Michigan Camp Meeting 2022: Knowing the Time

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Divorce Care

Daryl Michael

01 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

You are about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2022 Michigan Conference Camp Meeting held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

We pray that the Lord will bless you as you listen.

That's 1 of the tools we're going to talk about in this leadership training.

And then the other tool is www.beforeyoudivorce.org.

So those are a couple of websites that are the 2 tools we're going to talk about leadership training wise.

And then the info that they're writing down just to have it is my name which is Darryl Michael D-A-R-Y-L Michael M-I-C-H-A-E-L and why that matters is that's my email.

And for divorce care, we do a group that is in person and at the same time on Google Meet.

Even if your local church isn't able or willing to become a sponsoring church or a host church for divorce care, you're welcome to participate by using that zip code and participants would register, the book gets sent to their home, and then they can participate via Google Meet no matter where they live.

So I just wanted to put that on there, that's why I put the zip code on there, which is 49712.

And then Chelsea Granger is the co-leader with me.

We're going to talk about leadership training here.

In case your church may be open to becoming a host church of divorce care.

We'll talk a little bit about what steps that would take.

And then the second tool for those that are listening over the online link, marriage crisis intervention tool that's called the before you divorce dot org and what that is is they're a little bit more dated created by the same parent company which is Church Initiative.

It's a non-denominational church who tries to equip Christian, excuse me, they're not a church, they're a non-denominational, a non-profit ministry that tries to equip churches to do things like divorce care, divorce care for kids, and grief share, so people who have lost a loved 1.

I would say though for grief share, be aware that you're talking about life and death, so it is an opportunity to be able to share our Adventist perspective.

That is coming from the non-denominational, different perspective on what happens when we die.

Their view is that immediately they would describe the soul as immediately going to heaven.

So I use that as a tool of, it could be that way, or it may be, and then I get to talk about our Adventist perspective, right?

And then it usually leads to a dialogue, well, how come you think that?

And then you get into great things, you know?

Don't you think if he had gone to heaven and been with God and come back, don't you think that would be in the Bible?

I think there's 1 example that supports the concept of no, there is a body and spirit make our soul and when we lose 1 of those, obviously as we understand, we're asleep.

We're waiting for immortality, we don't already have it.

So I use it as a wonderful tool to have an inroad to talk about that, where some people would make the decision, well, because they don't use that perspective, we're not going to ever do grief share.

For me there's so many good things within grief share I'd rather use it as a tool to talk about it.

To not dismiss the rest of what grief share offers.

But the other tool that we were just talking about is beforeyoudivorce.org.

There are now free materials online, 5 videos, and then a downloadable PDF workbook.

So it's all free because they haven't updated it.

It's about 15 years old-ish, I think, if I remember.

That's for couples who were not yet finalizing, the divorce isn't final yet, but there is an opportunity if at least 1 is willing to watch those videos, put the brakes on the process.

If they too agree to put the brakes on the divorce process, that's great until they'll watch these and then they come to a decision of, fork in the road, are we going to continue to pursue divorce or are we willing to pursue reconciliation?

So that's the goal of trying to help couples know more about what divorce would mean before you decide to go down that road.

They still may decide to go down that road, but at least it's more of an informed decision.

So let me just, this will be a little bit more interactive, we will watch some leadership training but can I just hear a little bit of what brings you to the room today, if you're willing to share?

And so, I do have the microphone, so you'll have to share it briefly and I'll have to repeat it so people can hear you.

Or maybe just nod, that might be a better way to do it.

Is it just because you have a heart to be able to walk with others?

You want to walk with others and see them helped in either 1 of those scenarios?

If you're willing to share, Have you experienced separation or divorce yourself?

It's not a prerequisite to lead these things in your church or see them happen, but it can be helpful if someone has a heart.

Right, this is a volunteer ministry for me, and here's why.

So you know a little bit about my background.

Second Corinthians 1, 3, and 4, and it's there in the version of the Bible.

May the God of all comfort who comforts you, may you be used now to comfort others in the same way that he comforted you.

In short, we're blessed to be a blessing.

And even our hardships we go through, if we're willing, God's going to use them.

And He's going to help you to help others.

He's going to bring about redemption in the midst of hope and heartache.

He's going to bring hope out of heartache, right?

And he can use us if we're willing, right?

Someone who struggled with alcohol, now their life is, and they're sober, sober living, if they're willing, they can walk with others to try to help them.

Someone struggles with shopping too often, and it's an addiction, and they overcome that, you can actually have the ability to walk with someone else that's struggling with the same way.

