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Logo of GYC 2014: At The Cross

4. I Want Out!

Michael Carducci


Michael Carducci

Co-Director, Coming Out Ministries



  • January 1, 2015
    3:00 PM
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are in this message was sent to you I seems than sequencing from Phoenix Arizona and other resources like this visit us online at www. USC led him to have how to thank you once again for the opportunity to come together into just talk about the incredible ways that you normally touched our lives B Davis healing and overcoming victory learning all when I sheer shock story about how about how not only how you raised them but as you followed him Lord into his sin and an degradation that Lord that you can leave them there and the Lord that you use your in for him you called him home Lord and as he responded Lord it's incredible to hear the awesome testimony of how you are able to not only save them but they understand them up Lord and to give a powerful story tell all of us so Lord for my friends may be struggling in the audience today and for what were about to share what we need your Holy Spirit because without it it's not to do any good so like touch our hearts and I pray father that sure that your spear will be magnified send the Angels Lord to dispel the darkness is in this room and more for those that are struggling in and paying Lord I pray that today you will begin the journey of reaching them and bring them out also and I thank you Lord in Jesus name amen him him I like Mike introduces the money result dare I know him very privileged to be here today if it hadn't been for God 's mercy of God 's grace I really don't know why would've been songs can kind of play my story how icon of thought into sexual sin and how God brought me out of that visible disclaimer on the news that they've they'll talk about our adult in nature is not my attempts to glorify sin is not my time to write about soon I just want you know the details of some of stuff that many young people are facing some struggles as although my early as fast as I want to cover owls born in on April eighteen nineteen ninety two two Adventist parents house dedicated church like most Adventist young people are in my just to give you a background my mother as you see on the left she is a nurse my father on the right is a pastor just a typical adamant this pastor nurse combination these are my siblings I have one brother was there with her now and also see my sister and this is a weasel like this one normal average Adventist childhood we spent a lot of our winters and addicts in New Hampshire and the snow is our summers in Florida very godly godly family house up to talk to some a little while ago and I'll say my mother is actual and most godly woman I know and so it was very very good upbringing I might I title this life D- one because this is one of the report this was a year before I would be interested for not for the first time I actually went over a friends house in the fifth grade work on a project and he just showed to me on his computer I actually know who I was asleep I never heard of not being even those that existed like most people when I first introduced to it very shocked I was very shocked he quickly closed accepting his mom I may come into the room and so from then on I had that image inside my brain on later on when also my computer computer was a very public place but one is on computer office on a generic website it was not our best website when I saw a picture of a woman in a bikini not never seen before while shop now just maybe ten years old at the time and that picture woman in a bikini is laugh she led me to pronounce the eye Ashley started telling her not to go my own I said our computers and very public place and so I have to try to find ways around it on the ten -year-olds on the other smart and so on I would pretend sometimes be tired when I knew my feelings about this market for me like that just to get another fix of the Bernard B that had been introduced to in the fifth grade and to get more of what I've seen also I found it very interesting that on Taylor said a friend introduced them to pornography is after I saw that picture like most kids want something new they want to share as I printed off the school with me and Anna had even know spreading the filth and the lies that have been introduced to me by some great also what not to home house watching it very very frequently I was reading erotic material I had first been exposed to the rock material not report a website with your website I think thousands of people visit every single day I think of something generic like AOL or Yahoo and had some article likely on a boom that was my introduction into the right material up until now I've only watched and I walked knocking on red erotic material but had not masturbated yet all I don't know I'm alive it was my godly upbringing by kind you have me something wrong icon understood that no such investigation should only be between a mother and a father like I said I had an example but the devil slowly slowly chip away at my foundation and so for the first time I was in eighth grade I was thirteen years old home I masturbated for the first time it will not give the nod of the was out you to a very suggestive on picture on a woman's Facebook and home I remember the Friday and I remember was a Friday is laid on at church I felt something I never felt before and the only way I can describe it is I felt the way Sampson must have felt after you cut his hair there is something that I always had that in no take this with me in this phentermine high school like sales the average highschooler had a group of friends that really connects I really can connect as much of as all like to just because I want to a non- Adventist high school and so the Sabbath was kind of like well septic and it was just something that always stopped me from doing what I want to all sexy very good at sports I only have so that's what I choose not to play personally for personal conviction reasons but on I was showing irreparable and my high school code through the second-best school in the state nuances victims of frequently made my friends across the college ball and my Michael Jaffe put in his office Monday he said you know Garrett if you can play on Friday nights starting spark on varsity I see causing a future may be something