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Logo of Michigan Camp Meeting 2018: As a Witness, Matthew 24:14

Coping with Our Problems - Part 1

Laurie Snyman

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For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them. Using unhealthy strategies can sabotage our relationships, job and even our health. Rather than just reacting to your emotions (as Satan tempts you to do), we can deal with them effectively by relying on the Holy Spirit and applying the Bible which gives us insight and skills on handling our emotions.

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  • June 18, 2018
    3:30 PM
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Lord we thank you for this camp meeting we thank you for the Holy Spirit that has promised to attend us we pray that you will be with this class that the people who here will have a new. Vision of where they can go with you and help our minds not to keep us from that walk that we want with God in your holy meaning in men and today it's called coping with our problems anybody have another word for coping well is that handling that what was that denial but that would be a negative part of coping that would be a way to cope but we want to be able to cope with problems are in the Bible say that people who gave their hearts to God would never have problems. What does the Bible say you will have troubles in this life doesn't it and it doesn't say and Agnus or include excluded right so now I know that there's a lot of ideas and things that will be talking about today and I want to make sure that we bring it together and I'm hoping that if you can just jot down a note here or there that would be wonderful because at the end I would love to have ask if there is something specific that was helpful to you because there's something about they've learned that when people talk to another person that you will probably forget 95 percent of what you learn if you write it down you will you will forget about 75 percent of what you learn but if you turn and you say to someone when I heard that this is what it means to me and this is what I want to do all the sudden that hits home and you will remember about 75 percent of it. So unless you have a real problem with dementia right so I want to give you every chance to help put it into your brain so please if it's something significant to you and you are able to write it down I have extra pens if you're able to write it down please do have you ever heard people say some really negative statements that show they're not coping well like I don't know how much more of this I can take your heard that hopefully it would never be you how about I wonder what's going to happen well the worst case scenario could be you never heard any of this. I can't take another thing how about. I'm done I'm done I'm really done I'm done and then you're done a few minutes later did you notice that I was like when you're That's like when a parent says I'm going to spank you and they just let Junior go and then say I told you I want to spank you and Grill a big threat. So when you think that way what happens to the peace and joy that you're supposed to be feeling from God. Do people have peace and joy when they're thinking that way and so what we say and comes out of our mouth will impact our brain and our brain will impact our body and so actually there is a big connection between what we say and how we feel would you agree with that. Oh as the person who would want us to speak in a very disparaging and discouraging way. We don't want to give him any glory but he is you know if you remember watching the Wizard of Oz and you remember the remember the wizard behind the curtain and he was pushing the buttons like he was controlling people and things don't you think the devil has a control room where he likes to push buttons and really get people staring and he knows he knows what my problem is he knows what your problem is he chooses he hand chooses your problem because he knows what's going to get you right you know what happens your buttons right sometimes it's because of something that's happened in our past oh my right there now that sounds like a therapist thing I am a social worker and I do have a therapy practice but it is very true that if you're going to be upset thank you if you're going to be upset at something watch out because there are triggers from your past when my husband and I were married for 2 weeks we were still in that sweet honey baby type of comments you member that anybody yeah we just came home from our whole Y. and honeymoon and everything was and it was the 1st Sabbath that the church and we were at Waterford which was Pontiac at that time and he was an assistant pastor and he went downstairs and I was getting the potluck this is I have to tell you I was a little bit of a spoiled brat when he married me I mean I'm still confused boiled brat but I'm just saying I really didn't know how to get a potluck dish ready. Is Don't you think pastor's wives need to know how to do dishes. Yeah I'm like I think that I want to go to have in the going to put a potluck dish on my head or something I don't know because I think we do a lot of potluck dishes but anyway I was getting that hot like this ready and it just wasn't going right and it was my 1st Sabbath that is church and I you know it does it doesn't reflect on the wife when the husband is not dressed properly that that night they he was picking out he evidently can't see greens and braise I didn't realize he had some color blindness until after a few more years but he picked out something that looks so bad and women think that it reflects on them when the husband looks really bad right and. Yet I happy husband does what his wife says right. And he was going to wear his tie the way he wanted to wear OK And so it had not been a good morning and I was trying to get ready and we were in an apartment on the 3rd floor and he went down to the car. And he was waiting impatiently and he just happened to beep the horn. Oh all I did not know how to read my face could get I was a mad how dare women what does it mean when a man beats The Harnett you know. Let's go see the now Rick says that means let's go what does that mean to a woman. You're taking way too long what else. Hurry up I'm not here to help you you need to do this and get it done right and I don't know it sounds like disrespect all over right so so despite what the men might say. I ran down to that car member my sweetheart. And he rolled down the window and I didn't have a pot like this I didn't have my purse I didn't have my jacket and he opened the window and he looked at me his eyes were as big as spankings and I said if you ever ring I mean buzz that horn again you know what you can do you can go to your church all by yourself and I'm going to see what they think about you with your new bride on your 1st Sabbath. I still remember his face I mean he had never heard a tone like that before and I was mad man I got up that I never got up the flight of stairs faster than I did that day. And I got my potluck dishes and it was quiet all the way to church I didn't feel like talking. And he was afraid to talk. Well you all laugh. You know what i told us that churches you know what they all started doing after church Yeah