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Crystal Fountains and Slimy Cisterns

Nicole Parker

Presenter

Nicole Parker

Wife, mother, and Biblical counselor

Sponsor

Conference

Recorded

  • July 15, 2010
    4:45 PM
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him him father in heaven what is so grateful to you you do so many wonderful things for a bank it were all here Lord that we can understand more deeply how your worth life our lives we pray that your filter spirit to speak everything the heart here that you will draw close to you you can help us to be changed if you are interested in hosting thanking Jesus he is now going to finally fix her and this message is something that has really touched my heart as I understood more of how God wants to help us break out of destructive cycle you know I'm I'm working on my Masters degree in biblical counseling and I spent a lot of time talking with people who are wrestling with things that they want to break free from and Ira one girl I talked to especially shoot with the Bible worker and she heard my presentations and she called me one day and just started crying she can I really need help I have never told anybody that I'm addicted to pornography and masturbation I can't stop myself from going on for years I don't know what to do I've tried everything I'm meeting other people decry but down inside I know I'm a hypocrite because it's not working for me the gospel is not setting me free of what's going on in behind-the-scenes he said I'm just over an outright fall I'm devastated I try to work through it all pray and pray but I can't break free I started talking with her about what was going on how does it all started she then abused sexually abused by someone who then it as she had fallen into this then with this person and she was older she wasn't just a little cabinet of the person in authority over her and some of the things that he had done with her but the things that she was now doing herself the pornography she was attracted to and she's just hate myself I don't even enjoy it I don't even want to do it not getting any kind of satisfaction that I just been compulsive I have to do it so I started talking with her about what was going on what was the root what one thing that was driving her that and as I explored with her you know what is it that you need to work through and what happened to you when you were younger I said is it possible she told me the whole story I think it possible that you feel because of this sexual abuse that happened to you that you feel that you are if you are dirty that you are padding you can't break away from that and she just started sobbing she said he had yet to fix the way explained to her the gospel in a different way in a way she could understand I started sharing whether you have this is how God works he cleanses you you're confused because you got confused between guilt and shame guilt is a message from God a company you've done something bad it's something he's telling you because he wants to restoring harmony with himself he says here's something that you have done let me take it away from you let me cleanse you let me copy with my righteousness that is gone forever but when you pray for you I forgot to you getting this thing you definitely need and you still feel dirty but not guilt that's a shame is the opposite of field like guilt but it's the opposite shame of the methods from the devil where guilt comes from God and invite you to come back and harmony with you my letting him take your sin shame doesn't say you've done something that shame that you are bad there is something that is fundamentally damaged your work that you are no longer worth what you are worth before you ask a Y the devil talking to you shame you are padding even Geneva is stronger to cleanse you I think we've been confessing the Fred friendly about confessing the pornography even St. Laurent climbed thinking that help me not to do this again but you haven't been confessing the root getting to the heart of the matter what was it that made you be driven to this sin of pornography with the fruits and but that that racing was not well the power of God that you create that you need to pray that God forgives me for my unbelief because I felt like I was cleansed I believe my feelings instead of believing your word that says if you confess your sins are faithful and just forget thank you Lord for setting me free for cleansing the permit it's gone forever I am no longer defiled I trust your promise more than I trust you she was a woman transformed she called me back a couple of weeks later she said I can't believe the difference I'm really free and merely free I can see that God has set me free not that you never deal with it the temptations again but when the temptations and now she knew this is Satan tempting me to feel like I'm still thirty this is Satan telling me that this would satisfy me but as she keeps her self centered on Christ she won't fall into the thing it's a temptation temptation is not and now she found a whole new level of victory nationally finding how I truly can't overcome because God has dealt with the roots and the raising of undelete gain the Bible doesn't say don't estimate if you do this is what happened to the Bible says believe the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved eleven talk a lot about some of the differences that we deal with you know compulsive TV watching for example the Bible doesn't talk about that but it certainly talked about the reasons that need to composite walking like France is something else for my satisfaction and comfort instead to Christ right is that he's lightly with you my case I give unto you not as the world giveth give INT 's electronic or by our heart the other things fall off we've cut down the roots of the plants believe the weather up on their own right there's not a battle that God wants to set us free and the way he said this free is by breaking the cycles jeremiad chapter two verse thirteen talks about the cycle of the Bible 's turn to Jeremiah two thirteen or you can read on the screen here it's a mind people that got people right like people have committed two evils they have first taken me the fountain of living waters and hear them out cisterns broken cistern that can hold no water to only two things right here not that there just to mistake my people at made in a goofy play the two rings in which all other free things grow my people have committed two evils they forsaken me the fountain of living water and he left themselves broken cisterns that can hold no water and in the cycle this is a destructive point in the cycle of things that happen for this girl who was the Bible worker Hurston Michael had started with she had had forsaken the living water knowing gone bad I forgive you if you confess your sin she believed instead of why the devil your sin cannot be cleansed by even the blood of Christ should first make an announcement of living water now she was trying to find cleansing somewhere else satisfaction for our healing foreground is impossible so she got herself into this destructive cycle when she first has been found what a liar she wound her to the broken cistern she was thirsty she was hurting she was desperate and she could not stop herself from going back to the broken system using