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Identity Crisis- Part 2

Kristyn Dolinsky


Kristyn Dolinsky shares the second part of her personal testimony, how God called her out of the entertainment industry into a career of service to God.


Kristy worked as an actor in the film and television industry for 16 years before being convicted to follow God instead.


  • May 24, 2018
    7:00 PM
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So we're going to continue and there's a joyful and the identity crisis praise God. So I'll do all this short little recap. From last night we were at the point where I graduated from Stanford and I'd gone back home to L.A. and started acting full time I was a very successful in my early twenty's had everything much more than. My friends did at our age I had specifically stopped singing something that I love doing and I was acting full time who was deep into the party culture I was snorting up things and popping pills and just had it all over on a piercings swearing whatever I wanted to smoking I was drinking. And I was very very different from the child who went to you know her biological father's home for visits every other weekend and cried herself to sleep and really sad really quiet child. Really quite no beauty and good at school child it seemed like I was almost a different person and as for church or I had stopped going my whole family had stopped going by the time they were I was 10 so it's like 20 some odd years and it was at this point where I was in my home in West Hollywood and I remember distinctly thinking this to myself is a very clear thought in my head that God did not exist. And it was a shift for me it was a a faith shift because your call you know up to this point even if I had an incorrect view of who God was I still at least believe that there was a god and it was when I started to say well I did all this on my own. I don't need a god. And if there is 1 it's certainly not anyone who has any. Store in my life. And I was thinking of saying this and I was sounding very similar to a verse in the Bible actually 2 verses and I'd like for you all to turn with me to a very familiar passage think it's Isaiah 1413 starting in verse 13 Isaiah 1413 and it reads for though has said in the heart I will ascend into heaven I will exalt my throne of the stars of God I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation in the sides of the north I will ascend above the heights of the clouds I will be like the most high because I could be my own god in my life right I don't need 1 but I think it's a very sobering thought to think that your thoughts are exactly like a Lucifer is was before he rebelled or as he was rebelling certainly was sobering to me and to me it was very clear from this that if a man is left or if a person is left to his or her own devices without any guidance from God His Word Is Law His commandments that this is the kind of thing that happens Proverbs $1412.00 says there is a way which seem with right into a man but the end thereof are the ways of. Yes and I didn't know it at the time but I was on my way out and then like I told you last night. Everything went wrong. That I was at the height of the mountain top of the secular my secular profession in the world and. I'm not the 1st 1 that this is happened to praise the Lord. I couldn't book a job. For like a year. I just kept on month after month after month after month the work just dried up just at the point when I was so secure with myself and my talent oh my yes you know and so it was a a year and it became to be over a year soon and pretty soon I was thinking about whether or not I had to declare bankruptcy and whether or not I was going to lose my home and I ended up losing my home or foreclosed on the home on the condo and I ended up moving back in with my parents which to me me back then was the worst possible thing that could happen I had never been so humiliated in my life because I had built myself to be someone who could who was tough and who could take care of herself and who didn't need anyone who could buy the you know just just by grabbing on with her own merits and pulling myself out that I could do it. And then on top of it all I mean I didn't even tell my friends I was so ashamed. I've kept at this pretense that I was living in West Hollywood still. It was ridiculous and then on top of that a few months later my grampa had a heart attack and he had to have open heart surgery and that was a big deal for me this was my grandpa who you saw in the in the family photos that I had shown before and I was very close with my family even though at that point in my life I had rather blocked all of them out from my life this was like an eye opener for me. And so I had this major blow in my professional life and I had an equally major blow in my personal life and so. Those kinds of moments I think make you rethink and you. You reassess where your life is going. In times of tribulation in times of trial and you know I was I was sitting there in the hospital and my grandfather surgery praise the Lord was successful and he came out of it. Cognizant and lucid and for the next few weeks it was my family and me in the hospital. While he recovered and extended family would come and visit but it was a time that I hadn't had since I was small which was time with my family and there was really nothing to do I didn't have work. So so I just sat there and you know helped to take care of him. Just be there be there with my family and it was on 1 of those days and I was sitting there. And he was in my Grandfather was you know sitting up in. For some reason you're going to try and cheer him up and you know let's make a list I told him Let's Make a list of all the things that you want to do that you hadn't. Done in a long time that you want to put back in your life when you get out of the hospital kind of like a an encouragement right but the thinking was is that it was really for myself I was I was really doing that because I needed the encouragement. And I wanted to put things back in my life that I had neglected. But