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3. Malfunction to Miracles

Tom Waters Alane Waters




  • June 19, 2017
    10:00 AM
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So today we're going to be talking about moving from now function or in our case malfunctions Plural We have plenty of them from now functions to miracles Does that sound good does it sound possible it is absolutely possible those miracles we have had the privilege not just to read about him and other people story but over the years God has given us the privilege and opportunity to work with scores of couples that God has done miracles in their marriage and he can do it for any of us OK he said I'm in our marriage that's for sure. So we want to take you back to 2 months before we were married S.L. We've been married 37 years so that's going back a while just like coming here to what used to be cedar like academy I was here in school 42 years ago as a senior that's going back a ways 11 young pastor here who a friend of ours who has been a long time friend introduced us to he said wow that's going back to the dinosaur age and after he walked away she said he hasn't learned to be discreet yet. Anyway that is going back you know a lot of you all some of you haven't you weren't even around then at that time. So we're going back to 2 months before our wedding and 1 of my associates in radiology was getting married so he was getting married a couple months ahead of us after he was getting married after us thank you because it is the timing of that right and so he invited me to be a groomsman in his wedding and to sing for their wedding and do a few other things and so I said well let me talk to my fiance. Was that a good thing to do you know because the again the default mode for most guys is just to right off the cuff to say Well sure in your wedding so we talked about it and I said you know I don't know anybody in Lol swabbing example lol. You're not going to know anybody else either and it's going to be a quick weekend this is what they want me to do so I'm going to be busy through the entire weekend The other thing he told me is that the when he was going to take place in Boston OK so we were living in Illinois so you all know that Boston is a bit of a distance from Illinois so that's OK You know now I mean it's just a quick weekend right and we're all excited about our upcoming wedding so we're thinking about all the people are coming in to help us out so sure he said yeah I'll go I'll I'll be happy to be a groups man saying and whatever else I can do to help well. As we talked about it both of us have come from the background where our mothers particularly were very good savers financially which proved to be a blessing and finances as never been an issue for us in marriage like it is for many people which is another blessing so I said to her you know we don't know anybody there I'm going to be busy the whole weekend so maybe it would just be better to save our money and you stay at home getting moans and groans and that that's good this is a saving audience here I thought it was a good idea I mean it's just going to be really quick and so you know a few $100.00 in a plane fare that's significant right so anyway I said you know I think that's all right now I think that I have there'd be plenty for me to do a home getting everything set up because we're going to be newlyweds and I'm sure there's a lot of things that could still be. Put around the house where they need to find a permanent spot. So we agreed to that that was great for both of our mentality for saving and then as things unfolded it turned into a longer weekend so in order to get there in time for the rehearsal he had to leave on Thursday instead of Friday and instead of the wedding being on Sunday morning it was on Sunday evening therefore he can come home to Monday so the short weekend turned out to be 5 days and that was OK because now the tickets bought and you know I can Workers Day and Friday and Monday so I'm still only home 2 days by myself and it was still OK I can remember that was the last conversation we had after we booked a ticket and now it's Thursday morning and we're driving to O'Hare Airport this is a long time ago when you could actually go all the way to the door of the airplane many of you are old enough to remember that right you actually go and so I am thinking he's driving of course I'm going to drop him off but he's driving himself there and I am thinking as we're coming into the airport that we're going to go into short term parking so that I can go into the airport with him and go all the way the gate and because we're so in love we're going to sit together until he has to get on that plane this is where the malfunctions begin and. I was totally unaware of this Mel function at the time but as I drove up being the efficient person that I was and tried to be although my fish and sea has turned more towards gospel efficiency not just my fish and sea but I holed up and I went right past short term parking and ended up in front of ticketing and I immediately got out of the car got my. So OK so I thought and sitting in the seat I guess I get out here right chin hole so I got out of the car and he said I love you because you walked through the door and that was the end that wasn't so I never knew I did a malfunction on that. Until later as the story unfolds but I I flew off to Boston and my dear wife went to work went to work and you were I couldn't wait to get home because this is this is a long time ago there were no such there was probably not a thought of a cell phone back in that day there were no cell phones and though they were tracking devices for a military I think at that time we should have a tune in the military them but anyway so I was looking forward to going home and and waiting in the evening because I wanted to hear you know how things were going he got there where he's staying who is staying with you know how things are rolling out and all evening the phone never ring so it's Friday morning and I'm going to work and I'm I'm starting to feel a little bit bad because I