorrow the Word of God comes to us in such a way that it gives us at the thought system or faces them in such a way that it changes the way we think according to the Word of God and then there are for it reverse the process where he didn't change the way we feel and then. Allow us to be. A root of love instead of root Peter gets in the hole I say man I mean I want to tell you something if you're a woman the worst thing that can happen to you. What could be the worst thing that can happen to woman someone can tell me brave enough to. Losing a child yes OK what else worst thing that can happen to a woman that's you abuse right OK of that. But you're not giving me the answer that I'm looking for. I may be biased but yeah that's true that's true are not downplaying anything that you says but I want to tell you worst thing that can happen to a woman is special when you're married. Especially when you're married you end up being what you end up being bitter you end up being dearer and angry and which will be eating you up to a core and you as you're alive after giving so much and we end up being bitter and angry and of that we don't need and it will be what eating you up did you know that they did a study in Harvard did a study on people with cancer they sat there if you and I I'm not saying this to you know on unduly making you to be too anxious but I want to tell you the study shows that if you harbor on the Internet and anger and resentment for the next 3 days 3 days we can our body becomes so as it then the possibility for cancer just jumps up to more than 75 percent. Even if you've been eating brown rice or you've been eating. Even needing it like cories I'm currently brown eyes or of giving it in eating what the kind of the bread rice 7 grain bread. Or you've been eating this vegetables all your life you know if you're harborough and Kiran as an anger and resentment our body become as it. Yes that's what the Bible says that you know while you can be angry put what tone stay angry overnight. But usually we don't get angry until we get. It in the days and then we stay up angry on library we lose our sleep right we lose our sleep we talk about so many woman have a problem with sleep so many it is amazing you know we have a man cannot sleep 1 day they can't go to work they have a hard time you know stay alive but woman can go on like that I've seen people go on like that with a sleeplessness they can go on for about the 10 years and they come to me and then to look fine I mean you know to a degree it's like how can they do that that's why that's how I know that you think that in the end we men are more powerful know women are amazingly powerful. Amazingly powerful That's why they have children. Men would get freaked out and walk away you know you know I mean when it needed to carry a child as our own no I'm not going to have this. But we're going to as soon as they have 1 I'm going to have an extra. It's amazing woman are so powerful but there's 1 thing that makes woman weak there's something that makes woman weak What would that be. When you're on loved when you're on Love you become weak but are you ready for this when woman becomes weak because of the nurturing that they need is not there then watch out if you with or loving her they become weak but they don't stay weak for the rest of their lives. You remember they're strong. And baby come with kid. It is over it is a weakness that leads to it we could live it is people because I'm going to prove it by the end of today. OK And I have so many stories about a woman being wicked Oh man you don't want to go there. Like Prince chill in the hottest day of the summer's like you know. When woman chooses to revanche you want you just to come right away. Anyway let's move on let's move on OK in our brain OK we're Imperial our brain which department has the final say in terms of providing healing and healthy order in our lives this is amazing this is a wonderful news for all of us oh from Tolosa has the final say in men so if you keep on saying I don't hear like you and I don't feel like it I don't feel like being out of there I don't feel guilty. Then we're not we're not allowing our brain to its what maximum we're not using our frontal lobe we're not being led. So this is an amazing amazing blessing we need to find ways to allow not only our emotions but our thoughts are still to be given to God so that the people of thinking that even grace in our world have the final say in our lives and he met him and that's what we're studying the Bible you know I guess to inspire by coming here like I I see these people in the hallway everywhere I go like there are some of them might be in their eighty's and ninety's and they're like curled up and still in the mine a ball I see people in the hallway still in the arts world its rules my heart to core because men shall not be by bread alone but by word that proceeds from the word mouth of God you will know you will know what that means at the end of persimmon or. We learn the root of the wilderness goes deeper than we think or imagine word does it all begin from our wild mother's womb that's all begins you know right there then what do we need to bring healing and restoration in our lives that pattern tell new parent has been create a pattern has been create a pathway has been made it is unconscious or automatic that's that's what makes it really difficult we want to change we want to Trent we will be transformed but you are like angry talk or you don't know what to do with that and then when you are you make lunch or dinner and then you're angry and then when you bring food you don't bring food gracefully mercifully your action shows that you're hangry you don't know what to do with there you're sad you're depressed we don't know what to do with it we haven't even started they were already exhausted what we do with that some of you may identify with that. You know you want to love your wife and yet it's feeling of love is not there