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5. From Presumptions to Faith

Dr. Sung Hyun Um Jewel Um

Conference

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  • June 19, 2017
    12:00 PM
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The 1 time the person came to me for counseling right came to me for counseling and then here and I you know the person and I are there and this person is engrossed into cell phones. Yeah I'm talking even while I'm talking you know not even trying before hand but while I'm talking while the. Conversation going on and his spirit take up the phone and without even telling me anything. I mean. I don't take I didn't take it personal but you don't even realize how addicted you are and I was addicted to ministry I was addicted to pleasing people and so whenever somebody calls even if in the middle of eating you know dining time I would get a call when kids are growing up and they would get mad at me and my expression my door Dad you can't do that which is really into quality time you need to encourage that I had 2 daughters who could challenge me in a way that I had to listen. I had to listen it's a great day when you're learning when you're able to humble before your carrots. Even though it's paying for it hurts your ego but it's a good thing you know why God has given us children. You know why God has given our children. Because that's the only way we learn. And so learn from your children and I came for I came to realize in my life that my kids are very than me I always tell my kids you guys are better than me. Alyssa I did something good you guys are better than we are progressing. That means that means I'm going to have to learn from them as well. You know and as long as I get defensive and offensive it's not going to get anywhere near and sometimes and addiction is a problem with me was this I want to tell you problem with me my kind of addiction had to do with it in my mind had to do with my unconscious realize that unconsciously in my mind family is not a place to be fulfilled and so that you look elsewhere to before. You go outside of the home to be accepted and to be valued then print praise and be you know be in touch with your own sense of value and so forth how it worked and how you know messed up that is right as we're going to talk more about that and that's why. We already have this pattern without us realizing that you know family is a place where there's a lot of sickness and you grow up thinking realizing that it's. Not only you have. It's not that you have a home sick you're sick of home then you don't call home being proactive about meeting your needs and meeting the needs of family being home by being 1 present we're going to talk about that later too what he means to be present it is 1 thing you know mankind has given man a special ability I guess you can be an ability while somebody is talking to you you can listen in on that while you listen and know that you're can be somewhere else. Right. And I'm Ira tells me I told you those things oh no I never heard of that. And so we need to learn to be present because otherwise we we have all kinds of addiction in our lives even the good things helping other people as well you can be a good thing and yet allow that to be an escape in our lives. You know the people with the problem with the whoring to 10 not. Like you know give up certain things clean up does the holding on to everything and you know why they do that. They do that because they have of false a sense of intimacy with all those things that. You see sex addicts false a sense of intimacy even formed south can give you a false sense of intimacy you feel well connected as long as you're responding to somebody talking to somebody you feel connected while young you try to replace that Tekken you know technological connection with a void that cannot be filled up because your relationship with your spouse and children is totally disconnected and therefore you try to have their false sense of connection and intimacy with things that will not satisfy him and secondly what gives you anger is a lack of primary attachment Tuman we talked about that attachment connection the primary connection as a as a as a you know child being in mother's womb we talked about that which is very much needed. And then 02 months is so important that somebody your mother and father are there to work to empathize with you to join with you when you're sad that they join in your sorrow and so for that's that's that's 1 of Suman being in tune with you. When you don't have that you develop for it an emptiness and that for it that place of void is filled with anger physical touch is very important it is no wonder God gives and a dog not only children to said that in order for a child to thrive they need about 8 hugs a day. And that you think that at all needed it as well we need it that's why God gave Adam and Eve sexuality to be physically in touch that's why I like you know shaking the hands of people it's 1 thing for me to say hi and greed is a funny thing happened in Asian culture in American culture I don't know physically you guys are more you know you guys are freer than Asians where we have some interesting interesting you know. Patterns in Asian culture where I go to you know airport and then as long as my loved ones are far away their body language is freer to hear how whatever and there is then as they come really close then they become very awkward and their body just really frozen and to a point where the shake hands and then I I find it interesting everybody everybody is like a military turn and then go out to the gate you know. It's like automatic We don't know what to do with what being being close to people. So when I 1st came when I saw people hugging and everything oh wow this is this must be a Christian country. Without realizing that there's a lot of isolation here as well you may say How are you but you're not really meaning it right. As a 1 time I tried to play a joke in the seminary somebody asked me How are you and I'm going to play a joke in the movie I try something really terrible don't do that OK because I was a how are you a sit in a quiet voice my mother just passed away oh great Have a great time. He didn't hear me. And then I was actually being rude to that person you don't open up your heart to somebody when somebody asks how are you which is only a cliche well done somebody ask you how are you how do you suppose respond. You don't say terrible you say was fine or not bad interesting not bad you know yeah cliche to cliche it's not time to really open up your hearts for that but physical touch and you know attunement an attachment it's such an important important aspects of our lives you know I was talking to this guy who who came with me for this can't mean 1st time in its lot actually this kind of can't mean the 1st time ever in his life he has a hearing impairment and people have a hard time listening to him but even yesterday night. Something happened that he's hearing aid broke no longer works. So I was using like all kinds of these in hand and trying to communicate with him. And then at the end of our conversation he was there until like 1030 I mean noodles very he loves my new rules. He loves the way I make it so I make him noodle every day I'm like his wife now. So I'm making him neuros and then he leave those neuros and I'm now a lot of those names zone 1 dine in the know how to make this thing but it's not it's not about noodles. It's about being connected. And then we have by your language and I know how to make him laugh I know how to make him laugh. And then he's a man I love you so much. You're so much fun. Everyone what really nourish is a nurture us as a human being hey even the animals need physical touch right they did a study on monkeys and they got 3 monkeys together mother monkey puppet monkey and baby monkey and then they did something horrible to the mother monkey while the baby was breastfeeding and being breast fed and so they'd put the wires around the Mother Earth sorry not you now you what wire around the mother except the press part and try to see what the speedy monkey would do guess what he did he would suck in the milk from the mother from her breast while his body was leaning toward the father who has a for the skin. Even the monkeys are created to have what physical touch. So I want to tell you today don't play too tough. I don't need that you're dying inside. You're not going to be well as a person that's not the way we become strong we become strong by receiving the kind of nutrients that we need not only with physical food but are so emotionally or physically memory got to live out the creative creation order of God We need to follow the internet the problem with me was that like I already had so much energy I already had so much energy with my with my temperament with my personality guards give me a lot extra energy because I'm going everywhere and then when I got married in men my relationship my wife gave me even more energy. So without having sense of direction and lack of discipline what would that lead to. Chaos. And my wife was traumatized by that and so all that energy is great and wonderful we need them but we need to do it in a healthy way you can use it in a proper way 3rd 1 is important lack of bonding dialogue and communication we are made to communicate we are made to be and this guy my friend when he realizes he cannot communicate well you get so frustrated he gets old town and 1st thing is that yes the he has been enjoying can mean so much and 1st thing is that I want to go home I want to fix this things because we are created to communicate and not let me tell you something really powerful about communication OK with the time we have there are 5 levels of communication. JOHN PAUL Well in his small little book called Why am I afraid to tell you who I am it's a spirit small tiny book and from that book I gained this insight that stays meet me for ever and in that book he talks about 5 levels of communication we are made to communicate but we are made to communicate in a way that we're all allow us to Vonda deep her we're not just been created to hey did you have dinner you know the kind of conversation I had with my dad there whenever he comes home he has 2 things did you do your homework. And then go to sleep. And even though I knew that he loved me but we didn't have much conversation with him and whenever he tried to tell me something it is like 10 commandments. Funny thing was that when I was coming to United States against my father's wish my mother gave me money to come and this is all I have you go and you survive and you know whatever you do with this money it's up to you. And then finally I was trying to I was getting you know getting into the airport and then my father stopped me and then he gave me a letter for his time ever received a letter from my dad he said when you get on the airplane. When you feel uncertain about your future and want. When you have some time to yourself read this letter. So I got really curious about that and there are I couldn't now wait so I put in my pocket but I had to obey right you know