they're all in the Horn in the parking lots and laughing. But you know what happen is we don't always realize that but the reason that I was angry I didn't realize it until months later is when my parents would get ready to go to church or. My dad would get in the car he wouldn't you wouldn't give my mother I handed all he she would he would honk the horn she would stick your head out the door and she'd say Henry did you did you put away the breakfast dishes and he'd go No surely I sure did and she'd say well that's why I'm in here I'm still putting them away you know we have people coming over for dinner and I would want you to pick your plate up off the table and put it in the sink even OK surely so she'd go back in. You know what he do I'd be in the backseat with my brother he'd look in the rearview mirror and go through. She come out. Do you want to go and I think I did surely. Did you get the Bible and the quarterly No I didn't well why didn't you. I was because you had nothing to do but sit there and that heart. She went back in and you go she's really reduce you know wrote her. You know you know that. She'd come out and she said did you turn out all the lights no did you lock the doors Nope but I'm really glad you're doing well that's why I'm taking so much time if you have all this time you could have done that and said I honking the horn and I probably said to myself when I grow up my husband will never treat me that way. That must be why I was so mad that morning I really don't get mad at him but boy was I mad that morning and you know what he said I learned my lesson I never honk the horn Yeah. But there's a powerful enemy out there and he loves to agitate and he knows what happened to you in your past and he knows what's going to really get under your skin and he knows what's going to make you really chafing get mad and guess what when you start to feel angry. You can have some problems now there are many problems physical problems that can occur from anger and from anger depression anxiety etc and so I really wanted a well researched lecture for you so I only looked up and talking about the things that I found information on anger What do you think is what's the biggest medical problem of anger high blood pressure guess what I am sure it's in there but that wasn't the one that I'm looking at all sir as you would think also what heart attacks absolutely They actually tracked men with heart attacks and found out that many of them have explosive anger they can actually look at some of the things that you or you have in your personality and figure out what kind of medical problems you're going to have Isn't that interesting depression what do you think the ones that I found were strokes and diabetes I didn't know diabetes could be impacted by depression. Skin issues psoriasis is a big one what was that. Oh and when people get depressed they eat and so maybe that's why they are like I just I didn't question it I just was looking at all the materials on it and when you look at thousands of things that come up that was those were the biggest rheumatoid arthritis is a big one diseases. Like irritable bowel disease and. Crones disease are very impacted by depression and migraine headaches. OK chronic stress we have 2 chairs over here if you want chronic stress. Skin conditions is under chronic stress I think I went too fast on that one as maam. Heartburn GERD anybody ever heard of those. You know when my husband went to the seminary we were on a very limited budget and again he took this young girl who I mean you know I just I had learned how to do a budget what can I say I lived on a credit card and I went to college away from college I just did a credit card my dad paid for it you know what the buck stopped with Royce that was not what he wanted to do was pay my credit card bills so he said I think our credit cards are out of control so he got some scissors out and he got those credit cards and he started cutting them up now. I don't know how people live without a credit card at that moment and that really distressed me and I got eczema all over my neck and we met my folks because they live in the Detroit area we were they were in variance Springs I think we met for Thanksgiving in Kalamazoo and while we were eating my mother looked at my neck and she said what is wrong with you I said why she said well you're all broken out on your neck and I'm like really well it could be about the credit cards well what about the credit cards well Royce cut up our credit cards oh oh she said well that's probably good for you. Yeah. Yeah what happens if our emotions if we go by our emotions what will happen to our lives yet it is a train wreck because our emotions can you have you ever been happy one moment and sad the next Could you be having a good day and then something terrible happens and you're all upset. Emotions can be like a roller coaster and if we follow them our lives will be up and down all the time. There are 2 chairs here in the front just to let you know and 3 over here. By the way feelings are like on auto pilot anybody drive with their cruise control on by it's a normal thing for your emotions to go up and down that would be normal but if you make your decisions based on them you're going to be in big trouble the world tells us to follow our hearts what does that mean if you see somebody like take. If you want something get it right if you if you would like to eat ice cream all day just go for it right you deserve a break today right so go out and get away right. People who act on their emotions often jump into relationships too fast they jump out of relationships too fast they they avoid things they're afraid of and they never work through them they have a hard time continuing to persevere into school etc So and we have to be really careful because there are things that we might not even try or continue to get through or we won't persevered and maybe the Lord wanted us to do those things but we were all about how we felt. Proverbs 2826 says he that trusts in his own heart is a fool What did what did we just say in the trust and as her own heart is what. But he who walks wisely shall be delivered when to be delivered so don't do what your what your heart is always telling you we need to be doing things because of principles and standards not because of feelings Jeremiah $179.00 tells us that the human heart is the most deceitful and desperately wicked What did it say. D.C. fall and desperately wicked so many times the things the thoughts that we have the decisions the drives that we have the fantasies that we have are not going to take us to a place where God wants us to be principles and standards we should be bound by principles and standards don't let your heart decide always think with your mind what God would want you to do. That was Jerry Jeremiah 179 and the 1st one was Proverbs 2826 and I hope that you'll look it up and memorize it because when you're tempted it's a really good thing to recall Have you noticed that text will come to your head when you're thinking about some or even a song and that's a really special thing because God's really helping us many of us think that if we feel angry or if we feel irritated or if we feel frustrated we should just act on it you never acted on some never been really sorry you did it reminds