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Logo of Michigan Camp Meeting 2018: As a Witness, Matthew 24:14

Every Day with Jesus

Judy Shull

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This seminar looks at how we can have the best life experiences with our children. We will look at how we have a happy home with our children and great success at school. This seminar is designed for parents, grandparents, and child guardians.

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  • June 20, 2019
    2:00 PM

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Do Jesus we thank you so much for a new day we thank you for the cooler weather and a chance to be together with fellow believers Please be with us now as we learn more about how to help your children as they grow and mature in your name Amen I have a personal mission and that is I'm out of the classroom and I have childhoods with Jesus which is an independent ministry and my goal is for every day for our boys and girls to know Jesus no matter what happens every day. Well if you're worried about your child does your child forget to wash their hands before they eat or after going to the restroom does your child forget where they put commonly needed clothing such as shoes and clothes. If your child unable to recognize items they need even when they're right in front of them like a piano book or a lunch container or. Do you have held well getting your child to practice or music or clean up their room. If you answered yes to any or all of these questions you have a very normal child. There are still many things that parents can do to improve their life with their normal children and we're going to look at some ways that we can make a few changes that will make a big difference. In the book education. The Spirit of Prophecy tells us. The great. The greatest one of the world is the want of men men who will not be bought or sold men who in their inmost souls are true and honest men who do not fear to call sin by its right name men whose conscience is true to the duty as the needle to the pole men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall but such a character is not the result of accident it is not due to special favors or in dominance of Providence a noble character is the result of self-defense a plan of the subject of the lower to the higher nature the surrender of self for the service of love to God and man the youth need to be in. West with the truth that their endowments are not their own strength time intellect are but lent treasures they belong to God and it should be the resolve of every youth to put them to the highest use and that's found in education page 57 I think that is just a very powerful message that we've been given as their hand outs right there ladies. One homework assignment. No no you were listening I'm glad but I think right there that tells us kind of where we laid the groundwork both as teachers and parents and leaders of children so I'm going to go over the 3 R.'s they're a little different from what you're used to we're going to go over the role of a parent we're going to go over the benefits of having a routine and we're going to go over the benefits of having a relationship the role of the parents is by far the greatest vehicle for children to grow up to that ideal that we read out of the book education routines will just make your life better and then relationships are going to give you strength in what you're doing so roles believe it or not parents are important and parents are the most powerful person in a child's life if parents give up that role and as a teacher remember 34 years in the classroom as a teacher I've seen parents give up their their role as a parent and they've wanted to be their child's friend. And that does not work for the child they also give up some of the decisionmaking responsibilities to their child and those kind of things make teachers cry because a 8 and 9 a 12 year old a 13 year old does not have the life skills to be able to make life choices whether you're church now I'm not saying you know they can't have choices absolutely they should have choices but not those significant when you talk about what they should eat that's not should A E P S or should they eat cookies it's do they are carrots I'm good with either one but to let a child choose between vegetables and sweets OK The children are not equipped in the mental process to always make the right choice if it's you know where you're going to go to school go on a you know go here or go here if it's equal that's one thing but if one is going to teach them the world and one is going to teach them Kreiss why as parents do we give up that opportunity to to the child to choose because they're going to look at all the glitz and glamor of one and presents before presence parents are important parents need to be there for their kids and over and over when I talk with parents who are having trouble or grandparents who are having trouble or answer Arkell's who are having trouble with the children they're watching it has everything to do most of the time with the presence of a parent and then memories over money money that sounds funny because we have a bunch of greedy kids out there I'm sure I was at their age but the reality is they would rather make memories knowing when to say no. Parents need to be a parent we talked a little bit about that and then reinforcing to sired behaviors and we look at each of these a little more closely and praise because praise is important not just know so parents are important what will children usually choose children want their parents' attention and if they're not getting their parents' attention when they're being good they will find other ways to get their parents' attention I could walk around the campground and be talking to a parent and their child starts acting up and they'll say I don't know what's going on with them well their parents' attention is at me and not on them so that's normal childish behavior it's it's understandable it's acceptable we want to guide it but children will look at their parents attention so if you're talking to a child and then you switch to touch you're talking to your child and then you switch to talking to a friend child may be patient for a little while but then they want your attention again and. Parents have got to not be the child's peer for years I showed you with 3 grandchildren I have 2 sons if you want to know more about them I have a book in the A.B.C. now and it's talks about an adventure with Eric and Adam and the big hole in the ground but. If there is an issue we have to be the grown up we can't be their friend and we have to have the wisdom of our years in our experience in dealing with the children. For years my husband and I fortunately were of one mind followed by the guidance of the book education. And the book Adventist home by Ellen White and I love it she just woke everybody up that's great. But if you go to the admin to tone a powerful book they are in the A.B.C. it's it's a book that I'm getting ready to teach a class in China in a couple weeks to teachers at us teachers there and our textbook is that in the home because there are sections in it that if you take out a home and parent and apply it to teacher it tells you how to structure a classroom but as we got older with our children if they grew and mature when they got to be $1718.00 we didn't have to be the parent so much anymore we could be the friends as they got in their teens that just took a little nudges my husband came home from work one day and he said I don't know my the guys I work with they all have kids about my age and all I hear is them complaining about their horrible children he said harshest get better and better every