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Logo of GYCSE 2018: Focused - When All Else is Blurred

Points of View- Part 1

Rodney McClellan Joan McClellan


The man sees the woman.  The woman sees the man…
In present society we tend to look at relationships as objects through the filter of today’s media. We hear the drum beat of the of societal mores and political correctness.  We are directed to seek what is new and what is fresh.  But God our Creator sees relationships from a different perspective and wants you to see and hear from His point of view.




  • October 20, 2018
    2:30 PM
Logo of Creative Commons BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)

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Our loving Father we come to you Lord. With nothing present but ourselves as your earthen vessels present in your word from your point of view and we ask your help these young people be able to gather together information wisdom that will be able to guide them in their walk through this life in your name we pray and. So our similar are here is. Points of view. God we're going to share with you some information this afternoon and interests do yourselves to us we're not regular presenters here we just happen to be parents of one of your classmates and as you can see on the screen there she decided to share a fairly recent picture of us so you'll be able to recognize this some other time. Well we only have $100.00 minutes so. And like my hasn't said we have no other credentialed except what God has given to us. But you are today our children OK all of you who are trying to 7 years old our children our young adult children and because you're our children we thought this scripture would be very appropriate my fun and daughter. Please hear the instruction of your father and 1st the law of your mother but truly this is what we're trying to prevent from the word of the Lord all right the owner Oh go ahead as you said before our credentials here are simple we bring to you our study of the scriptures our personal life experiences both good and bad observation of our peers and a lot of the time. Right and the overarching thought that we want you all to get from this is from Probert for 23 and we'll come back to this several times this keep why or guard your heart right with with what diligence because out of the things that you. Are the issues of life and we have experienced what that really means do you want good issues or do you have bad issues. Guard your heart all right so 1st question how many of you would like to date. Or even in a recent relationship OK you got a house again next question. Is not loaded it's not a trick question how many of you like today would you do what you want to haven't. I mean I mean but that's. OK campus security I want to. Carry them out of the room dating OK how many of you would like to be in a relationship. Right OK OK that one's better rebirth embrace you guys if you want to be in a relationship I'm just going to put it out there you need to have goals so that. You have to have go said one more point. Our 1st session here will cover. Encapsulate this how you can be interesting from God's view and we want to make a disclaimer here that we're referring to dating and courting kind of synonymously here dating we define is making appointments to get to know and spend time with someone courting is called the wing of one person by another and can be mutual but we're going to use them interchangeably so we will make sure we clarify those definitions and we're covering dating initially from the $10000.00 foot view we believe dating is a character assessment a lifestyle evaluation a video did I miss it even if the video. You know. So as we've gotten our. Claims a little mixed up here does express for any of you your search for someone special in your life. Don't all raise your hands the same time because I've been there you could be in there and. And I will then now return to our disclaimer as we discussed earlier dating courting interchangeably but moving forward. So what is dating what is God's dating. Well my wife and I believe dating is 1st and foremost a character assessment a lifestyle evaluation. We can of us see it as a can into a life time interview process wrap your mind around that one. We're going to give you lots of scripture to support our research and we'll start here with Matthew chapter 7 verse 17 and 18. And it's. You say. Even so every good tree bring forth good fruit but a corrupt tree bring it forth evil fruit good tree can I bring forth evil fruit neither chemical actually bring forth good from where for by your fruits your fruits ye shall know them so dating is a little bit of an inspection of we have to inspect so know what we're getting right again dating we're just using that term Court taking all of it is spending time to assess character simply don't get caught up on the words OK all right because I know that's a question in today's age Alright so dating the next thing it is not recreational Well 1st of all if it. Isn't recreational. Can you have fun when you're dating. You know where my husband and I are only dating this was like way back in the dark ages. Not that long there's only the last century. We one day he thought I'm going to surprise her for her birthday and he had my roommate They've my hands together and he kidnapped me. Baseball I'm told me and put me in my car and who did we drive up to 580. 