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Logo of GYC 2007: Be

Improving Emotional Intelligence, Part 1

Allen Lloyd

Conference

Recorded

  • December 21, 2007
    9:30 AM
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him before we began let's have our hands and ask the Lord be with his father in heaven we thank you for the interest that you have in our emotions and our emotional intelligence and as we studied is great subject this morning we pray that your spirit will guide us in another title this presentation on outside of improving emotional intelligence is set free I and I've also title of something else clearing the channel for the spirit of God preparing for God to work in us mightily it turns out in order to be open completely open for the spirit of God you must a high degree of emotional intelligence and we'll talk about this I hear during the session to deal with minds is the greatest work ever committed demand says that great two-volume series mine character and personality and it's one of the reasons why I haven't rejected this works I can tell you particularly when you're dealing with the mentally ill is what I I deal with a frequently and layers of mental problems sometimes you you wish during those sessions to be able to see a heart attack or gastroesophageal reflux disease or something that is more concrete physical nature where we can try to correct it and fix it all right away I bought actually the rewards of this work are are beyond that and although sometimes more taxing for those euros are involved in it it still as I believe the greatest work ever committed the madness isn't just for those are like myself who are dealing with mental health issues but really it's for the common odd person who in the ordinary Christians to speak I to has joined God 's ranks you need to be able to know how to deal with the mines around you in order to be highly effective for him emotional intelligence I there've been a number of studies done in the last few years on EQ and emotional intelligence and it turns out it contributes more to successful and enjoyable living than IQ out studies on this is to denigrate IQ IQ is important actually did you know it's related to how long you live it's an independent analysis of longevity but not only longevity how long you'll be functional during your living time IQ is related to that it's also very much related to the job that you get out of college how many of you were in high school or college here today okay the majority of you and so is the job that you get out of college is very linearly related to your IQ however how far you advance in that job is not all related to your IQ and we had people misunderstand that particularly those are very bright and they get these good jobs and then they don't get promotions in the workplace and promotions are being handed out to those who have lesser IQs and they'll come to me and I'll explain that the people in their workplace don't have a high enough like you to recognize their IQ and a serving Passover but in reality their intelligence is being recognized but it's their emotional in fact even presidential leadership if you take a look at our forty plus presents that we passed in this nation many of them great individuals less than a handful Waltham had very high IQ all of them had above-average VQ 's however and sell their success was much more dependent upon your emotional intelligence in fact it's actually more that much more dependent upon their EQ how successful they are even during the presidency and so EQ is indeed important and since emotional intelligence is what we learn rather than inherited it can be improved upon IQ has three different variables to make it genetics are written very important variable if your parents have very high IQs there's a greater chance that you're going a high IQ but it's also dependent upon your development the surroundings and how you are being raised in and on top of that it's also dependent on even things that you're eating choices if you're making everyday choices etc. there are ways that we can improve the IQ as well but it's much more difficult to improve the IQ after age eighteen or twenty odd that it is the EQ however emotional intelligence can be improved upon in fact they can be improved upon throughout life okay here's the EQ test was going to take the first fifteen questions asked I think it may be the first sixteen and then we'll leave that the last four questions for the end of this hour session on the EQ access again and hopefully have a pen and a paper and you can number one through twenty there's going to be twenty multiple-choice questions here and this comes from a standardized EQ tests now in answering these first lines most of the time is going to be a B is going to be often see sometimes D rarely in EE almost never and we want you to be very honest with yourself these are questions about your so how you relate to certain situations people etc. and so be honest in regards if you really want to get an accurate easier you have to be honest number one I had when I have to face someone who is angry most of the time often sometimes rarely or almost never iPad have to face someone who is angry if it's most of the time I wonder when you recognize that that would be a and if you're facing angry people you know you have to face them etc. but you never panic that would be neat and then there's some in between number two when I have a major personal problem I cannot think about anything else when you have a major personal problem can't think about anything else most of the time often sometimes rarely almost never would be easy number three when people close to me experience a setback I can easily come up with ways to help them overcome their distress so this is someone who's close to you experience a significant setback I can easily come up with ways to help them overcome their distress most of the time often sometimes rarely almost never number four I feel uncomfortable when I am expected to console others I feel uncomfortable when I'm expected to console others most of the time often sometimes rarely almost never number five I am more at that site about now that's talking about most of the time often sometimes rarely or almost never it could include now as well process when I see someone I know I'm able to pick up on what he or she is feeling right away so this is someone you know in your able to pick up on what they're feeling right away most of the time often sometimes rarely or almost never a ready to go to the next set of the next set is still a thirty but it's going to be a little different a is strongly agree B is agree see here in the middle you somewhat agreeing somewhat disagree D you disagree and he used strongly disagree number seven some people make me feel bad about myself no matter what I do think other people in your life to come across you whether someone close to someone it's not close to