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What the Bible Says About Working With Others

Judy Shull

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  • June 20, 2017
    9:00 AM

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Let's pray there Jesus thank you for today thank you for the beautiful weather for the safety in the storms and as we go through the storms of life we pray that you will continue to lead and guide us in every way in your name Amen Well our 1st text is going to be we're going to look at Romans 1218 and that simply says if it is possible as far as it depends on you live in peace with everyone years ago I've been teaching for 34 sweetie not in there thank you for 34 years I've been teaching school and every summer I get together with 1 of my teacher friends and she would always talk about what a rough school year we had and then what a difficult group we were having to come in and the next summer when we got together she said You will not believe it I have found the very best thing and I had the most wonderful school year and for the next week she told me about how wonderful life was with this fantastic program I thought this is not true you know nothing can be this good for the next supper when we had a national teacher's convention I saw what's called the young peacemaker and I thought OK I'm going to find out what she's talking about and I learned about things in about an hour and then I went back and tried them and I thought Oh she's exactly right this is the most wonderful teaching approach methodology getting along with people and this is where we start out the year with if it is possible as far as it depends on you. Live at peace with everyone and when you're working with students this last year we went through the whole young peacemaker program with my school in Lansing all grades we all did it and then when a child starts having a conflict with someone you just have to say what does the Bible tell us we should be doing and they learn it oh we should live at peace OK how do you live at peace let's also take a look at John. 1 1st John 47. Beloved let us love 1 another for love us of God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God So again when they say oh I don't like him going but you know what the Bible tells us we should be loving 1 another because we're all children of God and that takes a lot of steam out of the students who are angry at each other. And I did ask parents how many of your parents and here. Right peacemakers definitely how many of you are Sabbath school leaders. Anybody teach school teacher. OK All right. Young peacemaker you can find it on line it's well worth getting. To. I believe so it's called The Young peace and then I always like this the Bible is really basic instructions before leaving Earth because that's where our focus is do you want to so let's take a look there are it's called the slippery slope if that helps you at all. And there are people on that slippery slope who are looking for different ways to find peace OK and the 1st place the way is to so they try to find peace is to escape and they do that but there are some. They do that by blaming and if you went to Genesis 38 through 13 anybody know what story we're talking about in the beginning of the Bible a blame. Before that Adam and Eve So if Adam blames even Eve blames the serpent right did that succeed in solving the problem and that's what we try and teach students is that blaming others isn't going to be a solution blaming others keep shoes still struggling with the problems that you're facing and you're not going to get along with somebody by just blaming them for everything so I have this place that I love to go when I'm a little depressed it's W W W dot despair dot com And you've seen motivational posters write. Despair dot com you say motivational posters Well this takes a motivational poster and puts a twist on it so this 1 says blame the secret to sickness success is knowing who to blame for your failures. As just kind of a tongue in cheek and the whole website is loaded with posters you can purchase them or like me just read through them and laugh. Now I have a little quiz for you I'd like you to solve this puzzle don't tell anybody the answer just take a moment and look at it. Anybody have a solution. There you go and and you'd be amazed that children even from 1st grade on 10 say there's no solution there you just keep going round and round. That's exactly what it's supposed to teach you is that pointing the finger blaming somebody else doesn't solve anything it doesn't get you out of the problem it doesn't solve it and it's a poster that I like a lot well that's blaming as a way of escaping the circumstances you're in but what if you say that you're going to. Deny that there even is a problem and the text we want to look at for that is Matthew 2669 through 75. And this is taking you towards the end of Matthew Quick quiz anybody have an idea of the biggest denial story Peter at the cruise Jesus trial he's he's over there remember 3 times before the rooster crows he's sitting around the fire denying that he knows Jesus did. Peter denying Jesus solve his problem. No And these are 2 stories the blaming Adam and Eve in the garden the denying of Peter at at the Jesus trial children can relate to those stories if your child has been through the advent of at all or if you're in a Christian home they're going to know those stories and you can say look when you blame somebody else this is what Adam and Eve he did in the Garden of Eden did that solve anything well no OK if you deny that there's a problem did when Peter denied Jesus did that solve it oh no Peter was just devastated by what he done said when you deny there's a problem that's doesn't solve anything. And then another way people try to escape. As they try to run away from it and of course 1 of the easy Easy things for running away is. Obviously Jonah. And you can say dead dead running away solve the problem. No he ran off and he still had to go and face the consequences for what. Jesus said Ask him to do but that running away wasn't what wasn't working but then we make sure to tell our children 1 more thing. That sometimes running away is the best thing to do and the early part of Matthew who ran away. Mary Joseph and Jesus run away to Egypt for 12 years because Herod is after the baby Jesus and 12 years in Egypt OK All right I think it's in Matthew. Then what you're going to do is make sure children know that and adults too I've used this for sermons that. Sometimes when you're in danger running away is good good good idea is not going to solve the problem but the 1st priority is keep you safe OK that makes sense right. So as people try to escape they they're doing all kinds of things they're blaming other people for their problems they're denying that there is a problem or they're running away from the problem on the slippery slope those are places that you're just going to slide off you're not going to be able to solve