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Logo of Tekoa Conference 2018: The King is Coming

The Great Decision: Who Should I Marry?

Brandon Taylor Sheretta Taylor



  • August 15, 2018
    5:30 PM
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Other heaven where we are so grateful that you have blessed all of us together here at this point in time thank you Lord for your many mercies that you have shared upon each of our lives and as we are talking about this very important topic of relationships and courtship and marriage so what helped us to just truly receive all that you desire to teach us I pray that you would block out any distractions that may come up Lord and that our minds be focused on just doing our utmost to hear from you on high tonight so please pour out your Holy Spirit hide my wife and I behind the cross of your Son Jesus that he indeed is seen and that we would be late in the US use us tonight Lord be with our brothers and sisters and may this be a blessing time of study together I pray in Jesus Christ name Amen. All right so before we begin we actually want to start this off a little bit interactive so bad. Yes I think you know back to school we have a pop quiz and we really want to interact with you all so we have a couple of true false statements and if you joined the online presentation you actually will get the opportunity to participate in the poll live so if you're online right now you can see the questions come up and you can participate live but if not then just record your answers somewhere either in your head I want you to pray pay paper and as we go through the presentation we're going to talk a little bit more about the answers to questions right OK So 1st question I should be physically attracted to the person I am going to True or false. Well that's one way of doing it so many answers out there we go but if you do have the app up and you're following along the presentation go ahead and click your answer on there and if you have it. All right if not. You remember what that what the app was now oh. OK yeah I saw it on my cell the link OK So there you go so you want to join in on the i Pod is that a light pole right now you can go to present tain dot com for its last love at home so present tain dot com for its last love at home and if you have a good camera and you Q.R. reader you can actually take a picture of that and come up with it yourself from there so presentation dot com for its last leg at home OK hurry so. We're going to give you a chance to answer the 1st one again if you want to join in and if not I will just go ahead and move to the 2nd question So 1st question I should be physically attracted to the person I'm going to marry true or false OK We got one so far and every girl OK you get a couple words that. Everybody's agreeing want every go 3 votes now all right OK there are a page my 2nd question I should look for perfection in the character of my potential spouse sure false. Wow OK OK All right I says to ease if the night. All right and I go home and try again it's all right next question choosing a spouse has nothing to do with my. Choosing a spouse has nothing to do with my salvation. OK All right next question there is limited information in the Bible about how to marry the one. What do you all say true or false there's women information the bio by how to marry the one. OK So everybody believes that we have counts so in the Bible and man so we're talking to a really really solid group tonight a man all right and our last question I am the only one that should determine who I marry. Really quick. OK. All right 5 people all in agreement all right it's the 1st time this is happened OK. All right very interesting So as we go through we're going to answer some of these questions a little bit more in-depth that we're going to revisit how we answer those questions very. Now the 1st question we have here on the screen is is it really that serious Can't I just go out and get married can just find someone on my own and get married take that next step and our response to that is actually embedded in a bit of a testimony you know when I was growing up I grew up in a church where we didn't talk about many of these questions many of these relationship topics and you know as I grew older and I you know began to get on my own in high school and so on and so for that sort of actually seeking out relationships based on not having any prior knowledge of how to actually do this as a Christian and so the lack of information that I had on how to even go about you know entering into a court ship and maintaining a right relationship with Christ and also having a relationship with a significant other the lack of that knowledge actually led me to seek relationships just off you know off my own inclinations my own. Understand my own limited understanding and so everything every decision I was making when I was entering into these very hasty relationships with other women you know was really damaging my integrity as a man and was also damaging my you know relationship with Christ and so I would actually answer resoundingly yes it really is that serious for us to have this type of conversation for us to discuss with one another as brothers and sisters in Christ how do we actually approach this topic of courtship of marriage and it's important for this very important topic is important for us to have this is a question tonight before even launching into the principles of maintaining a right relationship and you know how to express love with one another and you know appropriate way to have to talk about what are the qualities that we should be looking for in a brother and a sister in Christ for a relationship and one of the questions that we should be asking ourselves about our own our own hearts before we actually enter into that relationship. As you all look around in society today. You know the record is very clear that the divorce rate has been about pretty much very very steady throughout the past couple of years it's been about how about half of all marriages in the United States are pretty much some dedicated to be ending in divorce and that's a this is this is the this district say that 50 percent of marriages will and in divorce so Today that figure actually works out to be the one divorce will occur for every 40 seconds so for that the past 15 minutes you all can imagine just how many divorces there have been just already and in the span of a day a week a year so on and so forth so divorce rate is remaining consistent and it's troubling for us because along with that divorce rate what we're also seeing is a decline in religious attendance in America as well so I have a really insightful graph that I like to show here on the screen. It's great so this is 144 years of marriage and divorce in the United States and I don't have a clear go with me but you all can see here that we're clearly at the end of this graph and the rate of marriage at this point in time is actually lower than it was in the Great Depression so we're actually living in a pretty interesting time where we have a divorce rate this rating study which is in the orange and you have the marriage story that is also plummeting at the same time and on the next graph what you'll see is as that divorce rate which you guys saw from the previous side is going up or at the divorce rate is remaining steady the decline is actually taking place in people affiliating with Protestant religion so you see that going you see that going down down and then you also see the atheist affiliation going up over the past Same same year so if you look back there. And you look at this one here you'll see that so there's a correlation is taking place there that's very important for us to think about and for us to talk about because people are not understanding how to enter into marriage and so people are going into marriage very unprepared entering into hasty marriages not being ready for that type of commitment and that relationship is very susceptible to divorce and so when you have divorce in society taking place and the way that it is right now its impact is just so far reaching on the screen you'll see some additional stats here but this divorce problem even extends into the future relationships of our children so if you look at the 1st that here the previous divorce experience among married individuals is significantly reduced significantly reduce the likelihood of religious involvement later in