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Logo of GYCSE 2018: Focused - When All Else is Blurred

Points of View- Part 2

Rodney McClellan Joan McClellan

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Conference

Recorded

  • October 20, 2018
    3:30 PM
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For those of you who have joined us which looks like there may be a few of you. Were discussing points of view from God via. Session 2. We're going to review one of the tracks we discussed in readiness we were talking before. We talked about what to look for in me how am i interesting what does God want me to do to make myself interesting now we want to discuss what to look for in the other person we want to be interested. This is what we use this is what we typically do we're looking right OK. We thought we'd be really cool and use this expression because I hear that you guys use the stuff on like Instagram and stuff OK. That's why. They're. Moving back to Perth. With a purpose what is God does you know what does he want us to value in each other so let's start with what a woman needs in a man OK 1st and foremost. So ladies what do we think we want to name some things in a man. Spirituality that's good that's always the right answer but it is true. I heard something here. God hearing yes absolutely. Loyalty. OK Anything else anyone dare to venture outside of. Spirituality and strong that's what I'm saying I want my mate to be throwing. Shit List That's right that's right right why would we want a man to be gentle. All right very good one more one something else that we as women may want in our men. We said godly we said gentle strong. OK supportive OK so I am going to share with you some of the things that my husband I glean from scripture that a woman might want in a man OK Obviously number one is true. Godliness true godliness I just kind of liked. This scripture from. X. talking about David where God said I have found David a man after my own heart right. Because 1st Corinthians 113 Not yet not in the relationship but with the goal of what is one of the goals of a relationship. Glorifying God and the other is. Marriage so I WAS IT SAYS 1st Corinthians 113 but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is a man bad of Christ is God What woman in here wants a man to be the head of them that isn't godly Does anyone want that you know we're you and up you want to have a godly man right OK all right and this godly man you know we learn from efficiency that the godly man. Is representing Christ for the woman that he might sanctifying cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he this is about the Church of the woman that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing that it should be holy and without blemish you know our guys should help to bring out the beauty in this inner beauty Have you ever thought of that guys think about it because it's real you don't want to stifle your woman but my husband will talk about the man OK. So something else we look for security security and the gentleness that you talked about over here is also part of that security because we don't want to feel like someone will abuse us emotionally or physically and the strength is also part of that security's So if he says. 52528 and 29 because we know that some model Christ in His Church is the model for marital relationships move love your wise even his Crisil love the church and gave Himself for it what my husband wouldn't do for me I want my daughter probably knows you know I say I don't drive on long trips ice would be able to drive I'm capable of driving 14 to 16 hours when he's not there but when he is there all the I cannot drive and believe me falling asleep he still striving I hate to drive but you know to just to just to give and that's a really great quality that women look for in men course I learned I want to say this is the caviar I can't take advantage of that all right so the other thing is good communication we want a man to be able to communicate with us. And when he communicates what we talked about before that it's not with profanity that is not harsh that all those good communication things 1st Timothy 28 says sound speech that cannot be condemned that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed having no evil thing to say of you because our husbands eventually are when we're looking for the person that we're interested in and we want to make sure that his speech is sound he is kind to us it's a good solid Christian like speech OK We also. Like that. Who doesn't like affection here woman. Affection right and we said the Bible says it is good it's not good for man to be alone we'll talk a little bit more about sex but you know if we want sex eventually I mean that's how God made us to be so part of this this this being interested the person has to be attractive but we want a faction and we don't want someone to be mean in his affections towards us and we need and be able to express affection in the way that we like that affection so I know someone in our family affection for her is to to to tussle a lot and so that might be not beating each other up but that might be that way if the person doesn't like to be touched at all well maybe that's not going to be good for that person OK So we also want understanding 1st Peter $37.00 likewise husbands do well with them according to knowledge get to understand the women want you to understand them so take an interest in what is important to them and of course physical attractiveness Proverbs 2029 says the glory of young men is their straight the beauty of old men is their very. And. That goes back to the security thing but let's not pretend guys what may be attractive to me may not be attractive to you but physical attractiveness is important when you are interested in so much OK so that's why we talk about taking care of our bodies our physical selves all right oh and all of the things express a woman's need for a lot right OK So let's talk of a. The guys. What does a man need in a woman. Well list starts to look kind of similar doesn't it. True godliness. Proverbs $3130.00 