I used him as a proxy and I said to him oh you know. I have an A I have a good 1 let's go back to church and I didn't even realize like I wasn't even thinking it but I think in my heart I was thinking it and that was just the 1st thing that came out of my mouth and they couldn't tell you why at the moment at the time I can tell you why but that's the thing that I desired most and so he fully recovered. And my gramma my grampa they moved close a little close by to us where I was living with my family still and true to my word when he was fully recovered I would drive to their home 20 minutes in the opposite direction from our old church pick them up and drive the 45 minutes over an hour actually back to church. And I started to do this every Sabbath. And then a few weeks later I asked my dad if he wanted to go with us and he started coming and then a few months later I asked my mom and my uncle if they wanted to come with us and then eventually they started coming and. 20 years and my whole entire family is going back to church and the thing about church was that it got me thinking about things again and got me thinking about singing which I had stopped completely because we had a really good church choir and I would always love to listen to them and this was the exact same church that a grown up you know singing it so I would look at them up there to hear that I was I used to do that but I think I was really scared because you know I had. I been like I said I've been snorting things and smoking you know how to pack a day and I was scared to start that again. But I kept it in the back of my head it was always something like a you know secret little thought I would think they would believe it would be nice to do again and so we've been going to this church for quite some time maybe like a year and some of the things that this new pastor that we had gotten got me thinking and questioning what the Bible actually said and to this point I hadn't cracked open a Bible I had just been going to church. And so I finally you know I I felt the need I wanted to read the Bible for myself and understand it as an adult and my dad felt very similarly and I guess without my knowing he actually called up my Uncle Paul which was his best friend from high school and he knew that my Uncle Paul was a man of God and he was the 1st person he called up and I guess he told Uncle Paul about you know what we had been hearing at church and he had questions and Chris had questions to. And then 1 evening we drove out to to meet my uncle Paul halfway like an hour more than an hour away from where we lived and we had dinner with him and we just caught up then seen him in again like over 20 years and Paul goes well you know that's that's great and then and then after dinner he just you know we walked casually to his car opened up his trunk in the trunk of his car were books and D.V.D.'s just all in a pile in his old trunk in his car and he gave my dad a bible he gave me a Bible gave us a ton of books Spirit of Prophecy to read. D.V.D.'s to watch he said if you're interested in finding out about this doctrine about this doctrine about this doctrine this is a good place to start and he did it all for free. And so I think it I think it you know was similar to what Ryan was saying where it just takes a little bit of care and preparation he had Bibles in his the back of his car drove around with him always he was ready always to give an answer. Doesn't take much and that got my dad and I started on our personal study with the Lord. And then you know it was around 2013 and my grandparents were getting older and my grandpa was not going to recover back to the status of actually driving. After his open heart surgery and so we ended up saying OK let's move from the house that my family had been in for you know 19 years let's move somewhere more affordable where we can have the grandparents move in with us and. Where it's maybe less less of a city life quieter. Not as much traffic and so we moved to a small suburban town it was it's called Simi Valley in California southern California and I remember it was 1st Sabbath after we moved in I think all of us were just tired didn't want to drive the you know more than an hour now to our regular church and we said OK let's go to a let's just go to the nearest church there is this is Simi Valley church let's just go it's a few minutes away so we did and. Funny thing. Immediately after service 1st person who rushes over to us is this man he's super excited and he doesn't even introduce himself he doesn't even you know ask us our names he just literally comes right up to my face sticks his face in mine and says Do you sing and eyes so I was thinking this is gonna be a sign. I've I've been having these secret I wanted to go you know I get back into singing and this is the 1st random question that this weird man is is asking me strange man I don't even know. And that man and his wife got to be very good friends. He was 1 of the elders of the church and. I did start singing again. I started singing in church again and I also got more involved in churches or helping out with the newsletter and the website and that church became our home church. But I was still acting. I was still an actor. And you know around this time the work did start to flow again I started to get work again and I started to make a living out of it again and even more so because. You know I got I started to get older and started to look a little older and start to get more meatier types of roles so it seemed like I was running on these 2 tracks again this acting tract where hey I was again writing this pathway towards success and then this god tracked and I I think this point is important to mention that you know at this time I was I was like I had said I was studying studying the Bible for myself I was also reading spirit of prophecy and my mindset was still so entrenched in that me that that I problem. The way that I read the Bible was. It was just to read it like I had knowledge so for me the most important thing was to get through the Bible while I read the whole Bible