life so after someone got divorced they were much less likely to actually be involved in a religious body later and their lives because of that divorce Point number 2 this shows us about the relationship that this has to our children even to our children extends to the children of those divorced parents and so we a study from the Public Religion Research Institute found that children of divorced parents are much less likely as well to be involved in religious or to have religious involvement so that percentage is up on the screen 35 percent of the children of divorced parents now say that they are non religious So this is not just affecting parents it's not just affecting children this is affecting society as a whole when divorce takes place it's a division that is felt well beyond just that home is felt in the community it's felt in the society Sister White has a quote that she says that the center of the church a center of a community is the home and so when you experience division in that home imagine the impacts that go well beyond that. So the far reaching effects of broken homes demand a more prayerful and a more careful approach to marriage and this is exactly why we're here tonight to speak about this great decision who should I marry there's a quote here like to read for us as we now move on into the practicality of who should I marry. If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage they should pray for times a day when such a step is anticipated is that the right side ever go marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. The majority of the marriages of our time and the way in which they are conducted make them one of the signs of the last days men and women are so persistent so headstrong that God is left out of the question religion is laid aside as if it had no part to act in this solemn and important matter now I know when I 1st read this quote I was picked on my own heart because I knew that I was not praying enough at that point in time as I as we lead as we were looking toward looking towards marriage and so I was convicted my own heart to know that I'm not taking this seriously enough you know the Lord is clearly given us very direct counsel that we need to spend time getting counsel from him getting instruction from him on how to approach our relationships and the and she even says it even further it says if there is any subject that should be considered with calm reason and an impassioned judgment it is the subject of marriage ever the Bible is needed as a counselor it is before taking a step that binds persons together for a life that's taken from Adventists home page 70 and that's why we're here to study the Bible tonight on this important topic to go into scripture to look at the examples that the Bible has for us the word tells us that the Bible was get these these examples were given for our own admonition so we ought to take these examples of couples in the Bible and learn from them and practically investigate how can we practically apply this knowledge to our relationships to our lives. So as we advance we kind of want to talk a little bit about the gravity of marriage and as my husband said avoiding this trend toward divorce that way same even in the church it all begins with choice there is so much information out there about relationships it doesn't take much to either look up a blog or you know be scrolling media and you're bombarded with messages about relationships and what it means to be married and just different images out there but most importantly as that cold side is that we understand what the Word of God says as Christians our council comes from the viable that's how we live and so we want to kind of walk through tonight some of the principles that we found in studying the Word when it comes to making a decision like marriage and who to marry. So 1st of all when we look at the Lord we understand that God created man for companionship in Genesis 2 verse 18 we see there that God created men and he did not intend for man to be alone and we can see the effects of what loneliness does in society and I don't know if anyone has ever heard testimonies or seen one who struggles with loneliness but it's a real serious problem and you know what while we may like to spend time alone or have our need time there's something about fellowship there's something about being with other people and having friends that are really bringing joy to our heart and hearts and that really helps us out and so number one if the companionship is important to God and we see that from the very beginning. I don't know if you want to read ever OK The 2nd point is also that God instituted marriage so when we're considering marriage it makes sense to go to the one who created it right and who authorized it in the very beginning he instituted marriage as a sacred union of a man and a woman again we may see different messages out there but from the beginning God is that marriage between a man and a woman and we read that in Genesis 2 as well verse 21 to 25 he instituted marriage between Adam me. So when we're thinking about marriage or thinking about you know who to marry this is an important principle to remember number 3 God ordained marriage in the beginning to be a lifelong commitment and God hates divorce and so we talk through all of those trends that we're seeing with the wars we talk to you know we see people sometimes getting married 345 times by from the beginning God intended for this to be a union that was forever between that couple things happen we understand that but it was never his intention for the sacred union in the bond between a husband a wife to me broken into and divorced but it's because of sin to sanction divorce under certain conditions. And lastly God designed marriage between a man and a woman to be a symbol pointing to an even greater Mary between Christ and the church and I think this is the most important point about marriage about relationships is ultimately is not about. You know why am I wake up and enjoy time with my husband or enjoy being together with them it's not even about that if our marriage is not pointing others to Christ if it's not allowing others to look at to look at us and be reminded of Christ's love for the church and something's wrong because ultimately it was created as a symbol to represent something much larger than ourselves and we're going to dive more into that in the future presentation I think it's Friday night's presentation you all don't want to miss that one going to talk about that very important topic because. This for me I agree with my wife and that is truly all about Christ you know as you read these scriptures and we have so much present to night so we are able to dive into these ones specifically right now but. As you read the scriptures you can just see Christ all over this creation of marriage all this marriage relationship you look at the way that God described how Christ how how man is to leave his father and to mother and to cleave into his bride his wife and you think about what Christ did in leaving heaven to to cleave unto us that of the bride of Christ that to come down to this earth to die a death you know that we rightfully deserve so that we show we could be with him for eternity so that truly is marriage right there and like if you're not seeing these principles reflected in your relationship in your marriage you really have to go to the Lord and say Lord why is that what what what part of me is not dying so that Christ can be seen in my home so that Christ can be seen in my heart so that's why I'm I'm very glad that my wife articulated that as such is that this is honestly the most important part. To understand the gravity understand the serious nature of marriage and that Christ is indeed the center that we are concert reflect Him that God might get the glory so this is important for us to establish before we even launch into the remainder of the presentation because when you're going out on you know answering this question of who should I marry you have to understand the gravity of it you have to know that this is not this is not games you know we're not we're not here playing you know playing with hearts like this isn't this is the type of thing where this is a serious serious thing so and that marriage is a sacred lifetime union designed by God to represent a heavenly reality and therefore demands prayerful and careful consideration of the potential spouse and so we want to