and so I was up in the air meant that plan was going for ever through darkness right. You know stark in just going for ever I felt like it was just like and then I remembered the letter I took out and I put the letter in literally looked like 10 commandments. Short and you know hit to the point 1st thing he said Be watch watch for it watch out for a woman. He said you need to come back to Korea. Which I paled. And then secondly this scares with money because your mom you know. We're made to communicate to you know that to this day I carry I still treasure that letter that he sent me a few of those letter I received from my dad even though he looked like a 10 commandment so I lowered this in my father's hand written letter and he just poured out his heart in that letter for the sun the way. We're made to communicate and there are 5 levels 1st level is cliche. It is the kind that you say how are you part. Many of the church members remain on that level. Have to Sat and then 2nd level is exchange of information many of the guys are in the. I heard that even the ladies are in their level when they come to church they had did you know that means he has 75 percent say or. It ends tonight. So you have to do a little bit of compromise. You share explained permissions as husband and wife we get together did you know that your mother in laws you know your mother's birthday is a source and then refrigerate the profoundly. Oh we have to make a car payment or whatever. If our conversation. If our conversation remains here we are we're remaining on a level of being functional functional is much better than being nonfunctional. But that's not what Rio what we were created to be right. And what's interesting is that while the guys get together and talk about the weather what happens you see exchange of information is a level that you do when you all get on or you know escalator all of a sudden you you could be into that small space you make sure that nobody release any gas or something you know in a mixture and then you get into the small space and then there is somebody always break does break the silence right our Isn't the weather wonderful when you're wonderful you get out. But a lot of times our conversation kind of remain in that level you know and man tends to stay here forever they don't share their heart to heart with somebody else you know man to man and then target. So off to this point we can only guess or far there's no intimacy that gets created as long as we remember on this 2 levels. But from the 3rd level interesting begin to happen you begin to get somewhere in your relationship with each other it's called it's called. Airing a good time together this is where the laughter comes in this is where the humor comes in this is where the play comes in when you play together when you do things together and having so much fun you create the kind of intimacy that gets very very bonding and healthy I remember playing Baali ball with some of our church member and I came to realize that you know when I started the church in California for young adults we only had all the singles and all of a sudden you know Time passed and they had children I began to attend their birthday parties I used to go a lot of weddings. And then lot of birthday parties and then they came to a point where they could play volleyball with me and so we got together just the 4 of the girls and then me we got together start playing volleyball and just basically you know tossing to each other with up falling down to the ground and then guess what we did it up to 60 times as they got so excited let's do it more than 100 times and guess what how many times we did without ever you know you know you are falling and we did it 160 times. Wow after that what happened there was a sense of connection that God created you know I didn't hate this pastor's quote he can play games with us play ball with us and so part of time I was about to leave all of those girls who play volleyball with me they can nearby my car they were alive following down to me like in Korea we're like who cares do you prove safe. Because we've. Connected play time equals with bonding time not just kids ball are so for the adults as well and then it's interesting how ladies for ladies to get married ladies get married I mean the secular studies shows that ladies get married to to have companion and to be understood to be appreciated that's the language that men need to know if you know their language know how to say it you don't even need to do the dishes your life will get much easier you know. Otherwise you've got to do all the dishes and then do that for ad for and not being appreciated I'm not kidding. And then in the later years when when a wife is popular among children or husband is always left over because he's 1 more person to take care of so you take care of yourself stay home there's food in the refrigerator. If Jesus come out see you in heaven you know. Hear him say so so you know it is often the case that man gets left out after having done so much for the family that's why man dies a year. So you know point. Woman are useful to the end. That's why I learned how to cook. As a Korean man I learned how to cook that that's a miracle. Because I never went into kitchen before my mother didn't allow me to go into kitchen but when I got married I figured things out you know funny thing was that my father was so powerful in his own you know it is own sake because when he came over to my house he set down on the dining table as soon as he set down in 5 minutes chopstick came for everything came food came all you had to do is up and down vertical exercise and eating. And I look at my farm and he is so powerful Laura help me to be like him. And then he's gone as I try to emulate my father. As out down in a dining table in 10000000 even 10 minutes after not the was coming. So days gone out the window and so my daughter got married and then I happened to go out there to spend time with them and then being at Andrews Michigan I mean parent spring since I have to take take care a lot of young people college student there always are. And then food talks more than anything so you know the way I visit people we cook food I call like. This much and they go around and giving game cheer like making people addicted to kimchee. You go round and giving them food and you know did they connect so I said you know I'm going to cook certain things I learned how to make certain things because our church membership from 60 to 150 went up so high that every 7 we have to cook and being helpful so when I went to California when I went to their house my daughter was busy growing working and she was busy as a lawyer everything and so I started to cook for. I stare cook inches of ice Tom plein I started me all kinds of things that never my daughter never solved me making. And then guess what happened at the end of my visit to California when I Would they were taking me to the airport my son in law was telling me almost begging me hey can you come back again up. My house is open to you any time any time I'm willing to even give you the kid come anytime. I know I know I know I knew what they were thinking. You see so have been fun playing together in joy the time with each other while the man gets married to be understood and to be appreciated what man I mean woman woman Nan marries to have a what play partner. So if your husband wants you to go golfing with you or do things with your fishing with you or anything you know there are decent things to do with you and you don't say Oh I read or study the Bible. Do this and do that I'm not interested in just wasting time that really hurts the man. Because man gets connected have ever seen men getting together a today let's not please all sports let's just have a heart to heart dialogue. Maybe in San Francisco today. Scuse me for the. 1 time 1 time I went to a 1 time I went to a the show and then a little did I know that that's an area where lot of the gay people live and then as I look around like everyone's gay and just like wow I mean it was just amazing and then even the movies and everything cured toward their need and I tell you I tell you you know 1 thing I sympathise about this whole movement is that it looks like it looks like I mean I wanted to contextualize it they get what they need to get in a way that you know may not be appropriate according to the Word of God But you know what they may have a I mean just just to talk about the fact that they are learning to be connected and then there's something that we've got to learn this people who are so connected kids don't don't don't quote me for it OK So we are created to be connected in that way and then having fun and enjoying the time with each other is just so so important how many of you in your marriage get together I've seen 1 case like I was stopping by I was laying over in Arizona and I saw these people talking I thought they were husband and wife I thought for sure they were Hussman up they were like in their late seventies or who knows and I could tell that they're really connected. They were like laughing and joking and laughing and they were just much. There and they were since I study that kind of thing I almost wanted to go there and research them. It is just so beautiful and so I shared that you know story after I came back to my you know Korean Bible study and then there are some senior citizens that were there and then they were telling me Pastor I don't think you got it right I think they were Point friend and her friend. But anyway OK that's not the point the point is point is that God has created us to have follow ship that are so much fun you know and that's what allowed us to come together closer to him and then for Glee I wish we had time to pair you guys off that's what I do sometimes pair you guys up and talk about some of the embarrassing moments in your lives. That I can share that but I don't have time for it I have some amazing story to share with you. But I'm not going to do that OK and then 4th we. So long to be humorous and learn to enjoy each other there's a family there's a family where Tony Campolo was a payment spammers you know preacher he's not a Sam That means but famous preacher he has so much sense of humor and so people ask him who got pastor were to a lot of the how did you develop that sense of humor that you were asking and that's what he said he's an Italian number 1. And then secondly said in his hometown in Italy as he was growing up. His father literally seriously would not give the kids the food on till they tell some funny stories. You know in it so he said this is what this is a catchphrase he said on the way home he was trying to figure out what to say by way of pulling his hair out that he was trying to pulling his hair out trying to figure things out and in doing so he lost all his hairs. It's a bald. Sense of humor is important. Can you imagine I conduct 2 hours of session with no phone no jokes and no nothing would you be here. Maybe not right and then fourthly you know how I learned you know how I learned. By being a youth pastor. Because I had to make it fun right no kids would listen to you if