you some people make me feel bad about myself no matter what I do if you strongly agree that would be in a be agree somewhat agree disagree C disagree the strongly disagree would be number eight I am skilled at reading people and skilled at reading people strongly agree agree somewhat agree disagree disagree or strongly disagree number nine it is better to remain neutral and detached towards a person until you really get to know it is better to remain neutral and detached towards a person until you really get to know him or her he strongly agree with that statement agree somewhat agree disagree disagree or strongly disagree number ten when I see something that I want I can hardly think of anything else until I obtain experience with someone in here today trying to obtain a meal ticket of reckless when I see something that I want I can hardly think of anything else until I obtain a strongly agree agree somewhat agree disagree disagree or strongly disagree number eleven when I've been humiliated I still feel ashamed or embarrassed weeks after the one I've been humiliated I still feel ashamed or embarrassed weeks after the incident strongly agree agree somewhat agree disagree disagree or strongly disagree number twelve people who are overtly emotional make me feel uncomfortable young people who are on overtly emotional they wear their emotions on their sleeves people who are more overtly emotional make me feel uncomfortable strongly agree agree somewhat agree disagree disagree or strongly disagree okay number thirteen and again this is a little different it's back to this one most of the time off and sometimes rarely are almost never number thirteen I say things that I later regret the honest I say things I later regret most of the time off and sometimes rarely or almost never number fourteen I run into obstacles that keep me from reaching my goal run into obstacles that keep me from reaching my goals a is most of the time we would be often sometimes rarely in you almost never number fifteen I overreact to minor overreact to minor problems most of the time often sometimes rarely are almost never and now number sixteen which statement or statements describe how you feel a when I am unhappy it is usually caused by things which are outside my control when I'm unhappy usually caused by things which are outside my control that's true for you that would be a B I can't be happier by avoiding life 's difficulties unpleasantness and responsibilities and by the way both of those might be true for use away if they're both through wider Soviets hoisted to choose from see the events in my pass on the cause of most of the problems I now have and thus their influence on me cannot be eradicated the events in my past the cause of most of Brahms I now have enough their influence on me cannot be eradicated now if a DRC is just one of those are true right that letter to if two out of those three are true for you what indeed if all of the above are true putting a and at none of them are through with an F and tell me quickly yet I overreact to minor problems most the time often sometimes rarely are almost never is number fifteen okay Mrs. number sixteen alas four will take later on towards the end of the sessions or not done with the EQ tests yet there are five components of emotional intelligence we didn't tell you these five components until after this portion of the test for obvious reasons the five components of emotional intelligence knowing our emotions is one of them to be a what I find hearing motion is an important aspect of emotional intelligence managing our emotions people with low EQ are managed by their emotions and so they react to their emotions and their continually managed by their emotions people with a high degree of emotional intelligence actually manage their own emotions recognizing emotions in others is the third aspect of emotional intelligence be able to recognize emotions in others for managing relationships with others our ability to form relationships this of course is plays into the presidential politics as I mentioned this is my presidents have higher than average EQ on their ability to manage relationships is higher than the average in the general public and then motivating ourselves to achieve our goal motivation is not IQ and EQ and this is why some people with very high IQs are not very successful in life they have a great writing but they're not motivated to utilize that way and thus they never reach anywhere close to their full potential because of their lack of EQ or lack of emotional intelligence now emotional intelligence is been shown in a number of studies to help even normal people sometimes we think of emotional intelligence and just being low in those who are having mental problems but emotional intelligence helps people think clear it helps them communicate more effectively so communication effective communication is part of emotional intelligence it fosters unity in group settings it reduces polarizing statements but the interesting thing about those last two actually all of these is that when the emotional intelligence yes hi all of this is accomplished without compromise or sacrificing a lot of individuals think the only way you can have unity in a group setting is to get to the lowest common denominator in the group input all these differences aside at the very superficial unity that very easily disturbed and a stressful situation will will totally discern that type of unity a unity that is based on a high amount of emotional intelligence it you will have less polarizing statements but all of this is accomplished without compromise or sacrificing the truth let's take a look on the influences on EQ these are again us a summary of a number of different talk control studies on the subject our genetic makeup that several in regards to our EQ or emotional intelligence our childhood experiences also have a role regards to eat you not just IQ EQ but in different ways our current level of emotional support if there is a high level of emotional support there is a tendency to have a higher EQ at least during that time and other physical conditions such as lack of sleep or nutrition are a list if you're lacking in Slate seventy two hour salmon slapping you have a stressful situation confront you that's not controlled by you your chance of exhibiting lack in emotional intelligence as a result of that situation goes up significantly simply due to lack of sleep poor nutrition it also has a significant role play on EQ I Terry Moreland who ran a number of the state prisons in California recognize the role of display and many individuals are having problems with the law simply because of their lack of EQ and so what he would do it is when the prisoners came into his prison he would have a dietitian talk to them about a diet that could improve their emotional intelligence now turned out I was a plan based on that had omega-3 etc. in many the prisoners