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Central California Conference

Teen Girls’ Retreat

Nicole Parker

The Upward Look

All right today we are talking about part 1 of the heart of the journey and this is about the upward look.

I love that skip by the way that was awesome.

The upward look is the first thing that we need in order to be able to make sense of life.

And I wanted to let you see kind of this is who I live with all my crazies my 2 sons 17 and 18 are Skylar and Seth they're both available you're welcome.

And then these are my daughters, Anaya and Anya.

And no, we did not plan to name our daughters almost the same thing.

We adopted Anya when she was 16 from Ukraine, 5 years ago.

So now she's 21 and she just got baptized in December.

We're just so excited to see what God is doing in her life.

My husband, Alan and I have been married for almost 23 years.

So that just seems impossible to me sometimes, like that I ended up with this incredibly wonderful life.

Because when I was 15, 16, it really didn't seem like I had this incredible life ahead of me.

Honestly, I was thinking sometimes about just ending my life at that time.

And I'll share a little bit more about that as we go.

But you know, God was so good and so gracious to me.

And the things that he did to change my life and to change the whole direction of my life are what I want to share with you today.

Here was the central question that bothered me at 15.

I could not understand why a God of love would allow me to suffer so much.

I had gone through a lot of abuse as a kid.

I don't even want to get into all of that.

You can listen to my testimony elsewhere on AudioVerse or something.

But I just couldn't understand how could God allow the things that he allowed?

And I couldn't figure out how to love him when I had this burning question in my mind.

Maybe you have different burning questions in your minds, but whatever was going on for me, I just saw it through this lens of, but why does he let this stuff happen?

I wasn't like the smoking and drinking and partying, you know, so-called Christian.

If anything, I didn't have any friends, so what was I supposed to do?

But I was just kind of lonely and depressed and isolated and I really struggled with these questions and here's what I kept coming back to.

I would look at the sky, in fact That's why I named my son Skyler because the sky has always been God's testimony to me.

When I would just go out for a walk in the woods or the fields or something and I'd just be like, why?

I kept looking up at the sky and I would just be like, it's so beautiful.

There has to be somebody at the core of the universe who loves beauty.

There has to be something good at the center of everything, right?

This can't have all just happened, so there had to be a creator.

And if there was a creator, and he was good, and he gave beauty, there must be something to life, right?

There must be something worth living for.

There must be a reason to continue living.

Psalm 147 verse 4 says, He counts the number of the stars.

And this was the other thing that got to me.

I could see how big God was when I looked at the sky, when I looked at nature, but I also could see that he cared about every tiny thing.

I would pick a wildflower and just look at it, be like, there are all these little tiny veins in every petal.

Even colors I didn't like when I were on a flower.

And I was just like, What kind of God would make beautiful flowers?

And so I kept coming back to these things.

I didn't really want to study the Bible Even though I went to church every week growing up the Bible.

I thought was boring people would say oh well you should read more It just it just kind of bounced off because I had this crying like, who is God?

Even when I read Bible stories, I would see all the bad things that happened, right.

But when I saw the flowers, and I saw the sky, and I saw the trees, and I just remembered there is somebody who made all of this.

What are the things that matter the most in this world?

You know, it's not what my waistline looks like.

It's not how much money I have in the bank account or how nice my car is, which it's kind of trash, but that's OK.

But those things are not the things that give life meaning, Are they?

Are the happiest people in the world the people in Hollywood who have these beautiful faces and gorgeous houses?

In fact, they're some of the most miserable people often.

And so I kept coming back to consider the lilies, consider who God must be as revealed in nature.

My mom had asked me to go invite the neighbor guy over for supper.

And as I got to his house, I felt like, you know, I should tell him that God loves him.

I knew he was an atheist, but he was this big old guy, like 300 pounds.

And I was this tiny little, you know, 110 pound, 15 year old.

And I told him, I just want you to know God loves you.

He grabbed me in this hug and then he wouldn't let go.

I was trying to get out and then he grabbed my chin and he pulled me up and he kissed me on the lips.

It was so gross and I was so angry and I kind of, I tried to, he said, I want to come in my house, I want to show you something.

I was like, oh, whatever it is, I don't want to see it.

I don't know what he actually intended to do because he didn't manage to pull me into his house.

But in my mind, I was in a terrible situation.

I grabbed onto the doorframe and I said, no, no, I have to go.

You know how we do as girls when we're in a bad situation, but we can't just fight somebody because life.

And anyway, he's like twice my size easily, you know.

The Inward Look

All right, so we are talking about step 2 of the 3 steps of the journey.

I don't know why we have that little thing at the bottom.

And as we see God for who he is, we will become more and more capable of seeing ourselves for who we are.