and you become apathetic and you become tired much of the way that we are being programmed is on a level of conscious level it's automatic so then this is the key we need to bring whatever dairies in on conscious level to a what conscious level and that's how we begin the journey of healing in our lives whatever that is automatic we bring it to a level where people come not only conscious we become aware of what's going on we understand the triggers and so for so we'll continue to talk about that this is crazy this is a systematic and holistic approach how many of you view me how many of you realize that more than 90 percent more than 90 percent of marital illness people come to me and talk about their husband their wife who are not there right and there's He is the cause of probably she is the cause the problem right because when I got married I was perfect right. I mean I was P.K. passes kid right perfect kids right. You know when I got married I had no problem in my life was fine and great and as soon as I married I began to have problems so I am not a merely began to think that all the problem must have come from what her. Little did I know that I had more problems than my wife. I was the 1 who was more broken than my wife which I did not know she's not here but I'm testifying Amen and 90 percent of the marital problem stems from what the family of origin. We are we are programmed to look at our our spouse and our children our neighbor certain way we're programmed certain way we're perceiving things certain way because the way we've been added and from my mother's womb trace back to Adam and Eve. And to gain an understanding of the immensity of our each you it's it's a daunting task it really takes the Holy Spirit for us to realize those things you know I spent about 10 years more than 10 years I spent about 15 years working on myself you know it can be very painful you know I came to a point where I came to realize that I couldn't believe I mean I couldn't believe or for using this kind of language but I couldn't believe how messed up I was I couldn't believe it and then part of time I realize it was already too late because genes had been already passed on to my kids. Some of the things that I don't want to see in me it shows up in my children I end up hearing about miles south in there and why do you only want. OK you don't look like you. Don't put on a Sabbath Sabbath face OK. And I want you to join me in on being transparent with you and almost 0 point and I came to realize how broken I was in my thirty's in my mid thirty's early thirty's to meet the came to realize how broken I was and I became saw depressed. You know there is nothing more depressing than to know you know if it is 1 thing for me to be hurt by someone and be depressed that steps 1 or only 1 level of depression there is a deeper level the depression you're depress for the her that you render to somebody else for the hurt that you render to your loved 1 to your wife it to you which. Almost to a point where I probably what's the point of living I mean I'm the pastor I'm studying is marriage and family study is trying to counter other people and I'm so messed up. And then my professor were trying to encourage me you know what you know what it takes to be a great counselor to be messed up that's a beginning point. To the mass start you're having a raw data to work with you are the source of your research and all that OK or I or I are right. Almost to a point where I just didn't know what life was all about. And someone like me if I if I can only think about sleeping I'm already sleeping. You know to me but for me to lose sleep. To deal with the broken ness of who I am was more than hate. I found myself being trustee rated prostrate prostrated right light like before God I mean I went down I had a house like you know in California you know it's like up in your obvious you know house and then it was up and down is a small land and then you know I came from there and flow 2nd floor and then 1st floor and then I go I went down down down down down down down to the garage and I just prostrate it Lord I can't do it anymore. I don't know what to do with myself I'm sure even you are challenging. It's immense. That's why I want to tell you something psychology make give you insights toward life but psychology cannot give us the transforming power. We're going to talk about that tomorrow you don't want to miss tomorrow it's like korean drama You Don't Want To Miss Marr. That's only thing I learned from Korean drama ye you've got a kind I and. All of man that guy is being hospitalized what's going to happen. And then right there you know somebody's life fall down on the quickest is end right there I mean you got to watch it right next day it's crazy sometimes I used and I'm a sermon. So how does a story what comes next week. But anyway. You see I want you to know that in Jesus Christ in Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit and through God's Word not only there is a healing what's amazing i'm thing about that not only there is a healing our souls. God uses our broken this as a way of giving us and creating us and restoring us a sense of calling in our lives if you know what I'm talking about while from devastations from brokenness to a calling like a Samaritan woman she want to be isolated and yet she met she did she went to her town tell everybody and then they came to know Jesus and see became a spiritual leader of that town that's the kind of human and restoration God wants to bring in our lives Amen we're going to talk about that OK let's go with the roots of this story thinking and so for there's so much to talk about so let's begin with 3 areas of distortion that we may experience in our lives 1st of all there's a distortion in terms of why I am self identity it's really deep south identity we're going to talk more about that tomorrow identity of who I am and then there's a 2nd area of distortion that happens in our lives