day but that started as soon as they were born and it started with us being the parents and being able to gradually release. Our guiding them because we are teaching them how to make the right choices does that mean perfect parents know and fortunately it's my daughter in law who's here not my son because he would clarify things for you but. You know God is good and God guides and when we follow God's rules he helps put words in our mouth that might not have been there before. And children live up to what is expected of them good or bad that means if you just if you're saying or if you hear people saying My child is just awful Well you just gave your child license to be awful because that was what is expected if you say my child is just perfect that puts a tremendous pressure on the child but if you say things like I really like how my child obeys I really like how my child will sit down and eat a good meal I really like there's a right there for you. I really like and be specific about what your child is doing that you like this is really important for the child to build on because no child is perfect no parents perfect no rant period is perfect but. Let's look at our expectations be realistic and. Always look for the good in what the child is doing point the good out now we do have to stop the bad. But let's focus more on the good because again parents are Porton and they're going to do everything they can to get your attention. Presence before presidents this is what this is an old cartoon but it's one of my favorite and it comes sometimes they rerun it when we change time zones you know their time clocks in Michigan so the little girl staying there watching daddy at the microwave and she says Daddy why are you changing the clocks and he says we do this average spring April. We put the clocks I had and this gives us an extra hour of daylight every evening it's called daylight saving time and at last till fall when I put the clocks back again and he's getting his coat on getting ready to go and April says daddy and he's changing his watch and she he says Well honey and she says if it's called Daylight Saving Time will you save some time for me and that gets me every time I share that because we are so busy. Many of us I've been working parents or are. Even if we're not working we are working moms or working dads and sometimes it's hard to remember that we've got to save the time for the children we've got to spend time with them that is there one thing they want most in the world so presents before presents they want your attention from mom and dad as a teacher as a grandparent I can give them a lot of attention which they like but there is nothing better than for mom or dad. Let me back up a 2nd I had a boy and and. I was teaching 3 grades 45 and 6 and I'd had him as a 4th grader and he could never get his work done. That's kind of the this is a very active boy you know a the H.D. none of that but just really active and had other things on his mind besides math and reading and spelling and social studies and science and Bible and then in 5th grade the same thing and we were we would print out all of his missing assignments he would have 2 pages single single spaced all the work he had done and as mom and I were just tearing our hair out with this boy this boy moved right beside my desk so if I ever said I had to get him away from the peer group because. He talked to everybody instead of doing his work and I could relate to that so I knew that I had to kind of let him be where he could focus because he would focus on people instead of her which by the way is a skill and a talent that's not something to say that's bad that's a wonderful skill to have but you also have to balance it with getting some learning done not just social learning and he and his mom and I came up at our January parent teacher conference that if he could keep all his work caught up for 6 weeks. He would get some kind of reward which as you know as a 5th grader he could probably handle that he worked and he worked and he worked and he got him all caught up with all that stuff that was missing which is huge and he stayed caught up and the I was so great I wrote a note whole sheet of paper wrote he's all caught up excellent you know exclamation mark sent home he didn't come to school the next day. Oh no no he's really Hind a whole day or. And he comes walking in the day after. I'm with the so I'll just Miss Jewett he said Yeah I was here yesterday where you sick oh no I'm thinking this plan with the parents is or king. And he just so he stood there grinning at me said spent the day with my dad made 50 bucks I worked from 7 in the morning till 8 at night because his dad was head of business and it was not an it was a physical he was a physical labor. Best thing that ever happened for that boy and I'm looking at him thinking you're so far behind now. But he stayed caught up because if you could stay caught up through the school year when summer came he could do that again with his dad because when you're sinking dad's gone from 7 in the morning to 8 at night this boy's not seeing his dad and that's the number one thing in his life is being with dad and I had him in 6th grade and we didn't have any problem he moved back in as with the general group of class and. Just I told a friend one day I said you know see him there is every belief that one day he's going to be a conference President you know he just has that potential a few years later I was up at Camp a Saville and talking to the camp staff about working with children and I was getting ready to tell you this the story to the staff and I happened to look over here and I thought I think it's that boy so I had to quit do a different illustration and afterwards he comes up to me and it is so well what are you doing on the air so I'm boys director. So really what are you doing in college and he said pastoral straight training for abuse ministry. He could yet be my conference President but you know it was identifying that what he needed more than anything else was Dad time and that was better than any kind of stickers or any rewards we could have come up with. I had another little boy my 1st year of teaching I was teaching down in town in Kentucky getting used to that southern accent trying to understand what some of my children from the hills were telling me and this boy. Cute 2nd grader just never a problem and then one day he started a fight and the principal sort of spend it him. Well I found out his mother who is divorced had gone to meet her fiance's parents. And he was going to do what every could to get mom back home which it worked for him and she ended up not marrying the fella I think because of the tension the boy caused but he was going to do whatever he could to get mom's attention back because that most important thing in his life. OK so. I had another 2nd grader who every time mom dropped him off at school would stand in the doorway right here open my crying his eyes out now what does that do to a mother's heart absolutely breaks it and what is it to the teacher's heart breaks that but you know he had to be in school he had to be in class and so mom would leave him and he would soon as Mom he see the car pull out of the school drive he was fine but I didn't understand that and I said he he does this until you disappear from sight and then he's fine. Well I was a classroom where I had 2 doors one here and one there and I said Tell you what I drive around the block so he doesn't see the car because I had a whole wall of windows said Just come peek in that door and you're going to see he's OK So she did. I found it so hard to believe he's crying so hard so that I know and those days being a young 1st year teacher I didn't realize how tightly