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Logo of ASI 2019: Business Unusual

Painful Past, Eternal Opportunities

Melinda Skau MD
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Melinda Skau MD

Medical Director, Feather River Tribal Health in Oroville, California

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  • August 2, 2019
    10:45 AM
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Here's 2nd Corinthians 98 And God is able to bless you abundantly so that in all things at all times having all that you need you abound in every good work I do not think that God minister have hopeless lives because we have some instant happen to us in childhood that's negative God says we've been established anointed and sealed 2nd Corinthians 12122 we've not been given. It's coming in from a screen here let's get. OK OK We have not given a spirit of fear but of love power in a sound mind 2nd Timothy 17 we are born of God and the Evil One cannot touch us 1st John 518 we are seated with Christ in the heavenly realm efficiency to 6 I want to my favorite verses and we know that all things work together for good for those who love God for those who are called according to his purpose Romans 828 all things all things you need even that thing in my path even that thing especially that thing the worse it is the better the opportunity for God to show his glory through it. So aces 1st began to be discussed around them 1998 when Vincent a physician from Kaiser Permanente did a complex a Weight Management Program women were losing up to $300.00 pounds in a year on his program. And then he noted something some of the clients that were the most successful at weight loss suddenly began to gain the weight back faster than physiologically possible and this was a mystery to him he didn't know how that happened so he started interviewing the clients and he would hear the same kind of stories over and over again some event happened in their present that reminded them of some tragedy from their childhood and they do what a media gain all that weight back kind of a protection a layer of fat around them or maybe they take up smoking and smoke 4 packs a day and make a cloud of smoke to keep people away so Vincent 40 thought this was very interesting so he and Bob on are from the C.D.C. interviewed over 17300 Kaiser patients and confidential surveys in interviews and they have the advantage of being able to look at the Kaiser charts up to 20 years of health records and see what kind of adult illnesses did people have who had a high trauma scores in childhood. So the quiz that they gave was a 10 point quiz and you can go the Internet to Ace's dot com or dot org And and download the 10 point quiz of adverse childhood experiences or there's a wonderful talk by Dr ne Dean Burke Harris which is a 16 minute TED talk if you google TED talk aces it'll probably come up as the most frequently viewed talk that explains A says Dr Dean Burke Harris. And the 10 things on the quiz were 3 kinds of abuse physical emotional and sexual so did someone hits you you know were emotionally abused were you sexually abused 2 kinds of neglect physical or emotional Did you not have enough clothing or food as a child or were you totally unloved. 5 kinds of household dysfunction did you have a parent with mental illness did you have a relative who was incarcerated in prison in jail was your mother treated violently. Did one of your parents have substance abuse alcohol or or narcotics or some methamphetamine or some kind of substance that kept them from being available to to effectively parent you and were your parents separated or divorced while you were a child so all this is questions of what happened under age 18. The study population was a Kaiser middle class population 70 percent of the people studied had at least some or all of college. So it was in the ghetto Aber Hood where I grew up the scores be much higher there or in Butte County where I live now. But in that population 64 percent of the people had at least one adverse childhood experience 28 percent of the people surveyed reported physical abuse and 21 percent reported sexual abuse the other thing they noticed was that cases cluster if you have 140 percent of the people that report one ace will have 2 or more and one in 8 people actually had 4 or more ace it's. Not uncommon in my practice in Butte County to have patients that have between 6 and 10 aces. And aces have a dose response curve to disease the more aces you have in childhood the more adult disease you have and the postulate is that when a child is traumatized. With an adverse childhood experience their body puts out this quarter's all Catacomb in response that puts them on a long term they get post-traumatic stress disorder and those children are always hyper vigilant they can't really study or learn so they have disrupted neuro development social emotional and cognitive impairment and some of them have adoption of health risk behaviors that are negative like smoking and drinking and inactivity and eating too much. They get more disease more disability more social problems even if they don't adopt those negative health risk behaviors and they're likely to have an early death. This slide shows that if you have 6 or more aces you're likely to die 20 years early around age 60 instead of around age 80 I'd like to just go through one case study that was presented by Dr Alison Jackson in a TED talk it just illustrates what we're talking about with adverse child experiences at age 18 months Henry was in the household where neighborhood watch volunteers heard a drunk dad yelling but the neighborhood watch volunteer said oh that's not really our business at age 2 and a half his preschool teacher noted that he was very aggressive in class and his mom had a bruise I but again they were were about teaching preschool were not about what goes on at home. At age 5 Henry had a life changing negative event he was standing up stairs in his house and he saw his dad towering over his mom his mom was in a pull blood for big police officers broke down the door took his dad away to jail took his mom to the hospital put Henry in a squad car with a little bag of his belongings and he went to a strange place where he knew no one he entered the foster care system over the next few years between the ages of 6 and 11 Henry did poorly in school developed a huge case file of misdemeanor notes from school did poorly in the foster care system and even when his parents lost their parental rights no one wanted to adopt this difficult you. At age 11 Henry's foster dad was threatening to hit his mom Boster mom and it brought up this search of a memory because that happened to him at age 5 and he wasn't ever going to let that happen to someone again so he slammed the foster dad and was taken away to juvenile detention now I see the Henrys in my family medicine practice and I I see them they have high blood pressure and morbid obesity and alcoholism and tobacco use and maybe