So you name it, you name the challenge, the hangup that we have, there's a way that God can use you to help others, right?

So that's the whole heart, 2 Corinthians 1, verses 3 and 4, Okay?

Okay, so what we'll do, I'll just probably spell out really quickly some of the specifics of what it would look like, and then we'll watch just some leader training videos just to get a sense of, okay, what could it be like, okay?

And then I can take some questions from you as well.

But in general, if you're like, okay, we would love to see a divorce care happen, The easiest way, again, would be to tell people to register at www.divorcecare.org, punch in their own zip code, now recognize whatever church nearby, it might be Baptist, it might be Presbyterian, it might be whatever else.

So there could be 1 in their local area, which would be great, but just realize it's not always going to be an Adventist church.

Here's a church that is an Adventist church, Boyne City Seventh-day Adventist Church, and the zip code is 49712.

We do it so that it's in person and Google Meet online at the same time.

We use microphones just like I'm doing now, and we have a webcam so people can see, et cetera, right?

In Google Meet, I present the video so they're seeing it in person and they're seeing it online at the exact same time.

I suppose with an internet delay, maybe there's a little delay, but in general it's at the same time.

So anyway, So the other things for an online crew my name my email Darrell Michael Darrell Michael at gmail.com Phone number 2316757570 Zip code 49712 at the divorce care website if you punch in 49712 all of the details of the next group are on there once you punch in that zip code.

So which is we start September, September it's Wednesday nights, September 7th from 6 30 to 8 and then runs basically through mid-December because you have Thanksgiving Eve that we don't meet and then there's a shoot there's a I'm sorry there's a surviving the holidays 1 night video which is really really helpful to help people navigate.

We do that in October, October 26, I think it is this year, to help people prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas and the holidays, right?

It's 13 weeks, divorce care is, but with those couple of things, it looks like it's 15 weeks.

We do it again basically early February through late April.

So a couple times a year, we run divorce care.

If your church ever wants to do this, We've just found summertime's tough.

You can do a group in the summer, but attendance has been more sporadic whenever I've done that in the past.

So I've landed more on the fall and in the spring, ending in April because May gets busy with school programming and if you have seniors, if someone has children that are seniors, you got open houses in May and June, etc.

It just seems to have been better to go that February through end of April.

02 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

So Almighty God, we are grateful for who You are.

So many hands and hearts and dreams and preparations that have gone into this week and so we're grateful that you're moving and your Holy Spirit is at work.

And so 1 of those places that's at work is those of us who are followers of you trying to walk with others through times in their lives where they need not only your help, but also the help of fellow human beings walking with them.

And so thank you for the opportunity we have today to be able to talk about what it looks like to see some of these things come to their church, and even just what some leadership training looks like and walking with others.

We love you, and give you the glory for this In the name of Jesus that everybody said.

So the first thing I'll say, if you are new today, welcome.

And Gail Mitchum from Family Ministries, she asked that you'll fill out Basically if you'd like to have emails on any of these topics, so I'm going to send that 1 around.

I'm also going to then in a little bit send around 1 I have personally just with some contact information for me to follow up with you more or less, thank you for coming and if you have any questions, that kind of thing, after the week.

So maybe how I'll do that is put it underneath the clipboard and then you can just work with both of those, okay?

You both did it yesterday, so it really would just be you 2, thank you.

So, I guess I'll start with, this is just a review, but for people that can't see it on the wall, who are listening later on, I have a banner that just has the divorce care www.divorcecare.org and that's for anyone going through separation or divorce.

That's where you can register, you can punch in your zip code to find out the closest group happening in your area.

I would also say, I want to highlight where I live, the Boyne City Seventh-day Adventist Church, we are doing it with zip code 49712, and we, Chelsea Granger is helping me, Daryl Michael, facilitate that group.

And why I highlight that is you can participate from anywhere you want because we do it in person and simultaneously via Google Meet using microphones and all of that so that people can participate from anywhere at the same time.

So my contact info, Darrell Michael is darylmichael at gmail.com and then the number 231-675-7570.

And then finally, there's a marriage crisis intervention tool.

So I'm really just focusing on leadership training wise, 2 tools.

Divorce care is 1 of those and then the other 1 is what's called choosing wisely before you divorce and that website is www.beforeudivorce.org so it's shorter instead of 13 videos for divorce care, it's 5 videos and then a downloadable PDF workbook for the before you divorce materials.

And that really is marriage crisis intervention tool.

