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Called by Name

Clifford Goldstein

Presenter

Clifford Goldstein

Editor of the Adult Sabbath School Ministries Quarterly

Conference

Recorded

  • December 31, 2009
    9:30 AM
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thanks for the opportunity to be here I consider it a privilege and I suppose that your spiritual guide and what I say the name of Jesus I pray amen I was raised I was raised in a Jewish home but that's right you want to start again present one simple thing I'd forget where I knew I was raised in a Jewish homeland it was really a very secular home and my folks were pretty much very secular and believe in God and we really never talked about it much and and I was very much raised postmodern maybe not even knowing the turn and I was basically raised with the idea that there is no absolute truth truth with a capital T some kind of transcendent truth you can have your truth and that was your truth you could have your truth and that was your truth and it didn't matter if you look at it logically and he contradicted each other because there was no sort of Archimedean point there was no point that you could stand above and ultimately John truth is relative it was cultural but was subjective not absolutes and this was the way I was raised this is the way I was educated and this is what I strongly strongly believe now I don't know what it was from the time I was young I always always had an interest in philosophy and an interest in into some of these questions in Houston with Paramount reading philosophy and on never forget I was about twenty years old twenty one here's all I was sitting in a pizza Pollard at the University of Florida in Gainesville and I was eating a pizza drink and much to say non- Adventist beverage was a reading of philosophers and Spinoza and I can think of I can't think of anybody like they just got it all wrong now I'd say it was Spinoza but I read this guy and he said something that changed my life I'm waiting in sitting there and he said in order to live the most perfect life upon the earth you need to find out the reason why you're here and live your life according up for some reason why now I know recent accolade when those words when in my mind like the police model will blow Bonnie just like tobacco she has and it went right in and suddenly all that subjectivism and relativism all that stuff and I have been raised on any industry just got wiped out Chris was like here I was sitting at the table there was this pizza sitting on the table in front of me now you can have a thousand different people they could've each one had their own explanation for how the pizza go there some items that the God margin created the pizza so minus the aliens came and dropped it in a flying saucer some incredible believe that evolved out of a you get out of thousands of different people with a thousand different news news that they would die for or killed before they get us started religions over their belief on how the pizza doctor and maybe every last one of those views were wrong maybe every last one of the most wrong but it didn't change the fact that there was a pizza on the table somewhere out there in the universe somewhere out there there happened to be an explanation for the origin and purpose of the pizza that explanation I will do whatever it was wherever it was that was the truth about the pizza that it's still a number was twenty one years I'll never forget that moment just suddenly we step back from the pizza I just looked over to my editors in reality an address at the moment me just as there had to be a truth about the pizza itself out there there had to be the truth the truth that explain the existence of the world the existence of the University -year-old just explain everything and whenever that was that was the truth the capital T I can't tell you when you shot anybody were lucky just noticing some kids sit there you know they have what it was earth shattering moment for me because I what's the big deal you're making the house could've told you that I do not than raise the way I was ready you could understand when a life-changing moment that was for me and I'm never forget it was night Jean I was the mid- nineteen seventies I was I said I was twenty one years old I will never forget it was at night and I was walking through the streets of Gainesville Florida the streets are realizing that truth have to exist never forget I just felt this burning this was almost people because I thought if it were so simple because the fact that I realize that truth have to exist didn't automatically mean you couldn't deductively full format that I would ever know what that truth okay anyone can automatically fall into the other but that will suddenly realize this because I need truth happens if I thought to myself if it were certainly possible if it were humanists and almost as campus I was just a thought I just have to if it were humanly possible for me to know what this truth was I thought to myself I wanted to know what I think it where it led me what it cost me when I have suffer what I had to give up I thought if I could know what I wanted to know what no matter what he is doing them it's almost painful this burning inside me know I know this about three years later and I'm going to get into all sorts of different things in Gainesville I went through my Marxist phase and I went through this and that and all the different of all the different ways I could have gone about three years later I ended up becoming a seventh day Adventist 's remarkable for a lot of reasons because first of all grown up in my life over finally new one seventh Avenue is my whole life I only know one another some used to smoke pot together I understand I does have a happy ending I probably would have time don't think you about thirty years later to get a happy ending for that but that story does have a happy ending but plus two in my life there were two kinds of people I used to hate us any questions and I'm serious I used to hate vegetarians I was so carnivorous I was selling to eating meat that nightly vegetarians was all I could do it take myself from spitting in their veggies and I was so