under but I knew my dynamic is faster there is no way on earth is the only play football Friday night and so that was kind of resentment I then start to hate the sound of the more our relationship with God was going to sign and I was getting deeper and deeper into sexual sin and so since the terrible terrible combination unlike many disgruntled Adventist youth I found myself at Adventist Academy only reason Evans University the only reason I went to analysis universities of the assessment also pastor so just kind of made sense financially my dad is undo from Andrews and theology my brother graduated from Andrews and so it was the family legacy thing I have way more freedom going another dorm kind of dislike to whatever I felt like doing but the sexual sin I had philosophers along it deftly came out when I saw the first time in relationship that she had with the young woman on campus Mary became close I want governments are going out where I were together we're in a holding hands on this for this Sabbath is that is very serious and and home so my freshman year we started getting a little physical nothing out and servicers at the time this letter you know him making out like petting and after that she expected something for me emotionally she was like okay select what are we and by this time I had sold the greater my mind mentally that I cannot even see one I just saw Google Chrome on summarizing on a mission trip to Tanzania in school the dystopic bag giveaway close and even walls and on a mission trip I spoke one of Roosevelt with a sticker that was the whole entire thing my wife so in the morning singing songs making schools and how nice was my hotel room rows of cars and this is the theme that control my life am I thought it was normal there are many other kids on campus are just like me I'll let you tame compared to many other people some my friends and so this was his counterculture minaret of the schools in a method five private institutions at all because there are many good friends that I had dinner as well our planting seeds seed so come to fruition later on in my life so that someone at commencement Tanzania I had been so steeped in sexual sin I had been doing so much because the habits upbringing and that desire for since Gordo pseudo- sexual purity always holding on to the fact that because I hadn't had sex I still have not really crossed the line and so that was something that was still holding onto him or had done so much I just experience a lot of things up to this point home ice the hunter had sex and so eventually the devil is able to convince me listen you been doing all these things even messing around including enhanced places your hands have no place being the leading women do this relate to knew that she would so go all the way and so that summer my parents they want the General conference in Atlanta I convinced them to let me stay home alone and then I invited a girl over my place and we had sex the first time but my parents were losing to Ted will send I was fornicating in the room home later on that summer I had had sexual relations with a think to her three other females and that my wife thinks the social sense actually doing what I had been studying for so long I'm beholding I had become changed change of pace after three years of being on Andrews University I transfer the Southern Adventist University of I studied opera leadership and I was a premed major I'll map them after I transferred to Southern Adventist University I had a chance to meet a lot of people that were on the same page I was at the time I was having to drinking all start smoking Tom Sartre fornicating Ashington the first two weeks of me being on the campus I found a sex partner and she would text me I'll text there and we just need where we agreed on on the culture sexually is very very explicit is not exactly what you would expect is very very underground on I know some people that go to Southern as a private single non- because it was very very polarized like there are people that you know you'd be playing guitar with mincing hands and then later on that night on another person 's house in your party and your clothing things that you expect to see on a separate campus on Sexton was very common you know you knew growing up the text these last pictures send you pictures and know how lucky Ray Shaw because I actually knew one female who she played the guitar for Vespers and my buddy came in my room is like that you won't believe who to send a picture of herself as the naked and he told a name which I will not name there's no way that there's no way got it from her and he showed me and so that was kind of eroding at my more collaborative network any good girls out there knows a good guy myself and so I was kind of making excuses like if these people are doing it that I can do it to on Southern Adventist University also help all you know who your child and you cannot sign out of the norm on weekends and so since I want the party on the weekends outdoor chapel just selected sign-on because the party and so after one of the most destructive years in my life I got kicked out of seven hundred is University told Mike to come back I think they told me to forget their address I was some arrested twice that semester I think discriminating freethinkers in my life and I knew that I would not want to go back home and so November two thousand eleven I joined the US military and the military on infantrymen am still in the military right now is not for Pope Louisiana and it's just that unless some images all-male siliceous I work in a locker room which is a strip club culture the strip of an army is the church every weekend to go there you return its high strength was into music that you like it's exactly churchmen people another an ounce so my first begin out of basic training at first you cannot envisage many probably a couple of my buddies and I we had a good idea an easement on containment so we got a hooker and that means the life of soliciting prostitution this every once in a while on my toilet church although a church of never coming back home about two years into a year and a half into the Army house of my friend 's house and moved his drinking rescue watching the Super Bowl and Athens was over his wife had a good idea that we need to play game in this game it's a momentous in the name of the purpose of the game is the convert spirits and I