people who are drug addicted easy to cycling the extreme there their physical bodies are just in and immediate withdrawal I need this I have to how does they won't stop until they'll do anything they'd rather die than live without their drug and some people are not much less even though they are very fictions are more socially acceptable if you tell somebody get rid of your TV for your to be lost eternally NATO well dressed I'll have to think about that well is not really a question where they did so often when a person knows God tell me I need to do this but I feel you know I know God doesn't want me to be dating this girl and I'll work through and you know I pray about it but they know eternal life hangs in the balance is it that I don't relive the same as it criticized you with whatever I was going to choose instead of Christ and any time that we forsake the fountain of living water we well go to some broken system we will look for and idle because we are created to be worshipers we are idolaters looking for God to worship if Christ is not on this rumor Ms. Seinfeld is what continues you know this girl because she wasn't getting peace and healing and trusting God forgiveness for her she was driven to her addiction because she was driven to her addiction she would just fall in her face and be so devastated by her that she could not come back to Christ she couldn't face them I can't feel close to him because she wouldn't come back to the fountain of living water she was driven back to her compulsion and if I the instruction was destroying her life once she found out what was the secret she needed to break the cycle she needed to come to Jesus and realized he does cleanse acne free no matter how I feel I am clad I can trust the problem then she had the courage and the power to break away from the addiction and even though she would still be tempting to go back to the sometimes for some kind of sad action for being able to deduct his save herself by her own works if you want to collect that instead of going to Christ I can do something else that only a temporary quick fix for her just break both sides of the cycle and you can break even part of the cycle first the both of them have to be broken some people think that I am going to follow Christ and they go to get all of their CD collection and smashed them one by one at breaking the broken cistern mounted their comeback to the fountain of living water and start letting Christ that deep areas of their life will be going out buying more CDs before long will God wants us to hit the cycle on both sides we've got to break the cycle of the broken sister in order to drink deeply of the fountain of living water we have to be willing first take the broken systems in order to break the broken cisterns we have to have the courage to drink deeply of the fountain of living water he see how this works God wants us to drink deeply from him as we do we get the courage to break away from other things what are the broken cisterns that we tentatively to everyone at different there are all kinds of broken cisterns that some people flee to it we often tend to look at other peoples broken cisterns and horror how do you make her pornography or photography of our secret probably fake how do you have it you like hey don't they realize what they look like it was something that we feel the secret need for nappy time for idle now whatever else why not just break up with that jerk who keep on hurting him all the time but we can't seem to stop ourselves from going back to the music or the shopping or whatever it is that we find instead of price to satisfy her heart even a broken system that got talking about it doesn't matter what they are even good things can be broken cistern 's ministry is a common brother and sister some people when I feel bad about themselves they go out and start doing something for other people that make them feel better I wrote a bunch of encouraging of the people and I felt better about myself what a great thing to do and I can help you break out of the depressive cycle when you're focusing on yourself but not enough if you're feeling depressed may be needed be going to Christ and singer something wrong I'm not connecting with you on a deep level ministry is great and it does help to legalize share the gospel with other people it inspires faith in us as we see wow look what God is doing but ministries we go to that of Christ is an idol a broken system and it won't satisfy it'll make us feel a little bit better but will have to keep going back for more know some people I've known in they preach they just love to go around preaching everywhere that it makes them feel worthwhile it makes them feel like even God must value me look at all the things I do for him but God wants to have any need for broken sister what Dreyfus to broken systems think of it this way if you were stranded out in the desert and you see the oasis off in the distance and you know there's fresh cool clear water there by default far away and I know if I just dig down right here in a standalone audio find some water and maybe can't fault it may become a yucky but there's water right here so far to get there we may be counted they got right here in a little watered thoroughly satisfying the boy tastes good but the moment I drink you anyway how do I really well we have a long way to start looking like and even farther to get to that of oasis last when you drink saltwater the more you drink the first year you get right and become me because I think that we need this and maybe this whole of these data dries up I will find another one and you know people like that there in this relationship with somebody in August sour he was such a jerk and he received them I'm never notified that again no way I find off of guy forever two weeks later there in another one within every night when I die it doesn't matter whatever it is that they're getting into it's an addictive cycle because they going to a broken cistern instead of the fountain of living water they they find something that had either little bit of when this one drives up building another whole and the longer they stayed in the first year they get farther away the oasis Sea including Michael when we feel far from God we can say Lord I didn't pursue you I don't really feel like praying right now I don't really feel like studying the Bible right now so I know I need to do it and I'm going to do it right now not so that I can gain your favor and feel better about myself because I need to connect the warranty landline needed to satisfy the broken my heart he only bring me to peace with you is there something I'm holding onto instead of you Lord then we do that as we keep on going toward the oasis God it's as if he brings the living water task just enough to give the Kurds to keep going are we right here you can make it keep going keep going keep going not because he wants us to pursue him he is not saying that it was the same if you work hard enough people gather here to water but because he knows we need to pursue him if we don't pursue develop a very strange of perseverance will develop the perseverance that we need you know their way to anywhere by pursuing him we greatly value our relationship with you and finally start thinking what really do feel like now going out to movies I really need to