hostile to it but anyway now my animosity go towards Christianity was a little deeper seated though because even though I wasn't raised a religious I was raised to know what you are I was raised on the Holocaust for most Jews secular Jews that their religion the Holocaust was just so bitter over all the persecution gone to the Jews in the name of Christ to go through the head century Crusaders rolled into Jerusalem dread knowledge is put in a synagogue burnings the synagogue of the ground when the Jews are inside a lot why these Christian scientists to Jesus Holocaust abnormalities Christian countries like people I went to church and rolling and then with all all this and I was so hostile against Christianity I hated Christianity and I've been in my anger out there used to be this hell fire and brimstone preacher named Jed Smock and Jason Marquis economies of travel writing you to implement I don't like it but can certainly tell the story for years and then one day I got on YouTube showed him Jed Smock and kids students are rats and mice of that was me thirty some years ago they were this preacher used to come out on the campus and extent out there with a Bible in his hand to start preaching hellfire and brimstone that I would just get in the center of the circle I did on that very few of them if I got arrested for what I did to this guy enemy fire and he used damaging them my son 's soul to hell once e-mailed my soul to hell the house and finds it was a charismatic least put his hands on me and speak in tongues that has deems enemy start drooling and writhing on the ground in Iraq and this is what I was a show eventually my friends nicknamed the goal is and what is not their horizon I got this one on for a couple years need any this one was no hope for me I like this one on for a couple years so I graduated University of Florida in Gainesville and at that time in my life I one my life I start from the time I was probably ten or eleven years old I knew I was in the anomalous grounds can be nothing I just got writers and editors and novelists in my family and I just knew I was in Vietnam listen I have started a novel my senior year in college and before long this novel consumed me and that I cared about was writing my novel in all I was an English major creative writing major and outside of some poetry courses it was just a pain in the neck I wanted to get college out of the way is all I wanted to do was work on my novel so my senior year my novel consumed me when I graduated the University of Florida Gainesville and I went back home to Miami Beach which was where I grew up and grew up in Miami Beach I went back to Miami Beach was back there working on my novel for a while I decided to go over Europe and work on my novel linear and a lot of traveling Europe when I was seventeen I save my money and bummed around Europe and North Africa when I was nineteen I miss my way around the world literally just in our hostel London Nissen added CLI it's amazing how far you don't mind sleeping graveyards and in train stations how cheap you can travel him out from the hotel room I don't have a remote for the TV I'd freak out but at nineteen and seventeen you can do what you want a lightweight I decided I don't want on my part my novel to take place in Europe somewhat over Europe to work on my novel in Europe to have a little bit of money left over from school I go over to Europe on hitchhiking around England and went one actually blues nothing at all they actually wound up in a Catholic monastery on an island off the coast of Wales I was there for about two days in the months through me off not and in all that either I went hitchhiking around England and I need to get settled to market all I want to do is work on my novel I decide this is a earlier ship I have lived in a swing I had friends there I was I had become fairly fluent in the language is unable to sleep so I hitchhike to the British coast and I think about from England Holland don't I get the hall instead hitchhike up to sleep the whole time on each evening when it's raining on me and you get the hotline I mean it rains Warren Holland and arrange the name and get off the gangplank and so walking down its cold and walking down the gangplank and there's a guy ahead of me with the backpack in the back of his backpack these assignments is Greece and I said that I said hey no less I think recently Sonia and I think I'm on Sweden health needs snows swing site about the guys hanging religion agrees and he says he is in our letter coincided so online outlets are trite batteries together sausage like that I changed my mind so instead of the outlet side of the road were on the other side of the road were hitchhiking to Greece well two guys in the rain with backpacks doesn't make for good hitchhikers resolution is little reason for inevitable to split up and I just assumed me on my own anyway so I ended up occasionally for long hard hot days and I find up hitchhiking the guy walk-through this was the woman with the Communists I think I walk through Yugoslavia in a thousand comment after four long hard-fought days I wind up in Athens I have friend who at college to Elizabeth as any said to come to half his come visit me name I get you a job twenty after four days on the road and just burned out exhausted I think that happens and I get to this guy 's house and I knock on the door him a lady comes out and I asked for my friend I safe on this is fondness here and she says fine is still here pharmacy in Miami I let out a way out I guess he felt sorry for me she gave me a meal and an hour later on back down the streets of Athens I have no idea where to go what I'm going to do I mean I was still slightly depressed gaming in my biggest problem was asleep that night so finally I just found some bushes along a wall as I'm honestly so I take my sleeping bag I laid my sleeping bag out the bushes along the wall and I go to sleep and that night I had the dream I do not understand something about me at this time of my life I was just a hard-core philosophical materialist if everything in the universe could be explained for regional atoms atoms in the void everything had a little off physical explanations for it in how everything in our