anything then we have people who go to the other extreme they try to solve the problem by attacking. When you think of attack attack what's the 1st word that pops into your mind defense maybe OK but that's a fight right you can defend yourself a few minutes ago we were walking across the campus around and we got heard some screams for help 1 boy was pounding another boy and all we had to do is show up and both boys went. That way and and that gave us a nice opportunity to talk to the little girl about what do you do you know 1st of all if somebody says leave me alone you leave them alone but you can have a right to tell you know stay away from me well there are people who attack in the 1st thing we think about usually is they like to fight. Right now let's go back to that 1st question the big fight was and right after. Cain and Abel did that fight and then the kids and all the story about Cain and Abel did that fight solve the problem what happened. Yeah we had the 1st murder and the 1st murder on the surface and so fighting does not solve the problem but you know sometimes you get these smart kids who say but I like to fight. So OK Who's in your heart if what you're wanting to do is fight that's not Jesus in your heart and then you get to work with them and those kind of things. Another form of attack which really surprises students is called put downs you know the put down is. It's it's saying something mean to somebody else to make them feel bad and. Kids are really good at putdowns and it used to be that boys were really good at the put downs and I was talking to some teenagers once and the boy spoke up and said. The girls are really good at the put downs and the girls were over there going. Yeah they were and I know that that's true Fortunately I've been teaching in a very Christ centered school the last few years and you don't hear the put downs or if you do you just can go OK you're saying that which means you're attacking that person and I need to know why you're attacking them so we can solve the park problem and they'll all know I was just joking around and no Put put downs are there to to injure somebody that's never a joke and for some reason you felt that you need to attack this this classmate Let's find out why you felt like you had to attack them and then you can start getting at the root of the problem which is really an awesome place to be because then you can start moving ahead yesterday I was talking about child management now at the end 1 of the. Participants was saying but you didn't talk about discipline. Well when you have good management your discipline problems are very That doesn't mean you know we're not in a perfect world by any means but you certainly end up with far less discipline and the discipline is then sitting down with them and saying OK we had this problem what's going on why did you do it. What did you do that was wrong but then the most important part is what should you do in the future when you feel that way and that's a really good thing to help children even roleplay What do you do when that person well they were touching me OK I understand and I told not to touch me as I believe you. What should you do in the future because hitting them got you in trouble them touching you and like you know how kids poke each other in line. When they do that what should you do instead of hitting them because they didn't stop and you ask them nicely like you'd been asked to do what do you do and then you help them understand will you immediately go get the teacher and say I need help and for some of them it's oh I never thought of that so no we're here to help you that's you know we might not see them poking you but if you need help come get a teacher and then we can move them from the attack mode into the getting help mode which is really where we want them to be we don't expect kids to solve everything I myself have to go to my husband constantly for asking for help with solving things so let's go to. A story in Acts 1616 through 22 and this is a story about Paul and Silas and their imprisoned. Now was to happen when they went to prayer that a certain slave girl possessed with the spirit of of the devil would go around and she would fortune tell and this is how her owners of the slave girl made their living and this girl followed Paul around saying these are men servants of the most high God who proclaim to us the way of salvation and she did this day after day now was this girl tongue the truth absolutely but she was doing it in a put down form which is what we're trying to help arsed children understand that how you say something is going to be you know it could be a new way of attacking said the girl was telling the absolute truth but she was doing it in a way that was putting Paul and Silas down and not glorifying God and this is what we tell the students is what you're saying is that giving glory to God or as a glorifying say and the children don't want to glorify see. Almost 99 percent of them don't want to glorify see. And so yeah you can tell them what you're doing wrong but then you've got to show them what to do instead and then so put downs are an attack they understand fighting as an attack but they don't understand put downs as attack and we've got 1 more attack which always shocks the students who haven't seen it for the 1st time. Let's back up a minute go to a fusions for 29. This is Do not let any and wholesome talk come out of your miles but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen and for many many years I only looked at the 1st part of this do not let any and wholesome talk come out of your mouths and I think my parents probably led me to say now that you this means you shouldn't swear and you shouldn't courtesan don't use bad language don't let any and wholesome talk come out of your mouths but then as I got older I started looking at a little bit more in depth. But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs and that came as a big shock is not only am I not supposed to say things that aren't good but I should be saying good things that help other people help the needs of other people and that it might benefit them who those people who are listening to what I'm saying so there are really 3 parts to this and 1 of the things that we really want to help our children understand is are you saying things that build other people up according to what they need to hear and that helps them start looking at other people in ways that they haven't been looking at them. Well we have asserted attack mode and this mode is gossip. And. Acts 1923 through $28.00 we have the story about Demetrius the silversmith and he goes around telling everybody how bad Paul is and because they're taking money away from because the silversmith's made idols and if they're saying that the God of Heaven is the 1 true God we don't bow down to images now you're taking away their livelihood and so he started spreading spreading all kinds of rumors about Paul and getting them in trouble getting ready to go to be