look at 3 different stories in the word. That build on these foundational principles we think when it comes to making this decision not just should I get married who should I marry so 1st story I want to look at is just actually in Genesis chapter 2. Genesis chapter to we're going to start at verse 18 so open up with us in Genesis 2 to verse 18 I would just a quick reminder you have questions as we're going through some of these materials be at that I told you about earlier you guys can just type in you ask a question and it will pop up on us to us anonymously and we'll answer it you know as we go so feel free to also type it in on there if you like so we're going to Genesis Chapters to looking at verse 18. And really be too hard for us to toot too challenging for us to dive into all of the principles that are related to this type of decision but what we're going to do here tonight is really talk about the 3 foundational principles and these are the 3 founded as we are praying us who are studying of this topic these are the 3 foundations that you truly need to have in your understanding of we're going to appropriately address this question of who should we marry who should I marry that's a Genesis chapter 2 verse 18 Let's read on from there to down to verse 23 Someone referred us actually you have the Genesis to hers 18 to 23. And for something to restrain them. Amen OK so now Thank you Marie. Now what is a principle that we see here in my own volunteer to tell me what is the principle that we see here just from these few section of verses. What is it what is the principle as it relates to relationships you know choose you know who should I marry what's the principle here and I want to take what we see happening to our brother. Right. OK take it kind of a word he said OK hisses armoring. That's great yes God God brought that relationship about yes right. She was compassionate she was compatible and it's very good yes that's a point we're going to get into a little later on but that's a great one Yes yes my brother anybody else. OK so the principal there really jumped out from here and you guys kind of all touched on it in various ways but is trusting in God right for this very important decision of relationships trusting in God If we look at these verses we see here that act God showed Adam his need right as the true God showed Adam is he said that and verses verses 19 and 20 that Adam saw that there was not found and help me for Him So God already knew it he showed it to at he showed Adam his need and then when he laid Adam to sleep and brought about the fulfillment of that need of a filming of that companionship right so we all recognize here as brothers and sisters in Christ we know that we got created each of us with a desire for companionship with a desire for companionship and since He created each of us with that is our for companionship we have to have trust in him to fulfill that desire that we have in our hearts right so Adam didn't see his need for help me and go and try to create a helpmeet for himself right Adam is actually I love his point I was Adam's actually sleeping he was resting and I like to say he is resting in the LORD Well the law was making for him espouse right so Adam was trusting and in the hands of the Lord to bring about the fulfillment of the knee that he had. And I like to say what I found this point as well and you started to bring it out and God knows everyone he knows the hearts of all men so who better to trust than our creator to lead us to the right person if he knows my to my house or sorry if you know my and my house what I like what I don't like what I need to refine me and to sharpen me and he knows everybody else can I trust him to bring the right match for me I just love thinking about it that way you know a lot of times you see things about matchmakers and there's on line systems that are designed to kind. Matching to someone based on your preferences but before even all of that was created that there's right and he's the one who's the ultimate matchmaker is what I like. Him and some people might say oh hey i heard this trusting God message before but what does that look like practically what does that look like for me on a day to day life and for and to answer that question my honest answer would be that do the work that the Lord has set before you focus on the work that God has set before you and don't try to run ahead of the Lord to bring about the relationship that you desire and I think that you could we can all do that kind of heart check you know day in and day out when we realize that you know I'm actually shying to make my way happen and not really trusting in the way the Lord I'm seeking after a person that's very clearly not the person that God wants to meet me to be with and I'm not going to him for that guidance so trust in the lower because I know from the little bit I'm sure you guys know from the little bit I shared earlier I ran ahead of the Lord in so many different ways in my early youth as I was going out here seeking after relationship after relationship after relationship I was not anyway trusting in God and I saw how damaged my heart became from that and I just saw my desperate need for the Lord to show me how to actually do this his way right and so we we have to understand that do the work that the Lord has set before you and trust in Him Do not run ahead of him. That's right 2nd principle we're going to look at Genesis Chapter 20. Genesis Chapter 24 this is one of my favorite love stories of the viable for many reasons but we're just going to pull out a few verses here so if someone can read for me. Here's a couple of verses we're going to go through so someone can start out and read for me Genesis 24 Various one through 44 verses one through 4 it's Genesis 24 verses one through 4 so we have. All right let's read. Or. Thank you so quick summary of what we've seen these 1st couple of hours this is Abraham he's looking for a wife for his son Isaac as a what he does is he calls his eldest servant in his house and he's like I want to find a wife or as they please promise me you will go here to find him his wife make me this promise that you will only go here you will not go to these other nations around us to find a wife right so Abraham looking for a wife for his son must come down to verse 10 to 14 who like to read that for me verses 10 to 14. And a certain. Camels of the camels and this is not part. Of this master race and he rose when he was on to the city. And he made his camels to feel down with without violence water. Even the time that women go out to draw water and he said all the work God made of my master Abraham I prayed. Goodspeed this day and she cried this on my master. He will ask your mother well water and the daughters of the city out. Wrong water and let it come to pass that damn salutes my son say let out my pitch I pray that I'm a drink and she said and she shall say. And I will I can drink also love the saying. That I was appointed by certain lines and thereby I know that thou hast shoot on to my. Command right so we will continue in the story Abraham calls a servant makes him promise that he is not going to take a wife from the Canaanites but from his home country and so the servant sets out to do this and what's the 1st thing that he does as he's on this journey. He prays and when he prays he petitions that he says the Lord God of my master Abraham and so he recognizes the God that his master serves and as he's about to begin this very important task in this journey he calls on to the Lord and He asks him to answer his prayer in a specific way he basically was asking for the Lord to show him the woman that would be for Isaac through a servant's heart crisis should be willing to not just feed him water but feed a camel water and I don't know has anyone ever seen a camel drink water and though I have and they love water it takes a lot of water the feed the camel so he wanted to see a woman that had a servant's heart and so he petitioned the Lord to help him let's jump down to verse can someone read 1st 21 this is after he's at the well and some of the Bible records that is Rebecca that comes can someone read verse 21 for me really quick. So after he has his interaction with Rebecca the Bible notes that he didn't say anything he kind of held his peace and was observant to see is this the answer to my prayer is this the woman that God really has for my master's son and so internally he was processing