get it on right now I know I kind of shed we know wow you know if I just let my relationship with God life or while under hit the rocks again I want to have to go through that hot in the desert trying to get back into communion with God is not worth the movie is not worth whatever it is that we can go to get him to any God want us to pursue him but only because he knows we need to pursue him he'd be happy to come bring the water to a thing as we grow by pursuing him so God help us come to the oasis keep going when you don't think you can make any farther I'll bring in enough water to keep you going but when we grow discouraged we don't believe in God 's love we say welcome to stay down here really quick now I know I need to spend time with God I really feel like watching a movie tonight I really feel like it's going to be on the ice cream instead and so we go to something else and then we feel guilty for them we feel even less interest in the Bible we just had with high-powered two hours of intense action now to read the Bible it just seemed so boring I mean the longer we wait the farther away the oasis seems more satisfying or broken cistern the Northwestern is a place that holds water but I titled this about slimy cisterns because you never noticed how it is when you have water to standing for a while they get flying you get nasty it doesn't taste so good and gone and his wonderful mercy makes our sister is grossly the relationship that we thought was the only thing that could ever set by the thing that we could not live without start falling apart they goes sour because God knows we can stay I in this relationship along with the kingdom becoming more important repair all or please help things work out between us I love how much I love her so much but I was answering my prayer by giving us that we want right now and get it right away prepared to make it I like this I'll even more instead of coming to him when gone status free she wants us to be free indeed but so often we fleet of things wherever it is naturally because that's just the way that we were born are born sinful were born wanting to go to something that classified us quickly in our culture has said that powerfully a difficult evening their quick fixes you'll feel they can feel lonely with your stuff around and find a call you'll feel better he will let you know I'm company that makes you feel great comfort food right shopaholic time when you return all of us have our own idols and it doesn't matter what you write or is when you turn what is it that you feel the need for notices in the hard questions ask but each one has to ask it to ourselves Lord where do I turn when I feel down and I feel discouraged why did I start thinking about maybe in popularity yesterday I am really popular a lot of people like me looking out for and by having my cell phone title company right now because Facebook but that's something that we people get attention get people to comment makes make people laugh in and of the something back to me I do have friends basing our sense of identity and worth liability on what somebody else thinks of us write the man that shifting space will go down soon they will be needing something else to make us feel like were lots it doesn't matter where we turn a gone want to set free he wants us to drink deeply from the fountain and intellect if this turned out and why would I want that I mean a one hundred seventy ever had a dry sponge of the dry bunch in your hands when you squeeze it it's ready to get anything of it right you put it in water and it just so evidence it dripping right doesn't take long for a sponge to soak up all that water I made us like I'm just thirsty and only heat that I thought we have a problem in our sinful world often there are things that kind of act like a Ziploc bag now imagining to put this sponge inside a Ziploc bag and then you put it into a sink full of water if it lived inside the bag when you pull it out ten minutes later and you open the zip lock bag and hears the clock of them but the clock is supposed to do your sponges filter high rankings this is how many people live they go to God this is how my Bible worker friend what she's going to document nursing herself and him and she's coming after all I should score why why I keep trying to connect with God is not helping me what is the Ziploc bag what is it that holds us back from really experiencing the love of God letting that satisfy our thirsty soul God has revealed himself in his words he's told us what he thinks of us in Isaiah forty three for assistance that was precious in my site and honorable and I have left the visit of the message of redemption God loves that this is the water for thirsty souls but we don't drink in God 's love because we haven't the block bad around us that the devil has he says things like nobody like you never do anything right near our fill in the blank whatever it is you're ugly your dumb on want to puncture through the plot bank and when money is that you want to ensure that the bag something sharp right don want to use the sword the word of God to puncture through the blood bank the same business who I am don't believe the lies of the devil many of us have been lied to by our parent not intentionally often but parents kneeling on the order of things he made it so a baby is born and in his plan that they will be born to two perfect parents who love each other and who love God his baby and throughout that baby 's life has been growing up even before they know there's a creator even before they're conscious of any of those things they learn about love they know their loved unconditionally if they're hurting funny take care of them if they are struggling with something someone else will help them with it and so they grow up in this constant consciousness of love and gradually their parents enough direct into by the way did you know who love the love comes from God is love there introduced to God and they grow up until Sunday there like their parents people who are also seeking after the God that they've seen all their life God is wow this is what guys like anatomy defense didn't pay and since then there's never been a perfect parents every parents have failed their children so in every person 's life there are ways of their parent is not reflected God to the end our parents have misrepresented God in profound ways maybe your parents and yell that you pull into your worth nothing I don't care about you you know maybe your parents have abandoned you are neglected you whatever it is your parents have done that has no like Christ that maybe something that goes into making in that block bag around your heart it makes a harder for you to believe that God is love because your parents and show you that those I know God loves me but practically I feel that if only I do everything right God will love me because that's the way my dad was if I do everything right my dad will love me if I don't he yelled at me therefore we try to connect with God we feel but not doing everything right he's not love me I just know it the word of God sent you a feel matter what but I feel that using this is how the word of God works to set us free God says compare what you feel about me to let the word says about me and then which one you believe God says that I feel which we believe God that must be