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Malfunction to Miracles

Tom Waters Alane Waters
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Every marriage has a cycle of malfunction. This message gives practical steps to turn our malfunction into miracles in our marriages.

Recorded

  • April 3, 2015
    9:15 AM
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We need the prayers of one another don't we. And I've just been so. Impressed by all the young people the ones that you see out there the ones that are backstage not just the young people some of the adults that are helping to make all this happen a lot of things go on behind the scenes you know just having the mikes ready and all the equipments and the video and the sound in that there's a tendency at least. The natural tendency is that if nothing squeaks or squawks. Then nobody notices anything about the sound people or the audio or the people doing the mikes in the background if everything goes smoothly which means they're doing a great job in the Lord's blessing nobody notices but if something goes wrong everybody notices I just wanted to take a moment to say we're noticing all that's being done here behind the scenes and we're very thankful that the message can go even beyond here and we welcome those of you that are on the live stream this morning it's great to have you with us even though you can't be here in body so this morning we're going to be talking about something that we're excited about. Something that we've experienced a lot of in our marriage the marriage counselor now function Bowl. Of we've experienced a lot of malfunctions in our marriage and we've experienced a lot of the miracle working power. Of Heaven and so that's why we're excited this morning because God can take us from all the malfunctions to many miracles and I have to be honest and say that there are still some occasional malfunctions that happen but we know that his grace is sufficient That's right there are many examples we can bring before you today about malfunction and we just want you to think about your own marriage and the areas that you trip up in and your pattern of dealing with the complex is that's what we're going to talk about today and like I said we can give many examples but obviously the best ones are our own because we can talk about them very specifically so we're going to bring another one of our. Bloopers to you this morning and we're going to do what we want to do is express the situation that happened we're going to bring you into our lives into our story and then we're going to process it we're going to dissect it and then we want to look for how we go through it with God solutions and then the beauty of the outcome of what God will do for every one of us as we cooperate with him and turning those malfunctions into beautiful miracles. So this you want me to stop you I'll just go ahead I'll talk to. This experience happened very early in our marriage by the way wives are very good and so I said she could talk I'll just give you a quick overview of what wives are very good generally speaking to be able to one of my wrinkling your sugars are all the shows are coming to their very good being able to express the malfunction. Of a very articulate a way is so go ahead. So be listening men. Ok we have just been married less than 2 months right around the 2 month mark and my husband had been invited to be a groom's men and a special music a singer and a friend's wedding Now obviously we knew that before we were married we were engaged in a little while later his friend was engaged somebody he worked in actually with and this Fran asked him to be a participant in there in his wedding so like any healthy couple in love we discussed this because we realized it was right on the heels of our marriage of our wedding so we discussed it prior to him accepting it did you hear that guys prior to him accepting he said let me talk to a man about it and so we talked all about it we figure out how it's all going to work. And he accepted that honor of being in his friend's wedding the challenge and one of the challenging points about this was the when he did not occur where we lived there in a suburb of Chicago it was going to be back in the Boston area so that meant that travel had to incur so it was all figured out well ahead of time how we would handle it and what we would do and then the time came for this friend's wedding we have decided that. We've all came from families that that were savers and that's been both a huge blessing to us over 35 years of marriage so we haven't had a lot of conflict over finances and so I suggested to my dear new wife why that would be a bad time to be the wife to be at the time we were discussing it that would probably be more practical financially for her to stay home here's why. She didn't really know any of the people that were going to be in the wedding. It was going to be a relatively quick trip I would be completely consumed in my responsibilities here all these practical reasons. You're not buying it. Believe me we are buying it anymore either. But anyway this was the logic we were using and I was using particularly and it made sense to you right I agreed with it because I thought you know that's all right I can stay home you know when you 1st start a home there's a lot of things especially as ladies like to do to make it feel like our home and so I come up I can you know be fixing up things around home and and I really anticipated just kind of a turnaround time you know just a turnaround time this was all decided before he accepted the offer to be in their wedding well as we were married in time it was time to book the tickets it became evident to us that in order for him to get there for all the pre Lemon ery events that happened before the wedding he needed to be there on Friday which means he needed to leave on Thursday cause he's going to east so the weekend is growing