says Favre is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman that fear the Lord she shall be praised. Also like respect men thrive on respect ladies. Titus in chapter 2 verse $4.00 and $5.00 says so they may encourage the young woman to love their husbands to love their children to be sensible workers at home care and subject to their own husbands so the Word of God will not be dishonored Castree that. They like support the heart of a husband safely trust in her that is his wife so that she he shall have shall have no need of spoil he doesn't have to worry about whatever she's taking care of the household in in this day and age that may be a different balance depending on who you're with also Genesis says the Lord said it's not good that a man should be alone. Trust me it is not good. And I don't mind is the devil's workshop did they say. And and can I say something there about you guys I'm not making this up so please don't think I'm profane and there is no excuse for infidelity when someone gets married but that word spoil right there so you know what it means in the Hebrew and we're going to translate it to our modern days please I'm not being profane it me B O T T Y booty that means that you know the reap the rewards of war right and you know how you said that in this day and age but what I'm saying is wise or wimmin when you become now make sure that you are supportive and respect for all because remember guard your heart now because the issues of life you when you hear him say OK. Now he's looking for a partner he's looking for an intelligent thinking woman house and riches of inheritance of fathers and a prudent wife is from the Lord strictly a gift. Also he's looking for a woman who's going to help him not only she be productive but help him be productive. Relax because it was done right and that's what my wife tells me. She looked at one of the ways of her household if not the bread of idleness so productive be in a relationship in a partnership takes to working together but a husband who is working greatly values the fact that his wife is supportive of him and productive. What does a man need in a woman. Sex but I want context in marriage so avoid fornication we all know what fornication means let every man have his own wife and let everyone have her own husband but if they cannot contain that they marry for it is better to marry than to burn and we discussed that earlier and I guess you are saying that this is something sex is something the desire for that which is good is something that does draw but it do improper season. They also like physical attractiveness ladies are beautiful creatures men are visual they are drawn to the visual various forms that might take a proverb says favors to see form beauty is vain but a woman that fear the Lord shall be praise so there is beauty in how you carry yourself how you respect how you fear the Lord and then let that beauty be the hidden hidden man of the heart and that which is not corruptible of a meek and quite spirit which is in the sight of God great great prize so in God's view and in the man he created that holds great value so does that mean I just kind of dress anyway I just kind of get up in the morning just put my clothes on and go not very helpful in the long run. So where to spend of prophecy to address is if we are to be attracted. But we're not we're not to repel but compel people and that they would see that the Christ in us so we can't do that if we look like a bag lady. Saumarez a good job of saying it in Song of Solomon Chapter 4 verse one he says be whole art fair my love behold the art fair there has. Been looks that hair is as a mark of goes. Got appear from out giving the heart all fair my love there is no spot in the sea was beautiful fair and beautiful yet how Rachel Leah Well let's see in Genesis 2917 Leah was tender eyed But Rachel was beautiful beautiful and well favored. And then we have the pretty Beauty Queen Esther. So is there in. Were actually after that it wasn't quote for Esther but will use this so show the can greatly desire their beauty for he is the Lord and worship about him every queen wants his queen to be beautiful every king every king got to be careful. Of a king queen queen king so to have it sent So there is a part to play physical beauty does have a part to play we don't want you guys to think you know there's so much in modest see that sometimes it makes young women think that I can't be pretty you know you can god design the beautiful roses all of these things but within the context of modesty. And by the way I just wanted to give this warning because I've been married for a long time and I know you know we we've had some life experiences guys who are either way the thieved. You are look at Proverbs 625. It says do not desire her beauty in your heart and let her capture you with her eyelashes be careful be careful guys because you know. Girls sometimes know how to put things out but is that your beauty I mean there's a difference between being beautiful from the inside and being dressing in an attractive fashion and being. Whatever that means. And I meant to leave you besides the Bible text that we're sharing with you leave you with a couple of books one is I mean it's letters to young lovers if you have it online you can get it from your phone it is very good in outlines a lot of what we're talking about here is also another book by. Gentleman Dr Emerson groups and it's called love and respect and it outlines the same the dynamics between a man and a woman how a man creates risk. Back to how woman craves love and when those 2 meet it makes for a beautiful Union So if you have a chance look at those so how to be in dating we've talked about so much about you know what we need to do how do you prepare and all that but where do we go to from here. We used to well guys in my days I wouldn't pay attention to what they sometimes and say what's your phone number what are your 7 digits What do you do now what do that is do now. Your social security number. OK Are you. First let me know what is your major They're not looking so secure you know. Social media OK OK. Well