it's not quite it but funny thing was when I prepared the sermon being Korean came to United States my English was bad back then I pronounced like when I was supposed to pronounce veggie burger I said busy you know and. So I a horrible experience I was horrified you know in barest to a. Level that you would not endure anyway you know I came to a point you know in my in my journey with them that I would do everything to make it fun and interesting funny thing was that I would prepare my sermon and I said to myself this point is going to make them cry and laugh crazy but when I got to that point no 1 was laughing. And then they're laughing at some parts that I didn't even prepare for I didn't even think that they were so so that was a funny experience and I came to a point in my journey with them I say you know what you can laugh with me but don't laugh at me live with me OK even if I mispronounce certain things and laugh with me because that's part of therapy it's great God is a God of humor and then I said I may never come to a place even if I develop my English ability I mean never speak like you guys. With a partner tongue in. But I said you may never come to a place where you can speak like me when it comes to careen. So that was great for Italy you get closer when you learn to share what's born noble in your heart your own sense of born ability what has been her for. The part of sadness that you have gantry in your life when you learn to share those kind of things that are lousy you 2 come together in a way that nothing else can why because by did as you were able to create which is very important you are able to create a place of what security security. You know how marriage needs to be secure enough that you are free you're supposed to be so secure free to talk about anything without feeling like all if I say it is going to get mad he is going to throw temper tantrum and is going to you know withdraw his not to like me he's going to punish me oh he's going to appear pensive independent women have a 5 you need to feel secure and safe to be vulnerable you know and that's why when we're a spouse tells you something. Then we've got to do everything we can to create a place of security and safety so this is how I experience this 1 time my wife is telling me something that I really really didn't want to hear. How many of you experience that in your life. I heard a lot before 1000 times. How come Werman Don't forget the things that they need to forget. How come they keep bringing up things again and again and again what's wrong with them. Help me you know why data. Is. I realize that in my relationship with my wife she kept bringing things up because for her it has not been resolved. To me it's already been or is a done deal resolved but woman you know there are more. Sophisticated in a way they their brain is wired their left brain right brain is interconnected in a way that why a man is able to separate woman are not able to separate In other words if the carpets collar and the war color doesn't match then it of facts for a woman for most woman tracks their appetite. But for men it doesn't matter if you're hungry you can focus and need of course when I generalized this there are 20 percent that are opposite of it. You've been created this way not being wrong with you while you're home with the you you don't need to defend yourself yeah yeah yeah and then you know I look at them when I see my wife losing her appetite it's like wow that's amazing so you don't say hey you're not hungry and of OK let me tell you. You know what you need to start a no no no no you're a sensitive husband you go there. At the Beacon Street. Did you know that did you know that the picture on the wall is crooked if you like crooked. I mean I'm exaggerating. Because a woman are connected in that way and so then it takes a longer time for them to let go of names right because they're like and and that's the reason why I did remember a batter not because woman have a better brain. According to the study man has a better brain than woman generally speaking but problem with managed that we start losing about like 40000 cells by ideas of 40. And so we start losing a lot and therefore a woman ladies you need to be you need to be compassionate to your husband because funny thing is that when there is a conflict and then when the woman gets angry then they speak better they talk better and they talk faster than ever and what happens to a man and 1 woman approaches a man like that. And then if that happens to a man a man is right number 1 I don't deserve this and then secondly there grin resists. And then they don't know what to say. Please men if you do not know what to say don't say anything. Because whatever you say that comes out of your mom you're going to get it that's going to get you in trouble. No food no dessert lumping. You know. Woman's hysterical response to a man comes out of their passion and desire and need for connection I remember 1 time my wife came up to music how do you. Who woke up and the men members were on safe Well not only woman gets hysterical and then they get historical to right and the man feels I know I or I don't mean there is a little what happens to men when it comes to a hysterical situation like that man with the role and then they go into their own caveman has their own cave. They only come out when they're hungry they need to sleep. So we need to learn to be compassionate to each other vulnerable. Werman And man needs to create an environment where we can make it say for each other very very important aspects we're going to continue right at 2 a car. OK. I Q OK OK OK Thank you yeah thank you so we need to make a safe in that if a woman opens up and share a heard like everything and then inmates you feel like man I'm working so hard I am trying everything to prove but this woman is not appreciating who I am demanding more and more out of me I don't feel accepted I don't feel respected. That's the time when you have a challenge to make it safe for her how. How amazing thing happens you don't even have to agree with her and that's the catch point man feels like if you don't agree with her then you can listen to her No no no no no you don't have to agree with her and you all you can say listen to her all she says and Lance has honey I hear you. It's been it's been really her for when I did this and Donna is that what you're saying. Even though it hurts you even though you get personal even though you know your ego's is crushed in 1 hour and you see we no longer are us the way to the emotion of somebody else we become what sons and daughters of God So our acceptance that we need we got it from what Jesus we got it from God so I can be a man to her 1 time my wife came out to me as a honey. I'm supporting new to school and all of the men I'm tired in and all that. On 1 hand in my mind I was about to say I can even add working all my life in now you know a couple of years helping me you complaining it keep it up when. I was about to say that. But something stopped me as I need to be a man and guess what I said Hey honey it must be so hard for you why don't you take a break take a sick leave and get some rarest as soon as I said that she said No no I need to go back to work. This woman are called to be understood and then to your man you need to we need to change the way we treat him in a way that there's certain things that will not work for ever when it comes to your men what would that be. Nagging. Follow up to me we're going to nag and nag nag nag nag that's nagging Negron doesn't work men just like zones out instead we need to learn to pour out our hearts in a way that makes him feel important to me 1 time my wife came up to me and said Honey. You are the only 1 who can give me the connection that I need. Do you want me to go somebody else to meet our needs since you're so busy no I want you to meet their needs I want us to have that connection you are the more important person in my life who when she said that I could not say that I'm not that important. And I realized wow to this woman I am all that she has we need to make it safe and secure that book is small his book will teach us that is really really valuable lessons there vulnerable. Make it safe and then if this is what I'm trying to say is that you need to when you are able to share your life with lessons life lessons and when you're able to share insight. Insight for life when you're able to share the stuff that you learn from your own life and you know to open up and share those things with each other you see when my when I go back home you know I'm going to experience something with my wife you know. Just been in California for like 10 days and she's going to come back on Monday I'm going to meet her and then she's going to ask me how was the cat meaning then how would usually Man respond. Oh it was wonderful so how was it was great how was it it was amazing how was it it's hard to tell you all that happened you need to kind of be there to learn all that. You know I came back to America and the mother asked me a great amazing wonderful for you know you got experience very useful. But that's not the way woman talks man when it comes to conversation we go from A to what. But when it comes to woman aid to be good to see but then some moron a trade us. Woman are detailed right I can give you all the illustrations but we need to learn how to talk and in our relationship with our spouses specially with our wives you know what would arrive so so I learned that lesson so I K I went to Korea I was supposed to go out with my brother and then I kept talking to my wife on the phone he thought that I would finish in 5 minutes but I kept talking and kept talking to our target and then my brother came in and that it was like a little man my brother is gone that's not brother I know and I tell you my wife taught me so much about what he means to communicate in this round of communication woman almost need to be a coach and man really needs to be coached because we do not know how to do those kind of conversations but when I learn how to communicate with my wife the way I did it revolutionized my ministry because I learned how to be heart to heart with people you know people would come to me I'm not bragging about anything people come to me you've experienced it you know people have come to me to pray and I only have a couple minutes with them and then they're already in tears in crying how do you know Pastor you already know my heart IP already connected with you women are given with this amazing. Ability to connect and therefore they have this innate desire to be connected on that level with your husband. But be patient make a safe. And coaching him without controlling him without its acting things tell him that he's the most important person in your life you know what when man feels that he is the most important important person in her life then feels like he is on the top of the word Amen and me making it safe and what whatever the last thing I was saying sharing insides of life instead of just sharing about the day is by what you learn in you know kind of wisdom you gain therefore this is the key point