what just happened in response to his prayer and so continuing down trying to highlight the most important point in verses here but I really encourage us all to study this chapter verse 50 and 51 can someone read those 2 verses. First 50 and 51. Amen so now we're at the point in the story where we're back in the servant go back to her to her family and they are talking and the servant chairs from beginning to and what happened that he was sent that he prayed and this is what happened in response to his prayer and so 1st $5051.00 is showing how they kind of counsel together and they were talking about whether or not this was actually a good decision to move forward with Rebecca going back to Abraham with the servant and so here we see that they said this thing proceeded from the Lord we cannot speak on to the battle of good behold Rebecca is there take her in gold so anyone know what will be will come a call this this would just happen here in these verses anyone have an idea. Not necessarily but is it it's a part of what happens with that so what we see here is a counseling together right so this was not just a discussion or one person going off and he's saying Rebecca you know you just answered my prayer come back with me he went back to her family and explained and then after hearing what took place they all said together this thing is from God. And then the last point I want to talk on this floor is actually verse 58 verses 5859 because someone read those last 2 verses from a verse is 58 and 59. And so alternately here they call Rebecca and X. or she's willing to go and she says yes and so after the counseling together that we see taking place in the previous verses Rebecca is then called and asked what would she want to do and she's in agreement to go back with a servant to Isaac and then the chapter closes with this very beautiful story of Isaac Rebecca love at 1st sight and they become one Amen and so what is the principle you think we're trying to pull out here in this love story you have. That that is I would say that's yes. Talk to the parents or is anyone else. You know. It's. Him and Him and anyone else wanted to. Amen So yes the principle is godly counsel So when we're considering making a decision to marry someone and entering into that covenant relationship godly counsel is so important here we see. Not just the wisdom of Abraham but how the servant acted upon the assignment that he was given and in praying to the Lord and how they consulted together as a family about whether or not this is something that was within the will of God And so it's so important to have that counsel and support we're considering a decision of who to marry. What. Is necessary but not just any council it's a board I just want to emphasize that 1st word there that the council individuals are going to pray as they give you counsel as they give you advice and that is who are going to get down on the knees right there and pray with you for your insight or for advice not someone who would just you know fire off their head you know and let let you know what they think but people who truly seek the Lord for understanding and counsel him and the foundation of the council are giving us the word of God and what does that look like practically This is why it's so important that when you are interested in someone or you are courting someone that you a lot you are in group settings and you allow others to kind of get to know the person that you are interested in whether at the church whether that be your on your family or for others to observe and to be able to see what's going on in the relationship so that when you come to a point of seriously imperfectly considering the next step they are able to give counsel before making that decision. Right. OK So the next couple that we're going to look at them we're going to move on into some really practical questions for you for you all to consider on this important question the next couple that we're looking at is Sampson and the 1st time women so let's look at. Let's look at. Another example of an example here we're looking at judges chapter 14 and we're going to be looking at verses one thing for their judges have to 14. So let's look at the Book of Judges should and I briefly mentioned this earlier but we find it's important to look at all of the great inspiring love stories in the Bible and then also the most devastating love stories in the Bible because it has has so much rich truth there for us to consider for us to talk about for us to study through so let's look at this example of Samson and the Philistine woman. In our 3rd foundational principle so judges chapter 14 versus 104 who can take a standard reading that for for us here and I want to give it a read Judges have to 14 verse 4 ever says one through 4. He gets tired yes I hear rather than back. Amen thank you my brother thank you so much Ari. It's obvious isn't obvious what the principle is here what do we what do we say What do you all say the principle is that we pulled out here from this sort snippet on Samson the 1st I'm woman an equally yoked OK All right that's one I hear my brother. Yes that's a that's a good one that's a go into. This one is really full of principle here but writer. IMO the. Main thing that they need to know that would be. I hope. I don't know what I mean by that would be I see OK that's a good point to the point out that this isn't a pair but. It's a little a cinch it was driven off of infatuation right yes so so far we've talked about trusting God talk about the importance of God the council this 3rd foundational principle is entitled avoiding impulse it's avoiding impulse. Marriage is that as we've discussed so far marriage is a sacred very sacred union and we all I'm sure we know that our feelings are are fleeting and we feel some ways some days we feel other ways and other days and so asked Samson was was was in touch with it attracted to this woman it was based on the way that she pleased his eyes if you look at that verse that that phrase there a member story of judges 14 when he says that for she pleases Me Well it's very sensual it was all yes ma'am right here. This. Was. Right. Right so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The the impassioned affections taking over the mind and. Judgment and exactly. The. Right. Path right. Exactly is not. Help any of us in here ever faced that where our emotions just took over our rationale our reason so even as even as immersed 3 as his. As asparagus were pleading with him he was so fixed he was already just so fixed on what he was. Directed to do what he was devoted to doing and the counsel that he was receiving even though it was God The counsel it was not getting through to his mind and we could dive into the you know neurotic. Reasons behind that but we won't spend time doing that here but looking at this practically what does that look like practically of voiding impulse asking for God to show you the real reason like why am I truly attracted to this person is it because I mean we have some friends that we've counted in the past and they try to say no the Lord is telling me to stay in this relationship and we're like well how active have you all been already in your relationship I say well we did this we know this are going on it's on to us and I'm like well this could explain why that tie that you have to this person is not being broken a relationship is not rooted in true sincere you know love for God and wanting to honor him in that relationship it's rooted actually in the emotional attachments already been built up between us 2 and individuals like my sister said by crossing those boundaries which we hope to discuss in the future presentation so yes a setting proper boundaries for yourself and singleness for yourself and courtship and even for yourself in marriage where I talk about that tomorrow night setting proper boundaries but this is how this practically gets applied to our lives this foundational principle of voiding impulse So yes so here we have a summer. And if you all have the that the app if you're following along you can actually get the science after the presentation so you don't need to take a picture of this but here's a summary of the 3 different foundational principles that we just discussed here so let's trusting God counsel avoid impulse and once again this is not all of the principle that we think is the foundation of making a decision we think these 3 are very important to consider. So