50. The police are right and I was very energetic and I was screaming. That I'd never never turn and go but we had fun and it was really nice My roommate and my husband. Got together and they made this plan so that we could just celebrate a birthday and I had a nice little picnic so it can be fun but it is not for the purpose of fun. Oh and there's a scripture. Let's choose. Ecclesiastes of the 119 says Rejoice Oh young man in your youth and let your heart you in the days of youth so it's not OK I'm going to I've got no home with me but it is not for the purpose of fun it can be fun but it's not for the purpose of fun. We also believe from God's view it's a genuine progression toward unselfishness since we started out it's about what we want and what we want but for you to actually date you've got to come together comedy you're meeting of minds some common relationships here some relationship building and we've found. Very strongly that as that friction goes on it builds a case where you care about someone you unselfishly give to that other person. Looking again Nations chapter 2 verse 20 it gives us a temple here so must die in a relationship. When we look at a person you have to ask is there is a pretty Is there an establishment of unselfishness taking place in their life is their character building this stage of life between ages of maybe 16 to 22 there's a huge change going on in life and so looking at a freshman can expect in this really be. Student And when my husband talks about it kind of sentimental are we just excited like oh there's so in fellas they open the door for me that's not is it something nice to do but it needs to be more than that it needs to be a pattern of unselfishness you're looking and you're observing is this person generally unselfish in some people my husband one of our daughters with someone with interested and he was doing some really nice things and my husband was like that that's just surface that's just surface what what's the general trajectory OK. So I want to ask you why date. To someone to answer that question anyone want to answer me who is looking. To marry that person OK that's a good one hold that one anyone else. To marry someone if that person OK there is little synonymous here but she's a lot more focused than you are you're kind of out of here some are some OK OK but by your statements I would say that there is some convergence there right we've said that success in any line demands a definite aim but that's from Spirit of Prophecy So yes it's OK marriage is what does the Bible say about marriage it is it's honorable it's OK to have that goal that should be the goal of a Christian. And. Spitter prophecy also says Oh. Dear prophecy think of my husband I say this all the time whoever you hit your way into controls your destiny be very careful how you know that what you're aiming at and how you get there what's Huckaback more. So you've always stablished in that it has a purpose it has a goal and based on your 2 statements that in go is marriage OK so we understand from the Bible in Genesis and says that it's not good or ideal that man should be alone and applies to man and woman he's built us for relationship he created us man and woman male and female in the animals and then he brought us forth and joined us together for that relationship and then to build more and new relationships don't be embarrassed if you want to be married God said that good right don't be embarrassed we're Christians here but what's another reason what's another name or purpose for us wanting to be married or to have a relationship. Where Christians hint. There you go right. Not only are we Christian skies so you know what whatsoever you eat drink or whatsoever you do do it all to the glory of God but what kind of Christians are way where 7th Day Adventists Christians and with being 7th Day Adventists Christians we have our unique purpose right and Revelation 147 you guys have heard that scripture before I'm sure what does that say saying with a loud voice Fear God and give a reason why. Because the hour of his judgment is coming we want people to see the character of God in our relationships so that they too will get to know who God is love him and not be. In trouble at the at the end of time. Oh so. How do you guys think young people should begin dating. This dating venture and what would what do you think. Can never. OK And then a single yes. And that's good that's good anyone else yes. OK OK one more. Now more. OK Yes. Pray to God to guard our hearts so honey is it bad if we use a matchmaking app. Well I have to qualify that by saying it depends on which you use and its purpose you well know the answer to that but I would also say that if you can do perform that social networking using godly principles we're going to show you go for it because you guys sometimes we get locked in Oh well I can't I can't can't I. If you can use the principles that my Has And I say that word we are going to share if you can the stick to those principles found in the Word of God then maybe if there is not I can't but you've got to be very careful we have to be very careful John how do we begin this dating venture Well I believe we should start with understanding this kind of had a hint in their program 1002 says desire without knowledge is not good and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. Yeah we need the knowledge right because everybody here knows how to do it right we don't even really you know we've learned through trial and error we dated for a good long time not advisable We dated for 5 years not advisable but the Scripture says that knowledge without understanding so hopefully we're going today