was not at this time I had been drinking for about like plastic seven hours how's that possible I do not know but we had been treated like the past seven hours and even in my knee really stay as it is no way on playing this game house was asleep on the couch I trust among accounts and had the weirdest thing in the world what does a demon watching and so I get up I thought back to my barracks and drunk and while saying that my best I was looking back at my life so that you are so right then and there I surrendered my life to Christ and I'm so had a lot of bad habits and I knew I would need a lot of rehab home God was able to rid me of alcohol tobacco but can only do that many drugs as we have drug test lot another swells a good name am even me of all the music and entertainment those fueling my lifestyle but the sexual sin issue was fourteen years in the making and that was the one that kind of soul into me the most in a close something that I had been expense to have such a young age but God led me into the experience of second Timothy two twenty two to flee youthful lusts he led me into the experience of first-rate instant thirteen two on that no temptation is great in that you can handle he led me to someone nineteen was not saying that he will on some Howley and women taking so according to your law he romances someone at eleven to junior high and his word in my heart that I will not sin against him and got has been restoring me since that day my late-night experiences with the devil are nothing in comparison with my early-morning expenses and him to imagine what it would take for somebody to come up here and share their dirty laundry with you all is not something thank you thank you Jean re- blessed by that is one thing for an old man like me have victory but for somebody twenty four years old to be celibate and have a overcoming victory through Jesus Christ that's something to celebrate is in it and if that gives me hope I can only imagine that it would give you hope to a man I like all of me just how your house I got hands for just a moment at the opportunity I attend me I shot through an e-mail asking for testimony they would be willing to share their experiences about coming at a sexual sin as a child I working on his testimony for about three months before July see this week and what was on credible as I was speaking with coming up ministries at the North Bronx Senate Baptist Church in Bronx New York just outside of Manhattan and so on so was over about four thirty and I decided what she needs anything in New York City right now my son heading into Manhattan scared to death and so as I'm writing on them cause I was on the pendulum lab testing is a lot riding on this bias also negative tax from Johnny says Mike Ryu New York I think that Yamamoto was heading into Manhattan he says I'm visiting my parents for Christmas they live in New York I'm heading into the city myself that something be is an amazing guy gave me the opportunity to meet job at night not only did we share an incredible meal this vegan restaurant that was not twenty third Street if you happen to be there sometime but what was on credit was that we had an opportunity to share what has been doing in our lives I got to actually spend the evening with them all walking around the city Rockefeller Center talking about all the history and how God was able to do some incredible things in our life is a real honor to be able to hear his story and to witness that power working through young person when I was twenty years old I want at a church culture because I didn't think that God wanted me and why couldn't I couldn't justify my my sexual thoughts and my feelings I could make them mix with my Christianity my Christian experience casino I walked out because I pray that God would make me straight I pray that God would take away my same-sex attraction and you know what effect this didn't happen even though I was addicted to masturbation and fantasy because pornography wasn't that available I walked at a church cult and I said if that's all you've got God on the Amani and I walked out into the gay lifestyle for over twenty years they have their arms open wide they were willing to take me and I do realize that the data and want me in the way that I wanted to be wanted I wanted to find out what it was like to have an intimate relationship with men it wasn't sexual life I was just really looking to offer my own masculinity I had gender dysphoria I thought that I was a girl living in a boy 's body sleek and imagine that Christmas and birthdays I was not talk attracting G.I. Joe's one of the parties and all of the fully closed and my sisters used again so again I didn't know how to fix it I asked how to change mean that didn't happen for my convenience is over twenty years and went into the gay lifestyle and they did nothing but use me and spit me out I didn't realize but the labels that we endure in church culture only half is what you get in gay culture because everybody's looking to identify you are you bisexual in a you a top or your bottom I need this are you that beauty impressive whatever and everyone was looking to put me in a place and after twenty years after being raped by my first boyfriend after being in and out sexually addicted relationship my second relationship which I became a sexual addict as well never faithful in the five relationships I was ever in gay culture nor did I ever witnessed a couple that was ever monogamous and after twenty years can you imagine the guards to want me back is filled in the file that I was thinking that I wanted that day still with her boyfriend in a sexual addiction but you know that since my ways and on your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts and he began this journey with me and eventually was willing to give up my boyfriend because what I'd experienced in Jesus Christ I couldn't live without and he told me in his work it was either him or my boyfriend and he came at a heavy price it cost me a lot it cost me my attraction to cost me my feelings and it was man Jesus Christ alone after my boyfriend broke up with me and as he help me as I cried bitter tears for months at a time I was beginning this journey with Jesus Christ as he filled in as he satisfied with something greater than any more than it ever given me before the sexual addiction started to fade away and as I gave them permission to work as only