Not all powerful, not incredible, but deeply and unconditionally loved and valued.

So the upward look is what prepares us for the inward look.

I'm sure you've seen the I am enough movement.

Like 1 of my daughter's friends just got an I am enough tattoo and I was like, you know, on the 1 hand we are, God isn't saying if you would just shape up, I could do something through you.

Or is that 1 more pressure on us to make us perform and eventually drive us to exhaustion?

I think often that's what the effect is of trying to be enough.

This generation, your generation, is struggling with identity like no generation in history.

But If all the things that we have to fix it do fix it, why aren't we doing great?

You guys should be the healthiest and happiest people that have ever lived, right?

We have the self-esteem movement where you're supposed to feel great about yourself.

We have access to more counseling and psychology resources than at any time in history.

And the areas with the greatest access to counseling and psychology resources, like Western countries like where we are now, are often the areas of greatest crisis.

And the popular solutions, honestly, they often just put a bandaid on something that is a gaping wound of identity.

What does God have to say about our identity?

The Ministry of Healing says all who are under the training of God need the quiet hour for communion with their own hearts, with nature, and with God.

Now, I don't need to tell you, a lot of people aren't getting out into nature all the time these days.

It's incredibly healing as I shared with you.

But communion with our own hearts, what does that even mean?

In other words, listen to your heart, listen to what's going on in your heart.

Emotions are central to the best and worst of what makes us human beings.

And emotions are central to reflecting the image of a God of love.

So this is why God wants us to take an inward look for 1 reason, because we need to not just so I'm not going to think about I'm not going to think about how I feel.

That catches up to you eventually, doesn't it?

The avalanche finally hits and you find yourself sobbing in a corner and incapable of coping.

God doesn't want us to live our lives without feelings.

What would it be like to have no feelings?

You go to the wedding and they aren't delighted to be with each other, but they're like, yeah, we're getting married.

We would miss out on the joy of love, of connection with other people.

So God is a relational God and he's made us in his image as relational beings.

For 1 thing, there are school shootings, there are terrible things that flow out of emotions gone wrong.

Emotional intensity gone wrong is 1 of the worst things in this world and all of us have been burned by it, right?

Both our own choices and other people's choices.

It is heavy with emotion and full of emotional stories.

It speaks to feelings and it speaks with feeling.

God's written word is anything but silent about emotion.

This book, True Feelings, has some great information for those who want to study more about what we're talking about today.

God doesn't want us to just not have feelings.

You know, sometimes people paint that as the ideal of feelings come and feelings go and feelings are deceiving.

But there's also just a harsh reality that as emotional beings, we cannot not feel.

God wants instead to talk with us about our feelings.

If you want to build a relationship with somebody, how do you do it?

But if you sat in class next to the same person for 4 years of high school and you never talked to them, you would have time, right?

You might even talk to them about assignments, but it wouldn't be quality time and you wouldn't necessarily be close to them at all.

I'm going to get through 10 chapters a day if it kills me.

It's connection, communication, and quality time.

Think of a time in your life when you have built a close relationship with somebody.

Didn't it come from communication and quality time?

And often it comes through going through struggles or trials together, right?

You go through something tough or emotionally intense and both of you come out the other side closer to each other or farther from each other, right?

You go on a mission trip and somebody is all emotionally intense, but in bad ways, you end up, I don't even want to be around that person again, right?

So relationships can be built up or broken down this way, but communication and quality time In the midst of situations of pressure or emotional intensity especially, can build our relationships.

He wants us to bring to him everything that perplexes the mind.

He wants us to talk to him, not just instead of feeling, but to talk to him about what we're feeling.

And this is part of the most important aspect of what I think we miss in our devotional time.

You know, we tell people, have devotions, do it.

And then we try to have devotions the anxiety way, right?

I will, I'm gonna have devotions, I'm gonna do it for an hour every day.

In college I used to have devotions and I had a commitment, I'm gonna have devotions an hour every day, but then I'd wake up late or something and I'd be like, okay, I got in half an hour today, maybe I can take some time at lunch and get in another half an hour and I'd read the Bible or something, you know, and then sometimes I'd get behind and be like, okay, I'm going to catch up.

I'm 2 hours behind on devotional time this weekend.

The Outward Look

For those who haven't met me earlier, my name is Nicole Parker, and I am so grateful that God has given me the privilege of being here to be with all of you.

I am sharing, this is the third part, for those who don't know, of a series that we've done today.

And the first part was called the upward look, where we realized we must focus on God.

Everything else in life becomes good when he is the primary focus in our lives.

Then the second part that we did was the inward look, how God wants to work in our hearts, make it safe for us to be able to explore what we feel.

And while we can't let our hearts lead us, we do need to listen to our hearts.