things from the scripture OK so you guys need some How to we wish we had some how to. So my husband was saying as we were putting this together what we received was a lot of what not to do anyone had that experience right were we want to talk about what we should do based on not don't write anything for the board. So 1st and foremost we would make sure the word. Lord use the standard. James says if you like wisdom who let him ask of God to give it to all men liberally in their brain if not in it shall be given to him that's a promise so F. king of God We find what God has to say to us primarily through. Through his word that's right OK so you know in that scripture from. Proverbs 1000 to. Knowledge is good whoever make haste with his speech misses his way or it's been well spent the prophecy has this wonderful little quote make haste slowly have you all heard that before why I don't know why make a flow only so what we feel that God was saying through his prophet was. Get prepared give it a lot of consideration don't not do it some people get dogs and not but. Why make haste slowly. When she Day I'm stuck in the head so I can give some hints here. Man she's a. Real. Hearts go. Out Day. OK post graduate school we always get college we skip college grad. It's too late. Let's roll over OK. So we're not going to give you a time frame that's dependent on several factors maturity and other things but what we want to say is that you need to determine 1st the appropriate time there's a wonderful scripture Honey can you pull that up there. And that great you guys look at it. Some bad stuff happens if we awaken before if. We need to be prepared. And oh yes. So you maybe I do if you haven't read a bit of prophecy read it God has given her so much good information that ballot and we took largely what we have here from the Bible of course and letters to young lovers which my husband talk about a little later but she says you can be mated but not matched if you're meant to but felt like something we could say now right if you're mated but not met that could be a problem and she says it will bring a lifetime of woe right OK 2nd we think that appropriate time is a time of progressive readiness we have these conundrums here to make a slowly progressive readiness so it's all about approach preparation and moving with wisdom you take the next step as you clearly examine where you are putting your foot or what you're putting your foot in. OK We call it disaster preparedness OK think about it. Or you if you if you don't you'll have disaster preparedness right yeah yeah. When we're discussing relationships we often talk about what we want in a potential partner everybody been there how you or anyone made a list don't raise your hand. What would I want we would say to you there are 2 tracks you need to take one what to look for in me. What to look for in me and then what to look for in the other person so in this seminar we're going to deal with what to look for in me in the next one will deal with what to look near the person later don't miss the number one let's look at ourselves. Yes and this great scripture reminds us not to be selfish because we got a look at ourselves because we have to be prepared I needed to be prepared for Right right OK so the Scriptures do not look out for your own interest but take an interest in others too that's why I you. Have to Be Prepared Right OK So as we said we got a whole lot of terminology from the Spirit of Prophecy it says instead of prophecy be interested and be interesting but we switched it around we're saying interesting session number one interesting question number 2 what everybody probably wants to hear be interested but we need to do some prep work 1st. So is looking at being interesting here this is getting us in readiness giving us prepare to take that proverbial step and book about Joe. And how do I need to prepare OK So we have a list of things we cannot go through all this because this is 50 minutes but we are trying to do some of them and we have notes if anybody wants our No afterwards. It's coming but. So we believe that God has told us from God's view that we need to do some self assessment you know often times in assessments we look at what others think of us or are we are influenced by some really crazy kind of things right but here's what God's view is of self assessment the number one thing is devotional what is our devotion to the Lord like our devotion not did I get up and read. We are not for what is our devotion What does that mean what is our love for the Lord like right and can you imagine we should be able to imagine I'm not the guy from Christian Mingle dot com. We should have contentment in the Lord Psalms one to says but they delight in the law of the Lord meditating on it day and light at night another Scripture says I delight that's not the one I'm looking for but the lighting in the Lord right we should the light in the Lord The other thing that we can't meet says you know we're human and we do have weak points is that right we need to evaluate our weak points in David's or Joe said in job 1323 how mine iniquities incent make me to know my transgressions instance sometimes we don't even recognize the things that we do that are so far from the mark or who we are that this is so far from the mark and we need to ask God to search us right all right number 3 we need to seek character growth we are in a progressive a lot of times people don't like that word but progressive is a good word we ought to be growing and so we need to be thinking in our love