thought it was punishment enough to be imprisoned but it was cruel and unusual punishment to be on a plant -based vegetarian diet and so they chose to be on the typical American diet in that prison but there were others that said Hammond president now this dietitian is telling me some studies that might help me why not life I'm going to be honest by why not do a woman presence of quite a few of them also chose that diet and became a study group it turns out the group that was on the plant -based diet they still have stressful situations on that side of the prison but the prisoners during those stressful situations would be control the vast majority of instances in fact many the prisoners would say you know if this type of situation happen on the outside I would've lost it and I would been tempted the last shout or even injure that person who did but here I was totally cute in control of the situation I get appropriate intervention I asked questions and a and a call way but I had control I wasn't in danger of losing my emotional control and they stated I think if I really like this on the outside I probably would've never ended up in here the difference that nutrition can play now this has been shown even in non- prisoners in and those who are not present prisoners we have studies when we talk about nutrition and mental performance that shows that when you're in an uncontrolled stressful situation and you're on a certain diet that again is emphasized by the plant -based vegetarian diet with a appropriate omega three etc. that diet will actually improve your serotonin levels and will also significantly improve your personal control under such situations and so nutrition does have a significant role to play in regards to EQ illness when you're all you have a is a threat to your EQ in a cam lowering the EQ for many these factors are less significant when compared to the it is important as all of these things are these studies show us the most important influence on EQ is this the major influence on EQ our emotions are largely controlled by our way beliefs our evaluation of events the way we think about problems and are silent self talk what about talking about that's talking about our thoughts our moment by moment thoughts have a vital role to play in regards to EQ yes yes this is this actually comes from some studies done by Doctor Bakken Doctor Alice is going to be in our upcoming book we have a book coming out in May of two thousand and eight called the lost art of thinking on the end of the subtitle is achieving peak mental performance but will have all of that that evidence and now this is a recent study notice March one two thousand and seven and notice who was Donna it was actually done on people in the United States Army Army researchers found that when they subjected a group of volunteers to choose sleepless nights a lack of shot I seem to hinder participants ability to make decisions in the face of the emotionally charged moral dilemmas are we going to have some emotionally charged moral dilemmas as people who believe the truth and the end time there are going to be some emotionally charged moral dilemmas and when they had two consecutive nights they their ability to make decisions in the face of this was gone down significantly some volunteers change their views of what was morally I will have to admit away for two days but notice this this was not universally for volunteers who at the beginning of the study scored high on a measure known as emotional intelligence did not waver on what they found so if you have a high degree of EQ even under significant stress sleepless night orally charged dilemmas you will still make rightness of and this is of course I know a lot of people had under misunderstandings in regards to how could rights and fallen humanity it would be dead with sleepless nights all sorts of morally charged dilemmas and still make the right decision is one reason he developed a very high degree of emotional intelligence and he did not waver even under the most stressful situations so this is why EQ is indeed especially important Ross who who believe the truth now there is a type of counseling improves EQ I and is a type of counseling on him I wasn't that I didn't enable what they will attend all of Doctor Parks presentations but I I did attend one of them and she talked about some of the traditional psychotherapy techniques this is the current textbook of scientific American medicine it's a quote from it scientific American medicine is a textbook it always stays up-to-date it's written by professors from Harvard and Stanford University this is under the section depression traditional forms of psychotherapy had never been shown to be superior taking a placebo in treating depression now as placebo help some people it appears to a belief in something can often help so just because someone has gone through traditional psychotherapy and seemingly improved does not mean that if the psychotherapy of improvement and why would any study in medicine if we really want to be sure that it's making a difference we have to do a prospective controlled study on and of course that the gold standard is a prospective randomized controlled study and when these traditional forms of psychotherapy and many of them have attractive elements from Freud Erikson Karl young etc. Rogers if you are not a counselor today most likely you would be receiving wrote Jerry and therapy are Carl Rogers has very much pervaded the big the clinical psychotherapy market and even his theories when put in the practice and eight and a study group had never been shown to be superior taking a placebo in treating depression however there is a type of therapy that is far better and it's been shown to improve emotional intelligence and improve a number of mental health problems it improves depression significantly improves phobias improves excessive compulsive disorder improve posttraumatic stress disorder anorexia bulimia and even addiction such as alcoholism if you're wanting to overcome an addiction the twelve step program has some of a lot of merit but when you combine the twelve step program such as news there in Alcoholics Anonymous etc. with cognitive behavioral therapy improves the likelihood of overcoming by four four and cognitive behavioral therapy centers in on getting rid of the fact that even the author of AA talked about when you become sober you have a high tendency for state convention you had before obviously that's what led you into it but as you become sober that statement think intensively to write back in the addiction again and the cognitive behavioral therapy gets rid of that and thus it's much more effective this is what studies are are showing in the cycle in the good prospective when were going prospective in the psychological world your feelings resolved in the messages you give yourself your feelings result from what messages you give yourself your thoughts have