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Healing the Hurting Heart, Part 2

Nicole Parker

Presenter

Nicole Parker

Wife, mother, and Biblical counselor

Conference

Recorded

  • December 31, 2009
    3:45 PM
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him I have been listening to someone you love as much individual to have a plan for stealing from you bothering the appraisal contained processing relies complete talking about how to heal from their own mistakes as well as thank you Jesus high last session we talked about how defendant others can reject result in things of our own we has civil responses to other people and against us so this is talking about healing from our own sinfulness they don't mean to say that well any mistaken shoemakers as a result of the offending against you you know none of us use our own mistakes especially as we get older and older were more more accountable for the responses that we choose to have the sinful choices that we make I want to talk about what I hear now much in counseling how can I forgive myself if I talk to a girl not long ago who had gotten addicted to masturbation actually felt quite a few of those and it's amazing to me how masturbation can often mimic sexual abuse know people who have gotten compulsively addicted to masturbation may actually start feeling that they are worthless when they feel your sexual abuse conviction they often feel I am not worth as much as other people no one can really love me if they knew that they feel innately bad or dirty or worthless or like if they want to view them while I deserve anyway that's the way I am I'm that kind of person and this is something I often see narrative people who are addicted to pornography or masturbation but they often begin feeling the same way I am just innately bad art there there's nothing I can do about that this girl had gotten so addicted to this that when men started being interested in her sexually she felt that she was incapable of playing out human Re: my kind of girl she was a bad girl the conference and in a problem for her that she even became sexually active and even I didn't happen very much she she got an STD if the result she was just devastated she came to me with your IM a girl who was going to save myself for marriage everything can be so wonderful on this healthy happy growing Christian I have this problem and now I have a permanent STD as a result how can I forgive myself for wrecking my own life so much how can I forgive myself you know once again I want to go back to what is that this is the sin of our age so often is self-reliant how can we forgive ourselves are we really the one who can wash away our own and this is another manifestation of self-esteem forgiven myself is not the solution we'll have the power to wash away our own and do we the solution is found in excepting the sacrifice of Christ believing his power to cleanse a from any and everything sometimes we feel that we must do something know our culture says that you are capable take control of your life if you need to be forgiven forgive yourself there's no one else to forgive forgive yourself back in the fall anything we must meditate on the love of God as revealed through the creative and redemptive power of Christ this is the way that we can internalize the love that God has brought me over while we are yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly we recognize now God bless me just the way I am going to stop having this craving for somehow fixing our own guilt like the person who kneels down within you know inside an abandoned praise God I'm so sorry for how I've met that they pray for ten minutes and still feel guilty they get down in the beginning God God got confessed the market I still feel guilty is not the solution try working and then I see the same people then you know the deal laden situations this can become super healthy for the exercise they need very carefully they involved in evangelism because there's this overwhelming sense of not good enough yet somehow I've got to make myself good enough that God can accept me and they never say that I had to make is not good enough or not executive all know how I'm going to hand you know he loves me some marketing lesson that button inside the thing that drives them to their minutes to drive them to doing what's right is a feeling if I can just get it right I can just be good enough then God can accept me then maybe all excellent for my musicians is really we want to fix it we want iPhone for our own sins instead of accepting the blood of Christ CIA I know Jesus died for me I know his blood covers life is finding it is something myself somehow Jesus blood just not enough young heathen religions teach that we can save ourselves but Christianity tells us that we are hardly the phone and desperately wicked no one can bring a clean thing out of an unclean thing can you do that for yourself no and Ethiopian changes in her leopard his spot then may also do good in our custom to do evil this is one more than I have felt the same software line thinking I can actually say how God needs me I can actually become who I need to be without God the God reader heart this is a great thing God also cures are hard if I take a white shirt and I got in a healthy mother title and pull it back out if not many white anymore and I'm not getting a little while Geffen indirectly enough that I'll do it again keep on trying and eventually understand you happen to hit the right spot where and not involving to be gone and all of the water will be the shirt will come out quite right it just doesn't happen away forgiving ourselves is an illusion where the devil tries to stay you know what you can fix it on your own don't want to do something much better rather than making us the tone for our own and he wants us to let him watch and then we can go back and was so amazing you wouldn't believe how great the feeling was that huge burden came off my back while Lord I love you but instead we keep saying Lord heal me Lord heal me here in the great tradition why would you do something to fix that anything on truly to heal you but you will not let go of my hate is trying to reach into what bring out that they are not broken that get rid of it he'll let infection from the inside out that were truly whole free and built on him but instead so often we try to fall back on ourselves