here's what here's what we believe God's view is what we should do to begin dating the 1st thing is why counsel is very necessary from the moment you are looking. Through when you're dating through the of course obviously through marriage but wife counsel in those phases of before you're dating and while you're dating is very important the Bible says In Proverbs 114 where no counsel is the people or fall but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Who is the primary source of counsel you guys. James 15 if you lack wisdom Afghani he gives it to you how. Whoever only Philip you need to know OK is this one for sure of you now really guys that's why we have to have that devotion to the Lord because He begins to teach us and you will hear a voice behind you saying this is the way that's the one walking it talk to you or talk to him OK All right. OK Proverbs 328 says I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go I will guide you with my eye turn your eyes on Jesus look full and has wonderful things why because he is going to guide you with his OK. But counsel obviously can be found in his word by word is a lamp and I like to write. Also counsel can be found in godly older people godly is very important godly older people particularly your parents job is to job 1212 says with the ancient is wisdom in the length of days is understanding I was talking to someone today that said oh if I can really talk to my mom about this we'll talk to your dad if you have to either of them then find someone godly but don't always assume that you can't talk to your mom and your dad maybe just just start and see you know so it's really important and we are very blessed that our children talk to us a lot about these types of things and yeah something very like who weren't ready for that but anyway. But it's OK but it's OK all right godly friends also do you think that's true godly friends can provide counsel a lot of times people say well you know you can talk to your friends well yes you can if they're godly right about this Proverbs 276 says but thing is sometimes you guys if you're going to be a true friend says faithful are the wounds of the other friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful if you're you're you're you're you're doing your right hand due to whatever you guys call it validate your friend said no man see is not the one but maybe you should just listen a little bit to what they have to say. All right and whatever counsel you get. Check it out. Whatever your source of human counsel prove all things hold fast that which is good prove what is to the Lord. Trust but verify ours and say. Let's talk about compatibility OK. Who does God view for you. We believe it's understood that we are not to be equally yoked and you know that also in a 2nd Corinthians OK. We know in Amos it says you can to walk together except they be agreed everything does not have to line up perfectly for plans but there must be an agreement a meeting of minds must be considered. So if you know what your sign. And I know that right right we're Christians here what about chemistry we have chemistry. OK. Well we want to lay out your and give her principles here. Layouts and general principles here that we want you to remember here in that effort don't make half hearted approaches OK whatever you do do it hardly has been lured not into men. Why we say that is because have heard approaches often use lead to confusion we talked earlier about communication Your be a new name be name Secondly pray all you want pray but then trust God to help you make that move yeah you know it can be prosperity or yes so I hear that a lot of times there's no moves being made people are interested but nothing's happening it's OK to make a move. OK Because you know Faith without works. OK All right. Be friendly smile Amanda have friend shows and so friendly so many of our relations starts with friendships I can speak for hours we are going start with friendship getting. Started with a little bit of hate around but we didn't tell you that we did everything right. But if we got back and we want to friendship that I was allowed us to stay and so once we she graduated and we graduate went separate ways over the next with 3 years we dated. Long distance. Trying to get some you know vocational vacation oh OK you know anyway and then joined together to get married. So what should the man do to. Get started to begin dating you know. Oh let's go. Oh I thought it was you know OK. I mean what's life without risk taker really yes. Yes. Oh come on I need to hear some men here oh yeah. Yeah yeah I am but that's. Don't curse. Hard meaning you know if someone said and we don't know for playing that video but no social cues like if she says No Yes. After the 20th time guys it's over OK. OK cool we only communicate your intent I like to get to know you that's not that big of a deal you guys we can do it don't let the size we don't let society emasculate or define your role right now it can I jump in yesterday be consistent be consistent what you say be consistent in what you do or just don't say don't do it and actually we have to see highs to both sexes OK. I'll share that moment find out what's important to her. And strive to always be a man of Kerryman. Briefly moving forward when we 1st met referred to the friction Initially we had. John was a friend of a friend and he she need to go home to England to a wedding and she need a ride to the airport which was 100 miles away make note of that 100 miles away and our mutual friend asked me to take her to the airport so I arrived her apartment the day before and we met he was a gentleman. And she informed me at what time I should arrive to pick her up and what time I should get to the airport. So the next day arrived and he looked like he agreed yes I arrived. 