what we believe God says that I feel is not a question we need to answer summoning people come to me for counseling and this is their primary problem God said but I feel that I should be dating this person but I feel I will die I break God said that he loved me and I feel that until I get than enough nobody can love me God said that I don't need to go to this addiction but I feel I can't stop when we are struggling with those things we need to figure out what is the Ziploc bag when my misconception of God because if we understand what God is and who you really it the law that he had for by spending time with the meditating on his word we will be transformed into the image will see why that's such a light will be drawn to him well rested love will luxuriate in it but instead we feel you know I'm trying so hard to connect with God but he I think they're doing now I just got an e-mail couple of days ago four brothers and why does God command I have faith in him when he does so little to make me feel that he's trustworthy a real answer from the heart crying out because God had been misrepresented to her because God was misrepresented to the fire but by other significant people in her life and profound way she now lives there but she feels God is not that she's dealing with fear she's dealing with anger and she's wrestling with these things one of the answer for something like the answer lies in letting the sword puncture the bank thank God what do you say about your love meditating on it I don't mean okay got it that our document and everlasting love therefore letting me after many believe that payment in gold luncheon today he's automatically on unexpectedly transform your life if I can do is just take a little sick and take off God wants it to become a part of you when you feel you know I just feel so awful I got it from the work today and I got a ticket driving home I feel rotten but God said he see this as a prime time to let the sword cut through the bank then it's okay I love you anyway he doesn't know that you've made mistakes we see then retracted what God says about us what we feel becomes less and less important as we meditate on God 's word what God says outweighs what I feel our culture says what I feel outweighs what God said God says homosexual behavior is wrong but how can love be wrong I feel it's right well you got to do what feels right to you and your God says this is the right way walking I feel that God is love my boyfriend need to gallery that he's not a Christian but he's such a kind person patients see how he treats other people and you know he was asking a spiritual questions just the other day I really think that God is the God that it doesn't matter what I feel that nothing I can work with a person in that situation octagon people who have married people who are not of the faith and God has been working the situations to transform and bring his glory out of it that's not how God wants us to go about doing his work evangelistic dating when God said is something you don't have to weigh up God said I feel he is doing that right but will you ever be able to do what he says if you're still caught in a fight with a broken system this is what I see people doing okay God says about a break this off and on video to break it off and they break it off two days later well we decided we just be best friends yeah but you get dead was you broke the system is broken broken cisterns and a right not to do that anymore but she refused to do the fountain of living water God created us is thirsty being there's nothing evil about that first it's like to ride him cry he gave it to you that thirst for someone to love you someone to make you feel worthwhile he wanted finding in handy when you find in him and you look at that relationship and they will have everything that a person his treating me this way why would I want to stay with a person who is pursuing a life goal but so radically different than my own and being changed into the image of Christ he's given our goal is holiness we see Christ first the goal of happiness we seek self first whenever Christ is not on the front of our heart something else will jump on the throne and that something else will always bottom befell you may him analysis I will sacrifice for the person you never had anybody laughing before like me this is the first chance they never had to see what life is really line now and it would be funny if I seems utterly tragic things happen but really people the people you know what I was teaching every mark how many I taught a beautiful wonderful girl named Eric Eric well she wanted to follow God with all her heart but she was very weak shoot gone through so many things in her life that he designated her repeated abuse along with the drug at it all kinds of horrible things that poor girl had just been through so much in life and finally when the sheets on one of her lungs boyfriends ex-boyfriend came and took her theater she turned eighteen he persuaded her to come off campus when she climbed in a car he drove away with her kidnapper that your stay with me now and because she was eighteen now you know she went along with it being herself she just couldn't say no to anybody she needed something to offer so desperately within a few months she was pregnant the relationship was so rocky often on all kinds of things happen when she was just her daughter with a year and half old almost year old I think I remember her calling me one time to market please need can get near the middle of the night she was terrified she married some other guy and she didn't know what to do this guy has terrorizing her I persuade her to wait for the morning I would come get her I went to get in the next morning but then I think she realized thing with me she would be able to smoke and she gotten addicted to smoking again so she called her mom and her mom that she would come get her so she went to stay with her mom again before long the other boyfriend with the father of her daughter came back into her life it just one file after another she had found much promise she got rebaptized that she wanted you I see she she had a heart to follow God until shortly before her dad she made a recommitment to Christ she left this boyfriend she started bringing a little growth out of school every week she was going around telling everybody Jesus loves us too much coming so soon regarding writing when things are best about her when she was a Academy was walking around with this dream with a bunch of little memory verse card index cards of your memory verses and while she walked from the Academy overhead for lunch she really reverses and memorizing claim promises she had a heart and God working your life but just that morning before she was killed she was on the phone with her boyfriend parole officer ex-boyfriend that point telling him it he just stopped immediately like me so much he persuaded a commuter parking lot for some reason shocker get in front of the little girl and people will collect codependency I will call it idolatry because that's what the Bible calls now fortunately for her and knowing air and knowing how she was she wasn't she was a little feebleminded in some ways she wasn't fully with it and some of the things that she was going through I believe her heart was right with Christ she had recommitted herself