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Why Breakups Happen

Alan Parker

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Alan Parker

Professor of missions and evangelism and director of Pierson Institute of Evangelism at Southern Adventist University

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  • October 12, 2013
    1:30 PM
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but again we want to thank you for being with us and meet with our relationships help us Lord not to minimize ourselves on our personal senses but to depend on you and on you will and on your revealed will inscription the Lord we pray that you guide and lead us through this presentation and help us to give honor and glory do you we ask this in Jesus name amen we're talking about breakups and I want to begin with my personal story I'm Alan Parker and IG chair in the school of religion at Southern Adventist University but my story with breakups began when I was seven years old I was a young man interested into woman at the same time which is not normal for most seven -year-olds but I think part of the reason why that happened was because I was from a broken home and I was desperate for love and so if one woman is good to woman must be better and so it got complicated because these two girlfriends of mine as we were spending time together they started to fight and I couldn't understand it like a simple thing like going down the slide into the pool and I thought it was very fair one window in front of me one would go behind me and that would be fit but then the one go got out and jumped in front of the other goals to push her further away anyway go down into the water and in and stop fighting with each other was a mystery to me what's happened that there was a little banquet coming up and then invited the accused to come along to the banquet went to them and I said is it a cab I take two girls they looked at me and they said no you're only allowed to take one pill one I had a real dilemma which fell was I going to take and so after carefully trained through it I came up with a solution I'd gone to the playground up to the swings that they were in the one who spoke to me first would be the one who I would take to the banquet and so I walked into the playground walked up to the swings a minute both were and before I could say a word the Lord answered my prayers to you to take both of them spoke at the same time and said that breaking up with you when going with you guys which had been second string golf brands so we want to go with a guy who will pay attention to us we with seven night and yet that's what it happened right at the beginning of our all of my journey into breakups and I was highly disappointed I had to take some six-year-old go I didn't even like to the banquet and I was thinking how can this be how can both of them have broken up with a huddling deal with breakups obviously breakups are something that's is that working it's like a returning it up help when working on easy breakups or something that can be very challenging for us if you want your breakup you can find that sometimes one of the most painful things to go through and because we been through breakups who watch friends friends go through breakups my wife and I decided that we wanted to do a presentation on breakups what causes them and how to prevent them because this is one of the most significant one of the most painful things that we've ever discovered all right I'll title for this presentation is how to avoid a breakup how to win a loser Alanna so you can choose which kind you willing to have so I want to begin with the day it all went wrong it had been nothing maybe it had been a nice day I traveled all the way to a different country to meet up with ago we had been corresponding and that she was in the middle of Africa and I had to go on a chicken bus I'm serious they actually had chickens on the bus just to make it out there on the way to the bus broke down and we had to get picked up by another bus and in Africa somehow they managed to get a sixty seat a bus to seat eighty five people and we managed to get all eighty five of us and the chickens onto the bus and finally I made it out to the school 's house and her dad was thrilled because he had begun to give up hope that she was going to get married and along came this guy your income chicken bus and all to his home so a great excitement he gave us the keys to his pickup truck and he told us to go and watch a movie so any put a mattress in the back so I was like wow you really trust me and he says exciting to be a pastor right now while I trust you and he handed me the keys to the contract and we headed out and we went to a drive and now I know all we should be going to movie and it was part of the problem that we go to discuss it we had a nap to this drive in return the pickup truck around with the mattress in the back feet and looking out we watch the movie and I forget what it was it was I think free Willy two was something and so there we are watching Michael Jackson is singing in the background and and and we watching this in the music 's playing than its dog cannot looking across at her and suddenly she looks like the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life I had gone on a chicken bus to go and see her and said I'm looking across another and as the music plays I I in that mode only all romantic atmosphere I look across and say where you go out with she looks back across class my hand and goes yes not what happened in that moment but it was as if suddenly the music stopped playing and depiction of the big frame cracked and I looked at her and out of nowhere my eyes it be before hand but now I'm I'm looking at her and I just don't have those same romantic feelings with in the space of nanoseconds those feelings and disappears and it's just putting a hand into mine I feel you know this strong from his daughter 's hand grasped my and I realize she was stronger than me and I'm looking across at her and realizing what am I doing here and so I couldn't could do was look at her and she ghosted you hear what I said I said yes I will go with you this is the happiest day of my entire life I like your drawing what have I done and so I just not long ago yes but that's wonderful we go home she says you required tonight I'm just thinking and the next day I get up and I realize I've made a terrible mistake now what would you've