he can do it again he started getting attractive to the opposite sex imagine going through puberty twice in your forties that's right you are I is over many young people what we do is we have an opportunity now to go around the world we've been to Africa the euro weakened in Canada Alaska and all the way around the world Brazil and one one hundred percent of the time when I'm speaking into a little charter Academy a university or even in a village in Africa I find that people are struggling with pornography and masturbation and some of this one out is not right so I want to talk a little bit about what we struggle when I want to talk about some of the tools that help me along my journey one in three women are addicted to pornography that should be shocking seventy percent of all males between the ages of eighteen and thirty four are addicted to pornography sixty two percent of Christian pastors are addicted to promoting less energy wisely I have theology students coming up to me with this desperate look on their face so afraid they might be exposed to the summary might overhear the fact that they were confessing to me that they were struggling for pornography according to covenant eyes every second three thousand dollars is being spent on pornography that's eleven million dollars every hour every second twenty eight thousand people are viewing porn that's a hundred and two million dollars on-site million viewers every hour the survey of four hundred and eighty seven American males of college age indicate that the more pornography a man watches the more likely he was to use it during sense sex request particular pornographic sex act of his partner deliberately conjure images of porno pornography during sex to maintain arousal and have concerns over his own sexual performance and body image further higher pornography use was negatively associated with enjoying sexually intimate behaviors with a partner this did not come from home like this came from a local newspaper as a matter enemy tell you something that I found shocking did you know that to somebody who's never viewed pornography in Atlanta used on his Taylor's wife is an example when the human mind yesterday about twenty seven twenty eight you oh Reverend the pornography at all in his life when the first view of pornography is disgusting and vile to them however to a young mind it's been exposed to pornography at an early age and the aggregate amount lifetime is about eight years old when you're injured you're not eight years old being exposed to not just naked images I'm talking about hard-core pornography what happens is a sexy change the brain it actually adjust the development of the brain and what it does is it actually created a drying and addiction towards this thing is a what happened to me as my mother gave me my father 's Playboy magazines with my father mother divorced him imagine that probably saw that might have some issues and maybe this would help I can still remember those images at fifty four years old I can still remember the name of the centerfold was in those magazines pornography destroys a young brain much more than it does an adult brain child I forty five when I hated my life to the Lord and he gave me victory over pornography and masturbation then all of a sudden one day after several months I thought you know I can even have a dirty thought they got take away my memory and my history and I made a decision that day the drawing on pornography and masturbation get in my life only now I profess to be an administration after I tasted the liberty of being free for my son child that is is is those who are controlled by their passions cannot be followers of Christ they are too much devoted to the service of their master the originator of every evil to leave their corrupt habits and to choose a service of Christ Ecclesiastes twelve fourteen warns us that God will bring every work into judgment with every secret thing whether it be good whether the evil I have asked us to come up to me at passage retreats talking about how they're addicted to pornography for testimony line four page three forty nine says South is difficult to conquer human depravity in every form is not easily brought into subjection to the spirit of Christ I'll be impressed with the fact that unless this victory is gained through Christ there is no hope for them the victory can be gained for nothing is impossible with God by his assisting grace all evil temper all human depravity may be overcome every Christian mosques learn of Christ as I started to read a ministry of healing I started to read these passages I was not victorious over my citizen affect I thought that I had to be good before God would let me necessary to read a ministry of healing it said that that is the second uses the same two thousand years ago at the same Jesus today that once a human physically spiritually and mentally is not right selected equity age and a circle in the margin and FFS for homosexuality because you know what work I can't change room attracted to I can't change my addictions with you so you can so you know what I was an angry God I was frustrated and out of my frustration is that this is on you now you have to heal me because I can't do it and I'm tired of the struggle to cry to the Lord tempted soul for yourself helpless and unworthy upon Jesus and claim his very promise the Lord will hear he knows how strong are the inclinations of the natural heart and he will help in every time and temptation messages the young people page sixty seven anytime something like these down put them in your mind in your heart in your back pocket in your book put on the back of the toilet whatever it takes because the more you read these the more you realize that like Wayne said I can't rely on my feelings anymore but I can stand on the word of God is not right steps to Christ page thirty seven says do not wait to feel that you are made whole essay I believe it it is so not because I feel it because she has promised is not powerful even the power demons is under the control of our stated you believe it you believe it Matt working people is overruled for the desire of ages page three forty one a.m. very fine for you and forgive me if it's a little bit radical one day I haven't victory over my sin masturbation I stepped into the shower I'm completely surrounded by soap and shampoo and also be urging very strongly upon me to go