Favorite Sermon Add to Playlist
Photo of Kristyn Dolinsky

Identity Crisis- Part 1

Kristyn Dolinsky


Kristyn Dolinsky shares the first part of her personal testimony, sharing her struggles growing up, and her experience in the entertainment industry.


Kristy worked as an actor in the film and television industry for 16 years before being convicted to follow God instead.


  • May 23, 2018
    7:00 PM
Logo of Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)

Copyright ©2017 AudioVerse.

Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US) license.

The ideas in this recording are those of its contributors and may not necessarily reflect the views of AudioVerse.


Audio Downloads

This transcript may be automatically generated

Well I've had such a nice time getting to know you a few of you a little bit just got in late last night. And so I thought that I would take this time today and tomorrow to tell you a little bit about myself. I have some pictures here and I hope also if you could if you brought your Bibles that we could. Use them tonight as well so this is going to be part 1 of my story and. Thank you Michel 1st I just wanted to show you that me. As far back as I could remember my my parents had been separated my mom separated from my biological father. And I was an only child just me there. And that was our family my grandpa like my gramma my mom and my mom's brother my uncle and that was us as I was growing up. But you know for being an only child I I think that I had a lot of love I felt very loved I was surrounded by my family a lot of the time and I grew up 1st some years in my grandparents' house. But when my my mom remarried. I was 5 and so that was my stepdad there. And right around that time when she remarried I remember I started going on visit. There was a really big. Ugly custody battle and then I had to go on visits to my biological father every other weekend so I did that until I was 10 years old so that was a lot of my childhood. And it was really it was really tough as a little kid I cried every night that I was there my biological father's and I didn't want to leave my mom and my new dad and my dad I consider him to be my real dad is my step dad. He was 27 years old when when he and my mom got married and it you know it was just a number back then but I look back at it now and I'm like I was really young and I was really young too too I think maybe some people would say get saddled with baggage with with a woman who was older and had a 5 year old and that's how he basically started off his life. Fresh you know fresh out of out of college and then working for a couple years but the thing that I love about my dad is that he he did it freely he did it selflessly you know he wanted to do it wasn't like a burden it wasn't like. Just from the get go he was just my dad and I was his kid and that was it and that's all that I needed to know. My dad and I were very close he and I are probably the closest in our family which I find extremely interesting and ironic because we're not blood related. But I found extremely interesting that as I got to spend more time with him. He's the 1 that I spent the most time with we we went on Karaites together you know my my mom was actually the 1 who was working and she had to work pretty far away it was like a 45 minute drive there and back so she couldn't pick me up from school so my dad was the 1 who did it and my dad was the 1 who was there to oversee my homework my dad was the 1 who helped me you know learn how to play chess learn how to play basketball just teach me how to to roller skate roller blade. So we did a lot of things together and he really was my real dad and because we spent a lot of time together I ended up growing up to be a lot like him in many ways the more time we spent together and he ended up adopting me eventually when I was 15 years old. But as for those visits that I had to go through to my biological father I completely. After they happened they were so I think traumatic for me that I I just blocked them out of my mind and it got to be to the point where I was like OK they almost happened to another person as I was getting older and older. But that was me when I was little. I I love to read I I would wake up in the morning at like 6 am really excited to read the book that I put down the night before and I would just. Like the biggest nerd in her just like read in my bed and it would be like the most exciting thing for me to do and you know I was an only child so I was used to playing by my cell and you know just it was easy I was very quiet kid my own my mom always used to say like you know you weren't any trouble whatsoever you just go off into a corner and read or like you know draw and I would love to do those things I was a BT and and I really really liked school like when I was little I would play going to school. And that was like that was like my as I was as I was playing so as you can see that was that was me reading everywhere I went when my mom went to the mall I would follow her reading when we went out to a restaurant like that would be reading so I really liked learning I really liked school and when I was. When I was around 9 or 10 years old I. Tested into a gifted school where you had to have a certain I.Q.. To go there so I went to a very elite school when I was you know going into middle school. And how I grew up was I'm actually 6th generation 7th Day Adventists. Yeah that's that's what my grandpa says and he may be a little off on the