self-reliant the sin of the age I can use even then for his glory look at the plan of redemption if you want the proof of facts not just in my I've been actually the conversation will be closer to God than we could ever been without it simple actions reveal sinful heart that he didn't commit any sin of the major filth and evil you might never need a Savior right like apparently they looked great on the outside they felt great about themselves as helpless he was off the chart and athletic he crucified that you need his blood they didn't even integrate they were going to screen on the wrong will we glimpse the ugliness of our hearts it can be very discouraging it can cause us just started here and therefore we shrink away on now that we don't do something good for other people and I'll feel better about myself insured will feel better about herself but were touched by someone else the gene often because we want to be gone for them this is the one of those classic things like the often when people people who are unwilling to give their hearts completely to Christ try to be God for someone else how many times I counsel people who they won't break off the relationship because it got to be the person that no one was for them growing up well if you want to be for that person what no one was for you growing up you may send all of your life trying but only God can be with you needed when you were growing only God can fill that place and if you think your life consumed with trying to be gone for somebody else in excess for a lot of disappointment and frustration everyone because nobody never in appreciate you and not to make you feel good about enough about yourself but also it's just a unending frustrating cycle is trying to be good enough and then when somebody different last time anger I just feel terrible how can I do that to them now making Allah will bring them flowers I'll be all be every him I wanted and I was in the love songs men must love songs that make me think codependent relationship the near the center of my life I would die without you you are my everything you're the reason I keep bringing me how I'd will stop behavior killing yourself when you are he he but when Christ is the center of our lives then he gives us hope despair and are simple and forces us to look upon ourselves or hope rather than saying I can just become good enough now I washed away my own sin we see the ugliness within note how could I have been such a selfish person when I see myself being out I had a friend Sally once long before I got married I didn't know until I got married how selfish I was then I had children I found out how bad I was follow out an advertisement for marriage and family of the men I got married and I found out he was right I was a pretty self-sacrificing person I do go out and run consular programs and sleep on floors and go through wind and hail and sleet and no boiling hot temperatures everything wow I just whoring myself out but enough of it was often it was amazing however that feeling when I go home at night young everything I've got everything put back everything taken care of and walking my sleeping bag and then I can hardly move and just crash I felt great just run out for the gospel and I thought we had a person who just love challenge then I got married and then I had children and undiscovered parenting could very well be the most challenging thing in the entire world but I do not love that challenge because verily did two things that you have to do is apparent in the house when the children obedience but the house is never fully clean and the children ever fully obedient that the ultimate lunch I like conquering challenged you know I like conquering challenge I like that feeling he gave me laugh on worth something but when I did but how powerful I was all that challenge in the humanity today working dogs in cars breaking down in police and army out of ten wow we did it it was awesome I love it because they are the challenges when the challenge is that there day after day after day and no one is going wow your amazing how did you pull that off just have to keep grinding away on its I told my husband you know I feel sometimes like every morning I get up in the morning and I wade into this river and I was not trained as hard as I can all day long when I get out of the water in an attic crawl up on understanding collapse and if I'm lucky I made a couple of feet higher stream that I was at the beginning of the day the house is still in a the children are still struggling to learn to be obedient it's just not working I'm not conquering things you see I was building my sense of worth on that fulfillment that I found in succeeding in conquering a challenge instead of alien on the unconditional love of God for me I was building my sense of worth on what people thought of me on how I felt about myself and said among the fact that I don't have to accomplish anything just being here and serving God with all my heart doing the little things that nobody praises before leaving the dishwasher out working more on potty training teaching my daughter her letters disciplining probably of little situations faithfully dealing with these little things that nobody paraphrased me this is where true greatness is developed when nobody telling you how great you are selling calendars I never conquered your climbing a mountain and every day the mountainous though there are any never actually get anywhere close to talk then you find out in my really climbing a mountain because God is the unit when the mountain are my twentieth and the exhilaration and I I so gone help us some time to find out how people we are and then voice of the at that moment finding out how bad we are look out out of ourselves and there's hope for someone even when we when we feel are simple and we feel often for the first time the depth of our need something I can work with something that will draw close to him here in our genes into the image of Christ but we see how badly our Lord if you can do something with even like me do it by all means take me this is the great thing of the gospel God never willing to give up on now let's talk about brief and infrequent if you have dandelions growing in your yard you go out there people all the leaves off and you bought flowers off was to happen a week later you go out there and look at that hair back again now I tell my