thrown into prison this is a Norman Rockwell painting that I just absolutely love and just you know that that is exactly what happens 1 person tells somebody else in the story gets twisted and twisted and twisted and suddenly we have all kinds of things going on for the last 6 years I've been teaching at and principal at the Greater Lansing admin's school but next year I'm not going to be working for the Michigan conference and that people have been coming up to to me on the campground saying I hear you're moving to China who you. Know. Just because I'm not working full time next year doesn't mean I'm moving to China but what I am doing is I'm going to be working on children's ministry materials for China. From my home in Grand Rapids because in China my husband and I have been there 3 times now in the last couple of years and they're crying for some of these materials that we might have here in this country and they don't have available to them and nobody else has it and so I'm going to get it for them either find it or created or make it. But I have not moving to China no matter how many people come up and ask me that but that's what's happened here they hear part of it is oh she's going to help China and suddenly I'm going to live there. So I've been I've been at the receiving end here of whatever's going on. Well we've looked at the SRI ways of. Escape and you tell me what they are. Blame done I run away we looked at the 3 attack methods the. Putdowns gossip I had you know when you have 1 gender in a room in a classroom makes it for a miserable room it could be all girls it could be all boys but the mix is much better God had something in mind when he made male and female and for the last few years I've had it 1 classroom at a school that's had all boys but 1 girl and so we know the trials next year it's the mix is going to get better but 1 year I had 13 girls and 2 boys in 6th grade and these girls had a horrible reputation they were just mean they had been mean since kindergarten and you know if I'm getting them a 6th graders thinking all or what are we going to do course the Lord said we're going to go to the Bible and find out how to work stuff out so I started my school year you know every week we would go through different steps in the work it out in the peacemaker program that was our worship and go through the stories in depth in analyze them and talk about them and pray about them and at recess 1 day 1 of the girls came up crying she says she's saying all these things about me so I called the other girl over and said What's going on said Well it's true it's a boat why are you spreading that around well people need to know what she's really like said you don't think they could find that out from themselves said you realize this is what we're just talking about that you're attacking her and I need to find out why you're attacking her. You know if finally sun can that they issue is in attack mode it took me tell Christmas but then it became a very pleasant room to work with until Christmas I wasn't sure we're going to make it but those girls were learning a life skill about how to get along with each other something that they had learned and it hadn't been through lack of trying but what I had what changed was the teacher wasn't just talking the Bible was and God was working on their hearts that were not going to leave you here with the 22 sides of the slope that failed we're going to go to work it out and the 1st thing we want to do is to over look something 1 of the things I hear lower grades teachers asked all the time when somebody comes in reports 1 another child is doing wrong. They ask this question these 2 questions which I think is fantastic Are you trying to keep somebody from getting hurt or are you trying to get somebody in trouble. You know you start to analyze why are these kids tattling because and I've told Laura great teachers you know you guys do a fantastic job because when they get to my room they no longer tell me stuff and this is where they need to be telling me you spend all the the 2nd 3rd grade years teaching them not to tattle and then when they get to 5th and 6th grade they don't they've learned not to tattle but that's when there's really needing help with solving some of these more mature problems and so. They you know over the course of time we're going OK how can we do this to help children understand better that we do want them to tell but they need to understand why are they telling is there a problem they need to solve or they need our help with or but most tattling is you're trying to get somebody in trouble and once you ask the child that. Probably 95 percent of the time they run off because they don't want to admit they're trying to get somebody in trouble but they're still learning there are times when they need to get help. The 1st thing that we look at is is this something you can overlook did whatever offense this person did do do we need to resolve it or do can we overlook it and if we overlook it then you have to let it go you can't harbor a grudge against it and a lot of times they'll just I say OK you know what would you like me to do. Is this something you want some help with or do you want to overlook it and most of the time they'll say I think I could overlook it but they have to get it off their chest and they have to make sure that it's really not the big deal that they think it's but if we go to Proverbs 1714. And proverbs 1911 we're going to learn a couple things proverbs 1714 said the beginning of strife is like releasing water therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts and that's the paraphrased of the clear word. Again if you're going to have a fight somebody has started so do you want to be the 1 to start it and build it and build it or do you want to try and work it out before. It escalates to a fight then this is the same in your churches you know I've had people come up and say I need to go over this at church board meetings so that we don't have the contention and strife now Proverbs $911.00 that a sex discretion of a man makes him slow to anger and his glorious to overlook a transgression again from the clear word so it's here glory to over look at you're not wimping out just because you're going to overlook them and forgive their insults or forgive what they've done. Then if we go on another work it out step is to talk it out that means you go to the person and you talk to them about what's bothering you all isn't that kind of the most scary thing to do on Earth but it's the thing that gets resolution it's the thing that improves relationships it is the thing that that. The talking it out. To help solve so many problems and a lot of times some of the arguments the other person doesn't realize they're being offensive they don't realize where you're coming from and so if you set that if you sit 2 children down to have them talk it out usually 1 of them is kind of shocked that they're doing something offensive maybe it's OK at their house. I don't know