done well I know I just had to go through with the sign went up to her and I said look I'm sorry I made a big mistake out of is the music the movies I don't know what it was but a wee chance when you undo whatever it is he did last night and she says are you breaking up with me all know no not breaking up what I'm doing is DTR defining the relationship would like Fran's exploring the possibility but last night addressing God with you maybe this is not how I wanted to talk about it right now you see I I've got stuff the process I miss that and so I was dealing with that I realized I had a job with the J diet if you reach that situation don't raise your hands when you have done something supremely stupid in a relationship that was my experience I was thinking about it and I say what went wrong what was the problem here was that she wasn't the one that I had divine intervention she is not the one was that what went wrong was that the personality you know was that the problem here or was it just simply my immaturity see I can tell you this at a certain stage in my life happened to be my college years with the union strength it didn't matter who I would of Davis I would have actually broken up with anyone I would've dated you know why will they would've broken up with me why I was mature enough I didn't know what it really took to make love work and that's the problem when we come to dating is that it will not rated today's thing you will break out all you'll get married and just wish you were broken up and we've had people that we've engaged in premarital counseling they've even got here they got married but at the end of the day they told us we wish we'd never gotten married and so what is going wrong is that what makes marriages succeed not used to be said that what made marriages succeed was a lack of communication skills like really know the real problem here is you didn't start in the right way what I what I would you say was Anthony get this right what you're telling me is I I feel like what you share it with you is that really what makes a relationship breakup when you can share back with him I messages I even told Sarah not know what the real needs your risk people need to know how to express themselves with a high messages instead of you messages will that's not what causes marriages or relationships to succeed instead one fellow I had kind of a Loveland John Gottman and he would have couples come in unlike say for the weekend and he would tell the liquid up with some cameras on him not in the bedroom I could just elsewhere we do what you communication strategies and he studied them over here as any try to formulate was that some couples do well another couples don't do is when he traced which couples ended up breaking up and which couples into that succeeding and he suggested it was not the communication skills but the attitudes with which we approach communication so the real problem with breakups he suggests that is not that people can should I message is that they did not finish I messages even if you tell them there's an attitude that's going on yet so he suggested that within five minutes within ninety four percent he could determine if you were going to get divorced to stay married he can examine within the next five years if this relationship would make it for that would break and how to be determined that he said Agassi number one how to compensation stock the conversation started a very negative way and I just can't get it why you always doing this it is said is that a harsh start up he said then he talked about the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse this is not the book of Revelation this is the book on this communication and so he would say they would criticism in the this is not a citizen is this is distracted criticism this is not dealing with an issue this is when you criticizing the person you non- relationships like this they criticizing the person is and then it moves the content disrespect I can't believe that you do things like this and it leads to defensiveness it's not my fault the reason why does happen was because of this and it is stonewalling with opposing his walks away I don't want to talk about it they just shut it down I'm tired of talking about this right now anything you have these four horsemen of the apocalypse going on in the five minutes that he watches her conversation he says I can tell where this is headed and is is what really clinched it in all these lasting flooding with opposing this field all the wound by the amount of criticism that they did evil by the lack of love that they getting and they said in if they can stop an argument from getting out of control no most healthy couples when is an argument that begins to spiral they not a say timeout this is getting out of control I just need back oh funny to think through what I'm doing but unhealthy couples man they want to win that argument they don't take the knife will remain living jacket and put it to get my pointer to my points in the United States someone is crying than the other ones angry in this clear indication I need to get rid of the first five minutes and on story this relationship is going down the wrong way maybe you see relationships like this that and the amazingly some relationships hang in there like we got to make it work no matter what is a subtle signal maybe this is the whole story but it is a part of the story it is a part of the story but I think that there is more to it than this week we go to take a look at a biblical reason why Spike 's happen this fight sleep breakups so why do fights happen James chapter four this is one through three one of them tell us about the reason Wi-Fi tap was found in a great book I read recently number one bestseller on the New York Times of the Bible change of the folders as one through three what does it tell us you lost you don't have the desire of the things we do not have what's the problem here why is it that you are desiring things you don't have to get into a fight off incite conflict results from unfit expectations is what happens is you have an expectation that those other persons than to provide for me they can look after me the syllabus is that it do what I want and when they don't do what I want to get upset with them don't you know what would make me feel loved if you really loved me you would do this and that unmet expectation results in conflict so the real problem here is