ahead and given to my sin and just as I'm standing there and I'm telling you the temptation was strong as America was so strong I was trembling because I met this precipice how am I to get deliverance over this thing it just seems to have control over the I think that some of you might be able to understand my predicament and just in the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said wanted to claim the promise of Philippians two verse five and just then the only thing that you do in my frustration is that all right Lord I give you permission to take these thoughts and if you don't think he's likely to get into my sense and just then my next conscious thought was baseball in detail I hate baseball and what was so amazing is not required that I step out of the shower read the Bible for three hours is going to find a bath because he wants to give me victory over my sin is not right so these are collecting the promises like I started to do not that anybody ever told me to do that but I started to put more faith in his words and my feelings and as I started to do that he started working for me and very personal way I realize that he is a very personal savior for someone nine says that if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and causes from all unrighteousness I me break this down for you because I know that some of you even get it because many adults don't even get it but the only power that you happiness versus the very first word is if he'll just do your part that promises to do the rest is not right is that you are thankful did he say that you are faithful now that's right he is faithful and just and what that means is that if I call tonight if I called why is right about available to me so it's available to me they doesn't do me a license to do my same place as they might did you find yourself in a foreign state get back up and come to me because I can cleanse you and restore you from all unrighteousness is not right it's a really repentance is nothing more than relational restoration it's not just behavior modification because I might get the victory over masturbation and pornography but I can still go to hell is not right so what repentance means for me now is that they understand that Jesus is my savior and if he's my Savior he's provided everything that I needed and he's earned that my trust because when I came out of homosexuality I didn't even know how to trust a man who called himself my brother they didn't want me sexually that may sound a little service since extreme to you but that was really where I was averaging oh seven usage of Jesus Christ to earn back my trust because every time I fell into another illicit situation I will come back to Jesus and I say so wanting solid again you know everything about me and you know what sometimes I test the gun because I thought that like every other man if he would run to but you know what Jesus always said yes Michael I so want to get back up walk with me first John one nine is really nothing more than then recognizing your need not strong enough to battle the enemy never asked to do but he said if you'll just do the one thing he does admit when you're struggling with and submit to me I'll break its power and authority over you and tell you something that has to do with whether you're gay straight addicted to pornography addicted to sex in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're not combined in marriage returnees something he's a powerful God and he loves you but if you don't know that he loves you and why would I go and submit myself to somebody that on trust working closely not right wing employing church for a really long time and let me tell you God had to be very real to me in one of the things I have to learn in my struggle is I had to admit and submit what was going on and what to talk about adding to I want to share a story I want to share a little bit of a testimony from a man named vegan who was raped at a birthday party in fifth grade that's nine years old he was held down by several boys of this party and he was right because they had an magazine of pornography and they started imitating what was going on it because they didn't have a girl at the party Keegan was pretty faces of a used him but he talks about his victory over his bisexuality and knows also over the fact that he gotten into pornography and was a pot smoker and he has some incredible insights that I just can't say enough likely the same or less place I wish I was left to the decision of euros in its use was a unique about the world cuisine and go back to Jerusalem and Xavier Jesus Azeri within silly mistakes which Jesus and with freedom comes responsibility and I was responsible for making the skin and take me I was responsible for what was enough onto my hands I was responsible for what is to think up here is an essay for my mouth I had to say Lady Gaga shut up I was not born this way but I was born a son of the most high God I was for a revolutionist I was born a revivalist and I have to just allow myself to get away with the Lord and she's had in this thought comes to my mind this is a video pornographic image units into my mind and I started to think on this and play this thing in my mind McMillan Jesus Jesus I don't want this I don't want to think this way note and I would like to arrange a visa center in your mind and I was like having you that these are just change her mind it was like a lawyer it was speaking to me and teaching me through all diseases renew your mind since I renew my mind and I said I don't want to think about thought in the name of Jesus go and I thought of a fire truck as they were my guess is that I wasn't entertained the thought and so Romans twelve teases do not be conformed to the world him he transformed by the renewing of your mind city I love this far so you can prove the will of God that which is perfect and good and acceptable and still have the choice to say whom I can assert here my flesh and my desire to once again thinking of the spots looking around for maybe twenty minutes thirty however long it will take or immigrants she's Jesus MSA K one once you spend time with you you are one of the floor and I just think of a fire truck and then go to my Bible interview my Bible and so is out on how you use the word of God is to claim the promises of the word of God renewing your mind will learn how to do that what do that simple