didn't hear from him and I thought like every good wife does we put the best construction on don't we at the beginning I'm going to put that little phrase at the beginning that's a very important little phrase at the beginning so I'm thinking oh my husband he is reserved and he's a little bit shy and doesn't want to inconvenience people so he doesn't know these people he probably doesn't even know where their phone is he's probably too. A little bit shy or hesitant to ask if he can borrow the phone because not only did they not have cell phones but if you mainland distance calls in those days yet pay for showed up on your bill right and so anyway i was have all these great reasons in there were actually pretty pretty close to 1 of those reasons so Friday I worked all day and I'm I'm thinking on today what he's doing right I'm envisioning OK he's meeting up with this Fran they're getting ready to do the rehearsal all these you know pre wedding we'd just been married 2 months before I know all the things that happened before the wedding and I'm envisioning all these things happen rolling out on Friday and I can't wait to get home so that he will call me and tell me about what's going on OK So the next malfunction all those things that she said were true I mean I am much more reserved which people sometimes have a hard time believing that because a Casey up front talking to people but I can tell you that that's not my favorite place to be but I am more reserved and it was difficult I didn't know where their phone was and it is a place you know it's in the in the days where phones were on walls connected no privacy on tape or on tabletops OK but. Just to get this over with OK. I never called or the whole time I was gone you know it's what I thought because that's terrible OK he just jumped right into it so it is Monday I my thoughts to change from all of these reasons why he didn't communicate and why I didn't call me to I wonder what's going on at this wedding right 5 days we've been married 2 months and I haven't heard a word. Thursday Friday and I say Monday or is for and I OK we're both right. Trying to make it sound a little bit lost lust. Anyway my mind wasn't in the best frame of thinking. That's true. So I am driving to O'Hare to pick him up and I have 2 choices I can drive into short term parking and go in and I can see that plane come up to the jetway and I can you know be the 1st 4 and he sees and he gets off the plane or I could bypass an exit and I could just drive up to baggage claim or arrivals and I can just sit in the car and wait till he shows up so 2 choices I knew both of them very clearly there was a part of me that wanted to be at the gate because I loved him and I missed him there was a part of me when I was a punish me. The whole it's just we didn't understand the practical power of the Gospel in the same way that we have come to understand it so he found me at baggage claim and what was so amazing about that is you know I'm sitting there waiting and watching people come out you know they're looking around for who's there to pick him up and I see him come out and he is. The as he can be and I was very happy to see him partly she just didn't let me know that. I was completely happy to see her. Every Greed's niggas Nikias in a big heart oh I'm so nice to see you I had such a wonderful weekend and it was not a good thing to say at that point. And it gets in the car course of the driver seat and he is just communicating remember I told you is a good communicator. He is talking half way back to the hospital for half a day to put it is talking almost you know all the way back this is moving about this and then the other thing in psych The more he talked more upset I got. Because I have spent 5 days 4 nights in agony waiting for him to call me going from giving him good good excuses good outs to wondering all kind of things like I wonder who was his partner or to you know be in the wedding remember we had just been married right we had our bridesmaids in our groomsmen we had him paired up and they they didn't know each other before the wedding so he didn't know this girl and I could envision exactly what she looked like I mean that's what our mind does and then it is to my mind that my thoughts were totally out. So we're a major malfunction and I do want to say that what I did or better yet what I didn't do was horrible. To this day I really don't understand how that happened that way I was very in love with my wife but it didn't happen OK So that was a terrible thing that was a real malfunction Yes Terrible malfunction but today we want to talk about how these malfunctions work because every couple has a cycle of not function yes I said every couple as a cycle and that's because every couple has 2 people that have a self that is ideally always under the control of the Lord Jesus Christ. But that is not always the reality and every honest couple knows that and so today we want to talk about how what we call the 4 misses the 4 misses of malfunction and how they happen so we're going to take this little story we're going dissect it apart none of you have probably ever had such a traumatic experience. In the same way we did but you've all had traumatic experience where you had conflict hurt anger you know my husband said punishment or whatever so we want to look at we're going to take this story apart and we're going to show you how how it could have been salvaged early on but how we took it all the way to the. And the misery that we had and the pain that we went through was truly necessary so the 1st Miss that we want to talk about is miss conception. We've both malfunctioned as newlyweds in the misconception that it is OK to separate yourself from Year wife your husband when it doesn't need to happen OK we made this misconception I wish that many times that I could have gone in and redone that because the $350.00 or whatever it was would have been well spent to have my wife with me that was a misconception that we both had so we didn't blame each other for that that's right and another misconception very closely aligned to that 1 is that now