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Beyond Rituals and Crucifixes: Conrad’s Journey

Conrad Whitaker
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Recorded

  • May 3, 2021
    9:47 AM

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I took my crucifix snapped it in half took my rosary which I had as well shredded it pieces. And I was in tears on the side of the road I was finished with God you don't exist in my life anymore I've had enough. My name is Conrad Whittaker I was born in England to Catholic parents my father was a music composer for films and my mother was a miniature artist that's to say she wasn't miniature but she painted miniature paintings at 4 years of age however my father left my mother and I grew up as a result with my mother and my elder brother so I had a good relationship with my mother but since my father had not supported my mother financially my mother had a struggle to make ends meet and she had no time for either of us children so I had to fill in my own time which I did with television that took about 4 hours of my day. And every day I'd watch television this was addicted to t.v. as a child I was involved in the Catholic Church as an altar boy I went to church every Sunday but my faith wasn't based on anything intellectual It was based on following a traditional path and somewhat of a habit. My auntie Margaret who is a nun the sister of my mother she gave me some occasional advice and once she said I'm going to give you a simple prayer to say if you said every day you'll be saved. That appealed to me because. It was simple it was short and I said it not just once but 7 times a day because I want to cover up for those previous days that I hadn't said in my life and it was prayer it was Immaculate Heart of Mary pray for us now and at the hour of our death at the age of 16 I started having some serious doubts about the existence of God My mind had now opened in a new dimension of discovering common sense and things that were logical and the question in my mind above all questions world does God really exist so I thought This question needs to be put to the test Well I thought I could test quite simply to see if God existed or whether he didn't I had a passion or how a hobby in my life and that was metal detecting I used to like looking for old coins treasures gold jewelry anything of historical value and I had an idea if I could test God. By telling him. If I find something today I will believe that you exist divide don't. Then you definitely don't exist so I took my metal detector and I had my bicycle at a new bicycle and I went to this place where I was going to find something and prove whether God exists or not and guess what I took with me my crucifix Now I used to have a crucifix like this one and I used to speak to God a the little tab on the back I used to flip it up like that like you do on a microphone he's switch it on and I say no God If I don't find anything today. There's no God So off I went on my bicycle with my metal detector I went off for the day looking for the my treasure and what did I find nothing at all. Not a thing not only that I broke my metal detector and on the way home to capital my new bicycle broke I was devastated I jumped off my bike on the side of the road I took my crucifix snapped it in half took my rosary which I had as well shredded it pieces and I was in tears on the side of the road I was finished with God you don't exist in my life anymore I've had enough About 3 months later my mother had told me son you should really go on holiday by yourself now you're old enough I thought Yes my uncle lives in Germany maybe I could visit him that's my mother's brother I spent 6 weeks with my auntie and uncle. They were 7th Day Adventists and I was exposed to 6 weeks of their lifestyle which really was quite intriguing I enjoyed the vegetarian cooking and I enjoyed talking to my uncle about topics which were very deep from the Bible and things that related to God and to his existence. I had a great time in those 6 weeks I could compare my uncle's lifestyle to those of other families I knew my uncle was different he he looked to benefit other people and to harmonize the family more spend more time together with the children spend more time with God talk about things that were real in life rather than escaping through some kind of entertainment after my holiday was over I returned to England and I visited my father on the way back to my mother and I told him of my adventures and my father was totally devastated that I could think anything outside of Catholicism he spent about 3 hours trying to convert me back to the traditional way of thinking and he almost won me over. He tried to explain that the Catholic Church has. Guarantee that go way back to the 1st pope who was Peter and that these thousands of years of established order would guarantee me. A turn a life and the truth must be in that church because it's the oldest Christian Church so I was I was very confused at the stage. I went home to my mother after the holiday and my uncle continued to correspond with me whilst I was living with my mother and I used to receive in his letters Bible quotes and truth I had never really thought of before because I was still a attending Mass on Sundays I would approach the priest and ask him about these questions and show him these bible verses to back up what I was thinking but I was somewhat surprised at his answers because they were always deviating away from those points I was trying to make the Slowly the balance is what will think in favor of a different kind of religious thinking after one year my uncle returned to England and this was very interesting for me because I was living in Wiles' at the time with my mother and things were not looking good as far as my career and there were more opportunities down in the south where my uncle was living so I asked whether it was possible for me to come and live with him and he agreed that yes that would be a good idea and he allowed me to come and stay with him and live at his house. I was sure now about the existence of God but there was still a lot of confusion I found a lot of my answer came from the precision and the incredible. Insight into history past present and future that the prophecies of the Bible bring out especially when you bring together the Book of Daniel and Revelation and you bring those together there is a and mazing fulfillment in the history of this world where it came from where it is now and where it will be heading and this showed me that without doubt God's Word is the most reliable why of ascertaining what the truth is. I have found now a faith that not only appealed to my heart but it made sense and it was based on the Bible and around that time I gave my heart to the Lord. So from the fortress of my uncle's home I could proclaim to my parents and friends that I had become the 7th that vented East and changed my diet and this was still in the early eighty's from my father's side however I had suffered 10 years of pretty bad persecution at least verbal ie. Because of my choices he was very adamant on winning me back to the Catholic Church and he would try to get me to pray to Mary and I would answer him Fine I'll do it but you need to show me from the Scriptures where it says that I should do that and he could never do that and of course that led to even more frustration but from my mother's side I'm on my maternal grandfather. Even though he was a Catholic and stayed till he died he actually said that if it's going to do him the same amount of good as it's done to my son John then it's a good thing until this time in my life I had not read any books I was not a book reader I was dyslexic and I wasn't proud of that so I forced myself to read at least one book that I could have the acknowledgment of reading Animal Farm by George all while that was the book I chose but I even had to push myself to get through that one but anyhow one day when I was at my uncle's house I came home from work and got ready for bed and it was about 10 o'clock in the evening and I went to bed and right next to the bed there was this book shelf and I just pulled one of those books out at random and started to read in this book and it was late in the evening about 10 and next thing I knew it was 2 in the morning I suddenly realized that I had for the 1st time in my life been caught up in a book. And I have of course then been reading books ever since. In 9095 I went to use convention in Hungary and there I met a girl by the name of bitch Trixie would become my wife. She also came from a secular background and she had recently come to the face through a school friend of hers who had invited her to use camp. She also came from a divorced family background and found in the church the warmth and friendship that I had found and she was longing for that too we eventually got married in 1997 and it wasn't until 2004 that we emigrated to Australia shortly after we had our daughter who was born 3 years after that a son so I have a very lovely family and fulfilled life and I've experienced God again and again through difficulties through problems God has come out on top I have a sense of purpose sense of belonging I love to bury myself in research religious topics and simplify them so that people can understand difficult topics but in a very simple fashion and just occasionally I still go out yes with mild metal detector and no I haven't found that treasure yet but spiritually Yes I found the biggest treasure of all I am a rich man.

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