much more to do with how you feel than what is actually happening in your life and that's married there are many examples that are probably one of the most profound in Scripture Paul and Silas taken against their well totally unfair beaten thirty nine times with a cat of nine tails their backs in my open bloody extremely sore but then there laid out in your regular dirt floor interfere put up in stocks in there they are crying uncontrollably uncontrollably and president saying why us is out they were saying that happy looks on their faces and they were singing praises to go why is that their thoughts and much more to do with how they were feeling than what was actually happening that's how important it thoughts our knees were fantasy thoughts these were true and accurate thoughts and those thoughts had a significant impact on how they were feeling what we think does a fact who we are many people in this society even among the student population feel unfulfilled and when you ask him why they feel unfulfilled there may be reason such as this they're not smart enough their GPA isn't quite good enough and I think that that that's due to IQ they're not successful enough they're not attractive enough or talented enough to feel happy and fulfilled or if that's not the reason they'll say that their negative feelings are strictly due to others what others have said about them what others are doing to them how others have raised them and so others will get the blame for why they're not successful in yellow maybe elements of truth in these things bad things do happen in life beats up on most of us at times however all of these thoughts have the tendency to make us him him because we think the causes result from something beyond our control that there is a book written on cognitive behavioral therapy in the last couple years and I was the title of it manufacturing victims it talks about how traditional psychotherapy does that it explains to the individual why they are the way they are and turns them into a victim because they had things happen to them that change them that way that were beyond their control however cognitive behavioral therapy thoughts about this in contrast you can change the way you think about things you can change the way you are think about things and you can also change your basic values and beliefs and I can tell you this is a paradigm shift in the psychological world when I was in medical school I went to Christian medical school I'm proud of Loma Linda University and I had my psychiatric rotations I had to go in before I went out and did the psychiatric consults the consult of command the students would do the initial workup in the consultation before we went out there and we are allowed to do that we were sent down by the head psychiatrist there so that he could tell us how he wanted to consult on the order that things should be and what to ask etc. and he made a very straightforward point is that whatever you do in talking to these individuals do not tamper with their values and beliefs if you do so you'll be crossing an ethical boundary and you will make them worse this statement here came from Doctor bacchanal us to secular ones a psychiatrist the others a psychologist but to secular people from the agnostic standpoint just based on studies that are being done talking about you can change the way you think about things and you can also change your basic values and beliefs and here's her next statement and when you do you will often experience lasting changes in your mood and outlook in productivity so in other words unless we can change the beliefs values and the thoughts were not going to be able to permanently help the individual to get researchers documented negative thoughts which cause emotional turmoil nearly always contain gross distortion negative thoughts that cause emotional turmoil nearly always contain what gross distortions of thoughts on the surface appear valid that you will learn that they are irrational or just plain wrong and the twisted thinking is a major cause of suffering what's a major cause of suffering twisted thinking so what is it that makes your mood map ladders and this is where we go into the ABCs of cognitive behavioral therapy the A's the activating event risk it would be for a moment and go to the city which is the emotional consequence and by the way this is traditional psychotherapy traditional psychotherapy tells you that your emotional and and behavioral consequences whatever consequences come about our result of activating events primarily due to activating events in your life or maybe even so you are hoping would happen and didn't happen that can also be an activating event now Doctor Alice states that this is incorrect in fact he says agency thinking this is his term for crooked thinking believing that we have little or no ability to influence our feelings and events and situations directly cause our emotions and behavior is indeed crooked as a term in Scripture that utilize repeatedly that means that were crooked anyone know what that term is if I regard iniquity in my heart there is the term iniquity the Lord will watch not hear me now is not because the Lord doesn't want to hear the Lord loves the NES loves us unconditionally although we doesn't want us all the same as two different things he loves us all unconditionally but he doesn't love is all the same we wanted that if you want it's your more details about that yesterday I bought in some people in fact I was eating with someone in the dinner table saying this thing that the Lord doesn't love us all the same member Daniel was the one greatly beloved John the one that love he desires to lump us all the same by the way but laws often is that next lawlessness intimate love has to be a two-way street and one individual is saying if God doesn't love us all the same I think I think lesser about God because of that and what are you doing with my perception with God and my answer to that is if you know a man who's a very good man in every respect but he is chosen the Mary one woman does that mean that you think lesser of him because he married one woman it's only one woman that he says that closeness and intimacy to buy well now of course I didn't think less and less are in that regard but yet the Lord desires us to be his bride that's his desire and so there's a closeness intimate love that he has for Simon is a pitying love he has for others that are not going his way and so let's understand that that so that's good the free part of their presentation today I throw that in but this is talking about crooked thoughts now there's something that the Bible states God cannot get backgrounds in the third grade I was asked is there anything I cannot do my answer was no God can do everything the digital Bible states very clearly can't do everything count live Old Testament says that New Testament says that now he's a free moral agent he critically wanted to