we're marry right. You think the devil does rolls over and plays dead oh they're married now so I don't have to worry about trying to do anything to separate them in the line of using other people no he doesn't he actually is more intent to try to attack and destroy the relationship between a husband and wife so that was another misconception that there are not the temptations to for a man or woman but I'm speaking in the context of a man to leave his wife to go away like it just he just does get married in August and he has blinders you know he doesn't see any other females around he's only thinking of 1 you know he still has eyes he still has the mind of a man now and the devil wants to use those 2 in combination to take him a different path so that was another misconception we never talked about we made assumptions right assumptions or did so then there's the misconception of me I'm having a great time at the wedding Unfortunately it's OK to have a go I know but we'll talk about that in the next mess OK but I'm there and I am I thinking about my wife yes I am happy to tell you that I am thinking about my wife. And I love my wife but I'm not communicating any of that to her and I'm expecting when I walk out of that baggage claim door and I see my wife sitting in our car I am just delighted to see her OK you think well that's good but that's part of the cluelessness of men OK and I know that I'm not going to offend any anybody here because you know exactly what I mean things can go right over our head. Like they used to for for me but this was right over my head it's like she's going to be just as happy to see me and I'm not processing the fact that I haven't called her. Is that going to make a difference for her I'm expecting to get in the car unwind my story and have her just so excited about it that it's a misconception she is in a different world right now another misconception happened because of the sumption and not communicating that was a misconception that he thinks like I do now there was driving to the airport on Thursday morning we should have talked about before we ever got to the airport you know in my going to go in with him or you know how does he want it to roll out it was like all of a sudden we're at the airport and now a decision is made but there's been no communication about it and not only that but after he left I assume he's going to call me but I never said to him honey are you going to call me I just assumed you would that's a misconception and that was a very good assumption because I'm sorry. How many times have I told you the. Other thing that added fuel to the fire is that I travel for the hospitals Mr Krueger and any time in our relationship that I took a trip away from Chicago wherever it was in the United States every time I got to my new destination I found a phone I used to payphone and I called him at his apartment to let him know I had arrived safely so I assumed I never communicated are you going to call me you never asked a question I just knew he would because sats how I had done it that's a big misconception now you start thinking about your mouth function your psycho malfunction and you begin to see that those misconceptions and those assumptions is what starts that cycle rolling downward. That's very well said and that's exactly what happened so we want you to be a part of our story and stories are what stick if you don't write things down but we also want you to to allow the Holy Spirit to remind you of your story right now what you're going through OK what your cycle looks like what creates your mis conceptions because that will make practical meaningful difference in your lives OK So number 2 the 2nd Miss and these are misses like ships passing in the night OK Miss Conduct I want to tell you that when I was there at that wedding is specially during the reception I had misconduct don't let your mind run off too quickly OK this is the misconduct that I had in my previous experience as a single man I've only been married 2 months in my previous experience I used to be quite. That's not what I was going to say I wanted to say sorry take that back No you don't need to because that was true but that's not what I was going to say I know that's Could this is why we're all here together here. Yes but I had I was changing that very definitely changing that but I was also foolish Now anybody that has known me for the last well at least 30 years would never have guessed that I was a foolish person. Because I am not a foolish person I'm not the jokester I'm not trying to you know I'm not that's not where I am because I know that that's not following the lamb whether so ever he go OK there is no guile in the mouth of Christ you'll never hear him joking with his disciples are saying gotcha and then when the there's none of that there's none of the belittling there's you know jokes are always be a little thing somebody or some culture and I used to be a jokester and many times we found in marriages today that the foolishness is also a sign of insecurity in the relationship. And so I was a jokester in that happened to me in that wedding that was misconduct as far as the girl that was on my arm that she had this imagination for I was able to clear that up very quickly she would not have had to be concerned about the girl that was on my arm during those rehearsals. But if she would have been on my arm at my side at that wedding at that fest the festivities of that reception I would have had different conduct if for no better motivation then my wife being was OK that was in this kind. Part of it was that they didn't have the kind of wedding and wedding reception that we had I had no idea what was going to happen but our wedding in our wedding reception we tried to to have it focus and I think did fairly well spiritual all the way through the very end their wedding part was Spiritual their reception was not at all and I got sucked into it who am I blaming. But if she had been with me that misconduct would not have happened in that way so you know I don't think of. Another misconduct which is obvious he never called me OK so we can