100 miles away an hour and a half before flight. Let's just say that was an interesting conversation. I got there on time 100 miles an hour where we were actually more like 110 it will use do not do this at home and you want to. Marry me when you want to see this recording who knows me please do not do this at home. OK We do not recommend that but we got her there and on time God is good and graceful but I set the stage for a woman who was not exactly looking very favorably on me. Late and it took me about 7 or 8 months to dig out of that hole. But he did so then I am taking a risk pursuit clearly communicating your intentions being consistent is important do what you say do what you say. And also express what you do because we miss communicated because I had been in the habit of taking people to the airport I knew how long it would take me and I at the time had a habit of expressing myself quite quickly on the highway my my. My license plates that hot rod one not a good sign again. OK So what did the woman do to begin dating OK So you know. Traditionally we think it's better good to you all study this out for yourself that the man should pursue the women I think that's a good idea but. We do anything do we just sit around and go. Oh nobody's talking to me is that what we do ladies you do stop it. So we don't want to flirt flirting is off the table but you can be friendly so you can go out of your way to initiate conversation you can you know maybe talk to this guy maybe just a little bit more than you talk to all the other guys or maybe you can I don't know if it's appropriate for the relationship maybe send a text. But anyways just go out of your money. Conversation friendly but not flirtatious. And find in and knock us ways to be encouraging you know so a guy is about to do something fun you can do it Bob I don't know. You with. Her. And then in by for a non-threatening ways to spend some time. This is not a day this is no pressure but you might just say you're maybe you're in the same I don't know what classes you all take care there's a engineering class together you're in engineering class I know that's not and you shouldn't say do you want to study there's no pressure he doesn't know that you're interested in him but maybe when you're studying together maybe all of us and there will be. This make yourself available OK then then if there are no sparks great no sparks but if there are now ladies this is how I see it that we should then pull back and let the men now take. The role right this is where guys you with that 1st thing we said take. OK All right. And by the way that rejection unfair it's just life and I'm not trying to be funny but Jesus was rejected right so. He went there you think that is going to be OK Don't let anxiety or fear own you just. Say. OK Now let's come back to where we were in terms of we're looking at from God's point of view God's point of view so as we're moving forward. We want to speak to the gentleman here. And ladies we want to listen in. And make sure we have seen again. This is. A public service announcement to the prophet. Christian living for the longest time I've been told one way for me to see you don't chase after him he'll wait and this is the week of the Christian women to wait for the Christian men to pursue him to plan to leave maybe he should be leading the pursuit now when I say I don't mean stop OK. Go ahead whether the Mormons have a mouse on the whole guys. Really good news. Is that what I mean you know you are. Getting on the record no no no girl your kid did not go back several times a week do not use this video thing with me to keep going after her no matter what I do to be a bit like the fish where you place yourself in position to get to know her even if it's just in groups at sea with friends in all groups to see if this will be a wise decision to go after you blind to others you see patients sometimes those guys did so well because so really so bad that you have to decide whether or not this is real life. So you know where you might get yet or you might start very emotionally. Or you might just change your mind because it's really all she cared about her heart mostly because she would not want to be this is something to be very careful because we can do this to. You too this must be happy intentional about pursuing her house and car. A lot. Because we caught in the moment you realize that what you say to me sounds lovely sweet and Carrie but may come. By this little trust. Don't let your words go beyond what you already great. Sort of wisdom about survival guarding your heart is well I don't mean garden life for. Me you are. Right on the right. You know your emotions just because he's cute and knows your bottom or. That one with your head I'm not right about all that sort with or if you still want to. Do that take care of the costs be clear about your motives better know what you desire to ultimately you're looking for a wife but this is not guaranteed marriage OK that's unnecessary pressure that can be that you say that you desire to be with her and that you don't always decide whether or not you switch time and closer to home or courtship dating where life is new there are far more of those your life. Right it's important that we understand. I lost my thought. So there is another cool graphic by the way. Do you all know what that means. Yeah what is it so me. When you start dating right you're in a relationship now you're in a relationship. OK So what is God's view on how we should treat that boyfriend or girlfriend that you hate those turns where men and women and it's boyfriend girlfriend but it sounds weird to say woman friend man Fred OK. So the Bible said for the one man for us is women Proverbs 3112 see will do him good and not evil all the days of your life so good find out that that which is good and do good to that young man OK and gentleman treats with purity like your sisters. The elder woman as mothers treat the youngers as sisters with all purity. And even parity guard that heart. So what is God's view on purity. Is it what what is God I'm purity. Well. It's a good thing and the Victorian whatever that mean. Nothing Victorian You refer to is don't look don't touch. Arms reach. The Bible says again remember this scripture This is very important do not awaken love before it's time Song of Solomon to 7 so there is to be boundaries for purity and 1st testimonials for 3 in 5 and I have the New Living