faith on his part and the Lord showed him collect scriptures about the fact that David God 's heart flips whenever we just think of him is not beautiful they got is not against us is for us so I want to talk about how Satan is a liar and Keegan does a really good job with this seller one hundred share with this easy-to-use sales CCU Messiah versus UCLA she did something wrong and that Jesus was and please if you don't allow the enemy to steal you away for a day two days maybe we don't get in the condemnation were you feel like he's too far review message automatically go back to the throne of grace go back to the mercy seat is he Jesus I need you and I went and I need you to watch with your black teenagers of course the receiver in this situation but also the nineteen rule and reign over me so then I think the Sox anymore there's a position where you are Jesus is no longer just your Savior please also your Lord in your chain where he's the one that cost the Sox were seized when they guide you in instruction she's the one that sin reigns over your life and so you have to step out of that that basis always be saying something to the place where I will always be submitted in you can do whatever you want but if you do myself I encourage that you know how the enemy three days for your not spending time with her father where you're not essentially one initially he wants to separate me from that sin separates you from God and if you're insane quickly get back to the presence of the Lord quickly clean up and there's a place of repentance of course there's that place since I don't want to be like that by changing and transforming that don't get down in the pit where he sat Verizon and he went away I set my life to destroy the works of darkness and here's a here's the truth about Satan he is a liar he's the father of all I see now that I'm sure you heard don't empower the liar please let a thing about Satan is saved and is worthless anyways you make you thought your worthless drive Satan has failed God and he wants you to feel like you felt God Satan is sick and he went you to be sick Satan is dying and he's always in fear and he wants you to be dying and always in fear and so when I you know what I like to encourage people is that when you feel like you failed God for you feelings are worthless for you feel what you have messed up really really bad that the enemy and the only power that the enemy has already given pseudoscience hour and a liar and so in a systemically acting on anything that saw this is what God says about me and whatever he says about you that is rather simple glance from your hard work that year his signing he's your father or when he says he wants to fighting unified and whatever may be existing passages of Scripture that is truth and allow the truth to say a free and set you free not only him into his heart is not powerful so what I've found is that when I would fall into my sexual sin again after being an administrator again after I experienced the victory already I started to take passage are starting to remember what Keegan said and even in my broken say because when I get into masturbation I'm still under the cloak of the enemy and he's the one that tells me that I'm not good enough anymore they got doesn't want me and so when I started to climb as I started to claim some of these verses I would submit myself even before to clean myself up I would come to God again and I was a Lord you see how broken I am you see that I love my San and I want to love what you love how they do hate when you hate ministry of healing page seventy one five says he is watching over you trembling child of God are you tempted she will deliver are you weak she will strengthen our you ignorant he will enlighten are you wounded he was ministry of healing goes on to say to me is in his invitation whatever your anxieties and trials spread out your case before the Lord your spirit will be brace for endurance the way will be open for you to this tangle yourself from embarrassment and difficulty the weaker and more helpless that you know yourself to be the stronger will you be common his strength is not beautiful the heavier your garden somewhere blessed the rest and casting them upon the burden bearer in these text started to help me it didn't mean I had instances assessed as a mastectomy more than five minutes to get into this mess was probably to take more than five minutes to get out is not right the crisis patient enough and what happened is Jesus died for my sins two thousand years ago that means that whatever is happening tonight tomorrow or next week or next year he's already paid the penalty the only problem is the only reason why I cannot have victory in my life the only reason I cannot have forgiveness of my sins is if I will not submit myself to his cleansing if I will not it meant that I need help I believe that the service that we did anyone that believes that same-sex attraction for that premarital sex is acceptable because what is that it enables us to think that they were still okay when we're in desperate need of the Savior is not right and here's the ultimate when we accept anything that the Bible condemns as soon and by the way the Bible does not say that homosexuals are an abomination he says that the act of homosexuality is this is some of my friends and I we still struggle with same-sex attraction that does not mean that sin temptation is not sin is not right so we'd understand the terminology just a little bit more what that means is that Jesus wants to give me the victory needs already paid the price if all just admit but according to his Word what he says is right right want to talk about like what determines the file but struggled with New Jersey thoughts and everything I understand the struggle that for me it's it's like you're the father I'm my daughter injured to be nasty phase babies don't even know they've put in there not these wonder about five months old you have a plate addicted to it and that's because they don't recognize it as defilement research of children has shown that he elected the one -year-old baby face in this experiment but I think a really gross ugly bug in its plastic but it looks really wielding brothers and I put it in a glass of milk the one -year-old looks at that and drinks the milk and exhibited it to your mold to your public today takes the bug out of the milk and drink the milk and advantage