cover to cover great controversy same thing I'm going to read this is fast as I can why because I'm really good reader and I can read really fast and LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. But that's that's how my mind set was I really wasn't even to show off to anyone it was just hey I can do this and so that's the way that I was going about my studies at that time but I still had a genuine interest in getting to know this God. And the more I learned about this God the more I wanted to give something of myself. To him I wanted to contribute and I had all these you know ideas and I was more on the creative side so you know I had I came up with all these ideas and I said oh hey you know it would be really great. Where you do all these 7th Day Adventist documentaries you know maybe like on young people and then we could do like a like a vegetarian cooking show and then like maybe we could do a news program about last days in prophecy and I just I had all of these ideas that I wanted to put out media wise media was all I knew. So I had this ideas cooking in my brain going on you know I wonder I wonder what I can produce in create. And as I was getting these ideas I became more and more convicted to to quit acting I was more interested in the stuff that I was finding out in the Bible in these things that I you know wanted to do. And so these convictions to quit acting kept on growing and it was reaching the end of 2013 by this point and I finally said OK I said to God I promise I made a type of covenant with him a promise I'm going to quit before the new year and this was important because for an actor pilot season which happens annually is probably the most important season for an actor and pilot season is basically January to around April or May at least it was when I was in the industry it may have changed but it's. It's the 1st half of the year and it's where all the new T.V. shows get made and then they choose which T.V. shows the networks want to keep and so that could make or that can make you for 6 years you sign a contract you're set as an actor as long as the show runs so actors would come from everywhere across the United States and probably even internationally to L.A. at that time to audition and they would spend months there just auditioning and there were tons of auditions you would go on 2 or 3 a day was a very busy time but I said to God I said I'm going to quit before pilot season I'm going to quit before that even happens I'm going to quit when the year ends and I'm really going to be committed and focused to this and to this new life and this life of ministry. That came around that. You know October November I actually did a couple jobs a recurring role that shot in New Mexico and I happened to have a really really good experience there I said that was 1 of the best experiences of I had in a long time on the job OK my wheels started turning but still I was like No no I said I said I would quit so and quit and then December rolls around and I think 1 of the days there I get a call that I've already booked a pilot is a recurring role on a new pilot I don't even even before pilot season started officially I didn't even have to. To go out on and do the rat race in January I was set for this new pilot that was going to start start working and start shooting in January so OK so I was like All right. Well maybe I'll stay for 1 more pilot season I said OK I'm just going to extend it out and I said this to myself you know change change my mind and so I have this in mind and then right around the holidays you know my family always has their holiday party and. The man the man that I met. The man that 1st came up to me and said Do you sing at church his son came home. And came home from school and he came to the party you know. That we had the holiday party and he started talking about this youth this men's ministry that he had he had a group of guys that he loved to cycle with and they wanted to start a ministry you know they wanted to start setting the Bible start doing outreach. And they were all young 7th Day Adventists who were most of them were in grad school. And that just boom light bulb in my head I said perfect this is what I've been waiting for I could do would documentary of 7th Day Adventist young men and this ministry that they're going to start and I can start shooting it right away and so I you know pitched the idea. To to this guy's son and and he said Oh OK All right. That sounds great Yellin let me talk to the guys in I'll get back to you and I'm like OK OK And half of me was like he's not going to talk to the guys. But a few days later he called and said Hey they're really interested. Can we actually go through this and start this I said wow awesome OK And then I'm like OK well you know when do you want to meet and we said OK let's let's meet in January so I'm like OK so I have my pilot starting to shoot in January and this ministry opportunity them super excited about starting in January. I go to myself OK I can do this like no problem I'll just I'll be a little bit busier but I can do both and. So January comes it's like the 1st or 2nd week of January and I go to the table read for this pilot. The table read is basically they read through the whole entire 1st script of the show. With all of the actors sitting at a table reading their parts and all of you have a full entire audience of network exacts producers directors writers everyone so that they can hear how the pilot sounds before it starts shooting this could also. Maybe be considered your another unofficial audition. So I go to the table read. Finished the table read about an hour later I got a call from my agent that I had been fired and. That's what I said to a few years later at the time. At the time I was devastated this was the exact same thing when I had to foreclose on my home and go live with my parents it was the most shameful humiliating thing. Ever and because I had placed all of my my worth in my talents and my own. Merit. And. God was trying to speak to me I realized it's like a cold water in the face and I realized that what