when we are not in law mind with the people could thinking is called Extreme patterns of relationship extreme patterns of relationship so WHO I AM gets worked why AM gets messed up why I am gets you know rate distorted and when I am distorted in terms of why I am Nan my relation or pattern get distorted. So why I am so important because it affects the way we connect with other people and then finally our live perspective gets affected our light perspective gets distorted and that's why people could think in terms of eschatology healthy eschatology is so important we'll talk about their life resources how much resource we have gets distorted OK let's talk about it now who I am. Who I Am is affected by the primary relationship that I have with my parents my parents being the number 1 source of providing primary relationship OK And then when my primary relationship gets distorted what happens is that we become we come to a place where we become we are unable to think straight we're unable to choose what is right and healthy we're unable to say no to the unhealthy things and and life is a vicious cycle. And then what happened is that when WHO I AM gets distorted what happened is that I'm going to tell you a little bit later but when who I am is distorted then awy becomes the Bible says Eidur either you and I have we have 2 kinds of identity we didn't Christ we doctors with cries we become sons and daughters of God We can talk about that tomorrow but today we focus on us being in slavery being in a place of slavery so without Christ you and I are in a place of what slavery so some of you may said I'm not I'm not in slavery Well let me tell you how we can be in a place of slavery number 1 are we still trying to strive toward approver and acceptance of other people then you and I are in slavery Welcome to the slavery. OK. And so if I do not know how to say if I don't know how to say no to other people how many of you are people pleaser don't know how to say no I should have said no and then you regret about it and then do you get mad about that person you know pushing on you and then we go through all kinds of trouble in our lives right and that's what the nature of slavery is all about. When you and I become reactive rather than proactive like Stephen Covey talks about his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when you and I become reactive there's a story you know in the situation in Korea when I was growing up when I go to school I'm in there's so many students going to school oh so Karen Abbas is the big deal is a barrel if you don't if you know what I'm talking about and it is amazing that when I look at the bus coming it is already for you know past you may have seen in the movies buses coming is already 4 but you know what they know how good the driver and the lady on the door is it's really dangerous know how to maneuver in such a way they will go to the bus here and there and then just enough to make a room even breathing room just make enough room and then the lady opens the door and then there's shock people. And then you go in there yourself OK And then the next person smelled bad you're in trouble you know. And then you're like some care and headed back is over where 1 of the ladies over there like what happens is that you know somebody trample on your fur and then you who trample my foot so you trample somebody else's and everyone's a trampling each other's for that's what reactive kids are you get mad at me as I get mad at you you make me sad there are so I'm going to I'm going to be sad we're making you sad and I'm going to retaliate you know reactive being reactive being a place of being reactive and blaming others for the way we respond to them that allow us to be in a life of slavery let me tell you some of the patterns of slavery do you find your emotion you find your anger emotion gets ASCO leading without you even realizing it. OK you don't have to raise your hand. And that escalation that's a sign of slavery put down you find your serve being put down so you end up putting down somebody else and then you allow that that vicious cycle to get worse and worse and worse 1 lady came up to me after the seminar it's amazing how people come to seminars like this and then they're like writing down all these things not for themselves for the spouse who's not here. And the 1 lady came up to me and said after the seminar she is a very fair looking lady in her thirty's and then. That teaches cycle that you're talking that's me so low you don't look like that. Let me tell you something my house when he gets mad at me and then he goes around and start destroying the chip stuff in the house stuff from the K.-Mart. But when I get really mad I and destroying the most expensive stuff. Like his computer. And then I had a chance to go over there house to meet with on stories who are here in these these years Reichl of reacting to each other in such a way that it became inhumane. How do you break the vicious cycle we'll talk about that on Thursday so now you have the common person. Arguing with each other arguing with children how many of you argue with children and then you go to God or you can pray have mercy. Sometimes we become so on how the I mean I've been there too sometimes we get so unhealthy that you would. I'm going to like discipline my child I'm going to show her or a chore we yeah. I need to be careful and be neutral I need to show that I'm the boss on the 1 with authority and then we trample all their spirit to appall in we're while we think that we're winning but we're actually destroying both of those argument doesn't get you anywhere right I have a story to tell you. Mothers should learn this so you tell your daughter take out your trash so you're my parents you tell me OK you tell me so you tell me. Mom I did it yesterday take to keep on saying Take out the trash OK. Mom you know how come I'm doing the 1 who's doing it. Mom I'm going to do it later. Mom OK OK Our Remember book I'm