but talking it out is the number 1 thing we can do and of course our story is from Daniel and who remembers what Daniel did. Yes exactly he's not going to eat food that's been offered to idols and set us a hunger strike here he goes and he talks to somebody and he says I need help with this can I can I work something out with you and they said well you know if you don't start looking healthy and I'm the person responsible for feeding you I get killed I don't like this idea and Daniel says but OK let's put a time frame on it what if we only do this for a certain period of time and that solve Daniel's problem have saluted Daniel and his friends were able to glorify God in many different ways proverbs 151 says a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger thing my mother used to sign me several times because my brother and I can help stirring up anger at each other and again. It's so easy to react in a negative way but really it's the soft answer that helps people calm down you know if you're talking about church board meeting calms them down and really asking the question. What what is your goal you know why do you feel that way if you go back to. Stephen Covey seek 1st to understand where the person is coming from and then seek to be have them understand you and then we can look at. Getting help because we're not always going to be able to solve it for ourselves you know that's just the nature of our world we're not going to be able to solve it and so and this is where I really it's those 3 areas can you over look at can you talk to the person yourself or do you need help and then I talk to students and say OK I'm here to help you when something happens then you don't like it and you don't know what to do come get me before you ever throw that punch or kick that kid or say something mean or nasty come and talk to me and I'm I don't expect you to be able solve everything for yourself I want you solve what you can solve but you know we're looking in X. 61 through 7 at the early church and we had some people who felt like they were being neglected some of the widows and orphans all were not being taken care of because we're of another culture. And the the Apostles are saying. You know we we don't have enough time to do everything we have to do we can't you know take care of all these people and we're don't mean to neglect anybody but there's only a few of us and we can't do it all they were getting help and what did the Lord lead him to do you know what we have this institution here today still. DICKINSON deaconesses So we have the elders who are men string to the spiritual needs and we have the Dickinson deaconesses who are let who are ministering to the physical needs God had a marvelous plan and in mind a holy set is you know help I'm the 1 who wants to help you come get help for me and they went and got help from the elders and they prayed about it and then they had the deacons and it was a marvelous way and. God has a plan for that as a plan for an event problems 1 of the things that I'm not going to get to very much today is later on in the series of young peacemaker you're going to get to where conflict can be used to glorify God that you can use the conflicts that you face faith face to bring God glory but that's a whole different topic let's go to a fusions for 30 to be kind and compassionate to 1 another for giving each other just as in Christ God forgave you again if you can overlook can forgive but it's got to be genuine forgiveness you can't hold a grudge you can't bring it back and and keep bringing it to that person's attention to what they did was wrong and how they hurt you and that is a very hard thing for a lot of people to do OK for all of us to do that if we can go. If we can go to James 41 through 2 what causes fights and quarrels among you don't they come from your desires that battle within you you want something but you don't get it all this is 1 of the 1st Texas every year that I have students learn because when those little little you know I may teach some really great kids but none of them are perfect and when those fights and quarrels. You know the attacks begin this is where you comes come back to this tax because they've learned it say OK this text says that you're fighting because you've got a desire that's in you and there's something you want you're not getting Can you tell me what it is you're wanting and you know sometimes it takes you a while for them to finally get to what it is they're really wanting but you do not have the spiral text to help you as you try to help them work it out and there is a teacher 1 year who just put the kids in the hall and tell them to work it out and I thought. Do it do we ever train them with the skills on how to work things out you know these are 2nd 3rd graders. Know we need to we need to be involved in a doesn't have to get blown up to a great proportion but we can sit there and say OK. What is it that you're really wanting What's the outcome you're hoping will happen from whatever you're doing and what your desire and again you can point back the Bible tells me you have some desire that's not being met and if you could tell me what that desire is maybe I could help you. You're not putting them down you're not you know telling them they're bad you're just pointing to the Bible and say I know what's happening. James James is 1 of the early church leaders of our of Christianity so 1 of Jesus' step brothers older step brothers and do you think he had a lot of corals that he had to deal with yes if you look at. Going through X. You're find all kinds of any of the writings of Paul there are all kinds of problems going on we think we've got a handle on this or WE'VE GOT A NEW stuff going on in our churches today you know it's been going on forever and so God gave us some methods for working things out. Now I'm going to. Write down here it says from your desires that battle within you all right so what are some of the things that might be battling within somebody. And pride. 