I had really done was I I had broken the covenant with him I had broken my promise with him to quit acting. Before the new year and it was very simple. But. I found the Scripture very encouraging and inspiring it's. 1 o $510.00 we're going to actually look at a few scriptures but it says that the Lord confirmed the same unto Jacob for a law and to Israel for an everlasting covenant that's what he has with us is an everlasting covenant if we accept covenant with him but and I think Hebrews covers this very well we don't have time unfortunately tonight but if you ever study Hebrews this concept that the Lord. Doesn't need another person for an everlasting covenant is rife in Hebrews in Genesis 2216 we can turn there Genesis 2216 says and said by myself have I sworn saith the Lord he's so more by himself he didn't swear by you by anything you could do or by anything you could give him he's going to perform it in you Hebrews 810 says I will put my laws in your heart in your mind he's going to do it and he's going to keep the covenant for you and I thought I could keep the covenant by myself and so this was a revelation to me that. That 1 is that I couldn't keep the covenant with him by myself and also that I couldn't serve 2 masters and Matthew 624 I had to choose between what God I wanted to have and I finally not for the last time but I think for the 1st time saw myself as who I really was was just a sinner in need of a savior as my friend likes to say and I saw myself as wretched miserable or blind in need. And that very same week I called my agent and I quit and the very next weekend I met with the guys to do that documentary series. And in a way I I never looked back because I never regretted 1 second quitting. But something interesting happened I did have some people some church friends and even some members of my own family ask why I had to quit acting. They asked me what why couldn't you continue acting and be a Christian actor and be a witness to them in that industry and I think that that sounds deceptively like a righteous thing to do. It like I was going over last night. It it's difficult to be a witness in a career where you've completely disconnected yourself from the source of life which is Christ and that's what I had done what kind of an example was I going to be if the things that I did the very act. Of being an actor pulled me away from who Christ is I could not reconcile the 2 and I want you to understand something I'm not saying that God doesn't want you to be successful in the career that you've chosen that's very important for for me to communicate to you but God wants you to be successful in the career that he's chosen for you that he's called you to and that's different for each of us couldn't be a witness and lose my own soul in the process and I have several verses that I would like if I could share with you 1st Corinthians $914.00 if we could turn their 1st Corinthians $914.00 says Even so what the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel. Should lives of the Gospel live 2nd Corinthians 515 says and that he died for all that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves but unto him. Which died for them and rose again cautions 3 to says Set your affection on things above not on things on the earth and I thought it was. There was really telling and the thing is that I actually just realized this as I was preparing for this presentation my testimony is that every you know there there were there were dissenters that couldn't understand my decision but the 1 person who did it was my dad and he was as convicted as I was and his response was Why wouldn't you want her to quit and I just figured this out is that my dad was supporting me in my walk with God and it came as a revelation to me because my real dad this adopted father that I have paralleled what God does for us when you choose Him He supports you 100 percent he wants you to live with Him forever and my dad who at 27 people said why would you sacrifice what you waste your life why would you why would you do that with a woman who's been already divorced charity as a kid I would you do that now your whole life to live but he did it freely. He did it just like our heavenly Father sent His Son. Romans 81415 we please turn their. This says it all. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God They are the sons of God I mean sons and daughters are his children. Verse 15 Romans 815 for you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear but you have received the spirit of adoption whereby we cry Alba father he's your father he's our adopted father God is and in Hosea 143 it's 1 of the minor prophets in Hosea 143 this is a good reference 1st 143 me go there it says the last part of the verse for in the. In the Lord the fatherless find with Mercy next verse for I will love them freely and in a small way that's what my dad did he loved my mom and me freely and all of this while I had been blocking out what the still Vorse and what these visits to my biological had brought it was a lot of suffering and a lot of pain a lot of sadness and I blocked it out for 30 some odd years. But I believe that God also was trying to speak to me through it because he says in Romans 5. 3 to 5 and not only so but we glory and tribulations also knowing that tribulation work of patience and patience experience and experience hope and hope make if not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us did you hear what that said that said basically tribulation goes all the way to the love of God and in fact it shed abroad in your heart through tribulation and all of this while I was blocking it away I was saying I can't I can't handle it and all this while God says I was wanting to carry it for you and I gave you your dad so that you could see a little of who I was well I have 1 more well a few more things to say. For months after I quit acting I was baptized. And later that year my dad also was rebaptized. 