numbers but the point is Tut is that I come from a long line of 7th Day Adventists but the thing was that we were not even cultural 7th Day Adventists for a lot of you know I never went to 7th Day Adventist schools I think after 2nd grade I went to another private school I I I didn't have personal devotionals we we basically just went to church on Saturday and that's all I knew but I did love to pray I remember I love to pray with my my gramma she would pray by her bedside every day. And at a certain time and I would always run in there and tell her OK not too long but I'll pray with you go and pray with her and I would you know I had the picture Bible in those Bible stories the blue set of books and I was used to love that so I you know. I had I guess an idea of of God but not a very correct 1. And when I was around 7 I got into singing I really like to sing and so my parents started me on lessons and. By the time I was 10 years old I was starting to do professional singing. So that's the other thing that I really loved I love school and I love to sing and you know belong to these Broadway review troops and stuff that's the picture on the lower right. And it was really interesting member how I said I my view of God really wasn't accurate I remember this very very clearly just every time before I would go on stage for a performance like the that day you know I be in school and I just act really super nice like extra nice because in my head I was like OK so if I act extra nice then God will give me a good performance that night and it was this you know I think it's very natural although it's incorrect a very natural thing to to kind of want to give and do like this quid pro quo kind of relationship with the Lord. And that's what I thought but what I didn't realize was that all of our righteousness is our schools the rag and I wanted to just start by if you could turn to Galatians 63 with me I want to read this collation $63.00 says For if a man think unself to be something when he is nothing he deceived himself and I love this verse because it very clearly says when he is nothing it's not if he is nothing it's when that that's a given we and not in a. Not in a negative way it's just we don't have anything to offer to the Lord He is the 1 who makes something we come to him empty handed and he fills it and he works through us that is a relationship that I did not understand at that point and you'll see I think what happens. So after a few years you know I'm starting to get really well known as a singer starting to some accolades but then acting comes along and now I'm in high school and I'm a freshman and I'm doing the fresh you know I was the only freshman in the fall play and I'm doing this play at high school and where I was I come from Los Angeles I was born and raised in Los Angeles and I went to school in Los Angeles and in that area it's really near Hollywood what happens is that a lot of youth managers who manage young actors they come looking for new talent and they they go looking in certain schools there's just like a list of private schools that they go through and they just go and watch play watch musicals and they see who would be a good client and I got a play which by my 1st manager and he said hey you know you want to start doing this professionally acting in film and television and this is this is the entertainment industry it's in Hollywood. So you know I had been approached several times before and now you know my folks said hey you know you're old enough to make your own decisions in this what do you want to do and we had always declined before but I said you know I'm going to give it a try this time so that was my 1st headshot. And let me tell you I when I got introduced into the acting world I mean I was sheltered relatively And when I got introduced to this world it was almost like a culture shock to me you know I had never before really cared what I looked like. I didn't think too you know scrutinized my face so well but in the acting industry. You have to be camera ready that means that I had to lose 15 pounds because the camera adds 15 pounds that means that I started to use my eyebrow looking at all the little imperfections in my face I started dressing differently I started wearing clothing that was you know more revealing something that made me look good and wanted. To so that people would hire me so all of these things started to happen I started really paying attention to my to my outward appearance and there you know I got a new haircut. And the other major thing was that I stopped singing. Acting was the new thing and singing was a thing of the past. And what started to happen as I started to live this life as an actor and still go to school at the same time was that my personality was changing very very gradually but you know I started off as this quiet little bookworm loved to work and loved to work hard in school and I was just changing changing. Learning to be more aggressive learning to fend for myself out there you know you go into these audition rooms and I'll speak more about this more detail but it's just you are the next girl and you want to be you. So that was a mentality that started to be building in my head. But the thing was is that my my view of myself was was inaccurate because I think I still thought of myself as this quiet girl and I I love you know chivalrous books and nobility and all these things and and then what I was actually doing in my real life didn't match with that and so they