that 1 falls and all that's a big 1 but I also had misconduct is I said earlier I put on the phone when it 1st happened I put good construction on the right and I loved him I trusted him everything was good but is the weekend rolled on and is my my thought started to look at other potential scenarios of which I've expressed here my thoughts started to my negative thoughts started to supersede the positive thoughts it any time we let our emotions and our thoughts go ahead of what we know to be is reality we create a picture that's not reality but that is very destructive. And that's what was happening to me that's why on the way to the airport I was struggling because there was a part of me wanted to go in and be with him because I loved and I missed him terribly and there was another part of me that I was so angry and so upset and so hurt that I was going to give him his same medicine he drops him so just pick him up and that's often the way a wife responds through the process of our thoughts that are not under the control of Christ the emotions of following that strengthen those thoughts that strengthen those emotions that strengthen those thoughts as to where when he greeted me I was you know OK he didn't know I was cold at 1st but as we're driving down the interstate back toward work it wasn't very long before you could say something is not right with her because now she's now only you know looking at me and interested in my story but now she's turning her back to me and I can see steam coming off of her and he didn't see the stain it was on I mean that's a figurative picture it was undoubtedly in the 37 years of our marriage it was the most visible body language I've ever seen. Because she literally went from facing me the driver's seat to facing the window of the passenger seat with her back totally to me is that body language is not communication nonverbal communication but communication on the less there is miscommunication and we have I have a lot of the no calling we're back together you know as we've shared this experience with other people when I got back together with her. I had an opportunity when she said to me why didn't you. Is that a fair question sure it is I mean you know I want to know why did you call me because. I sensed the hurt in those words I sensed the frustration I sensed the agitation but at that moment had I been more equal to this is not an excuse but it's a reality and I've been more equipped to understand the call of the Spirit to my heart as I have no he's no respecter of persons you know Christ as ever sending messages in a strange feeling says Christ is ever sending messages to those who listen for his I wasn't listening I was you know seemed to be as spiritual as everybody else I knew in some ways maybe more spiritual you know we were the young adult leaders you know in the Sabbath school class you know 1300 member church but I wasn't listening I didn't understand that he didn't understand being tuned in and I have no doubt that the Spirit called to me in that moment of time and I missed my opportunity and this is what happens in every fatal cycle every malfunctioning cycle every couple struck us we miss that or we choose not to respond to it and so instead of entering into that opportunity because I have no question knowing my wife as I do now that if I would have simply said something like this to her Oh honey I am so sorry that I did not. It would have changed the history. Of this experience that's all would have taken me she's a very resilient woman but I didn't say that I started making all my excuses I started telling her all the reasons why that's what began this whole sin problem with the very 1st creation of God perfect in his manhood he starts to blame God this is where all starts and this is where we have to deal with that this is where I didn't deal with that because I started making all the excuses and it went downhill from there did it was is definitely miscommunication his his promises exact words but but this is part of what was said what's the big the. Big deal. So when that kind of justification excuses came for it it only reinforced I wonder what really took place there right because he seems a bit defensive about this and if we were to have a perfect mirror each from the moment we said I do until this weekend it would have been easier to go through this weekend but unfortunately it already hit some of those malfunctions in our relationship in poor communication and assumptions those misses that we talked about in other areas in the things so there was already some you know background in the 2 months we were coming to this if for the 1st time and this was our 1st big blow up our misunderstanding we had too many already along the way I mean not a whole lot but there was already some in place so when he said that the next thought I had and I never wise I said so I'm really not important to him I'm just really not that important about what that entered into me. Now. I wanted to be important to him tonight I was desperate to be important to him and I was can I help in time to help him see that when you tell me it's not a big deal that really saying to me I'm not important you see how men say 1 thing and women interpret it that was the message he said no I'm not saying and I said that's what I'm that's that's what you say to me and not really them so now we both had major miscommunication in the car we haven't quite got to the hospital yet and we're ready to go all the way to the bottom to number 4 number 4 understand so misunderstanding happens it happens in accordance with our version of misunderstanding it happens in accordance with our perception of the reality of what's taking place it doesn't happen if we're surrender to Christ because he governs that process in us but when we choose to bypass the Holy Spirit we are in self and we were both in self and when we are in self we can't call it by any other name so leads us in the path of another master right we think it's us OK I'm going to do it my own way. The devil laughs all the way to the bank on that kind of thinking now there is not my own way is