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Romance and Courtship: Who has a Better Love Story?

Anil Kanda

Description

Tackle the big ideas of God, sex, relationships, the gospel and how to do life well! Grasp inspirational and relevant lessons from the incredible story of Abraham. These practical presentations will combine the most up-to-date Biblical and apologetic research o many hot topics in the world and church today.

Presenter

Anil Kanda

Pastor in the Central California Conference

Recorded

  • January 2, 2020
    10:45 AM
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This message was presented at the joints. In Louisville Kentucky for other resources like visitors. And we our heads for another word apparently the spirit to be here. Father we just thank you so much again for this time we pray and ask that you bless us in lightness of God we claim James Chapter 51 verse 5 this is for any man lack wisdom let him ask of God who operate not give to all men liberally and so Jesus we claim that promise that you would bless us with practical wisdom spiritual with Heavenly Wisdom thank you so much for him prayer in the name of Jesus amen right. Today's message isn't tell who's got the better love story who's got the better love story in Adam and Eve Abraham Rachel Isaac Rebecca Jacob and Rachel Roe Ruth and Boaz have some you already come to me and attempt to tell me what you think is the best love story so he said Ruth and Boaz some of you have said Isaac and Rebecca some you have said your own love story. The So we're going to be talking about romance today romance I want to tell you something right off the back I am no guru on romance and I want to come here as if I'm some kind of say on dating and marriage but I do want to share with you what I believe is some things that are reasonable that are scriptural Biblical and spiritual and good for us to understand Amen I do want to share with you there was actually this one time. As about 3 years ago. Somebody calls me up and says Hey. There's this guy who's been hanging out with me and I don't know what to do he hasn't made this intentions clear you know he wants to keep spend time with me and so I said to her I said this is what I want you to do I want you next time you want to spend time with you to tell him no and I said don't appear emotional don't appear like you know just like you just you just tell him No thank you and do it 2 or 3 times and then she's like Ok what's the reason why trust me you'll understand why and so she did it he came by and it's like hey let's hang out like you know and she just walked off and did what she was doing there both working and one church then he came by again and he's like hey I'm going to go biking do you want to join us she's like no and she went on to do what she was doing and this is what happened I get a call from him. So he calls me up and he's like hey I'm interested in this girl I knew who he was talking about and yeah and he's like yeah what should I do and I said Well what's happening I've been hanging out with her and you know she said you know recently what do I do and I said this is what I want to do when she says no and I said I want you to stay here can we sit down and talk and I want you just to be just right out there and just say you're interested in her and you'd like to know more and spend some time with her and he's like Ok so he does it and then she calls me back and she's like I know this is what happened I told him no and he told me he sat down with me and he's like hey let's let's talk with spent time together and she's like What do I do and I said Tell him you will not give him an answer right now. And then he calls me up a week later and he's the slap true story and he's like you know he's like I did what you asked me to do and she told me just to wait a week and like to worry about it yeah. And you know what if the end of this by the way they end up dating they got married praise the Lord. And I felt like I was dating myself the whole time. I thought What advice would I give to an l m l n l And then a female in the right anyways so today we're going to be talking about romance we're going to be very practical and going to talk about different things so right off before we start the actual presentation I want to ask you a question and Shane are you here or Shane at the bar you for a 2nd maybe are. You kind of are you for a 2nd but he has an Indian name my brother in law's Indian name as well I want you to go people hold on to the mike don't let go of the mike but you and I here's the question I want to ask you what do you think is the most important trait that should be in another person that you potentially want to date or marry one day here's a caviar don't state the most obvious answer is she has to be spiritual she has to love the Lord and she has to be a 7th Day Adventists I get that we get that right now. Everyone understand. So besides that you're just like Ok they got to have this tree raise your hand just one word Tell us what that is are we got some hands over there let's avoid a discourse probably got the mike for a reason go ahead Ok. Communication communication Excellent all right. You know. Honesty honesty Ok anybody else with some hands over there against the wall. Please share. The ability to say no really say no. Their stability. Ability Ok. Compatibility compatibility Ok anybody else anybody else. Except me for what I am they accept you for who you are Ok good at some other hands over here. Humility and compassion for others Ok let's take a few more Ravi and we're almost done saying in the vision same vision Ok intelligence diligence I like the way he said it to. You might interpret this differently but I want someone who's I would see someone who has the cut the quality of being calm or chill in a way that's not stressful someone who's not immediately stressed out at anything Ok I understand. That those 2 of the last ones. Servant Leadership Ok somebody who doesn't snore. All right thank you so much Robbie. All right. And we'll end on that note Ok. Yeah and so these are these kinds of things are very