started getting older there were these 2 tracks that started happening in my life 1 was that I did really well in school. As always and it came really easily for me and I started getting drama awards I was voted most likely to succeed in my high school class is all these things that looked really nice on paper. And then on the other hand. I actually started doing drugs and I started drinking and I started smoking and that all this with with my introduction into the business world the business side of acting so I had these 2 tracks going. And by the time I graduated I graduated Of course you moved whom loud and then I went and got accepted early decision to Stanford and everything was looking really up and up I just kept on succeeding you know kept on succeeding in this world and and so I started to develop a pretty high opinion of myself and I kind of thought OK well you got this far. You can do it you can do whatever you want and I went when I went to Stanford that kind of tough toughness that I had been building just kind of exploded. And I had a really. Big ups and downs at Stanford. I overdosed. I got my stomach pumped twice from alcohol poisoning I went to the E.R. had ID theft and I went through severe weight gains weight losses I was clinically depressed moved off campus so the thing was was that my mindset when I was at Stanford was still extremely career oriented I was acting all the way from when I was 16 years old and I didn't take a break I went to school and I acted at the same time and I continued just all the way through college the reason why I chose Stanford was so that I could easily fly back to L.A. and and do work. And do jobs and and so you know. The thing about Stanford is that I didn't I didn't go there. With with the with the pure mindset I think I I went there thinking OK well I'm going to act for the rest of my life. I can I already have my career set and so I'm just going to do whatever I want to I chose English so I love to read. So I went and I majored in English there and. I was super successful at school there as well even while I was doing drugs and having all these yo yos and ups and downs. You know I I got a independent grant my 1st year there. I. Graduated a quarter or early. But. It struck me that you know someone like me on each of your campuses would you ever talk with someone like me about the Bible would you ever even approach them. It struck me because I desperately needed help I I was spiritual leader lost in fact I was lost in a lot of ways. But I had this super tough exterior and if someone had approached me about even like a bible study or a care group I just might have gone and I think you know we you don't know where these people who are who may seem to have it all together on the outside what background they had or where they were they came from and I had an idea of God It may have not been accurate but I believed in him at least so it just struck me that maybe people who don't seem like they need anything or they seem like they have it all together you don't really know. Which is why 1 of the reasons why the Holy Spirit is there for us is to impress us on these things so you can see by the graduated Stanford I was a little bit of a ham. Really liked the camera. And after after I graduated from Stanford I was very excited to just move back to L.A. and start my. My acting career full time this is going to be the 1st time that I would ever do that since I had school all the rest of my years and so. I'm acting full time now and now it can be full blown I had a lot of early success in my twenty's I had already purchased my own home in West Hollywood I had a brand new convertible a limited edition I was partying really hard and working really hard smoking drinking doing drugs didn't have any lasting or meaningful relationships and I was getting a really big head. And so it was a big change I think from that from when I was. A little kid going on visits and crying every night I was tough and invincible and you can break through me. And I did that for another 10 years so all of my twenty's. And I just wanted to share with you a little about how that life is so that you could understand how how I was immersed in that kind of culture and it is a it is its own separate culture and you basically go to auditions. A lot of your time and that's basically interviews to get a job so you're putting yourself out there and that is a big part of your job. You go when you read you know you prepare sides which are a few pages of script few pages of lines and you read it with someone in a room. And then they tape you and then from there if they like you then they call you that can then if they like more than you get hired basically that's the general idea but your job as an actor is to go to that audition and prepare for that audition and to keep yourself looking good so what I did was I went exercised this is a my my day and what an exercise if I had an audition that day I drove maybe half an hour or $45.00 minutes to the audition spend maybe another 20 minutes in the audition room or if I had to wait. And then drove the half hour back home and I was my day. I had no 9 to 5 job. And the rest of the day was basically mine to do what I wanted. On set when you're actually on a job you know you're you're actually waited on your waited on you're treated like gold. As an actor you know they don't need to get anything yourself you don't touch anything OK you want some coffee I'll get you some coffee when should lunch I'll