daughter was six years old I want you to take care of all the dandelions in our yard she may go out there and with great courage and fortitude rip off every dandelion flower and every leaf from every dandelion plant but finishing about the next week another still there no bidding making that you should pull them all off again to take long for the thirty six -year-old likely that she getting acquainted playroom without getting discouraged I should uniquely evolved and vandalized and the art league after we got the house and we children as children of the lot there's nothing we can do to get the roof out my daughter 's not strong the last area where everyone is in the line she hadn't have an inner life I would go out with everything on this is how we get in line now you work with me so I think the shuttle in and I worked the roof free and then when I get to where she can pull it out okay home now graph that had she yanked it out last together we can do it right sometimes I want to confront the root in the fruit fly is not to do farm for her to go out there and pull off all the dandelion flowers every week in fact it isn't good right to keep them from going to see that instead of having a common dandelion next year will still have one right but not in default the problem often we as Christians we go out there every week we tried to pull off the leaves and flowers from the dandelion plant from the sinful tendencies in our lives and okay Lord I'm not even watch that on a throw away all the bad music Metrorail the fashion magazines that are making me feel so bad about my body and making me crave having of style on the content Lord we may even do finally get rid of all the jewelry on me get revolving movies that are making me crave having a boyfriend love me and those are good things to do it's not bad to do those things but the fruit of deeper issues people that are are going through things like that man I really know I need it need to deal with this problem that I have with overeating okay that's not a bad thing to decide to get a deal with the problem of overheating but what's driving you to overeat is there something deeper is their roots I talked to a friend not long ago who just love dancing he would spend hundreds of dollars every week on the every month on going out to dance lessons doing a hundred ninety and then realizing the pulpit behaviors that are going on in his life as he was getting closer to Christ suddenly things started coming into more balanced perspective and light he started going back I'm going out to eat over and over every meal I'm going out to eat at this date from the pain going on in my life and I not only do I go out and pay for money for myself to go out to eat but I don't bring a friend along the pavement it just like a baby with me I need to tell me he said I started you know going and spending time with friends at work and they would say will you ask questions all the time about this is so wonderful initially starting taking a deeper look at himself he realized now I'm doing that because I want them all to like me and even going out dancing spanning hundreds of dollars to start going okay I need to get in control of my finance so he made a budget for insolvency stopped going out to eat all the time is eight he stopped going dancing on the time of the state he stops spinning all the time with his friends trying to kill the pain of heartburn money in your all of a sudden all the issues started coming up with my dignity literally looked it up in the air and said who I you I don't even know I know who you weren't doing then he starts conference consult biblically and as he compared his life the word of God God started doing the work that he always wanted to do in his heart this is a friend I started talking about the beginning of last session that he was struggling with depression with the things that he was dealing with because of his parents because his father dying and his mother abusing him now he is making like I can do to confront this massive pain in my heart I will start a boring life God started going into those as being wounded areas in heart feedback that you think will want to know when we move seriously on the God who wants to be father you crave growing up in all your friends have fathers needed would be for you and I'm the one who wants to be another for you that you always wanted to be one big exception just the way you were my computer love you not theology is not in the area to iMac that mother who is always been waiting there just contains really wanted me to be in now now he found him doing something in his life he couldn't imagine before and before long his friend came to him have you a really good question we may not because he no longer crave their approval he had made a decision to stop asking the question they hadn't really been very conscious of why he was doing what he was doing but suddenly he no longer had a craving for their approval he was happy and healthy he was becoming who God learned to be as he he told me with your just starting to realize around no one one of his friends said he would go out for a walk and long I feel like it Ms. French alternative you don't like it this is not you are you okay he is gone now owning a home down and read the line itself and that putting anything to the Islamic Iran ran hours talk with my brother on the phone had a deep conversation with God he was so fulfilling of the sanctified before you are not bad for that afternoon hike but he was constantly living in a game of running down out of the pain that is going on in my head I find something else to make me feel good about it doesn't matter the back shopping no shopaholic for young people call it what is it retail therapy PC there's nothing wrong with shopping I do it regularly that's why we but when I'm doing is happy for myself when you're shopping in order to make yourself feel good there's a problem because of the company killed hanging when you're killing the pain of dealing with the problem there something going on right and that pain and keep coming back in ugly ways that brain tumor and then you go away because you take Tylenol is only to be left to grow and become more more massive until I can threaten clear pro-life God wants to help you feel that pain in order to find feelings when he was cut open the deep wound and places in your heart I believe he can make you into