1 it with my older students usually when we go through. The things that might battle within them bless their hearts they always tell me what what's battling within them because I'll have them draw a picture to illustrate you know what something that you feel like you're battling with and I said you don't have to tell me you know but I want you to identify it for yourself Well everyone always comes up and tells me what it is it's not as my trying to find out it's helping them to identify but they want to share it and help work it out and that's what I'm there for so pride could be the decider desire that's not being met and the root of pride is you think you are better than others you don't like to be wrong and if you do you have any students who ever or children who don't want to be wrong. Ah yes if you've ever been around a child you know they don't want to be wrong and you can say all I know what you're telling me right now because you don't want to be wrong I know you're telling me that you've got pride and we're not talking the lion pride I just like that picture. You've got pride in your heart and that's why you can't stand to be wrong everybody has some pride in their this isn't but there is going to be 1 overarching thing for everybody so the fruit Here's the results of having pride in your heart you become defensive an argumentative when someone corrects you and again church board meetings you might come across this and you can over there are sitting there going. I know I know what's going on you've got pride in your heart now this isn't something that you want to just point out to other people but you're going to go over there going oh ha I now understand that person better so now how can you work with that or it could be that the root of the desire that you have a selfishness and the root of selfishness is you want your own way and the results are the fruit of always wanting your own way as you'll argue neg whine alive or throw a temper tantrum to try to get people to give in to your desires again if we go back to church ward meetings. Argue why. I have been around too many temper tantrums but. People are wanting their own way and that selfishness about having their own way. The the results of a is this kind of behavior now if you can understand that then you know what's going on in their head you know the desire that's not being met and you can start looking for ways to work with that desire or it could be that the person has greed you want more and you're not content with what you have the fruit of that greed or the results of feeling that way. You complain that you don't have what other people have you take things that don't belong to you so if you have a child who's taking things and that happens from time to time they'll take other people's stuff what's what's at the desire that's needing to be met they have a greedy heart and they want more and they're going to take it from other people and we see a lot of this going on in the world there are other people who in their hearts they have a fear of others. And the root. Of this fear is you're afraid of what others will think of you you want too much to be liked and accepted and you want other people to approve of you and applaud your efforts. And the fruit. The results of feeling this way you go along with your friends even when you know what they are doing is wrong so that they will accept you you need constant reassurance that you are doing well now and I have a classroom we're going to go through some others some other routes too. And I asked the kids just pick 1 you know to to write about illustrate put down you know what the root is what the fruit just something that might apply to you and probably 1 4th of the children fear of others that that's at the root of their behavior is this very thing they want much to be liked and accepted and approved of and applauded. Peer pressure and peer pressure can be positive but they identify with that now if they can identify that and figure out what they're thinking and what's going to happen because they're thinking that do they have now a tool of how to battle that they do because they say oh I know why I'm feeling that way OK if I'm feeling that way. Is this way God wants me to feel you know and it's not because they're bad in any way it's as just we have different things that drive each 1 of us in our heart and that's going to have cause and effect because they feel this way this is the way I'm going to act and if we can identify how we're feeling we can start changing behaviors and we can help them work something's up. Some children have or adults have self pity. And here's what Self pity is you feel sorry for yourself and you want others to feel sorry for you to all of you just got somebody in your head that pop their face just popped into your mind you know somebody who has that at the root and what's what it looks like the fruit of self pity is. Your say nobody has as many chores to do as me or you never let me do anything or nobody likes me. Or anybody here feel like maybe they have a self pity and yeah yeah yeah. It's where your going going I don't think I can do another thing I am the 1 who's doing everything at the church nobody else is lending a hand I have to do all the cleaning all the cooking all the putting stuff away people just take advantage of me going OK. I'm feeling self pity I'm feeling sorry for myself how do I get myself out of this mess. Yeah there you go that's 1 of the teenager's favorite thoughts but you know all of us have all of these things at some point in our life our day you know we make it go through all of these things but helping to identify it and knowing how it's going to materialize in our our words and our deeds helps us to back up and say I'm feeling a little self pity what should I be doing them about this I feel like I'm doing all the work I need to go ask somebody for some help and you would be amazed at how many people want to help they just think oh she wants to do it all I won't get in her way you know some of us want to do things just a certain way and we you know just but when you were over here feeling self-pity we need to go and do something about it and not just feel sorry for ourselves but get help and there are so many people who are willing to help and we have a tough you know as as Americans born and raised in the United States we're pretty self-sufficient group you know we're the people our ancestors are the people who cross the ocean and lived and many of our ancestors crossed the United States you had to be self-sufficient My dad grew up during the Great Depression had to be self-sufficient loss of family farm lived in some rural hobbles as you grew up you saved everything because you never knew how you might be able to use it during World War 2 the people that they wanted on those front lines when I quit was broken is they wanted farm boys because the farm boys were able to fix whatever needed to be fixed because that's what they've been doing we're a very self-sufficient mindset. In this nation it's not a bad thing but when it leads to self pity when it leads to us feeling sorry for ourselves because we're doing it all shame on us and. This is the time to reach out and people are very happy to help us. Especially if it's you know now it's your job I'm walking off and leaving you with all of it it's but they're glad to team up with us so don't feel sad or deprived look for solutions. Another 1 is envy. And you want what others have you're not content with what you have all of us have a little envy I know I walked out through the. A and B. loop out there and I was a little envious of of the living accommodation some people have and now I like to backpack so I don't want any of those things really but I'm thinking man you're living in luxury out here was pretty good. There do you go. So we all have a little and and v and it's not bad it just depends on what the fruit how big the fruit becomes if your sister gets a new share then you want 1 as well and you make fun