in order for a cultural communication to go really deep per did on a deep history level the team his level of communication is something that we experience on a spiritual level that's a spiritual realm that's why if you were to have an even. You know meaningful and pounding any explosive kind of even sexuality I don't have time to talk about sexuality that will wake everybody up but you know I don't have time for that but in order for us to be truly bonded even even in an intimate relationship as husband and wives what's going to take is reward and physical ability and skill all those techniques but what's going to take is the kind of bonding that God wants us to have as humanity heart to heart and that is on a what spiritual level. So I want to challenge each and every 1 of you to come together spiritually is so important by sharing your values together by sharing your precepts and understanding of God together you know what I mean as as my husband and wife as husband and wife my wife and I get together within marriage 3030 years how much time you can spend sharing about your emotions for each other. I love you. I love you I know I love you. You mean a lot to me I know you mean a lot to me I mean the whole world to me Can you imagine just saying that for. You even though you need to say that every day. But there's so much you can say emotionally right but when it comes to GA there's just so much to talk about our. Talk about my youth you know my kids love to hear hear me about how I grew up in all our stuff going on when I'll share about the lesson that I learned from my life you know when I share about the Bible or the insides that the Bible has made my wife and I get together you know like almost like a couple of times a week and we study the Bible together that's how I started to date her side in the English very well I say hey can you teach me. And then I chose the book called Desire by ages. That's a dangerous book. Desirability. And I tell you we got to we are need and created to need. Not on a superficial and functional level but on a deeper spiritual level PM spiritual is not a spooky thing being spiritual is not just a matter of quoting the scripture which states right and wrong even though it's all part of it being spiritual is about integrating the Word of God into my life and share what that means to me how it affects me how it changes me how it all allows me to be in touch with who I am it share that with each other man that's like. Blossoming and we pray together study shows that even in terms of sexual fulfillment they said that people over 60 years old among Christian to experience the most kind of satisfaction even in their intimate relationship so if you have not reached 60 you haven't even started yet. In men those around where where we need to meet each other on a spiritual level I cannot emphasize that too much OK let's move on sense of rejection eyes which are sad that does mean turmoil as we all know that lack of accomplish or lack of transcendent purpose allows you to have this kind of anger and in a void an emptiness in your life Maslow's has has mass who has this need hierarchy were you know you start with meeting your basic needs shelter and food and all that and then be seen need for belongingness friendship and then thirdly on top of that top of the need hierarchy there is a need that will allow you to fulfill yourself solve real ideation but get this after we develop that you know hierarchy need hierarchy keep can be famous all the books psychological books recording him and all that and then 50 years before he died he came to realize something that he never realize he said whoa. There is something more to it than just being fulfilled with myself there is something more that would be more satisfying you know what that was it was too late for him to put that on the need hierarchy and he came to realize that there is something that is higher than meeting my own needs and me need being happy in my relationship with my wife and with my spouse and with family but he says we will human being is created by God in such a way that we are made to be full of fail by pursuing something beyond ourselves it's called transcendent purpose of God Amen so my wife and I are created as a couple to pursue the transcendent purpose of God to be fulfilled OK Let's talk briefly about the let's talk briefly about 2nd point OK symptoms of anger self you may not realize that you had been angered you know and I'm in and so that I have to be very specific Why what are some of the symptoms that we can detach and that would tell us that we may have been anger base so these are some of the symptoms OK Number 1 when anger when anger escalates without being able to work you know catch it before hand when you were allow your anger to escalate when somebody tells you something your 5 tells you something your husband tells you something kids telling you something then you find yourself getting like. You know escalate your anger like that then then it is obvious that you are what anger based You need to realize that I'm angry base. And the dirty things that triggers you this is this is a made in their teens that triggers your anger digital all day we are created in such a way that we are growing like we're growing roots in our brain. And Each cell can have 20000 roots in room growing and then there's appearance and anger rule to have growing in our brain for the past 20 years that I had met a girl who had been growing anger for 20 years Little did I know that whenever I preach whenever I raise my voice in my preaching she would get mad at me. And on the way out she would like to a temper tantrum task caramels or something or C. would tell me a lie. And I couldn't figure this car out we careers only what did you eat wrong you know it's almost like you know and so my wife was like this liberal on she's mad at the whole word to sleep or Little did I know that she was suffering from anger based personality disorder armless And so I moved from that church I went to a new church and they're all of sudden as I was preaching that anger base lady was coming into my church. So quickly I lower my voice. And I finished my sermon. And then she came with somebody else and then she wanted to see me. And she said Pastor Don't you remember me of course I remember you. As I'm sure you remember me because I got I got really mad at you all the time I was nasty to you and didn't say all this leading knows. But sometimes pastor have to take away I don't know what you're talking about. Nor forgive me. This lady does not I'm sure you remember I came here to tell you there was like long up to 3 years afterwards I him here to tell you. That that I needed your forgiveness. And I said why why now. And she said Pastor Little did I know little did I know why I got mad at you you know you're a nice passer but I don't know whenever you pretties I got mad and I went to counseling and I came to realize something amazing she said I came to realize that when you raise of your voice in preaching get excited in all that your voice sounds exactly like my father. So I said Tell me about your father. My father has our call problem whenever he trains and he would yell and he would scream and he would he and. I think all Morse even mother is warm I must have heard his voice and even in mother's womb I must have thought in my mind I hate that for it's when I get out I'm going to make a loser on the hook. Because he said all he remember all throughout his life is he's been mad at his father and said I'm so sorry sorry your voice was a problem. But Pastor I'm here I got better and she said I'm going to ask you something can you conduct the marriage ceremony for us. As that I'm not sure what if you get married man you know. She said no no no I told you I'm here old. She got married and later on I saw her having 2 kids a. Pastor can imagine if I haven't been able to and stop myself from being stuck Can you imagine me being stuck still then God for Jesus. Amen. We all have these triggering points we need to know what triggers you see when your anger route has grown this much it doesn't take a lot somebody even to come to you as a but even your wife you know come to you and your your mother comes to you and your daughter a mother comes to you honey you just have a dinner. If I am going to go I need OK or wall where did that come from See we all have this very point we need to know that we need to we need to know what it takes and we need to know how we get triggered and we need to allow ourselves to catch ourselves before hand Amen and then when words and actions are destructive this is important when words and actions are negative and destructive we're angry bees and other words I have nothing good to say but of always have some critical things to say about everything. Then I'm what then I'm what anger based Are you with me. And then this is important 3rd 1 is huge when 1 becomes abusive to your own immediate family members while he or she is so nice to other people too then back in for even go out there fav stop clowning is shoe somebody else while your toilet is overflowing. Is that dysfunctional we're not. Why why because you're lacking substance in your life what gives substance in our lives is the connection that I have with my wife and with my kids and with my husband because you know what in the end when trouble comes all of those people who knew help there are gone they're not there the people with the plumbing problem you help them with why you neglect your family no matter how much your family has need to know how much we have neglected our family members and so for in the end on a dead bad 1 I needing help is not those people there are going to come around who are going to be there you're a family member I've seen a lot of cases where like 1 spouse would be like husband. Has been dysfunctional has. Such a you know horrendous life and then and then and of losing one's health and then finally coming back home sick and or Tamil it is the family that would take care of you. The Fullest the thing though for all the thing we can do I've done that I've been foolish to the fall is the thing I can do is to be nice to others beyond and above while we need and while we mistreat and while we even of. Or being indifferent. To our own family members. That tells you a volume as to the kind of this dysfunction and kinds of addiction and also tells you the kind of. That we have in our lives that kind of void trying to feel it outside of a home will never ever get full feel overly bending back and forth to others why are really neglecting your family showing hospitality to others wired neglecting to meet the basic needs of the family on consciously try to meet to our net need this is this is this is a really really really really powerful stop on consciously try to meet the unmet needs of the child through acknowledgment praise or not tension of others instead of allowing the family relations to be here and fulfill you well I've been there nevertheless in the end it is the family number 4 consistently and extremely negative and unnecessarily critical of other people's accomplishment I talked about it even in the