going to do it OK I'm going to do it. So a. Actually mothers can use to sound like a broken record or take out the trash pick up to take out the trash. They got. You don't need to what are you. You don't need to argue and that is maad small power for the if you'll take of the press no dinner nothing. I hate Syria I hate you know. Then you fight with kids in argue with him and you take them to the bathroom and OK I mean spending you deserve. I was there meant I was trying to spend my child will when my child was little and this this child got to a certain point when I was about to spent this child this child look at me I too as a dad don't you know the spanking doesn't work for me I. You need more spanking but. But but the little boy is the Holy Spirit started to tell me you know why I hate to tell you that she's right. Sometimes we spent our kids like out of anger but then in words like you know how much I love you and sparingly because out of the lot it is hurting you so marchin. You're right you're right become parents wait. No argument is needed somebody tried to argue with you just say NO argue don't argue don't get stuck again here once you get something we become a what slave slay either to somebody else's anger or your own anger I can't believe this person is actually saying it this way but I have all the progs allowed everyone says you know I can't be quiet you know brother and sister Honey we're not talk sometimes I send texts and somebody you know what out of all respect I chose not to engage in a discussion about this with you anymore please respect and. If somebody in your spouse your spouse try to argue with a fight with you hey hey hey hey I'm not denying you I'm not rejecting you don't just walk away man has attended It's just like walk away and then they don't come back until they get hungry and you don't do that don't do that they did you walk away that's a worsening can do to your wife you like to see feel rejected so before you go is a hey honey it's not going to work I'm not rejecting you I'm not the 1 you are. Doing all that but I need some time because I don't want to be managed you can see I don't want to go to jail. What ever the way you can get away from being in that messy and fiery place where we all been to him and yeah and then you come to me you can't meaning it can't pray you know how it affects us it takes a long time for us to heal from that taking it too personal you know what human dysfunction works in such a way that anything dysfunctional anything to is functional tends to be extreme very interesting anything dysfunctional tends to be exchanged what I mean by that is this. Either we become overly overly sensitive. OK that's a problem or we become what. Apathetic. You don't feel anything so either way either you become oversensitive apathetic candy or sign up on health Innes and then that really you know just being part of the light beings in celebrity passive aggressive woes some people don't even argue with you don't even say that they're not going to do it but the choir those are the ones who like. Watch out they're winning all the time you think that you're raising your voice and you think you're winning but there are those quiet ones those little and. Ladies who doesn't say anything they're like deep in their heart they resolve. You see who's going to win. In the fire you once moves to someone who's. Been at the core but doesn't show it it's. Pensive or depends if this is this is interesting I need to share this. Our patterns of now we're getting into a patterns of relating in that when where why and gets worked in that we become a slave like the Bible says slave to sin and slave to south slave to south absorbtion slave to gratify unself you can name it in any way you want but you know the idea of slavery is there and then there is 2 kinds of slavery which is a patterns of relating that can become a that shows up in an extreme manner OK 1 would be show would be showing up in a way that that you become so dependent on the other and you become so pounded with the other to a point were you have no sense of self and when you do that what happens is that you know when you get so dependent on other people for your own sense of value then we become 1 persecutory we end up pitting ourselves think too lowly of ourselves. Or lack of how to solve false humility you know and St Paul's humility but then on the other hand while decide has to a lot of self but here is what too much of what healthy self so desire the too low of a healthy side but too much of a healthy side there with people exaggerates inflated ego thing too highly of self too much of an untried and all of this comes down boils down to a place where you become what bondage in yourself and that's call that's called bondage that we're going to talk about Libya later and so either way you don't want to exaggerate yourself you don't want to you don't want to put yourself to a pair of store you want to in a put your stuff to to a place where you were it's not really realistic about who you are but or over on the other hand you don't want to be a place where you trample yourself down to a point where you become like a doormat and Either way it's not a healthy place to be but it all begins with a life of slavery I must tell you this 1 from my own experience tell you this 1 OK this 1 very very important here. This is Asian way this is Asian way of connecting and then that is Western way of connecting in a generally speaking did I tell yesterday and this way you have so much bonding to a point where you become like sticky rice you know what I mean you get stuck together and then you know my mother would pack me a stick you rise for lunch like brown sticky rice or that's the worst kind. Because my mother pack me brown sticky rise it takes like couple hours for her to make it back then because she didn't have the pressure cooker so every morning 5 o'clock I would hear this sound because you would make a brown rice you know within