selfishness and a lot of the reason why breakups occurs because you get to selfish people together trying to get out of the other person what they would like it it leads to some illegal codependency and inhuman codependency before what is codependency codependency is when two people have made an idol out of the other person and so yet you get I put some with an empty love cap going to a person with an empty love cap and they get sucked into jet all this person will for me it would be such an incredible experience all I knew being with us this look even like the same blue that I like we must be meant to be together all they look the same music that you even get teary-eyed at the same point in the song God is what has to get that this person will put my need and then selfishness kicks in you know what they're doing everything I like them and why why do they sniff there are bits whatever the case I did and I can send you what about you but I didn't say him however he is a letter so in an you ever seen relationships like this and you have been and I don't raise your hand on this one are nice I guess I certainly have and I was codependent my problem was I was trying to get the other person to fill up my name that was inside of me because I had made that Nina God another fellow into the decided to study breakups I mean what a depressing topic but that's the nature of the seven office methods in Houston studied couples who were dating hundred and sixty eight of them in tracing from their wedding day through thirteen years of marriage now what he found was couples who begin marriage in romantic bliss danger signs watch out you are particularly divorced prawn because such intensity is too hard to maintain you know when you come in on cloud nine and makes me feel so incredible notice what I'm bringing objects this person is so wonderful I can't believe how I ever got by without that is a sense has made me feel like a million dollars what's the problem and focus on my feelings and that's impossible for any person to maintain the high praise God that I am more in love with my wife today than when we were dating a man but that doesn't mean that we can experience the same intensity of feelings you get this because the intensity of feelings about it you can maintain you know that your expectation of marriage they were down to wake up and roll over with my wife and took CM today that I talk a lot I am a liar Niger and is it your expectation the reality of life you want to be woken up that way you can be woken up with and him notes on him since that's often what happens in marriage is the Monday details but the beauty of marriage is that love is deeper than a feeling payment energy dependent on feeling the feelings will fight I will deal with that in a moment so you says it's the loss of love and affection not the margins of interpersonal issues that since couples journey toward divorce so why do couples get divorced according to Houston he says it's because they've stopped showing love and affection to one another and if you read Advent honks you quickly discovered that it had been hung she says the only affections need to be maintains they need to be continued because if you dogs then this will happen and we have reposted as we can see in a moment in particular Houston goes on there on the toothless is a key nineties looking at marriage could he started band inlaid courtship going into marriage but I believe this is true on dating relationships to the fullest two years the key that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high most relationships don't make it past two years trying back most relations on this campus struggles make it two months another car celebrated in July and some like really starts up and the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is hit its loss of initial levels on love and affection are key as when that relationship is going to end up in divorce because the sleeves to bickering and fighting and to the collapse of the union and the key finding from his study was that disillusionment leads to divorce now this is not a Christian studies I want to sit back and say what's going on behind she that led to the breakup what was going on behind the scenes why was there a loss of love and affection you can respond I was a loss of love and respect Christ is not enshrined in their life so you can be lobbying for a brief period of time and another person will get back letting you and you can feel great that you can maintain that at least you got a solo software hassles of letter to feed you so what goes on is this is like my brother when I was try to figure out dating he was a little older than me four years older than me so she was in a relationship and he said to me I am in love and I said how do you know this is because I would throw myself under a train for this one I said wow that must be love I mean sacrificially than what the Bible says into excited or broken up I went with all of the about throwing yourself under the train is set out by my brother was a Christian he was like let you know stop bringing up old news I have a new woman now she's the one I would throw myself under the train for and you can feel like throwing itself under the train for that person but there has to be something more and what leads to the loss of love and affection is because you are selfish and you want that person to civilian needs so as long as they make you feel good you throw yourself under the train for them but as soon as the feeling fades you want to do it see true love is a principle rather than just the feeling of something that grows and is based on knowledge and if you follow the right process you want have disillusionment you want to have a breakup or divorce so yes the dating trap I know this is little hard to see on the screen but the debt trap is I have it seems to love so I tend to get that the celeb men and intimacy and then as I become more intimate with that person I and you make commitments to that person and only then do I should figure out what that glistens like I is now I thought maybe I was unique maybe I was the only done one who followed this up and looked around I began to see other people doing it and like I happen to see a section off would seem to me to be a really dumb miniseries of the Cold War Quince and I look that bad and the little bit that I stole it was exactly like this and I was like but by the way please gone watch that thing