good things even after you come back from you know you would have full wedding you always have some. Negative things to say about it yeah and then then I maybe anger base number 5 overly sensitive does have to have a tendency to overreact to almost everything how many of you how many of you received praise from other people 9 times out of 10 and then you more although that 1 criticism that you receive and you can get over and you lose your sleep. Some of us do that perfectionistic people we have to get everything right and then we tend to do well on those things and we tend to be that person to be critical of others. Number 6 exhausted even before you even start any. And other words and other is you know why anger is so bad in our lives we're not talking about righteous indignation we're talking about the kind of anger that brewing in our brain in our mind in such a way that we we become unhappy and so for and then what anger does in our lives. So distressed up destructively couple of things Number 1 the anger takes away the privilege and the joy of living the moment yeah when I'm anger base I'm always I'm always paste on my past I'm really living in the past OK as long as I relieving the past I'm not able to leave the moment and therefore I don't have a life whoa whoa so does anger issue really needing to be really tell it you know. And what happens with the anger is that. Having that anger within you without doing anything takes its energy. Even though when you get angry when you get angry saw angry because you so angry and you'll be explosive and you tried to calm yourself down and then you said to him and I better do something constructive and then you end up cleaning the kitchen and then you come along while everything shining sort of your anger has an energy but then if you harbor on those energy on ness we can rightfully what happened is that it sucks the energy out of you and in the end anger based person and that being exhausted and then and being depressed as well it all correlated together. Therefore we need to save our energy on something that's constructive and positive and healthy Amen how many times we use our energy on on you know feeling guilty about the past and then worrying about the future my auntie's is she has a Ph D. in worries. And then she says she heard a sermon 1 day she came home and pastor said not to worry and then now she has 1 more worry to worry about. Worry about the fact that she worries too much right. And then apathetic you become apathetic emotionally drained out unable to cry shut tears a lack of attunement all that and a. Source of anger Let's briefly talk about it 1 thing I want to talk about source of anger is when you are childhood is taken away from you the joy of being a child and that's why. When a child grow up in a single mother home or single father home I'm not saying that can't be done but when a child growing up in the single parent family or a child growing up in a family where pants fighting all the time. You know my mother my wife had that experience as a child growing up her parents didn't get along and they were in specially fighting when they were in the car. And the mother got so mad and then she was trying to like get out and it gets dangerous and my wife was telling me that she was in the middle behind the back seat and she was trying to like trying to like you know trying to mend their relationship and then you internalized those things and you start worrying about your parents you start caring that weren't in carrying the burden of the happiness of their parent your parents. Then then it becomes so huge that your childhood is taken away from you when you feel like you lost your child because of having to worry about your parents it's over and then that takes that makes you really angry then you become really anger based 1 time or the young man who is in his he was 35 and then what happened was that he and you know his mother and father didn't get along so they separated they didn't legally separate but physically separated so this man always in Tucson always had this burden of caring for both trying to mend their relationship or coming to realize it's impossible and so then what happened is that this mother whom who did not get connection that she needed from her a POS been and she was trying to side with her son to get the emotional connection that she was supposed to get from her husband and ended up creating your 1st son as a what mama's boy is their mama's boys in Western culture too. So he became mama's boy so much so that this monster would follow him everywhere he goes with a video camera. She didn't know what she was doing and she even came to the retreat that I was there to conduct and then he was reading out and everything and then 1 time his mom Kim and ask him something and I happened to notice it his mom asked for something casual and then I saw the look on his face he was angry he was like. He was crazy and no wonder he remained single. He was a mama's boy of the world he was married to his mother. Out of his own choice. So what did i do i had to confront it I said you know we're did you know that you're an anger braze person you are. I don't have any. Lower than your very is your dynamic you are you are saying when it comes to us I will love you but when it comes to your relationship with your mom I know that they You've only your gut level they your life his whole life is taken away from you and therefore you're like a mad at the whole world toward your mom and I saw that look really oh wow. No wonder I get to present a sad than I really I'm really burden for my parents and I'm tired of it and guess what happened 1st son while he was carrying all the loads of you know mother and father the 2nd son look at the whole scenario this is you know I have nothing to do with it you know what when I go to college I'm going to choose a college far away I'm going to marry somebody far over I'm going to stay far as this is gone. And that this son is stuck and he couldn't care way mother was chasing after him everywhere and he she even had a plan to you know have a house just right nearby him or live with him even after he gets married. Boy it took us or more most more than a year to allow them to have to have the separation without being disconnected Anyway this is a real issue you know 1 thing I want to tell you when you when your children get married when you have a boy or girl or when you have occurred you can expect more from her. But when you have a boy my father said expect only 5 percent. And then actually my mother does it right in that you know what when it comes to children don't expect anything but their happiness. My mother is amazing my mother stepmother and I know I never called stepmother she's my mother it was so sad when I found out that she's no longer with us to be with us whenever I go to California and spend time with her she still cooks for me and then her Korean food is 1 of the best of the best it just feeds my soul and I meet with her and then you know when it comes to when it comes to you know my mother she's an amazing woman I don't know how she does that sometimes I don't current 3 we some 4 we CAN I CALL HER I tell you No honestly she doesn't use reverse psychology there's no anything like that so when I call her mom so sorry I have not been able to call you you know I've been thinking about you and then my mom goes Hassan's on zones I was on you I gave you to the Lord and you're doing God's word don't call me you don't have to call me. And I tell you that makes me want to call her even more. We need to let go of our children in a way that we do not want to give them any unnecessary burdens in the allies but I want to tell you your happiness your own happiness Europe your own happiness in marriage happens to be to create this source of hurts in the wilderness and. In their lives. P. happy in your marriage even for the sake of your children because that's what they need to see. In both of you a minute. You know whenever my kids see my wife and my right we're now is used to having. Like kids or like calling me texting me dad you know you did a great job you know mom is like you have been no do you want to see us being happy and I prayed. That we would give our children the policing of happiness in marriage in this world to proclaim this a man. Let's move on let's move on OK let's talk about some healing process. So there's so much talk about let's talk about healing OK let's talk about healing move on and it's already all there healing strategies face to face with your neglected self and rejected so acknowledge and gain an understanding gain an understanding that OK I have no I may have been neglected I may have been rejected but you know what when it comes to it we we come to realize when we really dig deep into it you know the lady you know the lady I told you about the lady whose mother left her like 3 months as a baby and she came to find out that her mother never ever left her on her own choice she was framed in such a way that the father's family took the baby away. And then the mother was looking for the baby all her life when she came to realize that she gained a new understanding about a sense of rejection but of course all story doesn't end that way there is a literal sense of rejection and preference and parents you know preparing 1 child or but the other you know favoritism all of that has been there. If you grew up in a complete cure family that becomes a burden for you the member to be aware of the come to terms with this symptom entire I'M AN ENTIRE man I want to talk to you about this when you're growing up when you felt like your child whose was taken away in terms of finding joy and happiness in your life because you had to worry about your parents your mother left you for another man you know them in your mother left you for another man when you were growing up as teenagers how worst it can get in a way as a girl she she was going to puberty she was going to change she needed a mother to talk about whatever the change that she experienced in our body she had no 1 to talk to so she had to grow up by her south and then she was building this not only resentment and rejection but she was building this interesting psychology call in title meant guess what happened the mother came back repented and came back to the family and I saw a martyr serving already the grown up daughter who's married with a couple of kids I saw the mother out of our own broken out of own you know repentance and all that she wanted to mend the religions that she wanted to sort of make up for it even though she can and she was serving for the family serving for the Tartars family in a way that she was like serving like slaves. And yet the daughter was never ever get satisfied still on happy still miserable and she was going to repression. So I had to tell her that you have issues with in title meant and you have not being to entirely now having grown up and so forth I want to tell you something. This may be a shocking news for you. If there is a bank account it's an emotional bank account. It's called E.P.A. in your emotional bank account some people have plus account but