of your brother because he gets good grades and you don't again how does envy you know do I go over and spray graffiti on their beautiful campers you know we would never think of doing that so I go around and gossip they must not do anything for the church look at what their I did have a really nice R.V. 1 year here because we rented it my dad was coming up from Florida and to take care of my little boys while I had to be in summer school so we rented a nice R.V. for him to be able to stay and so maybe those are all rentals I don't know but we need to take we need to take a look at how we see things and a little envious and exists where does that lead to. We also have laziness and yes all of us have a little laziness some of us know that's because we're absolutely exhausted. You don't want to work you resist responsibility you've got another despair dot com place success is a journey not a destination so stop running. You know we talk over and over about life being a journey and yeah we should stop sometimes we need to stop we need to rest we need to reinvigorate How do you tell the difference and this very driven society between laziness and rest all right and and we need to teach kids they don't have to be constantly on the go. You know the phrase Don't just sit there do something. Sometimes we need to allow people to just sit there and not do anything as just what are you going to do once you're rested up are you going to actually do what you need to do or you can a tin you to sit there and not do anything What results do we see from the root the fruit of laziness. You refused to do your chores or schoolwork you certain watch T.V. instead of doing something constructive. Saw us depending on are you resting Are you still getting done the things you need to do are you refusing to do them we also have the root jealousy. You are afraid of losing the love of a friendship with someone special if that person pays attention to someone else because we see very very much in schools especially small sized classrooms there may be 3 girls in a grade and 2 of them want to be best friends in the 3rd 1 gets left out and there's always a push and pull around that so you really have to work with that because of jealousy being at the root and again kids don't know how to handle those kind of things this is why we need to help them you're going to see it's jealousy because you're going to see you become angry at your friend for inviting another friend to go skating and you try to do everything you can to break up their friendship and this is where the girls will start gossiping around about other people's houses there's the boys do it too but I've seen it manifest in the girls a lot more. Just trying to hurt each other so that 1 person isn't a friend with somebody else and this is where we talk about how to be all inconclusive we we want to be friends with everybody guys created this whole world of friends wherever you go and I've gotten to go on a number of Maranatha building trips and every time I go to another country I may not speak the language I may not understand the culture but because I'm going to a 7th Day Adventist community it doesn't matter whether it's in the middle of a downtown city or so far out in the wilderness I can only find it with a G.P.S. coordinates who know better where I have gone I have friends in the 7th Day Adventist Church I don't have to feel like I'm going to be very limited you know if all of you reject me here it can't mean that said I have no friends anywhere but if you go anywhere and you start being of service to others you have instant friends for life I can't wait till we get to heaven because I'm not going to see those people you know my husband I dream about would it be fun to take a you know a tour of all the places where we've built a church and see how it's going and then we instead we don't you know we're not and spend our money doing that we're going to go try and build another church or something but we can have we got to help our kids understand that that. We need to be friends with each other we shouldn't be pulling apart we should be pulling together. Now you've seen the roots that cause problems we have for for things that provide solutions and the 1st 1 is love. And the root of love is the desire to love and please God That's not a wonderful route to have and we're going to and my school well will do big pictures that show love at the root and then what becomes when you love others what what we are we create trees was love at the root and then what do you see happening if love is at the root Well what fruit would grow on such a tree. And what they might picture is a loving heart shows unselfish concern for others and as desire to do good to them oh oh when you start talking about this with your students and spending time with it and talking about it a loving heart shows unselfish concern for others and a desire a desire to do good to them so that jealousy thing or the girls aren't getting along and you say but look if you have love at the root of things you're going to want to encourage them to be friends with each other you're going to pray that you get included but you're going to want what's really best for all of them and the kids because we'll start looking at it that way or another fantastic route is patience. At the root of patience of the Zire to love and please God that you just Sears that somewhere before. And what you're going to see as the fruit of patience if a patient a heart will wait without grumbling or compare complaining a patient a heart will wait without grumbling or complaining. Many many many many times I as part of my drive into school I will be praying about God please grant me patience and I have had to learn to change that preamble bit Lord please grant me patience but help me to know when I should not be patient you know if I do if I am letting things go on too long in a way that I should I need to. Just not be patient and everything will be OK but I need to solve some things by not letting it go too far another marvelous route is the root of kindness. Kindness you probably say this with me now the desire to love and please God is at the root of kindness and kindness is going to bear the fruit kind heart is interested in the wellbeing of others and will be considerate and helpful toward them. Oh this is a wonderful route that we want to spend time on with our children and we're going to say we know at your heart you want to love and please God because we can see it because you're interested in others and you're considerate and helpful towards them. And if you're focusing on those kind of things are we having to focus on so much on the bad roots of the bad fruit no because now now we've transplanted them or grafted them onto a god root and they start seeing different kinds of fruit and then we can point it out who I can see that you have kindness in your heart because of the way you're treating all kids love it when somebody notices they do something right because our brains