it is used totally a message from the dark side against the message the messages you can commit yourself before you had you know the other person and somehow even though it will be awkward it'll work out okay now I do suggest to you that this is a track so if you want to win a news do this approach she has what it would look like first of all for an insecure relationship where introducing you to a new class insecure relationships one oh one four insecure relationship the first thing you need to do is flirts floating is wonderful and it is not a flip product Mac OS X raise eyebrows and I and you ask cool than I I I saw one notice once that's it sometimes teenagers are so busy being cool their nature being frozen solid out of the way that you flirt and the whole purpose of flirting is to enhance the excitement of romantic feelings I think he likes I think she likes and then that's to create what we call that angle 's Senate singles on those electrical impulses that seem to go through your body like a son I have noticed that you have those things going on and she's thinking not just one guy that five guys who like to talk to me and I have a way of talking to me it is so cool so this is the kind of thing that's going on including certainly you end up choosing based on attractiveness C Chris scanned the crowd and maybe only guys do this again but I think of how to do it to guys like have a scale neighborhood than what seven five eight and the whole point of the scale is to see all high you can get on the scale before you lose out in a casino to hide the rejection and argued over nine in your five she's probably got to go visit but you never not right since surgery you had this idea reminded this attractiveness get I need over the highest you can get but is external beauty what really counts online wife and daughter were having a discussion and my daughter was like I'm not sure you know if I'm if I'm as beautiful as so-and-so and in the you know they were having this discussion and so my wife responded back and said what led up that he pretty is something that you know you just given by both by nature that beautiful is something you give the walls seat in Sunol is so much more important than external things you come is so great now then I'll can account as much later on the jocks in high school you know the guys who was so cool in high school they didn't even have jobs some of them right now and the people he married and have miserable lives not all of them but I'm just and a lot of them I knew those guys who was so cool and so attracted back then you know those woman wish that never married and the wives who are not the cool not be attractive once the base solids inside suddenly they seemed really attractive later on in life why because they have an internal beauty that outshines that external so if you wanted insecure relationships based on attractiveness and the problem with this is how if you've been attracted to the wrong person down raise your hand but I be attracted to Broncos I remember we were going to win in I was already a pastor but I gone through a breakup and I was on the rebound and so while I was on the rebound one of my students was getting married and so at the wedding was this other girl and I was a young pastor so there wasn't a big age difference but it was one of her bridesmaids and this goal I just found incredibly attractive I don't know if it was the red hair or what but I thought a hanging out with I started slitting I started basing my attention on the attractiveness and then she slipped her hand in mine and somehow that short-circuited my brain and my brain shut down and I was his lack of following her around and then when Jesus College talking on praise the Lord that woman did you did focusing you find out things so I'm like okay you want to focus on holding ahead energy source told you about seven unlike I wait a minute and my brain started is as is is like that she is nothing like me she has a totally different way of relating to the entire world she was totally feeling based in all and so she was like you I like to do this when I speak in tongues of soul also at times and don't get the right idea and so I was like why and what is this woman light and she's telling me about her life and she's she doesn't she's not even in the administration thought she was among one hundred Adventist pastor like I'm holding the hands of the potential pagan then the thought came to my mind maybe I can convert attempt will follow evangelical dictating and then I'm like and it unfortunately might my mind kind of came up a little but out of the fog a little further like what are you doing an site is currently in a handout and I said maybe we're going to fast and she's like but it's so perfect as like that's another language not like me and you and so again we had the awkward breakup was I doing the right thing by basing on attractiveness null you will get attracted to all kinds of people who are not good for you this way to get involved in an insecure relationship is to initiate the relationship quickly I'm given enough examples so he can move on it's like that's eleven for site but what are they thinking he's got a common bring me flowers every day and declare his undying love and he's thinking she's got to bring me food of any watch TV every day and take care of my needs and I'll be the king of the hollow because they don't understand what each other was looking for men the conflict is the result of unmet expectations so initiate the relationship quickly isolate yourself is this is great because you just been one or one time along and you got to get more and more intense as you get more more intense you can get more more physically involved and progress as fast as you feel comfortable lips to see holding hands this is good case that we were getting somewhere now thanks for going as fast as you can go and then ignore the danger signs in all these little things like came up in my situation since I need a signal in my guide on you worry about bad I wanted to go with my feelings as if it feels good do it now just follow your hearts but what's the problem with that philosophy the heart is deceitful to your following God God doesn't know what it's doing I mean some guys they just have to see a skirts I like you got a dog yoga running after you retire we only goes past and ignore the danger signs and they make the other person your first priority to the Minton Idol