is either my own way to surrender and giving myself to the Lord to let him take charge of me in this moment or my own way usually takes us right into the hands of this and that creates a misunderstanding. That enters us into a further deepening of what we call the fatal cycle in communication because now it puts us back in our corners or puts us in a distance from each other and then but by the intervention of God or 1 of us being willing to let God intervene we continue on that psycho waiting for the other person to change waiting for the other person to stop being the defensive waiting for the other person to stop saying what we don't want to hear and that doesn't happen apart from Christ it's a fatal cycle so the misunderstanding Cain that he thought I was just oversensitive OK you're a woman oversensitive. Or. To him. That. So then my mind misunderstanding I came way thinking not only in my not that important to him I don't even think he really here. And now I'm not sure he really. So you see how in just you know and our driver a little less. Meeting at the airport to going to work we started and we went from our initial greedy and we were both very happy to see. We were but we so you know exactly what we're talking about but we went all the way to the bottom of that cycle I'm out hunks and we didn't understand that's what was happening we had been in that spin before but this was probably the biggest spin we'd ever been in and that was 2 months into our marriage and the in when we are no different than you are when we got to work we both went into were happy normal. You know great people let's say that we have put on a happy face and says I'm say we put on this do sound like everybody puts on their For side when you come to church looking at me we working on the same hospital we went into our jobs and we did we function great we had a great time we were happy where everything everybody always knew is to be this is where it was over we got in the car and we picked right up with the same attitude that we separated and you dumb it to us and that's that cycle of malfunction Well we can't go into the whole story of how that day ended but I'm thankful to tell you this in our marriage and in our malfunctions in the cycles that we have come to identify in our marriage they don't go for days and weeks and months we know families today. In fact at 1 of our retreats we were sharing this message and a lady came to us afterwards and she said I am so thankful that you just shared this and message the 4 misses and what we're going to share with you now as Lucian because she said to my husband I right here in the middle of this retreat are ready to go into our cycle of malfunction and it may lasts 3 months our children see us living under the same roof they see us coming to church like my wife said fighting all the way to church and happy Sabbath brother isn't it a beautiful day you know what that does to children children's hearts are so sensitive to hypocrisy that they don't even know the name for it but they know something's wrong and this lady said Will you meet with us. And we ended up meeting with them and the Lord did 1 of his miracles to the power a life changing power. They did NOT going to malfunction and we we have seen what God has done for that family we do not have to live in our now functions we do not have to say well that's just our cycle that's just the way it is for us we've lived that way for 1 couple that came to us they've been married over 50 years and they said we want to break this cycle will you give us how you know that's 50 years and they were very prominent people in the church. That looked good and everything they did in their leadership so don't be afraid to admit you've got a cycle of no function and we're going to talk about how God wants to take us out of that cycle 1st Corinthians 73 tells us a very simply the husband needs to render due benevolence on to the wife now that's a little bit wordy OK Do benevolence Well let's put that in very simple and practical terms what that's talking about men is that God is asking us to be the 1st to step forward to break the cycle by men of fasting trying as to our wife Chinas that would be so obvious to give the any other transaction interaction and relationship that you have on the earth but that does not come natural sometimes in marriage and what God is saying that he would rather have us give love. Then hold out and sacked love or extract love because 1 of the things that happens for us as men is if we don't feel respected if we don't feel affirmed if we don't feel like our wife is giving us the honor due to us we can withhold the very thing that means the most of them and that is withhold our love this 1st simplist says to us as men and sometimes it's the other way around but I'm speaking of in general terms sometimes it reverses but don't wait for love don't exact love give love and watch what happens when you begin to do that and the verse continues and it says and Mike Wise is also the wife and to the husband so both are accountable aren't day the husband and the wife due benevolence due benevolence look for ways to promote the happiness between the 2 of you if we would have done that 1 verse we would have acted upon that principle that day we could have had a very pleasant hour ride back to the hospital and we wouldn't have to go through a lot of pain and sorrow and heartache and frustration and everything else because we would have acted by Thing A Not by feeling on the Word of God So it's really for both of us it's nice if the husband will take a step up to that but hey if he doesn't now doesn't leave the wife excused because it says and likewise also wife. To the husband So 1 of us has to step forward and many times it's him and sometimes it's me or many times me and sometimes him whatever your dynamic is don't be afraid to be the 1st to step forward don't wait on the other person because sometimes waiting on the other person only causes the cycle to deepen deepen because the thoughts and feelings just don't go away and are waiting. To recycle. So if you're taking notes number 1 is