are too new to catch them doing something wrong and not think about doing something right the little granddaughter you saw in here a little bit earlier. We went to the farmer's market on Friday and she was really good she held her hand she stayed with us and when we got in the car I said Oh you were such a good girl there and her mother said Yes you held her hand you didn't touch everything you didn't run off I'm so proud of you she gave her a detailed description of what good at the farmer's market look like we've got to do that with our kids we've got to be showing them 1 we say I want you to be well behaved what does it look like. When you I want you to be kind what does kindness look like and and when they are kind don't just say oh you are so. I and you would say I liked how you shared your toy with that child I know how much you like that toy and you showed such kindness by sharing it where we need to help our children understand what good behavior looks like and we need to do it over and over and articulate it for them. And then let's look at the gentleness again the root is the desire to love and please God. And gentleness is going to look like a gentle heart is compassionate towards others it is kind and loving not a harsh or violent. Again we want to bring all those things to our children's attention I want to go to the lation 67 Do not deceive yourselves no 1 makes a fool of God A man will reap exactly what he plants so if you're planting those evil. Roots. The things that lead to the bad outcomes the bad fruit you're going to reap those rewards but if you're transplanted and grafted on to God roots then you're going to start reaping the rewards of gentleness towards you in kindness towards you and love and compassion and patience. We also need to teach children that choices have consequences this is really important the coal cars in the fact a lot of times. Children don't start learning cause and effect until they get to school and this is something that babies know instantly because I cried the effect is I get mom or dad's attention so I'm going to cry because I want something I don't know what I want I want to be fed they want to be changed or they want to go to sleep that's pretty much. And they know that you know they know how to get those kind of things and. We just need to help again speak to our children about what's going on. Because you have bad choices are going to lead to bad consequence consequences you're going to end up to be disciplined you're going to end up to be punished by making bad choices. You're going to end up without any rewards you're going to end up with the loss of privileges you're going to end up with people not trusting you. People are going to have confidence in you you're going to have a guilty conscience. 1 of the questions people have asked me about what do you do about when a kid lies to you when 1 of your students lied to you. You know I believe all of my students are childrens of God and I don't want to be the 1 to figure out if they're lying or not not sometimes it's pretty obvious if they're lying but I don't want to be the 1 to have to I've got other things to do like teach them but I'm going to pray that God overwhelmingly hits their conscience and that they come and confess and do you know that happens more and more you can tell when a child truly is lying to do what's right some of them coming compasses 2 years later I had a child who was an adult 1 year I can't mean coming confess something I have I had no recollection of what they were talking about but you know that prayer of the Lord and they'll say the kids will say well what are you going to do fire lie said well if I don't know if you're lying I'm just going to pray that God doesn't let you sleep or give you rest until you tell the truth. You know oh I have to do anything there for that into God's hands. Then if you have good choices there are good consequences and good consequences look like praise. Thanks and appreciation their rewards their privileges there's trust there's confidence in the you there is that clear conscience. And then when you lay that out for students and say. You know where do you want to be which 1 of these lusts looks like the most fun for you I'm going to help you make those good choices but you know what you know if you disobey that's going to be a bad choice that's going to be a bad consequence and looks what's going to happen when you just so Bayer tell a lie or take something you shouldn't and again we're going to go back to what's at the root what's in your heart this is why you're going to do it but look if you choose wisely look what happens. You know as school there's always some student that I can send on any errand and other people get jealous. And I have to say you know when I send that student on that errand I know it's going to get there and they're going to get right back when I try sending you on an errand you go to the drinking fountain you go to the bathroom you forget what you're on an errand for and then I have to come looking for you that was a bad choice I can't reward that I can't give you the privilege I can give this student the privilege though because she always comes back I can trust her or him to do what they're asked to do with a lot of detours and sometimes just help oh it's you you have a classroom favorite. You know I have somebody who's more responsible and I have to be able to trust somebody to do those things now if you that you few want that to be you OK let's talk about what this is going to look like because man I would love to build a whole classroom of kids that I could send on an errand and trust. We're going to go to Proverbs 148 the wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways the risk wisdom of the really smart kid has to think about what they're doing. You know to put it into Kid terms. That. The really smart this is what you're going to do and we've got to help children understand you need to think you can't just react you need to think about what you're going to do going to think about the consequences you're going to think about what's at the root of whatever your desire is you have to do the thinking yourself. So we've covered a lot today we've gone through the escape blame deny run away we've gone through the attack. Over look an offense of some sorry we've talked about the attacks fights put downs and gossips and again help children understand that when they use putdowns and gossips they are attacking somebody else and then we have the work it out way which is the strongest way. To be able to overlook an offense to talk it out to get help this is where we want the people we associate to be with. But. What if they're not sure what to do again here in the Sikh good counsel I have told many a group that my husband and I even even at our age we will seek counsel from our parents we're still going to talk to them and see what they think and what wisdom that we can get from them we're not going to just try and do major things on our own we're going to still keep looking at it efficiency 61 through 3 tells us we should seek counsel from our parents now if you have wise parents you are very blessed if you don't have wife's parents who probably should adopt somebody but find somebody that's could be a trusted advisor and we tell children you know because I have students whose parents are not wise say OK that's all right you've got other options what else could you who else could you go to and Hebrews 1317 it says we need to go to our leaders Oh OK We have leaders who hopefully have wisdom and can help us so that doesn't mean your peer leaders you know the most popular 1 in school that's not who we're talking about but talk about the leadership of your school or of your church who can give you some wisdom and then. Second Sam looks in 2nd Samuel. 