for the Lord Lord I love you so much show me my my my faults and how do I grow to be more and more like you so I can be a blessing to the world so the Scripture says where with all show a young man cleanse his way by taking heed until the word of the Lord and obviously the script true that we all most really know so well from Matthew 633 in our devotion to the Lord we must make him what priority and that's not just worship how other ways can we make the Lord a priority. Whatsoever you eat drink whatever. To the glory of God so it needs to be a priority. And that's from God's view he wants us to examine our finances we're going to go through this with your server want to go through quickly but we want you to stop look examine your financial strengths and weaknesses according to God's word. So 1st we want to look at. Pleasure more than the plan Proverbs says he that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man and he that lever the one in oil should not be rich so it's a matter of priorities. Next. The opposite are used in G. there is that scatter thing yet increases in the areas that withhold it more than is meet but it tended to poverty verse 20 farms speaks words you know but I'm sure you remember when we 1st we were getting pretty serious and what did I used to do all the time do you remember. I think your favorite pastime was balancing a checkbook. Every single day. To the. Right happening but you know what you know what that is what I found out later and you know if it did to make sure that your money is in order but I found out later that was part of my I'm by nature a very stingy person I wanted to make sure that all the money that was mine wasn't mine and I would think giving it anywhere to anyone. Next the fact that you're here and all getting straight A's good grades doing well in your classes says that you are a tuned to hard work so it is a given here that he that to the till of his land shall be satisfied with bread but he that fall with the vain void of standing. Then we also have the greed for the love of money the love of money is the root of all you have and I have while some have covered it after the air from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows so it is a lottery yeah well it's more than that and it's also a matter of all your hard work means to have a purpose and will do without a little later next. Let's be faithful. I think when you turn to your church or the church here you understand what it means to be faithful and your resources that doesn't call for us to hurry to be rich faithful steady mansion abound with blessings but he that make it hate to be rich and happy innocent I think as you matriculate from this. So there was many university there yeah you were on in 2 and you were in the workplace many who say hey invest in this or I've got this program you can get in on the ground floor it's about to blow up if you just recruit for $100.00 your friends you'll make millions of dollars. Often doesn't work for eggs it is that steady working that steady investment and we're not just talking about money expand this. To your relationships how are you investing in your family your friends those who are important to you those who have helped you those who blessed you less received anything. May God a priority this faithfulness in giving honor the Lord without substance and with the 1st fruits of an increase social their bonds be filled with plenty and they press your burst forth with new wine that's written on my check book I am a testament my wife and I are testament to what it means to give him your 1st fruits try him. And we thought talking about relationships yes we are OK We are self assessment surfaces on the set because you will find money can be one of the biggest obstacles to failure of relationships bestially once you get into marital relationships plan for your unresolved debt the wicked Bharath unpaid not again but the righteous show with mercy and give it you can't give what you don't have you can't give what you're giving back to the bank so keep that in mind in your planning and we know that their student loans and that type of things but there needs to be a plan we should not if we have to take a long let's not be of the percentage that default OK. So all this leads us to having a fully financial plan been diligent know the state of flux. And let's not have unrealistic expectations. I'm going down to Luke 121020 and says I will say to my soul that has much laid up goods in my for many years take. Eat drink and be merry but God said to the whole fool. This night then so should be required of the man whose job is things be which I had provided what was his expectation he wanted money where he thought I've got it all together I don't need to do anything else right. Now. So so. Help you guys is that something that we need to do to prepare for relationship because what is our goal. Marriage and. Glorify God That's right that's right so like Daniel we need to purpose to live healthy so we you know I think that is so important that word purpose it's kind of tuning our hearts out and saying help because we can't really do it but we need to have that 18 to live healthy. Anyways guess what is the aim is marriage isn't just your body. And we're going to and I just want to warn you the next session is going to get a little bit more warm but is it just your body. It's not just your body so what kind of body do you want to prevent. Your potential partner right. We all have different strengths and strengths and weaknesses in every area of our lives but