village my dreams depend on what you eat for dinner do what your genes to whether you mother breast-fed your lineup when your baby otherwise I had no belief in any supernatural or any of me I believe all the typical if I have what I would call an a priori commitment to materialism which is just everything at a naturalistic explanation try was not anybody to take dreams or anything is anything other than you know what I ate for breakfast and jeans and so I have a dream and I'm sure that I was sleeping in the Bush admin then I went that I woke up and then I ensure that I went to Israel took a look at what's on Israel and work on my novel on a kibbutz in Israel you don't blitz is not in all right there like the sales figures like self-supporting places oh trust me there were many religious kibbutzim but if this sounds boring places in the taken volunteers to bridge the work on my novel that was my dream when I went I wake up and I I cried my sleep and that I think about the dream and I think I that's not a bad idea and I'm never forget a lot remember the details right across the street was a travel agency and for some reason I remember that the signs of the travel agency opened at nine o'clock and identified that over I go to the travel agency and I printed ticket to Israel and I flying to Israel and to three days later I'm on a kibbutz in Israel working on my novel just as I had joined because I said nothing mattered to me other than working on the novel by Moskowitz and my love I work thirty hours a week and all the rest of the time was mine and I could start a new justice warfare human click is a washer closing a cafeteria I had plenty of time to work on my novel so monitor all seventy of them we can do this in the darkness was okay yeah anyway all and I thought I'm very happy among the kibbutzim working on my novel and then obligated to to details to details and you might wonder why am I giving you these now but they come in importance later when I was on the kibbutz I had a blonde Danish girlfriend her name was Tina just remember a blonde Danish girl named Tina plus when I was on the kibbutz I was working on my novel I lived to read poetry we say I if I really wanted and inspired I learned how to write I see people reading poetry and I just bet that was a thematic about poetry read read read poultry was one book of poems by this woman named Sylvia Plath probably had more influence on me than anything I had written in one point is when she goes she gives her kids cooking goes against cookies and milk those rights this palm and English on the kitchen sticks her head and other gases are self skills are socialist heavy stuff but this stuff out of whack on the Java runtime detail and my girlfriend nineteen wall anyway I'm back from him on the kibbutz LMAO and while and who should show up but a group of like twelve fundamentalist Christians from America then there there evangelicals their dispensationalism they are there to become a silent witness to the Jews because you really think Armageddon the middle eastern of two hundred million Chinese are you come and eight Israel in an alley arming in the church 's rapture in an hundred and forty four thousand Jewish verges are going up reached at all levels the amount is so and Dawson initially but they are serious and they were there to be as common to witness to the Jews we often assume ordinary size geography never admit it but that's with you that they were therefore when I was furious know here I was I was in the Belize of the first Jewish state since the bar cock a rebellion like he gained one thirty five nine and a bunch of Christians here well I have a lot practice harassing Christians that our friend from my time with that preacher while I laid in the van and it and it got so bad they really were very good workers and worked hard to get along with the kibbutz next the Israelis that well anyway I got along better now but with the Arabs on the kibbutz workers and ended with the when the Israelis eventually the Israelis were threatening to throw me off the couplets him along why are among starting tick me off the island so now the Israeli Jews are from Africa but I just backed off and left the people long because it made quite a stink in a way that the trouble but I was causing with himself I just backed off and left him alongside his wanted to work on my novel anyway a number of months go by this guy shows up on the kibbutz that there is one thing in my mind that was worse than being a Christian was worse than these people believe in Jesus it is one thing that was the worst of the worse it was the lowest you could possibly be it would be to be a Jew who believed in Jesus and his Jewish guy shows up as part of the group was a believer in Jesus right now this was different this was different ball of wax I related to him and I gave him such a hard time but now this guy was different I thought he was very very intelligent and I couldn't put that together I just couldn't because seriously I believe that the Bible was nothing but the rantings and ravings of a bunch of needy written camel herders who got tired eleven these things stolen idols around the desert on their camels so they made up some notion of some guide that includes the setting was one named law way that was a religion of the Bible it was late bronze age harder me ranting about how I was taught I cannot understand how I thought any educated intelligent person understood this and it was a very intelligent guy and we would get these discussions and it would give me some very logical answers at times I will never forget one time I got done with a discussion with him going back to my room and on the in him first time in my life I can still remember the moment it was the first time in my life I go back to my room look up and I think he maybe there is something mom are some big daddy up there it was like it was like the first time the thought entered my mind one way my scope I just use one working on my novel and they had one night on the puts the couplets forward and party poorly mastered FISA law and in traditional Judaism forward and is a pretty wild party I mean it's some analysts are pretty wild passionate people dress up in masks and handouts pretty