me there's a couple up here it's a retired pastor and his wife and they have a lot of time together now they're not used to that because the used to always work and do different things right and so they. They I guess they were they they now eat together which you know people always ask me worst Roisin Sabbaths and I always say were are separated you didn't know that but we're getting we're getting together tonight oh well they're together all the time and so he kept setting the table when she'd get the dinner ready and he kept putting the forks on the right side of the spoons and the knives on the left side and she's proper There are some women that are proper you know and she said to him you know that you got him on the wrong side and he said I do and she said yeah so switch them next time OK And so he'd said I'm with the forks on the right side and spoon in the knife on the left side. And she said every time they ate she just felt so irritated with him like what man doesn't know how to set the table properly. And she said he continued to do it over and over again and finally she thought I just need to calm myself down it's really a good thing to not be on emotion she said so I decided to just get my voice under control and she said Honey is there a reason that you just keep putting this isn't the nice on the left side and the fork on the right side and he said I wondered when you were going to notice. And she said we had a really good laugh and I'm really glad because it was a funny joke rather than a really bad scene. Any of you ever had that you're really glad you said it a different way I remember one time when some woman we were at the airport and I was in sandals and she took her suitcase and went right across my feet and in front of me on the escalator and she thought I was being generous and kind and I said well a disk use me. But I wasn't being kind and generous and she said Oh I didn't see you thank you for giving me Oh you're welcome. I'm really glad that she thought I was being kind and generous and I was not sometimes the large gets us out of situations we get ourselves into Doesn't he. The devil wants us to always keep score with people have you noticed and we often want to do things to make ourselves happy and why is that can you tell me what would be the root of that. Pride selfishness actually shown by the way relationships are hard and they are difficult and they take time to work out and it's all about self I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT and I don't want anyone to tell me not to do it would you agree and I want to do my own thing and I don't want you to bother me go away. I had a friend I saw her up here and she continued to decide that she could not be happy unless she got her living room decorated so she kept saying to her husband I want to decorate my living room and he kept saying well you know we have money we're doing what we need a new driveway than he needed something in the graduate ever and finally after 3 years of I think probably telling him every day she got her way and she got to decorate the living room and we were on this prayer thing and this is what she said. Well my living room is decorated my kitchen is new and and I'm still not happy. I'm like she's like I guess that wasn't really what was making me so unhappy I was just on happy and is that true that we always think we know what it is but it's not always that thing and sometimes we just need to recognize that we need to have happiness and be satisfied despite our circumstances would you agree there's a Chinese saying that goes if you want happiness for an hour take a nap. If you want happiness for a day go fishing if you want happiness for a year inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime you better help somebody and that really is why many times our happiness is not sustained it's because. When it's all about me I start to not be as happy when I try to make myself happy. The other part is that when we are so focused on our feelings and how we feel I feel this way and I feel that way and I you know what I really think is you know what not only does that get wearing to the people that we talk to but it accentuates what's going on with us in our heads and it makes us sick one of these people told me that his mother he said I just want to let you know that I came to see my mother and she was laying in bed and he said Aren't you going to get up today Mother it's already 11 o'clock in the morning and she said I'm staying and I am just sitting here and he said Well how long have you been sitting there for about 4 hours and he said well why and she said because I thought I felt my heart was getting was moving too fast and I've been trying to count it and he said well has has your heart been going to fashion he said not yet. Do you ever have issues in your head you have issues in your head and they get bigger now now you want to tell Royce if I tell you these things oh no all right OK Right oh I forgot I'm on speaker right so one day my husband and I were home and I woke up because I heard paper. Crinkling in the kitchen that's a terrible thing to wake up it was like 2 in the morning paper was crinkling in the kitchen so I opened the door and in the light of the front living room window I could see somebody sitting in our lazy boy chair. Just sitting there and I woke up my husband and he went he said I said I hear somebody that was undoing here and there they are sitting right there in the chair and he went Oh they are that's terrible and he said OK let's let's call 911 so he started calling 911 you remember those phones where they had like Asterix and pound numbers I think he was on the wrong roll and it didn't wait it didn't light up at night you know it was it was a long time ago right and so he started pressing 9 when he goes they block the phone and he goes we're going to have to do the next thing and I said what are we going to do because he's whispering to me it's hard that was when I could hear his whispering and he said what I need we need to do is we need to get out of bed and push the dresser against the closed door so they can't come and that will give us a moment and then we need to get out we need to break our bedroom window and get out I'm like well that's a little high and he's like That's OK I'll help you with that and I'm like OK so we got up and we just why was that dresser ever have I'm like it but you know when you're that keyed up and you're protecting yourself against a man sitting in a chair in your living room you get supernatural strength Have you ever heard of that. And we lifted up that heavy heavy dresser Oh it was heavy and we got it against the door and then we start we open the window and when we open the window and open the shade that was really good we open the shade before we open the window we can see the phone in the in the night light out there and we can see that the thing and so he pressed 911 and this time it worked he said it's working again. And he called the police and said There's a man in our way and we're in the bedroom and we're secure but he's sitting in our living room and he's been in our kitchen rifling through our stuff and they said we'll be there right away and they came in like 5 minutes and when they came he opened the window he said we're in here officer he's