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Learning to Become One

Tom Waters Alane Waters

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Recorded

  • December 10, 2005
    5:00 PM
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him many marriages fail we just want to be ultimately view kind of horrible about real life for us when we were learning to become one yet understand that we're learning that we were learning to become one is interesting with and if he was still thinking sometimes and it's always a learning theory and because life is a learning experience and learned a lot in Jesus Christ and in the and he takes us I have only been married for eternity but will no longer have to learn that oneness with Christ because that will be again a permanent part of us is wonderful and feature eternity and interesting out have the fallout is catlike face to him and legal track car courtship and I and I know many of you have been in relationships are married are you are in a relationship presently and when you want to be with them right being you think about all day long and they keep coming back to thought stopping again and again and again he can't wait to spend time with them right in the floor to Peter Gallagher school later you're done with your work and your gone home and you can see Jennifer couple hours in the evening you look forward to every one of those little blocks of time with great excitement great anticipation because you love that person you know that anyone bring you think it is important enough you are experiencing what Allison shared last hour we can understand all that you know we were traditional in our relationship type thing and him through that we had a lot more to learn the one thing we did know that God brought us together had a shadow of a doubt news is very important because women have time it's always nice to go back and today that God said that he wanted brought together and he's the one who can give us that peace and harmony that we love our team anytime together and we talk a lot anything you can't talk about anything and everything maybe that's not the right person for you you got a be able to be fully open and fully honest no hiding in a pretty nonrestricted and did you know really zealous Christian desire you have to be on until we were being with each other that way and and our courtship was very exciting nothing was I'm just interested since world with this group how many of you here are married okay then I is you know whenever we're in a group of people we always thoroughly sensitive spirit to adapt out yet she is a story is arguably say something about the likely death I just want to say and emphasize for just a moment something that Alain just shared briefly that is one of the greatest temptations for those of you who are not married those of you that are married it's over for another horse and chariot one of the greatest dangers in a relationship pre- marriage relationship is not being real you can put them which had time to talk about the different between love and adulation of the message I'm at a sure policy document that when we feel like that's happening the natural inclination is to want to keep that person have the be the right person for them and what begins to happen many times to me times is start changing who we really are gay changing the way we really are when we get up in the morning okay changing all kinds of things to try make the other person thinks something about us maybe we change the way our apartment looks when they come over what they don't realize is that never work the way it is when they're not over and I wasn't really case with me and it wasn't the case with my wife for America I know it's the case with some people that I know and so the man thinks the young man thinks he's getting somebody that just a great housekeeper for the shot the morning after Rice still be real I want you now to switch gears for those in our area and go back to your wedding day to day all what a great day this is the combination of all this time you spent together that dream I can remember standing in front of the church the church and feel church you know thirteen hundred member church a long ways the best double doors I was standing there waiting for my wife now the thing about this those who are married think about this answer and I was standing there waiting for her to him through those stores backup there is just human shields find to be my only what I was excited and said in my heart pounding my heart was pounding so hard to identify very discreetly looked down the mind will will will will you know ninety no not at all him and in and a lot of differences between men and women in English I love you here is so excited and I never had any anxiety or any nervousness or any other related as I was looking forward to the door to open and come down the aisle and I think it's partly late I have no fears or anxiety or anything like that I deleted it from the moment on the Oregon live happily ever after I know they are in Glendale having been denied that it is not that way because you don't start that we need a better turnaround before you get married altar that is leaking you know each other not his boyfriend and girlfriend we came to know each other working in the church and is grouped together so really we just felt absolutely yes with we had the opportunity to see each other without the now trying to look a certain way you know flared or whatever and so we had a lot real understanding of each other not the videoconference another non- withdrawn together because they were really him five and it was really wonderful well we want to be just right and so we decided before our wedding day that we were going to start our marriage rights in his how we thought we would get we thought we would take a different version of perspectives thirteen the local chapter hello Doctor and we read a different version of that every evening before we close the day beginning with our wedding day that sound wonderful was wonderful thirty one different versions about how we began and we went on our honeymoon how is anyone here well is really good but we