much anything goes well it was a plan for hiring a wild party and the Christians went to the party the next morning I see this guy this is very logical rational intelligent guy and identification process on how come you Christians didn't go to the porn party can't never forget this guy as I said logical rational intelligent even the face and he says we praise the Lord all week and he told us not to go and that just totally freaked me out because I said to be honest with myself I couldn't write this guy some holy role in screwball that I just don't do that he was doing enough assignments face it someone believe you know let's face it okay that's nice and everything is okay but I can't honestly with myself with this guy he was a guideline to do was live in the hat and I just think I was suffering and for the call him a sense you have an answer for this item that you were going back to my world and almost wanting to meet my head against the wall in frustration because remember this was a post pizza Polder to design the seeker for truth no matter what low anyway I did everything I got over it he is yeah got over ninety over these real fast then you have been on a kibbutz about a year all that mattered was writing my novel and I finally decided on going to go to Europe and work on my novel in Europe which I originally intended to do so I left the couplets and I just hitchhiked up through your unattended up going to the Denmark and in the middle of the Copenhagen in the middle of Copenhagen there had been dispatched military barracks and the military had abandoned the barracks like years earlier and it was this big hippie community the squatters they moved into this place was called Kristen the and it was like there's an alternate community right smack there in the middle of it all very liberal Copenhagen in Denmark Scandinavia with us was now hippie community in there I think half the drug addicts and have to refuse you know it and fugitives and so on I don't but today was the one line summary wasn't buying from a heroin overdose of me I remember the place differently when I was there once before and I get there it was really a hellhole just Islam just Islam right in the middle when Johnny Damon is the wattage run this again I said people were dying out heroin overdoses and on strike at the displacement someone I was in a different part of my novel there and I just didn't remember it is being so skanky as it was when I got there anyway any idea on their two days walking through this club 's front to check the time here when I make sure I don't visit the store are you long you stay within the data within the timeframe of the courtyard is one screen I got over and there's some guide being on some woman she's on the ground and stop an early sketch entered often think I want to get involved Nancy and I got enough my own problems but in him walked in behind eighty seven -year-old enough to remember the Kitty Genovese story in Albany what I just said I think I cannot do something I mean I got some conscience in on his guys anonymous girl I ever been as soon as I walk over he stopped speaking honor and she gets up and she runs away something that I did my good deed for the day okay so I start walking away well the next thing I noticed was strung out little junkie but unwelcome land annexing I know this guy turns around and just sucker punches me and just punches me right in the mouth slammed me right in the kitchen the lifetime not in army mistakenly fifty four years and I barely got got you now I've never gone away a whole lot while a little more now not very good very imposing obviously here when I was in college I used the box I used the box is not only not honoring but on the back of the punch is bad for our times with reflections the little drunk he punches me want to think twice I just turn around global boom when the victim to the shots it was down out out what happened was when he hit in the mouth he hit me in my head when planned my classes went on and on I needed that I try to get LASIK they went into laser toning my eyes are so bad I squint to see five things in front of my face misguided to me and I can't find my glasses so I grabbed him by the head hold him by the head inheritance and find my glasses on my life as I get my glasses on I say look again I was a marriage counselor or something in a him however I think is wrong on the ground now that was a mistake because I got a bad knee and a bad back as I woke up today my back is killing me so this goes back to my from my counsel is that we might need in my back to guys outside the fact that I end up later just get to build purple lip from where he punched me why got me moving your settings are strung out junkie if he would've been anybody know don't want chapter place inside your mouth or broken my job what are the different anyway anyway the bottom line is he gets I thought monarchy gets up and says under peculiar man he pulls out a knife and blasting or bulbar sumac in a fight somebody with a knife and also I want a phenomenon and its does my knee and my back that's the last thing they need and it's like a Keystone cops under Allentown police held our state 's educational system I got out of the blue the cops come and take us out of the station and the bottom line is in our the concert as well according to Danish law the knife wasn't long enough to make an rest okay so the bottom line is and backed out on the streets my niece killing me my back skill in the art artifacts swollen with scared to death of the strong a little junk in general consensus can finish the fight but that knife and stick a knife in my back Jonathan Martin Wallace 's things aren't going particular well for me okay then on top of it I have a friend I had a friend who lives in another part of the city who I met leaders early under such bizarre circumstances and you have a hard time believing everything am telling you today I tried to get into that how bizarre that was I still never able to put that together this guy was a very wealthy part of town in the sky with us and the sky was deep into the occult deep into spiritualism I mean it was creepy that apartment was creepy everything about that place was me I forget I would go there