everything has to be about that person so the first breakup occurred at many now I don't know I is defending of a divorce but they suddenly had a tense moment which laid to all whole bunch of breakup slid to the breakup of the family said what when wrong with Adam many what we knows that things ease trusted to his senses she trusted your feelings you know what it looks harmless it seems harmless it feels Hamas undiscovered trust my gut intuition that's dangerous she trusted to that and then she try to get a husband to get involved in this whole deceptive gang and she manipulated and persuaded him to go along with this night under the real honest in my own life I've engaged in Eve 's sin I've done something outside of God 's will I've trusted to my feelings and I try to I haven't listened to go along with some background I was on the same ground that he was standing on and it was going to lead to a breakup and if you are looking to get happiness out of this relationship and to do whatever it takes to make you happy they're in for a surprise researchers tracked more than twenty four thousand people from nineteen eighty four to nineteen ninety five asking participants every year to rate the overall life satisfaction from zero totally unhappy to ten totally happy and the average was from marriage was small one tends all one point on the scale out of what chance of you took it out of a hundred it'd be one percent so they concluded people who get married and stay married almost satisfied than average long before the marriage hesitant so what we find is in a relationship if you are looking for happiness marriage is not to make it happen and so you can find happiness by getting married and it is a desperate desire for people these days to find the pots and to get married and it's wrong so was seducing is if you want a happy marriage you first have to have a holy marriage of my wife is giving more details on that little while but if you want a happy marriage you've got to begin with a different kind of process in the dating draft you have the slowest of the switch on how to satisfy so with suggesting pulled back and foot to satisfy you of those outside of the relationship people who are not needy are able to truly love people who are needy are always going to demand the other person 's attention you're letting me write you not giving enough why can't you do that selflessly after lunch a minister to other people 's needs by having God minister to our needs first so when I sit tuition is in a relationship with the saner relationship summary comes up to me that Senator has been a wife and there have been a marital difficulty once a dating couple and that say the woman says he never gives me any time he's always working that's his focus while that's an issue to deal with budget is one of the things that we might say back to her how can God use the situation to make you more like Jesus C doesn't matter what he does the question is how can God use this continuing to be more like Jesus and if you follow that it doesn't matter what the other person does everything can result in your character development what the negative is if you're always expecting the other person to make you feel good they will never succeed breakups occur because we can never satisfy another person 's first enough so satisfying of those then build knowledge of the other person and as you build knowledge growing commitment and the growing intimacy if you do it the other way around you can end up in trouble so what comes first knowledge then commitment then intimacy these three follow so their majority is characterized by the inability to waste when people say I just can't wait I've got to get into this relationship its initial deployment of the marshmallow experiments you know where they gave a marshmallow to kids and see if they would eat it right away with a good weight and so they were able to figure out if those kids were able to weigh that much better in life in school and everything else they had like a hundred and sixty points on the SAT scale better than a counterparts maturity is the ability to went if you're going to be together for the rest of your life anonymous doesn't matter why do people feel like they have to rush into Mary Rachel Corrie to relationships instead of taking the time and the more you do the homework OSU is hot ankle mistake that's just how it works I love Edmund O'Sullivan says make haste to them infected five the time you died tomorrow what if you do then you don't have and to look forward to you you got time but what if she goes for someone else really got situations based on influenced the reason why we got married because I got there first mobile quality blessed son and you will attract quality persons to take a look at the other person Amanda quality guy in the back to him now and the quality go I need to the back to make haste slowly so yes the other course week in office until relationships one oh one be genuine not flirtatious to trifle with hogs is a crime of no small magnitude in the side of a holy God I need some emotional preference for young ladies call out their affections and in going that way and forget all about the woods have spoken and their effect on your face attracts women interviewed the same woods and about to another the same intentions so what we need to do is we need to not trifle with people 's hearts but instead take this seriously other people did their affections and energies up what we say to them to be genuine fairness and healthy non- attraction based friendships love and how to relate to members of the opposite sex by having friends within Brazil this couple kinds of things woman on not like men they think differently they actively nonviral woman in Automator to stereotype but people differently how to relate one how not to be a jerk by relating to people of the ops of sex and have friendships outside of that instead of immersing yourself in just one friendship one of the greatest tragedies this is when a person has gone through their entire university life and I've only known one other person you all these people surrounding you high school and college but you spent all your time with one person and then you break now and July can look back eight years of my life I knew one person and then I broke up with me and us at any a water break up consumer houses they identical for three years and we broke up we broke up because she said I don't want to