found their way started season differences that we had him at LinkedIn helping head Island South Carolina and weird we were almost twenty four years old but we were too young the Rent-A-Car so we make a bicycle week will have the lady and I can rent a car in the icy red carpet for twenty five he kept a lot extra money in those days you can even rent a car in history twenty five and they think that any gains are known and indignantly I then like to play tennis and I used to think I was a pretty good writer could with my old boyfriend our friends we develop latent after work on interesting that time we went out for the tennis court and Morgantown we never played for courtship because it was all through the winter months in Chicago they got me now Arthur playable in the winter so we know now ready to play tennis and became very evident that I was not the only very much because I couldn't seem to get the ball I couldn't seem to get to the ball much less hit the ball and down it was kind of her cell phone I realized I didn't have to realize I just always like that and him and I didn't understand I wasn't any means you are but I see such a playtime of them I'd like to talk with you I think it is time I couldn't hit the ball at the end a long-running theme or idea that it was not under control in your lifetime out there we don't waste my something different because it was not enjoyable but I didn't know until later in I realized that you would just response is that my old friend like you play to hit the ball to me I thought that Plato and he always played to win we disputed away from why we had difficulty in so anyway only the go canoeing well I think I did nothing in life is and I both day you know I have a nice respect for water healthier and slimmer and so preaccident wonderful Nokia Symbian would advocate a Nokia sees the film very very important to me in the water I never learned how to swim and greeted the meantime I got into one of the other but anyway we got the canoe and him communion we only can you now even my bottom growth stable thing but evidently ran and was wanting now have a V-shaped bottom it is your first link you wanted to do over Pentagon River the river and were like them and you know where my life jacket he and he didn't think it was very well I mean no ally objective observer can thought so anyway it was quite significant changes relax mentally at the little girl with an opinion and I've hit on the head with the community nearly got knocked out in fearful because I couldn't drown and not being able to swim back neck combination to put the community had no idea and so had to go over very quickly early we eat like a pretty good at him and that anything printed on bicycles and electric bicycles when we came back from our honeymoon real life began not anywhere be on our honeymoon we didn't have to do anything that wasn't necessary we just do what we want student gatherings great something happened when we got back and things began to change it seemed like we were communicating like we used to communicate an area that one day we were driving to work all his courtship clearly to talking to you getting anytime of the day and always carry on conversations always having faith in our marriage and were going back and forth to work in a couple weeks into it month into it and all of a sudden he's just a you are talking lifetime normally talking he's just funding and so I said to you talk to me like he used to a related not answer that question and I tried to say while I'm not a morning person thing so then I will work as being more I wasn't feeling very well for a and I felt like he was not the same person now what we didn't understand was that we were having a negative we called a fatal cycle recall that there is how we do our bears but in understand that's what was happening then but as I was not communicating she was feeling in situ at all if I is not that kind of woman all of a sudden I wasn't all of a sudden the entire full story review for our strategy but it seemed like all of a sudden she wasn't that way anymore but that's because I was focusing and I was starting to take the weaknesses at the point where I started focusing on the flaws the things that went right because I did I did not expect the best that I expected her to be my easy right this is my woman this is God God made me write never occur to me that I was being like an right to sell me focus a mess when I was then I didn't even understand what I realized was that I was found that my wife into my life instead her becoming one I was trying to figure in my life that went in we can understand the whistling when she married me you understand that mean right now he became my life I wish you doesn't mean many then they can identify with it it's like Amanda 's okay now want at this time this time this time patient in here here here and for the woman is very different he becomes everything in your whole life is focused on hand versus his whole life I decided into the empty slot for this friendliness for this job with this responsibility church with his hobbies with his mood and you know actually to say with his problem I can deal with it very good myself because when my feelings got hurt and doesn't take a lot of hard feelings get hurt has it coming everybody in this room can identify with hurt feelings in relationships is nothing new to me I experience involving through adult life and so we believe it heard we need to know how to deal with the feelings in the Lord otherwise we focus on herself and you will find some of these really depressed find someone who thinks about themselves that's the biggest cost pressures in affecting about myself how did you treat any long of a loving outing to me or me and we go down now when we think how errors we think of the Lord we find joy only focus myself if I discouragement and how I started feeling insecure in the relationship because I didn't feel like I was important to him like I thought I should be I thought I used to be and I started dating my feelings hurt inside for myself to withdraw why it is human nature we withdrawn to protect so will begin we had in responding and some time