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God? Why?

Don Mackintosh


Don Mackintosh

Chaplain/Pastor - Weimar Institute

Director - Newstart Global/the HEALTH Program (Health, Evangelism, & Leadership Training)



  • April 24, 2006
    12:00 PM
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well what you hear me okay okay got angry to say all of you today and you know who world focus is on relationships while at school unfortunately my life my grades were really a barometer that really showed what was at me in my life relationally favored going wrong with you know you got the wrong one baby of mine who grades were going wrong and that and down and around and so you know what I'm talking about this week is like really relevant and I face ovulate nodding all writing and the same thing as a sure want to get married it on the pastor to churches and if mom is not happier to say hey nobody happen and does so usually on Friday night you know were attacked as minister to an end God you know the devil tries to take me out because the next day I have to get up and printed stage and that so those relationships have to be into a movie and tropical relationships a report in this week really talking about relationship with God relationship with parents relationships with peers and then are you normal and I could say what that's about but it's going to mail one of the other top in and I got to tell you that no longer be really doing this tell you my story you know like I was dying of alcoholic another candidate I would be telling you about no my relationships and everything is all I really have to share with you so today I introduce a couple of ladies in my life but I have I live with relating my life and then my two daughters repaired once you got back in the relationship of this eliminates that really fair but she's right there in the shadows to the light of my liability to be the light and then we have the smoking when throwing her name is Elizabeth needs rest of evening of the rifle and then there's Catherine Caroline is my thought is that the rains all day and then at me that this great little kids and no matchmaking is asked how math is use sugar although oatmeal without directly something else this is my newest first picture of him this is this is Malcolm and eight we do note was not enough because you see the many ways that can go there but they are the one that finally one we called we called that Donald Malcolm X 's heart rate than that thereby bootable point of views everything it helps us know that he's a boy and that there is identified until like three or four minutes after he is born you cannot is like slinky looking annoyed look at her highlight what I sent my wife God help us as I know you can be troubled but looking forward to it so this week again God why parents out there soon are you getting back to normal but today God why I get you I always believe in God was raised a Christian home I was raised exiting the seventh address home actually before that erases them of evidence after but being raised in an Adventist home turn the African plate surrealism for the time I left the church became an atheist the card-carrying atheist I read all kinds of the philosophies without humans will do later that take you nowhere quickly and I by myself you know without God in any way and I was vitriolic about this I was I love to talk to Chris and I like the income guidelines and have a few of the workers operated what it was when I got into healthcare when I fly I graduated from nursing school and when I got out and I started working in that and a healthcare situation that I can't know God doesn't get it right here here and help your situation and if you listen the voice of God is there it will speak spoke to me I remember this like yesterday I'm themselves or their amount in Chronicle logical order in terms of this presentation but I'm telling you different ways does the Brueggemann notes year and it keeps me on track with my wife's not here on one of the reasons I believe in God is because it makes to the work anybody they wanted it I was working this particular life in the in the emergency department of the hospital emergency radio network at the there was someone in your life is severely injured and they were on the way to the hospital and here they came in and this guy was messed up they said that would burst in the door they said his name in all of us knew of sprung that family the nameless help I hope that your name is not sampled within what he was in Siam sample of because of government but because became man and this guy mother 's family injured leg because he had been inebriated in the frontal lobe was not connected to anything else that's okay everything out became disconnected from the frontal lobe and he was there any he was in pain but he has this ability to just completely turn the place upside down he walked in Orkney came in on the on the gurney anything is the way of the receptionist who happens to be back in the emergency room figure it out and if I was your husband if you have one I will let you are all well I'm about it and realized that her husband had just left her then we can Bertha matures left to look at another lady who was arrested in May 's use or off by splitting at a terrible self image it was struggling with that and she left the room upset they continue to go down the line and was if he had a sense of what was wrong about everybody and we just hold Aaronic priests out everybody was all upset would say W J Cambell one detail of no one wanted it one of knowing that and I was attending the seminary of John I'm working as a nurse at night and they all had times of one of Clark Kerr and looked at me and said you won't tell when to take care of say and I said no Eric went in there