a pot within a pile you put 2 parts in a boil the water and make that stick RICE It takes about 4 hours and she makes that and then I take it to school by the time lunch comes up and then I use my Chapstick to try to scoop up some rise the whole thing came up. It became a rice kid. There is no individuality you know him saying Yeah and so that's what I'm talking about you become too bonded took point where you become what mashed just like a sticky rice you become dependent then you become desperate you are riven by the fear of rejection or dislike you ended up staying with someone who's not good good for you I mean I'm talking about like dating somebody come on Timmins a pass or how come I'm a force or for using this kind of language how come the who is the losers well may be number 1 like yourself back of sub identity. And then you allow yourself identity and cell values to be dependent on some bodies of light or acceptance much to a point where you cannot let go what's on the healthy for you and we become dependent and less than what you deserve or need no individuality place of suppression lack of self identity on healthy bonding no boundaries no boundaries you know when I was growing up in Korea it's kind of funny you know now and now I learn about Korean called grew up in Korean culture I came here and learn about American culture I don't know who I am. You know like funny thing is that I went back to Korea to meet up with my friends I don't feel comfortable being there it's funny I'm not korean anymore you know like your career like a power down and then you're always like great people if I'm truly Korea I go to Korea spill like 2 weeks of vacation greeting everybody that's all you do you go Ingrid is people if you don't do that they get mad at his son you came Salander you went bad sign would you do without seeing me they get mad. So I don't know who I am I'm not korean I'm not American. And there is a word for it on Comerica. But I want to tell you that I'm not here to promote Korean culture nor American culture because. All human culture is incomplete has its limitations and nothing is superior than the other and we're not here to promote any of the human culture we're here to promote the image of Christ Amen which doesn't necessary call against of human Carter but it goes Be Young the human heart you know and that's what if I have come through with you know my wife when I got married to her I got cheated. And as a rule when you mean well I got cheated and she got cheated too so we made it equal. I thought my wife was more Korean then she was. Because when you're dealing you behave like they're right here you know and then and then when they were when I was working in so I thought she was more Korean than she were and she thought I was more American than I was. So when you get married what happens like do I follow an American way of Korean we're on a man's or you should follow Korea where we get it where it makes more money whatever. You know to me so the way to resolve human conflict is now found in human values human values are already conflicting and only way to find resolution when it comes to human conflict is to be driven by the higher value which is the value of God which is the image of God. Amen and image of God tells us that hey God created Adam and Eve what our Him is and his image our image and that's that's that's the reason there but I knew he created Adam and it independently so this is crazy right to imagine there is no individuality and then I'm going to tell you live in later what happens when this system doesn't work out it's very very very very dangerous on the other hand independent OK in the name of independency right by the of eatin you get out of the house right and so in the name of Independence it was a point of what isolation too much boundary with no bonding fear of hurting truss fear of commitment cold that put there you lack of understanding no empathy survivor mode no generosity lack of grace and that's what Korean people when it comes to food everything they have to make everything like funny they have to make either everything still hot temperature hot to a point where the person your tongue but being able to eat that without you know burning your tongue that's a skill. But then Funny thing is that as cold this winter day you're on a hot summer day you something really hot to fight the hot weather. Does that make sense yeah but it makes sense to me. Because when you're hot on a summer day you have something hotter than the hot weather you come out all while weather is chilly Whoa. Oh a cold winter day you had something corridor like a like a called the new rules and the you will put ice in it so the Koreans are crazy all right look there are you reading that right you know you know name yellow or the blue and then you come out all weather is not they're called. So funny anyway anyway. Anyway what I'm trying to tell you is this this is this is really really really interesting I want to tell you I'm going just tell you this my mother's family were in this place they're all mashed in the name upon being in love each other they're willing to die for each other they exist for 1 another but very tragic thing happen in our family you know how how in Chinese word human being is like this this person is worth the candle or the other person I mean they did this person is depending you have the right you know and say it's very dependent dependent kind of you know really telling and so my mother was the 1 my mother had a younger brother and the younger sister and their youngest brother and then my mom. He was he was so young to a point where he was little bit older than me so my mother even with my mother's father died my mother took over the caring world you know role and so she even raised him up we grew up together. And then tragic thing happened when my mother turned 41 she died of a liver sources. She was a pastor's wife in a when I was growing up I thought being 41 was