C O P D chronic obstructive pulmonary disease from their smoking you know in their early forty's they develop diabetes from their morbid obesity in around age 50 that heart attack and around age 60 they have a fatal stroke and die 20 years earlier than other people. So just kind of a cap off summary there are 5 behaviors on this chart and and 10 physical and mental health things I'll just read through them that happen after child is abuse they may happen in adulthood that is lack of physical activity maybe they're fraid to go out if they're have a bad neighborhood. They may smoke they may drink they may use drugs they miss a lot of work they may have severe obesity diabetes depression suicide attempts sexually transmitted diseases because they're looking for love in all the wrong places heart disease from all that stress that quarter zone Catacomb in response cancers strokes lung diseases and broken bones more broken bones in adulthood so you know the 1st alcohol use by age 14 is increased 2 to 3 times if you have a high score. Each a score increase the likelihood of early drug use 2 to 4 times so if you have a score 7 you're talking about 14 to 28 times more chance of being a drug addict than somebody has no ace and if you compare a group of people with no A's as well to a group with 5 or more aces the group with 5 or more aces are 7 to 10 times more likely to report illicit drug use obesity is much more common particularly if someone has been physically or verbally abuse they weigh about 10 pounds more and have a 1.4 relative risk of being obese having a B.M.I. of over 30. Sexual risk goes up there's an increased chance of a girl having sex by age 15 and thus unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases like we mention auto immune diseases go up you probably all know someone maybe you have an auto immune disease yourself died is multiple sclerosis rheumatoid arthritis there are so many auto immune diseases and compared to people with no aces persons with 2 or greater aces have 100 percent increased every manic diseases related to the auto immune system and heart attacks this one really grabbed me because aces correlate more powerfully to heart attack risk than the traditional responders like high blood pressure and cholesterol and smoking. So there is high and there is more of a liver disease or more cancer there's more depression there's more mental illness post-traumatic stress disorder suicidality this charts shows the suicidality in the in the population with no aces about one in 100 of those people may attempt suicide some time in their life but in the population with 3 aces 10 out of 100 people attempt suicide some time in their life and if you go up to 7 aces 20 out of 100 people attempt suicide highly related to adverse childhood experiences so why should we have conversations about adverse childhood experiences Well then civility said in one of his lectures that as a physician would give that 10 point quiz in their office it takes about 3 minutes and only asked the patient one question How do you think these things that happened in your childhood are affecting your current health he said that that cut their disease symptom scores by up to 30 percent. No I have not seen a study proving that but it seems to me that I've been doing this in my practice because it doesn't take much time and and for some patients it's like popping up temple nobody's ever asked them what they've gone through and we've been asking the wrong questions what's wrong with you that's not the right question the right question is What have you survived what's made you more compassionate and why is a strong person so it's an opportunity for patients to share their stories and it's an opening for spiritual care and better health choices so we can do this with our friends and our contacts too just listening to their stories so you can ask questions things like what gives you hope what gives you meaning comfort strength peace love connection we know that connection is the cure to addiction in our medically assisted treatment program at the river Tribal Health or in the medical director we don't kick people out when they backslide on their drugs or alcohol we increase the contact time we have up to 5 hours a day of massage and exercise classes and a therapy pool and. Behavioral Health and group therapy in private they're in so if they're messing up they need more connection so when you listen to people story listen compassionately listen with both ears and your heart and keep it confidential and remember that their story doesn't define them so you might ask them some spiritual care questions do you have a nice appeared spiritual support system has that ever been a part of your life was there a spiritual community when you were growing up. And what was that like for you because if a child was in a church where the pastor was molesting them they likely have a negative picture of God. And if they had a father who was mean and violent they're not going to see God as a loving father and one of the best things we can do is just really love people because we're an example of God to them when they can't find God yet. And I might ask them Do you pray and just prayer help you would you like me to pray with you now one of my favorite tax is God saves or tears in his bottle and writes them in his book he records our wanderings and oftentimes if I have a patient who's in distress or a friend that's in distress All right this text down on a little sticky note and give them one of my little bottles they're cheap on mine my son's brings them back from Egypt when he's a missionary there but it's a comforting to many patients will just cry and hug me when I want to give them this 1st ask them Do you like poetry and if they say yes all read them that poem. So if you talk about races you also need to talk about resiliency and resiliency is how you back how you balance back from the traumas How do you survive and how do you get victorious after the trauma and there's a couple websites aces to hide out or a C E S T O H I G H dork and resiliency quiz dot com When I think about resiliency my poster child is very beautiful and professional and talented Elizabeth Smart she's a harpist she runs ministries to protect women and children is very active. She's a mom and wife. Elizabeth Smart was abducted and she was 14 years old on June 2002 from her quiet home and Utah and kept as a prisoner for 9 months and horribly emotionally and physically treated and when she was released at the end of that 9 months her mother said to her these people have stolen 9 months of your life don't they don't deserve a moment more and so smart says she lives by her mom's advice to move on and find happiness she's making the conscious choice to define herself by who she's become rather than by what happened to her it's not what happens to us that defines us. So resiliency also involves substituting negative coping strategies with positive once instead of the alcohol and the drugs