I would come out of that withdrawal and I would be sarcastic or sharper enough to play you and I don't feel proud of that we didn't understand how to abide in Christ all we need is way the truth of our church not to say that was important that you know how to heaven by the connection Jesus and because we didn't understand that when we got into our marriage we started eating these rough spots they became hanging in so I went through some very discouraging only and spends his time trying alone and things didn't seem to get you what I didn't realize that and we shall rest with you now it off with the program now I'm really an elevator have seen that upon receiving myself a little but one that is marriage in God 's hands it's called an the twenty sixth segment marriage program anyway you know somebody recently said to me all you guys will love him and I said well really that wasn't the case most people have problems in their and they don't find a solution until it erupts that's what happens in most marriages now when somebody tells me that now they been married for twenty five years and it never had an with his wife I say for him and him and I don't say that you are made it is naïve are just now whatever but I mean most people when they face these problems it comes because were in what we call me focus the meeting will be my whole world revolves around you he will ask me if I didn't GAF free money to do it my way no living selfishness can never be appeased friends the Caesars proved to sound improve the if anyone could have proven somehow have all the money I will never use yet only influencing everyone you know what everyone right now I don't like this life get another one right you truly believe that unit all he was considered is the one that said remember that created these of you in our Denis focus must change to the last focus the reason we can still freely share with you our defects is because we can freely share with you the living power of the gospel Jesus is a life-changing power we have unmarried it's hard to hire we have a marriage that is keeping us in Christ Jesus we have a love that is growing stronger every day so we can afford tell me all where we fail because we tell people minorities well okay one night my wife was sitting in the corner of our office crying uncontrollably sitting on the floor in the corner office not six months into our marriage weeping uncontrollably you know he contacted me think I ran over there in my heart set on this but I know I was planning on selfish I was I didn't realize that I was losing a single line in an and that's what I was doing in a single lifetime and mine was still officially at a wife and how convenient right now that somehow supposed the went downstairs to our basement and I said there were no documents that here we go on please use of these soul lies in vivacious and energetic in organizing if you are all the words right with the matter with her fluency was frustrated the Lords before the small ninety skills will put an honorable it wasn't I thought it was actually heard the voice of the Lord of the very sorry I was not a voice but it might as well been and this is what the Lord simply centimeters amazing to me that the Lord speaks to us when we can spoke to me when I was that night he said if you don't stop picking on your way you are going to destroy her I can walk in the kitchen literally enough out of this discount of the Lord Jesus Christ in his power to change our lives I walked in the kitchen of my wife was tiny and onion when she was aware of my presence she would begin to tremble her hands begin to trim in one figure she could please me she did not please me anymore and I was sitting there and the Lord spoke to me that night for the first time I began to see I think I selfish need was the problem I really wasn't all a problem that I should ever size for the first time I solve my problem I began to see that what is wrong with her is the Lord said to me there in the stillness of that moment write down ten things you appreciate about you have any hurry and didn't think it was about your life right now he is him rated average but I appreciate that that night I could only think of one way that I appreciate about my life because of my selfish note was she was a wonderful college class using the drug which again still I filled in his Monday morning at the and I didn't really want here that I was a good cook anymore so I forget about that one and I sat there and say it wasn't very funny I said there the Lord began to show me the right to know we asked when Peter Sindelar in case you will never utter those words or even that far without the Lord be there for you because it's always there he says I will never leave you are saying the problem is we just keep moving and leaving him for saving him going our own way and I cried out to the Lord and I said Lord help me open my eyes open my eyes the day started and I got so excited his as you know my eyes I was seeing with new eyes I was feeling new feelings inside I was seeing myself for who I was and I start writing anything you want to do my last upstairs crying in realm Colorado is there anything a audit and things I presented my birth and no no to live those you demonstrate your appreciation and your laugh and go upstairs and you pass and confess it in the West there's a different person after my wife and my arms and tempted from my sin and even gave me kiss I love you and interesting the problem with all one-sided you know when we hear that have been the focus were destined to failure and I had any focused is because he wasn't meeting my needs when I thought in my castle building that he should easily spend our time watching the programming of love that were presented we become very disillusioned when they get into the love and marriage that didn't match the romance of the world says that love living in his true love it is the principle is holding its noble and unselfish it's not the focus it's got past focus and so we both had problems in my weakness and greatly agitated his weakness these weaknesses we did now until he got the range and so might remember him coming I don't why was I