get you launch you stay in your trailer call out when when it's your scene to do you go and do your scene then you wait I mean there were some days when I spent 19 hours on set and I worked. An hour and the rest of the time was mine to do what I wanted to. And I wanted to go to this verse in the Bible. To put it in contrast it's Lamentations 325 and limitations 325 says the Lord is good unto them that wait for him to the Souls that seek it in and it just I just thought when I read that you know when the Lord tells us to wait that we're supposed to wait for him he says that that's actually seeking him that's that's an active kind of waiting that that is in such contrast to this kind of idle life that I had I mean you know I work. A few weeks out of the year and I can make a living out of it were paid thousands and thousands of dollars as an actor so what am I doing for the rest of my time and certainly not seeking the Lord I'm not doing anything actively in pursuing him the Bible talks a lot about edification edifying and the Latin definition of this I love this it's the building up of the soul I love that that's beautiful and and the Lord says hey I'm advising you I'm instructing you do this for this life here build each other up build yourself up build your soul up what does that mean the Bible tells us and this is important edification means partially seeking Him through His Word if you don't know the Lord if you don't study him. You're not seeking Him You don't even know who he is where else can we find him except in His Word 2nd Timothy 316 and 17 we all know this all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine for reproof for correction for instruction in right she sniffs that the man of God may be perfect throughly furnished furnished equipped unto all good works as beautiful that that means that we have a duty to do that isn't just idle ie sitting there doing your own thing fact just twiddling my thumbs the book Education Page 17 says the Holy Scriptures are the perfect standard of truth and as such should be given the highest place the highest place in education I wasn't doing anything of that in fact I had never done that and I was out of school and working in the workforce at that time a couple of other things that I just wanted to mention you know the other thing that I would do is I told you I'd go into auditions and I would be in the waiting room. And there would be all these other girls there auditioning for the same part and you can see them and they can see you and you can spend time with them you're sitting there just waiting waiting the pressure is immense and so you naturally begin to have a very competitive spirit when you're in there and you begin to compare and I would look at them I would look them up and down and be like to that you know I mean look what kind of a Where was my head at that point I wanted to lift myself and tear every 1 else down if it's part of my psyche myself up so that I could go into the audition room and while the casting directors. Romans 1210 let's turn their. Romans 1210 says he kindly affectioned 1 to another with brotherly love in honor preferring 1 another preferring 1 another when I read that said that wasn't the kind of spirit that I was building up in fact I wanted to do the exact opposite and the other thing that was really interesting was that I was memorizing like I told you different sides different scripts each day I would read different scripts. Written by whoever. Was part of my preparation and I wouldn't rise. A few pages every day and they be different they be different for whatever audition I go into you think about that just changing character every day every day. Almost every day you're not only are you reading someone else's words that the script writer wrote but you're feeling their feelings as an actor your. Experiencing what they experience your becoming someone else that's what the best actor does best actors a chameleon I thought this was really interesting this is some of the work that I did. I've played Let's see a vampire slayer a murder which a cop prostitute last seen on an island pregnant mother spoiled child even played a transformer. But I found this in comparison to glacial and very interesting glaciers 5 glaciers 5 start with 19. Says now the works of the flesh are manifest which are these adultery fornication uncleanness wishes isness idolatry witchcraft hatred variance emulations wrath strife additions heresies and it goes on and I realized I played most of those things I became most of those things it gave me pause you know what the really funny thing my my agent that picture in the middle of the last headshot I took and I thought it was interesting because when my agent was choosing we were choosing which headshot we're looking at the context nice oh that 1 that 1 looks good and she went No Well no let's go with this 1 and I said why and she said well because you have a really neutral expression on your face you could be anything and the casting director would look at that and say OK she could play this or she could play that or she play this person and when I look at the foetal all I see is this vacant expression like I had no identity and it's because I really didn't do her on a meet 3 said. That he might make the know that man does not live by bread only but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of the Lord tough man live but I wasn't living by the word of the Lord in fact I think I was living to die Proverbs 62122 I love this