and the overeating and the smoking and the inactivity we substitute things like. Outdoor activity and a beautiful nature exercise massages hydrotherapy good Christian music and classical music prayer scripture Ah scripture so powerful reading it listening to it memorizing it I think I had a huge turning point in my spiritual life when I started memorizing Romans 8 with my proper manner of living and we would memorize that what we want to what we drive in the car and you know just ask each other verses and it made a huge difference in Roman say you learn how to live by the Spirit instead of by the flesh making that choice. So and we also have a conference that we do a couple times a year once in Portola and once in. Chico and then they're now starting it and human Nampa Idaho and other places called Hearts being healed and we bring people in for a day and bring speakers who have had traumas in their past and have overcome them by the grace of God and show their journeys how God works with them and then there's an aftercare program for that which is the Bible study we use the workbook treasures out of trauma Barling Hendrix and if anyone wants to look at that workbook Afterwards they can come up and look at a copy. It's available on Amazon dot com treasures out of trouble so I want to see these childhood adverse experiences as nearly events moments in time they are transient they're temporal like a glass of water that splashes splashes and it's then it's not happening to us now. But the meaning may last a lifetime if we allow it if we choose it. So we get to choose who we allow to set our meaning and I would like to propose here that the person who sets our meaning is gone and if you Google who of mine Christ it's long pages versus you know God has done so much for us we don't need to define ourselves by something that Satan meant for evil in our lives so in the resiliency literature they talk about a caring adult if there is a caring adult in a child's life who comes along side them when they're going through trauma they have much less negative outcome from the trauma so I would like to propose that Jesus is our caring adult and Jesus is not limited in time he is the same yesterday today tomorrow he can reach right back into the past. Jesus says I'm the way and the truth and the life so same as a liar and if you're having negative feelings or ruminations about negative past that's not coming from God Satan is a liar he's come to steal and kill and destroy but Jesus has come that we may have life to the full so I like to think of. Satan's messages as post it notes there just posted notes and they had barely sticky glue on the back they don't need to stick we can ask Jesus to take off all of the negative messages oftentimes there's messages attached to the trauma like I'm not good enough it's my fault never get it wrong I love a bull you know all kinds of negative messages and we can ask entre remove those negative messages that say and tries to post to us so we can choose to base our identity not only things that happen to us but on the person that God says we are. So I want to talk about a concept called mountains and molehills so the mountains are the backdrop of childhood trauma in our past but the molehills are the things that come up in our daily life that flare up our emotions so for me that might be a bad outcome with a patient or I'm stuck in horrible traffic and I'm late and that Satan wants to define me by that oh you're always late you know you're just lazy or or you're not a good doctor or you know Saint always has negative messages he wants to attach but we don't have to accept those we can choose God's messages for us and I'll tell you a story that illustrates this well I took a speaking class with a famous speaker and I was so blessed by her she came around at the end of the weekend and whispered in my ear of all the people here you have the best chance to be a professional speaker if you want to be one and I never even thought of speaking in public before and it was just such a habit as anyone ever blessed you know it was just such a mazing Grace on my on my head and years later she came to my church in another state far away and she wanted to take a picture with all the people who had ever taken her classes before and she wanted me to stand in front of her in such a way as to make her look. Now I want to look so that triggered something in me and on the way home I began to sob now I ask myself in on a kind of prayed about the some of the homeless like on God why am I crying about the way somebody asked me to stand in a picture that's out of proportion out of proportion to the event so when something happens in our life and it triggers an emotion of anger or distress or fear or sadness that's out of proportion to the event we need to spend some time with the Lord sitting without emotion so our temptation a way to stuff that emotion to go it's an extra car or go go on Facebook or whatever you know your typical thing is to drown emotions but instead sit with that emotion and ask the Lord about it so I just kind of talked with all the innocent What is this about and and and I said I was expecting her to nurture me and she used me. You know I expected her to mother me and the words said to me that's a little bit of an interesting expectation you want to strain your stranger to mother you and I said well I don't have a mommy I lost my mommy the day before my 18th birthday and then I began to cry so that that emotion was really related to the loss of my mother at age 17 day before my 18th birthday my mother committed suicide. And so that little emotion that came up with disappointment of the woman was just a mole hill in the foreground but when I ask God to fill that place I said OK what are the messages that the devil's trying to pin on me he's trying to say you're not lovable you don't you're not worthy of being mothered. What do I say in my word and that's what I always ask God when I'm in those places what is God's Word say to me and God's word says that he's like a mother hen that gathers us under his wings and that when our mother and father for sake as he lifts up that's in Psalms $27.00 So there's lots of promises about I was lovable and God did love me so that was an untruth brought up by that event so that's what I'm talking about when I talk about mountains and hills so if something comes up with you and it seems out of proportion allow God to use that golden moment to touch the old pain from your past Think back one other what other times have I felt like this in the past and ask God to help those places to so God says where his children were bought with a price we belong to him we're redeemed and forgiven of all our sins were complete in Christ were precious in God's sight were God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus and I will give you my email at the end if anybody wants all these texts I will send them to you sure it's hard to take notes of health and send the resources to do I