important to discuss and I think they're all part of this whole thing romance is a very important thing Amen and Amen All right let's read this every person has an innate desire for love God created to love and to be loved in relationships are part of that divine formula we often hear amazing stories of couples falling in love and then sharing the story in its most attractive light and nothing is wrong with this each person desires a love so deep so unique and so special especially for those who are single and available because you can be single and not available a man. Amen more people need to understand people and it's easy to assess these picturesque tales of romance and wonder what a ship before them which love story will be their love story which one is the greatest write who has the best love story who has the best love story you know when you read the Scriptures from Genesis all the way to the end of the Bible you want about different love stories that exist in Scripture and each one has its own bells and whistles and style and formula and you see such beautiful pictures of Adam need before their falling condition of that supposed to be Moses and so for about the only picture found was from Prince of Egypt and then we have. Ruth and Boaz and Jacob and Rachel and we have stories of song The Solomin I mean through in James and home and in there as well and we've heard such beautiful love stories and it's very interesting because as we're looking at these pictures we wonder to ourselves which one of these is the best love story which one of these love stories will be like my love story and as you're contemplating these things I want to share with you something very old brought up and here is the answer which one of these love stories is the past none of them like wait a minute I didn't say there weren't good stories they're all good love stories but none of them is the ideal love story what I mean by that none of them are the best human love story there's a tendency to look at the unique ways that people came into love and then make those situations the rule of law of how it should happen for them. Can you say mentor that I know some of you are probably looking for a well to be by today right maybe looking for some kind of harvest to be around me I'll just I'll just do this thing that's found in the Bible right and maybe the situation will happen for me right many times after observing how people begin a relationship it becomes easy to make those unique methods and circumstances the picture of romance Fortunately similar to conversion each love story is meant to be special and one of a kind but relationships are messy can you say amen to that relationships are messy plain and simple you know I'm going to we mark college many moons ago and therefore we would have a week of prayer speaker and you might have experienced something like this they'll be talking about different things and you just can't wait till they talk about the the sermon on romance and like Wednesday or Thursday they start talking about how they fell in love with their abroad who's in the audience and smiling right then and them and you hear this own mazing story and they're just like at the end of the story and the like and I came to this place where I finally surrendered all. And the very next day she walked into my house. And you come out of that store you think to yourself oh oh I know why I've been single so long I haven't surrendered you go back to your dorm room and you're like you can't assume your body it's time for us to surrender tomorrow the Lord has an answer for us right and you surrender with wrong motives right I mean you're really not surrendering your ducks are running with the hope that things will take place because he surrendered right and the very next day you bring your Adventist home we seduce that we mark college we go into the lunch with Adventist home and sit down during lunch. Not even joking or exaggerating right now hoping some beautiful woman would see that you are interested in making. The letters of haven't so much glamour and shine to the light right seen it all done and all friends and here's the thing for us to understand that is this your love story is going to be different Amen it's not going to be as packaged as you wanted to be in fact it's going to be very messy so I've decided to make this as practical as possible within the sort of dynamics of that which is right and appropriate for us as 7 them as Christians specially in these times to understand and follow Can you say meant to that So what is that you know when you read writing she talks a lot about being single she talks a lot about courtship and then she talks a lot about marriage but she intentionally does not describe a stage from where the single person actually goes into finding somebody and the reason why and I think the Spirit understands this fully is that in every culture and phase of humanity these things would change we're no longer living in a grand society where your father your mother will go to your neighbor's farm and they meet their father and mother and will say to them I have a young man. She will make he will make a good husband for your daughter that is bring them together right we all longer live in that kind of culture any more society has changed the site that we're a part of has changed to a great degree it doesn't mean that parents are printers are not involved in that but it does mean things have changed and so important for us to understand what are some principles for us to understand who are perhaps in that phase or wanting to be in that phase you study of the story of. Isaac and Rebecca Adam and Eve and all these beautiful love stories and we can extract principles but we need to be mindful of not making those exact methods and situations our own can you say amen to that because often times it sets a person or your for us where we will be waiting a very very very long time for something to happen when God did not intend for it happened that way so let's continue with this there are picturesque and idealistic pictures of romance I was actually on a panel with