in the house and he's They said how can we get and he got he had a key actually had it on the dresser and so the police came and we could hear him going through the house we didn't hear him talking to anybody we heard him going down the stairs we heard him going and then they came into the bedroom and he said is that you and he said yes this is this is a police officer kind of embarrassing incident and we had to like move the dresser this time we could hardly get is are you going to be able to get out of there or do you need some help we can get through the winter oh no we can so we we got that dresser over and he said house is secure or don't see anything. We said oh no you turned the lights on you know some of those lamps have a really big like light vault I mean not not the Shane but you know there rounded and through the window it was a great it was really it was a great profile. And and then so I walked out there and there was the wrapping paper and it was my birthday the day before and the wrapping paper it all unwrapped and it all fallen out of the garbage you know it's like yeah at 2 in the morning and the policeman said do you want to stay here with you for a little while until you look around and be sure that you're OK My husband said No officer will be OK thank you very much. I never knew that my heart could be so hard I mean have you ever had been so scared you could hear beating in your ears isn't it amazing when you get so focused on your feelings how you can make your body react how many of you know that even when things are calm that your body is reacting and even laying nothing is life threatening you're still scared any of you because that's what happens is that when our bodies are on alert then all sudden we're overusing all of our faculties and our coping skills are very poor. I had a man that came to me and he said I really need help and I said well what's been going on he said Well I went to the hospital he said I was thought I was having a heart attack I was really scared and they told me nothing was wrong so they told me to see a therapist and I said So what do you think I think they're not picking up on something. I said Have you had anything that's HALF MEN Well you know his wife had left him a few months before and he was living alone he never wanted to live alone and so do you think that you can be really worked up or concerned about that well probably And I said and so have you seen a cardiologist he said yeah they've they've looked they've done every test they can and I said so could it be that you feel panic or fear or anxiety Well yeah it probably could but I think there could be something wrong and so. There was never any more experiences like that and then he said I think I have panic attacks and that's that high riveting scary feeling where your heart feels like it's pounding your ears feel like they're you can hear your heart in them sometimes your your palms are really tight and or or sweaty you can feel tremors in your body you can feel like the like somebody standing on your chest you can't breathe and sometimes just knowing that you've had that experience just as I describe it will help you to have it all over again so if any of you are feeling really tight right now might be a good thing to do the 747 which is you take a deep breath to the count of 7 you hold it to the count of 4 and you breathe out to the count of 7 that's what I do to people who are having panic attacks in my office. $747.00 so you want to do it together OK now I don't want you to look at each other because I don't want you self-conscious OK so why don't you just close your eyes for a minute not doing anything wild I just don't want you to look around OK I take a deep breath and I'm going to count for you by. 567 count for 1234 you're holding it now you can exhale count 1234567 that slows down the heart it gets the oxygen going it gets the axe isn't going through your brain and what they learned about panic attacks is that many times when you are really stressed about something you don't recognize that you're doing short panting breath. And you're not getting a good X. agenda exchange and so your whole body starts to do a spasm especially the Sapphic S. and all those areas and as it constricts all sudden you start to feel lightheaded and then when you feel light headed you're scared so you get more upset and so then you you're fighting it and that's what happens so we have a huge impact on how we are thinking on our body would you agree what about self pity what is self-pity. First of always saying self so what does it mean about selfishness OK And what is pity are we taking our taking pity on somebody ourself I was having some self-pity this morning. I was getting ready when an ant was crawling on my neck now my neck is special and I don't want an ant on my neck how many of you do and that like and then I started thinking why is that that we got the location where there's all the ant hills. And you know does anybody else in the loop have and hills Oh my mother I said there was somebody worse than me you have ants everywhere in your trailer. You have Hornets see my mother was always right about everything that really burns me up because I want to tell you how bad my aunts were. Now what happens when I tell you that story and you feel sorry for me it makes me feel good so when you guys start taking the limelight away from me it's irritating. There is something charming to having people go. Here that So there's something and then you go oh I kind of like that and so then you start telling more stories and then you get people to really start to feel sorry for you and you don't work on your problem I did by the way I went out and got ant traps the man at Dollar General it takes a whole week for these ants to take their medicine back to their food to their ant nest and he says so you'll still have for a week. All Am I doing that self-pity thing again OK. Yeah and often people who have self pity are kind of black and white about things they like they're very rigid they Everything is either right or wrong nothing's ever grey So yes there's other people who have and send us there's other people who have Hornets and there's always somebody worse than you and we need to not fixate on it we need to go out and fix it right and so self-pity often staffs us from taking the next step so another thing is that we need to be very careful about our self-pity. All right by the way people with low self-esteem crave attention would you agree people say oh I'm not a proud proud person I'm just a really I have low self-esteem you know I'm just you know but let me tell you that when you have low self-esteem who are you always trying to protect remember that song and saddest girl meaning me oh isn't that about Jesus loves the little ones like maybe well if they just cut that off and just do the meaning it's like I don't want anyone to hurt me I don't want anyone to say anything I want to anyone to mistreat me I just can't cope with it so it's always about South protection and so we have to be very careful because low self esteem when the Lord has told you that you are so special that he would have died on the cross for you that he came to save you and you say that you're not good enough and that you you know you just are absolutely nothing you are really offending