that he wants to be one and while the roots of our free I can't tell you what what are the reasons behind your frequent if you sit down with me and him and we talk about it immediately anything that idea but the beautiful thing it reads your heart he knows he wants to sit down he wanted something family the root of why I feel the need to control people what is up with that the root of my compulsive behaviors and how many people they they have compulsive behaviors and how to do this I don't dare do that when really all it is trying to take control of LI they want to be able to be in charge they can be in charge and then find some way to feel like they're in charge these aren't the solution to our problem self-reliance is at the root of many of the finishes that we find sexual addiction I found the race then that life behind the fruit is it that we're looking for intimacy with someone other than God because God is far away we are not going he so far way I just find something out like I heard we go back again and again I just got talk about it a little chunk of ice thickness in my life we don't realize there's this huge looming iceberg under the surface the things that we aren't even conscious of the motivation of the things that drive difference in mean we should stop doing those things that your you're struggling with sexual addiction if you're struggling with shopaholic of Buddha Holick or anything alcoholic I think I don't need to go and rejoice in the Lord know how much he loves you and eventually that urge to go on Mugu now unfortunately our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked the Bible says he is not yet resistant and blind striving against sin but you know what we hang onto the hand of Christ and recount the strength that we have to we can hold on anymore he will still cling to our hands we say Lord I will not let you go except you bless me nothing to worry when you can't hold on anymore also learned you I'll pull you through one inning of work and make us suffer like that why do you make them work we keep the garden of Eden anything I have to make things grow by the sweat of your brow because work and exercise develops strength and character it's not that God says you do everything you can to connect with me than all the rest of the he longed to connect with but he knows that unless we persevere we will value that relationship with him very much and we won't have the courage that we need to make it through the time of trouble if every time I go to thought and take I would him me me happiness and peace and a flood of new cases I feel great about myself I feel great about everything in life I know how will I feel wonderful life is good now how might an awareness of how wealth is hurting the company crying I'm really battling to keep going you know what you do is become fragile and hope you feel wonderful to twenty one for me how much of that can help somebody else is hurting the needing God to help them work through something painful in their life that emotional healing that takes time and energy short-circuited if they just slap on a Band-Aid to take a Tylenol eight yeah I pray you when I'm rejoicing in the Lord I forgotten about all the things that my parents did to me and them blow up at little things that really are insignificant because the reaction is totally not proportionate to the actual situation is related to what is going on there everything is sinful patterns of relating that they held onto God want to get to the root of love to go down into that minefield and they lifted up in lines younger let's make this green grassy field of beautiful faith play in a place just a few days then instead of our marriages and relationships with our children and other people in her life being a minefield where I don't know why I brought up my son from what he did but I did and he deserved it I'm sure somehow instead of justifying myself I'll be able to realize I defend against him to find out what's at the root so that God will free you can pull that root out and transforming from the inside out so I don't have to continue relating in simple ways just because I've always done that way naturally we did in our family now got that make you a new creature not instantaneously everything you do in life will be perfect now first the blade then the evil than the full corn in writing were always either growing or dying is that what you see and plan every plan how they are either growing or dominating every him prayer to allow infinitely throughout eternity into the image of Christ more and more salon wants us to keep growing down to discourage any future you have a lot of things to work on just like on work one-on-one moment by moment checking last to change a active power that the glory of the gospel is changing I think this image moment by moment as a surrender and idiopathic on the shoulder and said he noticed this one now all I had no idea what I was doing consulting at she had she in her she has been struggling to be going through some infant feeding counseling really talk with her she agonized with me and the Lord that are free and powerful way I think you're afterwards not a lot likely keep on revealing to you ways that you be surprised that the ramifications as you see once this rooted out areas of your life you didn't realize are being affected by the same issue arc and start evaporating interesting okay couple of weeks later she called he said he will guess what happens I was talking with my friend on the phone and then they got another call coming in they said company of conduct that out she said before whenever anybody had done that with me right away I felt angry I felt slighted I felt like I was doing me know I'm obviously not as valuable as well she said this time was when she said that it didn't bother me we see everything was gone she was no longer basically her sense of work on what other people thought of her somehow she wasn't hurt by the fact the company needed to talk to someone else instead of her it was okay her self-worth was based on the love that God had for her not on the fact that her friend thought that she is more important now is demanding only let God make out the deep rooted issues that are going on in her life the first and start shriveling up and falling off like what him entering all my life and now the whole stream gone wonderful living on love to do things that are