and this guy would get in these twenty stupors and sit in a chair and stop the Lisa books and candles at its weakest in any way when he sure is getting the surely Salinas reads any stop and amusing when someone has discolored eye meanings of different dating urinate in his pants and he never get happening it was still sleeping in on this poor guy I don't know what to do for this guy desperate so I will do you'll think this guy needs a thing to say to him something I never thought about you I say that I will never forget this was the freakiest part on them so as I say the name Jesus he stopped and he stops than he looks up at me with one okay I don't get the one line in the status of why and he says twenty years ago I asked for Jesus instead I got the devil could help files under that man I don't know the difference Jesus Buddha Moses and good to ferry with all the same to me it was announced totally secular hard-core secularism with all this evening but when he said that to me I just got the devil out of their shoulders because I figure that's so freaked me out that when he said that he and I left I left Copenhagen and I traveled enough I had been wrote savvy enough to know you you can go to the moon you don't get away from yourself that you take it with you but I was getting so depressing so I left that place I get the Paris and I want to live in Paris on the Paris and on top of my knee hurting my back hurting I mean distance depression from that guy felt this heaviness on the past I don't know anybody personal issues unstrung on the bottom line is run out of money and in the monomers I'm going down down down down at times in my life I was twenty three it was a only time in my life I said okay there in that situation so what do I do can do is you can only you can tell yourself that it was the only time in my life up to that point but suddenly that's where I was and were looking there was the Eiffel Tower and the fat in my mind about jumping off the Eiffel Tower is a skydiver that's only messed up my knee and my back skyline will go out in style and his foot and I know that was an Eiffel test for insisting on jumping off the Eiffel Tower this artifact kind came in the back of my mind and not that thought-out and I thought was hanging on because maybe this Jesus stuff is true an event as soon as I have that thought I curse myself I should ask you and I remember the song clearly look at you your whole miserable pathetic life you always hated religious people you looked at religious people as we people of all they can't handle the hard knocks of life so that her little invisible bunny rabbit that they said their prayers they would neither make that their prayers and I felt better in the correction made on and on and on me I just put me want to spit in their faces I knew I had so much disdain for this soon so she soaps sold yet I'll just just as a way to get the point blank but anyway I can and now the first time in a miserable twenty three means you feel like you can't handle it better than Salvesen got some religion or something like that no way I was too honest a seeker for truth to reach out and bowling ally not how good the line made me feel sorry I'm just that I said no way I wanted truth I wasn't go to reach out you know and do something just because it made me feel better I would rather jump off the Eiffel Tower been squashed dead like a great big consciously live a lie the matter how good the line made me feel how never forget it was I can still do some of these moments some clearly I can still remember not it was one of those on whether I should consist up in the sky or not I don't but I don't remember but it was one of those I said that I is there is there you have to yourself and don't want to unite your water and alive like that when you drop bread out of the sky now all you do all the stock is there if you exist have to reveal yourself to me have to give me a sign to show me that you exist otherwise I would never believe after and when that I left Paris and I went back to Israel and I went back to my old complex I plan convincing I have decided to get back and work on my non- is all about is working on the novel to get blackmailed Kibbutz will the Israelis would not let me back on but it's okay Tommy how they were not let me back up I'll find another one I want to work on my my desk and I told Christians what happened and I told that Jewish believer what happened I said look I said you know you say you believe in always faithfully I normally would that is of ancient Egypt in on enough faith of your God is Scottish on itself to me my friends of the US team will to find a great whatever I left the kibbutz and I decided to go on the go to the main complex office in Tel Aviv and get assigned to another another Québec which is somewhat applicable to knock on the doors ahead I get assigned about a Tel Aviv and off I go into the kibbutz office measurement of the desk and as a guy sitting next to her was ahead of me to get assigned to the blitz and I'm waiting over here and I look on the desk I happen to look on the soft gun the desk and I see a sheet of paper has says my name Clifford Goldstein I thought was the star to steer interrupted the woman who was talking to the kid in front of me and I said to the woman how does you know I was coming she says on the Hawaii light on who you are and I pointed a sheet of paper Clifford Goldstein which analysis mesas and jumps on this at all that's why my name is Clifford Goldstein okay now Clifford Goldstein art it's not it's not the most place on the most common name in the world but then again I wasn't and I was in the neck okay I was in Tel Aviv okay I sent a class where you from because I grew up Miami Beach and I when I was a kid go I told my mother that story later she said that we used to get pediatrician bills to our house for Clifford Goldstein for appointments that I absolutely must have the same pediatrician when we were kids anyway he's there he wants to get assigned to a couple and I said Cliff I got complaints for you I said that while the bullets tell that your name is Clifford Goldstein and then you come from Miami Beach and you see what happens as host of the complex don't I take a manually gamy