the truth about himself and him laughter we are willing to straighten out our thoughts and once through he won't be able to influence us this is what this exercise unless we are willing to strike my thoughts and what is true he cannot have the influence over so we still have the activating event some people have mistakenly stated that cognitive behavioral therapy or even stated that Doctor Natalie teaches the activating events don't matter no VA is still there we still go into those activating events but the activating event produces a belief in that emotional consequence and what cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't start going in all of these past events is like traditional psychotherapy does it goes in all of these events how you were raised and what happened here and what traumatic thing happen there etc. I am now trying to get you to deal with those days I somehow on and go back to those days etc. but cognitive behavioral therapy knowledge is the a but what can be changed most readily is the be the belief and that what changes as a result is the emotional and behavioral consequence while there are ten ways are ten Commandments in the Bible and their ten ways of distorted thinking and were going to cover in this session five boys of distorted thinking and imparts it will cover the next five ways of distorted thinking and all of these are are vitally important the first one is all or nothing thinking example of this is a actually a successful state legislature what legislates or in our area who was running for U.S. Congress low higher office he was part of the majority party he thought he was going to be successful he lost the election he comes into me as a patient says Doctor Natalie I lost the race for Congress I am a big zero and I could tell by the look on his face he believed what he was saying was after because he lost a race for Congress was given zero now because you fail a test does that mean your big zero because you get a divorce does that mean your big zero but that's where all or nothing thinking leads to I my friend doesn't agree with me on this issue so he's completely nonsupportive thatcher now but that's all her nothing thinking and yell in the in Bible times we have those who didn't succumb to this and we had those who did you remember Jacob and Esau Esau is a great hunter he doesn't have so good today this day was out there in the field all day and evening anything and have found his touch and he comes back pretty famished totally exhausted and worn out and smells his favorite Dick being caught out in the field and he so we can famished he says Jacob give this to me or else all what die Jacob says how bad the one any sauce as I wanted that Jacobs is all right about your birthright for any sauce as well finally it are many dying I won't get the birthright anyways so yes also the birthright all are nothing thinking and it turns out for those who analyze such situated in the situation in the network of Abraham in the past and on the Isaac he sold greater than the holdings of Donald Trump for a bold blunt now it turns out Jacob was interested in spiritual part of it he saw the physical part in the interesting thing about that stories in the end both they wanted when Isaac died they were both there together and Jacob gave all of the assets to be so and let him have all of the financial part of things the only thing Jacob turned out to be interested in was the spiritual part of that but yet you can see that all or nothing thinking like this and significant problems and even the temptation all or nothing thinking given by Jacob led a significant problem that is online that would've never happened has not been present distorted thought results of all or nothing thinking low self-worth ends up being one of the results procrastinators how do procrastinators get into this they'll say I can't get it all done now so why even start all or nothing thinking inability complete or even start projects installation of a problem frustration results from all or nothing thinking and pessimism is much more readily there in hand for the all or nothing thinker discouragement tends to come in and the ultimate all or nothing thinking is the suicidal thoughts yes okay that's a good point now let me let me just clarify some things in regards to this cognitive behavioral therapy talks about distorted thoughts are the does are the thoughts that I mentioned examples truly distorted yes now there is inappropriate all or nothing thinking not all all or nothing thinking is untruthful for instance just in the physical sense when a muscle fiber for those of human biology when a muscle fiber contracts in either contracts all or not at all now it's not just a muscle fiber contracting with your biceps are there how strong that bicep is depends on how many muscle fibers are recruited the contract same time and this is why over the course of time by training you can actually but as far as one muscle fiber is concerned either all or nothing I despise a neuron when a neuron fires either fires all the way or not at all and so there are definite all or nothing thinking and ultimately all are either going to be saved a lot and so there is the appropriate aspect that we need to discern is this appropriate all are nothing thinking or is it inappropriate and often we can through God 's grace of those thoughts that went through most of humanity has a problem with inappropriate all or nothing thinking their thinking or nothing thinking is not anywhere close to it and then those tenants same people have a tendency to disregard the true all or nothing thoughts second aspect is overgeneralization this is another and can be very distorted thought overgeneralization is holding a hypothesis is a fact rather than a hypothesis now example of this was a sweet mate of mine it's Andrews University I want to and restore my undergraduate in premed and our second year we had across our suite some other premed students work on studying together and one individual nice-looking young sophomore premed student at a actually had a high IQ was doing very well and we like them a lot but he was shot and he had his eye on a girl for about six months before he mustered up enough courage to ask her and finally he did so I guess that's maybe some of the difference between Andrews and and Southern Adventist University the site is level seems to be significantly higher in the northern Plains but there is an and and and really finally mustered up enough courage to ask her out and we thought he had a high likelihood of success any comes back to the dorm and shaking his head in his head is pounding walking real slow and I thought I wonder how things went and saw us a line what happen he says I destined to be lonely and miserable the rest of my life why did she say she said she had another event and can go and sell you conclude that I send anything I got to thinking about it he just thought half as much