now we want to do is kind of walk through some. Of the I'm sorry I got I'm sorry. Carol right now we want to do is walk through what we like to call the 6 relationships to consider when making a decision of who to marry the 6 relationships to consider you know OK Well before we do that we wanted to read this quote. Way every sentiment and watching every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny the step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life and should not be taken hastily while you may love do not love blindly and as I was reading this Call it was coming to mind so as I think most of you know in the room Brandon and I just had our son 1010 weeks ago. While I gave birth but yes. We have a phone to time we've said go and it's them funny because over the past couple weeks the number one question is What does he look like right and if it's like is it does he look like Daddy doesn't look like mommy not just that but as we're watching him develop and grow and the little things he's doing in his cries and all those things are like where do you get that from stuff from us from me you know and we're asking ourselves questions about where this child inherit what we're seeing so far in his personality and his looks and it's something to consider because for example I look at him and I see things even from our grandparents in him and this is so important because the offspring that's produced in marriage is the direct result of what you're coming into the marriage with and so when you're thinking about what you want to link the rest of your life with that's not just who you're going to wake up next to every morning that's who you're going to see in your children and your children's children in the future it's so embedded in it and I think this caller just soul important in. Been highlighting how weighty this decision is and considering the character of the person that you're interested in without showing an interest in you because it's not always you know on that side and so I guess I want to talk about the 6 relationships to consider. Relationship with GOD relationship with family parents guardians family relationship to brothers and sisters in Christ relationship in the home relationship with money one of the number one causes of divorce is finances and relationship with you and so we're going to quickly walk through some of the questions to consider in each of these categories if you're writing it down I'll give you a 2nd. Oh OK Oh yeah you're right it'll come up on the next it's number one relationship with God These are a couple of questions a brain and I put together that we think should be considered in making this decision number one do they have a desire to walk in Job culture to God and the reason we are starting here is because this is a center right God is the center for our lives is the center of our homes and so in considering a person the 1st thing we need to look at is what is their relationship like with God to even have a relationship with God are they seeking to draw closer to him every day what is their devotional life like. Are they spending regular time with God we had an elder at our church who love to talk about having devotion and one day he compared it to brushing your teeth writes in the morning when you wake up if you don't brush your teeth it's bad physical hygiene right we can all it's Has that it's likewise in our devotional eyes if we wake up and we haven't spent time with the Lord that's a bad spiritual hygiene and I know I can attest that when I just rushed to my day you know I'm less I'm more impatient with people I get irritated more easily and that sort of thing so what is their devotional life like are they spending time with God in the more regular time with God during the day do they serve or have involvement in a local church for ministry we are saved saved to serve right we are saved to bring others to the message that we have are they seeking to use the talents that they have to serve God or is it just I'm saved I'm not going to you know hellfire I'm good and that's it or are they considering giving back home and serving in a local church or ministry are they demonstrating fruits of true heart conversion right and so this comes back to seem the fruit in their life of the fruits of repentance right this is this is important to consider because sometimes we can we can see people profess with their mouths that they love God and that they have a relationship with God but the life that they're living is completely contrary to those words. Do they love God more than they love you this is important we do not want to be with someone who loves us more than God I say that again we do not want to be with someone who loves us more than God is someone is more infatuated with you and wants to please you more than God. Run the other way that is not the type of relationship we want to be in our devotion more than anything should be so please God and to to demonstrate our love for him before anyone else and lastly would we be equally yoked can we study the Bible together and agree on the fundamental Bible doctrine and this one is important because I read time we've gone somewhere presented. We always get the question should I date someone who's not in that should I date someone outside of the church we should never fails no matter where we go we always get this question and what we pointed back to. The word is it possible what you believe about the state of the dead what do you believe about the Sabbath what you believe about the 2nd coming and is it possible for you in the sanctuary as a possible for you to be with this person and being WANT TO corridor if you're not believing the same things of that about what the Bible teaches So we believe these are the critical questions to consider to keep in mind as you're serving the character of the one. That you may be into and that last point is so important for the fruit that will come from that marital union So if you think about just the raising up children in a confused home where you know let's say mom goes to church on an Sabbath and Jesse is home and watches T.V. and the child sees this like what example is being set forth for that child and in their mind is that we look at our son now and we see how he saw observant disconsolate watching us and seeing us and like you know now he's you know just looking at the following us across the room and just like really observing us and like for just really being attracted in attention to that and so as we think about like the way that our children follow us and look at us and watch us and take after us what example will be set forth if father and mother are not on the same page in their walk with Christ are not on the same agreement when it comes to this fundamental Bible truth fundamental Bible doctrine so that's why it's so important believe God gives us that count so that it is so important for us to not have an equally yoked relationships particularly because in Durante Texas 7 let's look there will quickly Deuteronomy Chapter 7 I'm looking at verse picking a verses one through 4. And I'll go ahead and read it just to save us the time here. Let's look at verses beginning verse 3 Neither shall make marriages with them speaking of these he the nations I this I make marriages with them daughter shot that daughter should not give unto his son nor his daughter shot down take unto die son for they will turn away die son from following me that they may serve other god so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you and destroy the suddenly so there's a wide impact when relationships are under looks like we are right will just continue forward and they'll get to go back there but when relationships are an equally yoked the impact that takes place in there we see it from the Bible Let's go to the next quote It's what you know there's no call those who profess the truth trample on the will of God and marrying unbelievers thing is his favorite make they don't work for repent. Just having a moment of silence to silence after reading that but just the work that goes into trying to fix an on equally yoked relationship is so heavy it's so heavy and it's just important to consider as even before taking that step so that honestly we don't have to put ourselves through something my God has already warned us against man. Second relationship relationship with family so what type of family environment this person grow up in where their parents married