vessels what I don't any more room than our whatever but they take him in what you write about two weeks go by and on I'm running around Israel like a chicken with his head cut off get it together and I decide on the middle back to the states in the home I got back to the kibbutz for a visit and of all the different rooms they had put the volunteers Clifford the scene was in the same room that I had been when I have been on Google so I left months earlier and there were two beds in the room and sleep in the same bad that I had when I had been on the couple 's okay and I'm bringing it inside the neck of people are coming on this one they were sent in their and I'm talking to him next to the bed above the bed there was a bookshelf I don't want books on the bookshelf I left Israel to hitchhike of the Democrat left all the books on the show and traveled around traveling around with no change underwear and another in our own change of shirt I traveled very lightly so I left all the books on the bookshelf and I look and I see a number of my old books on the bookshelf and I said hey Cliff you like my books and he looks Muses were you talking about he said those are all my books and I said no way I said only and I'll never forget I split up and I reached more the volume of poetry by Sylvia Plath remember I told you this was the book that had impacted me I used to make people sit there and listen wow when we find a product and give a rip about it in hours and make them listen why I read Sylvia Plath poems to the same author same title same addition same book but it wasn't my book it was his book and I looked at him and I said Cliff are you a writer and he says yes I'm a writer and I've come to Israel to write okay then man was still not done then we're talking seminars at the door this girl walks and from Denmark and discover who he says Cliff Hill never guess what her name is her name was Jean okay I contend this is exactly how it happened hey now but again I do tell people this story trust me how to be there best me I would be making okay and I guess I remain everybody was kind of freaking out with Christians were very cool though never forget this one sent to me he said Cliff you're asking God for signs he says men what more do you want he said the Lord is calling my name and when he got back to me never forget I stepped outside I stepped outside and I'm thinking about this and thinking and just think you're right I said I got to show me a sign and not a coincidence this jobs the incidence of the students than what was appealing was the first time in my life I kind of looked up I looked up in the sky with a little bit a reference with a little bit of fear because of that move I just I knew there had to be something like the author for these Christians whom I harassed and harangue the holy year we were like cattle three hundred yards from the Jordan River they think of the setback was a takedown the Jordan River and a bathtub usually they give me a Bible I fly back to the states and I got back to Gainesville Florida now the only problem was I was really no more born-again courts okay I may meet my uncle was heavy I knew I knew there had to be something else out there at an important lesson to you all my animosity towards Christianity those Christians treated me so kind and so lovingly noticed the other day I even called one of them on the following statement signal to this day to break down in tears my talk and said the matter how obnoxious and Nina was that people never stop loving me and that probably did more to breakdown prejudice to me against using anything I have a theological arguments of the world join now Jesus on the front and I been baptized okay but I know I came back to the states I got back working on my novel and I have the Bible and start reading the Bible but if you're not united when I couldn't get past the Talkin state snake in him thank you so nothing really changed the all that mattered was working on my novel dominant backtrack a little and then come back when I Denmark whose in the cult I went back to Israel so I said I lay down one afternoon to take a nap and I lay down I felt a strange though tingling in my code that would role opposite side roll up and I feel the subject it was loud pounding on the vibration in my head I had the sensation am going to was there you will have my sights set on me I was a kid and wonder that wasn't never happened before was not comfortable and I came back to the states and the same thing would happen the tingling in my tile limit and can interest you know that if I was being torn apart and assist myself next time it happens don't fight sent back in the states after all that happened when I lay down one afternoon tingling in my toes in the whole spiel and then I feel the pounding in my head I said don't fight it don't fight it and the next thing I know some push I feel myself right out of my body I remember going right through the beans right through the ceiling never seen the beams of the roof and the next thing I don't hover in the air in this great crackling mist outside the apartment of a couple of friends of mine who tried to get me into Google one how raunchy okay now please understand I am a hard-core Seventh-day Adventists today I understand today's press how perfectly mind-body duality I don't even begin to understand understand perfectly the vaguest idea how it works the point is I don't I know there's oh such thing as a separate immortal soul okay I am not I understand it that's great but at that time I have no idea nothing could convince me that that wasn't my soul leaving my mind I thought now now that's happy that's real maybe this is where the truth is that I've been looking at the call spiritualism so the next day I decide to go the library to get a book on the occult and spiritual start studying this was so sad I think that you have the Bible but nothing I had no relationship with God amino acids don't have to wait my battle I knew there was another realm after you set like this you know even more there's something else out there is no library to get a book on the occult and as I'm walking all over I store the job market was desperate enough I didn't know for job writing work vegetarians of