alive because this is the way he is in love to get rid of ugly and bring the beauty for ashes the oil of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of having a Jeremiah Sealy test on this before Jeremiah two thirteen my people have committed two legal if you want to trade what finishes are going on in your life use this verse as a guide because I need to leave the spring every other evil my people is committed to legal efforts thanking me a fountain of living water after number one fan and Huguenot cisterns broken cisterns that can hold no water energy number two all the things that you can find in the world the committee and I wanted us to root either you are forsaking the Lord at the center of your life or your healing out a broken sister that can hold no water this person Jeremiah two thirteen and it's so compact so simple yet so unbelievably complex beaches in verifiable if you think about this when when you're thirsty you want to find something to fat by your first right to go on a broken cistern if you can't find the water of life many people they go to broken cisterns all the time this couple that I talked with they found in one another what they couldn't find in God not because God when they are not because God didn't want to get into that because they wanted to God with skin on they wanted somebody was right they are to make them feel better fact they were him from that agonizing and giving thanks to God and surrendering and it doesn't sound fun at the Atlanta Lakeway make them feel good half an hour to feel green if everything went okay and my bed of course the item probably crumble and so anytime you have an idolatrous relationship anything that's on the front of your heart and that of Christ and always self just as a manifestation relationship or an addiction whatever it is there something on the front of the heart of that Excel is that Christ that thing will become a compulsive need I need you to love me I need you to accept discogram I need you to prove to me that I am enough for you you don't want any relationship with anyone else I need I need I need people who are consumed with broken sister are consumed with the broken systems because they're rightfully very thirsty there's nothing wrong with being thirsty God put enmity between us and the surface so anytime that Christ is not on the front of my heart I'm going to be thirsty it's a guaranteed the first is not a fan if you're crawling through that desert and the oasis is way off I can't make it that far and often assumed that our parents have committed within the things that have held back media thoroughly and we've been fleeing to broken systems for love so long that the oasis just being three feet off into the distance the longer we choose the thin instead of going to cry that distance between us and the makes you think there's no way I can get the body didn't satisfy my need I believe they are and how he loved me I know the water of life this writer there but it's too far away when you really click here to find the info we go to the broken system and the broken cistern seemed like enough that I we did a little hole right here okay I can find some water we get down there are you sure you want we can drink a little but I'll be coming at a number that is not perfect water I was so thirsty and really needed something to drink but now I've got to wealth do I want to have that water of life and every time I have had that water of life unsettling the broken terrain and this is the place I got lottery owners and marketers will hand and I never getting it is a broken system there is never enough to fat by make you feel good for a little while you get he's definitely not right I think I can make it to the fountain of living water now I think I need one more little break from that broken system then I can make it until eventually the broker that can drive up Sarah and did another one I need something so thirsty the longer we wait they are the first year we are more things like I can possibly get to the fountain of living water you see the final using the more I go to the broken concern the last I think I can make it to the water of life and the less that I get the water of life more than the broken system and as I become thirsty or thirstier I become more and more consumed with a broken sister you when you hear on the news someone had been beaten to death by her boyfriend a nice always shocked me why he was boyfriend is supposed to be somebody that you love somebody who love you why do they stay within your gorgeous anoraks are alive but you see the broken system principle is not really satisfying her but it's a whole lot better than lonely because God is not the center of her life she needs him she needed him desperately and maybe she just needs the feeling of I think I can make him into everything he needs to be if only I can fix involving relations with problem on the one who shows and let live really I found out with them at length on you and I wanted to show me what love really was I think in a few years you know what happens in American health monument when they showed me what love really was you never had the enough that what because I found the living water and the broken cisterns always dry up the idle volleys crumble remember I get that way because otherwise it will never come to the living water is not mean that he makes a dryad because he wants us to come to the line that will make never thirst again that's a real truth it's a reality people saying that you really happen yet but it can only happen when you stop going to the going got unbroken sister to drive that you find an unbroken sister he said okay I discredited company called where the fountain of life but I'm enough on both the thirsty I can't go that far God is so merciful he brings water from he comes to us out there and everywhere were crawling were written for it many of you are here in our your here because God offends you he said to you making you shall see me and find me when you sell search for me with all your heart you can't than a halfhearted thing you can come to God it didn't make me happy into week run out of their and our work that way it doesn't work that way even if he made you happy you would be still fundamentally self-centered and therefore your happiness can't laugh any happiness that happens when something on the front of your heart will be temporary it will