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Advent HOPE Sabbath School

Phil Mills: Preparation for a Happy Marriage

Phil Mills

God’s Purpose in Marriage

Back when I started medical school, the first day I actually, the first Sabbath, I was in Loma Linda.

I wandered in and there was a junior class meeting in the foyer there.

And amazingly enough, they just asked me to teach.

So I was the junior teacher right there in the foyer for nearly a year.

The collegiate started up here, and they kind of drove us out.

So we met down there and then they asked me to teach up in the collegiate.

It was the same as it is now except it had a different carpet and it was all folding chairs which we set up.

And it was at that time, my second year of medical school, that at the very end, actually it would have been, yes, end of my second year, that I led out in a series of, right here on Friday night, on God's plan in Courtship and Marriage, a series of 4.

Christian's resources on spouse selection, cross.

And so this brings back a flood of memories, it's being in this room.

Oh, if somebody will flip, I'll flip these off, because I know just what to do here.

This is the leather cover of a book, just in case you're wondering.

1 of the highlights of young adulthood is courtship and marriage.

The majority of Americans hold marriage in high regard and those who are single aspire to marriage.

93% of all Americans hope to enter into a lasting and happy union with 1 person.

Over the last 3 decades, the majority of high schools, students, seniors, have consistently said that a good marriage and family life is extremely important to them.

Courtship seminars, courtship books, And internet sites have been a growth industry in the new millennia for the last 5 years.

And dating services have popped up all over.

Nevertheless, marriage rates continue to drop.

Unmarried births and cohabitation is increasing.

Now it's nothing new or secret about having a happy marriage.

It's all explained in the only book that contains time-tested, reliable instruction.

And Christian young people have often claimed during their courtship certain promises.

Promises like Psalm 37.4 that's on the screen.

Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

And they've claimed rather reluctantly, rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

But it's not only promises to claim that the Bible gives, It also has instruction to follow.

And that's what we want to look at this weekend.

The Bible you see opens in the second chapter with a marriage scene, Genesis 2.

And it closes in the next to the last chapter with another marriage scene.

Throughout the Bible there's a theme on courtship and marriage.

The joyful courtship of Isaac and Rebecca.

That encourages us with the happiness that a good marriage can bring.

The deceptions practiced on Jacob during his courtship, Warn us of deceptions that can be perpetrated during this vulnerable period.

And in the pages of the scriptures we learn of the challenges Jesus' stepfather faced during his courtship with Mary.

The creative courtship of the Benjamites seizing the dancing girls of Shiloh.

There are cautions with the disastrous alliances between Solomon and his 700 wives.

The marriage of Ahab and Jezebel and the sorrows of Hosea's experience.

Although all of the 10 Commandments are at least indirectly related to home and marriage and family, fully 50% are explicitly related to marriage and family issues.

God wants to give us the joy and spare us the sorrow of marriage.

How can we have a marriage that doesn't end the romance of courtship?

How can we have a life's partner that's a lifelong blessing?

It's a great responsibility to discuss this important topic with you, to take you on a journey to and through God's Word, since man is to live by every word contained in this precious book.

Our weekend theme is Christians' resources on spouse selection, cross.

In this noontime, we're going to look at God's purpose in marriage.

Tonight at 730, we move from here to Burden Hall And we'll look at God's ideal in courtship.

What are the ingredients for a courtship that result in a world-impacting, life-changing marriage?

How can we be certain that we are following God's guidance during courtship relationships?

Again at Burden Hall, I have changed the topic from the advertised 1 to share some research that I've just finished this week.

I believe it may prove to be 1 of the most important lectures on this topic that I have ever given.

The Bible gives a way to predict the future.

If King Saul would have understood this, he would not have gone to the witch of Endor.

If our generation understood this, they wouldn't bother with the horoscope pages in the newspaper.

This information is so powerful that Satan himself uses it to predict the future.

The Bible gives us 2 ways we can predict our future and we can use it to determine if we're going to have a happy marriage.

So that's what I want to share tomorrow Lord willing.

Then tomorrow afternoon we're going to look at key questions for courtship at 3 p.m.

A year and a half ago, I gave a series on dating and marriage right here.

Actually, it was in Burden Hall at that time.

And those lectures are available on the internet, Advent Hope.

You all will know where to get it, I don't know.

It's also contained in the workbook syllabus.

I prepared many of the quotations from the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy.

And the Loma Linda University Student Association is providing a free copy of this workbook syllabus for those who attend the final lecture.

This syllabus contains some very important information on timing of marriage, counseling with others regarding our dating plans.

And none of the lectures that I gave, the 4 lectures that I gave last year, am I repeating here.

But before we look at God's Word, let's bow our heads.

Father in heaven, we need the Holy Spirit here to guide us in our study, to protect us from the dangers of our preconceived notions, to open our hearts to truths that can save us from lasting sorrow and give us eternal happiness.

I pray that you'll guide my lips, and guide the ears and the thoughts, as all of us turn our attention To what you'd have us understand about your purpose in marriage, in Christ's name, amen.