be an Adventist Christian anymore and I'm not sure that this relationship is healthy and I was so desperate because I didn't have other friends outside of that circle I said what you know what I'll leave ministry and I'll just be with you and will make it work she says why this relationship is unhealthy I said because you're my best friend 's I always rent warehouse for my dog she said that's a dumb reason is that I know most such a broke up with me at every day for months everyday when I got up I met I be in the bathtub and I be mentioning maybe if I just proposed it would be no can imagine myself in my mind going up the music playing in the background will you marry me and should go to this and it odd like come to a demagogue would still have an unhealthy relationship and sometimes the breakup 's a good thing but if you haven't developed relationships outside of this is not wise so I get to know each other in a wide variety of savings have other people around asked some questions and my wife's income of that so I will is this much time on this and stop worshiping thee and I don't want to a level take on Intuit's plans will be in perfect harmony with the spirit of God 's passion will be headstrong rash unreasonable defined double restraint and will make the object of its choice what an idol so let's stop worshiping the item is a credit card for money is money exits worshiping your idols stop making this person in the place of God then build within the network and progress briefly then he put those two together we decided when we were getting to know each other that make silly mistakes in the past and my wife and learn from her breakups she said if we're going to do this differently what about women pushed back a little and pushed back a little and so when I went to haiku when we were saying goodbye we've known each other for two weeks she said no you cannot think about it because right now you operating off of feelings cool woman and so she sent me away to Africa while I was going back to and I was six thousand miles away and I was corresponding with him and she and I wanted to ask around so I sent an e-mail the big question that was what you go out with me and she wrote back no what kind of woman is that I'd like so then I think the back but not so big question that's literally what I titled my e-mail in the not so big question was that since you're right but not ready to make a commitment so let's just commit ourselves to getting to know each other so we can know whether or not we should make this commitment I think she said yes and so I saw the dialogue and I wrote to him on my road to his spiritual mentor I spoke to a based randomized to give me the lowdown on who this woman is in a dead patient in which you see that depends which friends and I played there they told me stuff about ending she contacted people in my network of friends my spiritual mentors my parents when Christians has been gutted them and she started to find out what's he like tell me about and is allowed to know each other this book questions to ask really getting to know you are likely to be unfortunate is out of print but we got these questions and without asking some questions he wanted to know each other before we made a commitment and then as we got to the commitment and preceding prayerfully we put a covenant together cannot covenant talked about the rules and the boundaries that we would make so that we could effectively get to know each other and had things like this we covenant to seek God 's will at every step we are willing to challenge and forsake our personal preferences and opinions by examining them against his word his actions in his leading we promise to support and uphold each other's ministries we promise to be honest with each other telling the truth and that we refuse to play games with each other 's feelings won't engage in any form of manipulation well maybe that was a little ambitious we commit ourselves to openly that you always on manipulative you discover we commit ourselves to openly sharing within an atmosphere of trust love and respect and then we got down to it and we said we covenant we promise to express our love through to each other on in ways appropriate to the purity of a Christian relationship we therefore covenant to avoid noticing prolonged origins hugging and any caresses incompatible with Christian purity our relationship will seek to express genuine love and respect for God and each other while keeping our minds clear and consciences pure and then write within this research yes God should show us I find the rest believes that God is not leading us together he or she will be freed to share the reasons why in honesty and to terminate this relationship without guilt we plan for a potential breakup no one is if you do it God 's way is not as traumatic this will always be traumatic but those relationships were I got physically involved with far more traumatic then when I followed God 's standards of purity so it was recently not to do that and if we feel God 's not leaving us together that we will break up and so hung in a skip down to two this last one so I'm encouraging you if you are in a relationship now old you considering a relationship seek for God 's will as you move forward watch for any danger signs and then if you do it right you'll end up with a marriage that doesn't break up you wind up with success in a relationship that is as solid as a rock we you can grow deeper and deeper in love each day and that's what I believe I found with my beautiful bride our relationship grows stronger of the spy kids spy sickness this last week our relationship grows stronger because God is at the center that's pretty funny guy they want to thank you that when we think about breakups we think about a God who is able to step in and show what genuine love this not a feeling not you make me so happy the juicy truelove is learning to follow God 's well no matter what it costs what it takes and is willing to do what is best for the other person even if it leads to personal grief and pain so I help us to look at the lab through the eyes of the cross and to avoid unnecessary breakups we pray in Jesus name I will media with Rod audio nurse a website dedicated to spreading God 's word through reading sermon audio and much more he would like to know more about our universe the more certain and www. .com universal .org

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