your creator so you have to say Lord please help me with the way I'm thinking and self-esteem issues will really set us up for all kinds of things including drama girls love drama no way and if you raise girls 2 against one all the time you're my best friend I am going to tell you a secret yeah man I mean boys are like they just watch the ball and they don't care they walk away from each other but the girls are like Are you my bones friend. I just I told you something that you weren't supposed to. You know the devil really loves to have us focus on our flaws our faults our failures and our limitations we can't be happy when we only think of ourselves the world by the way tells us that our feelings are truth are they truth well I just I just don't feel good about that really. Well I do it but I just you know I just I don't know I just have this feeling that I shouldn't do that. Well I know I'm married but you know what he's so attractive any so kind to me or you know she's such a sweet person I feel like I could tell her anything much better than my wife like if we go with what we feel we will be in a mistake do you remember. Debbie Boone she sang that song she saying You Light Up My Life if you give me hope to carry on and do remember that by the way it can a person really meet all of our needs OH MY want to bankrupt somebody just OK and the song ends with it can't be wrong when it feels so raw. We have a problem there so most of your income or go is gone and I've spent your credit cards or you know can't be wrong right or tell your wife finds out or my husband finds out of my kids get upset or until. Tell your step kids come over I mean my step kids come over to my house and make a big mess or hate me or like it's funny it can't be wrong but you know what we're going to get all kinds of baggage are we not when we do some of those things make sure that we ask the Holy Spirit to guide us and not our feelings very important by the way do you ever feel loved by God but not every day is the Bible changeless I mean does that change just God change does that mean that we change isn't it wonderful that even when we're crabby somebody might not like us but God love. Isn't it nice when you're empty that guy just of blessing you even when other people are gone if you do that again to me. A woman said to me I feel so worthless sometimes. And I said Do you believe in good Knievel and she said yes and that's because most Christians don't believe in good and evil and even though I work with Christians I have to try and figure out where they're at because some people don't believe there's a hell or a devil and they just believe that God is good news and everything and I asked Do you think God is telling you that you're worthless and she said no that wouldn't make sense would it and I thought I'd play with it was a really bad joke I said I think you're right I said. I think that the devil is telling you the truth she said what I said because you are worthless and you are lost and you are insignificant and corrupt without Jesus Jesus is the only reason that you're special in any way so without him you're nothing but you didn't get it so you shouldn't take should tell a joke when somebody is really serious what does the Bible say. When you are unkind wait when you what is about rubbing salt into the wound What is that one. A certain word or something rub salt into the wounds we need to be genuinely kind to people specially when they feel like that but Christ makes us a new creation and Greater is He and us than who is in the world right by the way when you think I can't do this anymore I can't you know I just can't take this anymore there are verses that we can hold onto that are true because our feelings are false one of them is I can do. Through Christ who strengthens me so when I say I can't do this that I can't do that I don't know what's going to happen I just don't know where I'm going to go with that who are we do are we dissing or does disagreeing with our or throwing under the bus we really are are saying that to God because God said He can empower us and help us. Here is a quote from D.G. 146 and Ellen White Book feelings are no evidence of God's displeasure when you don't feel loved or you don't feel that God is close to you Iran has yes you just don't feel right feelings are not something that we can always tell feelings are not the barometer of your religious feelings so let's go to Kalash NS 312. 31 in 2 since then you have been raised with Christ set your heart on the things above what is that saying look to who Jesus were crisis seated at the right hand of God set your mind on things above not on earthly things haven't you always Haven't you thought about all things are so bad I don't know how I can ever get there and so what we need to recognize is that by beholding we become changed is that wonderful. First what that's right and all these things will be added on to you. First Peter 58 to 10 says be of sober what is sober meaning here does that mean stop drinking. Become and collected and and calm your mind beyond the alert your adversary though what the devil Prowse around like what. Seeking someone to. When you keep your eyes off of him you're at trouble right the the lion never goes to the whole group he goes to the one on the edge of the one that's lost or the one who's not coming to church or one that's not you know in the fold or whatever he's always focused on the weaker person and has where he goes it says but resist him be firm in your face doesn't say count on your feelings as be firm in your faith knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brother in who are in the world. That's 1st Peter 58 to 10 we need to put our trust in the holy spirit emotions can make you a slave if somebody can walk through that door and change your mood and make you upset they have power over you and you are their slave they can punch your butt. Have you ever seen now I am Carlo my son and I we went to he's going to the University of Missouri you know Carlo does everybody know Carlo the one arm trumpeter Haitian OK Anyway I'd taken him to University of Missouri and and he's he doesn't really want to go there but he's going to go there they gave him a full scholarship for a Ph D. So he's going there and he says I don't think I like this town I said oh you need to just you know change your attitude everything's going to be OK You know I'm sure it's a nice town and then all sudden there's a fight right in front of us 2 men are fighting over a drug deal I mean they're yelling in their arms are flailing their faces are red they're talking about you know I didn't take that dope and the other one's like yes you did knew only the money news like this is a really bad place but have you noticed that when people's emotions go up how they look there they're really Rolen they're angry they're screaming you know God doesn't want us to continue to destroy relationships around us we need to ask the Lord to change our minds to renew our minds and to help us to control ourselves because many of the things that we do on autopilot are to destroy and destroy hurt and damage our relationships we with God's help can get our emotions under control and many times when you've been angry with someone what happens How's your sleep. You can. Yeah the roll and toss and turn