Let's just say there's opportunity even if only 1 of the partners are willing to watch those videos it can be really helpful to just help the process.

Today what we're gonna do is, we're gonna get the chance to just kinda watch Steve Grissom, he's the founder of Divorce Care.

He's someone who, going way back, I don't remember if it's 25, 30 years that this organization has been in existence, but a long time.

But when he was going through divorce, he sought some sort of materials to help him, and he learned that there wasn't any.

And so God put it on his heart to start this whole concept of walking with others and after he went through divorce and you know God put it on his heart to actually leave his job and to begin this whole Christian nonprofit for the sake of church initiative for the sake of walking with others, divorce care, etc.

So I'm praising the Lord for that, because it was a lifeline for me, both when I was separated and then again when I was divorced.

What I'd love to do is just show you these are short leadership training videos.

They're 2012 because they're in DVD format.

The current updated materials, they're shorter videos, anywhere from 2 minutes to 5 minutes, and they're all online now.

So, that's something if your church would decide, and again for those that might be listening to just this session, if your church would decide to host divorce care, you would contact Church Initiative.

They have ministry coaches that walk you through it.

Okay, I wasn't sure if it was the same price.

And so you get the DVD set, you get a couple leader guides, you get 5 of the participant workbooks, and then all of the advantage of if anyone ever searches for divorce care or recovery or whatnot, It's the primary thing that comes up on your searches.

So, and all of the details for your group is on their website, and they have coaches at any time.

You or someone in your church wanted to be able to do it, then feel free to call.

Like, You'd have a ministry coach between probably 8 and 5 Eastern Standard Time kind of a thing.

But what I'd love to do is just give you a...

These aren't long videos, they're 10 minute, a 13 minute, and a 10 minute.

We'll watch 1, we'll discuss a little bit, and we'll probably even have time this week to watch 1 of the interests that you would have from the Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce just to get a taste, and then also divorce care.

I'll have it be 1 that the last hour seminar doesn't watch, so we'll have a time to watch 1 of the anger or fears and anxiety, family and friends, conflict, just to give you a sense of what do these materials look like, you know, and have a full on taste of that.

So first thing we'll do though is leadership training video number 01:10 minutes, and then we'll discuss after that, okay?

And I do want to highlight, super excited Sharon's here with us, and she went through divorce care, but then also has a heart, like y'all do, of her church doing this.

Go ahead, Sharon says, we're getting there.

But that's so important because you want your leadership team on board with this, as far as your church board, so that then they're praying about it, preparing for it, and then also there might be others that will join you on your leadership team to be able to help.

So, Boyne City right now, potential, Holland, Seventh-day Adventist churches, who knows in the future?

It could be more and more and more, Lord willing.

Right now it says that there's 1 but you're gonna see there's 3.

Okay we're gonna start with just again what is divorce care and I'll talk a little bit about that okay.

My goal is to get you ready to lead your divorce care group as quickly as possible.

We'll start by answering the question, what is divorce care?

Divorce care is a video-based support group program.

It's for people who are separated and those who have been through divorce.

If you are new to divorce ministry, you might wonder why we include separated people in the divorce care group.

First, most of them are facing the same kind of challenges experienced by already divorced people.

Topics like loneliness, anger, depression, and kid care are essential at any point in the marriage crisis.

The second reason is that the home care places a strong emphasis make sure that you let separated people know that they are more than a part of your group.

Your group will obviously also draw people who are already divorced.

Don't be surprised, however, how people who have been divorced for years show up at your group as well.

Did not fully heal from the breakup of their marriage.

They too will find health and healing through divorce care.

Next thing you need to know is how we structure the divorce care program.

Typically, your divorce care groups will meet weekly.

Each weekly divorce care session is comprised of 3 essential components.

04 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this day.

Thank you for these friends whose hearts are wanting to learn more about how to walk with others and to do that well when people are going through separation, divorce, or maybe even have marriages that are in crisis.

So Holy Spirit, lead us, guide us, help us to know how to do that.

You're the primary leader in all of this, and so we just want to follow your lead.

And thank you for Church initiative, these divorce care and choosing wisely before you divorce material, just being a tool to help people in their roads to recovery.

And we do pray first and foremost that if people don't know you through these interactions we have with them, that they can come to know you as Lord and Savior.

And if they do know you and they're discouraged, that they can be encouraged again.

Let's watch our final leader training video.

This is a 10-minuter, so not too long, and then we'll get another taste of an actual divorce care itself video.

For someone I know that's done it before, they felt like 5 and 10 might be more appropriate.