can't send the power points because I didn't pay for any of these pictures I try to choose free sites but I can send the power points with the pictures. So my story begins about the time of the space race beginning my dad used to call me Sputnik because I was born the same month both Russians put up their 1st satellite so I was born into a family with the 4 M's my dad was Mel then so the name Linda and then there was melded my mom and my younger brother Mark. My dad was a jovial man jack of all trades master of none and he sequentially had jobs as a paint store owner a real estate. Agent to file his listings. He built some houses he raised lawman as. He drove the school bus he was a fill Still it is director for Lin Wood Academy had a series of jobs and his strengths were that he would help anyone who is in need but his weaknesses were wine and women which is probably why my parents' marriage only last a law is about 4 and there was a divorce 1st case so. My brother and my mom and I lived in Southern California about 20 minutes from the gang areas and my mom was a nurse she'd grown up on a farm in central California her mother put her through nursing school by raising chickens and selling eggs. And sometimes my brother and I and my mom would go back to the home farm and my brother and I loved to city kids going to the farm see how cotton really grows and how the big wasp nest are in the barn and buy hide and seek between the hay bales and swim in the air geisha in ditches and pick watercress in the stream and ride the tractor it was my grandfather even built us. Around a swing that we just had a lot of fun on the farm with our cousins but there were also some traumas on the farm some things happened in the night that my child brain didn't know how to process and didn't even remember until I was pregnant with my 1st child totally suppressed and that's very common with trauma memory for memories to be suppressed also at age 6 I came home from school one day and found how my toys out on the lawn behind my bedroom in the windows wide open we had interrupted a robbery in pop progress and I had a group of gang boys knock me down interest in Eucalyptus leaves behind our house I can still smell the Penguins and the eucalyptus and feel the prickles on my cheek and one of the big boys push sharply in my right brain and I passed out years later when my O.B. G.Y.N. was doing hysterectomies he said you know strangest thing your right to an overly scarred to your uterus like there been some horrible trauma. I actually missed 44 days of school that 2nd grade year after those things happen and that's very common for children to go through a lot of illnesses or school absenteeism after they've been through some trauma. I had infections money glasses sometimes Vitus and how my tonsils out chicken pox and measles and mumps and anyway it was difficult school year when I was 11 my father locked his car in the garage with the engine running in time to commit suicide and had an explosion and spent 3 weeks in L.A. County General Hospital or 3rd degree burns. And shortly after that when I was in 6th grade my teacher came into the room at the end of the school day and announced that all the kids were going to go home in private cars instead of on the school bus because a school bus driver had died in the school drops or it was my dad so I just solved into tears trying out later that my dad really had not died that was a rumor it was not true but I went through that experience and of course my teacher took me home himself and stopped by Foster Freeze to buy me ice cream to comfort me on the way home guess how that plays out. So. When I was 17 I took my S.A.T. test downtown L.A. and I got lost so I stopped to get directions at a gas station and in those days before Google Maps there was a big map on the wall and gas station so I walked in and I was looking at it and this older man grabbed me strongly from behind and pinned my arms down and started to assault me I had just taken a self-defense class in high school the obvious high school so I took his little finger and broke it I heard it snap and it startled him enough that he let me go and I was able to go home but it was traumatic. In high school my senior year was actually a real high I was given the honor of being valedictorian of my high school class at Sanger book Cademy and I. Got a I was allowed to play path takes a lot of the 1st movement for the graduation and I got a call from the dean of men at Pacific Union College asking me to be a secretary in the men's dorm Can you imagine 17 year old girl secretary in the men's dorm I was like oh yes. So it was a high year in many ways but 3 months later I had the low of my life when I was at Pasadena college on a Friday afternoon walked up the steps of Groff hall of the freshman dormitory walked in the lobby and her my name mentioned from the monitors desk walked over and took the wall phone receiver in my hand it was my grandmother same that my mother had died and in my brain I pictured a Mack truck running into a V.W. Volkswagen but that's not how it was she had committed suicide with an overdose of pills and my brother who had just turned 15 walked in and found her dead after school. That night one of the students from the men's dorm heard about my loss and did not want me to be alone so he came over to the women's dorm and personally a scored me down a sanctuary for vespers and as we walked through the double doors into the sanctuary the organ pipe organ and was swelling and the congregation was singing 4 part harmony when sorrows like the bills roll in is well it is well with my soul and it was just God's specific message to me that no matter what I went through in my life I would never be alone and he would never 1st take me he was going to go through with me so I was I was. Startled 30 years later sitting in my daughter's college church she was a freshman I was sitting in the Union College sanctuary and which song played Friday night exactly 30 years later it is well it is well my soul and the tears just started streaming down my cheeks so my daughter kind of looked at me quizzically as like God just kissing my cheek God will never leave us or sink us so I went to college got my bachelor in science and went to medical school. Got married to a great guy. And I took a class in sexual education and counseling and there was this art show where they had art director drawn by kids who'd been assaulted in various ways and they had this one picture that was a stick figure with green scribble all over it and my classmates had no clue what the picture meant but I knew when I saw it I just had this stab of inciting and furthermore they showed a film and they had a film with a young woman asleep on a bed in a nearly dark room and an older man walks into the bedroom takes out his glasses and sets them on the bedside table and the scene fades out and oh I had like a panic attack you know there and it's interesting because trauma memory is often stored as