he was bonded to his mom I have my own children then but he had to be get mom's attention any way that he could and that was through standing at the door crying his heart his eyes out so you know let's identify why the tears are there it could be there's a physical distress but it could be there is an emotional distress which is very real and let's identify how the child cope by the way if you start if you ever see start school I used to my 1st day of school I walked upstairs because it was a 3 story school and the kindergarten room was right down here and the kids would all be running into kindergarten excited and it was a mom standing out in the hall crying. On the other hand when you get up to my 6th grade room it would be the kids crying about the end of summer and the mom say they're yours. So what a difference a few years make one more story about the importance of parents because to me this is the most important concept I can get across to you today Pathfinder leader and the Southern Union you have to take kids on 6 campout say year Michigan or we don't do that so we have my husband and I were rather shocked 6 requirements to be a club you had to have 6 camp outs well and in the Southern Union you can camp all but about 6 weeks out of the year so it's easy to get in those 6 camp outs. So one of the girls had been camping with us probably for 3 years she was a 7th grader and she came to me one day and she said I'm going camping with my dad this weekend why did you wait and oh you know I'm glad you're going to do that and the next Sabbath when I saw them they came back. I asked her So how is your camp out with dad and she said it was the most wonderful weekend ever OK I'm not going to be insulted I have been on more campus with this child than her father and he's the most wonderful weekend ever go home OK what made it so great we took a hike all Sabbath afternoon and Saturday night we we sat and we read together he read and I read it was the best camp out well you know when we go camping with Pathfinders we're pretty busy we do hiking and usually we're doing something around the fire sorry night other than reading but some good well at Pollock's that day that Sabbath I asked the dad So how did you can't I'll go with your daughter and he looked at me is it was the worst weekend ever. I mean this kid is great she's wonderful and I thought or happened and he said all it did Sabbath was rain we want to go hiking and we just hiked in this trench will rain all afternoon and we're so wet that all we could do Saturday night was sit in the truck with the heater on and reading a book it was terrible and my mouth was dropping over so let me tell you what she just told me and I told him that story and he you could see the lights coming on in his eyes the weekend was great for her because she had time with dad with our older sister who was very dramatic took lots of attention. But she got to have dad for the weekend so helping your children or anybody who works with children understand that parents are if you leave here with any other concept please take this with you parents are important and being present for your children is important so I just told you some memories over money. The boy did get paid but it was never the money that excited him it was time with dad the girl she got to have that memory with her dad you know if you're going to reward reward with a memory reward with something that you're going to do and keep the reward simple it could be if you you know you hear if you if you'll clean up your room we will have time to go to the park for half an hour or if you will eat your supper without fussing at me we will read one more book tonight before you go to bed just keep it simple keep it time with you things where you can hold them cuddle them be with them those memories if you say you know if you if you get an A give you 5 book bucks well sure 5 bucks is 5 bucks and if the kids already going to get an A they're going to get an A but it's not really but if you say you know if you get that if your grades are half way you and I are going to go to like Michigan for the day or look at memories that you can make if you want to add some money to it the kids are not going to complain at all but you're going to get more effort by them making a memory. Spending time with the children before us buying things and don't again a grandmother I am desperately trying not to spoil the grandchildren and I'm trying to do the time with them Course they do get things to go my husband keeps saying are we spoiling them or you know he's worse than I am so. Knowing when to say no. Knowing when to say no is a sign you care I was an academy and I had some friends who wanted to go do something that I knew I shouldn't do and I didn't really want to do it but my friends were pressuring me into doing it and I was a day Academy Andrews Academy and my dad was the school principal of the elementary school so my peer group knew my dad and I finally just said no I really can't do it because my mom and dad would never let me do something like that you know throw the whole decision on Mom and Dad I have to take the you know what is it you're a coward or something. And so one of my friends goes up to my dad and says I got a ball a block and you go do this with us and I'm over here going please say No dad please say No dad you know because that's what he would say if I ask him and they got all done and he just looked at her and smiled and said No I prefer Judy not do that. But I had confidence that my parents would hold the line and my friends knew my parents well enough that they they believe me when I said my mom and dad would say no but they were so used to getting their parents to change their mind by you know that cute smile and sweetness that they thought they could use it on my dad. And fortunately my dad was strong enough and he just held the ground and said No I don't remember what they wanted me to do but I was so glad that my dad cared enough to to be consistent and consistency is tremendously important. Make your reasons make your decisions for a good reason and stick to it constantly at school I have kids ask me can I do this can I do that and I usually have to say no because there's a reason but I try to give them the reason. You know no we can't have ice cream for lunch every day because and then they get lecture 99 on too much sugar and not enough activity or they may ask can we just skip homework today and I can say no because I want you to make sure you learn this and listen this and you're going to get it through practice so you know if they're going to ask kids are going to ask you can say no every time but they're going to keep asking but explain to them why I have a reason for why you're saying that and then stick to them I had a student he was the best kid I started in 1st grade and I had him through 4th grade in then I had him for the next 3 years and Pathfinders this boy he was like. Would do anything for me even as a 1st grader one day he came in and call me Grandpa and then he was horrify I'm over here going and called mom a lot and never Grampa. He's a 2nd grader so he's so horrified and finally comes up and said I know I called you grampa I was helping my grandpa last night and I kept saying Grampa this grandpa that it just slipped out. It's OK It's OK. You know I went had gone and checked I have just a lot of gray hair but his Grampa's bald and you know. Anyway so I'm standing talking to his mom outside of church after potluck you learn so much at potluck and and she and I are talking and he comes up and says Mom can I go over to his house this afternoon and mom says no so he runs off you know and he comes back a few minutes can I please go over to his house he wants me to