to Christ I think I'll be seeing her in heaven maybe the Lord knew he better just allow this to happen because she was right with him at this point she was in a spiral into this thing again at it he didn't rescue her but what a tragedy a beautiful girl with some of the potential because she she was so feeble at breaking up a cycle of the broken system should break one five but then she would go back to Christ because it has been misrepresented during her life infinitely profound way or should go to Christ but she wouldn't be able to stop doing the behaviors that she knew she needed to stop the cycle of the broken system is deadly and it will kill you you will kill you either way until there or will kill you and rob you of your eternal life God wants to set us free and he wants to give us that living water as he gave us the living water we break the cycle we have the courage to take the steps to do what we need to do and as we have the courage to take the steps we draw close to him about God 's amazing grace these two forty six that the glory of God is to be revealed in the creation of man in God 's image and in his redemption one goal is of more value than a world this is the truth that God wants us to meditate on the truth that punctures any that lock bag around any soul as we understand God loves me he created me and his MH he had this unlimited potential throughout all of eternity he wants to be changing me more and more to become more and more loving the wow you're like that do you love me like that all Lord I love you more more and more every day we learned that more wealthy like to follow him as we meditate on redemption we realized I've made a mess of my life I've blown it so many ways that Lord you love me so much that none of those things even on my valuing your eyes on the infinite worth even in the midst of all my sin and filled those truth of creation and redemption as we meditate on those who meditate on how much he loved us how much were worth in our sense of identity is built on him and we no longer need to go to the broken cistern says he spent time with God in the morning he tapped his shoulder and said you realize that you talk to has been yesterday was disrespectful you realize that you talk to daughter it was shaming her and tell me what you come up I you realize the way that you and him today he wanted to go to make you feel bad that is coming to pass a social recount of those things when I get to the point in life I'm convinced where we have no broken systems that were ever naturally drawn to where we say he will no longer tempted to anything that they wonderful but that's not the way it is in a fallen world and there's nothing being tempted as God wants to cleanse us all the way down to the roots he wants us to understand you can only do good we often have in pure motives are mixed motive on doing the right thing Lord down and thought it wouldn't mind if somebody put it in the newspaper he will be life limiting St. Louis tallied just amazing I saw how you treated that poor old man young carnal carnal nature and impure motives are always just a step away and the devil is always there they looked your worth a whole lot like how well you treat people look away good Christian you are broken systems all of them one of the base our sense of identity or worker love ability on how note time you left me really glad Anthony subject in your service he then broken cistern as soon as we start thinking anything that were supposed to get from God on other things it's a broken sister and were likely likely to stray laughs with you to find I know I call it anything the rules are hard instead of God is something ruled my heart it will control my behavior but the behavior is not the problem my heart is the problem my behavior may be compulsive and I may then say are right to stop doing that on a throw away all those clothes I know I shouldn't have a mentor well that music I know I shouldn't have to but what's going on in your heart are used and I will or not just didn't do any remodeling to because I have no peace without you do what you want because I love you with all my heart come into my heart letting me change me help me to drink the blood from your fountain when I feel thirsty I don't feel close to you Lord help me meditate on what your word says about how you feel about instead of believing how I feel I believe the word the word is what breaks through that plastic bag anytime are not spending time regularly indeed devotional time with God that plastic bag starts to grow and our hearts again we start getting thirsty he will not make me feel good about myself I need something under the supplements just a little thirsty Lord hear you're doing great job in a very funny just a fine satisfaction of hearing her heart it's all about our heart how much you love them how much he he would sacrifice stress the price you paid for when you know the prices paid for you how can you doubt that your worth anything to me that until no space instead of going out to find something reviewing how to greatly eight eighteen eighty two says Christ alone can satisfy that sense of works in the human soul his gracious invitation reaches down even to our time from the fountain of life the cries still goes forth to a lost world come unto me and thirty year when notice is out there in the desert and he struck the rock in the water for now there was not there was enough for everybody in our water never stops flowing if there's review whether you feel like if they are not any time you go in think I need you I need that many he will you may not feel satisfied right away because he wanted to keep going toward that way since the Uganda encouraged to give you the strength to keep persevering have you personally we want instant gratification but if he didn't until I can demand it God last time I pray you flatter me with peace I want to do that this time to live greener grow what happens when you make it to the end of time and suddenly be tempted in every way and you have to now but in the past and recently recognized legend repeated infinitely now he's not really do generally on the feelings you can't rely on the word and so that's why he doesn't always give you that feeling of being fat I immediately sometimes it's because if you got the feeling you wouldn't mind going on with the thing you keep drinking from that broken cistern but if you don't feel good it willing to probe deeper and take on what is going to an interview when the line to be on the throne of my heart shall be when it is not in our heart the throat and my heart so that I can have you again the kingdom my life then the piece can fly then we can live in life is present whether or not we feel it because we know we know I've confessed anything that I know of it is between you and me therefore I can rest in rejoicing you know that when something else tempts me I can cling to you you'll give me the strength and you will satisfy my heart whether I feel great immediately or not you will set my heart now I talk about he also often I hear about codependency I think it's something that really needs to be mentioned my counselor someone codependent you can see the iceberg picture the codependency is that they're the top a little less little thing that sticks out the top when people are in codependent relationship that they