unfortunately some people have minus account. Even now even now as these a famous psychologist he talks about this reality and I think it's very telling you have miners account as a child growing up when you have this emotional depth with it in your bank account in that they're just so much minus It is like it is like your body just depleted of energy so margin to a point of exhaustion now you almost need to take injection to come back to normal you know and saying and so then in this kind of you know minus bank account. Then you come to a marriage how do you come to marriage you come to a marriage of rethinking in your fantasy and nowhere are God has given me a man who will meet all of my all men lives of the past. And should be so happy and it didn't take long. Sometimes on our wedding day. You find out that your husband can never satisfy or make up for the our net needs of the pass no 1 except Jesus no 1 and then when we are in this minus state of being then it is like a jar that is broken at the bottom no matter how much you pour in what happens. It's always always a minus. And then while you're remaining miners you you can blame at the whole word and all that not being words and that's why entitle them and it's not going to work and then we need to take this minus stated being to Jesus in a loud G. just to feel it in a way that no 1 can and we need to release our husband from having to meet those needs and then give him the freedom and take aeration of independency. Now you're really. From Hell into me all of my own lives of the past and my expectation for you is on real estate and therefore problem letting go of all of those on realistic expectation I'm letting you free we need when you allow your husband to be free what does he do. Thank God. He comes right back serving you. Funny thing is that when you expect something in your marriage even if it's a it's a rifle thing you're right up you know all that when you expect something then you may never get there and when you don't expect anything and yet enjoy kids being while you allow the other person to be freed from any obligation any duties it's kind of tricky we let go but enjoy kidding then what happens is that in the end you get more than you ever were expecting when the other person comes around you know Nancy. So that's why it is important for us to be crazed by God to be a key for. And never ever expect to receive from the other person because you have received so much from the war so that's a resource since you have received so much from the war vertical you always all flow in your life you have something to do here and you know in our marriage like I told the guy there's a guy I would says I you know what when I was in my food. Sorry I told a guy when he came home house was messy if you work all day came home wife was taking care of kids and what did you do all this in the series are all over the place I went to their house series are all over the place. How do you do it he's so hungry he didn't even make dinner. So how do you break that Peaches cycle because on his own and he deserved better worked hard at least deserve a decent meal dinner and then life goes pastor I I don't feel like cooking for this man I mean just treat me like a slave in there for like whenever I get mad and angry I almost want to put something poisonous you know. So it's better for me not to cook. You know how people rationalize. So how do you break the vicious cycle of relations. I'm just asking a question I don't have the answer just going. OK Let's move on and Quinn is number 3 Understand the trigger point and we talked about defined provide a new meaning into your story we talked about that were you create a support system around Gene clued in counseling very much needed. When you don't get what you need to get from your marriage don't walk away but learning to meet their needs even from counseling you're like woman has amazing needs when it comes to like communication you know day daylight they need to be like I really joined in right man can kind of sit down and chat and talk while they watch movies and they can know they can talk but woman when they talk what do they do this and look at each other. Sometimes they're holding hands you know my own comb my own clothes funny my own code when I look back was a very early modernized men because he knew how to talk to woman. If it wasn't if you didn't become a Christian you would have been dangerous but my my uncle knew how to talk to WERMAN So in my family everybody all the woman in my family were afraid of my father whenever he comes in every kind of walks away and whenever he comes my own everybody gather I remember those time my a and and my mother everybody walks around him talking to him out in Korean So whenever they say something now I look back my uncle knew the language of ladies because they would talk and then my own cause like on home alone or money or christening. If you understand Korean. And want I understand. Our So if you don't get the kind of connection that you need and be able to talk and in a safe environment maybe you need counseling. You need a support system with other woman get together and talk not just talk bad about your husband please. And then. Create a room for care self-expression. Of doing take time with nurture yourself exercise create it you know develop a sense of humor positive energy you've got to have positive energy about you because when you stop come into Although you're on that means of the past and on and on the lives of your relationship with your husband and wife and all that then we become negative we become drained out we end up having this negative energy about ours and then even not even my husband my wife doesn't want to be with you because. Even the kids like when they look at all over my mom takes the energy out of you by just looking at her. That's why we need to be a possibility about us to do that we need to let go of those angers and all that it's it may take the professional helps so much for that. Everything else is SOP explained Terry I'm going to and I'm going to I'm going to have to move on OK let's move on because everything else is south experiment period remove stumbling blocks that gets in the way of building intimacy fear or we all have strong suits you know what strong suits are like I am sick I'm sick I'm tired. That's a strong suit they use to make an excuse for everything I am weak I'm not strong your sickness can be your strong suit that you use oh I have a headache Well as soon as you have a headache then who OK OK. We all have our own strong suit and Jack can get in the way of fielding a healthy relationship. Everything else let's move on to talk about depression OK Again I'm not an R. not as I'm not a doctor in a medical doctor are not in that field but I'm just purely speaking from my own. Experiences I read many books and I studied a lot about depression because depressions are everywhere so many people are struggling with it I remember 1 time. We didn't even know that this person was depressed actually that person came to my Bible study a long time ago while I was learning about all of this this person came to me for Bible study all of a sudden this person showed up and honestly a person and then she kept asking a question what happened pastor if somebody commits suicide would he or she would go to heaven you know that's tough questions like well you know you never know what happens in the end between you and God No you could talk like that. And then well you know suicide is not you know is not acceptable to God and you know I mean we talk what we could and then 1 time we went to a dinner table we were you were supposed to eat something really yummy and Harry was a gobbling up and then this lady was meditating it's like taking 1 bite at a time didn't even start much 2 weeks later she was gone. And we search for her I didn't even know where she lived and we just got to know her just barely and then found out found out that she committed suicide. She was extremely extremely depressed I can tell you case after cases. And I came to realize and it hit home to us as well. In that depression it's something that we all need to be aware of and there is a part that medical doctors play a role but I'll be speaking from my own experience whenever the depressed patient comes to me they come to me for counseling because this is nothing worse you know day to try to do what the doctor 1000 to do to try medications and all that it only helps certain point and then and yet it doesn't really resolve the issues and they come they come in a lot of times when I had a counseling center in California you know they said 1 lady came up to me as a pastor you know I am so depressed well how do you know you're sort of process because I no longer like to do the things that I used to enjoy even my psyche has told me I'm depressed and she's like 30 something lady with 2 little beautiful kids and the pastor I used to enjoy going out and taking them out to you know downward are you see enjoy taking them out to dinner or taking him out to shopping and I no longer want to do any of those things and guess what she said what she said there was very very telling she said Pastor I don't know where I'm going and my life is so meaningless was I must tell you underneath of depression on the need of any human dysfunction or illness there is a spiritual needs to have not been met Let me explain what that means and I'm not going to since since the lack of time I'm not going to necessarily follow everything in the syllabus it is up explanatory but I'm going to just show you some of the important things did you know that you and I are created by God. To have these 2 major needs in our lives when you and I say that we are made to be spiritual. We're talking about 2 basic needs that are spiritual on a realm of spirituality number 1 we have a need to find meaning in our lives. We are so have a need to have direction in our lives. Meaning is non are other than meaning has nothing to do with figuring out things psychological or philosophically we're not talking about philosophical you know meaning we're talking about a very practical and own told logical meaning I should say which means that all of us as a humanity whether we believe in God or not you and I have a need to what is what do you think is the most important needing that we all are seeking after. Current. We talked about purpose here some meaning has to do with to love and to be love that's what meaning of life is all about we all have a need to love and to be loved and do so then if we fail in this area of life of love we're not going to be fulfill we're not going to do well you know. But. What's really telling about human reality is this you may agree with me in that what we need the most what we need the most is an area where we are messed up the most right. While we need to love and to be loved It is an area where we have a lot of this puncture and then why is it not that easy why is it so difficult to love and to be loved we fight for it and we do everything we can we manipulate we do all kinds of things and yet we don't seem to get what we need and we all need tend to