about me as I think about her she would change that event and all I will so I'm destined to be lonely and miserable the rest of my life will gladden overgeneralize in two ways the first lady and overgeneralized was because she turned him down once she was what always get it turned out that he know that to be true nobody certainly assume of the second overgeneralization he made was that one hundred percent of eligible women had identical taste to her and I see would be endlessly rejected the rest of his life now generalization overgeneralization is always a distorted thought generalize nation is part of IQ generalization is making appropriate generalizations but there is a tendency for those that have a high high IQs to actually overdo it and get the distorted aspects of thing simply because their use to our generalizing they generalize from too few instances for instance I they might have six or seven instances that hit them to do all the same thing and so they make this assumption and they over generalize soon was guilty of this Jeff was set into major depression do to his response to a couple of events in his life after the great pinnacle there at Mount caramel and wasn't just those activating events it was the belief that lenders emotional consequence and as I mentioned yesterday the Lord had put them on depression recovery program first he gave him food Angel 's hand and then improve Hayden he was put on an exercise program that he was told to get out of the cave in fact he wouldn't get out of the case of the Lord had to do some fireworks and get that man out of the cave and get that son out there and get the serotonin and finally after he then all that's on experience on Elijah the next thing he did for Elijah was cognitive behavioral therapy and he lied to the states I'm the only one that is not bowed the knee to the holding that hypothesis the fact generalizing from too few instances and you like to believe it so much he repeated it the more time to deal with any repeats it later on your PC people just go back to their distortion and not wanting to give it up you're actually pretty good company because they like to do the same thing finally the war got through to him though you are dead wrong there are how many seven thousand that have not been the knee today and that was part of his recovery Peter overgeneralized he thought the gospel was not to go to any Gentile significant overgeneralization in the Lord had to give a pretty dramatic dream to straighten out that cognitive distortion here understood the meaning of that dream clearly and he no longer had that distorted thought the rest of his life Paul had an overgeneralization in the opposite sense every Christian should be guilt talk about overgeneralizing and I to to the max and Paul also had to be straightened out people that overgeneralize repeatedly particular from too few instances are described here by the Pentagon white what it is eventually results in an obstinate man out what type of man obstinate will not be readily convinced of anything which has site cannot hate and it hears is on client opinions be made right or wrong he will make a search of the zodiac all the after site Walpole 's ideas is all sufficient cell has for so long been the ruling element the unfortunate man considers it a break you have a few things in mind of his own in this way is not followed he will raise objections on every occasion in small matters and enlarged he will hold to his words whether they are true or whether they are what entirely false of this practice often repeated rows and becomes character let's beware of over generalization the third cognitive distortion mental filter this is where a black ink gets put in a beaker of water it turns the entire beaker this black ink color and an example of this was in medical school we had an Asian bright medical student in our class and at the end of the final exam in gross anatomy histology neuroanatomy embryology is probably the toughest exam I've taken in a visit after my first semester freshman year medical school I came out a lighter than some of the students and there was a group of them I gathered around and this Asian girl was crying almost uncontrollably so I thought something happened to her physically I went over and find out what was going on and she started talking about the tests she could think of seventeen questions already genuine crack a book at seventeen questions that you gotten wrong and she knew that she thought seventeen already bitchy goodness answer that she had failed the test and she was talking about how she wasn't cut out to be a position she was being consoled by her fellow medical students they wouldn't she wouldn't be consult she went home and she told all sorry for an ascendant is no use me going back to medical school I failed they tried to talk about even if you fail this test maybe next year you can repeat it maybe we can rely a year but you still go back to see what biochemistry physiology is like and she's always wanted me of this and I'm not cut out for I can't do it may coerce her railing back there for the winter semester and with trembling hands she takes that tests and narratives minus seventeen eighty three percent this is by far the highest grade in the class A+ so all of the mental torture she played Oscar is not at all of the mental tortures sheeplike her family threatened during that terrible Christmas break that they had together was all due to this mental filter of going over those seventeen questions their mind just focusing in on either the exclusion of all else now you have a mental filter in the other sense as well mental filter in the other sense Samson he saw a beautiful woman of Felicity and he's talking about how great CS and her parents his parents tried to give him some cognitive behavioral therapy and to try to get him to analyze things from more comprehensive sampling particularly the spiritual standpoint and what if Samson do whatever you say get her for me for see what pleases me well the mental filter aspect on just the superficial personality and the beautiful creature that he had in front of him was enough to say this will outweigh all the rest I'm going to utilize that mental filter and act on whose outlines what a terrible mistake in just a few days I came about as a result of that mental filter Joseph was tempted elemental filter was testing of runners out when he was their governor and of course something that he had thought about for years in prison to live the words that I said to him how they treated him of being repeated and although he had total power over them and could have taken revenge when he identified himself they knew that that was coming but yet he said no you meant for evil God turns indigo and he would not utilize that mental filter and respond in that way Christ himself on the cross was tempted to utilize a mental filter with everything that was happening to and he said no father