Translation here verse 3 says the day away from all sexual sin then each of you will control his body and live in holiness and honor glorifying God how much sexual still sin should we stay away from. Does that mean masturbation is about guys. All sexual sin all OK all right and I have the biblical example John of Daniel Yes we don't have time constrains us to go into it but purpose in your heart is Daniel David to be like Daniel work for God. As he did move his example review the examples of the Josephus the day the Abrahams It's good for a man not to. Touch a woman that was if I was saying. What does that mean it's good for a man this is a single man not to have intercourse with a woman sex with a woman so we have to establish good boundaries Romans 1314 says put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no prob vision for the. Last and it's less so what would that look like not making provision. If I can't do this if and not. I don't need to do it what else come on guys what do they look like not making provision for the blessed. Yes. Don't look for opportunities that happens that's the best that's very real How about you're in this relationship you're locked in this relationship do you communicate about these things you talk about touching and kissing and holding hands or do you go oh that's so embarrassing or do you talk about it. You better talk about it you know you better talk about it because when you don't talk about it things unintentional happen unintentionally and intentionally happen remember you need to set up boundaries you need to be mature That's why we talk about having good mental health and all of that because you need to be mature enough to say what what is are really we want our relationship to glorify God and what is what are boundaries we won't be alone here we won't do this will be a good whatever that looks like but it needs to be communicated. In principle the guards are part of me oh yes. That's not the one is it I'm not there yet not there yet but here's another thing here in the college setting you have roommates that helps you to be accountable to I'm going out with Mary and making of these names that nobody has the right I'm going out and I'm going out with Mary and we're going to blah blah blah and we'll be back in one hour. Give. Bobbie give me a call. Back or whatever just 2 things that help to set up gate you're guarding your heart your understanding OK All right so apply the principles of establishing good boundaries keep your mind pure Bolivians for 8 we've heard that about watching television or but keep your mind pure whatsoever things are all of those things if there be any virtue any praise think on those things so I am not looking at all the hot babes on Instagram. I was going to. Write that or 3. I am going to go past all of that keep your mind pure because in my generation what I see on Instagram that was part of a fee OK So just be very careful to keep your mind pure. Pray fight the fight a fire fight the fight of the faith with the word and with prayer OK and I don't know how what our time looks like but one Scripture that has always been very helpful to me in my my Christian walk is bringing into captivity every bought some things Satan is attempt or we live in the real world he will tempt us but bring into captivity praying God help me and have a scripture that you can use to bring those thoughts into captivity to the obedience of Christ. Claim those scriptures Now here is the day that this is a real live data 80 percent and this is in 2012 I think it is it might be higher now this is the most recent that we found 80 percent of evangelical Christians are having premarital sex 80 per cent I wonder what that statistic looks like percent they haven't it's Christians guess how much the what the percentages for the worlds. Well what if you say oh. He did the 580 percent. So that it is the same to the glory of God right so we really need to remember what our purpose is to NGO marriage and to glorify God OK. So we speak with repetition together we've said over and over again keep the heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life proverbs for 23 so if you're already involved. Still not too late please sexual immorality every sin that man does out of the body but he who he who commits such a morality sins against his own burning. And James also we don't have to faults in Taishan 1st Corinthians table. And specially for us gentlemen keep mine pure in away from fantasy that applies to us it also applies to the ladies as well but especially of men every man is tempted when he's drawn away but of his own last and enticed it conceives and brings forth sin and finish death. And I just wanted to remember that God has provided that way if they don't think he hasn't he's provided trust him OK. All right so we're going to talk about accountability and then we're just about done and then we can answer questions out in the atrium if you all have any questions but accountability is accountability necessary What's God's view on it let's see here is 1024 and 25 and I have the New Living Translation verse 24th let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works let's encourage one another in our walk in finding relationship in having relationships can we do that with one another. Yes. Probably 2717 is iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens the count tenants are sharp and a friend lets really purpose to help one another to stay pure then equally the Esses for 9th is 2 people are better off than one for they can help each other 16 succeed in what. What are we talking about here we're talking about life when we talk about relationships we can one and that there were also a big community to help one and then one another for the glory of God and in this case relationship OK And then finally if you can find 21 submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. All right. So we want to wrap with expectations was God's view on expectations. No there's no perfect person. Dating is progressive It's like sanctification think of that your spiritual walk as you grow as you mature together you know your