make it worse why. Because I have another series of masses to tell me is that as much as we want to love we desire to love desires there and that desire is worked and twisted to a point where it becomes lost. Loss' of a caring love is all about giving. And while we try to get and thinking we are getting this is the way to Law No but in this area of love while it either turn into lost or we are in this place of confusion total confusion about love and then we try to love the way they will love and that's not the way of love and therefore not only we are ignorant my conclusion about love is this where the Bible says that we are dead to seen and transgression in vision chapter 2 it is literally telling me to realize as much as I want to love as much as I love Mary to love because I married I want to log for my very tentative I came to realize on 2 goals you call in a very realistic sense now while I desire to love while I am wanting to commit to love I do not have the ability to laugh I'm unable to the wow. Oh bill into law of cannot begin unless you and I have come to realize where I am not able to love that's the 1st step that's where the cross of Jesus Christ comes in we need. Our failures are we in a valley and that's what he meant by he being our weaknesses to here we are weak to a point where we are we are able and get this. Whole more I try to love the more I destroy the possibility for the. World when you come to realize that. You like crying out to God right you cannot even you we can't even pray you ride we can on your life try out I remember a time when my wife kicked me in the pants of course not literally she kicked me in the pants so I kicked her in the pants so she said Honey you need to calm down you need to spend time with you in the care of whatever you need to get from the word I said amen praise the Lord I said Why ever you need to do this you need to get your so we can get others pants. That's how you win in like that. And then when I went to the Lord and I came to realize. That I am there. How much that person can do. Sometimes in the church and we are like posting about each other you've been dead for 10 years but I do need to do good for 3 seconds. We are all dead people and your world like like the Rav you are comparing it to other better do you at least I don't smear is mergers you do. What there's that person can do there's Warnie 1 thing that person can do. There's 1 thing that person is doing. Decaying corrupting morally. Not only not only I take the possibility for away from the other person. I am without me realizing it consciously or unconsciously destroying the possibility for love in the other person. Have mercy I'm going to say Have Mercy have mercy. But it is in that clip is of inability. You experience the ability of caught enabling us where we can to you and therefore what does that person need them. What does the dead person need oh OK like then what does that there is what does the dead person what does the dead person can do what can the dead person do to to be alive. That was my next sermon that I prepare but I'm not going to be able to preach that what I'm going to tell you is that good news of the Gospel comes not not only to the weak person the weakness in the Bible is intrinsically connected with the idea of bondage which it did in this. And then it are so intrinsically connected with the idea of mindedness we don't even know that we are dead we don't even know that we are unable when the Bible says we are powerless when the Bible says I am power less which means I am on a boat of the way I look what love is that is not love so then I no longer can say to my wife hey this is the way I can love you need are taken orally. I can't do that my way of love is not the way of love I do not know how to love after after 5 years into my marriage after 10 years into my care I came to the conclusion even though I married her. I did not have what it takes to love her and I came to realize 1 day truly it takes miracle of God for Lead to be able to love you so. She said there was the greatest day of a disappointment. Christian life begins with death begins with. Begins with inability begins with disappointment begins with despair have you been despaired. To a point where all you want to do is just kill yourself why why depression these 2 people these people to a place where they look at that in a different way they look at that as an escape they look at that as a blessing I knew this 1 lady we had a funeral I knew something was wrong and I figured out found out she committed suicide no 1 knew about I even the son didn't know about it guess what happened while her daughter in law. Was Carl for 10 minutes. Committee source. And then son had no idea about. Everybody. Secret not talk about it I went to the daughter in law I said how long you have been missed your mother in law are struggling with sleeplessness says. Oh it's hard to tell but I can remember a list over 10 years. From my empirical experiences it takes almost 10 to 15 years of. Lonely. Being exhausted took point where party shuts down completely. Your adrenals poked out in everything shut down shut down shut down it takes a long time for most people because the car has made us theory resilient but we cannot abuse that we cannot abuse that so when the depressed person comes to me this is what I do. I sit down and kill somebody do it with me you're not depressed but let's just do it you can't somebody come to that she comes she's not the president. She comes to me and then I hold her hands 1st thing I say I said I want to do LOOK AT ME HOW TO eyes and I said I want you to know why you have been depressed. This lady like whoa. This lady like Yeah I've been to the doctor my Homans are all you know it's all messed up and then I went to the acupuncturist and my acupuncturist tell me it's a padlock. And I said I tell you why you get the press because Are you ready for this because you are such a chain you in person that's how you get press Oh when I say that this lady like we let me write things down. I and then you will. People who faking it they don't get press people who live supportive don't get the press or going to invite according to my experience with people there are certain personal personality type that is more crawl and not deter me more prone to depression is a kind of personality that are really into connecting being intimate with people and then get fired up for that in people like that people like that who get so fired up by being connected if you appreciate them like they do they are the 1 who bring the past choice of food for the power what other people like forget you know bring something you know microwavable kind but this lady like goes all our bring things and when they look at what other people bring like this is the end time Jesus is coming soon you know. She goes out. And it is Har for her to get the kind of emotional connection and spiritual nutrients the way she desires and wants in a superficial word around us. And she started dying and dying U.K. and King King coming to a place where she basically gave up it is the changeling people I love those who are struggling with depression not because of depression they have but because of the sin seen you in a bring to the table of life. To Search for Meaning of Life so if you're depress don't be shamed about it it has nothing to do with your faith and all that you know sometimes the whole moral thing I told you here who gets depressed I wrote I wrote things down who gets depressed genuine people number 1 and then are so spiritually proud to be open when you get to press and other words you get isolated you don't want to share you're in your own isolation a den that is prone you to be depressed and then private extremely caring people all while these are the people these are the people who doesn't eat polyglot until they make sure everyone gets their food and if there is any left over then they take their turns here is the 1 who gets to press. People Pleaser gets the press because they don't know what to see you know in India and they get exhausted and then they work so hard then end up being the real responsible 1 and then they say yes to something that they shouldn't say no and they should say no and then they come home and then morning about a day go mourn about it and they're like Why did a person learns you need to you know force me to do there are should have said good R.'s 30 years now I am all of. That I didn't. I do. I want of God. And your husband is out there I told you not to do as I told you. Do you tell me. You're right I'm a loser I'm a bummer you know. I bring too much of me as you're into the family bear be gone and no 1 will miss me. Have mercy on those ladies. There's 1 thing that's big time missing in Christian circle when somebody get the press blasting pastor can do who are you do. Or do you turn Did you know were you afraid. You'd be Jesus you were moody pressure. Did Jesus have the pressure in. The world don't compare ourselves with Jesus. Don't do that don't cost scriptures don't open the Bible and start like trying to sermonize to the depressed person there are already feeling not only bad to almost come to a point where they want to and their lives they are more than miserable Can you imagine not gaining the sleep that you need for more than 10 years 15 years. And still serving. So whenever the depressed patient comes I'm like bow down to did you serve you serve too much use or talk point where you've been given your liver. All the organs of your body you're ready given up you don't need it then. You know what I'm talking about. 1 thing that I focus so much to those who are depressed. Is are allowing them to address the each shoe of nutrition. Do you know that when you do not have enough nutrition you get depress woman are more prone to depression than men in general why why because women have like I am not a target where you might have more than like 40 different her hormones that they need to produce a child they need all kinds of home and they are there is so much and when you have kids what happens they take away everything they take away your bowl in your car showroom and everything's gone and no wonder later years like you're born is like hollow inside YOU HAVE MERCY have mercy right and therefore nutrition is very very important is special the incentive in the church. I am not against of vegetarianism. And I know you're watching me what I'm about to say next. You go to a medical doctor in this say you've got a mean and all that I'm not going to get into that argument. 