and because the wedding is Sunday afternoon he is going to be coming home on Monday so this short turnaround we can all of a sudden grew by another day plus ball that's all right to you I mean I do have things occupy my time so we prepared and I can remember driving him to the airport now this is a long time ago but this is the days when you could actually go in. You can go right to the gate with the person you are going to be putting you know standing on the plane many of you are shaking your head jury member that right was it that night it is didn't just drop them off at the curb and say goodbye you could actually spend every last 2nd with them until they got on the plane Well the 1st surprise I had as we got to the airport is that he said Just drop me off. You're right I don't actually remember that detail but. I do assure you that's why I'm having you tell this right this is the birth. So the most of any good when there was there was because it was during my work hours too and he agreed Ok I have less time away from work if I just drop him off I could get right back on the road and get back to work and that made sense too but in my heart I was actually thinking of you of course you are not here on this thing. So I'll just have reminded me I was to. Give you all your cue so you know. Ok So anyway in my heart Where did I want to be as a new wife with him he was everything to me I wanted to go to the gate I wanted the last romantic hugging kiss I wanted to walk watch him walk down the jetway But you know I would wave at him as he goes in the door and I get you know keep going on I go back to work consume the rest the day but not without many thoughts of him. Elated when he would arrive there in Boston who would be picking them up what they might be doing I heard it all figured in my mind I even though I didn't know anybody there I only knew his friend and only met him he had actually come to our wedding but. I really did know the people involved so anyway that was the weekend Thursday night I went home and I expected a. Exactly did you hear all those melodious women voices. There was I don't think I heard a male voice in. Now again this was a long time ago this is when most early 5 years were still on the wall or on the table this may be the early days of a hand held maybe even before the hand held we didn't have a hand held we didn't have had him say Ok so everything was connected by you know chords. Anyway he didn't call me and I want to write you know the sleet and everything and so Friday morning I get up I go to work and think of him all day long I can't wait to get home from work I can't wait to be home because I'm anticipating a. Good guys who are really setting me up. For he said to tell the story military go from here. Well the weekend you know it was a whirlwind for me that was my excuse eternity for me even sometimes I was busy from the moment I got there and quite honestly I had way too much fun on the weekend and that is not a good thing when your wife is not with here Ok and I have to tell you that one of the things that I regret. Is that when we got married nobody picks explained to us and we meet couples all the time that I was still in a single mindset. When you say I do You don't just switch automatically the I do and the 2 should become one does not just happen because the words are sad and we say I do and so here I am off on a weekend and I'm just having that you know a busy but fun time being involved in all the festivities and the rehearsal and everything and I'm having fun and yes I did think of you did you tell me that I didn't think of you. I did miss you you tell me not to but I was a very busy and I never called her. This is a better response than I anticipated it's going to be Ok. Hold on. Back in those days. You had to make special arrangements to use I didn't even know these people I was staying in their home to carry out a very good excuse right. But. For whatever reason and the everything went really. And so I didn't you know were preoccupied actually you know I've become politically honest I thought I called you once but she says I never did so maybe it was just something that I wanted to do. Ever got around to while here's the other side of that made it a little more challenging for me is because I am planning my day with anticipation right there soon and I understand Friday night it's like finding I mean that's should be a no brainer you know Saturday night I thought Ok but I was anticipating it now in my work at the hospital I did travel I traveled as a nurse recruiter and in our engagement I actually left Chicago and I would go to different colleges around the United States recruiting student nurses when they graduated to come and be employed there so in our engagement no matter where I went at least once and usually more than once I found the foam I made arrangements and I called him remember them so I go sit down. So again we tell him this is seems basic and simplistic but we're going to dissect you're going to understand what happens that happens in your marriages that cost malfunction so of course that was that was my expectation I never said Are you going to call me I just expected it and it was true it was a good expectation yes I really failed so here it is Monday morning and I am driving back to O'Hare Airport and I have 2 choices I can get there to meet him as he comes off the airplane right or I can meet him at baggage claim. Where did I meet you dear. Vantage point here for. The other one right. Why now when I did you learn not to have to have a white when I took him I wanted to go inside you don't need to come inside you know I'm Arne is going to go to the game and get on the plane and it's going to go on Ok so I that that's where he wants it that's where I'll do it so when he comes back instead of meeting him with loving arms at the moment he steps out of the jetway I let him find his way through the airport. To. Cover