Yeah how many of you obsess over something you've said is that you know could it be the Lord is telling you that you said something and it's time to do what make amends with people that's correct. I was just thinking about my daughter when she was young. She was having a hard time thinking about feelings and too bad she's got a social worker mother and so she would say mother you hurt my feelings it could be over an ice cream cone. Because she felt she needed it. Yeah and when I went to a Wayne State University and in Detroit one of the things that the professors would say in almost every class is every time somebody would say they go how does that make you feel how does it make you feel and you kept thinking that's the most important thing I can do as a therapist as ask people what how does that make you feel what happens when we're so focused on how we feel does that do anything for us does that make our lives better it's important to know how we feel but it's a more more important to say what we need to do about it OK when you're thinking this is going to be a really bad day. Just I mean I don't even know I got out of bed this morning what happens you know you have a. You have. And what would the feeling be when you're thinking that way tell me some now men do you need any help with feelings. What kind of feeling when you're thinking this way negative OK what else I want to hear a man what. Bad is a good word let's make it more descriptive Let's get a little more exciting depressed. Discouraged disappointing hopeless is the word I was looking for when you think this way you can feel very hopeless now are you hopeless No but because you were thinking that way because you were thought dogging in that way because you were talking the way you were feeling that way and then when you feel hopeless How might you act. How much or how much you act. You don't do you know what you could be paralyzed and you just go I don't feel like doing anything it's not worth anything why would I even I don't even care or you could go you could do the opposite you can be resilient I'll show them and I'm going to do it different right so that would be encouraging OK whatever you do if you do something bad like you don't go to work or you decide to stay and bad or you. You decide to drive your car into a tree or whatever like you could really be if you're hopeless you can have all those issues it impacts what So make sure everybody sees it how would how would that kind of thinking impact your spiritual life any of you on Sabbath morning go. I had a long weekend I'm really tired I don't really want to go so then what do you do you think what you feeling I'm tired I want to go on this one means that you do what. Same bad and then what happens I didn't learn anything today right OK let's do another one. 0 this is fun. I just think about Jesus I'm like why would I want to die for all those people that keep sinning Can you imagine that if he had done that then what he feels felt. Hopeless again right. What you have gone to the cross you know you would have said you know I just need to stay around and just do my own thing and then of course we would have all been lost. All right let's see if any other thing I mean any other thoughts you can think about how about my wife is out to get me. So large results OK how do you how do you feel joy throws up anything else. Now I'm going to tell her right OK And so slow and so what would your actions do. Did you know that I'll get her before she gets me well you know really OK And how does that impact your married life. Spiritually dead do you recognize that your thoughts if you don't take charge of your thoughts your actions are going to be very up and up and down and your spiritual life is going to be impacted Now let's say that your wife is not perfect but you married her and you're committed to her so instead of saying My wife is really on my last nerve What could you say what could you say. I'm going to replace you with. That's what happens when you choose somebody an orange. OK So let's come up with a nice committed happy thought of being. Because I chose her and because God is my savior I'm. You know and I'm committed to you for life and how would you feel about that I would special you would feel you would you would feel special that's nice if he said. Yes So let's talk about. OK yeah you're hopeful in the future you think that maybe with some work or whatever maybe you're going to go to a counselor like you are thinking about what you can do to improve that situation right and so then what could your actions be. To go to a counselor get somehow read a book go to the devotional and and when you're working on that relationship how does it impact your spiritual life. Yes So is it important to watch how you think yeah yeah OK so if you had a horse and you didn't have a bridle it would take you everywhere there's a verse in the Bible it talks about a pig that has a ring and it's now and they lead it somewhere and your lead somewhere like we have to take our feelings back because and how it does how can we get these feelings to be in the right place. I can do. Right and I can. That God will help me with my thinking so as soon as Orange starts thinking that way. Joy is going to have more joy in her feelings she is Joy She's going to have more joy because she's happy her actions are going to be different and her spiritual life is going to grow because she's going to see God helping now if she if he thinks I can do this on my own I don't really need God he's going to feel really confident and then he's going to do something and if it gets improved he doesn't give God the glory right because he didn't even ask God for help and so his spiritual life isn't going to get better so you can do positive things for the wrong reasons right so OK thank you to cure him with oh OK you did that OK Have joy today OK thank you thank you. So does that help to recognize that you have to take it back you can't always be worried about your feelings there's a Christian author who wrote a book called Healing damaged emotions by David seaman's if you have any of these issues it's a really good read another book. Is add in is home that talks about the feelings of love is a principle not a feeling she talks about how important it is to not be going by your feelings all the time but you should recognize what they are so that you can handle them according to Mrs White we are to act on principles and standards not feelings This is from science of The Times November 11th 1909 the promises of God Do not rest upon feelings they have a foundation as distinct from feelings as light is from darkness we must move from principle and when we do this we will move understandingly and not be controlled by varying emotions what impacts our emotions do you get impacted by being hot today. More people are killed on days when it's good you know that yeah murdered. Yeah anger comes up really fast when you're hot What about when your life is cluttered lots of stuff you get more anxiety How about when you have pressure yeah got a lot of things to do start to get irritated more anger. When you had something that was discouraging when you get depressed easier absolutely we have to recognize that we're going to have problems in this life but we are to meet them and when we recognize