1 thing I want to tell you is that there is no nutrition even in the vegetal balls that we eat so it has to be in my opinion to get the nutrients that you need from food it has to be organic you know why I know is that for the past 2 years for the past 1 years my wive started to eat organic vegetables for the past 2 years coming to Michigan it was really hard for the winter. But anyway we were able to find organic horrify or you know or hope with these expensive but I tell you. Eating organic can be how these macho cars effective being sick and you know spend all your money in the hospital and so so make sure that I'm just sharing my experience get organic organic vegetables organic carrots are amazing amazing beads are all those vegetables all Deprancol others as raw as you can get some of it can be stay in the little bit and make sure you get the you get the nutrients that you need and also making sure that you get you get enough proteins through beans and other things that you need if you're a vegetarian you know made sure you get all that you need from the nutrients because if you look at 1st chapter 18 when when when Who is that. Eliza ended up at laughter conquering and the enemy you know at the mound to Carmel right you know you kill all exactly is and so for and then he almost suddenly became very afraid of what is about you know women are very fierce and person people you know so does this prophet of God became very feel for of this does evolve and then he found himself sitting underneath the road tree call Rodin tree and then he was like Lord points you know how do you kill me and other words what happened was that after exhausting his energy on the fight once in a lifetime fight he became totally exhausted and depleted I mean it was after he was running and all of that and so then he was just drained out. Even the property lives became depressed praise the Lord and guess what Angel did because when I entered the you know the story right angel came in and Joe came in and they let him sleep what what the people with depression need is lots of rest but I'm going to tell you how to rest it's not that easy and so end of the Lord came and then let him rest feed him cake some sort of like. Rice cake or bread or whatever and then with water so you start you start program right there and then after at the end of the Lord came and bake something can imagine angel of the Lord came in cook it endoscope with better cook too. You know and so the end of cook and then him some starve and that for them and then he was fat and then he was so tired story of the human back to sleep again he did that twice feeding him again nurture him that's what we need to do with people with depression the need to be nourished and the need to be nurtured I don't have time to go into all the details which vegetables are important appose you know the truths are important juicing are important the need all the nutrients they need to get and then. Let me just go through this quickly and then any other thing that they need not only to need all the nutrients in their lives. Oh this is what's interesting a lot of the depressed patients. Coming to me and. I don't know why they're coming to me. I'm not a doctor. And they said they come to me and they're getting help. And this they said this pastor I eat and eat and eat and yet might rain is hungry. Interesting your brain needs certain things to be satisfied I just learned from my herb doctor that in your brain you know your nervous system in your brain also need nutrients in order for us to be free from anxiety LOL it is not just emotional stuff that's when you tradition is so important and then the my herb doctor tells me that there is an herb back and help you with the nerve to be strengthen. I have nothing to do with this doctor but there is an amazing or doctor in there and sprains His name is Dr Lee He just opened up his place because his wife could not sleep for a long time I tell you even in my family my wife could not sleep she came to a point she became so excited do you know that you need to enter you need to have energy to sleep if you don't have energy you can see your true hunger you can't sleep if your brain is holy something is missing and you're like a wobbly uncertain and you're like anxious and then you're nerveracking and then your muscles are tensed and that's another issue a lot of people with muscle tenseness they can't sleep they need they need to stretch. They need exercise they need reading and then we try all kinds of things 1 time I I heard you know what my wife needed to sleep and she can sleep you know falling asleep is an automatic thing the way you sleep is like this if I understand it simply. Your body creates Saira tone in your brain creates a tone in the morning after 10 o'clock in the morning you go out see the sunshine serotonin comes in you look at each other be happy Sarah turning comes in you eat the food that you want to like and share toning comes in OK you hear the Word of God Sara Tony comes in right so when you create serotonin in the morning during the daytime amazing thing happen in the evening there's Sarah tone internally to melatonin and then melatonin kicks in the sleep cycle it's automatic switch. And that's where they even have a herb that deals with you know the melatonin as well and all that but it's God's idea for us to be happy and joyous and be temple and grateful and gracious all day or all and then at the end of the day you're like well. But when you try to sleep you can't sleep you stay away looking at the ceiling still to 2 o'clock 3 o'clock and get up at 1 o'clock and break to sleep cycle that's when the liver gets you know restored and although you lose all that and so you know what we did I heard that you know were you few D. the ground it is so tiring that you fall asleep. So it behind our house there is a hero my up and I we were doing homeschooling all the kids and we started to like the. Drug that. We talked to a point where we ended up making a prepared you and a whole mountain was ready to fall down. And sue us could not sleep. And 1 of the missing link was nutrition and other missing link was her relationship with. When you harbor anger and resentment bitterness on that you get trigger you can't sleep. And other interesting elements that we needed was changing the environment funny thing was that when I took her to vacation to Florida we went out to the Wal-Mart or have in for on and to use really. Well change of environment and other thing that we needed in our. Life in order to restore our health especially for her words to have that meaningful and only meaningful relationship with each other but are so have fun in our lives. I'm very fun loving person. As you can tell. But funny thing happened when I came back came from Korea I said to myself I had too much fun up to college and I need to study to be a pastor and I'm like you can't. I barely graduated and I said when I come to United States I used to be a great singer and so I say when I come to United States I gave up singing I gave up on I gave up everything and then guess what happened. I did my Grrr and she liked me because see I was so much fun. While we were dating. But after we got married I said OK now fun had it you know it had its purpose and now I need to go back to my work it is like shooting the ball. And then OK you stay home and I go out and then she said hey I married you for 1 will you no longer are funny. Honey life is serious you know Jesus is coming you know. And this she said I grew up I grew up not having enough fun in my life. I need to have fun. And I said honey you should have met me when I was in college. But then Little did I know that I'm going to end with this little did I know that my wife was called by God to be with me to be a blessing why because I needed the fun in my life as well because I was trying to go 100 miles an hour and so I mentioned it all here situation laughter fun sense of humor natural remedy herbs are powerful and then number 8 spiritual nutrients we need to find meaning and direction in our lives to be restored to clean our health that card has given us a meant. A spiritual element. Spiritually spiritually the fact that we are spiritual meaning that we're searching for meaning our meaning has to do to love and to be loved and our direction has to do with what has to do with finding the sense of direction that God would want us to have which is a kind of transcendent purpose in our lives we all need that in our life to be free of fear of spiritually and this is an important part of what we storing depression restoring healing in our lives Amen Amen so let's end here I know you've endured me so long and. I only got to finish tears and then I didn't get to finish the whole term 1 but that 1 hopefully will do that some other time hopefully we will have a chance it's about grace you have not missed much OK and thank you for coming thanks for joining me. You need to talk to Dr Lee I don't have any business relationship with him talk to Dr Lee and he will help us hey can you do this for me before we go. Would you be able to write your name and your information. On your forms that are in passing out and I'm trying to create a community of people who can come in and you know just continue this journey of healing and all that in the name of family discipleship and 1 we have a center we can have about 40 people in there trying to work with the conference to see what can be done I'm just wanting to support and be of help and so please write down your information so that when we do project like that you know you will be included and then secondly I want to tell you that it's not out of my own ambition but I just want to be out there to serve people in a way that I want to create a community of people. Who with whom we can come together and serve God bring healing in the lives of people. Not only you come to the meeting but I want you to be my advise I want to team up with you I want to create a team of people whom we can do things and I met is you know wonderful lady or is your new Rosemary I met this Rosemary she majored in English and she taught you know English and all that and says that hey I saw some typo and all that I can how do you. Do that and I said hey you're going to be my editor from now on Iran Yeah and I hope she charges a lot from me OK I'm getting so I want to team up with you guys because there's so much brokenness and if you haven't learned something from our experience being here together we only touched the surface of it as you can tell right even talking about 1 aspect takes a lot to talk about you know and so I really want to create a team more together and so write your information down if you're interested in creating a team work together let me know what you can do OK so that we can come together to do great things for God Amen OK Let's banish Let's finish with prayer Dear God. We only shared what we could share but it doesn't really do justice to the Huling that you can only provide for each and every 1 of us you create us to be spiritual people and so you help us to really gain the real meaning of life and the direction that we need in our lives in a way that our marriage and a relationship as a family to be a chanter of hewing and restoration in our lives so much so that in this world of broken as we can be an agent of healing in the lives of other people and may you continue to bless. Each and every 1 of our courageous journey toward greater learning and healing and growth and maturity in the power of Jesus Christ we pray in just his name Amen Amen Amen. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse or if you would like to listen to more sermons please visit W.W.W. audio verse or.

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