that me. And that's another story but when. I met him a curbside and he was so happy I tell you he was all smiles I was very happy to see you I know you were. I was very happy to see you I couldn't tell exactly. And this is how women operate so man if you don't know this about your wife yet let me help you out We love you as our husband. We want to do what we know is right to do and that we really want to do but sometimes the selfishness in our character wants to punish you too or. Is that too strong a word of discipline correct. Reprove. Who are not being in tune with us right. There right. Saul I did give him a hug I did give him the kid and I did smile but it was a. Small You know it wasn't just one that. Flowed like it is did it was a smile that comes from a young bride who has been spending the last 4 nights. Thinking why is my husband not calling me and so that develops into a story. And so we want to talk about some of the malfunction that happened we call them the miss or the Mrs Ok. There was a misconception. At the very beginning of all this while we were engaged there was a misconception about what was going to happen when I left my wife behind I don't leave my wife behind you I did. Learn a very valuable lesson and that I don't want to leave you behind now that's even better that's even better and you know the financial part of it will work that out as. We will be together she leaves me now to go have Graham for the grand babies right yet with my blessing. And then I join her when I can. So the misconception of why it was Ok to separate this was the 1st big mis in our malfunction. We looked at it strictly from a logical perspective it was not Ok it was not necessary we had plenty of money k. where no children we both have good jobs earning good money there was no reason why we needed to be separated that was a misconception another misconception was the fact that I expected him to think when I was thinking. Yes I expected him to respond the way I responded when I would travel rank I did not communicated that to him I didn't say Are you going to call me are when should I expect you to call me even if that kind of thing I just assumed because this is the way I think in this is what I would do that he would do it right that's a big miss we're going to. Buy this misconception assuming that because we're married there would be no temptations Ok and. There were temptations this weekend then I recognized as a married man that was still living somewhat in a single mentality Ok because one of the problems that I had prior to marriage which the Lord dealt with me on was flirtatious miss and. I was tempted with that kind of conduct now I'm happy to say that by God's grace and maybe even back then not understanding the dynamics I need good decisions but where I fell in that temptation was just getting swept into involving myself in the for volatility of the occasion you know the rehearsal dinner and their wedding wasn't like our wedding and got into their through just the guys our guys and you know the grooms groomsmen and all that scene you know I was I would have been much better off having. My helpmate with me and so that was a misconception. Another misconception is we take each other for granted he made assumptions and took me for granted I just dropped him off I'm going to pick him up and you know that was that was the plan unintentional taking for granted. So that was just one more misconception that was that was not all expecting. Expecting to have my wife point to a part of the page. We had the expectation that they're going to enter into our experience Ok I come home after not calling my wife. The whole weekend and I come home and I expecting that she is going to feel so low elated to see me and I'm going to tell her all about your great we. Have. Almost all about my great weekend. But she's not really interested in my great weekend and that's not what you know that was another misconception and on the other hand my misconception is I expected him to enter and why it bothered me that he didn't call and why I wasn't just you know so excited just to follow right on hand with all of his you know stories from the weekend because I wanted him to feel something like a little bit. Sorry or bad that he really didn't make. I was going see any effort a great effort at least to communicate with her so that was a misconception we expect one another to enter in to our premise our feelings our experience and we we want them to come here he wants me to go there and we are on 2 different planes to different planets at that point in this is what. Many of you and others new people here many of you have heard us over the years. Talk about the me focus versus the us focus or the single minded focus that's unintentional it happens naturally and when that happens it means that we have the context of mean why wouldn't she want to be excited Well why wouldn't she because I never made her a part of it I didn't even call her if I would've called her every day and given her a little report of what was going on then I could have expected because it would be us but I'm thinking so what's her issue why isn't she excited about what I. Want her to be excited about why didn't her part of it in much of the the mail function that you experienced in marriage if you boil it down and you can probably think of your own malfunctions while we're talking it boils down to we're Mel functioning because I am over here with my perspective and why doesn't she see it and she's over here with her perspective on why doesn't he love me why isn't he tender towards me why isn't he whatever and it won't work that way so now we can talk about the Miss. Conduct. So we had some misperceptions and now we've got misconducts. And that's what happens in the me focus is the misconduct when we are in the meat focus or the single minded focus we are not thinking it's the to show become one I tell you for many years we have been