fire whatever and this guy comes out of a health food store is as close as knock on the door he cannot I mentioned something that I'm into what it meant or said something is within a health food store system about religion are not equally hopeful stories are told about these occult experiences and he starts warning me about seeing Montauk neo-Nazi man it's like I got back I talked to my family about seeing how many federal beer on economics like Satan as this book to enhance new book allows the reader parts of the book back to the library to get a book on the cult start practicing and I get the book and I actually sit down I wasn't in schools I couldn't check the book out and I sit down there I read the first chapter of our practice the first technique I never even tell people what it is I practiced the first technique of this occult stuff and I wanted to put the book back because I could check out to make a long story short on walking through the Bible and literally in one hand for the first time in my life about this book on the cold first life of November to begin a look at this seriously everyone and anyone is in my other hand I walked until I got the book that the guy handed me in the health food store called Theodora and whether you think the other book the great controversy is the only rough and I'm telling you I'm telling you folks I did are I was Google has as to what was going on okay enough talk about walking on the razor 's age talking about anyway anyway about managing nights later good time at work about one or two nights later nineteen seventy nine the fall in nineteen seventy nine on walking back to my room sun is setting welcome back to my room the work on my novel but to a half years and my mom nothing else matter to me I was twenty three years of amino 's only thing that mattered to me in my life was that book summary would've threatened the foreign page I would've fought with my life I had nothing else because I didn't care about anything else they just think that's what I believe in God I believe in Jesus while I know all this if there was another realm there I knew that it was in the outline of hard-core materialism I was scared of American back to my room but that was it that was where I was that I knew there was again you know something else I come back to my room I sit down and I date myself on this as a manual typewriter cake as I told the story before people assumed it was a computer and they didn't know what the big deal was but I sit down in front of his manual typewriter I put my finger on the keys start working on one and at that moment as real as anything that ever happened to me the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ came to me on the Internet interested I knew exactly who he was nevertheless I know exactly what you want and he said his worsening work that you have been playing with me long enough that here's the most important word in the whole him and him because the whole time this is happening to me am aware it's my free choice in the idea of free will and free choice it's exceedingly complicated philosophical debate all I know is what I experienced that night and he said you want me tonight over the non- simple as that and at that instant he shall meet the novel that was my God pure and simple that was my God legal and institutional leaves no other gods before me because I realized I didn't have to do it if you want me tonight over the novel I think that please let me just finish this and all give my life to you if you want me tonight burn the novel I said that please write all your glory if you want me tonight burn and I said God please let me just put this away when he was in another time if you want me during the book and I remember just jumping up and bursting into tears and running out of money during the novel Exodus slit my throat easier than burn them off I had everything and let my friends related reason is the reason I put in the book control my life it was I was a slave to it it was my guy is okay and that was about but all I had anything but the block images and worship is going better than it ever been in all the time that I was much literature about the beam is important that you be unwelcome at that time to get in that but I am back into the streets is no way all the stops and him walking through the streets of Gainesville these are the same streets to Gainesville at night and I walked for when I walked out of the pizza Paller a couple years earlier saying want to know truth no matter the cost the number that no matter the cost and now like to have three years later I'm confronted with the cost of like the way I think I could not burn the book anyway is an endless stuff and I never forget to hear these funny little details and we stay in my mind I finally I stopped underneath the street lamp tonight I can still remember in our bugs fly around the lamp and the casting shadows on the ground why I remember that detail considerable to all this stuff and then finally I say okay God I say I want you and I want truth then I want this book but if you want to burn the burn it for me because I can't burn and the instant I made that she once don't recall everything depends on the right action of the will the Institute I mean that's a little God might not divorce but I did sort of feel this kind of cool whip around my neck I was using them I said okay God I want you want I want the book at the moment barn from the moment I made that choice instantly back twice around my neck just famished and that my exactly what was going to happen I have no idea was a sinner it was a sinner and let a look at you like you are adhering monitoring I had no idea about the atonement the carotenoid and nothing at all the only thing I know about Seventh-day Adventists I know I know I be about anything I mean totally experiential not unlike and not whenever we just all having no idea what was going on I went home 's living room is willing to burner hotplate that my mother had given me a distance a vain hope that I actually cook some him why did I think that my manuscript I was twenty three years old when you twenty three to half it was to have years of my life in a twenty three in Altoona now two and a half years but