not last it will not pass either first because only the drink from the fountain of living water will help you talk a little bit about some of this is that we can flying into the mess then that I realized the NAR something a conference from applicant again on but when we are adult there are responsibility if Nina have to choose to let God and the puppet strings that make me a prisoner of my past most men who are damaging childhood did not develop an addiction to relationship they usually try to protect themselves and avoid their painter pursuits which are more external and internal more in personal and personal their tendency is to become obsessed with work sport or hobby probably most of you observe this in men's lives it is not a rule across the board are some men who become infected about relationship not everyone is by the way that but women who love too much everything in the introduction page fifteen that a misnomer no one loved too much that women who love too much this is talking about women who love themselves and therefore seldom on the throne of the heart and I think I can just get someone to give me the love I want to be happy therefore they're willing to give everything their minds soul body to this man if only help make them feel love surprisingly he never fully five hundred better than nothing right you can get to the river of life you can at least try to lack of preparedness broken cistern it never worked but somehow every generation has to discover that until the one tendency is to become obsessed with a relationship perhaps with just such a damaged and instantly at from also from the same source the God of the festive relationship what is that what drives people to the best of relationships surely you've knows somebody like that are never talking to a girl who on the website I matter if I was working in an office she told me she was again how she was so excited she was to get married him I have a real problem with drinking obtained after we get married I know where he is now apparently one thing they didn't change unless he allowed Christ and become the perfect life what are the chances of that when a person gets into a marriage with this mindset when she no longer satisfied him and alcohol no longer satisfied men living in a blame it's her fault if only she would do things right than he could be happy right where we are in a relationship with a significant other especially in marriage this is what makes marriages crumble very often because we now see my goal is happy in what stands between me and having what he will of course if you would just do what I wanted that I could be happy to try to control we try to manipulate we try to get that person the duo connected a happy and that changed when your goal and following now all of a sudden no matter what this person does you they can so how can be changed in the image of Christ have been meaning to get into a marriage with a person say that matter father Michael I can't even begin to express to you the pain that I be from people who have married foolishly don't think that you can marry whoever you want to monitor goal of holiness and love turnout great if your goal of holiness and gone everyone is getting inside the ordinary right I don't mean that he takes over and just tells you what to do right in the child see that anywhere in the Bible that God is here the one I have chosen for you but a lot of laid out principles very plainly and had to the staff mean not unequally yoke together and you may be unequally other together with someone else who is of the same faith that you are still be unequally young nurse so many ways he unequally yoke and gone one lead after that process and all that appalling I do not think I got it under control I can take care of us went off-line for me to make me happy is my goal be to be holy I hope they contacted had that perspective learning about time but she wanted to wait until she working out the boyfriend and got married to him because now she felt like he had then I get baptized if I get baptized and then went to marry him and even unbeliever will then mitigate this ownership would want that to happen but if I'm already married him when I get baptized then hastily I can get back to the American League is not a believer in trouble you don't want to mess with me I know you got a plan I think I got there in years actually self-reliant within the age the person who manages to deny fifteen behind a façade of togetherness is dangerously vulnerable to developing compulsively sinful habit because he's not dealing a death blow to the wrong strategies to block his enjoyment of the Lord the unrecognized and largely unfelt aching to fulfill demands relief is right for being hooked that the inside out page one oh one this is something I think the only time he don't person you seem to have things together on the outside are doing gray a leading administrator having time with God every day to go to church regularly all of a sudden they comes along to accept by relationship oriented fiction something the faith they never thought that they would do but suddenly they are consumed by why sure I believe that quotation a professor when I leave the person to be implemented together some of the people that watch say violent movies they finish the movie that set off a bed and that they can much more later on I feel like it or not if they don't pornographic movies that Wakefield people who read novels are people who eat junk food you know some people make and eat junk food now I want and while it's fine and they don't have to deny compulsive about these but there are other people at the become compulsive just once in their huts the other people to become alcoholics just want their cut I'm not saying that there is a biological factor sometimes involved there but often in the maintenance happening in my hell they just plain were not willing to come to grips with how much pain is going on in their lives and so they swallow it push it back cannot think about that I counseled with many homosexual and this was what was going on in their lives at a very early age you can make a decision to lie to yourself if they are not even feel that and then later on you not wherever I talked to a woman who told me she was just nine A potluck and she's a human partner homosexual signaling I never meant to sign and I think anonymously what research has shown the in