thinking living loving in the us it's wonderful I mean just yesterday we were sharing with a couple here and you know we said we didn't know we had no idea Love can continue to grow like it does. I hope you're experiencing that because we've been married 35 years and it just gets better and better. Anybody experiencing back to. Good it just gets better and better and love the girls but when you're not in the us focus. Giving love but instead exacting it when we're not in that focus when I could be happy a few. Then we have misconduct as a result. So I would talk about some of my misconduct let's not call I was very. That was misconduct or do you think men. There's no excuse there's no excuse there wasn't really a good excuse there because I could've if my mind would have been where it should have been and not just off doing other things I could have made a way to do it and I think one of the other aspects of why this is difficult for us especially as women is that we were we think are many channels at the same time and men tend to think that one thing at a time they're kind of like box thinkers you know so women and now I understand that but then I didn't so I can understand why he went there now that when he got into this situation that's where he was. In he can now understand why I can be you know doing something at work or any number of places and still be thinking about him so we didn't know that about each other because we again expect them to think and respond because that's that's our framework and we just assume it's their framework as well so what's our misconduct ladies. Is it all ham. You know it's never just one it's 2. If I would've allowed the Lord to be number one in my life. The weekend could have been very different even if he his conduct was no different than it was because he could have come back and I would have met him at the gate and I would have been happy to see him and by God's grace I would have entered into his entire weekend with joy. But our misconduct that we have is when our feelings are hurt when things don't go our way. We star allowing the devil to bring through temptations that we take up and we own. And before the weekend was over my mind was in such a negative thinking channel did I love him absolutely could I hardly wait for him to get home Absolutely and I would have been sick and if something would have happened like if he was in a plane crash or something I would have been totally devastated in grief. Of heart. But he never knew them because what took 1st place was the negative thinking about why didn't he. Do what made me happy. And so that's a huge misconduct in it happens both ways but I think in most of this the situations I think women are more prone to this area of misconduct so we talk about misperceptions you all have done we have misconduct now we want to talk about miscommunication because there could have been a better resolution to this when I got back if I didn't try to justifying myself. Whenever we try to justify or selves which is where I went when she said with. A coming of a Call me. While I told her I was too busy I didn't tell her I was too single focused because I wouldn't sound very hurt either you're having too much fun herself into much fun but I justified myself and that's our 1st response it was Adam's 1st response with the very 1st call to accountability with God It's the woman. That you made for me all I did is to by you know just downplaying my part that is what human not just men but that was the 1st man's response to God's accountability we have been doing that ever since and we don't do that like we used to do that we are communicating so much better and communication well miscommunication is the number one reason marriages break down number one reason mis communication. That's it and then very closely tied with finances. And so if I would have come back and say Oh honey I am so sorry. I can't even see you I came to you and that's why if I was going to if I would have just come back and just poured out my heart but you can't do what you can't do if self is in charge or me focus is there how can you do that because you don't have the insight to do that and so I didn't do that and so the miscommunication continues. On Monday and Monday night Ok because I justified myself in my situation this is what he said. Or something like this what's the big deal. You know so wonders what communication is that to my ears. You don't care it's like what is my problem right because to him it's no big deal so obviously I'm the problem and how does that fit when you're already offended. Not well and when you are already are living in responding in the cell focus or defensiveness that he had or justification he had became defensiveness that I had so my communication back to him was not a golden communication it was a communication of I don't like what happened. You you know you hurt me and you know he should feel bad about it and he thinks it's no big deal so we both had miscommunications Yes and that is happening in your marriages as well the question is are we learning from these experiences or are we just being too lives of malfunction in our marriage was Ok we made the decisions by God's grace and continue to that we are not going to live complacently with malfunctions that we understand but we are going to move to the miracle working power of God that we didn't understand very practically But I tell you God is a good teacher if we're willing and we can change and that's what excites us Ok that's what excites us about this message is there every couple here can move from Mel function what ever it is them at whatever level it is to miracles beginning today there's nothing that hinders us from that and the last Miss. Talk about the last Miss Miss understanding. My voice misunderstanding so we had misconceptions. Misconduct miscommunication and now we've got major misunderstanding right. And it is you know if we could