somebody recently and they share their beautiful love story and you know everyone did in the audience oh I and this person said that I was in the middle of nowhere and I was like God you can provide somebody for me as a missionary and lo and behold a month later somebody came into my life there I was in the middle of nowhere and you know what everyone thought in the audience I'm not going to do a single thing I'm going to do exactly what she did and this went with this this is something that begins to happen many times we hear a love story we see a love story we see a romantic picture of the way that God was leaning we think to ourselves wait a minute that must be my story you know we can extract principles and guidelines but we need to be very careful of being idealistic when it comes to romance when you say men to them in fact I'm actually shown some lines that are going to be idealism at its finest What are they. Here is one line I am waiting for the absolutely perfect one number 2 I am willing to wait a long time for them to change their mind about me. Because sooner or later things will just happen right I think I know what I'm doing here's the other one I don't think I know what I'm doing. I just couldn't be with anyone else no one can make me happy but this person is not the one I want to love story to tell my friends and children about one day I dreamt about them. I plan to write a book on how to find the right one that's why my love story has to be packaged well or how about this one the 1st person I plan to day in court I'm going to be marrying that person right all right so we're not done yet with this I prayed once about it I don't need to pray about it here's another one they started asking questions about gone. Well you have to wait till she's baptized for you all right let's keep going with this we're getting tattoos of our names on each other as a symbol of our commitment. Let's get going I am praying for a special sign that we should date right God already led me to this person in the we broke up if we don't all to me Get together it will mess up my witness to my Facebook friends and I'm going to have to take down my couple's pictures right now about this one I just don't have peace about them here she is getting out of jail early for good behavior. And if you think I just made these up it will surprise you because I did not. Her name is Rebecca Rachel or even must be God. I but this one his name is. And I love the story of Ruth right what else is sort of an idealistic phrase that a Says continue with this she glanced in my direction 2 times the day. He liked 5 of my social media post. Is another one it's no one's else's business how about this one even though we've been dating for over 2 years now he's still not ready to commit he just needs more time to think about 2 years we are planning just to get to know each other for 12.3 months then core for exactly 1.5 years get married after that in a castle have $3.00 kids within 6.5 years. Now friends we are talking about idealism at it's finest and we can talk and laugh but I know for a fact that many of us have thought or said these very same lines and it's probably in some of your journals as well right we've all been there right because we want to have this story book picture of when it comes to romance but here's some amazing advice from one might notice what she says right here she says this to those who have such ideas of the married life whose imagination has produced the note is this phrase in air castle picture that has nothing to do with life perplexities and troubles who find themselves sadly disappointed in reality if those here's I'm amazing advice who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable unhappy reflections after marriage they must make it a subject of serious earnest reflection when now this step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of young men and women it is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure success or failure in this life and their hopes of the future life. Friends this is important for us to understand right I mean her her advice is to think about it a man she wants you to reflect about it to think deeply about this and to be practical when it comes to this and speaking of practicality we're going to go to someone who's actually fairly successful in the marriage game who are going to go to we're going to go to this old man right here who happens to be a theologian a stall or a writer and author and also the founder of the harmony is the name is deal Clark Warren he has written several different books and and by the way I do want to point this out now I'm not making a case for online dating but I do want to say this one of the reasons why it's apprehensive to many people is because it does not look like a storybook romance of friends it's more important of what happens after the marriage and what takes place just right before right let's continue with this so what does this founder of harmony understand well I want you to see this is amazing some of the stats if you are me are just staggering one of the stats from you harmony take a look at this somebody one percent of women and 69 percent of men met their spouse on the harmony get this within a year 15000000 matches a day from people who are really interested in a day are created on the site harmonious response look at this 4 percent of us marriages 4 percent about this 1542 people get married every day because if you harm us currently currently a few years ago with only 200 plus 500 people are getting married today because of the harmony how about this 160-0000 you how many couples have gone and married and this one is a part I want to get to a divorce rate 3.86 percent 3.86 percent compared to national average which is around 40 to 50 percent somewhere in average check the most current one today. I mean this is interesting now you may think yourself I want nothing to do with online dating this is not about online dating but I want you to undersea understand something and that is this apparently they understand something about dating and romance and marriage and it would