we need to purpose to do the best that we can with what we have is that understood cautions 1st Corinthians 74 says the wife doesn't have power over her body but the husband likewise the husband doesn't have power over his body but the wife and another scripture says you when you get to that not yet are not your own OK so. Should you exercise to take everybody. As the Scripture says but only proper exercise profit to a little but does that mean it doesn't profit it all right so do we want to do the things that profit so I know we're in school and I know it's really busy and I know it was time for that but what was that 1st thing we said for Hell purpose purpose and I may not look like you know I don't know the super marathon running person right now but still do something purpose all right now I know that. Addictions are real right we addictions are real. And so if anyone is struggling with addictions and there's no shame in that we are from a sinful world right we're in a sinful world and addictions for whatever reason I think Pastor peppers talked about this is morning in. The question answer that some things we're born with and some things we've cultivated Whatever the reason they're real but you don't say it's OK. You know we think to overcome addictions any and all of them Proverbs 21 says wine is a mocker strong drink is raging whoever is do you think they are by is not wise but remember in this is a mercy of God Yes we live in a sinful world leader we have addictions but he has made a way. As they seek it seek it through accountability seek it through counseling seek it just don't live with it it's not OK to just let it go right so and the 5th thing is to maintain and obtain good mental health problems 1430 says the heart of peace give life to. Body That's right. Next facet we deal with is communications very important here. First we want to look at godly communications. I think that's a given here folks you know profanity you know gossip sarcasm kind of get the idea you know what I mean I read a statistic just this week that said among Christian young people that's the number one profanity it's something like I'm a Christian but I curse that's fine. But God's view is let the words of my mouth the meditation of my heart be acceptable in vi site Lord. Also very important gentleman. My wife would say I'm quite guilty there. I don't know if it's genetic I don't know if it has to do with certain testosterone levels but sometimes we're a little slot in there guys you know I talk what. So a wise person always says we are blessed with 2 ears one mouth. We're from my beloved and let every man be swift to hear slow to speak slow to raff. Once we are done that let's see can understanding. But see understanding 1st of all have no delight in understanding but that is heart may discover itself in this print runs me of a story why wife and I had been married approximately 10 in the years and from the time you were dating I showered her with flowers and chocolate when we got married she had all the flowers I'd given her dried impressed which was nice I never saw the chocolate. Fast forward 10 years I figured out why we're say sitting at a 7 to dinner we had all our friends together from cleavage friends together were sitting around the table after 10 years and I had just given her this big huge chocolate bear solid chocolate bear for a birthday and they got put up on the shelf and I'm like do you want to bring it out and maybe and she was like well that's nice and then one of my buddies a very good friend put his hand on my shoulder and gave me the wisest words I've had I've had you doing what you asked me. How do I phrase that he said this he was talking and I went out I might Joan didn't what like Jackley So all of my misnaming all of my moving up living for 10 times 13 years. Took one of my buddies to tell me she was like chocolate told. C.N.N. but it's going to have to seek understanding that 1st. And like my my friend Mark did speak the truth and love. We always in our communications have friction life is friction on would you agree even with the best of friends and especially with the best of lovers there's friction but when we have that. We interact with kindness even in the face of ugliness we bless pray for them they persecute you and sometimes among your friends you may even feel persecuted bless her for not go you guys. Joyously rejoice we can rejoice and weep with them who weep but let us be kind. Finally our communication needs to be open. We speak in truth and love and this is a very important principle we need to put to put to work in our lives if you had some interest passed against you go in tell him the fault not her or him or her or him go to the person who's at fault with your spouse you for your parents whoever that relationship is in the church outside the church work it is a word of wisdom that is well applied in our lives. And finally in our communication communicate our expectations clearly. God does it all he communicates quite clear through Scripture and he does expect us to delve into it and extract those principles but since we're not God We can't command yes to us what do are required to do justice love mercy and walk humbly right so we don't know how to go here because conflict is going to be a part of everybody's relationship because we're just 2 different people coming from 2 different worlds and when you're assessing you really do need to understand how people deal with conflict. So what we did instead of doing you don't have all those my husband was so gracious to put everything in flies but what we did we broke it down into 3. 