that we need to be willing to identify our pattern of malfunction or cycle malfunction every marriage has 1 what is a cycle that is not to be confused with if my wife would change I could have a happy marriage if my husband could give his act together as a leader of the home we would have a happy marriage and that's not the cycle we're talking about we're talking about you whoever you are being willing to say Lord show me the cycle there are many people we've done this meeting many places or many people that have shared with us we instantly knew what our cycles. We know exactly she does this I say that she says that and I immediately respond this way and we're in it and it goes down from there for us it's 3 days or the other person it's a week or so it's a few hours whatever it is it's almost predictable so it meant because until we had met it's the same with our Christian walk with. Until we admit the need that we have not blame but admitting letting the Holy Spirit work here we do not need we do not feel our need to get the help that God wants to give us so identify your pattern OK and that's a good thing to do just talk about so the steps we're giving you are things you can talk about you know when this presentation so. As the day draws on or before you leave this can't talk about it it's easy to talk about especially if you're not in 1 it's very hard to talk back or actually in 1 but still do it is the grace of God is is number 2 take ownership of your side what you contribute to that. Most always are 1st thought is once we identify it's all because of him if he would get his act together he would do this he would do that then now take ownership because there's 2 people in this relationship and both contribute to the relationship both contribute to the happiness and joy and both of us contribute to that malfunction so take ownership of our side and don't look at what the other spouse is doing number 3 and this is a beautiful thing of how God unfolds this to us when we are willing to admit that we have the cycle when we then are willing to take responsibility for my side my contribution to the cycle a beautiful thing begins to happen then God begins to show us how we can contribute to turning the cycle into miracles and that is where it gets. The other stuff is not easy it's hard but it's it's it's practical it must happen but when we stop blaming take responsibility for my side it meant my side to my spouse. And by God's grace if both are willing to do this it takes off from there now we begin to have our eyes the scales fall off our eyes our eyes open we start seeing what we can do to now rake that cycle contribute new life into the marriage instead of contributing my side of the malfunction then we go on to number 4 when we recognize this next important factor is we have to recognize we can't make the changing of ourselves because we've all try We've all tried by you know not letting the intensity Our Voice know our you know rising or we've tried to not saying anything we are helpless against the enemy and he's there stern it up right he's already succeeded because we're already in the spiral of the malfunction so when it when we recognize what God is wanting us to do to change it the next thing we need to do is pray for God to help us right if we are insufficient we might start good but somewhere down the line especially if they don't respond the way we think they need to or say the words we want them to we start then shift out of the restoring aspect that we start shifting back into our default mode so recognize we need God's power to work in our lives. Jeremiah 3227 says I am the God of all. Is there anything too hard for me do you believe that God can deal with our flush your flesh Jenny. If he's given permission he doesn't force but there is nothing too hard for God and whenever I say that. I think OK so what is the hardest thing. The hardest thing for God in His human family is when he clearly reveals what I'm doing wrong and I fold my arms so to speak and say now. No I'm not going to let you have access to what we don't think of it that way but sometimes we harden our heart that we do harden our heart because we want to blame it somewhere else and that is 1 of the hardest things now it's not too hard for caught but he doesn't force us he allows us to continue on but oh how much better if every couple in here you were sharing this message because we we are living this experience and you hear it's fresh experience it's not a new experience but it's not a once saved always saved experience. And what a blessing when we both surrender to God and see the exponential effect of miracle working our changing our malfunctions to miracles and it is truly a miracle any time crisis to use a heart as a mere Right OK and then the next step is 1. We agree to meet 3 to do this give each other permission when you since you're about ready to step into our starting to. Give each other permission to say and this is our turn. This is our turn it's happened. If I say it's happening you know exactly what I'm talking about could tickle right to the bottom we get we see it right now and it's just in its infancy and now is the opportunity to turn that thing around through Christ and so not only do we need to identify the past that we've had and how God wants to you know work in the present but when it begins to be a new experience or a new trial or a new temptation and new now function beginning 1 of us will always recognize it typically both so that's a very important point number. Yeah and that happened in Minneapolis airport and now that's been. About a year and a half anyway I doesn't mean we haven't had a struggle since then but it Minneapolis airport we were walking down the moving walkway together and I can remember exactly where we were at the end of the movie. And my wife turned to me and she said it's happening and I want to tell you that at that moment because we had given each other permission at that moment in an instant the Holy Spirit in like me OK I knew exactly what she was saying but in that same space of time myself did not want to admit that it was