dealing with homosexuality many homosexuals maybe now 's I'm not convey all but many of them have developed year they they grow up with a bad relationship with their same sex parent have a craving for love from that same-sex parents but they push it away they develop in anger and resentment bitterness that's just overwhelming to them and then they are incapable of dealing with that level of pain often their highly melancholy personalities that they feel pain intently when work alert personalities their simple way of handling angry blowup screen which occurs in Chicago things I hate about you where more melancholy personality do that they want to hurt a person hurt them that way and so they bury I feel that I'm not express that in a boil inside the areas still thin and developed into resentments and then you have that classic behavior of people who are very thin they blow up reactions simple reactions that are currently not proportionate to the actual situation bloom they blow up about something back to you I'm doing great things on my life for the Lord product and artifact that will block their editing I had everything that an person sometimes develop that craving for same-sex love and bonding and craving bond agreed for parent and children had deep intimate relationship he designed for children to love their parents and parents love their children when a child has that craving for same-sex love from there there's nothing evil about it but when the parent having given that the child presented in certain personalities in certain situations instead of that coming up as I hate my father I don't want anything to do with them it turns around and become this works I need intimacy in our culture tells you if you want intimacy get set back the most intimate thing out there so some people that's how it turns out sometimes of sexual abuse McNamara not what turned their craving for same-sex intimacy physical and sexual electronically notices this is my variant often the highly melancholy personality the person who's been deeply hurt by their same-sex parents they haven't felt the love of the same-sex parent even if I think that Karen had given them great love but they haven't felt love and that anger and resentment maintained that they felt would develop into a craving for him to see Jesus perfect description of exactly what he is like a very melancholy volley in the fossil offensive line and my husband left us when the boys were just young man and wife it is fine if they've moved on he's so enraged going to talk his father and yet he developed this homosexual orientation in a homosexuality is a common complex and can deal with I wouldn't pretend that there's an easy solution I think homosexuals be transformed by the power of God I see them turned into heterosexuals are turned into people who are able to be celibate and rejoicing in the Lord free happy you know not everybody is called sexual infancy okay when you're single you can't win and brief sexuality Grace does that mean that you are living in a horrible and see for sake in life the world help us you've got to be able to have sex all the fact that you want Ralph to never be happy in life that are not many people believe that but that is not the necessity often no the fruit since the things that we do hope the sexual behaviors are really a result of rape present bitterness anger smoldering feelings that are not being dealt with because were not willing to let God into that wound area of our heart to hear here with me so that you may be able to heal we love effectively are full of fear fear of being alone fear of being unlovable and unworthy fear of being ignored or abandoned or destroyed but would you say if a solution for that kind of fear that I'm not to be afraid anymore I'm in a conquer my fears and there's some merit to that argument when I was afraid of horses and I went over to my friends house and writer worked a little I will therefore center I wrote it after like that it all with their pastor then I stopped in at the other end turned around I read that I did that a few times my legs were yellow by the time I got off the horse I conquered my fear of horses you can Congressman fears by dealing with them openly but I couldn't deal with the problem of fear the problem that I wanted to be in control of my life I was afraid of horses remark but my fear was coming out another way of my life because I wanted to be in control of my life I wasn't willing to trust God that you continue without we give our love in the desperate hope the Commandments and were assessed will take care of our fears that profit from women who love too much how do you ever given your last desperate hope from the Latin back at the way that satisfying relationships develop we can't give our love to God in the hope that he will love us back many people try but there never confident about love I talked with a friend who said no followers so manipulative he spent all his time trying to get us to love them downhill in a drop little remarks about how you will know around here early appreciate anything I do but no matter how much they sure and yes we do of course we appreciate your course we love you if you ever believe that you think he ever will when you manipulate the length of saying something to you ever truly feel loved the only way you can truly experience that love and if you let go and let people choose whether or not but no luck you can leave your insecure feel the need to force people to love then will be able to be happy in Poland free and feel I can get it from you love me they don't seem to get the message they don't be how much they love me I'll help them left me alone now I really love the night away not my husband to tell me that I'm beautiful and lovely on your beautiful and I love you thank you honey it is enough to solve anything in no doubt all my love and love awakens if utility asset force that out you know he can't truthfully say to me that he loved me and eating a beautiful were both in trouble right trying to thinking we can handle think about God when we find the deep love of God were always busy trying to get other people to satisfy that need that we have there's only broken systems that you can go to entertainment food that competition control virtuosity self protection idolatrous relationship I've known people who had every one of these I don't fund them several because often