I was ready of time God help me God help because it am I killing of one another to all these people were the glory of your night help me object I go in there and savage yell at him instantly better one of the double six it is yelling at me are you praise up pronto blathered endlessly that it in there and it was as filling out an oddity was like recommending me happened how do I looking that you and I thought I heard your on your law not only against regular two arm guards there no in the room and that he was trying to distract here and here and he was flailing around like this and in general and now I know that it am I going to the garden submitted regardless of genetically leaving the user know aptly so they left the civilian relatives like the Clintons in Washington arising with an invalid hostile with doing a lot of notice of disease and so I made to you what I wanted to do I will list as I said I now I want time with myself on the Senate committee goes the people outside analyses completely silent and will and and yelling the Hamburg man they think on their event coming around how they want to the two armed guards was going out of sand I sounded up with you guys in the government and all after bowel movements are yelling at me was praying he goes back and I've gone through all the textbooks I could ride with them and I didn't know what else is in sin I wanted to get it the sun similarly a sentiment and this came out of my mouth I said to him say I like because who I count because it is going to work well want to open this can be done with a little general relationship between how a person looks at how I feel about you well you know the relationship between Clark and enticing was having an affair about that nobody knew about but you mentioned you are brilliant at times to relationships you want to be just like his online help people weather and it's a bit is set it can usually when we don't want to be like you but I want to know all of those feelings about people so I could not think of mom that held but I want to help you with your Latin may help exactly the double move a lot about relationship and he knows exactly what's happening in life I think he sends people like Sam that are meant to take you off and regular park and take your life apart you think is true I think you know about dating relationships I think he knows about the relationships between your help and I think he knows all I think that God speaks in the I say that God has dealt to each person a measure of faith consolidated on the San Diego to a doctor who studies the Temple will take a look at life it's a little voltage right here in your temporal lobe activity for religious experience I think that particularly a garden in God 's already there and stimulate things of already been there in the brain each person has a measure of faith and noticed what it says here quote from a little old lady ran a lot to do a different place love with it Christ is the light if every man that comes into the world as the Christ every human being of life so while the admiration received a every once in writ receives some array of divine light everyone gets what I get those within it not only intellectual but spiritual how are the steps in the right a desire for goodness exam in every heart even so far as it makes working in the hospital a lot more areas that are important where is that intellectual and spiritual power the perspectives of perception or might look at this next one thing paying the result of the industry of knowledge of the enabled manifest the government experience there is in his nature vintage anal of course without any can't resist that was which I was down one hundred to withstand this force to attain that I mailed whence it is and most of you install the accept as a lonely one the new can find help in but one power that powers Siam when I talk to you more you know we desperately wanted on a woman's right and you can only get a response by saying was wrong of her health sans leg healed came back later he visited with me starting a course where his whole life when you want to have insight into relation if you haven't already or is ask God this week to win with that ray of light that is put each of your hearts the strength of a light with light of every e-mail what happens when every single one of your relations that's one reason I believe in God because God reaches out to the wireless and he can speak through the worst is another reason that I believe in God now it because he speaks to the worst like to send another reason I believe in God is because people die in a something before I start working in the hospital of what was going to school in different ways I had this fantasy world that was not connected with the reality of pain suffering and death question work in a hospital when I started CPR from the first time I went up in the angles of the paramedic I went on analyst for my first run and as I went on the endless ride we went with the very first call and we went to forestall and guess what happened this little child Chilean result had been climbing on a drastic decline of the one for a second look at their door and before that and began swinging on the dresser on the dresser was not connected to the wall and the dresser fell over and with a heavy dresser on that two -year-old what I've seen many people died never really got to me and since anything started to happen in the hospital I was happy-go-lucky I was in nursing school and I was the only man in the class of forty or fifty I was saying praise God from whom all blessings flow it is and I was twisted I was crooked in my thinking unable to commit the relationships but involved in many and as I went to work as a nurse I begins I was maybe if I wanted talking beta bottom of the what the