call them all they are the idolatrous relationship very simple the Bible deals with codependency that this idolatry and ideals of the family that he deals with all other idolatry he said give it up now that doesn't mean that in every situation where you can't until place for you feel better if you have this person 's friendship comforting you they making you feel good now I want to go back and drinking fountain of living water but to just label it codependency on fire he got a codependent relationship with this person let's talk every week you can work through your feelings anonymously to break it off I just want to talk to you feeling them all out and then you feel a lot better this is the modern psychotherapy approach talk about everything that you feel don't don't try to take any action because once the feelings go away and do the right thing once you stop feeling so so needy and lonely and early in the breakout for the first now break the cycle of the broken system on both side Christ can stop it the bad thing the item that is that you're going to committee something that are even bad in themselves but then become idols to you may be some item of clothing that isn't bad in itself but when you where you feel fantastic about yourself really need to lay that aside for a couple of weeks in critical Lord will help you not to rely on the ceiling to make you feel confident to trust him and his love for you then you can be able to do something without having to cling to it yet in my practice people must do both if they do one effectively they will be driven to do the other if the person come to Christ and really love him and really drinks in his last they have the courage to break off the relationship they have the courage to stop the weight of their relating to food but if they don't drinking from the fountain of living water they start becoming compulsive again this is not a finish line it can journey your journey into your destination your journey of that process of becoming more and more like you so any time along the way you can fall off the pass on either side you can fall off into the side of crime into great community setting to Christian that you know God is to spend time with them everyday I may spend three hours every day I'm an admin father and Tuesday all day long with him yes some people do fall into this I'm in a do everything they do it a hundred and ten percent and then not will accept me on a major problem bad stuff I've done path that strengthen yourself by our own works that's legalism all of the Lord has spoken we will do that for the children of Israel trying to do right to try to break the broken cisterns I think all of a lot of spoken we will do will do everything he said it even more ready to do it all but without going to the fountain of living water they immediately went back and before they know they are making the golden calf on the other hand some people will fall to the opposite extreme now say I'm not to do those things are not to break it off I'm disconnect permit and timely thought every day and encourage graduate out get to where I'll be able to stop doing things that I know I shouldn't do that as long as long as you're doing that you never can really break away because you're going to kill that thing is still more important meeting Christ my pacifier when you're drowning you've got to grab this rotting log or you can reach out and swim for that life brings up the ship is thrown to you got to choose one or the other he claims arising log a life ring is always a little too far away and if you swim so that you got let go of it so God wants us to choose pieces choose you this day you will serve if we cling to the thing we can fully let Christ into our life not that he doesn't keep working with a will we not wanted for hanging onto something else we we find ourselves compulsively driven to that I had people yelled out very now I know I know you're right I'm not in any more time with him I'm just wrecking my life later on the phone after I got long you you just can't break it on your own people decide I'm getting do this and it didn't follow the Lord has spoken we will do that without the deep connection with him they gotten their golden calf is back right away on the other hand when people turn to God in the Indochina relationship with God is starting to my devotional thing that you were talking about and not to give up my anger to work my father and before long they're coming back communication I've been trying and trying to connect with God but I just can't seem to a user 's e-mail I just feel like I'm doing everything I can not doing anything to connect with me well because he can flow into you because if you had that piece flow into you you know your connect with God why would you let go here I don't he loves you too much to make you comfortable in your skin and a lot fully peacefully hanging onto your writing log as you got a hell even want to do that to you he loves you too much that he says Chase one of the other sometimes we as ministers to others and this is what I mean counseling sometimes we have to call people to that choice you know yesterday I talked with a wife whose husband is that totally not willing to confront opinions use and yet even ministry and she's going to a counselor and counselors listening to her every week for two hundred dollars an hour very nice improvement she says what should I do that is your counselor talking about Matthew eighteen Washington Christian counselor the notion that Matthew eighteen month your husband is living in as you said looking at pornography printing every week e-mail me to do what God called you to do and maybe comfortable economical understanding and loving kind life to him while I put you in a position to help him confront his sinfulness you can say how many if not killing your life where you have to deal with it or else I'm just up the level of discomfort for you not because I mean or angry but because I want to help you to come to Christ because I'm not willing to let you live on the fence risking every day that you will be lost eternally if you're not going to make that decision I'm to help them become more uncomfortable for you to stay in this position maybe that means I can Matthew eighteen you take it to somebody else wishes Artie done if thunder work you take it to the church to say that this was going on my husband is doing these things in my lifetime and of course applicable now I want to do that is really complicated boy he'd be mad at me well so which one is more important to you how you feel your husband 's eternal salvation marriage is not a picnic it's hard work especially when you're dealing with issues like that but as all that higher and higher he said don't just think for happiness well it's going okay right now and he's not being abusive and yeah he's checked out emotionally but you know where making it work and I just I can't rock the boat right now because I don't have the courage and strength to deal with that will understand how you feel but he wants to go the holiness not just happiness yelling often what people really want is for me to tell them all pray with you it's okay God understands how your hurting I just keep trying keep trying and a little time with him every day you know it'll all work out I need to help them figure out what other