view of how things are whole lot different than they were when you were 12 or 16 and they were a whole lot different when you are 25 or 30 but as they are you want those ideas those those aims those goals surrendered to God. We want to take his view. Go to God whenever you need to be self-denying and he will hope make the issues of life even the most difficult ones beautiful. So what is the theme of this do you I see as the. Focus That's right so we did hopefully today we looked at what God's view is on dating and relationships and so the scripture the theme scripture is there for we also since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let's just lay aside every weight and the sin which easily ensnares us let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking where looking to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith faith let's look to Jesus to help us to prepare ourselves for relationship and to learn how to approach and what his plan is for us to get into relationship and how to keep pure relationship that gives him honor and glory so much charge to you is considered God's view in all that you do and as you go about that be interesting and be interested. Thank you for. The floor for approximately 4 minutes of questions are we alone for. 4 or 5 any question. Who quiet friends. Think we put them to sleep any. Move Well what is. Angry ferret I think people who are very angry that's a red flag because that could be. Indicative of abuse. Yes And we it depends on because we're all selfish and growing progressively right but it's blatant selfishness Right yeah I have this theory someone shared with me that all problems are spiritual to the to this point no one has proved otherwise so when you look at that you look through the prism of God's eyes and say OK are we walking together toward the same goal. Are we walking at the same time together the same goal are you running ahead of me or and I like being behind because you could be walking the same goal but you're not quite have the same level of enthusiasm and when you kind of now measure things along that prism you start to say OK what are the reasons for that and how do we rectify and what decisions are need to make based on that but we would say we only have our experiences but we want you to leave here not depending on where our experiences are but always always go to the word dig into it and I think this presentation by going through the Bible and looking trying to code for ourselves and we've learned a lot I think we have a lot of we have learned and I think that some of those things that we talk about like laziness and and vanity those are things that you just want to look at what is that going to look like if my my potential partner is always thinking about himself you know what happens if I get sick because marriage is for better or for us that I'm at it and we have experienced those things where people have they've checked out of the relationship because the person was too involved with themselves right couldn't take. You know any earthly this also is an impetus for us to look at ourselves remember the previous we're so if assessment self-examination Yes. Well. Here the very girl that's hard to answer the door I stepped I met one wouldn't even young ladies like to express something on that yes. I think that's good. So are you interested No I'm not interested OK. Why would I would I would as a little bit temper that with kindness. We tend to look at things as not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings and for ladies and for gentleman as she stated honesty is your best policy if this isn't going anywhere and you know that don't leave him or her on it's right be clear but we can't. Yeah. I know we touched on. Is it OK for us. Sometimes Christian. Who Well I would say this what is our mission as they have interest I think that that is very important for us the 7th Day Adventist to know kind of before we even ask that question. And I guess if that person can embrace that mission but if not I don't think a sound they have bent if Christian with the mission that we have can they so much even though they love Jesus unless those people are willing. To embrace the mission if you've identified the problem find its spiritual. Resource and its foundation and then work from there so that is a spiritual problem has to be addressed yes ma'am and this might need to be our last question because I believe we're going to have to wrap up. Longer than. Boy you've got to go there. Quickly. For us we grew up in the age where phone calls were $0.35 a minute and we talked on average an hour and a half every night so my my phone bill was as much as my rant was it was cheaper at some point to sit down and say fine is there a line somewhere are we moving forward this is a very strong motivation now bringing that forward. We're going to switch or. There's an evaluation of again reassessment we point out reassessment looking at your goals if you're talking to each other and you have goals and you have set forth a direction you're going in there needs to be a periodic assessment where are we on that. We're not advising you know you do that for a long time we had specific goals which include which meant that. One of us she got a job quicker than I did I looking for a job and working part time things there is looking at what we can do for grad school paying off debt when we move forward so when we step forward into marriage even though it was 4 and a half years after she graduated and 3 and a half years of long distance we got married we were able to take care of our. Parents took care of the wedding and move and get ourselves established with jobs and a home within the 1st year after marriage and that was our goal but I was still very impatient and that caused some because I didn't know how to communicate well that caused a lot of friction but we have 7 minutes oh we read through the presentation because we thought we were out of 5 OK More questions and this young lady and then. Right. It could also mean no not yet. Very good. And I want to hear. This. Record. For a relationship or for a marriage. On