work of a war story today as I want to work I like big and paternal round as I had to come to grips with our number like yesterday was taking care of the leading hospital and she was an older lady was over sixty since he came in and she had a AAA not insurance and aortic aneurysm and abdominal aortic aneurysm only familiar with that other word she was about to pop thank you Charlie goes down here with getting larger and larger and ilk was a surgical treatment is even given that usually many people find a table with that especially those close to the heart they will do a surgery but if it's further down more more dangerous as you're probably aware of and there was this Lacey Thompson cc in the diocese the dialogue she has something that is not a surgical candidate selector of the season do not resuscitate like the doctor are a Mrs. Johnson estimates of all minds down your nurse today to mount I'm not really interested in patients because I'm not really connected with God and I connect with people 's library and all whatever and I'm also a doll I said hello and him and are today why did the gatherings like get back with nurses at the nurse 's face in all my priorities and that as you know I have this problem in my abdomen they tell me I'm been a die for things that she goes are you ready to die honey get ready to die pretty heavy question unlike well you know maybe if as I am I don't believe that you're really concerned about you Doron want to die probably have been like a pretty old and are exactly and secondly as I've never dialectic I would like to have me as your nurse ratchet and also I like about this is this is a bad move one or sixty four for cool floor the conventional so and now this is the celebrities she goes she goes well that's that's the açai very comforting I said well I may I said I'm sorry but you know but that's only got the got around to look at all and then I come back will do later she goes round of bailout about what you said you wanted I've been an atheist my whole life will I just started out in a and boldness of you who made it she was a visceral life reason she didn't know what to do about death is because you never really thought about it either to get either a dismal whole life I suppose you like Nietzsche thought you said you wanted to recommend that's great she summarizes it as it should I suppose you like Sardar Ali I like the love I like that stuff to talk about all the different thing I've really gotten tennis work course in nursing school by reading the works of Carl Rogers and God counted on this twisted rock I found something to replace what I did right with and I was headed down I was headed out I long ago said goodbye to guide the only source of authority for me with what I came up with what was creative entertaining but still so anyway she cuts through it all to so dominate it I always have been and is not working for me now to him about to die I immediately googled under suspicion as I want take care that Lady Morrissey troubles me I didn't want to deal with that and the birth of sorry but I will get back tomorrow but you know what if I go back into asking me these questions why is it that you got into atheism unlike some reason very nervous I think it seems like they were somewhat not one fact next day come back and I go to nursing take care and blessing was yet doubling the subject that the distances and I said Karen did did did you take me off back in a bit of the side of mutations is actually no but you would Mrs. Johnson again and you're supposed to be with Mrs. Johnson for the next well actually till she dies because she has requested to cause like what I said late silently I asked these questions in this and that is Yugoslav working artists there are euros over what reopening of the minor was like say as Mister I said below you can change it I'm sick so I'm gone I'm somewhere else let me summarize them in oncology put me in the morgue on the anywhere bubblegum of their and I'm sorry but not only did she request that you be in the room by her two sons requested so if it doesn't so what these are two two very prominent doctors in our institution here in what Doctor Johnson and Johnson your result is that so was David and Philip they were and one of them was a cardiologist the other was a thoracic surgeon I'm working on a cardiac step down unit below bread-and-butter of cholesterol goodbye you whenever selected unlike as I realized her pay I said okay and the lonely on walking around opening a bit trying not to get will not want to promote a blood pressure medication or blood pressure that the human pop basically within the wedding date is only a little couple weeks at thing when dissecting that would be it they were trying to recover I go down there going to turn around ha ha I'm so attributed to figure of eleven this now what I have to question on America's one thing and dialogue to logo available even you will what's the question what does your dad do throwing on a reservoir my dad does I hope I do what is your dad you know Nietzsche 's dad was a minister in the digital account on the bed with the minister is another and another Colorado study for the ministry did you know that it is all the child found that the minister is another kind is that the master of all these people that they can then drift some of them PhD 's own rupees and you are these of XYZ all of the sophisticated reasoning it took him away from God but something to do with relationship with her there was talk about that tomorrow I was like I was in the lights in the was again the lights out of the one in the war of the amount of interest in what you have said about death and have nothing but I would like to know what your dad would say advisedly how is it that I would prepare to die and never finds out