divorce was in a single. And this is not to shun one or the other but this is just a reality of we are the product of the environment that we grow up in and so sometimes we can see things come out in our marriage or in a relationship because of how we grew up you know we experience that as we share my testimony I grew up in a single parent home Branning grew up with both of his parents but you also witnessed you know tension in the marriage between his parents and so how does that paint the picture we have marriage to come into it in the way we resolve conflict you know the way that we communicate with each other we are the product of how we grew up in our family so that's something to consider here is someone who's coming from a close knit family and the person you're interested in is coming from a broken family are you Are you patient enough to deal with the differences that you would see there because it is going to be president that's something to consider how do they treat those who care for them throughout their lives what about you have. How do they treat those who care for them throughout their lives how they treat their parents or their loved ones what about their family in private what about their have this is important one this is an important one if you all there's a study out there a story out there that if you watch the way that someone interacts with their family pets and actually tells you how they might treat you in a similar circumstance if you see someone who's willing to. Beat their dog you know or beat their act aggressively toward this innocent animal that's not able to do anything for themselves think about what they might do and that's in a similar aggressive circumstance that you all might encounter your relationship you know heated a heated discussion or some something similar to that I think about that is why it tells you a lot about someone if they are abusive towards their pets and I just had to include that point there yes. OK. When that case the average I guess you want to put I want to apply across the board but if you see someone being there to be their animal being their pet then you you know you should be alert alert to that. They want to point instead they place on family relationships so is their family important to them or is it just I don't care you know I could could care couldn't care less about them that's important to observe as well because the way they treat their family can show you can be an indicator of how they will treat you and the family you are trying to start to get them right and we don't want to these questions to become like a checklist that you all go through and like evaluating someone's character then I bet these are questions we encourage you to take before the Lord and really pray for his earnest counsel I mean some of these questions I think about it and like it really brought out you know some important truth for sure right and I to discuss even before we became married even before we took that step so many of these will be conversations that are taking place not necessarily decision points as like oh this person is now off put off the list because they don't want to have any type of relationship with their mother or their father and you know we don't want to be treated like that but take these in you know in prayer before the Lord and ask for his instruction on just how to proceed with these considerations and discussions that conversations Yeah. Because one of things we like to say when it comes to courtship is this is the time to talk talk talk talk talk and find out everything about the person and so this is a way to just find out across all these categories just more about the person. So long 3rd relationship with friends brothers and sisters in Christ or they have healthy relationships with others in the body of Christ this is important help healthy relationships. I know different stories of friends who experience things with other people in the body of Christ and it's just not a pretty picture and so what does it have if he's a male you know how does he interact with his sisters in Christ is it. In that sort of thing or if she's a female vice versa so these are things to consider how do they relate to others are they open to having a relationship with those who are important to you. This is critical. For him and I'll just share a quick personal testimony but like I said grew up in a single parent home and I don't really have a close relationship with my father and so Brandon is not accustomed to that because he grew up with his father and so he came in you know my mom and everybody else and we're going to be like OK I want to meet your dad and I'm like. Not in the negative way but it's just like he showed an interest in me and my father I never brought it up to say like I think you should be my father because there really wasn't a relationship there between us but he took the initiative to say like yeah you know let's have some lunch and he went out and met my dad and the same thing when he wanted to propose to my father even though you know my father was really my life he thought that was important and so how does the person you're interested in showing you know interest in the people who are important to have people in your life whether or not you have a good relationship with them. That's important to consider as well. Relationship in the home is an important one here relationship in the home Question number one is what would be the influence of this person on our home and future children so this is an important point to consider to pray over and to really ask the Lord for guidance is as I look forward to a couple of years maybe having a home with this person would it be pleasant would it be would it be a place where Crisis welcomed you know I mean the other questions kind of fold into this when you know you can look at the questions on your relationship with God and kind discern with this person lead out in or with this person be interested in having family worship instead in the Bible together as a family and you think about that in relation to this 1st question is with this with this home with this person be pleasant be inviting to the Lord be a place where others will come in and also be blast and that's an important point to remember question number 2 is what this person Hender elevate my service to God with his person and her elevate my service to God So as you all are are talking and discussing is the attitude of this person when one towards serving crys one towards living a life in servitude to Christ in the surrendering self day by day and striving to just cold labor with the master or is this person you know really seeking after their own ways really desiring to do their own chart their own path and their own life and also with what that influence be to you and as your spouse question number 3 would God be pleased with this person and is my spouse and this is a topic we're going to get really into this on Friday Friday evenings presentation. Would God be please because ultimately we're not here to please ourselves I would talk about that the beginning we talk about that you know in previous presentation we're not here to please ourselves we're here to call or 5 God and so would God ultimately be pleased with this. Person asked my spouse Question number 4 does this person have an understanding of a God given roles in marriage I'm going to pause here on this one because I remember back to our courtship days and she right and I were having discussions about you know the roles that we felt were important to our marriage and to our future home and Sharada growing up in a single parent household you know she had an understanding of the roles in the in the home in a different way then you know the Lord might have desired for it to come about in a 2 parent home and it does that's just what happens when you have division in the home when you have a father who's not present and you have a mother who's doing everything around in the home and then you know sure how to be honest in saying that she had developed this very you know independent type of personality with her and I go out and I'm a do it I have to do and you know and so it's up like she's from Brooklyn so you know. You know so she had this personality about her that was very independent and we had to talk through that no we had to understand that there are some things that I'm going to desire to do as the man as the you know husband of our home and you