see ourselves it we're human right this is our situation if we could step out and sit where you're sitting when there's no problem between us and watch ourselves go through this we would think how utterly ridiculous is this to seem to adopt people acting this way toward one another when they really love each other we would think how utterly ridiculous but when you're in it you don't see it is that true it's very very true and so we come through these things and now we have major misunderstandings because of something as simple as new phone call. Because we have followed the devil's pattern and pathway to dysfunction try step by step by step by step and now what the devil wants to do with this misunderstanding is he wants us to get stuck there. Just there like quicksand you know slowly sinking in it and I don't know about you I do know some of pubic spirits is probably more are most of you we've had this week you can actually let these kind of misunderstandings go on for days we've met couples that they have gone on for years over something that happened 2 or 3 years earlier that they have never resolved they have never been able to talk it through and confess and repent and be forgiven in forgive to so misunderstandings are huge My misunderstanding was I didn't really think he cared it was more important for him to have his life with his friends how he wanted to do it then it was to be thinking about me so that told me you really don't care about me then that's not a true statement but that's how distorted our thinking goes very quickly that was the misunderstanding on my side and for me the misunderstanding was sensitive. To the heart cry Ok if this is something that if every man could come to understand enter into by the grace of God praying to to let God to have access to us. We are good at arguing we are good at making our point we are good at making bold statements were good and all these kind of things as men what we are not good at what we need God is that we could break this whole cycle of malfunction by simply in this situation by simply letting the Holy Spirit take the Golden Rule do unto her right now what I wish she could do for me is to hold a little. Right now myself wants her to understand me somebody needs to understand the other person in this case my sensitivity to her and it came and I'm thankful in our marriage even at the worst times in our marriage we didn't take days and weeks and as she said yours I mean that may unless you're in it may stink it's unbelievable we know people that have been in these situations for years because they will not. Humble themselves Ok Fortunately we never went for well a couple days maybe in some bad situations but but then the Holy Spirit's get gets through but it doesn't have to this misunderstanding often what happens in many marriages is this misunderstanding what caused it can be completely forgotten about. And we live in a misunderstanding so every communication is filtered through mis understanding and everything looks a different color everything feels different everything is a different attitude and we live in a mis understanding environment and it affects marriages in the long term God wants to break that he wants to solve those malfunctions. So do you want America to run live a malfunction. Miracles So we're going to look at some steps that we think God can help us do to change our malfunction patterns of our relationship and move us into living in the marital keeping power of Christ 1st Corinthians the 7th chapter in the 3rd verse says let husbands speaking to husbands 1st Gospel order but husbands render unto the wife. Due benevolence as well as big words so explain it. God is asking us as man somebody says Somebody needs to break the cycle Ok God is asking us as man to treat our wives in a manner that demonstrates to them without even speaking words that really care for them in a tender compassionate loving way women need to be. It needs to be manifest that they are deeply loved and that there is no one that I love above my wife in the human realm Ok that's benevolence that's kindness that's reaching out and what that means in simple simple terms very practically It means that I need to be willing to step up when there's these Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss I need to step up by God's grace because the Holy Spirit is always calling we can never say I didn't have a clue that my anger was wrong that my spirit was wrong that my attitude was wrong we know the Holy Spirit's calling to us Ok I need to step up and give love. Give love not wait and demand respect. Men want to be respected men who want to be adored looked up to complimented talked about how wonderful we are men love those kinds of words of affirmation but we need to step up and give love. And when we give that then things begin to happen because the heart is melted. And has something else to members. Then it says and Likewise likewise also all the wife and to the husband so it's not one sided isn't God fair because God knows that's what we need God knows it because that's who he is and that's who he wants us to be in his image benevolent having a disposition to do good acts of kindness intentional reaching out intentional love that's what God is saying through that one word so that is something that we as wives can also do it's our privilege when you hold onto your feelings when you hold on to your her when you hold on to the misunderstandings when you're living in the mouth function you become more and more and more and more and more miserable. And you create the atmosphere that's more and more and more unhealthy and miserable so God doesn't does that put all the responsibility on the husband he puts it equally to both because we are both party to the malfunction. So we want to talk about very quickly this won't take long but if you're taking notes this is a good time to take notes because now we're talking about resolution Kerry