old. But then men when I turned 41 was like what my mom died at my age is I couldn't believe I couldn't fathom but anyway my mother died there was a big scar in my life big void in my life because I was 17 and my youngest brother was only 12 but anyway when my mom died what happened you know what happened when they were so emotional only depend on my mother for everything you know in in she was the stores that knew the family together so when she died her younger brother who was faithful in the church and it up out of depression and it up to him. And indeed died of liver Sirus. Couple was ill and no 1 knew about it know what that this is crazy thing no 1 knew about it an administrator's he died of to think you can even talk about you can't even talk about it and then. My youngest my mind my my own call youngest brother of my mom internalize that tragic tragic death of my mom thinking that it was him giving her the burden of having to take care of him you know how our brain can get so distorted to a point where like I've killed my sister I kill my sister he carried that wound in there so long and then he ended up having stroke. Now his Spirit walks and so she died he died my grandmother died of pain. And then my you know aunt is the only 1 who is healthy out of all I don't know how she ended up being so help the kids that I can't play in this family. I mean my sister died but why do we all have to bear you with and with her I'm going to choose life and so what happened is that when you become soul in MASH independent What happen is that when the source of dependency is gone then the system collapse and you might say hey that's what Western culture is better right. You know that Asian corridor that's created you know everyone dies together Law I don't want to be there. I don't want to die I'm glad I'm not Asian you know are not I'm good I'm not eating sticky rice. Exhaust the whole system slowly for surely it is just sucking the energy out of the system slowly but surely to a point like the pollution. Let's talk about Western culture in a place of detachments problem with detachment is that it does not seek what outside help is like Home Depot mentality I can do it myself. And then no feedback is needed only range 0 type right even family members I mean you take independent is so far then even family members don't even aware of the crisis you find out after someone in the family dies and then you go there and this person's been there by themselves for so long and no 1 has called in not to blame anybody but when you are in their place of isolation. And that's that brings a crisis to let me tell you about something since we are on this. Issue of resources very very important lesson. Sometimes. Sometimes I wanted to contextualize when I see certain things because I don't want to get in trouble I don't want to be misunderstood sometimes we spiritualize things too much to a point where are we going to God as a cop out as an it seeks gape you know what I'm talking about all I need is what God that can be dangerous that can be dangerous all I need is God in the 2nd Coming I just want to go to heaven that's all I need that can be dangerous why because of what I'm about to share. There was there were 2 gentlemen. There were 2 gentlemen who were equally pan corrupt. They both were bankrupt. Their economic situation as kitchen and background were similar and the business pursued and everything were similar and then the devastation the kind of devastation they had to endure were similar and then. They both were in a case where you know unfortunately their wives left you know when you're bankrupt your wife leaves I mean you know that's worse and that can happen and yet the way they respond to the crisis were totally different 1 person A became isolated by detached being detached. You know just persecuting solve and blame everything on self or others in angry sad and all that and then within a year this person develop terminal illness and he die I don't want to burden anybody else it's better for me to go and yet this person realize that he does not have the resources within to get him out of there that's an important understanding you see there is a time for us to seek help and ours as for us to seeking help is a Godly thing to do amen amen and so this person sought out help and guess what this person did you know I don't want to be isolated so he ended up making schedule with all these people around Monday I'm going to meet this person Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and then we can have lunch with these people I'm going to go to counseling I'm going to go to church I'm going to be involved in a small group within 1 year he started to get back on my life and the 1 thing I didn't tell you to both were millionaires and this guy and becoming a millionaire again and I'm not talking about being a millionaire that's a success I mean but he was able to be healed and the restore the cause he was able to withdraw he was able to get the resources that were what outside of it and many of our each choose I want to tell you many of the times the issue is that while the while we do not have the resources that would who are within We're trying to do something else trying to overcome it trying to rescue ourselves while we keep on doing the same thing and that's a kind of sign of insanity isn't it maybe it is time for it for us to seek out help. Go outside of our boundaries to get help and so forth what time is it 310 OK So we have 5 more minutes and are people like me to see. Those who are in mashed the issue that hinders them from seeking help is a sense of shame sense a shame because I do not want to be open to somebody else to put my anti-air family to shame and so the counseling is a taboo being open to somebody else is taboo and so there is so much a secret within that you know in mass the system do you know that that that's because of what sense of shame shame and there's a story about Asian people when they when