know we had to talk through those different conversations so did do you all have a proper understanding of the God given roles and marriage from Scripture and what a marriage because person fulfilled the purpose of marriage and represent the relationship between Christ and the church so if each in Chapter 5 verses $3132.00 we've got to commit that to memory you guys get we've got to study that together we've got to make sure that each of us in this relationship understands that this is not about us right this is all about reflecting reflecting price and also a question or sign a question this is the 5th principle I believe relationship with money and this isn't and this is important for us to talk about because actually what I mentioned earlier money problems and money fights are the number one cause of the force. In America when we had a fight against divorce in America we had to fight against that so we wanted to make sure this was an important relationship for you all to consider in the question of who should I marry is a question of one Do they have a knowledge of managing finances do you all does this person understand the importance of maintaining a budget and you know calculating your you know your see your spending throughout the month in your income and just making sure that everything matches up in your we can't really go too deep into this money topic but this is important to address from the onset What are their spending and their saving habits I would also add in here what are their spending giving and saving habits so do they are they are broken or do they regularly tie the church are they also giving in other ways to other ministries and supporting other individuals as they are able to are they generous with the blessings that God has poured into their lives what is his or her stance on living with that this is one too because people might get married and think that I'm content with you know having my student loans or having these personal loans or having this car car loans and I have no intention on paying them off anytime soon well that's going to make for a very unhappy situation when you have another person who's very aggressive and getting out of debt if they're in debt and staying out of debt to the best of their ability so we really got to get on the same page with understanding finances from the Bible we can't go there today but understanding finances from the Biblical perspective and does this person understand does this person understand the importance of honest labor does this person demonstrate habits of laziness so the workman is worthy of his wages right so God is not desirous to be a lazy people so we need to see does this person wake up with a desire to go out and to serve and to do their work and to be fervent in giving their effort all that they can to each day or do they kind of are they lackadaisical and just going about life. As it comes and woe is me and you know so and so I really have to analyze this person characterize Sr White Road and council weigh every point of character does this person understand the importance of earnest labor art or to move on to an important thank you try to an important quote here is a Sister White giving counsel to a young man and he she asked she says is she in a common an economist or will she if married not only use all her or her own earnings but all of yours to gratify a vanity a love of the parents are her principles correct in this direction hashi anything now to depend upon So this important question of finances it is it is so crucial for us to discuss 1st a think about that question as it relates to who should I marry and also lastly the relationship with you i do we work well together as a team marriage is indeed a team effort my wife and I like to call it that and we think back to Art days of courtship and as we were putting together these different You Tube videos it was challenging us to work together to you know she had her own vision of how certain things should go and I had my own vision of how certain things are going we had a talk and kind of to rough it out at different times and like you know. You know a lot of friction there but we learned to work together I think that we talked about that just recently we said that we work really well together I believe it's because the Lord blessed us during that time to get that experience of you know working together and question number 2 are we compatible do we adapt to each other's individual does position this is an important point missing that for everyone because everything is what put in but each of us understand as we come into that marriage we're still going to have our own individuality we're not going to give up our. You know we may give up some you know. Inappropriate tendencies or habits but we're still going to have our own individual personality and that marriage and so are you as a person willing to accept that person's individual disposition that person's personality not trying to change them but expecting them for how they're presenting themselves to be and trusting in the Lord that they're going to continue to grow in his grace as you all move forward in your relationship and question number 3 last one here percolation ship with you does our current relationship increase my love for God This is one that you all really have to address in your in your prayer that with the Lord is saying as I'm in this relationship with this person it's my are my affections being more driven towards this person or more driven towards Christ and loving him right and I have this example that we often do where we are it's like a relationship triangle basically and you have the one individual on this end of the triangle. On. One end it on the Senate. And the other the vigil here and then we have Christ at the top I wish we had a demonstration of this the years have to go with our hands but as each person presses closer towards Cryos what happens. They were ultimately will get closer together right and it doesn't work if you do it the other way so if you do the other way you don't actually get closer at all to God So if the relationship piece elation to peace of God is so important does this person increase my love for God and going off of this position a question that we have that there are those who are not willing to adapt themselves to each other is this position so I asked on Boyd unpleasant differences in contentions should not take the step but this is one of the American sneers of the last days in which thousands are ruined for this life and the next. It's a very important thing to consider especially because sometimes when life brings about stress if you can just do with how a person is and how their personality is that just bring even more attention than doorways for conflict in America to insult some poor and to be willing to adapt to how a person is. And before she goes to the next site I was going to say at the root of it all this next line is really what's most important at the root of it all we've gone through the 6 relationships that you all should consider at the root of it all is a need for self reflection as you're looking to move forward into this perspective relationship is a need for self reflection sure you want to walk to the question yes so we should look within ourselves 1st and foremost is what I'm searching for rooted in the Word of God So we talked a lot about the principles and that we also talked about just what to what to think about were to consider what this person and ultimately we have to X. ourselves and my looking for X. characteristic or X. thing based on the Word of God or something else and that's something to really flesh out especially been exposed to movies and books and a lot of fictional information out of there that can paint are understanding of love and marriage and you know that sort of thing we have to. Ourselves what is the root of why I'm looking for this where is it coming from in my interested in this person as a spouse with personal selfish reasons. You know I know someone who. Was trying to get to know one of my friends and it was pretty much because they were in ministry work and they just wanted someone to come along with them it wasn't really because they were seeking to please God it was just basically to have a trophy person on their arm right and so that's something important born to think about what is the ultimate reason is am I interested in their salvation and I interested in them drawing closer to God