be foolish for us to sort of bypass whatever wisdom we can glean in regards to that can you say amen to that amen All right so you take this guy knew Patrick Well this is their choice for governor. Horan and you Neil Clark Warren he says this right here he says this when you just steal down what makes people the most viable match for each other where we see the greatest connections the greatest commitments where we see the least amount of divorce and the break ups he says I've distilled it down based upon all our stats these 6 characteristics Well what are these 6 characteristics and they are number one refused to spend a sizeable amount of capital for what the next word superficial Capriles Now imagine a quality So imagine if you're going to a grocery store you have $50.00 right and you have everything else just one out of the fridge there's nothing left in the fridge are you going to be buying desserts and cakes and you know all sorts of nice game where you can be vying for that $50.00 is going to last you for 2 weeks. Yeah you can by being price you can buy everything cheap and sustainable right in other words you're going to prioritize your needs and what he essentially says is too many times we take sort of up the laundry list when it comes to quality so interesting the person we sort of put everything on equal footing but he says no no no what you need to do is actually hone in on the greatest ones like the 5 or 6 top quality that you're just like absolutely end of the day this is going to be so essential when it comes to marriage when it comes to dating when it comes to romance never to look for wall potential What is he talking about when he means that look for all potential He's not just referring to people that don't have traits or abilities but he's talking about individuals that perhaps may be in school and on the way to graduating and then getting a full time job and so he's pointing at just areas where their potential for success is there or qualities that somebody may have and that person is developing but not has reach number 3 looking for a person who's most passionate dreams for the future significantly overlap your own Now if you're going to let's just say what state are we in right now we're in Kentucky you're going to California you plan to drive to California right and as you're driving someone gets in your car they're hitchhiking let them in and they want to go to New York how far are you going to get to California you're going to leave that guy behind and you go to California or you going to turn around you go to New York and by the time you get to New York your bra going to be like I don't feel like driving in California anymore the point is this if somebody is going to heaven like that or that's their end goal when it comes to this whole thing you want to find someone who has that same trajectory can you say amen to that that's really important Ok but this one gravitate towards a person who places the highest value on your set of what qualities. In other words you want to find somebody who actually affirms the good things that God is doing in your life and the place of value on those kinds of things they can recognize those things and honestly affirm those things and appreciate those things over the last one look for a person have a clue sparkles most when you are together or you are seeing somebody and maybe you are with somebody when they're just around you they just the face sort of like the heavenly light on their face. People getting together and you can just tell like a hug they're in love right and they're right by the way you wonder what the number one predictor of divorces no one predictor of course is the question when you think it is. I didn't say number one factor in divorce and one particular in divorce rates it is contempt Ok I get the idea of contempt what's the big deal but it's specifically how contemp plays out this is considered actually a huge predictor of divorces is the rolling of eyes. You can check out John Gottman studies on this and you like I better stop. Your eyes I roll my eyes all the time but he will see couples together where they're just rolling their eyes and I'm going back mom and I'm like they're going to laugh. But it's very important because sometimes that seems to be sort of a. Response that we have but really it's actually pretty negative because it's disregarding what a person is saying what a person is doing and it just kind of speaks content if you're somebody that has a problem with rolling their eyes probably most ladies and guys don't shoot me here but more ladies and guys tend to roll their eyes ladies you need to work on the eye rolling Amen so you're rolling your eyes right now as I'm saying this. You don't look for a person who sparkles most when you are together I mean we're talking about an organization that puts thousands of people together and produce the divorce rate much less than the national average apparently they're doing something right they've distilled down what they think are the top 5 characteristic you know if you've got to have this in order to contribute to the greatest amount of success when it comes to marriage and romance so now you think in yourself and now I think I ended up in the wrong seminar I know what you're thinking right now I'm somebody I get this idea I've written down in my journal I have it still my wall all the qualities of a person that I'm interested in and I just don't seem to be finding anybody here's some advice I want to give to you when you're looking for creature do you know where you go you go where that creature lives. If you're looking for a line you know where you go not the zoo that's fake. If you're looking for a line where do you go where do I and live. You live in the wilderness right. Well you go to the so for you because that's where lines are going to be if you're looking for somebody you've got to find where that person lives. If you're looking for a barrier where you go friends you go where the bears are right so if you're looking somebody looking for somebody who's just like I'm looking for somebody who's got the who loves