stiff bits. Sounds or feelings or smells or things you saw. I remember one client telling me that whenever she heard a clock tick it made her have a panic feeling because she so she added that with a traumatic event. A regular memory is stored in your frontal lobe where you make your logical processes close to your verbal area you're Broca's area where you can express those things in a story with a beginning a middle and an end but trauma memory is stored in these fragments in the middle of the temporal lobe which is your alarm alert center the fear center and so it's hard to retrieve it with words talk therapy doesn't work very well so in the secular world they use things like neuro biofeedback N E M D R and yoga. And those kind of things but I postulate that we should be using those methods that I talked about before which is scripture memorization and then music in exercise gardening and being on in nature in the massage in the hydrotherapy and I would love to see somebody do a study that that shows scriptural methods of healing. So what happened to me as I've always been a very logical person now I went through college and medical school and family practice residency and I was teaching at a family practice residency and I was very logical and suddenly at age 30 I'm pregnant with my 1st child and I begin to have ill logical things happening to me when my husband some call is a surgeon I'm afraid to go to bed alone and I leave all the lights blazing in the house you know postpone my bedtime inordinately because I'm afraid of the dark and I'm crying a lot more and during my pregnancy I gained at least 67 pounds I stirred standing on the scale backwards colliding when I said Don't Tommy just write in your chart. So I was having nightmares nightmares where I was being stabbed and just it was just a crazy time for me because I was a very logical person I started keeping a notebook with a little flash lane and pen by side my bed and I would write down the dreams and I would pray over them and I would search scriptures to find a way out of this for healing so after my beautiful son was born I determined I was going to use was this about 70 pounds whatever it was and I began jogging faithfully a moment to the diet Center following the 1100 calorie very healthy diet and I was successfully losing all the weight until one day a couple guys in a red pickup truck slowed down and wolf whistled at me. Now there have been times in my life when I might have considered a comet to be whistled but that day it was traumatic like I just fell apart you know are just sobbing and I got to the diet center in the diet Council was kind of confused about what was going on but I knew exactly what was going on I was feeling unsafe when my body was attractive with normal curves and I was feeling vulnerable to assault and I was stuffing the old pain of the traumas with food and none of those comfort foods are on the 1100 calorie diets and her diet. So I want to make a point here that's one of the most important points of this lecture and that is we as human beings try to push down negative emotions and we might use overwork or alcohol or methamphetamine or Noriko or anxiety medicine or Facebook or novels or television Internet you know something. To feel that that deep wounded place but only God can touch that deep wounded place so it's really important for us to go to God instead of to all that other stuff and ask Him to heal that place so at that point I went into counseling group therapy in private there be a lot of scripture study and I felt depressed I felt emotionally bruised from head to toe as a whole bunch of memories were coming out from my childhood and I just thought of tears I felt like I was walking through a black tunnel or it was in a black pit and it was a huge emotional struggle for me just to fake it to be a family doctor and go to work like normal I was working about half time because my baby was still a little young and I would leave him with grandma and run off to work and I would have to wash my tearful face 4 times before I got to work and then I would solve all the way home. So when my baby weaned himself he was a very active curious kind of kid in and so we were in themselves a little bit earlier around 9 months old and I handed him to my mother in law and my husband who were very loving and capable and went away to the beach for about 3 days to try to solve this emotional crisis I was going through with all these old trauma memories and I store up and down that beach ice ranted and raved and screamed and cried and I said God how could you allow these things to happen to an innocent child if I were gone I would never allow those things to happen here so I mean we've got to go and you know I was pretty mad at God and I just express that anger and. I am I'm reminded of a poem. Which is the footprints on the page San poem it says One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord scenes from my life flashed across the sky in each I noticed footprints in the sand Sometimes there were 2 sets of footprints other times there were only one during the lowest times of my life I could see only one set of footprints so I said Lord you promised me you would always walk with me why when I needed you the most would you leave me I'm allergic plied my precious child I love you and would never leave you the times when you seen only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you. So that weekend at the beach I began reading some books I read disappointment with God by Philip Yancey I read freeing your mind from the memories that bind by Fred and Florence latar I read healing for damaged emotions by Sam and Siemens and I had already read. Dora Dora hope by Jan Frank which is an excellent start a book of anybody has trauma like this coming out door open and frank and if I were going with the beach now I would probably take the hidden half of the Gospel by Paul Connor and treasures out of trauma by Arlene Hendrix and the minister of healing by Illinois anyway I started reading these books and I just clung to the text inside the books and just clung to the truths from Scripture and my the turning point in my restoration really began as I came to see Jesus present in my pain that he had not abandoned me and I saw his promises to use all things for good and that was hard for me to believe how could you use that for good I caught a glimmer of hope and healing and gradually over my 3 days at the beach my rantings and accusations that God was either absent I'm carrying powerless or unfair gave true way to troops from scripture and I had to be honest with you at 1st it was just by total faith and grit that I chose that I was going to believe scripture above my feelings because my feelings were so powerfully negative and abandon So it took about 30 years to be honest before the feelings and the faith really aligned. So the clincher for me was that God allowed his very own beloved son to suffer. And and if God would allow is a man beloved