about this again why I said well I devastated if you've accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior do you believe in him he is jotted that force with in relationship with God then you will you die the next thing is they have faith and some people say that the longtime thumping that happened but the moral value the next things I think is a Jason and that you and Mason Trent Lott and your relatives except intermittently until they come together in a marathon a lot more comforting when he returned the other day and I'm not him I found a way but you know really just by eligible directors of the brain and we could feel this way and at my desk on the psychoticism Middle East trouble and I explained all under that tomorrow and he and I would try to put all documents but really wish I like you I thought you same way that I rightly think that I fault myself for years but now I'm facing it I don't know what to do I'm thinking that this may be something I need to explore so maybe I can get your rabbi priest of family and something about it I'll got Caldwell College at the not want to talk to you about it he asked with a Karen this is what's happening and I please get out of there she says no the day Johnson died it was about six o'clock in the evening I come and invest my medications in a good living through chemistry and I finish that run to three o'clock and I was headed down the hall I went down the hall and I came to her room and talk to her to talk to me I gave her a pressure lowering medication sheet and ask me another annoying question and I was you are trying to avoid aromas but as I could like a month with energy was very diaphragmatic at the pain in your upper back I like the real trouble you probably about ready to was in the process feel we would have a very brief time this withdrew immediately called Doctor what was happening he called the two surgeons are the cardiologists and surgeons and the rest the family started all comment that has no clue what to do then all the races atheists they have no connection with God they were all bewildered they didn't know what they are seeing death many times but was disconnected from the this was their mother they loved her obviously and they were there they were standing outside the room only a few of the wiggle room doctor or morphine sulfate or milligrams to a time to help with the banks I brought up I go down I give her some comfort to the last moment of her life she has a heparin lock and I go down to give her the medication I got out I say look I got some medication for you to sweating is looking the eyes of Baltic she looks at me is only in the last moments of life it can still talk and she says to me I figure I like to give you this medication is used as no will this will help you and everything right in the eyes folks said to me at the place this is asked how do you pray to God at all the different things to write in the face said will you pray for me at Jesus minutes away from death getting there I'm a ministry morphing ready through this and she says no I don't want that would you pray for Macy's get well I can write that I was so callous cold I was so without God limited to I told I don't believe in God but now someone else was in the room with me or I probably would be in hell right now but anyway someone without else's in the room and her name with God he got he would speak supervisor that he was he was black as the ace of spades and eyeballs look like the orbs of a full moon and those eyeballs were saying will say look to bad it looked like it was about to kill me she said that private attitude to physically alter the bad all I know right beside all days in St. Paul a person other than that I made on the back and it and with between the dying when the quick and the dead is what I did but he believes in you for some reason as a result of me talking he wants to be in your accounting of the month accepting the inode to if you were there you said you want to accept her please accept her if her heart 's desire is I finished the prayer room word were very high and that's in my life and save my life this lady really good I was so set up by that I said I have to leave I walked out of the room it was one of the granddaughters of the course he was crying she was nearly one in the room no one knew what to do another walked up there with Doctor Johnson Johnson is an thank you so much for what you've done for our mother and one gave me a fifty dollar bill I felt like Judas excepting the twentieth thirty pieces of so right through without subtle want your money I want down the character I think Karen I got to go home I didn't even like I walked out the door later I quit with nursing would not go back because I knew I would have to face death again and I didn't have the answers couldn't tolerate it anymore I left and I went to South America and more about that tomorrow will tell you that I believe in God because of that experience but there's other reasons I believe in God you think these are good enough reasons to get about ten more minutes I want they want our stories are in the believe in God because you know the Bible says blessed are those who die in the Lord from now on the essence and spirit any rest of labors and their works will follow I wanted to Mrs. Johnson her testimony or confession of a reason and they hear today you die in the Lord she had a relationship with the Lord 's he never had one her whole life he was an atheist and her accepting her pot drink changed my life and I say praise God for Mrs. I will buy you that the German ball a hospital unit accepted the Lord if you don't have a related word is on the right I'm afraid of people die in your presence I've already prayed I would ask that things will happily like definitely I'm than after