2 months after that. That documentary series that I was shooting with the guys. Finished and that man's son. That man son's name was Ryan. And and and so we began courting. And I thought you know I want to say something because the 1st time and this is from Ryan's own mouth Brian said the 1st time that he met me I was he was scared of me because I was loud and obnoxious and he couldn't connect with me or relate to me and I had all of these piercings all over the place and tattoos showing just I was someone who I was unapproachable to him. And then he said in a few months the next time he saw me was right around the time when we were talking about that documentary series with the guys and it was just a few months later and he's said to me you know you're you're changed. And he could he could talk he felt like he could talk to me then but the thing that I want to say is that I didn't even notice the change I in fact. Until probably a few months ago I was like OK whatever he just didn't know me but what I've begun to realize is that I didn't know myself I didn't know how God was changing me and the differences that that made on the outside because they were happening from the inside out so it just goes to show how self aware a lack of self-awareness that we may have. Another thing that happened was I moved down to Loma Linda which was where we were shooting the series and I moved down. Because of a job actually not for Ryan. And although it didn't hurt that Ryan was down there as well. But it was just a it's just a normal desk job 9 to 5 something I've never worked before in my my whole career and I started over. 30 some years old I started a 2nd career from the ground up. And. What happened there also was that like Brian was talking about we found a church family and I'd been hope so the school family. And again I think you can see that God was leading us. Something that happened was that while we were shooting this documentary series The guys started doing Bible studies and they started doing a Bible study series called Adventists believe class that was put together by someone in hope. And at the time we had been going to admin hope we don't even know what it was. So they were just doing these studies and we would do them every Friday night and it would be you know 1 doctrine other doctrine state of the day or revelation sanctuary Daniel and Revelation just you know study after study and the very next day you know we. Our friend our mutual friend 1 of the guys who was doing it said hey if you want to go to where these studies originated from you can come up and hope it's where I've been going for a few a few months now do you want to come so we're like yeah sure so we do the study and we go to admin hope and what we had studied the night before was what they were speaking on it up and hope for 3 weeks in a row. Just random but not so random because it was God's plan and. We we made a home there. And that is where I actually really started to grow in personal study in the Bible in understanding and I'm still growing. Year and a half 2 years actually after a quit acting right and I got married. And my dad is very happy and so as for married life I could probably do a whole other presentation on married life. But for now I I will just tell you that again it was God's plan and God's guiding Ryan and I could not be more opposite. But there is 1 thing that is fundamentally the same in both of us and it is that we desire primarily 1st and foremost to submit to God and we want God to transform us each of us and that means because you can see us from. Opposite sides of the spectrum is that God's just pulling us closer and closer to him into his narrow. That's how I've always seen it so he uses the other. So that he can perform his work in you it's an education is what marriages. And so it's really been a long long process I think I mentioned earlier today. That it was 2 years since I started going to church that I actually even picked up a Bible and opened it. And you know another 43 or 4 years that I got baptized from starting to go back to church so this is been a journey and it it can be that way in fact it is that way for every 1 of us like I said earlier God is preparing each and every 1 of you if you accept it to be fit to be with him. That can take years and your educational process mine my educational process with the Lord started after I already graduated from college in fact it's happening every day it's not something that ends when you graduate it's something that continues on and on in the beautiful thing about our relationship with the Lord is that the deeper it goes the more alive and real it gets it it's not like the things of this world right because the things of this world the longer they go on they die but the longer your relationship with the Lord goes you will hear this it's for eternity I wanted to leave you with this quote It's from the book education which is where your theme is from and it's Page 13 and it reads true education means more than the personal of a certain course of study it means more than a preparation for the life that now is it has to do with the whole being and with the whole period of existence possible to man it is the harmonious development of the physical the mental and the spiritual powers. Prepares the student for the joy of service in this world and for the higher joy the higher joy of wider service in the world to come and my prayer is is that each and every 1 of us will continue to be educated and allow the board to educate. Through this life that we may move to that higher aim of eternity with him and let's pray Father in heaven I think you so much for showing us that you are God who wants so much more for us than we can even imagine and that you have a plan for each and every person in this room and that you want to be a personal mentor to each and every 1 of us I pray that as we go from here we will hide your law your word in our hearts take it with us wherever we go. May it infected us may end of us may it transitoriness in Jesus. This media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio 1st if you would like to listen to more servant leader visit W.W.W. audio verse or.


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