you all know how it fits for you Ok because the 1st thing we want to identify is that of the pattern of our malfunction in marriage and every marriage has that we've been marriage counseling for the last 26 years we could tell you incredible stories of malfunction that would make you weep and we could tell you miracle stories that would make you weep Ok And many of those stories have been the same couple k. unbelievable circumstances of malfunction that you would think with man this is impossible but with God all things are possible and we've had the privilege over the last 26 years to participate and see God's work miracle after miracle after a miracle that's why we get excited so don't be afraid to identify your pattern of malfunction because we have won anything of that you are malfunctioning in your marriage has a pattern and you know what it is stop blaming and start looking for that pattern that's the 1st thing identify the pattern if we don't identify it we will never deal with it and it'll just keep happening again in the in the end so this is the part about being honest and let the Lord really open our hearts Secondly not only must we identify it but now we must individually take ownership of our part of it it's easy if we're going to indemnify human nature is easier than fight because this is his problem. It's easy for him to identify my problem but this is our problem and this is why we need each one to take ownership of our individual parts and it's very important when we've experienced this we've experienced everything we're talking about that's why we're talking about it and it's easy when we come to identifying that we want to get the other person to take the responsibility for their part that is that is not our place as Elaine just said it is important for us to own our side of it and that means we have to talk about it openly we have to it's not good to talk about it when you're in the midst of it Ok when you're not in the midst of it sitting together and talking about how does this happen how does this break down and you will know exactly how it breaks down and if you don't break down talking about it you can begin to resolve it very quickly. Number 3 what can I personally contribute to creating the miracle you know inspiration tells us that when we offer our prayers to God we need to do everything in our power to cooperate in answering those prayers and this is not talking about works it's all the power of God but it's us cooperating that means that when I recognize that I trigger certain kind of reactions to my wife when I am harsh or when I am inconsiderate or when I I need to not only identify that but I need to prayerfully contribute to the miracle of change by letting God change me in it will happen it will happen. And this is this is the key here but it's not the most important key blasphemes the most important key but this is a vital part of resolution of living in the miracles of God desires us to live in and that's for both of us to take on what I can do to change it and I tell you what is help me more than anything else is to stop looking at the weaknesses or faults our shortcomings of my husband and start looking at what God wants to meet me as his help me and insists wife and how I am to love and to honor to respect and to serve him when that becomes what's in the forefront of my thoughts then it's easy to resolve conflict if I'm only thinking about what he did wrong and how it affects me and why I have a right to feel this way I'm miserable he's miserable and we live in dysfunction so one of the ways that we can educate ourselves is that we can take our focus in our quiet times in our personal study we can take our focus to what it means to be a Godly husband a godly wife we can spend time there and we have spent years of study in this area and we never stop learning from it. I can remember when I used to be deeply involved in study of prophecy and time events and that the Lord called in my heart and in that still small voice no audible voice you know one day I had fallen very badly in the family really you know 9 years ago forgot it as a body ritual spiritual fall with being mean to my wife speaking to her in a very harsh and kind ways and and I was just pouring out my heart to the Lord and the father came to me is that you've got all this light shining on the path out in the future. And you're walking in darkness today in your own marriage. What a wakeup call to me and I begin to study how to be a man that learns how to die the self how to be a Godly husband in how to be a God the Father and I put my energy there in the devil came to me and taunted me and said You will never be able to debate you will never be able to answer the hard questions you will never. I have never faced a hard question since then that God has not given me the grace to speak to even though I don't put my study into prophecy like I used to I still believe that we need to be there in the books of Daniel revelation that we're living in those times with my emphasis even today is to study of the Be the man God wants to make me the Christian the husband and the father and so if you want to get better clues take time to study into these areas like Carolyn said yesterday morning I mean that's the kick start to every day that's where we need to that's where we need to be spending our time is connecting with God So he his grace which is our 4th point it's impossible without him right it is totally impossible to get out of our mouth function even if we know all the steps if we try to do in our human strength because this is a divine energy a divine power we need that supersedes our human power and our human weaknesses and as we take time to connect with him in real life the real means that we have every day we go through the day making the same blunders over again and we live in our malfunctions whether it's in our marriage our family our earth with other people or whoever