that we are going to meet them and that the Lord can help us it helps us to move forward you have a fast. Sure it's healing damaged emotions by David seaman's and it's S E am un D S S E am un D.S.. It is November 11th 889 Mrs White promises of God did not rest on feelings do not be controlled by your varying emotions Here's another one thoughts and feelings indulge or you feel oh you must be. The how do you know how you can get over losing your little stuffed animals. Thoughts and feelings indulge prepare the way for acts and deeds of evil it's not that we should be nurturing and kind but when we make it an obsession we actually can increase it which by the way reminds me of whatever we think about we think about more often. Right whatever we think about or we talk about people world recognizes very important somebody used to come up to me at church all the time and tell me about the body work they did on their car and every time I would see them coming I was like I need to be more interested and then they would tell me all about what they did on their car and you know I recognize that that person wanted to be recognized as a hard worker and that they were doing and they wanted to impress me that they were working you have to figure out why do people talk about why they talk about those things well the other thing was when Doug basher was here was that last year he talked about ice cream. 2 years ago he talked about ice cream many kept talking about his obsession with ice cream and how it when he was homeless she almost was tempted to pick up something that a kid dropped on the sidewalk because he loved ice cream and that he had this this obsession with ice cream and that it wasn't a normal obsession he just loves that cold ice cream and he had quit eating it because all he could think about is where all the Baskin Robbins were whatever and they at night across the road at the A.B.C. cafe they had a run on ice cream like you never saw before. Because whatever you talk about you think about right I had a woman in one of my sessions and she kept talking about how she's been having a hard time losing weight and I said really so what's been going on because you really are good exercise or and she said Oh I love chips and I just I love to take those salty chips and I love to put them in that dip and I just love the taste of that ship dip on my tongue and what do you think I wanted when I got home that night. Don't they do then and and anything that you see and commercial or whatever they see you see it dripping steaming and I'm like you whatever we think about we think about right we need to change channels on our brain. Counsels I'm sorry child guidance the real greatness and nobility of a man is measured by His power is to subdue his feelings not by the power of his feelings to subdue him the strongest man will restrain passion and forgive his enemies so rather than all Child Guidance 161.4 It's a good thing I'm on it today because you're on it too I could be in trouble and I have some handouts but I'm not sure that I'm going to get to those so I'm just going to keep moving here according to researchers gross and Hurriya and inability to regulate emotions is the root to many psychological disorders such as the common personality disorders called borderline personalities not regulating emotions will deepen your depression and make sure you make your anxiety worse I was sitting with Vicky Griffin and she was going on and on about but lor you also need to remember to tell them that they have to do their basic cell it wasn't that wasn't her word that's my word she said you know fresh fruits and vegetables fresh air drinking water doing exercise getting rid of that extra anxiety by getting rid of the adrenaline when you're walking she said we have to do all those things and then we can put our glasses on and see what's really going on with us because if we aren't doing some of the things that we need to do we might mistake some of those problems are causing us depression but that could actually alleviate much of those things so we need to also recognize that there is some health issues Mrs White wrote to her son when you do right and overcome wrong feelings the Lord is smiling on you. The Bible tells us we are to be content and joyful no matter what our circumstances are so can we find joy in a flat tire I don't know about that. Can we find joy when our plane gets cancelled and we want to go home. Can we find joy when our hot and sweaty I guess it's really up to us whether we continue to work really hard at being very positive. I'm going to I'm going to give you a little illustration we're made out of what. The word was dust or dirt wasn't. Our We Made It does dirt or clay. It's because I'm showing you clay that you started thinking now I wasn't I was going to tell you a joke and now I'm not sure I'm going to tell you if you say the wrong thing I know there was a little boy he was looking under the bed he saw some dirt bunnies dust bunnies dust bunnies and he says to his dad is it true that when we leave I mean that when we were born or whatever we were created from dust and his dad said Yup that's right and he said Is it true that when we leave this earth we're going to go back to Dustin's dad said Yup that's right he said well I just looked under my bed and somebody is either coming or going. So you're dust is going to be hot pink today OK I had to go all through and more looking for this dust thinking in fine pink a little bit difficult you know what all of us are just we don't really have much more. We might have some sharp edges Well it looks like a nose done. Maybe we have a little funny head and God is always trying to work on us now God is not a gingerbread boy but there is not such a thing as a god cookie cutter OK. So God is working on us and as we are praying and asking for him to help us with our feelings and the way we act and we're apologizing we're for good being forgiving of other people he keeps taking all these pieces off of us. And he says you know you're really impatient he takes that off that would be me and I should be a bigger piece. OK That's Laurie All right and then there's I don't know. She gets mad at Royce when he honks the horns and I take that off and the truth is that in the end to me he may even burn a few things or you know if you don't get low you can't get high right if you can't have bad things you don't appreciate good things right but when he's done we actually do look like the image of God Only we're not perfect until we get to have and we're still in our human form but we look more like him all the time because we're really spending time with him and ask him what he wants us to do and we're dedicating our day and we're saying yup today is yours God and I want to do whatever you want to do and he sees in us that we can look more like him it's so shocking that he would see that me you know but he really wants to make us into His image and that's the most important thing is that we submit ourselves to God and our emotions because apart from Him We are nothing we are absolutely nothing really invaluable but with him we're very valuable so now I'm going to stop and I'm going to ask you a question and the question is when you think about some of the things that we discussed today what is something. That was an insight