forgive them for they know not what they do when we get into mental filters we often get into pessimism pessimism is very common in the human race and here's another statement from the analyte is the duty of everyone to cultivate cheerfulness instead of brooding over sorrow and trouble may not only make themselves rented in this way but they sacrifice health and happiness to a wet type imagination a morbid imagination there are things in their surroundings are not agreeable is that true for all of us are there things in our surroundings are not agreeable yes there are things that are not agreeable on their countenance is where a continual round of more plainly than words it's restless discontent these deep pressing emotions are a great way injury to them healthwise for by hindering the process of digestion may interfere with nutrition while grief and anxiety cannot remedy a single evil grief and anxiety cannot remedy what a single evil they can do great harm to cheerfulness and hope while they write in the pathway of others are life unto those that find and help to all their flash before the cognitive distortion disqualifying positive now mental filters are thanks a lot particularly than the highest tendency is to take a look at the negative all I also showed it can be taking a look at positive and blown out of proportion number four you acknowledge the positive but you totally discounted I in so you're actually seeing it on the surface it seems to be more objective than in reality can be even more dangerous example of this to show you where can lead to this type of thinking this girl was in the behavioral medicine unit I was asked to consult on her for nutritional psychiatrist said Doctor Neville you handle her nutrition and I will handle her medications and told me a little bit about her condition and so I did we change some things nutritionally and her in the next couple of days the doctor was ready to dismiss or at least that's what she told me that he's coming in this afternoon is going to discharge me but she said you know what Doctor Natalie there is nobody in this world that cares a whip stitch about and I said that's not true I said I wouldn't be here if I didn't care for you I have a lot of other things I could do I care for you and furthermore I noticed the staff they like being in your room in fact they told me how much they've enjoyed being in your room and talking with you and cut up when you and she says those people .com this qualifying deposit because they're not part of the real world anyone is part of the real world cannot think of anything positive about well fortunately I did hear that evening before when I saw her family and some of her friends visiting and I said they came and visited you obviously they care something about you and she says those people .com why because they don't know the real me anyone who knows the real me recognizes I'm rotten to the core can't take anything positive about now in reality she had some elements of truth there because inside we all have some bad tendencies etc. yes he was disqualifying the positive column only saying those things downtown and I had the caller psychiatrist and tell him that I thought she needed this day for some cognitive behavioral therapy now one disqualifying the positive also dies is that affects motivation those that have motivation problem this is their cognitive distortion part one of their primary cognitive distortions other examples it sounds rewarding but I know there are so many struggle the comping those who try to win souls I will be absolutely over it even does all wedding seminar heard stories and think well I'm sure that happened again happen to them if I get involved in this I'm in the absolutely overwhelmed disqualifying deposits saw new David and David how are positives but he totally disqualify those positives and saw his wife because of this convent in stores and naval David was protecting his own flocks forget Naval wasn't there to protect here some ways of combating the fourth cognitive distortion Hannah Moore says obstacles are those frightful things you see when you do what take your eyes off your goal stay focused on the goal don't disqualify the positive Henry Ford says think you can think you can't either way you'll be right Thomas Fuller says he does not believe who does not live according he does not believe who does not live according to his belief and Frank says I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains Lee Salk says when it gets dark enough you can see the stars David Schwartz as we can turn setbacks and victories we can turn setbacks and what victories final lesson applying to move on them the back on the fee smile Abraham Lincoln says determined that the thing can and shall be done and then we shall find a way not disqualifying the positive having those goals particularly important truthful goals there will keep us from getting the spherical Rogers I have a lot of respect for Will Rogers argues the pilot is from Oklahoma the Oakland city airports named after him I am he he was very the dust bowl era when a lot of the Oklahomans migrated to California and he stated that when that happened the average IQ went up in both states you have done a little bit like you'd understand that I might he also said that is not what we don't know it hurts so much it's what we know for sure that just ain't so and this is what happens to those that have lack of emotional intelligence assume they know things for sure that just ain't so this is a study from Ohio State two hundred twenty four subjects that a fair degree of optimism and pessimism pessimism predicted anxiety perceived stress and physical disease optimism I think optimism predicted you would think the opposite but actually predicted nothing there can be a problem being too optimistic and that is when reality continues to set in however most Americans have a problem being too pessimistic the study 's authors said while the power of positive thinking is encouraged as a way to improve health and well-being this study shows it's more important to do what avoid the negative thinking dessert axiom goes like this optimism means expecting the best but confidence means knowing how to handle the words never make a move if you're merely optimistic you need to have that confidence to know how to handle the worse and when you have a high degree of EQ you will be able to handle the words of candle last four questions of the EQ tests quest number seventeen Allen is the girl in pink here what you think Allen is most likely thinking at the time this picture was taken born hopeful stressed terrifying shock cannot be determined on a revolver don't know now board would be a these goes all the way through agency so a B is helpful see you stress D is terrified he is shocked and cannot be determined or none of the above it's a big if it's either one of those put out in G 's don't know your member part of emotional