happening OK so you can relate to this if you can't you will after this. All right because you wouldn't be these meetings are at this camp meeting if you weren't being somewhat sensitive to the Holy Spirit and so at them moment I knew I had a choice to make. We had already talked about it we already knew where our cycle would take us and I praise God that in that moment I said yes to God and no to the self that was crying out inside me we spent the next flight it was a connecting flight many of us on our way to Hamley retreat to literature to share the practical gospel all the way almost the entire flight at leg of a flight we talked about a life changing miracle working power because we know what it means when it happens and when we respond we know what it means. And usually it starts out with something really. Right but something really small because it bugs both of us we can take some small make something really big out of it and so praise the Lord it didn't have to go there and what was really small is do either Minneapolis Oregon destination point now is that small it is but here's why because we didn't communicate right I made the 1st Miss misconception I assumed that because my husband would like to space our meals apart that Minneapolis was too soon so we would eat at our final destination see it starts right back at the misconception and he assumed we almost always get our connection points so we're going to eat there and by this time we had past all of the possible eateries we're at the furtherest in the airport from anything that we could get we are now needing to get on that plane in less than 5 minutes and it's happening happening. It's. So that's how small and insignificant those things are that set it in motion it's very vulnerable but it's very honest and you know it's taught us a lesson we can't just assume anything we need to communicate about everything so Point Number 6 pray specifically about your cycle of malfunction praise specifically Lord we see it it looks like this in our will and our marriage but Lord we want you to redeem us from this and help us to tune into that still small voice help us to tune in to you help us to tune into our love for each other and through prayer at the park or the Lord says you have not because you ask ask and receive so we need ask the Lord we need that kind of help we are like little babies down here we need a lot of help 1 of the things that we have come to love and appreciate in our marriage is praying together out loud every evening before we go to sleep we pray together out loud and it is proving to be such a blessing because you get to hear the heart yes we still have our private prayers or secret prayers that we the soul needs those but we pray together we make time to party gather and it's been such a blessing because now as we pray we are praying for each other not on each other if you understand 2 different words pray and pray pray for and we're praying for the upbuilding of our marriage for the faithfulness of our marriage and it's an encouragement to pray those prayers. And the 7th 1 7th step is if you fail and we have failed you don't give up and say it's not going to work you get back up. And you you are more determined through prayer in love with 1 another that we're going to do it differently we're going to do God's way next time so please never give up get up on your feet just like you do with your toddler when they're learning to walk in they they fall over you don't kick them and say well you're never going to learn this No you pick a mommy does the knees of the game big hug and he she give him a big hug and kiss and say honey we're going to get through this we can learn to walk by faith we can learn to walk and be the couples would have. Been looking 18 and verse $27.00 and the words of Jesus are things which are impossible. Impossible with men are possible with God. You believe that it is possible because I'm going to sing a song for you and title forever friends listen to the words we want this for you as well we want to be forever friends right. Around us. Change the seasons come and see this go. Very few things the last for ever but deep within here in our hearts we are. Worth or have our prayer. Can take away for ever Where is caring in a special kind. To my. Hair the stand. He. Loves for a way where for a brain. We have all children of the father in his T.V. and his. And the Spirit that He gives us his soul love where men. Were for ever. Is bound by love that time can go away. For ever heard. Everything. You know. There's the nothing. Else for ever. Right. Now for a. Full read. So I want to close with a prayer. Of our draw and the questions. About where you are able. To have and we are so thank you created. We're so thankful that you created. In to experience. A selfless. To be expressed to another person through that through to other people so Lord Today we pray that you will help each 1 of us to cooperate with your never never. To work in our hearts that we can make our marriages through your. That you want them to be and we. Already promised. In Jesus. OK So we've got our got our names in the box coming down. You. You know I'll hold you can. Kendra Simpson. Simpson all the way in the back come on down OK very good. So each of the little gifts is designed to add some little sparkle or some fun in your marriage and we just talked about malfunctions and miracles so you can. Yes Put it somewhere where you both see it and be remembered of the right moment. Visual reminders are helpful aren't they OK Are there any questions Were there any questions put it yesterday. No questions no questions OK Anybody have a question if they're brave enough to ask that you when asked OK OK So he's talking about children children can be grown up and the question is can they or do they sometimes interfere with the cycle. So in other words care and they sometimes aid in creating a cycle of malfunction. Well yes they can OK It's interesting you don't obviously know your situation but I can tell you that statistically we're living in a time when the baby boomer generation is. Taking on a housing