would idols when the visitor fleeing to instead of Christ now if I were an oncologist infinity company they got the Panther romances really don't feel terrible if I tell her that the rash here but this cream on enough not helping at all online God says company show your heart anything lower like my heart show me what wrong motives are the things that I'm doing even good things I'm doing then he said here with investment is something that needs to go I got out that when all Lord I really need to apologize to him he's okay time I cannot actually get tolerated in any good but your pride is the real issue and pride is a sin right away in my life approved that will pride because the Bible that talk about trying to make talk may not say specifically you need to talk to this person about how you think against them by company but it does talk about my pride and how I need to be humble right the Bible deals with the root issues and the two were issues of all men are forsaking God the fountain of living water and healing out broken systems that can hold no water all of our students come from one of those two kinds of fountains are often from both of them right I get into something and if it becomes more and more complicated women who love too much says in his introduction is not a book I recommend are anything but an interesting insight most men who had been damaged in childhood do not develop an addiction to relationships they usually try to protect involvement with their pain through pursuits which are more external and internal more impersonal than personal big tenancy is to become obsessed with work sports or hobbies this is often the God of control men want to be in charge they want to be God by being in control of their lives not the women don't have that to the one tendency is to become effective the relationship perhaps it just that you damaged a distant man we often want to fix it to be God right you shall be as God knowing good and evil will I find that you know you will be gone if you can just help this man enough you will heal his heart by your everlasting unconditional love for him well you won't God is a limiting condition of his heart and sometimes the best you can do to help remedy to go to thought is to remove that comforting blanket of you make them feel better in order to help them go to God and say he was the only one who can help you tell lies to yourself this is when the things I see people do so much the person who manages to deny his pain behind the façade of togetherness is dangerously vulnerable to developing compulsively sinful habits because he's not dealing a death blow to the wrong strategies that block his enjoyment of the work the unrecognized and largely unfelt aching soul still demands relief right for being cooked you know if they denial is not a river in Egypt did not tell Israel's key and the Bible deal with it the Bible says we need to speak the truth in her heart even speaks the truth in his heart will be saved behold the virus truth in the inward parts we can lie to ourselves and the Pharisees like themselves they knew Jesus was forgotten yet they refuse to believe it people lie to themselves and this is why God wants to confront is that of the value of counseling that when we go to somebody else who has studied the Bible and sees how it applies a library of your life inevitably we have our own blind spot because of our sinful tendencies and then we get his liberty else they hear something I'm struggling with they may be able to look from the outside they look even simple really thought about this we know about asking why I'm doing this if I thought if that is together with the church right that different people have different perspectives on thin situations and can help one another see you know until I married my husband I didn't see some of the sinful ways that I was selfish that I wanted to be in control of my life no God wants to keep on showing up both areas where we need to grow into his image so lying of course is a sin that leads to other kinds of sin lying to ourselves leads us to do compulsive thing like pornography I keep getting never been a unity government twelve filters on my computer great idea filters may help you break the broken sister-in-law and five when you're having a weak moment but until you go to God and to his cleansing that you really accept his grace if so then he turned back to the things while you'll keep rebuilding your broken cisterns or build new ones at a friend who goes from homosexuality to drive alcohol taking Al Qaeda takes turn food different addictions this will fade away for a while now it will grow stronger that will fade away for a while and underwent growth a person may conquer their their tendency to get a food idolatrous late but what are they getting it to next if it's not cry it will be something it doesn't matter what it is it can be destructive no matter how harmless it may seem you know we as Adventists trumpet how terrible it is together smoking and alcohol things like that but what about movies what about TV whereabouts codependent relationships are just idolatry what about falling into over ministering I'm just giving you more evangelistic meetings under the act in the church six nights a week because then all feels so much better whenever I start feeling down talk about you but look at all things that I do but how well I preach but how many people didn't tell you how to strictly keep your chin I don't not want to deal with our hearts not that there's anything wrong with being busy six times a week and ministry but if that becomes what we base our sense of worth on wearing big problem what are some broken systems that people go to I not been mentioning them all along the way but I'll just mention some I hear that I think people that are very commonly entertainment I can't tell you how many form this one takes that are all badly and think the harmless the act benediction entertainment living in Collegeville if I have a new entertainment addiction if there is no young people everywhere in other assistant article in the newspaper the other day about going out dancing on Saturday night and how wonderful it is that the benefits of going out dancing at this time and what convenient it was don't worry if you're thinking economy over by the federal month nine o'clock at night and goes on until eleven is not great you don't even have to break good I'm not saying that it's wrong to have fun please don't misunderstand me but when we know that's we need to come to Christ instead were wasting our time on those things we need to think where we can be when the crisis hit when the crisis comes were doing all the I needed to be filling up my lamp with a while but I'll be ready for this time right food food is a big one so we had Dennis who would never dream of eating a paid the lines of reading at potluck every Sabbath right if it is not the simple except when it's not working with the sex another with a big one for many people it may not be that were having sex but we may be daydreaming about someday when I get when I get married then it will be legitimate point I'll be wonderful God wants us to find deep intimacy with him many people are driven to pornography because they're not having a deep intimate relationship with God we long to be naked and not ashamed with somebody but God wants