That the older kids maybe didn't connect.

For those that are coming in for the first time, there is a clipboard I'm gonna have you sign.

The first sheet is for Gail, Gail Mitchiff.

Just fill out that information if you want an email, and then the second sheet is for me.

Okay, while that's happening, I'll give you a chance again to watch an actual divorce care video, the current ones.

That leadership training DVD was from the Divorce Care 3.0, and the divorce care materials were updated this past year, or they released this past year, 2021.

So, and for those that are listening, gonna be listening to the audio, I'll just review real quick, and also if you're here for the first time, just kind of a quick, quick summary of what this is.

So Church Initiative is the parent company behind the 3 tools really, Divorce Care for Kids you heard, Divorce Care itself, as well as choosing wisely before you divorce.

And so divorce care itself is the website www.divorcecare.org and then you heard DC4K is www.dc4k.org and then this choosing wisely before you divorce.

It's a free tool online now because it's a bit dated about 25 years old I think but still helpful This is a tool for marriages that are in crisis, even if just 1 spouse is willing, watch these free videos at www.beforyoudivorce.org.

My name is Darrell Michael, and my email is darrellmichael at gmail.com.

And our group that we do in the Boyne City Seventh-day Adventist Church Our zip code is 49712 And why that matters is simultaneously we do it in person and we do it on Google Meets.

So even if a church in your area, you go to divorcecare.org, you punch in your zip code, and oh no, the nearest 1 to me is 2 hours away or an hour away.

Well, know that if you want, you could punch in our zip code and you could participate from anywhere.

And our group, I didn't write that up there, but our group begins The first Wednesday in September, which is September 7th, 6.30 to 8 o'clock p.m.

And I have a co-leader, a female co-leader, which is awesome.

She's a part of our Boyne City Seventh-day Adventist church as well.

And then the only other thing I'll read real quickly are the 13 videos for divorced care.

For the listening folks, Deep Hurt is number 1, Road to Recovery number 2, 3 is Anger, 4 is grief and depression.

7 is family and friends, referencing how those relationships can change during separation and divorce.

11, really is about reconciliation, but it's titled in the new materials, Your Former Spouse, and versions of reconciliation, by the way.

Not just reconciliation of a marriage, but maybe camp civility, potentially co-parenting if you have kids, and friendship, and then potentially marriage.

Single and parenting is number 12, and brighter days ahead, brighter days number 13.

Review for some, but full speed ahead for others of you.

So again, what we're in is, this course is, 315 is divorce care itself, but this 1 is leadership training for if you might have a heart for divorce care or some of these tools coming to your church, that your church leadership might be asked to consider having this be 1 of the Felton Needs Ministries in your church.

And when you ask a question, I'm going to actually bring you the microphone, just for the people that will listen.

So the kit itself, I believe it's $360 a one-time fee, if I'm remembering right.

And so what that includes is all of the 13 DVDs.

It includes 5 of the participant workbooks.

And it includes unlimited for the rest of your life.

We talked about these ministry coaches that you call Church Initiative or Divorce Care.

Again, 1 of the Church Initiative ministries.

At any time, they'll help you get set up.

Unlimited usage of their website, because when people search for divorce recovery or what not, divorce care is certainly 1 of the first things that comes up.

So It's just a really helpful tool that really allows a one-time fee though.

I don't know what the divorce care fee...

I don't know if they've updated that 1 recently.

Our church currently is not doing that, but you'd have to check with them to know what the price of that 1 would be.

And the company also does, just random thought here, but grief share for those who have lost a loved 1, it's another ministry that they do as well, 13 weeks as well.

The only thing I would say is with us as Adventists, we see what happens when we die a little bit differently.

So remember, this is a non-denominational trying to equip churches to walk with others through their pain.

And Certainly, divorce care is very, very fitting for Adventist churches.

I would personally even say though, grief share, the quality of that's worth it.

I like, even though grief share has materials in it that I don't agree with in parts of it, I love that it's a window to talk about, This might be how the video presents what happens when you die might be true, but it also might be, you know, talking about state of death and those kind of things.

So for me it's a good window in my opinion.

Otherwise, as you're thinking in case you do have any, I'm going to have you vote on which divorce care video.

Series

Divorce Care

01 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

Transcript

Parent Series

Parent Conference

Sponsor

Recorded

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Reasons to Believe

05 The Resurrection of Jesus Christ

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Principles for Succesful Soul Winning

Interpersonal Relationships - The Art of Hospitality Part 1

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Divorce Care

02 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

56m

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