situation where more young people in their twenty's and thirty's are now living at home then it any time since they've been keeping records if that happens and sometimes that may happen because of the economy difficulties whatever that can. Begin to create a problem OK it could create a problem if there's discontent rather than appreciation or there can be appreciation from the young people but you know there at least 1 of them if it's a married couple coming back in which there's a lot more of that today they still want to have their independence and sometimes that's at the expense of you know the way life is meant to run in your home that can create some problems and so in that scenario there needs to be plain rules about how that's handled and it doesn't just have to be somebody moving back home because sometimes you know our children we have 3 they're all young and sometimes they can they might have attitudes or they might have demands that maybe 1 of the parents is more sympathetic to maybe the other 1 it can be this way or this way and we have to remember that this relationship here was 1st and even though we have adult children we need to protect this relationship 1st and so if we find anything that any of our children are doing that is maybe unintentionally but because of the the circumstances of whatever it's coming in and it's starting to divide us here then we have agree that we aren't going to let that happen and if it's something that I see this 1 way and he sees it a different way we're going to go right back to the Word of God and we're going to find out what does he say. About the situation we're dealing with so maybe that means no we don't give them you know we don't bail them out this time OK we're not going to give them money this is a big thing that we see you know the children I mean living at home but 1 of the parents wants to keep funneling some funds to not see their young people sink and the other 1 says wait a minute this is this is taking away from our life together it's destabilizing us for our future and so that's just a simple example so what's important is this relationship is 1st and anything or anyone who wants to come in between this it needs to be recognized not because it's malicious or intentional but because we have agreed that we are going to stand united and we will work through the situation through principles out of God's Word to try to handle it in Christ like manner to bring not only the restore and the blessing here in this relationship but not to alienate our young people as well as a very good question I'd like to take that question even though it wasn't asked we usually always another you know because we don't have time because we are we're. So I may be deliberate personal think maybe some of the people to if you're here without your spouse what your experience what's the best way to share possible cycle with your spouse who's not your particular if they're reluctant to merge advice and the OK Well that last part reluctant. Probably the best way the most. Unobtrusive or simplest way would be to get the recording which they're available and to be able to share that. Without saying you really need this money. If that part of. Just say I was blessed by this and I think you can grow our marriage and we're always looking for ways if that you know if you don't end up getting it I would say the 2nd best way or you get it in they don't want to hear it and they don't want to hear is that. You share from your perspective and this is what I always encourage men to do when I'm talking to a man about what can change in the relationship that anything that you are willing to recognize as the 1st number 1 with the cycle that you recognize what you do to contribute to the cycle that you be willing to take that to the Lord prayerfully and and honestly let him begin to work on you and then God will probably give you in addition to your wife seeing some things changing will give you the opportunity to share what God is doing in your heart not what he needs to do in her heart and that can be very positive coming from your side and I think yes as we recognize you know. Like we're starting now to track we've been through too many times it's never ended up in a good place so. I just want you know that I love you and that we can get through this and try to redirect the conversation redirect you know what you're part what you're doing even if you say you know and some women I mean I know there's couples where you say Let's pray they are a manically dig in their heels because there's fear they're not just wrestling and sure that wrestling against God doesn't just work that was a woman it can be you know and I could be that way that's why I'm saying so anyway you know it may if you know that that saying that might you know spark some resistance and just pray quietly but let them see that soft answer turns are a raft and you might have to say maybe we've talked about this long enough or where we are now and so it doesn't get any worse that's you know it's just takes time process and it's come back together you know. Pulling down and some couples are real quickly some couples work really well that if we suggest doing something together not you know would you listen to this but can we listen to this together because I was really encouraged by this and let's take some notes and let's hit pause or whatever and let's process this that could be a new way of addressing approaching this lady. Yeah we made a commitment and we talked about it yesterday where if there's something that we're coming up against that we don't see and we're not seeing at the same that instead of trying get into an argument we've made an agreement that we will go to the word so whatever it's related to we will prayerfully and we do this we will prayerfully go in if we don't know where to go for the tax or go to the can corns it up that's pretty simple and. You some key words and it's an amazing thing how much there is in God's word in the spirit of prophecy that in light in the Situation. Unfortunately are out of time. 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