intelligence recognizing emotions in other now the Stacy Stacy is the line right there in the front what he thinks she's most likely thinking at the time this picture was taken disgusted excited sad happy neutral County chairman of the above or don't know disgusted excited sad happy neutral cannot be determined none of the above four don't know she's the one with the hand raised there in the front of it will go back to the choices on Alan this is Alan here and thank cheese board hopefuls stressed terrifying shock can be terminally above or don't know Stacy is the one with her hand raised she's disgusted excited sad happy neutral cannot be determined on the above or don't know all the way a through G okay will keep going Steve Steve is the one right behind the one with her hand raise with that I know what you would describe it but I'll let you describe the look on his face when he think Steve is most likely thinking at the time this picture was taken neutral sad news curious joyful County chairman of the above or don't know question number twenty imagine that outline is returning from a visit with her boyfriend was unexpectedly broken up with her this is the one thing she's returning out to visit with her boyfriend was I spectrally broken up with her knowingness and seeing her expression she most likely fields in which one of the following emotions sad curious neutral relieved suspicious cannot be determined on the above or don't know for now you can follow more information with that information seeing the expression which one of those is she all the way from a 3G now turns out in this standardize emotional intelligence test the best score for those last four questions would've been asked if you put an Athlon nose you get more points if you put a I'm sorry not an F it was a GG you get four points after you get three points if you put an E you get two points if you put it D you get one point on those last four questions in the reason why you put those other things there you were engaged in mind reading migrating is a cognitive distortion wearing Jason mine reading when we say I know what you're thinking you're only saying that because don't hand me that you know what I mean you would never do that unless I just know they are talking about me right now if he really cared he wouldn't do that studies a child has been some well done studies on migrating is only a one and fourteen and shall be right with strangers or those you don't know what a one in four chance I was actually at a dinner last night where one of the seminar speakers was engaged in the practice of migrating and someone he didn't know next and him actually going to get a good job he was getting the one for chance there that was there when he could've equally made some significant mistakes that is also mentioned on women and men who do you think doesn't matter regards the migrating it turns out they are equal in their ability to read the minds of others that you know someone very well for instance a spouse and I want a relationship with them for years it turns out he only knew right or out of five so anyways as in up to eighty percent but if you can assume that you know what someone else is thinking of you know very well and you definitely think that you know that and it happens to be that while I can't you can be wrong you're going to significantly adverse effect that relationship Doctor Willie Max Professor of psychology derisive taxes and author the book everyday mind reading understanding what other people think and feel the good book to take a look at in regards to migrating now we need to understand this the Bible says who can read the heart Lord and says man look at on the outward appearance but the Lord look upon the heart there are times when we threw the spirit of God and through experience and particularly spirit of God we can take a good educated guess in regards to what someone is thinking and be able to respond in an appropriate way of anticipation but I can tell you without the Spirit of God influencing you and without a deep study of humanity often you're wrong we've had people who die suddenly in a hospital loving relationship with him the chaplain will come up and see this individual crying and sobbing and say you know all sorts of things in regards what they assume that's going on in them they find out that the individual the new have a close relationship with them at all but they were getting a twenty five hundred dollar retirement check every month because they were so why and now that they're gone they're notably delayed not getting twenty five hundred dollars a month and so there crying and sobbing because of that and not because I lost the individual in the hospital and so there is all sorts even assume some things that are often quite incorrect okay were about ready to close to tax I'd like to close with on this session and remember there are two we only discuss half of the cognitive distortions alas however it also very important but here's what the what Corinthians as casting down what imaginations and every high thing that exalt itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity how many thoughts every thought to the obedience of Christ the psalmist tells us those who are going to be most successful ultimately successful these are largely shall abide in thy tabernacle who shall dwell in thy holy hill what a desirable goal that is in and he answers either walk upright like an work of righteousness and notice the last phrase speaketh the truth where it is hard not to others the Commandment talks about telling each other the truth that's important as well but he's talking about those who are ultimately successful are going to think true and accurate thoughts they are speaking the absolute truth in their own hard in there okay when they don't know an answer and when they're not going to assume they're okay with that because they know there is someone who does know and they can have that association with them with him the spirit of God with power heads father in heaven we thank you for your interest in our emotional intelligence we thank you for how Christ had developed this high EQ and dust would not be swayed stresses came upon him and when he was even sleep deprived we thank you Lord for the mind that you created us with it has the capacity to continue to improve emotional intelligence throughout life we pray now that the spirit of truth that you've given us the comforter might incline each heart and may we open the door to your spirit of truth in our lives so that we might exhibit the success and we thank you Jesus and this media was used by audio burgers and hope media ministry Margie Weiss generation we would like to listen to more great music is presently working would like to learn more about you see the government NYC web .org and also find great with you on your verse got bored and have open video .com will

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