it says bind them continually upon dying heart talking about God's law and tie them about the neck when the goal is to chill lead the when the sleep is to child keep the in when the Awake assist it shall talk with the user things that you're supposed to have in your memory in your memory bank. They're supposed to be close to you but I didn't have those things I didn't have God's law and have God's words in my memory bank I had other people's words I had other people's flaws in my head not only that but as I got older. Different parts came about and if you remember man. For a long time ago but H.B.O. and Showtime they started putting out these cable dramas and they started asking for a lot of nudity. And at 1 point I was like No I would never do that but a few years later I said yeah sure do that because my moral compass had changed I had been OK I hadn't been OK with graphic violence graphic nudity swearing cursing now when I 1st started but a few years down the row my moral compass was what can I do to get this job I'll do anything to beat out this other person. I think it makes you think fusions for 22 just wanted to read. The Bible has many places where we're Scripture says this but a fusion for $22.00 says that you put off concerning the former conversation the old man which is corrupt according to the deceitful loss and be renewed in the spirit of your mind and that you put on the new man which after God is created in right to snus and true holiness and I thought about this and I said well graphic nudity you're just bearing it all the world you don't have any shame whatsoever and you know what the acting industry actually touts that is good commitment to character but the Lord says to put on his right yes Miss. We're we're not supposed to be shame less even our Even Adam and Eve knew that Genesis $37.00 says the eyes of them out of many Both were open and they knew that they were naked they knew it and me in that thing in history in all of this other actors they're not even aware that they think it's a good thing I wanted to read these last 2 things before closing 1 of my favorite verses John 173 we could go there John 173 and this is life eternal that they might know the only true God and Jesus Christ who now has sent that has several meanings. 1 is that to have eternal life we must get to know God in this present life he's fitting us for our our life with Him in heaven this is the time that we can do this is the time that we can start to get to know him and it takes a lifetime and I had wasted 16 years not getting to know him that I may know him great devotional page 7 says this in the Word of God There are rich mines of truth that we may spend our whole lifetime in exploring and yet we shall find that we have only begun to view their precious stores their unsearchable riches for us it will take us all eternity to comprehend the riches of the glory of God and of Jesus Christ all eternity and we have this time to be fit to do that for all eternity. And I just wanted to give you a little insight into the acting world because I'm not saying that you know there can be careers out there where you know it's not it's it's you have to do evangelism all 24 you know that that's talking about Lehman here so there is a difference between a career where you you get brought closer to God. By the witnessing that you do not only that but the very work that you do and there's a difference between a career in acting where to me the very very inherent nature of it is meant to put you 1st and God out of the picture it's meant to take up your whole heart and your whole soul because you're becoming other people in fact you're making that character your character no matter whether it's a what if you're playing Christian OK Well we're still written by someone else wasn't written by God It still was written by a sinful person we're all sinners so I was at this point in my life where I thought I had need of nothing. It was self sufficient I had a successful career. I had a successful home I was starting to be very wealthy and it was at that point that God decided to reach out to me or actually I should say this was at that point that I actually listened to him and I got a very very big surprise and I dropped a very very long way but that I will say for tomorrow OK. And don't ask me about it because I won't say a word. Until tomorrow so. I want to leave you with this is that you know you you all are are going into careers or maybe. Already started your career but just so that you just think about it think about what career you're pursuing think about what career you want to pursue pray about it is this career going to take you farther from God or closer to him because that the life's work that truly matters is your relationship with him so let's close with her father god. We thank you so much that you are a loving heavenly Father you reach out to us you want a personal relationship with us you want us to get to know you just like you want to get to know us and you have here each and every 1 here you want to have a personal relationship with them I pray that we open the door to you you reach out every day every day as a dying to. Pray that we each reach out. Cling on to the promises that you have. And I thank you for what you've done in my life and I may share it. In your name and. Media was brought to you by Audioboo a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio. If you would like to listen more service revisit W W W audio or.


Embed Code

Short URL