the Lord someone who is spiritually minded someone who's. Just someone who's on the same path and friends where do you think you're going to find somebody like that and say. Hey look. Any gathering or God's people or his spirit is there and he can guide Amen. Amen. At a bunch of people by the way had a bunch of people screenshot me I guess on the g. y.c. life and it says g y c And anyway this is like trying to hide them on my Facebook hide this I want others as continue with this. If you're looking for a very very beautiful and rare fish where you're going to go. Yeah but you do still go to the ocean right you've got to go to the special part of the ocean right if you're going to go to look for someone who's just rare you're looking for like that particular creature ask yourself the question where is this creature going to be found and like I've been doing all these things I've been looking for this person but I don't know where to find them cold to where their environment is that's not the end of the story friends today we're going to be talking about something called the like switch What's a like switch you're going to be looking at the formula for friendship friendship yes the formula for friendship you're in the environment you see that wonderful lady but what you do how do you go about it right and so we talk a little bit about the light switch lights which by the way was written by this man who actually used to be a spy. And what he had to do is you actually had to be friends foreign nationals gain their trust and eventually use them as spies i.e. that translates into a seminar on romance g y c. So what was that oh we're going to control let's look at this from a former f.b.i. agent specialize in behavior analysis and recruiting spies comes a handbook filled with his proven strategies on how to read people and how they perceive you so you can take and you can easily turn on the likes which Dr Shafer cracks the code on making great 1st impressions building lasting relationships and understanding others behavior to learn what they really think about you all right so what is the formula he gives when you're trying to when somebody you're trying to track somebody he breaks it down to 4 areas proximity frequency duration and intensity and I know we're making this highly scientific but the reason why is because these are just fundamental sort of elements that are part of romance in general so what are these things proximity people who share physical space all more likely to become attracted to one another when no words are exchanged the key is that it must take place in non threatening environments because if they're in a threatening environment you know what happens they're definitely not going to be thinking about you. Right but the more times you're around a person it just begins to open up this sort of notice billeted you write about this frequency is simply the number of times that you interact with a person over time the idea is that more instances you see someone or vice versa the more comfortable you or they become and he actually modeled this when he was trying to win over this more national he actually studied out where he was that this man have this routine where he would go to the grocery store so what he did is that he showed up at the grocery store and he would show up occasionally along this man's pattern of when he would show up at the grocery store and he would go to where this man was and soon he begin to ask questions he began to initiate contact over and over and over again and this way it was superficial but notice what starts happening over time something called derision duration has unique quality in that the more time you spend with the person the more influence they have over your thoughts and actions duration has a special relationship with frequency and there's a last one intensity is how strongly you are able to satisfy another person psychological and physical needs through the use of verbal and nonverbal behaviors what kind of cues are those well the hones in on something very extraordinary and he looked at his research and he applied this research and he's actually taught it to f.b.i. agents as well something called the eyebrow flash the head tilt and a real smile and when he notices that these are characteristics that actually contribute to attraction or break down attraction what are they he noticed that the eyebrow flashed that whenever there was 2 people interacting with each other and there was an extended eyebrow flash means eyebrow was raised up. And so we don't have eyebrows you can actually pencil it in if you like. But you don't want to. You don't want to hold the too long because what you found out is that a long eyebrow flash actually sent did send sent a photo signal in other words as eyebrow flash was held up higher the other person began to feel uncomfortable so what he began to understand and you can notice is in notice when you see people interacting you'll notice that when they're interested a person or there seems to be some kind of congenial connection happening you'll notice that the eyebrow will flash up and down but you notice that if someone's kind of awkward or timid the actually raised eyebrows and the whole he knows something about the head tilt what's ahead tell the hell to it head tilt is where the head was raised up and the neck was made vulnerable and he notices that this whenever this was being done I'm making myself vulnerable to. He noticed that when this was done and both of these are tactics now treat they teach to f.b.i. agents that this was indicating a kind of openness and welcome this spirit so if you notice when people are talking interacting you'll notice sort of a will take place and they're exposing their carotid arteries right then and there right now about the last thing I hear you had tilt to the right or left is a non threatening gesture people who tilt their head when meeting other people are seen as more trustworthy and attractive but you do this all the time and you can even see it in conversation in the flash and you know say head tilt and it's indicating an openness and