son to suffer might he also use my sufferings for his eternal glory. And I thought he could use my sufferings maybe he would he will he will use my sufferings for His glory it was a journey God says My thoughts and my ways are not like yours just as the heaven is higher than the Earth my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours we might not understand some of the stuff to we get to heaven. And 2nd Corinthians 417 for our light affliction which is but for a moment its transient works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory 2nd Corinthians 417 so what was Paul's light momentary afflictions that probably didn't feel light and momentary to him any more than your trials fill light or momentary to you he was imprisoned beaten 5 times with 39 lashes he was near death 3 times beaten Bronson's hungry thirsty cold 3 times shipwrecked adrift at sea was going blind had danger of rivers and robbers and Gentiles and political stuff in the church. People gossiped about him. Let's read this verse together 2nd Corinthians 416 to 18 read with me so we do not lose heart though our outer self is wasting away our inner self is being Every new day by day for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us and a chart of the weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to do things that are seen but to the things that are unseen for the things that are seen are transitioned but the things that are seen are eternal things that are unseen are eternal Yeah you know there was a time in my life in that we got on the beach was one of them where I would have done anything to just a race that passed I didn't even want that to be true I remember my poor husband you know he married a woman who had no memory of any previous trauma and then I'm coming up a lot of stuff and and I remember telling him I don't want any of this to be true believe me I'm not making it up. But now I would erase a 2nd of anything that God has given in my life for his purpose because his purpose is to use our struggles and our tribulations and the things that happen to us for His glory diamonds under coal under pressure becomes diamonds so those struggles we go through there what allow those facets of the diamond the God's glory to shine through and it's people that have gone through a lot that have the most story the most to tell and them the best opportunity to help other people who've been through those things. So here's the picture God's eternal weight of glory is in the heavy side of the balance scale and everything else is atmosphere dust fluff. Remember my favorite verse I had to answer the question for myself does God care about me and that was my crucial question and if you have friends who are going through this the most important question you can answer for them is that you care because then they might come to believe in God cares God saves our tears in his bottle and writes them in his book he records our wanderings all the twists and turns that our life takes. I begin to find my identity in God's promises that I'm precious in His sight he rejoices over me was singing he delights in me I am his treasure and his chosen vessel Those are all Scripture verses God is good some 711-4224 I've summarized it here I will tell people how good you are I will tell about all the times you saved me too many to count you let me see troubles and hard times but you'll give me new life you lift me up from this pit of death and I'll tell you there was times when that in that 9 months where I went through there were all those trauma retrievals that I felt like I was in the pit of. Psalms 341-7220 says when the righteous cry for help the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles does that mean we'll never have troubles No it means that God is going to come in that place the inside of us the part of us that is with Jesus at will the beginning of eternity is as always find my prayer partners been through a few health things this last few years a joint replacement in a couple bad concussions and when I ask her how you do in her stocking answer is the part of me that matters is just fine. Many are the afflictions of the righteous so we are going to have afflictions the Bible says that many of the flexions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them out of them all he keeps all his bones not one of them is broken and I love that last sentence because it says to me that even with his own son who was suffering all things as our example and our mediator no high priest even then God was need reading what he went through he predicted he would not break a bone and he didn't I say I 302226 the Lord might give you sorrow and pain the Lord might give you sorrow and pain I grew up expecting that God was going to save me from everything somehow those little stories and Sabbath school what I heard as a child was that God would never allow me to go through any suffering and I don't tell those kind of stories and so out of school I talent that God's going to be with you when you go through the hard times I tell the story of the 3 Hebrews in the fire and they went into the fiery furnace but Jesus was in there with him and when they came out they didn't even smell like smoke. So God is your teacher and he will not continue to hide from you there are times when we feel like God's hiding and we can't see him so we really have to cling by faith to God's word you'll see your teacher you'll hear a voice guiding you you'll cast away idols as a mistress cloth remember all those things that we try to put in that empty spot whatever your thing is that you replace God with. We're going to castles idols away like an old minstrel Pad and we're going to allow the Lord to bandage his broken people and heal the hurts from their whims at 302226 some 275 from the day of trouble he will conceal me in his tabernacle in the secret place of his tent he will hide me he will lift me up on a rock so one day I was fairly recently I was kind of confronting God about that that episode where the gang not me down and put the sharp me in my growing and I passed out I was like God How come you weren't there with me how come you didn't protect me during that time God said I was there with you I was your anesthesiologist I put you to sleep the same way that I put Adam to sleep to take the river out for Eve I was with you every 2nd of that time now psychologists and scientists call that dissociation but I have 0 memory and any pain from a trauma that was so severe that my gynecologist 50 years later found a mass of scar tissue so God does not forsake us and sometimes we find his interventions in an interesting way. Isaiah 432 says when you pass through the waters I will be with you and through the rivers they shall not overflow you you'll walk through those rivers but they want to overfly you they won't overwhelm you the part of you that is with God in your heart will be just fine as well it is well with my soul when you walk in the fire you shall not be burned like