am I living out the characteristics that I'm looking for in another person so if I say that I want someone who's honest and my ominous if I say that I want someone who's tidy and neat and I might hide in the we can't have these expectations of other people were not even living up to it ourselves and then are there any areas from my past that I would need to address before welcome in someone else into my life through a close intimate relationship this is so important we talk about healing we talk about moving forward from brokenness so traumatic things can sometimes happens in our lives and we don't even see the outcome or see the effects of it until later on I'll be transparent and say I have that moment with you know Brennan postpartum there was something that I realized that I went through when I was a child that was affecting the way I was today and so sometimes actually not even sometimes I think is so important to really spend time praying in these praying for the ward to show you these areas where you still might need healing from anything that happened in the past before getting into a relationship because something it gets very complicated once you're ready involved with someone to kind of go through the healing process and so you know it's so much better to do it when you're single when you can truly focus on that connection with the Lord and. Not having to kind of figure it all out with you know husband or child or other people in the picture to care for so that song Born to consider the how things in your past can be showing up today and lastly do i have self control temperance. Am I able and ready to support a family and I know branding likes answer this question for the men. In terms of you know when is the right time to ads for a woman's hand in marriage by our Am I ready and able to support a family that's important to reflect on and consider is all and so we've shared many things. So we don't want to sum it up and skip past this call for the sake of time we don't want to summon up any given next steps or what we would encourage you all to do walking away from this workshop what we want you to consider and keep in mind yes because you know there's a lot of information that was shared here tonight that questions that we went through and someone may be in the position where they've heard all this information like all right what's my next step what do I need to do next from I'm here I've heard this like what are the or the next things I need to do so we're going to invite you to take these next steps here that we have on the screen which is number one surrender and put your trust in God for the future of your relationship. Each and every day we have to wake up and pray that prayer Lord let self die so that Christ may be lifted up today self pass to die each and every day and so as you pray over this question of surrender and putting your trust in God Lord help me each day help me today especially to live out this trusting is abiding trust in my creator knowing that it's not my plan is going to work but is his plan question or a point number 2 is spend time in prayer about this step towards marriage before making any decision Laura says If any man lacks wisdom. Let him that him ask of God right we have to spend time just as that 1st quote said earlier today just as that 1st quote said we have to pray even more earnestly as we consider this step towards marriage as we consider the step towards starting a relationship that might possibly lead towards marriage point number 3 is to study the Bible to continue to learn God's will for marriage and what to look for in a potential spouse Charette and I were recently just going through the Bible and studying different bible couples and just trying to glean as much as we could from these different bible couples so looking at Ammerman jack about looking at you know. Looking at these different couples just to understand like why would the Lord give the account of their relationship in such a fashion so really studying I mean we encourage you to do a study on the Bible couple to see even the good in the bad and ugly to see what is the Lord print what principles of the Lord have for me and these couple in the Star story of these couples and how can I apply that to my consideration of a potential spouse. Point or for it to receive godly counsel from others who have been through this experience before and so pray and ask the Lord's Prayer to show you the people in your circle and points who you can possibly go to to consult with on this important step who can pour into me who can pray with me who can pray for me who can give me advice or just instruction on taking this next step who's been there before and also is tuned in with God on this council and lastly point number 5 is to develop friendships amongst others on the same journey for encouragement accountability and support you know God never intended for us to do this alone shredder and I can both a task to the moments in our lives we felt weak helpless and hopeless and just desiring you know comfort and instruction from the Lord and it's really. Having those brothers and sisters in Christ happen with people you can look to for accountability for support through this journey that will keep you you know by God's grace pressing forward so at this point in time we're going to close in prayer and you know if there's anybody in here who. Who the Lord has placed upon your heart that you know you need to surrender you need to put your trust in him we're going to pray a special prayer tonight for you and a crasher to raise your hands or come to the front and back but just know that we're praying for you this evening and we're acknowledging that this is a very serious matter you know many people in here some people here may be happily married and so many of the material that we've discussed here tonight may not have been directly a political to you but there are other brothers and sisters amongst us who may be struggling privately with these you know conversations with these you know circumstances and they really desire earnest prayer and support from their church family from God So we're going to pray at this point in time I'm going to close all right so let us pray. Our loving father Laura tonight's topic has truly been a a blessing to discuss with our brothers and sisters here we recognize that this step of marriage sort is not going to be taken lightly and you've given us marriage here as a as a symbol and are pointing us to that greater and that greater union between Christ and His Church Father I just pray that all that we have discussed here tonight all that you desire to teach us will truly be planted in our minds that it not only just becomes knowledge but it becomes come birching now which to our sort is that we walk away as change people for your glory so that our prayer special prayer over those who are currently. Seeking help Lord they want to know how you would have them to go about this important step of their lives they desired to be married they want to have that companionship but are not sure where to start so that I just pray over them and I pray that you would comfort them the US send your Holy Spirit to be near to them and to give them the wisdom give them the direction that is needed for this important stage of their lives Father I pray as well that you would give them comfort and hope in knowing that indeed you know their need and indeed you will bring it to fulfillment and your own perfect time father maybe trust in your ways for we know that they are far above our own ways in our own thoughts I pray as well for those couples in here that have already entered into the territory of marriage and are happily in love with their spouse or I pray for them and for their union and that they would take what we have discussed here tonight and all that you have placed upon their hearts and they will continue to share it to encourage and pray for others as they go on their journey themselves to keep us Father as we go into this evening may this convocation truly continue to be a blessing to all of us and they are Holy Spirit speak to us in a very individual manner. Here and Now we thank you Father we love you and we praise you for all that you've done and all of us you will continue to do for this is our prayer in Jesus Christ in. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermon or leave a Visit W W W audio verse or.


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