connection we'll see found out a smile is a powerful friend signal smiling faces are judged to be more attractive more likable and less dominant a smile portrays confidence happiness enthusiasm and acceptance genuine smiles are more symmetrical and time differently than fake smiles can you a community sample when someone might give a fake smile. I can give you a fake smile right now Ok Right but people who have just sort of this smile and you can see when they smart sort of lights up the room right when a person just has this good smile you can just see like me and that person has a good smile whether you have to read this quote from Alan White she actually talked to this minister who was preaching that Jesus never smiled in the words smile and she said she told this minister you are wrong Jesus smiled and welcomed you know all those that were with in his facility Jesus someone who smile and it's really important because you'll notice is that even as we walk up to people and try to connect with people that if we walk up in such a way that's intimate and special like me I grew up in Orange County group and kind of sort of a defensive error of my life where sometimes when I walk up to people. I mean that does not look friendly right like I'm not I'm like this guy does not seem like all this I want to get to know I know right he thinks Well this is going to shank me right now does he want my wallet is what does he want but you'll notice even the way that we approach people it is there it is there in our conversation it is there in our connections one of the reasons I think we have a problem sometimes with connecting with people is because we're not aware of sort of the non-verbal language that we are communicating towards other people so I want to challenge you on this even today pay attention to sort of the eyebrow flash the head tilt right and even a smile a prolonging smile can be a very beautiful thing and it opens people up as you're trying to perhaps get to know somebody and you're just like man I'm white how do I crack this box right flashers Arbroath Now I'm not creeper like that. I'm like yeah right but in a way that's just kind of like welcoming. Tilt the head a little bit Now you to see it come on is it really important to tell you something it's very important your body language communicates a lot to people and you're like Ok past No I get it I get it there's you talked about the environment you talk sort about sort of the approach and the connection and the duration I need to sort of initiate contact and you don't want to be creeper about this Ok you know a creeper is what's a creep or someone who shows up and every single place that your at you walk out of the bathroom they're right there staring at you. You're going to the booth right and you see them walk the other way and somehow they ran the other way and they they all see their new like I just saw you one all the way there came right over here right you want to be natural about it right now you want to be able to connect with people right and it's important to you just sort of just just ask yourself Ok what's my body language communicating. Is this something that's natural and normal and yes it is and in here's the thing and I want to be frank with you as possible on this issue Ok the where of idealism where of idealism it's this idea that things are going to work out exactly the way you want them to work out in regards to romance it is not it's going to be messy it's going to be something where you're going to probably try you may fail you you may get to the place where like man I just bombed it and they don't want anything to do with you but you know what you're going to have to move on and find somebody else Amen I mean I know we love to hear their stories about that person was like and I just saw them I knew they were going to be my wife and I've waited for them 9 and a half years and finally they turned around. And told me they'd be open to a relationship unlike maybe I need to wait 9 and a half years for the love of my life no you don't you will be waiting a very very long time and you will come to that and you will say man I spend so much time focusing on one person believing there were the only one and I have wasted so much time you think come on it's going to do that that happen God works with our decisions he works with sort of the interplay of human interaction that exists in fact I'm going to just add a little bit more to this in just a little bit but let's take a look at this what characteristics do you notice in these 2 this couple right here raise your hand you like pick up on something what does that raise your hand to graze around yes when something knows. The head tilt Yeah there she's exposing her carotid arteries right there right what else do you notice anybody else yes what you notice raise eyebrows she has a raised eyebrow right here it may look like this what else do you notice she's smiling right here and how about this guy right here you can kind of make his crack right there his cheeks are raised indicate he smiled his eyebrow seems to be more exposed or overly analyzing this but that's Ok right about this but you know it's right here about this interaction. Razor and what do you know it's about this interaction right over here yes. Yes right and this isn't seem like a like a smile he just put on woman he's holding the smile right and she seems to be talking with that smile right there she brushes her teeth obviously right what else do you notice any other body language here yes. Yes she's got good eye contact right right she's a good size or maybe a pimple on his nose one of the others or she's connected to something right there right. There close body language right the what you see right here is sort of this idea of like they're connecting they're getting to know each other there exists a lot of these these dynamics of attraction that seem to be happening right about this one. She's done she's done he's got this has got a got a watch on that hand right. What do you notice what do you know it's there raise your hand you're like oh I picked up on their side I'm honing