3 large areas rather than all of the Scriptures but if you want to know details I have the scriptures but the 1st thing in conflict for conflict assessment is determine the things that make you angry fear bad memories lack of patience. And then understand how you deal with conflict. It's important do I attack do I withdraw those things are very important for you to know are you vengeful or argumentative God has solutions for those things but you have to be real and assess them and then thirdly understand how to work on a plan to best deal with anger and conflict and. That's all we'll say except to tell you this story I'm doing all the admissions here with that but that all about but when we were dating our figure actually that's where oh yeah that's right. When we were saying we had an alumni weekend and I had already graduated and gone back home and had a job but my husband lived in the town where our school was and. So I had come back and I was all excited because I hadn't been a long time. And we were driving to the place where we have the convention for the alumni weekend and we ran out of gas. Well how do you all think I dealt with that. Not well not well my husband says I grew up with a silver spoon in my. Present like group of the 1st one out that I have never had to be in my life I want in the world. Now by the grace of God when we said we did some things we did right some things we did wrong by the grace of God I'm certain my husband how is she going to respond when other things go wrong but by the grace of God we're still here 32 years later. Yes but that is not how to deal with conflict I was angry and I let him know it that will never happen again with me. So yeah so you just need to assess how do you do with. The other facet God from God's view he wants you to examine the education 1st of all education to be practical. True education and I said true education braces physical mental and moral training so that powers we fitted for the best development to do service for gun again giving glory to God and we kind of talked about all that practical stuff so far right OK Yes I think that speaks for itself. Second it has to be vocational Well you know there's going to have me that's a good one. For one. Where I don't know what you're talking about. So let me just start this off right so you're in college you have a friend and you're like we need to. You know get married we need to assume the number this is being recorded there. I'm just saying you're just feeling very emotional very passionate about it and you want to get right into the life and the Scripture does say it is better to marry and then to burn and that's burning with passion not burn in hell although they could have but. It is better to marry then to burn. Now go on. What else thing it also says so this is what we have to think about that's why you're here bouquets and you're looking at your career planning for your careers if any provide or think. Of anything not think it's planned before oh that looks if you provide not for his own that you think about or have a plan for his own especially those of his own house he is denied the faith and isn't worse than an infidel So yes you may be burning with the desire to move forward and connect but vocational your education or whatever it looks like everybody everybody has a different plan directory but planning for your vocation is important and the bibles of count because that count because. Finally we want to talk about influences very important facet of your relationships and seeking your relationships. Your relationships are often formed from your family of origin examine how that takes place why and how that will thank you decision making process also another says me I need to make is who are you meeting influences in your life if you show me a man's friends I can show you the character of that man you are they say you are what you eat are you also who you hang out with. So is it just friends like hi you're my friend if they're just friends like people like that Are those the only influence. What are some other influences that can affect what. OK parrot Yes how about social media or any media. Yeah yeah good. It's our call is for you to be transformed take note also the world's wisdom is stupid. And you're not immune from any other influences look at family influences we see here that has a high and also walking ways of the house of a happy followed after is Father mom did evil his mother and he did evil just like his father who are good influences. Check your influences also those religious influences whatever form they maybe. Just realize that we don't want to be carried around with winds of doctrine so could be our pastor or a professor or. Any one of the about yes. All it takes is a little bad influence folks a little have been leveled at the whole loaf so be aware so our plan is for you to say search me all gone. So you think you're ready now. OK. I don't see your enthusiasm here I see one about I see 2 nodding heads and everybody's looking with a blank stare like. You're staying will you be interesting when you do these affect it. Oh they have all who they were all God is able. God if they so we've looked at God's view of dating. Character existence assessment the what why to glorify him how the preparation and when is appropriate to move on to the next session this media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermons lead to visit W W W audio verse or.


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