sitting in the corner on the floor because I wasn't there for my contact no I was trying to hide because I was acting childish I really was but that's where I was nonetheless and when he came to the door I see kids him because I do not elegantly feel words are highly respond with aggression I was very capable of doing and he just did there quietly and I sensitive necessary to work my heart and I can hear him quietly walking over and now kneel down and he kneeling beside me in condemning the incident with the matter with you let's have heard that her before he'd is so sorry for the pain caused to indicate you it just broke my heart and I looked up and in his eyes were so so sincere so on and so humble and yet I found it it is not hard to forget once again our focus on herself everything in the morning forgiven for men they forward because of breathing bumps here and there but it's never been like that again and I'm thankful for that but it's interesting if the inlet at all within moments we are in each other 's arms in thing at that silliness of the whole situation that we had been just you now engrossed in the ways of response for those weeks previous know we were sharing this great surrender SMS is good to go back and see how God delivered lettuce in the past share has lost and I said after I talk about with ten things I said yesterday I will say that I love and appreciate about my life so Athanasius and her best to him and saw him people or things and he is living life the ten things you didn't tell me what they were wondering the list 's income is messy one beginning to read it but you come here and demonstrate and I had to identify the thinking was good for me to be able to see that getting amino acid I live in the underneath segment and have agonizingly human nature that when I had to look for him in identifying and integrating each other right to sleep against the bad and the change that is good around and look for those things I could identify them they were real well in the new list became the nice thing life is that I already knew those things existed they were disarmed and I think that piece of paper to the special file on my jar and sometimes even yet helpful about not reengineering you know it just makes it all is a little thing that it really makes for special moments and memories Ephesians four thirty two says be kind one to another is that high theology you have to get out of concordance to figure towards him yet the look up the meaning of the Greek now one to another tenderhearted forgiving one if that kindness is that tender heartedness if that forgiveness was real those three elements in this simple tax or manifested marriage the marriages in some families church today would not be a fifty percent divorce be one to another tenderhearted forgiving one is as God for Christ's sake 's forgiveness as a forgiveness has shown tenderness to us the father and his children solo pities them that fear him you know God wants to put that in us and an order for us to manifest China I would ask a question how hard is it for you to be trying to the person you do that thing is is it hard between China's how hard is it for you did shriek with trying the person that will restore the heart of the young and observation we have made is that many times it's easy to treat everybody else kindly between the one seven one spend her whole life with the one about every other person this is the person that God gave me spend my life with Chevy only trying to her treadmill will be tenderhearted turn will forgive but you know we can't do it in the focus that's far too but we won't be talking about that here so anyway after that somewhere else in the case when we the media focused the most basic Christianity can not happen in marriage can is the main focus says you must do it for me you will be trying to me you are him me I may focus on the us focus on I'm going consider in how I treat you just need the solutions that will only happen to surrender ourselves completely to the Lord Jesus Christ if we want to have a marriage heart-to-heart with the one that we enjoined to in this earth we have a relationship with her to her Jesus Christ in closing we like to sing and do a little soundtrack Allison has put this on a soundtrack for us song called forever friends if they weren't exactly sure it would work longer aspects of technology and Cialis is not as we message you could actually slow played on the piano announcement while we haven't we had a music if it doesn't work we'll give you the music and invite for us how's that for putting on the spot should be happy to write also as a threat a statement of faith is about fact of Christianity and Islam Osama will okay what are you just chaos and a minute later I will go to him for a and are as a phone this scene is changing seasons from and see him nowhere he has him and him and him to him and him and him to him and he and he and his name the way you are in and was banned into the air nozzle and when we are in rain and cold to go all the use team him to stay there in this new that he gives us she is on the follow-through than just their friends grad is not alone in time and take away will have the threat and can be in a semester I then lay on zero times in hand and had him stand out as being an low summer and we we have him bring me as long as the green man I man leave you with me as he calls a father in heaven what a privilege we have to become one with you with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ what a blessed opportunity that you've given to us when you said the two shall become one merino that we can only really be one with each other as husband and wife when we allow ourselves to be surrendered to be one with you I pray that each one of us here those that are married and those that may be contemplating marriage those that may be looking for to the data you bring the right person that we can take the simple principles that you want to put our hearts give me focus that selfish me and look to you for the last focus what can I do for us how can we work together for your glory in Jesus name amen

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