the relationship. I think we have a wide gamut of views viewpoints. Just within the church. So the only thing we can offer is assess the situation assess the parents for my father in law it was important that I come to him from the outset and he want to know what my intentions were and I had to come in ask him for permission some families and that may be the expectation but speaking to the gentleman find out get to know the family the siblings understand what the expectations are and if that's important enough to you meet those expectations but I would like to say that it should be up front I'm just going to put it out there I think it should be up front because I think that it helps to make everybody comfortable with the relationship and also add another layer of accountability here so I think that front I know our family why did that and we didn't fully understand it because our parents didn't really talk to us about that stuff but no matter what kind of family from I think it helped us make things comfortable but then like my husband said some people might see it as a lot of pressure but you do have to assess the family too but. Here. He says How do you know the right time to pursue that person. So. So we talked about prayer. We talked about preparedness So if you're not ready it's not the right time right OK But if you feel like we're in it again it's progressive rate if you're in the position for readiness you're asking the Lord to help you in all of these areas you're looking you have an A with yourself you know because you have to be perfect you know I have all my ducks are in a row financially I am ready no not that but if. Yes So it with prayer and honey. I defer to my wife because everything starts with your relationship with God. How you move. Share a story because at the time prior to dating my wife I was very interested in this young lady who was a daughter of a of someone other than me one of the local ministers and I thought you know she was the one to pursue but God told me no. He literally told me No I I mean at the time because of my immaturity I thought it was stupid of me to pray because God answers prayers right but I did pray and I said Lord what should I do and really he told me no when I went to go ask around is that voice is telling you saying. Oh I don't doubt that she will know when when when you're taking her back and there's that were for us the in for the steps the doing where you could only hug them goodnight it was their voice saying we are alone I have the plans for her. And then after that point in time a deferment it probably sent me is like you like Samuel Lord are you telling me something and I listen to him that was a blessing to me and my family. She went her way I went my way we were both blessed we've now grown families actually our next generation of families of have been acquainted with each other and I later on got me a very wonderful wife but is when you listen to that guidance when you ask for that guidance I'm example God in various ways will he speak to you directly I can't guarantee that will he show you in various ways and signs depending on how you act and react because remember he is YOUR he is your creator. In loving this in loveliness and kindness you said those at the outset and I agree talking but I also think you know I think what it is a student generally he asked a lot of questions. To ask questions and when you at questions you can get more and more response that hopefully will open and transparent and really listening and because people want to be understood male or female want to be understood and when people feel understood and listen to they are willing to. Share and we go back to the the spiritual template we all understand hopefully we are understanding for ourselves the path the progression of sanctification and we loosely want to ally this dating process with that in that we are growing in spirituality and honestly with God and we're seeking his wisdom and guidance for that so again it goes back to what the Psalmist said in Psalms the 2 he he wants your relationships so close so tight with him that you're looking at what he's looking at he's guiding you with his eyes he's that word behind you that's telling you what you need to do in 6 years hands. One last question and we need to we have a new set down over me me you know we're going to have to cut off because we're out of time right quickly. General. Yes or. Feel good thing. You all have they had this verse here don't think. I mean do you go to vespers. OK You were saying that there are no joint joint opportunities outside the classroom for meetings. But at a higher level there is a point where we as gentlemen have to step out and make an approach to really walk and someone say hey I think you're interesting I would really like to get to know you this is not gentlemen it's not a proposal of marriage and I think most of our ladies understand that are not going to start planning your wedding and how many kids they have just because you just told them you want to get to know them I know they are you sure want to be asked to go to Mass 1st OK destructive because often times. We've we all fear rejection and we don't like to be paid to perform the rejection but sometimes you have to take that step and our time is up Rene we can talk to you but we're being told that we need to vacate this room and move into the atrium and if we need to have more questions. Before we do that my wise wife has taken my counsel and asked me to pray less bar hits. Lord you've blessed us you give us live today you brought us to this point in this place in this time to understand something that you who created us who loves us wants good things for us you want us to be interesting you want us to be interested you don't want to be alone and you have a path for us that may take us down the street cross the world but we want to do it with you not in our own power in your name we pray in this media was brought to you by audio 1st a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more servant leader Visit W W W audio verse or.

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