come so bad Please please and Bob says no I thought wow you never does that to me usually a no it's a no and he's good with it came up a few minutes later oh please I really want to do you know we never get to see each other they spent all day at school together but we never got to see each other and finally mom says yes OK under stand why he kept coming back and then she runs off happy as can be and she says I do not know what I'm going to do now because this boy lived 45 minutes south of town and she lived half an hour north of town and she was going to have to drive down pick them up and come back and she had another appointment at 6 o'clock so I don't know how I'm going to do it why do you say yes I did you say yes if she had been willing to stick to her decisions and explain to that boy why they were she would not be in that kind of trouble and that this predates my having children but that experience really stuck with me one. I need to be consistent with my child so they know what I'm going to say they can ask never hurts to ask OK so I've been doing seminars for a lot of years now lot of times they were Sabbath afternoons we go to different churches I talk to parent groups and because we're a family my husband would come with me and our 2 sons would come along so they have heard this particular one over and over and over and they're sitting there because you know you tell stories about the people you know and. They came to me one day and said Mom you told stories about us on Sabbath Yeah you OK with that and it's their names are Eric and Adam and they said Eric and Adam and I have been discussing this boy trouble now. We think that if you tell stories about us on Sabbath afternoon that we should get chocolate ice cream for supper on Sabbath and see my husband and I we did not give a lot of sweets you know they bounce off the wall with a lot of sweets they're not hyperactive but it sure trigger something so they've they and never chocolate ice cream I mean. We want to work this deal with you so I said you know I've got to learn to negotiate so. If you hear me tell the story about you you may have chocolate ice cream for you know they said listen to my seminars over and over because they were sure they were going to get chocolate ice cream and they did. And I told that to a group. At the school I was talking to the 7th and 8th graders and said you know how parents tell stories and the deal that had been worked out my son was Eric was working up at camp and one of those kids from the school when she went to camp she went and told him I had told a story about him for chapel one day. And he drove down from camp on his day off to find me so I would take him out for chocolate ice cream. I said the deal is you had to hear the story and he said Mom I heard about it from somebody it stuck with them I get the ice cream there's a really nice ice cream shop about on the other side of add more great chocolate ice cream. The sad thing is now we're both allergic to milk and can't have it unless it's being an ice cream which we found so anyway. And I already told you the mistakes of saying no no and then Yes So parents need to be parents homework. The Evil last word on planet Earth. Absolutely I do not like to give homework I do I would send homework that wasn't finished to be complete school work to be completed at home I would like for work to be done at school with the new math curriculum I really did not want parents to face that because as a teacher they change the vocabulary they change the methodology it was still a say math but it had different approaches and parents would come in and say this and I was say. If your child brings it home and you don't understand it just do the math the way you know it's OK it's got to be done is but it to me it felt like unfair for parents to have to face that. But what I always would want parents to do is read the most important thing we can do with our kids is read to them children before they enter school should have been read to hundreds and hundreds of times I don't remember the exact number is like 5000 books before entering school and the number one thing for school readiness is have a kid be read to so I would want parents to read to their children 20 minutes a day and you could read to them all at once but if you're reading to your child 20 minutes a day their chances of being ready to start kindergarten or 1st grade are huge but homework is is something that happens and so please if your child has homework. Make sure that you don't have them do it right after school when they get out of school they should go outside and play you know where in Michigan that gets dark early they need to go out and get sunshine I'm sorry but that's that's really important thing for children but then the set aside of pro particular place for homework and a specific time and the there's a reason for that we'll get into that but don't do the homework for the kids I have had parents do their children's homework and that works fine for 1st 2nd 3rd 4th grade math but you get into 5th 6th grade math now the parent and the child can't do it because the parent's not there for the teaching and the child never had to do it so they never learned how so as much as we want to help our children we want to help them by saying how would you approach doing this. OK I see you have handwriting to do how do you. Writing that's a no brainer to send home but I had parents who would do their child's handwriting for them because their child talked all through handwriting class but it's better if we say. So when their child comes home find out how much homework they have you know show me what you have so you can plan things make sure they go out and get fresh air sunshine exercise them. To make sure they get to bed on time so now you've got this window where they have homework to do and make it at the same time because our brains take 15 minutes to adjust to a new task unless that's a routine so I'm a writer one of the things I did to when I left the classroom a year ago was did a lot of writing and I know that there is a certain time that if I sit down to write at that time all things flow really well if I try to do it at a time where I usually do laundry I have to sit and fight with myself to try and get anything on paper because we have a 24 hour routine are were set up that way so find a time that works for you and your family to do homework I had one parent who got his child up at 5 every morning to do their homework because that works what that's what worked for their family that would not work for my family. We need to be careful what we let children watch what kind of movies. I am not a proponent of sleep overs I never let my children do sleepovers and again it goes back to one day a mother came in just really angry she said I don't know how my child is going to be today he had a sleep over last night and boy. Do you do that but her upset us was not that it was that the parents turned on an R. rated movie and then left it on attended for 12 year old boys. I was you know I'm still horrified that she let him have a sleep over on a school night but then not you know we've got to be careful we've got to protect our kids and we don't necessarily know what other parents are going to think is appropriate so we've got a we've got to be real careful. Children want to be your companion do stuff with your kids. We still do things with our children and they're grown up and have grandchildren it's a lot of fun. Don't let them use unmonitored technology I grew up when. P.C.'s were just starting you know with the big you know everything and to. We got arch boys computers when they got to a certain age but we also put desks in the family room and the computers were on the desk because I