us to have that with he wants us to poor health out to be totally vulnerable anyone with you what we are doing that we can we find an unhealthy craving percent the fact that saturated culture the common problem competition even on healthy things you know I'm getting really good grade or I'm exercising and staying relationships in this wonderful but it is an electric turning to only feel down to return to this is that the Christ we go out there and basketball court and how somebody behind feels so good I just drove myself out I won if that were refining our comfort were in trouble control the fund takes only forms can even begin to get into the virtuosity being so spiritual having your devotions regularly I know people who just seem to flourish on having people put their feet and well there's nothing wrong with knowing Valentine says about anything that's wonderful but if we feel like were worth something because we know how much other people look up to a that may be an item self protection there in hurt me again on to be able to handle everything myself either way to not trusting God God wants us to trust him to be willing to go into relationships that may even cause pain you know when I make friends with somebody I know if I allowed this person in my life they have some habits of being really mean I may I may get hurt well that's true and counseling sometimes I have to make that delicate decision on time to minister to everybody but some people may if they don't get what they want turn on me and be bitter angry she said she would can help me but she is not running on the same in ministry and in friendship you have to take risks of being hurt not that there is a very important place for having good boundaries and saying you know you have consistently showed me that you're not going to the kind of friend that I can I went but sometimes people put a boundary around themselves because they don't want to be hurt pain is not our enemy is our enemy but we start being committed to self protection we stop being like Jesus Jesus love Junior knowing Genesis converting the fine news summary with gurney like that I let him into my life what I love them so deeply I don't know that I have that much of Jesus in the butt I want to God wants us to be willing to face paying for the sake of ministering to someone and idolatrous relationships codependency as many people call it on I talked to a girl not too long ago who was considered by her need to achieve and work just had to hear she was a runner she did so many things well when she started feeling bad that she would go to committing around run five miles I feel great again while exercise is a wonderful thing to do and it's very helpful with depression and things like that but if you're going to instead of Christ you're in trouble now I don't think that people need to a Mets getting to the point where they no longer have any kind of longing for anything other than Christ I don't think that's realistic but when we realized there something in returning to instead of Christ that's when we realized that the broken sister and friend handed of God when it comes to addictions I guess I would summarize undesirable behaviors are usually different and deeper sin issues pride love itself desire for pleasure instead of desire for God we crave glory comfort came really for something else to satisfy thirst but only God can really quench if you weed your garden with a lawnmower you can be sure that your addiction will come right back right you if you do things just trying to cut off the surface not to do those things anymore as you don't let Christ dig out the room you can be sure it'll come back yes I would recommend in identifying a broken cisterns in your life prayerfully evaluate where you turn we feel there is one the best ways to figure out what I'm turning to instead of Christ he turned to friends the same in a really popular and windowshopping for a little while we just see what there is to eat what we turn to instead of Christ what satisfaction does not idle brain what is it that makes me feel good about do I feel lovable like a worthwhile life felt powerful these are things I need to turn to God for his strength is made perfect in my weakness the more powerful I feel like I may feel my need for him look for the Redskins not just the free say Lord what is it I love that the way that God shows us what it is that's going on at the root of our hearts when we go to Emily say Lord what is really going to be a long possibility to satisfy the thirst of your heart he knows what it is you want to come to the point where you puncture every every line of the devil in your life he's been a coupon show you got a finicky bunch on you here's another thing I'd like you growing telephony does right he changes his into his image at our purpose as long as you were alive on this Earth he wants to keep on any luck yet another way to grow another way you can grow we don't expect plan for their growing to just stop right okay got missed call marketing everywhere from here on a grandmother always in growing your domain this is the way life is God wants us to always be growing because if we aren't really dying I don't know what it is that God may be revealing to you in in your heart broken sisterhood maybe you gone to that he wants to set you free from but I want to appeal to you asking just show you given to him whenever he shows it to you striking on both sides a large what is that we show you what it is to outline how can I dwell more deeply in your love for that I have the power to stay away from that thing on getting up right now Lord Canning and over to you I give my life to you with open hands now help me to dwelling you show me where the lives are at the Ziploc bag because around my heart puncturing show me how I can clean your word your power to give me the truth about what you feel about me about my work about what much you love me because then I'll be set free from all the other things the chains that bind and those things that were so important to me will win there up to I went I dying to go to that line God will do this for you he does it for me you continue to do it for me as so many things that I keep finding in my life don't think know how Nicole Parker has arrived now no I haven't I know the process but I have to keep on dying to self to rethink of Lord I know I need to stop being driven to want my own actions want my way it's always better behaved like to get his way is alarmingly he doesn't say do it my way or else he does that because he loved that he knows my way through it away this can make you happy and hold enough our goal is holy being like him only we hand over a broken system you union with the Lord you see are hard to see the depth of ugliness inside my heart by each heart here the ways that we've failed you the ways him with her safety gone after other thing I know how God sees me Lord show us where those items are revealed to us as fast as you are ready to confront and give us the courage to let you reason out if they can't do it now we love you Lord we surrender to you help us to to finding you the peace that passes understanding the satisfaction of that first competent drink from that Crystal found that you've offer for traffickers thinking likely not be so much

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