Some people view marriage as a chemistry reaction.

Molecules randomly bounce around and by chance determined by statistical probability join together.

The old, old-a-song croons, if the 1 you love ain't with you, love the 1 you're with.

But this secular, cynical viewpoint is not the biblical Christian view.

Micah 4.12, they do not know the thoughts of God.

And the Word of God has found a better plan, a way formulated in the mind of God that will best meet our needs and prepare us for increased usefulness both here and hereafter.

And when we follow God's plan for our lives, our joy is full.

To understand God's purpose in courtship, God's plan in courtship, we really need to understand 1 of God's major purposes for marriage.

Now I'd encourage you, if I'm in blocking your way from seeing, move so that you can see the notes on the screen.

Courtship and marriage is a major activity of humans, but it sets us apart from angels.

Jesus said that in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are as the angels of God in heaven.

The angels do not marry and when we go to heaven we'll join them.

God’s Ideal in Courtship

Christians' resources on spouse selection.

We looked at God's purpose in marriage this morning.

And tonight We want to look at God's ideal and courtship.

Tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock we are going to look at the essentials of happiness.

And that is the 2 rules that God gives in the Bible on how you can predict the future.

You can determine if you're going to have a happy marriage.

Then our closing will be key questions in Kortrijk.

Now, at that time, we'll also make available a free workbook syllabus, the revised edition of a syllabus we prepared for a seminar last year.

This seminar is completely different from last year, but builds on that.

This information here details experience and examination of yourself in judicious counsel, and then the courtship process.

We're going to look at 1 topic we didn't get to last year, which is questions.

And we'll see how many questions we can cover in that.

I believe the Student Association of Loma Linda University has made that available for those who are here for that study time.

And then if we have any time, perhaps time for questions.

Before we look at the, just make sure I have everything working?

You know, there are many people that want shortcuts, quick fixes, Easy answers to difficult questions.

Just look at the internet if you want to find flourishing scams.

There are vitamin pills that can give painless nutrition with a junk food diet.

You can party through nursing school but get a 99 percentile on the National Council licensure examination, the NCLEX.

Don't worry about poison ivy or cure cystic acne or cure cancer.

You name it, there is someone claiming an easy solution for a price on the internet.

And you know there are books and seminars for how to find the quality mate of your dreams, the perfect match.

Well, this weekend I can't offer you any phonemes guaranteed to attract Mr.

The Bible doesn't contain any cookie cutter instant formulas for happiness.

And if you look at the courtships of the Bible, you find everyone is different.

From the instant courtship of Adam, who is 1 day old, to the courtships of the distressed Benjamites who couldn't get wives unless they seized some dancing girls at Shiloh, to Daniel who had no courtship, he was a eunuch.

You look at all of these stories of the Bible and can you name 1 that was the same?

It won't fit somebody else's story because he wants it for you to be able to share to an interested crowd on various planets.

You can tell the story of how God led you, different from anyone else's.

But there are principles in the Bible that ensure safe guidance for choice of an occupation, in direction, in courtship, in guidance in life.

These topics and principles are much bigger than a weekend seminar.

You can't even teach acne and how to treat it in a weekend seminar, let alone the spouse of your dreams.

But we can touch on some important principles and introduce the topic.

But before we do, we need to have some divine help.

And let's just bow our heads again for a word of prayer.

We need even more than than angelic effort.

Otherwise we'll say it wrong or we'll hear it wrong, and we'll get it wrong, and our time together, instead of being valuable, will be worse than wasted.

I pray that You will give no unstinted outpouring of your Spirit.

You've said that you're going to be where Jesus is to be revealed and your word is to be spoken, and that you'd be with us until the very end.

And so though we're at the very end, your promise is still in effect, and I pray that you'll fulfill it.

Is there something I need to do, a position I need to change, or if I back up a little bit?

Can you imagine traveling without maps or compass or even a guide?

Perhaps you have read of John Powell's classic exploration of the Colorado River in 1869.

This scientific expedition was forced to survive famine, attacks, mutiny, and some of the most dangerous rapids known to man, all without knowing what was going to be around the next corner.

They didn't know would there be a waterfall, would there be rapids.

After many days of constant peril, 1 of the crew members declared that he had had enough.

He wouldn't continue the journey, he wanted to get home alive.

So he climbed out of the boat and left for safety.

Meanwhile, the exploring party reached their destination safely the next day.

It's hard to travel without knowledge of what's ahead.

They have no particular direction in life, no knowledge of the future, no insight into the possible hazards facing them.

In the trackless wilderness of life, surrounded by perils, nets, traps, landmines, and beset by a thousand other perils, we need to follow a trustworthy, experienced guide, 1 who has traveled the trail and knows what is ahead.

Of all the times of life, the period of courtship, the period when we're dating, the period when we're making decisions about a future life's partner should make us feel our great need and cause us to cry out to God exclaiming, lead me, guide me, as David did Psalm 31 3.