to you that you know that the Lord wants you to work on in the way you've been thinking about things if you're willing to share that I would appreciate that one at a time not all at once Yes that's why I chose or. I know that my. Amen her emotions are stopping her from loving like Jesus and when you get what. OK so you feel anger and is there any skill that you can think about how you can start to turn that around. Yes actually coming apart and taking a break and not reacting fast. You know I do a lot of married counseling marriage counseling and show me a reactive couple that are like ready to fight and ready to say something immediately they don't sit there and think they don't say well when you say that that really hurts me instead they go you are me you know what you know as soon as they're reactive like that they have a much less chance of getting better because it's about them they want to make sure everybody knows how they feel about it and so. Yes it will ruin your whole day and then you have to go oh lord i'm like there's that saying about sin will take you farther than you want to go make you stay longer than you want to stay and make you pay more than you want to pay. OK anybody out something you learn today that you want to start practicing. And start. Or. Hank So when you know that you're thinking about something you're going to try and take what does it say take the thoughts what captive. Get your lariat out that's a word picture Yeah God help me catch that thought and change when I'm thinking because when I change it instead of saying I can't do this anymore you say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me the Lord gives you hope and you're going to move forward OK. 41 years since when since when March. Got me beat I was 41 years on June 12th OK. As I. Was. OK now I'm going to say it to the people that might not hear you you said you've been married for 41 years and you've had your ups and downs but there's many I thought that's been really important to you. That we've built our Together they one we know. And so with that our. Unhappiness there with you know with there is some of the. And but we think about. Other it. All because they felt that the Lord put them together when they have an issue that comes up between them who are they to think they can spoil it when God was the one who stablish their relationship and so rather than questioning him and acting on that they make it they come together and try to figure out what to do with this very good thank you anybody else a joy to your mother's somebody. That you say she says and what my mother said which is somebody has it worse than you don't we love to be victims oh woe is me but there is always somebody out there that has it worse than me right. Yes that's right and they persevered and those who purser veer you know it's why I'm so amazed at my son he persevered without that arm and I mean you know as parents died and his and he was bit and he was and he was hurt and he persevered is getting his Ph D. I just like to me when you persevered he said well that's because God was with me and I knew when those bad things were happening to me then may God very sad and I'm like you didn't swear at God and get mad and oh no I knew the Lord was suffering right along with me I'm like That is amazing that you would think that way what was that. Yes a lot of people are bitter and bitterness is about it's not fair as soon as you have that thought it's not fair watch out what else anybody else another thing that impacted them today go ahead. OK The 747 if you have children children and getting a. Panic disorders have you seen them. They can breathe into a lunch bag sometimes or you know those little windmills you can have them blow on those and that will help them get their oxygen that's something I used to do when I was working with children but yeah we have a lot of anxiety in this day and age and actually the way that a parent or a teacher acts will add and contribute to that you need to be very hopeful instead of going I don't know what we're going to do you go you know the Lord's been with us before and I know he's going to take care of us I kid you have your arm you've gone through a very difficult time with an explosion in your house having to live in a motel it's such a she's actually the pastor's wife from our cat and so I can't imagine what you said to your kids but go ahead you know we again self oriented I don't know why you don't like me I don't know why that person is being mean to me we don't know what I remind them of I don't know what's happened to them I don't know how hurt they are I don't know if they're calling for help but something why am I taking it personal they probably were that way before I met them but I think it's all about me really and I'm supposed to be meeting your needs because I'm serving God So we need to quit doing that OK one more. One having a great time with this plane. Yeah yeah I know that I have 2 minutes I'm really needing I'm really needing to go fast. We're going to. Raise. She's talking about Proverbs are really a word of truth and they can encourage you you know one of the things is that when Carlo my son he had Buddha curses put on him not to go get his book but anyway when he'd have Buddha curses put on a his his mother made them memorize Scripture and they recalled all the Psalms and every time that they had these terrible things those Psalms were of encouragement to me didn't know why you had to memorize them but he said I still memory I still recall them all throughout my life when there's a problem and I'm just like the scripture is such a huge relief God's promises are just true one day they're true all the time in every place and every day of your life and they should be even courage MN So thank you all for being here the next one you know what the next one is on. Yeah. It's on Wednesday it's in this room and it's still on thinking and I just can't remember the title of it that's why I asked you because I really kind of remember but anyhow we're going to have more discussion and feelings and thinking problems please if you would stand and we'll have prayer dismissed. I will tell you it's when life is unfair Oh yeah it's on Wednesday when life isn't fair and and the last one is on up tight instead of all right and we're going to be doing some exercises so that you actually are participating and changing the way you think next time so I promise you that that's what will do. Our hands Thank you Lord for each person here for each vessel that can carry information that you want to teach us Lord we thank you that that you love us that you care about us that you want us to have a good coping ability so that we can be better representative of you to the people that were around we pray Lord for the people who have thinking issues you will continue to impact them and that you will help them to have replace fears and concerns with truth that we will cope better because of that and Lord we thank you that you're coming soon and that we can be grown in your image as faulty as we are. This media was brought to you by audio force a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about what you 1st or if you would like to listen to more service please visit W W W dot Verse dot org.

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