those 3 Hebrews nor shall the flame Kindle on you. So there's so many stories of suffering in the Bible and I don't have time to tell them all today but I want to highlight just you know the last 3 chapters of Joe say who got is and when we're struggling with something from trauma we need to know who God is and so really spend time in those last few chapters of Joel and also the story of name INS made that little girl who was abducted from her home just like Elizabeth Smart taken away to a foreign land taken from Israel to Syria and working in the household Army Captain naman when he got leprosy she was a little missionary she told her her boss his wife you know there is a true God of heaven and his prophet of life and knows how to to obtain those blessings of miraculous healing you know your husband needs to go see a life and he did and he washed 7 times in that dirty river Jordan and he brought back a wheelbarrow full of dirt from Israel to to Syria to build an altar to the true God and name and became a missionary too so did God use that little girl suffering her parents' suffering of missing her of her abduction he did he used it powerfully for good it became a witness to so many people so you know Joseph who lingered in prison for 2 or 3 years and asked her who was an orphan that God used her for such a time as this you know and definitely that the stories of the Cross the last few chapters that the desire ages so powerful so our suffering has a purpose it is not wasted military trainees football players though go through great suffering and training to be the elite they choose that. Surgeons you know my husband's a surgeon he cuts people and hurts to cut somebody in take out that bad appendix or gall bladder cancer but he does it for a purpose he puts them through some pain for a purpose and I believe that's how God is with us the text 1st Peter 17 says our difficulties are valuable trials will show you that your faith is genuine It's been tested this fire tests and purifies gold so when your faith remain strong through many trials it will bring you much praise and glory and honor of Christ's return. Proverbs 173 the crucial is for refining silver and the smelter for goal but the one who purify is Hearts by fire is the Lord so he's purifying our hearts he is making us more like him he's making us for having and fit to share in other people's lives who have been through things 1st Peter 412 says beloved think it not strain concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened unto you but rejoice be happy in as much as you are partakers of Christ sufferings that when his glory shall be revealed name a big lad also with exceeding joy and I begin to think about this issue of suffering could it be that Christ allows us to share in his sufferings as a very intimate privilege to come alongside him to hurting world. James 12 to 4 considerate all joy my brother and when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing your faith produces in durance of endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and lacking in nothing. You know when the silver refiners boiling that silver to Zack Lee the right temperature so that Morton like it would reflects his image perfectly and then he stops he doesn't over boil it. I.Z.'s 613 says I will take away their sadness and I will give them the oil of happiness I'll take away their sorrow and I'll give them celebration clothes a wedding dress. Then the old cities that were destroyed will be rebuilt do you have any old cities that need to be rebuilt I love this picture of a stone wall of lots of flowers and from an those ancient ruins would be made new as they were in the beginning. In the past other people shamed you and said bad things to you you were shamed much more than any other people so in your land you get 2 times more than other people you get the joy that continues for ever then I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten Joel 225 you'll have plenty to eat and be fully satisfied you will praise the name of the Lord your God who has performed wonders specifically for you and my people will never be a shame so would I rather have a wife that has 00 struggles 06 stuff through and I have no relationship with the Lord or would I rather have a life where God has allowed me to suffer some things but he has shown me his grace and His glory through it and performed wonders specifically for me. So there is a. Way to deal with our old childhood trauma and I want to specially highlight this 2nd Timothy 222 it's a 3 part thing the 1st part is now free from useful US So whatever those things are that you're using to replace God to flee from that. Number 2 is pursue righteousness faith in peace so one true or the Lord doubts the prayer and the Bible study in the music. With those this is number 3 with those who call them or from a pure heart give yourself a good prayer partner a good prayer group and Bible study group so this is the Scouse simplified version OK let's read this one together 2nd Timothy $222.00 read it out loud run away from youthful less run true or righteousness faith and peace run with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart and that is the key 2nd Timothy 222 is the way to to get through this stuff so we want to live Romans 8 memories ruminants very powerful we want to live in the flesh I mean the spirit not in the flesh live in the spirit C.S. Lewis says we're half hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex now Bishan with infinite joy is offered us like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea we are far too easily pleased why would we turn to all these other things instead of to I'm cons are offering us a holiday at the sea and is offering as eternity in heaven. So. 325 if we're living now by the Holy Spirit let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives Isaiah 553 says Come to me and live I will promise you the eternal love and loyalty that I promised Dave and God's beloved and 1st Peter 2 to fill up on God this is the part 2 of them verse fill up on God like newborn babies longed for the pure milk of the word so that by you grow in respect to salvation. And then this is the running with those who have a pure heart being in a Bible Study Group the Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God and if children heirs are also heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ if indeed we suffer with him so that we may be glorified with him this is a conditional problem prop promise if you want to be glorified with Christ you need to be willing to suffer with him the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. After you have suffered for a little while the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ will himself perfect confirm strengthen and established you this is a personal process and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance perseverance proving character improving character hope and hope does not disappoint us or shame down because