the jump so clear that this relationship with God is so working that you have nothing to do except either except to reject on the propriety gotten to accept a life when I went to South America I doubted all kinds of a relationship I couldn't commit to anyone ever have a problem commitment in relationships for knowing when it's had a problem women who love too much I commit to this and they get dumped on or a man who can't seem to commit it so close and they can get a further all those things for my life I was a dilettante I was good at saying this about this and that and the other and girls love to me apparently been wasn't because of my looks obvious and I was down if you have to let that it was down in South America and I want to tell you folks this is serious I came to the point of wanting and I because I couldn't get any further in relationships and rarely the service is closing the deals people were interested in me and I believe because I couldn't stand the commit of you understand that that's what a lot of young people struggle with analog old people to all without South America I couldn't get a job I came back around money is amended to get a job I will go from hospital hospital I don't I did a great job in Isaiah lives I don't want my drives from the equipment resellers out of money I found myself in North Carolina North Carolina and I don't have any money and drive a diesel rabbit that's almost as close to halogen again and I was out I guess it anyway explain what that means but I'm there and I say you know what life like this is not worth living I walked out to the beach there was a scare the wind was whipping up and coming along I said may you know what I suggest in my life by jumping off that bridge I would die if I wanted and I was planning to do that early in my life no longer worth living I had rejected God even in the face of the test but I just told you about I said no to God and I continued on for a number of months I was at the end of that year and I was contemplating the end this voice came to me in the voice cameo is that all your mother like MacCallum my mother all your monitor Elizabeth Wesson went back back the lid and him cell phones were things like that I found a phone booth as I was unaware the phone book there was a group of homosexuals became a proposition they attention others go back out there and I now the money but never really happen like okay great wonderful not wanting to sound funny but was not me I would like outside you know I was like you and me he just wanted me to you once you go she doesn't want it relates to want me not only not have a relationship with God he wanted him I will start back on your mother and I went I didn't believe in God I could tell you a million reasons why I have all these papers I used to write about no I didn't believe in Gabbana Mrs. Johnson is coming my life and I'm on this course I come back I'm ready to kill myself call your mother I go back to the Bible I dial the numbers and I call my mother and I mother answers the plow I got the pain she's weeping on-the-fly so what's wrong to Bandai I have the last three hours had this impressive that you know when danger where I knew I had this wine into or about the time when you I had is concerned that somehow someone was out to get you all tag you mean by when this happens you begin to describe dive is overwhelming front I don't want to talk to the phone Donny I want to this activist well you know all in all-night ways where may I want at the video sees dryer none crying on the phone where you have how likely that the I couldn't believe it temporal manipulation by electricity does not ask why are all over the last living then intimate the only thing that it's planned that there is a God in heaven who knows what I'm doing and knows what is going out with renting out the error at the same time I made how can I have the ball like that I'm coming home and I got in the car the and I started in the middle of Ohio is a flawed to me this I know this because the Bible tells I called my mother she knew what was there is no way to explain Jemima except as a God who care why God because he was God why God because no matter who you are is something inside of you that wants God you in the midst of a relationship that's in shambles do you know someone like that you come to the seminar playing in it why because you need to know God and when you know God is like the global business in the center of the universe inasmuch as doing and what everybody else they can bring together any say in my life prices holy name I was once an atheist now our own way and God and I know he is with your relationship like I want to be one story tomorrow would you come back once you find that North Star on your connected with him every other relationship and three other relations would you pray with me father in heaven today I thank you I praise you praise your holy name for Mrs. Johnson I thank you for saying I thank you for my mother I thank you for those that are in touch with you today about being able to be used by you to direct other to get others to your throat I just praise you for the Lord thank you for revealing yourself to me or I sense that in this room you need to reveal something each person here and in this whole camp for those reasons we know you exist but the biggest most important is how you personally have revealed yourself I asked you would do that Athens would create situations of the needs of these people here everyone in their sphere of influence will be able to be brought to decision why got because you love like God because you know all about why God because you can change miserable lives even like mine thank you and praise you come and Jesus all of our holy men


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