they go to the Bat have how many been to the Korean sound or Asian sound in never been to agents Korean sound OK Korean sound it's us alone sell us our not so long solo on. Son our sauna. Sorry I'm still Korean OK. Yeah I just heard yesterday I. Saw a Santa in a Santa OK I'm learning I'm learning OK I'm not embarrassed but I'm learning Santa Santa so it's funny you go to the Santa and then when you are Korean Santa in a manner on their own when on their own you take off everything. Funny thing happened 1 day I went to somewhere and then 1 of the others take me to sound a sauna sign. Of OK It's like a film has really hard Santa so I went to the sauna and then with him I went to Santa so we were in this hot tub and I hope you know sizzling in like almost losing your mind when you feel like who can endure more right and they were sweating like crazy and then 1 Filipino guy was up about to come in I can never I will never forget just come in with his swimming suit. Then there was 1 career and gentlemen like over there a guy looked at him Hey hey hey take of your pants. And then he took over as if there is no tomorrow is like oh I can't do that and he took all that I never saw him again. And then Funny thing is that 1 it is an Asian Carter when you're shamed when you're shamed 1st thing you do let's say let's say you know sound has a fire and then the wall come down and then everybody come on naked. That's 1 reason you don't want to go to sauna maybe but anyway so everybody come on naked then what happened to Asian people it's like hey what do they do is that they hide their food. While while the Western They hide their private parts and little. Hiding their faith. Because for aid for is Sharon's face saving is so important. Face saving face saving. So they don't want to open up they don't want to be naked in front of other people and not in sauna but you know. So what happened is that what happened is that because of shame which is true to Western culture to a degree to because of shame you try to mask things and you know you cover up things and then you and it up heading so all match secrets did you know that shame and secret work together as a team you know how to break the shame pattern in our lives. This may be a lesson in and of itself how do you break the long in like generation we're tied generational change and there's a secret. You should never talk about it we don't talk about it I study and chain and I found some fascinating things about. Is that once you and I learn to be courageous enough to be open about your shame so that it is nor longer of what sacred and then shame goes away a matter of course you don't have to announce it to a whole mission conference and you don't have to like you don't have to tell the whole word you know and in that time what I'm saying yeah I need to qualify as you know I don't always use start going around hey let me tell you you know bar my secret you know no that's not the way to do it but you need to do it in a place where you feel safe and secure How do you create a place of security and safety very very important we all need to have this you create a place of security and safety when you are able to be you are free to be born or a ball without feeling shame or guilt ridden is there amazing you can be open share of yourself you know that's how husband and wife needs to be. I tell you husband I have a secret to tell you and those were Don't tell me don't I don't want to know. But when you're able to talk about it even though it hurts you're able to embrace each other in a way that you're not put down shame or you know label as someone who's guilty as charged. Everyone of us in order at this is a challenge I wish you could just go to God and be here it's not that simple in order for us to be healed in order across the come out of the closet in order for us to be free from shame and guilt in our lives we need to be courageous 1 thing but we are so need to have a safe haven the place where you can be yourself without being chained and you know what Genesis chapter 2 tells us that Adam and Eve were naked and yet they were not what are they like being son you know we need that experience in a small group we need to have there was somebody in your life where you can be saved enough to be who you are with all the hang ups with all the make of you can set it aside and then you can be vulnerable to 1 another and the share of witnesses to a minute time is up so. Tomorrow I'm going to have to talk about our 3 spiritual conditions which I was going to talk about I can finish it but tomorrow we're going to have to do that and then 3 important you know brokenness is that we have to deal with so let's just and with prayer let's end with prayer thank you for coming thank you for your interest in this vital issue of life Lord we come to we're coming to realize the challenges that we have to deal with with our inner self with a relational brokenness and dysfunction that we have been given to deal with is beyond what we can handle on home. But amazing thing is that though we are weak on our all while each of us are representing a sense of incompleteness and imperfections but when we're weak people like us coming together in the name of Jesus and learning to be courageous enough to create a safe haven for 1 another and to be open and to come together and you bring healing in our lives Lord with thank you with thank you for giving us the tools that we can use to bring your healing into our lives and I pray that you would give us the courage you would give us the wisdom you would give us that grace that we need in order for us to really truly truly experience the freedom that comes with knowing the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives Lord may we be healed by your power in Jesus's name Amen Amen Amen Amen. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about yours or if you would like to listen to more sermons. 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