And if we do this we can hear Him reply, follow me.

God designs that beginning with our youth, continuing through manhood and age, there will never be a step that we do not have His guidance.

As God told Jeremiah, will thou not cry from this time, that is, this time forward, my father, thou art the guide of my youth.

And not only in this life here, but we have the opportunity to follow Christ forever.

These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth, and that's in eternity.

Life is not principally made up of great leaps, but many small steps, insignificant but cumulative, very large.

And guidance is not simply for the big decisions, the big leaves, but it must be had in the myriad small decisions.

Solomon noted that the prudent considers well his steps.

We don't just consider, we must consider well our tiny steps in the direction we're going.

It is the prudent who daily ponder their steps during the period of courtship And the Bible tells us that we can receive God's direction in our courtship.

Proverbs 3, 6, God shall direct our paths.

But the directions to this promise are given just before this promise.

In matters that concern the heart, what should we do?

The Essentials of Happiness

In our first study at noon yesterday, we looked at God's purpose in marriage, which is to strengthen us to resist temptation to evil and to reproduce godly families all over the earth.

Now this is done by biological children and by our evangelistic children.

You remember Paul called those that he had brought in his children in the Lord.

God wants us as husbands and wives, and even in dating, He wants us to be able to do what we couldn't do by ourselves.

In our study last night, we looked at 2 broad topics.

The first is how God guides and what it means to follow Christ.

If anyone, Jesus says, desires to follow me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

We deny ourselves the pleasure of sin and take up the pain of duty.

Let me share a quote that may help us understand this better.

The reason many in this age of the world make no greater advancement in the divine life is because, you wanna read it with me?

They interpret the will of God to be just what they will to do.

They think that what they want to do is clearly what God wants them to do.

Sometimes if I would tell my children when they were young that they shouldn't do something, they would say, oh, mother doesn't care.

Or if mother told them to do something, guess what they'd say?

When in fact, they had never bothered to ask either daddy or mother because they wanted it to do it so evident you know certainly I wouldn't care or they wanted to do it certainly mother wouldn't care.

Now notice the next sentence, while following their own desires they flatter themselves that they are conforming to God's will.

You see in the choice of a life's partner, even in how we conduct our dating practices, there are many, many people who think that if they want that person, it must be God's will for them.

These have no, what does it say, conflicts with self.

There are others, so there are 2 groups, there are others who for a time are successful in the struggle against their selfish desires for pleasure and ease.

I remember friends of mine in medical school years ago and they were earnest Christians but today they don't attend church.

For a time they are successful in the struggle against their selfish desire for pleasure and ease.

They are sincere and earnest but grow weary of protracted effort, of daily death, of ceaseless toil.

Indolence seems inviting, death the self repulsive.

So they discover the gospel and grace doesn't take all this.

They close their drowsy eyes and fall under the power of temptation instead of resisting it.

You see the first group don't deny themselves even though they profess to be following Christ.

The second group don't take up the cross daily and continue to follow Jesus.

The last point last evening then was the broad topic of God's ideal in dating.

Before marriage, there were 3 requirements.

And then the second 1 was self-control had to be acquired.

And then the third 1 was there needed to be a period of sleep, deep sleep in the case of Adam.

And we remember that the Bible uses sleep to illustrate complete trust in God.

When we're able to support family, we have self-control.

Now we continue our study this morning because we'd like to look at predictors of success in marriage.

Dear Father, who of us is sufficient for the task we have?

Sharing Christ and his desire for us in our dating and in our courtship and in our marriage and in our singleness.

We wouldn't understand an angel And an angel wouldn't really understand us.

Jesus alone must speak to us this morning.

We ask that he come here through the power of his Holy Spirit, infilling us.

That His Word may live, breathe, come as a new revelation, newly bathed in power.

We thank you for hearing and answering this prayer in Christ's name.

In 2005, CNN reported the average cost of a wedding was nearly $30, 000.

That is more than 3 semesters of private college.

And if the price of gas continues to climb, that will be a tank for an SUV.

Before making that kind of investment, You ought to know how marriage is going to turn out because it turns out that hatred is even more expensive.

In 2004, John Crouch, divorce attorney, estimated that a contested divorce with a child custody battle costs $40, 000 or more.

Are there any reliable ways to predict whether this investment in marriage is going to turn out to be a good investment or a bad investment, a happy 1 or a miserable 1.

Back to Menu

Series

Phil Mills: Preparation for a Happy Marriage

Key Questions Before Marriage

Transcript

Parent Series

Sponsor

Recorded

Relationships Week 2006

Key Questions Before Marriage

1h

Phil Mills Sr., Israel Ramos, and Judy Ramos ~ Date of Destiny: Finding and Keeping Your Love

Ingredients of Happiness

59m

Family Communications

2 - Husbands and Wives

27m

Marriage Heart to Heart

Common Goals

54m

Relationships and Family Life

The Heart of the Matter

1h 43m

Courtship Decisions

1h

Sound Doctrine