wanted to know what they were doing on their computers and. We have to be really careful our kids are getting too much screen time that's. Laptops that i Pads that cell phones that Stella visions are getting way too much and it is damaging and they just came out this week saying that addiction to gaming is actually something that mental illness or. An addiction they call it an addiction and so that you can pay for treatment now through insurance I learned that a long time ago I was teaching when Game Boys came out and at Christmas time. After Christmas 4 of my students started just F's one of them had been a student 2 of them had been B. students and one was a C. student and by a parent teacher conference time in and the end of January they were all failing and and I had met with the parents at that point it wasn't the end of the grading period but I had conferences with these parents trying to find out what happened to their kids and I found every one of them had gotten a computer game for Christmas and then I went back and I discovered that talked all the parents and said I think this might be the problem and the one parent whose child has been in a put there is a way locked it up and he went back to being a. To B. students when I talk to them they also restricted to just 2 weekends and the C. student they they put in a closet in their room well everybody's grades came back up except the C. student he kept on failing and saw a couple weeks later I met with the parents that he still have a lot of trouble I don't know who you know we've got it in our room he was waiting we discovered until they were asleep and then sneaking in and playing in their room while they slept. So that again went under lock and key until summer unmonitored technology is very dangerous for children we've got to be we've got to be careful with that we've got a monitor it my kids never got to have a computer games we asked them when they were in their late teens if they had felt like we were you know being a really horrible to them and I said Well. We understood why you did it at the time we kind of felt left out because everybody's talking about games. You know when we got in college we suddenly understood why you had said that and why we had been restricted because they watched their their roommates they watched their classmates fail because they were playing games instead of studying and suddenly they had their aha moment I did know what they were talking about so it's not easy being a parent. We want to avoid the negative talk children if we talk negatively about people who are important to them like teachers pastors Pathfinder adventure leaders people they have in contact when we talk negatively that injures the child so we've got to be careful we can have negative thoughts those we give to God and we take it to God in prayer because not everybody's going to do what we want to do we just have to be real careful. Parents need to parent and school if you want your child to a succeed it can't take the backseat you have to help your child be successful and that means a lot of things like doing homework getting good food getting rest and there are responsibilities children need to have responsibilities otherwise they don't learn how to be responsible and all of these things lead to good self-esteem we can talk a lot about building self-esteem but unless we're doing these things the child is not going to have self-esteem because they don't understand their self-worth but when we put that self-worth and let them know how important they are because we love them so much and because they're a child of God that self-esteem is going to be there so reinforcing desired behaviors we need to role model that. Till children tend to become what they see now when you see my 3 year old granddaughter standing there screaming it's not because that's what my husband and that's not because that's what her dad and mom do it's because she's 3 but if she's telling lies because she's seen her parents tell lies that's a role model so if we never get anything done on time and we're always having to rush those children are going to take up the whole attitude of rushing because children don't do things on time they don't have that concept that's why they need parents but if we're always rushing around they're going to have developed that same behavior again I talked about honesty I've had parents in parent teacher conferences tell me that they don't want me to tell the the spouse what I just told them about their child because the spouse will get angry and they're going to lie to the spouse so this kid is lying and you're upset because they're lying but yet you sit right here and tell me you're going to lie. If we want them to read books they need to see us reading books then that could be a readers you know but again that screen time and that is a little bit more harmful than for kids than for us because of their I develop. If we make excuses for things they're going to learn that they can make excuses kids are going to make excuses anyway but if we're modeling it they're going to think that's an OK way to excuse what they're have or haven't done so we need to model trust OK I'm going to trust I'll tell my class I'm going to trust you until you show me I can't and that's going to take a lot for you to rebuild that trust if you say you're going to go out and go to the restroom and I find you peeking in other classroom doors you've blown your trust I mean that's the simple thing. And 6th graders understand that because they don't want their trust blown. I was on a mission trip I had to go to China 3 years ago and it was during the school year which is really rare but my board allowed me to go in my conference and so I had written up lesson plans a great sob She's a wonderful teacher and I wasn't worried about the kids but I had said keep an eye on this one because if if they go out of the classroom you'll find them wandering in the hall and just keep an eye on it and get him back in and I threw her a 10th grader so I come back and I got lots of hugs from 1010th graders that was fun and the next thing out of their mouth was Did you really put that in the notes that you need they need to watch out for me because I wander in the Hall Well yes you know me so well. But it was it was a case of you know I know what you're going to do I trust that your to be who you are even when I'm not there we need to help them see that we're delaying gratification. Not always buying them everything they want in the store. Again I speak as a grandmother even though it's going to break their heart not to have that it's OK You know we don't get everything we want all the time and they need to see parents modeling that they need to see teachers and leaders modeling that. Colin Powell years ago said children do not want to grow up without structure and discipline is a military man and he's getting the kids in the military who are looking for structure and discipline I flew into the Atlanta airport in November and my husband and I weren't seated together I was near the front and he was near the middle and so I got off before he did and I'm standing there waiting now if you've been to Atlanta airport you know it's a huge busy airport and I'm just standing there and this young man in military. Fatigues comes by and he just goes. To show me comes over and he hugs me and I'm OK I must know when my students who is this they steps back and I say all right what's your name I mean because they grow while change and he said Tell me who he was a guy should have known his dream was to be in the Marines said so you joined the Marines Yes and I love it and. We're now Facebook friends and you know you keep up with your kids and see how they turn out all horrified at