I'll go in clusters you know you got a good program for third from the wild and fully satisfied that he do this want to know gay combination of several potent drugs and then the pain won't hurt right as you examine your own life identifying a broken sister find the things that you're going to when you feel down what you flee to the pickup your cell phone when he picked up the word of God do you go to God in prayer for you go find your boyfriend or girlfriend talk to them you find a pizza or defines communion with God God is the one who's going to solve these problems that you need to prayerfully evaluate where you are and when you feel down what it is that I don't bring to you what is at Pathfinder that make you feel while they can still worth something I don't think that good things can be I don't ministry is a powerful I don't feel so good when I give somebody a Bible study great but if that connection with God are you feeling his love for you are feeling all right now Shirley how lovely they will never satisfy and ultimately people experience are now when they do ministry for those reasons they are unable to say no there's never enough affirmation to make you feel like you got much-needed look for the reason is this business is business coming from you for thinking the fountain of living water or is it doing on a broken system for yourself that can hold no water is a backhand not spending enough time with God not letting him come into the deep places that kind of your heart Thursday on God 's ability to satisfy the thirst of your hearts he may not do it overnight sometimes he wants you to persevere he worked out of the way for ten minutes it's not to do a lot for you what a nasty workout with a fifty pound weight for ten minutes sometimes God wants you to our limits of perseverance in our relationship with him but he'll never require more than we can do anytime he allows us to have to persevere in suffering not because he's pulling land making him this far in this fight because he wants to bring farther toward him he wants to teach me to bring us to be who he wants us to be nine-member talking with a girl who is upon the worker she then working for God many years she is a very successful when the worker on the outside she's looked like she was rejoicing in the Lord is doing so many great things in her life she'd been through a program to help you become all you need to be know spiritually evangelistic lesion was so excited for God it seemed that she called me broken hobby just that the environmental item how to go on and she told me she was addicted to pornography and masturbation and I was a little shocking that this is not that I would've expected to think that you I fell I probed a little baby shower I was going on what happened in your life when anything is rated and we discovered a history of sexual abuse but she felt it was her fault she thought she was bad and now she's in even I don't know why you think you can get pleasure from the corner I'm going to the same thing that reflect what happens to me that couldn't be that you feel like I'm a bad girl and she started crying all are precious to me to be shared with her how God wants to set us free shared with her that she had and how to measure up to who God wants you to be it's not up to her to finally become everything that God wants to be and then he can accept her enough so often the devil held without I live if they only need to do is measure out all of these things then I can fill you with my spirit I can make you into my instrument we try we trying to try she said Romeo kneel down and agonize before God when I fall please forgive me for the I helped her understand isn't afraid in you you pray a new value-added forgot about the fruits of these do you still feel guilty because the reason it's still there the reason is that you don't believe the blood of Christ is enough to cleansing from sin you think you need to supplement that blood with zero sacrifice you need to do something so that he can love you in the course of a two-hour conversation she was able to surrender that the Lord and the teams were broken she was no longer in active listening it just happened now I can promise you that every addiction is getting away a lifetime I she just couldn't believe it she started writing to me every what will I do feel like I'm flying I can't find the wonderful joy that I haven't truly think that free power of God 's wonderful I can't tell you exactly how God leads you embracing you free from the chains that find you some people got free from being addicted to smoking I just sang it on they wake up one morning they can come down and the smell of smoke other people that want with it every day for the rest of their life moment by moment finding victory through Christ I don't know what your struggle is what it is that holding you back I know this law does not allow you to be tempted above that you are able if they are in temptation is there something that lady you under that she can't seem to get rid of I encourage you to bring it to the Lords will and this is what's bothering me help me figure out what's at the root of find those things that are holding you back give them to the Lord asking to deal with the deep-rooted issues and start building your birth on the two things that he affects you you are creating in my image and I am re-creating my image he is pleased that potentially you creation and redemption the two themes that are throughout the Bible major in an image you felt like choice he says that's okay I don't think my imaging it doesn't matter what you messed up in what someone else has messed up for you God can use those things to turn you into what he wants you to be an experiment anything that you can match your repertoire have on we can begin to understand love to come for the one we rebelled against you openly we chosen not to love you you put yourself out out of I praise you how each person who threatened to seek you with all their heart to come out victorious more than conquerors through your life thank you so much to do for you or anyone in this media was in his value versus machine placing a generation of Christ if you would like to learn more about Jim I see please visit www. she might as well what would you like to listen to more free online seminar please visit www. audio verse done more

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