Don't follow your heart, but Yes, because your heart will tell you lies about the world.

But your heart will tell you the truth about what you believe and what you worship.

And so now we're talking about the third part of that, the outward look.

When I have spent my life focusing on God and I'm seeking him with my whole heart and I'm not afraid to let him work and do the deep things inside of me Then I'm ready for the outward look now, of course, there are lots of ways that that could go but what I'm focusing on today is the outward look of relationships When my my relationship my vertical relationship with God is solid and healthy, that is what prepares me for horizontal relationships, for building connections with other people.

So, you can see here, the upward look leads to a healthy inward look.

I am always going to see myself badly if I'm not focusing on God, but when I have a healthy upward look, it will change my inward look, and then it will change my outward look.

A lot of us live in a world where likes are everything.

And our upward look often doesn't sufficiently impact on our outward look.

Because we spend so much time on the horizontal, what do these people think of me?

Am I measuring up to what everybody else thinks I should be?

God says you are priceless, you are loved.

Anybody remember what 2 things that we crave?

Every human being longs to be loved and to be valued, and the only truly safe places to find those are in creation and redemption.

How much we are loved is measured by the love in the heart of God.

How much we are worth is measured by a God who said, I will die for you.

So that is supposed to be the lens through which we see everything else in the world the lens through which we see every relationship Look relationships can be really rough, right?

Anybody here ever been through a rocky relationship?

Boy it really messes with you But when we can see life through the lens of, I am loved with an everlasting love, then I don't have to please other people.

And then I can come to my relationships, instead of from a place of emptiness, looking for somebody to satisfy me, I can come from a place of fullness, looking for ways to bless others.

The book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hand says, whatever rules the heart will exercise inescapable influence over the person's life and behavior.

Whatever rules your heart will change the way you think and believe.

So belief will change according to where we find our sense of identity.

We talked this morning about how identity is where we get our sense of love and worth.

Whatever I believe makes me loved and valuable will be my identity.

If that is in Jesus, then my identity will be safe because I'll trust him to love me.

But if I don't, then my behaviors will reflect where I'm getting my sense of identity.

Now, is it a sin to have a favorite sports team?

No, no, these are the fun things that a lot of people do in life.

That's great because every 1 of us is part of multiple groups, right?

The problem is when I think my group must be exalted above other people.

When I'm not getting my sense of identity from Christ, then I start looking down on people who are not part of my party, my group, my club, And whatever that is, that will lead me to exalt myself and crush others down.

How I choose to spend my time is how I choose to spend my life.

We only get so many hours in the day, but the way that we spend those tells what we really believe about what satisfies us.

Behaviors are in the end the result of our outlook, our up look, our inward look, and then what we see around us.

You see, the Israelites said that they followed God, but who did they actually seek?

They could not pry themselves away because no matter how much they talked about God, their behaviors showed the truth.

And we may say we talk about God, but the way that we think about other people will tell the truth about whether we worship God or whether we worship what someone else thinks of us.

So the real question is who has your heart?

If you get it from God then you'll be safe going into relationships with other people.

You know, I remember when I was rock climbing.

When I first started rock climbing, I was about 8 years old.

And I remember I started scrambling up that cliff and I was like wow I Was born to do this.

They said I was like a little monkey I just could not get enough of climbing When you go rock climbing for those of you who don't know, you have this rope and it's anchored to something at the top and then you've got somebody at the bottom, ideally belaying you, and they can stop you from falling all the way down.

When you're climbing though, if you're climbing, you're halfway up the cliff and you lose your grip, you don't fall all the way down.

Your rope's supposed to catch you, right?

Those of you who've been through that, it's pretty scary, right?

The rope stretches and you may get scraped up a little bit.

But you know, your rope's gonna hold you, you're gonna be fine.

This is the way it is when we trust God with our whole hearts.

When people let us down, we may get scraped up a little bit.

We are sinners in the midst of sinners, but we won't be destroyed by other people betraying us.

Jesus modeled to us how to handle betrayal, didn't he?

We don't know the hearts of those around us, And honestly, relationships are a risk, especially marriage.

You know, you're a sinner, they're sinners.

There's no guarantee anywhere that the person that you marry will always be there for you because they make choices day after day.

And no matter how much God may seem to have led you into this relationship, it may fall apart.

And marriage changes every hour of every day of all the rest of your life.

And yet, I married my husband almost 23 years ago.

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Series

Teen Girls’ Retreat

The Upward Look

Transcript

Parent Series

Sponsor

Recorded

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The Cosmic Conflict

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Teen Girls’ Retreat

The Inward Look

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God’s Plan for Building Back Better

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How to Stop Interpreting Scripture Through Your Trauma

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“Hold Fast”

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Depression: The Way Out

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