times but he did not grow up with structure and discipline and he craved it so much he joined the Marines to get the structure and discipline and I knew it back when he was 11 and 12 years old that he wanted that so bad and as much as I talked to his mom about it it was beyond her and so now he's in the military. I said I talk about repeal praise when remember when rewarding remember the younger the child the more immediate their rewards and this is so important kindergartners if your child is kindergarten or younger they need immediate rewards these are daily if they're a 3 year old it's almost hourly if you're going to reward them and be careful but they be a little stingy but. They can't get concepts much farther in advance than daily if you have a 1st or 2nd grader you can give them a weekly reward if I don't have to call you twice for it to get up all week on Sabbath afternoon we're going to go do this or Saturday night we'll do this or you know whatever family time you want to do but you have to stick to it 3rd or 4th graders thing go 2 weeks if you want to do a reward every every half a month they can handle that they can work towards it it doesn't get out of sight for them 56 years our monthly reward you know if you can say all right if you guys do this and this and this at the end of the month we're going to do this we'll have a special do you know what the best reward I have found for kids extra recess. If they can get extra recess we were trying all kinds of stuff to motivate them to read and we discovered that giving them a half hour extra recess at the end of the month best reward ever I don't have to shop I don't have to spend money I don't have to clean up I just get to go outside with and if I'm lucky I get to play softball with them so. Some of the 8th graders they can handle a grading period if you're trying to motivate them to get through a grading period they can they can put a goal on that and go to it now but he's motivated by grades at the end of the year I had a parent who came in and said they've got to get this good grade I'm going to take I'm going to take them to Disney World if they get all passing grades this year all right good you know 6th grade Good luck with that because they had they were used to having a couple F.'s. Because they went through their work I mean these are not 50 percent F.'s These are 10 percent F.'s I mean they're low F.'s and they did pretty well the 1st quarter they did pretty well the 2nd quarter 3rd quarter they were not doing well and I'm meeting with the parents saying you know they are failing Oh I can't fail I've already bought the tickets to Disney World they failed they still want to Disney World What did that teach the child it taught them they didn't have to do what they had bargained to do they would still get the reward even if they didn't have the accomplishment and they couldn't trust their parents to do what they said horrible situation so be very careful what you're going to promise your child and make sure that if they don't meet that goal you can live with the consequence of losing out on that reward praise must be honest give instructions and this is these teacher meeting we went over them and I'm going I know how to give instructions and then clear concise correct complete. Have been having trouble getting these kids to line up you know by the time you're in 6th grade you think the line up be we know how to do it they're in a bigger school so you got to be silent in the hall I thought well I'm going to try this I'm going to be clear what a good line up order looks like I'm going to be concise I'm not going to be real wordy I'm going to you know make sure they know what was can correct and what's complete so I said OK I thought you know how to line up my mistake I'm going to help you lying out means one person behind the other when I look I see just one row of heads you are far enough behind the person in front of you that you're not going to stumble into him you're not going to touch him and good line means no talking and they looked at me and the whole line shifted and they said we didn't know Mrs shell Why didn't she tell us the speech for. And I thought this is great we got to the gym with no problem lined up they were back to their cell and I went through this. How many times do I go through this 6 weeks it took me 6 weeks doing that how to line up every time we lined up before they could do it without instructions these are my kids they do they've been doing this for years so our kids you know how do you make a bed just make the bed well then you have to go through making the bed means pulling up the sheets pulling up the covers wiping out the wrinkles making sure the sides are even getting your Pelz back on awesome job and you go go over and over and over it now or 2 routines. This is success automatically routines are wonderful if you are being a parent and being present then get your routines lined up my grandchildren little girls having trouble going to sleep my son who sat in on this seminar many times finally just said to his wife. I think we need to do what my mom said we need to incorporate routines and they did he comes in the Says mom a couple weeks ago we started doing the routines that you said for a bit time while he works. Well all those years and you didn't trust me OK. 1st of all parents need to be in the habit of listening and we listen when they jabber and when they don't have much to say and when they just talked endlessly because as they get over if we're the older and we're in the routine of listening they're going to start telling us some really life changing things that they're going through and we want to hear that if we have not been listening to them and tell we're getting ready to listen to when they're 13 and 14 and teenagers they're going to not be talking to us anymore they're going to talk to their friends so as a grandparent we try to listen as a parent try to listen. There were times when the kids got so they could drive the car they would take the car and go home in the we were that far away and then I would call one of them to come back and get me and those boys would decide who is going to come and get me based on who had the most to tell me because the moment I got in the car after school to go the mile home and I could have walked home except I had so many papers to grade that it got too heavy to carry they would start talking to me and there would be times that I would have to finally break the conversation to go to the bathroom and that blew it so I learned to use the restroom before I called them so that I could stand and listen an hour when we got home for them to tell me all about their day because I want to hear that that is so important to know what they're going through so make it when they're little start that habit of listening to them girls are going to talk to share their day boys are going to talk to get help it comes from Mars and Venus you know that kind of research we just have to talk to get it off our chest I would come home and talk to my mom and and on Friday she'd be trying to clean the house for Sabbath and finally she would just say. If you're to be here help me when I was fine I just wanted to talk to Mom I didn't mind cleaning the bathroom scale and doing the dusting as long as Mom was there for me to talk to your boys are looking to get your help your husband if he's sharing stuff with you he's looking for you to help him with the rest for your sake and there's all teachers know they can handle stress better after a good night's sleep as opposed to just getting a few winks now there's proof that students do better in school too we knew it but a recent study in The Journal of American Medical Association indicates that most teens need 