in on the body language right here I get it yes the smile that's there right what else engaging right with us she's getting engaged yes. Yes they're leaning towards you know anything else yes in the back she's truing her hair right here see where women do this sometimes as we're talking you right also in there just. Right. Where they go like this. All right let's continue with this I have a go let's look at you I see suggestions on making friends or potential spouses there we go number one should be friendly and social Can you say amen to that there's nothing questionable all about being nice and respectful Don't be a creeper though and don't stare too long. I wrote flashes hold it right hey where you from there's an example never to be open to the impressions of the spirit of Boyd overpowering feelings you know an overpowering feeling is this is my wife. And I now claim or before all of g y c No man chill yet what shall for that kind of overpowering feeling right here's the thing God does do impressions but he always wants us to trust the principles of his word impressions are not always a trustworthy guide and you say amen to that right in fact I think sometimes and this is just my idea on this and just understand the way that I feel that God is interact with me sometimes impressions are meant to be understood in retrospect for a bigger lesson all right that can open up another can of worms continue with this number 3 plan future ministries events to participate together in right safe way to hang out are you going I fear you going to s w y c Are you going to one of these events and that's totally cool you're totally safe and they were to shut you down you could walk away you look I don't get rejected they rejected the Lord by not going to I I'm just. Going to do this the very least try to network open doors to meeting other people increases their success in this area example me on Facebook or Instagram hey let's go to the prayer thing together number 5 I think that is Ok she talked about her of things it's a good way to get to make people know you are normal off the awful suggestion something happened to me on the way here but if your fees keep ranter Trinitarian don't go there to find a spouse go to one of the way seminars for us let's continue our friends to help you out and talking about good boyfriends right now the friends that are that love to joke right they will sabotage you watch out for those friends you love them to death but what do you want to make sure when man's a good wing man right now to crash the plane. To do this let them know you are excited about you don't come across any specific agenda of fellowship and worship here's the thing our primary reason for being here is should not be romance Amen but it does not mean that it is not a reason for being here Amen Can you repeat that again yes it is not your primary reason for being here it's about coming closer to God understanding his will for our lives Amen but it does not mean it cannot be a reason for you being here also just not the primary one remember Gideon's men. Take the water close to your mouth keep your eyes on the prize right continue with this. Listen to the sermon try to figure out that means Ok. There is a conflict even if you know you don't know what you're doing people want to know that you are falling apart unstable or insane Amen. Here's the next one I would also address Well Ok now I probably wish I should take in this stuff down right here so I'm going to say this with a grain of salt don't wear a 3 piece suit the whole entire time Ok that is avoid long dresses with tennis shoes. Business casual use you works and don't be afraid to compliment Hey you look nice and then stare just kidding don't stare all right now here's the thing here's the thing to understand now everyone has their own style right I mean some people have that kind of style the dress style the look style of like they've been trapped on a desert island for like 10 years but that's their style right some people have that style where they look like they work for peace with her man and now dress like him with those floodwaters pants you see that around and not know why some guys are wearing that Anyways that's my personal opinion right good goalie so what their style is here's the thing. You've got to make sure you smell good. And then. It doesn't matter if you've got a beard as long as Moses right but if you smell good that's a good thing right and I'm not talking about x. cologne here Ok you know where you just down so you don't like your bug spray on you no no no man the best way to do Cologne is this the best way where it's not overpowering you don't say you spray like this. And then walk into it. People are walking by you they're not going to be what is that's now you know Calvin Klein who's here right but there are a lot by their talking also like. Delicious No not like that right. We probably. I probably should not have said. Anyway let's continue with this Ok. Ok the focus on summer is when your scope and I pretend to ask intelligent questions of the presenter participate in the meetings and learn a man during meal sit with new people we're going to break out of our cliques and you're like What if I don't know anybody that's the point right I mean many of us were sitting with people we know but I want to challenge you while you're here at least half the time several remain that you have lunch or a meal sit with people you don't know and you can have one wing man with you but not 3 or 4 right sit with people get to know people and just try to connect with people and do something that catches your eye and saying you want to go scope out the field a little bit right just hang out talk that's all you need to do you're totally safe let's continue with this. Be talkative listen to be interested in what people are saying Providence seems to happen around food back when you study out the Old Testament into the New Testament often times when food is taking place it's being served amazing things God seems we have to Maison things the 24 right the Lord was revealed in the breaking of the bread with the story