with three -year-old in the three -year-old looks at it and by virtue of cognitive development says to the milk itself is defiled by virtue of the insect it takes time to learn what defined Mason and seven babies you know nature -year-old and they make big grouping that we will not be led to another mobile and they run away from mommy and daddy and mommy that have to change the kid down in Houston to Dallas to repackage the kids him forty two times here on averaging changes today I counted him then the baby turns two and the baby still makes me nappies but now the baby has learned I'm not bad mom and dad are not mad I'm just human and mom and dad will help me if I submit my need to them Monday on the desk and another earnest year as a child approaches three it's hit or miss for a while teaching baby that while the file that comes with the human condition it's how you manage it that matters I realized my first tenderloin I even recognize things that defiled me but as I began to clue in as the spirit began to lament I felt convicted and afraid thinking that God was mad and I was bad I ran into all flight yet the chase me down and earn my trust proving to me that easily taken all of this into consideration like any parent would and then as I began to grow in my knowledge of him I learned that just because I've made a mess doesn't mean I can't approach the one who makes me clean in fact that's the only recourse I'm not happening again to teach me the better wife has it bubbles up don't let its line you and everybody else this is how you deal you admitted you submitted to the agent of cleansing it's greater than the power of defilement will write it on a type argument to manner radically in my living room on Tuesday evenings and we were reading ministry of healing let me tell you about the textbook to overcome anything but it's appetite sexual anything and as these men were starting to experience healing in my living room they were struggling with same-sex attraction they were struggling with pornography in their marriages and so one day we're talking and my friend he mentioned he said while on Sabbath I actually was going to check in I told my daughter not to let the dogs in to the garage it wasn't to be that cold but she did it anyway and what happened is the dogs got sick as well as adults had diarrhea and vomiting all over the grotto that's immensely you can imagine what kind of Vanessa made but because he was dressed and ready to go to church and went to church anyway him clean it up when he got home we got home he takes his closing went right to the top you can imagine what that looked like after sound the cement floor for hours the document auditing between boxes yet clean that out and move the boxes cleaning everything up and as he started to clean this up he thought to himself and he said you know something I really don't mind cleaning up after my daughter even I asked her not to let the dogs in and just in the Holy Spirit spoke to my friend and said you know John I don't mind cleaning up after you either in the point that I want to make is that like those little kids and try to clean up our own mess what happens is without only makes a bigger mess we're not capable of cleaning up our mess but Jesus is as a matter fact he's the only one that can clean up your mess is not right so whatever your struggling with he doesn't want to do it on your all if you cooperate with him with the way that he is led out you can have that victory to if you'll just admit your need and submit it to him self is difficult to conquer human depravity in every form is not easily brought into subjection to the spirit of Christ but also be impressed with the fact that unless this victory is gained through Christ there is no hope for them the victory can be gained for nothing is impossible with God by his assisting grace all evil temper all human depravity may be overcome and every Christian must learn of Christ messages to young people page sixty seven says crying to the Lord tempted selling test yourself helpless and unworthy upon Jesus and claim is very promise the Lord will hear he knows outside of the inclinations of the human heart and he will help in every time of temptation the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it it was one nine says that thou hast loved righteousness and hated iniquity one of the things I have to recognize as I had to learn to hate my sin as much as I love it as a matter fact one night as I was on my way to Bible study with my Bible on see I was driving this map was up in traffic I was very good at picking people up even trafficking imagine how low that is an island of his young guy who is gay complimented me on my car and that was it I looked at the gun and I said I want him more than I want you Lisa was being honest in what happened at effective unless you intervene ongoing for what happened as we were on this Jason I was falling in eventually a lot and I wasn't ready for permitting as you can imagine I went home I put on my Bible and I said Lord show me give me strength because I am so horny now I don't even know what I can do I lived within two miles of five-day course in my neighborhood I could have summary in my house in fifteen minutes if I got on the Internet that's how good I got in my sin and the only thing I could do as I said Lord at seven fifteen on a summer night in Orlando Florida the son of Philip until nine thirty has it on going to bed that's all I can do I gave them everything that I could do analysis to go to bed and I said if you don't take if you let me sleep all night I said I'll get up at midnight no delay again at two o'clock in the morning and get on the Internet in the Hudson become over is what I did as I did the only thing that I could do which was go to sleep at seven thirty then I went to sleep and when I woke up at six o'clock the next morning and got had delivered me he only asked that I give them what I could do I had to cooperate the demeanor to go to the gay bar in San Ostend in the bar looking at people and think that he's been a delivery that doesn't make sense as it but as long as I cooperated with them and the only thing I did it was noted that he bless the rest and I started to see how he could give me triumph over my temptation my mother smoked for over fifty years when she gave up smoking she said I feel like I must not lost my best friend I said mom said Huckabee