9 hours of sleep in order to perform optimally at school the typical teen however gets 7 hours of sleep 25 percent of teens get fewer than 6 and a half hours of sleep each night students who get mostly A's and B.'s go to bed earlier on both weeknights and weeknights weekends then teens who get mostly D's and F.'s you can raise your kids grades by getting more sleep that's pretty neat it's not happening though again parents are being parents parents are link kids decide the bedtime and my kids were I think they were in academy before their bedtime in the summer move to after dark they used to complain to no end and we just said to you only grow when you sleep go to bed we may have messed up because the younger 16 foot 5 and the older 16 foot 8 so they were getting more than enough sleep maybe we do need to wind down time and that's where routine comes in and here's here's what I found works really well and my son finally made that discovery have family worship when you're about a half an hour before you want your child to go to bed have family worship then maybe have bath time this is a relaxing time there you know little kids get pretty dirty pretty sweaty bath times a wonderful time. Then then this is snuggle time read a couple books in bed then little kids' books aren't that long but it gives you a chance to snuggle together and I think those are books you know I would have put up 5 or 6 books and let them choose the TO you they want me to read. Little ones like the stories over and over the same ones I now have Clifford almost memorized you know cliff or the bed big red dog biscuits I like Clifford and then have prayer with them and then it's lights out and they get used again it takes about 6 weeks if you're going to start a new routine but then at that time they're done now if a child won't get up in the morning then you start their bedtime a half an hour earlier until they can get up when they're supposed to James Dobson was the one who who shared this information he said daughter would get up in the morning so they set the bedtime back half an hour still and get up in the morning so they set it back another half hour they ended up putting her to bed an hour and a half earlier for her to be able to get up for school on time Mommy guess who's up and had a good night's sleep that's what we want our kids to do we want to come to school like awake and alert and you guys are doing amazing for after lunch seminar meals 50 percent of working mothers say they don't have time to make regular meals for their families I just heard on the news today that. Foods that people take home to prepare are the purchase of those foods is way down they just put out that statistic today but yet food set up our pre-prepared has gone up like 44 percent we're not taking time we're so busy we're not taking time to fix foods and as as you know health conscious adults we we really want to know what's in our family's diet in our diet so my suggestion is plan a menu for the week get your children to help. If they don't eat in the morning they need to get a better sooner so they get up earlier tea breakfast it may be that supper needs to be eaten earlier and this is especially if I have somebody from another culture as as Americans we tend to eat an early supper other cultures tend to wait until the weather gets cooler and so they're used to eating a later supper and so they come to the United States and they're still in that that cultural habit of the later supper so just helping them understand eat earlier in the evening so your child is hungry in the morning because do not send them to school without breakfast It's like saying we're going to go on go take the car and we're going to race it and we're going to win and we're not going to fill the tank before we go Where does that car go in the race you know where they're stuck kids who come to school without breakfast are stuck all they could think about is when they're going to fill up at lunch and. Those who do come for breakfast and we put the hard stuff in the morning when they have the most mental you know alertness so if your child still isn't eating a good breakfast have them eat less for supper. Apparently there they're still their stomach hasn't had a chance to process sufficiently breakfast hot or cold cereal if you talk to Evelyn Kissinger she's a big proponent of oatmeal That explains why my father got up and cooked oatmeal for us every morning it took me 20 years to be willing to go back to oatmeal after I left home but even have toast and bagels and muffins and waffles just be real careful those are high sugar foods. Breakfast bar you know if all else fails fruit awesome but it's not going to stick with them put fruit without meal great breakfast you might have juice might have eggs or tofu scramble get your kids to have breakfast get them to have traditional practice. And the Power Pack your lunch is as a teacher I absolutely hate it when a kids comes to school and their lunch is a snack a bowl there's no nutrition in there it's just all calories or I had kids we finally took them microwaves out of the school because all they did was have popcorn for lunch and when you have canned 10 kids popping popcorn for lunch and one microwave you have kids who are still popping one popping popcorn after lunch time is over that was it that was all that they took for lunch was popcorn This does not help children learn. One But the lunches I envied the most were the moms who after they fixed a big supper after supper the kids got out and they got to pack the leftovers for supper from supper that was their lunch for the next day I would look at them and go on I'm coming to your house for supper that is a wonderful lunch Great Great One mom said well they finish off supper so as soon as I fish before we sit down to eat I packed their lunch and put it in the refrigerator and then you know there's only so much which is plenty for them but they're not over eating. What if you've got a good balance supper that's a wonderful lunch to have and if the kids can microwave at school. Go ahead impact their lunch for their fix the supper now my husband really hated it. Because in the morning when I'm fixing breakfast I didn't have time to to make sandwiches and stuff size 16 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the night before he says oh don't do that they get soggy and I said oh I have time in the morning he said I hope I will make the sandwiches in the morning you get everything else ready I'll do it it's told for years he made our lunch sandwiches every morning. We we planned I had pre-packed foods are expensive. One mother. The kid came with candy bars every day that's what they had for lunch I talked to the mom she said Well I'm not to fix their lunch for on they're old enough to fix their own lunch I went to Andrew's University to college I lived at home my father packed my lunch through college. I learned how to pack a lunch myself but that was just one of his ways of showing love to me is he would pack my lunch for me every day when I needed a lunch in college so to say you know if you're a 2nd 2nd grader and they don't learn how to pack their lunch they're still going to be OK but make sure that they have a good lunch. And if you're going to have them fix their own lunch than supervise it don't just turn him loose on it make sure they're packing what you want to pack I've already talked to you about the tell of television i Phones. A.D.D. attention deficit disorder or A.D.H. the attention deficit hyperactivity disorder you need to limit their viewing time to half an hour a day if your child has been diagnosed with that or you think they might have it limit their their screen time you're going to see a difference usually This also helps