in Genesis Chapter 18 I believe it is when. Abraham is serving the 2 angels and the Lord right there seems to be this this Providence around food continue knowing we are praying for success trust God's plan and keep me focusing on your mission there God will be think people are praying for me can you say amen to that people are praying for me and how for those not going something else to continue with that when you look at the story of in the book of Genesis actually you know the longest chapter in the book of Genesis is actually Genesis Chapter 24 it is where Rebecca leaves her house her town and comes to where Isaac is at that's the longest chapter in Genesis Chapter 24 and consider close to the very middle of the Book of Genesis but it's amazing when you study out this story. I think really it's not the main character in the story it is the servant and it is Rebecca in fact Rebeca actually serves as sort of a female a perhaps in that story well how do we know this because she is the one that leaves her hometown and even when her brother and her family blesses her they actually give her in April hammock blessing where you become the mother of nations She is the one that is faced with leaving and following the voice of God but it's powerful when I was starting out this chapter do you know that the word Lord appears 17 times in this chapter but he does not speak once in this whole chapter do you know what word appears there another time 17 times the word go. The word go indicating that in the midst of the providences that were taking place and seemingly just strange events that were happening God was leading in the shadow but it was up to Rebecca it was up to the servant still to make choices in the midst of those circumstances and situations and those choices all required action in the end can you say amen to that they all required action in the end so one down here we go number one there is a God who is trustworthy with this area of our lives be wise be humble and be mindful can you say amen to that number to learn as much as you can from mentors and other older experience godly people and I say this as we desire can say this but if you're not talking to a mentor or someone older and godly about a relationship that you're and you want to get in that. Raise red flags for you there's a reason why you're not discussing with them perhaps some kind of fear of accountability but if you're fearing accountability then that should be to you some kind of. Indicator wait a minute maybe I'm trying to do this in a way that may not be healthy I was talking to somebody not too long ago and he was just stumbling and trying to connect with this female and I asked him one question I said here if you talk to any mentors preciseness you've been trying for a few months No I have it I said I think that's the 1st problem here I think you need people to help you see maybe what you're not seeing right now and maybe why you're feeling and so I gave him some advice he actually implemented it and things are now improving and I praise God for that but he was willing to take advice the 1st being you need to take advice about this one your love story may not look as beautiful on package as you want it to be one says one more time your love story may not look as beautiful on package as you want it to be Amen. But going to be more important in the wedding ceremony is going to be in the marriage what that looks like for the rest of your life that's going to be the most important thing not the ceremony that things are just the last about a day probably 2 years in planning but just the day right it's being married that is the real work that is where it's at the end of the day you like man this is what really matters relationships are messy and still no guarantee everything is going to work out well I have known of so many instances where people have done the will of God They felt good about a person and relationships took place and were very healthy and then something tragic happens and that person is crippled and disabled for the rest of their life and it's like Why how do you make reason or rhyme out of them you know about stories where people were totally were God was definitely. Just providential leading and they were doing all the right things and this was a person they were just so in love with but you know what happened he cheated on her you look at all these things about relationship and let me just take this a step further if we struggle with God who is trustworthy who will never fail us and it's loyal and good to us Don't think for yourself for a 2nd that wait a minute you're not going to have struggles with another human being you're going to struggle with another human being we are dealing with a sinful nature here and we're going to be confronted by the humanity of that person inevitably and it's going to just sort of of challenge your picture of the providence of God but the one thing you can guarantee you at the end of the day is that lasting The only thing is that God will be with you every step of the way when you see how they get to that Gone will be with you through the tough times of the good times to the times that seem to work well in the times that don't seem to work well God will walk with you in the valleys and on the mountain tops a man that's about his for the word for word of prayer. Father in heaven we just thank you so much again for this presentation and Lord as we've just taken so much information in God we thank you that you are writing something else special for each person here already even though it may not look always we want it to look like we thank you God that in the end you seek our best and our good help us to be faithful help us to be full of faith to step out to you. In Jesus name and. This message was recorded at the g y c conference by many or very few in Louisville Kentucky do you I see a supporting Ministry of the 7th Day Adventist Church seeks to challenge and inspire young people to take a sacrificial initiative for Christ to download other resources like this visit us online. Dot org.

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