it may be with even in our own personal lives so we need to connect with God and recognize that we cannot change without him. That's number 4. So Jeremiah 3227 if you want to write this down Jeremiah 3227. As. The whole I am the Lord. The God of how much flush the God of all flesh is there anything too hard for me we need to believe that this situation that we face is not too hard for God and we will believe that it's not too hard for God If we spend time connecting our weakness with his strength and so that's number 4 number 5 give each other permission this is being vulnerable but we do it in our home give each other permission to identify when the cycle begins today the pattern it's happening. And when we gave each other this permission when it happens it's a call to our heart because. It's not the moment that we necessarily want to hear that it's happening but we've given each other permission and the amazing thing is we've also given God permission so that when we give the permission to each other God reminds us that this is his work in us we are allies against a common foe not enemies we're not enemies. Devil wants us think we're enemies when we're in the fight so we need to give each other permission to identify when the cycle begins before we we get into a deeply 60 areas we need to pray specifically about the patterns we have in our marriage prays specifically for change pray specifically for my heart to be changed from for me to be sensitive to God's will for me to have the Lord put a watch over my words my time my speech my attitudes my thinking if we pray specifically God answers specifically if we pretty generic only we get generic answers so pray specifically God loves to answer those prayers and for us and we would encourage you we pray specifically together. Ok it's great to play specifically we need our own personal connection with God But it's also a blessing to pray together about these m l functions because we're hearing each other's hearts number 7. Don't give up get up the devil wants to keep us down. The devil wants a youth to believe yet may work for other people it may work for Tom and Elaine. But their situation is different than mine the devil wants to keep us down he wants to stand on our heads but remember what Jesus said in Genesis 315 when he promised to put enmity between us and that serpent and Jesus got his heel bruised by the devil but he crushed the head of the serpent. It's not meant to be the other way around the devil wants to crush out the life of our marriage and he wants to think that he can convince us that when we are down he can keep us down don't let the devil keep you down don't give up get up and keep going. That's our part to cooperate with the grace of God Luke 18. Let me just read to you in closing Luke 18 and verse 27. When Jesus said that the famous will which are impossible with men are possible with God. You may think a very easy or malfunction has been Mel functioning so long that it is impossible to change Jesus is here to say to us today it is impossible with man. But with God. All things are possible. You want to miracles in your marriage. We all can move from malfunctioned to miracles and I tell you I love the living life with this girl. I learned there is nobody you love it too good there's nobody had rather be with them this girl right here and she knows that we can't we were flying the other day and we got a free upgrade and that was nice to 1st class but I was on one row on the far right side of the airplane by window and he was several hours behind me in an aisle seat and usually people are nice in the switch because they can tell we kind of like to be around each other and they'll switch with us so we can sit together it was so hard on my husband because the people the lady who was next to me was with the family so they were all in the rows so obviously she wouldn't be the one to move she had young children but the lady next to him she did not want to move she's going to stay this is her seat now because she want to be by me but because she wanted that scene it's oh it was so hard on him if I could feel little eyes you know like coming to you live. I'm all by myself. I think you're going to think may think this is you know it all by myself just go to sleep. Well I thought well maybe you maybe Lord you want me to you know have a conversation with this lady she didn't want to have nothing to do but then see if you saw us and went to sleep. And you only missed me and while you were away that's where if you have to get so anyway that that's activeness So God wants our marriages. To be a little bit of a representation between. The way Christ wants to deal with his church his love for his church Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for. That's a big order isn't it but God is in the business of miracles and when he works those miracles it is joy is Joy Ok let's let's deal together as we close in prayer. Father now then we are so full for your love to us we're thankful for the privilege of marriage. And institution that you set up he said that it was not good for man to be alone and we thank you for this arrangement I thank you for the woman you've given me to be by my side to be to help me to me to be a blessing to me I pray Father that I will love my wife in only the ways that you can help me love her then I will meet her needs in the way that you help me to recognize and meet those needs that are alive can not only be a rich blessing to ourselves but also to our family and that each marriage here today would. Move 1st desire but then choose to move from now function into the beautiful round of miracles that can happen on a daily basis in Jesus' name we pray Amen. This media was brought to you by audio verse a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse or if you would like to listen to more servant leader visit w w w dot audio dot org.

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