all children train children to understand what they're watching and analyze it in the best way to do that is watch whatever they're watching with them I called my brother one day and it sounded like Barney in the background and I asked him Are you watching Barney he says Yes we used to watch Power Rangers and my son kicked a hole through the Diet dry wall so now we watch Barney and I know that's old but if you're watching television with your children is going to be really easy to turn it off and then if you're watching it and whatever's on it does something that's not in our beliefs like there's lying or cheating that's a good time to stop and talk to them about what they're seeing and analyzing it. Make sure what you watch is teaching your morals beliefs and values again this can be really easy to turn it off and discuss what you're watching with them. We've got the nature challenge one point for kids and as we're watching it just a horrendous amount of evolution and so you want to sit and talk to them during let them watch that make sure they're they've got a biblical background for what they're hearing chart what is watched like when and how long you'll see the addictions coming through I really want to get to this one that's near sighted in this most children between the ages of $5.15 in developed countries watch a screen 2 to 3 hours a day and all children watch at least 78 hours a week that's a lot of screen time for a kid's myopia has doubled in the United States in the past 50 years. This this was on A.B.C. News a few weeks ago sunlight is important to release dopamine which keeps the eye from getting stretched or long gaited This helps keep children from being near sighted You know earlier I talked about the importance of being out in the sunshine i development depends on it some warnings are if the child squinting at the screen if they have poor attention trouble reading or are drawing less a lot of our A.D.H. T. problems are really eyesight problems I had a teacher who said if some parents thinks their child has 80 dear A.D.H. G. send them to the I doctored because a lot of what we're seeing is related to vision we also know that there's a vision problem if they desire to be seated somewhere else in the classroom 80 percent of what a child learns at schools visual you kind of think like right now you're doing a lot of doing a lot of talking so you're doing a lot of listening but I do have things up here for you to look at because I know how much learning is visual If you really want a child to learn something have them do it. Encourage your children to get out in the sunshine homework talked about that already where do you want them in your bedroom I don't want them in the bedroom because I want to know what's going on kitchen table great place to do it maybe on the floor with you again get the routine time our brains we have 4 quadrants in our brains and the quick the brain quadrants function this way that can forth or up and down if you want them to be able to function diagonally get your child involved in music either performing at or singing or listening it's classical music it's not popular music but the best way to get a whole whole brain child is have them take piano lessons have them take instrument lessons get them involved in that good classical. God inspired music really neat thing. What makes being a member of your family special hustles need for a lot of years Mommy can we go camping again next week family traditions these are important have to have traditions that are just your family it makes it so important maybe special meals things for your family family nights Friday nights make that special welcome the Sabbath in a special way with your family people will change when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing when life gets too painful we change when what your kids are doing it's too painful we change change is hard it's much easier to keep going the way we're going than go through the effort of changing relationships be the parent Stenger reach get support from teachers and leaders who work with their child be aware of what's going on with your child so important so team up. Who has influence on your child I went over this at a seminar the next Monday a parent came and talked to me about what they needed their child when eat breakfast so they are going to team up with me and how could I help them have breakfast for years I had breakfast club in my classroom if they grain a liquid and a fruit they were in the club it was a big deal for 4th 5th and 6th graders to be in The Breakfast Club but that's because I found out from a mom she needed some help and I could come up and help her so who has influence on your child there to school teachers their Sabbath school teachers their adventure and Pathfinder leaders there any clubs there and their leaders their coaches their pastor pastors have a big influence on kids grandparents may have a profound influence on kids so team up aunts and uncles kids want to please these people so talk to you about if you're having a struggle with your child and you think they could help you with something talk to them team up and get that help Albert Einstein Einstein said the significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we we are at when we created them if we're just going through the motions we need to be specific we need to do things specifically to change what we're doing for the 3 hours we talked about the roles of a parent the routines that help us for success and the relationships with others. Childhoods with Jesus means that every day as with Jesus if we begin by reading education the book education by reading adman a stall then the roles that we have US apparent are going to be influenced the routines that we come up with are going to be influence and the relationships that we build with the people around us are going to be influence because of where the Spirit of Prophecy leads us we want our children to be in heaven with us we want them to find great joy and happiness in their life here on Earth and we want them to be good parents someday and we want them to be leaders in their church in their community and all of that has to be intentional learning and direction because we want every day to be with Jesus for our kids and. I did it this is one of my longest ones. As I told you I do have a book it's in the A.B.C. I'm going to be signing tonight between 5 and 630 but if you just go and ask for Judy shows book as they can take you to it it is a true story. About my 2 sons Eric an Adam trip we took That's about camping one of the my reviewers said you know after you read this book you'll know all about how to go camping there it's also about family and about evidence we find on the trip that shows us that the Bible Struan it talks about a world wide flood and describing some of what they see. That will help them understand that now I think the cover is absolutely gorgeous those of you who are here early my daughter in law was in here Leah Leah is a professional artist and this is also her 1st book we teamed up together and she that's a pencil colored pencil drawing and she went through photo albums to get pictures and she did the illustrations in the book too so if nothing else I can brag about her because she's fantastic and last night a couple other authors were talking to me about my illustrator and wondering how available she is because they looked at what was in their books and they looked at what was in my books and it was Wow So let's pray to Jesus thank you so much thank you for the boys and girls again that you give us true representatives of yours and all that we do. That we can leading pro them every day closer to. 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