Sarah your best friend with killing in Justin the Lord showed me said Mike your Sims killing you and is your best friend what we were talking about a little earlier with Taylor was saying about how we love our sin and yet we hate arson is not right and what I have to do is I have to be on I realized that I had to learn to hate my sin as much as I love them I went to my sin because sometimes it was the only comfort that I can find an Israeli company some of you can find to as a matter fact is but this is hatred of sin is vital to full salvation humanly speaking no man is safe until he is learned to hate as soon as deeply as he formally loved it he may resist sin he may even flee from it but as long as there is a lingering love the cinema I is not unsafe ground is not racial it goes on to say that I love that is vital so also his hatred of evil it may truly be said that our capacity for the love of the good is measured and balanced by a capacity for the hatred of people so what that is I have to learn that I am deceitful above all I was constantly learning to try to find ways to indulge my citizen affect I went to someone for counsel in a set like this like you have to you have to imagine that your skin is this piece that every time you indulge in masturbation that you're feeding this beast what happens is everything you stated that these gets fatter and happier and intensity Lord over your life is that you got us started finally start about what happens as many of us we feel guilty and so we don't indulge it is often maybe we only go once a week or maybe once a month and many governments only six months he said that until you determine that it must die you will never have victory over your sin he says you got a slit its throat you got stabbed in the heart got to stop it said if you want this thing out of your life you got a be determined that you got to work on this until God delivers you from and as Taylor and John talked about how it didn't come immediately at first but as they started to cheer when they got wanted to help him he gave them versus declining what was always had control over their lives eventually I started to be nothing more than enough to think it's one way one of the verses that help me to understand the process so much as she came from the book education page two ninety four and I hope that you listen to this because this is powerful I think it's a him why there is with the airing through all their perversity his love is not wrote his efforts to win and the Nazis without special arms he wakes him up and again and again be airing the rebellious and even the apostate because his heart is touched with the helplessness of a little child who's been subject to rough usage goes on to say that the Christ human suffering never reaches his ear in vain though all of us are precious in his sight it's the rough the soul and the stubborn disposition they draw most heavily on his sympathy and love because he traces from cause-and-effect the one who is most easily tempted and is most inclined air is a special object of his solicitude what that means is the way he deals with you is to be drastically different than when he given me and what happened to you you take into consideration and he said I'll take care of it and I'll see you through it if you're just give it to me right as so as I conclude today another friend of mine who actually went to a and addictions treatment counsel for his sexual addiction and over thirty men in a room in a dinner all week and talking about their stories and what they deliver all these men thirty men into the basement blindfolded they had amazed that up in the middle of the room with all these chairs look at it as a letter of thirty men into this middle of this maze located is with a blank they said your next goal is to get out of the maze find a way out of the maze located as a close in the maze of the chairs together there was no way out it doesn't seem only fair doesn't belong they did eventually you can raise your hand at any time in the constable and you could whisper in your question and if you asked the right question you could get out of the maze they didn't know that the doing that the chairs were put through a clause that there was a way out thirty men fighting their way trying to find a way out of the maze ten minutes goes by one guy gets out twenty minutes goes by three more guys get out that means is still over twenty people still in this maze some of the men were crying you are frustrating to find a way out of the maze and my funny raises hand and the concert came over and said to question and he said is a way that cancer we walked away and again my friend try to feel his way out of the maze of these men twenty some men now they broken down there hysterically crying because they can't find a way out of the maze and my friend raises up his handle more time in the Council comes over us as much a question we just had that's the answer to the question before if you're just asking he won't force you to upgrade Dragon when the freedom kicking and screaming but if you ask him I guarantee you he will help you we pray with me father thank you for this opportunity to share some of the tools you given to me and to other men and women more than it helps us to overcome this and analyze what have mercy on us as a church as a people overlord mostly as an individual some of the people here in this congregation in a circle Lord they had been abused or neglected have been abandoned Lorna can't even begin to imagine the stories I've heard the stories of my colleagues Wayne Danielle from Ron from from Taylor and also friends shot today but I can imagine some of it the darkness is some of the people in this room and come from the Lord show them who you are share within the love that you have to than it is a listen to our stories Lord I pray that you will begin the journey with them as well it doesn't mean it'll be perfect but Lord I praise you that you were the faithful one I praise you that you taken everything into consideration and you want to give us freedom but that freedom begin today for my printing for him was reported in Key West twenty fourteen Phoenix Arizona USC a supporting ministry of the Seventh-day Adventists and success by young and vital faith so when I download patches other resources like to visit us online at www. USC when the


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