back then I had nothing else I took that manuscript two nine years of my life and I put on the hot plate and I turned the switch and burn enough and that was the night I became a born again believer in Jesus and I can honestly say I've are an anomaly nineteen seventy nine and now never for a moment have I ever been sorry that I burned it and I wanted to try a few loose ends together these stories about these people elect their pandemic now these near-death experiences they died in a heavy sensation about the Hoddle and around the body and their floating around the net stunning meet their dead relatives all that that was the exact experience I had I wasn't anywhere near death I'm convinced that was the influence of giant Denmark that Satan and his religious but definitely he thought I was getting interested in spiritual things unconditional they were supernatural hallucinations released near the Fitchburg juvenile stupidity saving relatives so what else could they be straightened out and see the devil saw I was getting spiritual I was looking for something and it was his last-ditch effort beautifully overplaying his hand on me because range the secular way I was the belief in the demo to see after that folksy I know I know I mean is not in all the subtlety of sales spiel I mean I know it in ways that I just now I want overtime after thirty years interest I got involved in my next rescission which was a horrible dreams and then you really see if I like the him novel those eclectic screens is never came back to the devil was trying to yell and I decided away and all but I'm convinced on a number in that novel that night that would've been it when I do what happens is my probably be doing for the occult and New Age movement is that he writes in his occult appearances stopped that preacher I used to her rest Jed Smock he came back to him and I walked right out he found his here we go again only this time I witnessed with him the people in the crowd many of them who remembered me as heck and had I just want to wrap this up with this one final thing am I doing that novel that night when I run a novel that night of three more these today and tomorrow my a writer and an editor public speaking is like pulling teeth agony okay where was only in the most important point is that when I not novel that night I realized I might not ever write again and I'm telling you writing this and that mattered to me was the only thing I had the slightest talent for only thing I had the slightest interest in me all I can do I'm around the house I'm useless my language mean a hammer something in the mail I mean I I I I get to shake Sam's need of Valium I hate tools site hey I decided I just want to read and write and add more than I realized I might not ever write again in my bison but that's what it took I died that the entertainment of the health through the health store the abaci came into them for about two years I didn't do any writing at all and then one day the door opened the writer Laura at was for the journal health and healing you know that we'll never guess what the topic was vegetarianism and I and I started writing and I had stopped writing since and I think that's out of the moral the moral of the story that's the moral of the story while there's a lot more we go to but I want to close with prayer and again enough there was nothing evil in his eye on the south of writing the book argument written twenty books since the butt it was my relationship to it and I think the thing we need to be careful off the lesson that I take from this is the value can be intervened on a church in the middle and all the right things but you can have something that is not itself and of itself isn't bad and the enemy and what harm they would beware be a stone statue statue of the fish went in an apartment it was when you bow down and worship it and I think we need to be careful and we laugh idolatry well you know I was just those superstitious paintings but idolatry could come in a lot more subtle forms then we realize and maybe maybe there's something here you're clinging on to your clinging onto that means more to you than what I shatter to think what would've happened had I not burn the novel that night I'm convinced the revelation of God was so strong to me that night had I not learn the novel that night I had no way knowing this I want to limit the power of hi I think I would donate within a lost soul I don't think there would have been any turn and back I just it's scary to even think about it but the bottom line is in the end maybe there's something maybe there's something were clean into a little too hard and that's what we need to pray about but let's pray that I thank you again for the opportunity to share how you learned in my life he took one sinner one seeker and you answered a very sincere prayer for truth unless I believe I you brought me into this church into this truth I know very few of the people here and I certainly don't know any of their hearts you know them Lord you know their hearts nobody young people and the enemy of souls as it were two very easy to deceive to be deceived and were warned through the word to beware because our enemy goes around like a lie sometimes these much more subtle the serpent in I pray that he'll bring conviction to anybody here there clinging to something or holding onto something maybe in another itself isn't that bad but it has become an idol I pray that your spirit to bring conviction or might not be with all the bells and whistles and everything that I went through which I need only cause I was so stoned cold hard everything but the fact that the Lord shows your spirit is moving on them and that your touching them and I pray that you will bring conviction but if there's something that needs to go that you bring the conviction to limit at whoever it is and whatever it is they will make the choice to surrender that to you in the name of Jesus I pray again to use my audio verse fourteen license generation of Christ are you would like to learn more about Jim I see please visit www. energy lifestyle that God will review like this more free online service please visit www. audio verse more

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