God has poured out his love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit whom he has given us so one of my favorite songs is the end of my presentation I have a lot of favorite songs this morning I was listening to glorious rooms and I love the song Mercy me even if. And wonderful merciful savior by Cilla but cornerstones one of my favorite because it says My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness I do not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust in Jesus name when darkness seems to hide his face I rest on his on changing grace and every high and stormy Gale my anchor holds within the veil. Christ alone cornerstone weak made strong in the Saviors love through the storm he is Lord Lord of all member that 1st verse all things at all times. Yes I have a question what advice would you give parents of adopted a child that gun that has gone through this but we have not ourselves and how do we deal with that. Is a great question I think those children really need an adult who is skilled in Christian counseling and skilled in dealing with old trauma to walk with them and possibly a group with other kids who've been through tough stuff. I would really direct them to scripture you know and I would use lots of outdoor activities with them because like I said the trauma memory doesn't heal well we just talk therapy so play therapy you know getting out hiking and swimming and being camping and doing a lot of activities that combine with the Scripture and the music. Massage hydrotherapy you know I would use those modalities Yeah because it's trauma memory does not respond well to just talk therapy remember it's it's not stored in the frontal logical lobe it's not a logical thing when they are wrapped it may have been some little trigger you know that reminded them of old trauma. Anybody else that question. Thank you do you help a lot of wind who was exposed to born at a young age. Not intentionally but it was and it's oppressed. These very same methods would work possibly also being part of an accountability group like a 12 step group where they have a sponsor who's who understands that problem. But because that can be helpful and possibly having. Programs on their computer that alarm their accountability person if they get into a site that is. Reminiscent of the all and sometimes it's not an intentional for looking for Pernod sometimes it's just ads and things that come up but it provides a chance to discuss that you know is the temptation for you how are you in your relationship with the Lord just remember that connection is the cure to addiction so for any addiction you know more connection and connection with people who understand where you've been. To you help as it was traumatic for them but how do you help them with the pain from that not that they're addicted to it. And a something some people and I mean you have to research this for yourself as my understanding is that E.M.T. are is just an ocean therapy you similar to our RAM sleep and people that do E.M.T. are if you can find a Christian counselor that does E.M.T. are they they just destruct a person's eyes with back and forth motion to a light or fingers and then the person focuses in on that traumatic memory and it's very successful for cysts this the Syfy trauma memory healing E.M.T. or. Anybody else questions. You went through it. And what happened is we had a very bad car accident I couldn't even get in the front seat of the car for 2 and a half years and I went through the M D R It was wonderful it really helped because now I'm driving I've even driven 2 hours in the car so I'm very happy I went because it's the civically is directed to trauma memory specific memory now it's what it's best for and I know it is distracting your eye motions you're distracted with the task while you're thinking about that trauma and then in process you don't even have to tell the person that is your counsellor about it so it's a confidential thing you're in control of you know your brainwaves you can pray before you walk in there and pray while you're doing it and I think it's probably a good tool. Yeah yeah she is tapping anybody else have questions. Questions. Besides reading for yourself self-help hoo ha the you know if you need more than. Help than that. I would say that depends on your internal landscape how you're feeling if you're still having a lot of fear a lot of in Kerner irritability your family members might be a better judge of whether you need more help than even yourself so if your family members are saying hey I think you want to see a counselor and get some more home because sometimes or stuff that's just a little too hard for us we walk through these these dramatic events and we just need to talk to somebody. And I found that both the group and the private therapy helped there is a different kind of healing that happens in those 2 places because in the in the groups you hear yourself saying to somebody else the message is that you should be telling yourself. Some people call that nice therapy N.Y.S. and I don't have much experience with that but where you tell somebody else what the 3rd person what you need to hear. I am a teacher and I think I know that you know it's are but. When a child has seen something happen not directly to them but seen something they interpret it the same way as if it happened to them correct it's absolutely true that's why it's one of the questions on a scoring tool is if you saw a parent violently treated you know it said mother in the original studies that now they change it to parent or I think it's the same if you have anybody your friend there's a book called 1001000 blessings or by turn member the name of author anyway it talks about a young woman who lost her little sister I think she was 3 years old she was killed traumatically and that wasit was very very difficult for her and part of her therapy was starting with gratitude thanking God for the little things that happened all day long until she got to 1000. I was wondering if you counsel with young children. That may be gaming like I was reading an article on the fortnight and how it's affecting young elementary aged kids do you ever have to counsel them because just like the teaches that what they see is real even though it's not reality so are you do you have any experience with. I don't know what whole lot of kids in my current practice I have mostly geriatric an administrative practice right now but I'm sure there are people that would be trained for them and good at band I would treat that like any other addiction they need more connection they need more body physical activity time more outdoor time more scripture time more music time. I don't. Want thank you very much for attention this media was produced by audio for 40 other avenues layman's services and industry. If you would like to learn more about. Least. Site. Or if you'd like to. Find servant leaders or W.W.W. audio verse.

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