121 through 13 we find out that we could get some help from a prophet or a friend. A wise friend I was blessed all my life with some very wise friends very patient very kind very loving that I could I could talk to and seek their advice so if we're not sure what to do we need to help identify for children who they can go to if they need some good advice if you're trying to make a decision and they'll come up with. Parents and pastor and Sabbath school teacher and Pathfinder leader and I'm over here going well what about your teacher oh yeah. You know when you're standing right there with them. But they do in all my some of their heartfelt questions that when you can really sit down and talk we just came back from a class trip in May and it was such a fun trip we got to go to Mackinaw Island we got to go to the Soo Locks they got to go swimming in the evening at an indoor pool I mean but they didn't all want to go swimming so you know I was willing to hang out with them and play games or something and really what they really want to do is talk they just want to sit and talk and empty their hearts out and and seek advice and seek counsel and I'm going whoa I just want to play a game this is a little bit of a challenge but you know what they took our advice and they saw what they consider good counsel we had a chance to work on a number of things and 1 child who was saying you know I feel like I need to you know this is going to be my profession and I said Why do you feel that way said well I really feel like the Lord is calling me to this but that seems a lot harder so maybe I should do this instead it's Wait a 2nd you feel the Lord is calling you to this profession not that there is anything wrong in this profession it's absolutely accidents it's something we need in the society do you feel God is calling here and he's given you these gifts and you're afraid of hard work. And this child just looked at me like. Oh no so I think I think really what you want to pray you don't have to make a decision for a couple years but really pray about it because if God is calling you to do this he is going to give you everything you need you can count on him to yes it's going to be hard but you can count on him to get you to this point of also another profession that we deeply need in our society don't just go here because you think it's going to be an easier path because you're going to be unhappy unless you're doing what God's leading you to do. But that took about 2 hours of unloading and sharing and listening and. Trying to help somebody come to terms themselves I'm not going to tell the child what they're going to do there are some children I'd like to tell what they should do in life but I have to let them make their own decisions I was so excited the other day I was in the A.B.C. and a couple former students came up and you know they're telling me all about I said so lawyer you're going to do I'm going to be an elementary teacher and I have 1 more year to go yes and I looked at the other I said So what are you going to do. I'm going to major in missions. Saw I was pretty thrilled because those are my kids and you know for them to make those kind of life decisions well before I leave you I want to talk to you about the 5 days. And the 5 days are things that we need to teach our children we're going to give you 5 words and these are steps we need to take any time we're trying to solve a problem the 1st thing is number 1 admit what you did was wrong hardest thing to do. For any of us as to Mitt what you did was wrong apologize for your choice now kids aren't to that I have a hard time apologizing but they have a terrible time and knitting they did anything wrong so do all the rest of us we you need to accept the consequences I realize because I did this this is you know you're not going to trust me you're not going to give me special privileges I accept the consequences you ask that person for forgiveness you don't say Will you forgive me I hear kids do that all the time you have to say OK you have to ask forgiveness for what it is that you feel like you did wrong will you forgive me for taking your toy will you forgive me for calling you a bad name will you forgive me for it stomping on your foot and then number 5 alter your choices in the future and as I take the children through this when we do have to do through go through some conflict resolution and I take them through these 5 steps that 5th step alter your choices in the future is we need to help help them learn how to alter those choices we can't just leave it there and expect them to add to have the answer we have to take them through those steps and slopes and 1 of the things that they want to do the most 1 of the things that's most recommended is that we do role playing with them OK Next we have 1 boy who was always getting angry and we said OK what could you do when you get angry instead of lashing out at someone you came up with I'm going to stop my feet that's perfect you can stomp your feet because 1st it identifies me that something's happening that's angering him he's not hurting anyone else and he's solving it to the best of his ability but he's letting me know that he needs help. So I thought you know kids have some pretty brilliant answers 1st John 47 says Dear friends let us love 1 another for love comes from God everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God we need to remind shoulder in that blessid are the peacemakers for they will be called the Sons of God Again you can get a whole year's worth of lessons out of the young peacemaker and there are so many other things we could add into it but these are the core things that I have found out work so well in the training of children and the working with children and the helping of children to have better and brighter futures among close with a word of prayer and then if you have questions feel free to hang around and ask their Jesus we thank you so much for giving us so much wisdom for giving us the opportunities to know what we can do to help our boys and girls have a better life please hold us very dear and please help us to always count on you and your name in. 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