Michigan Camp Meeting 2025: He Must Increase

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Restoring Connection

Norbert Restrepo

Ivonne Restrepo

01 From Dysfunctional to Functional Families

You're about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2025 Michigan Conference Camping held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

We pray that the Lord will bless you as you listen.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for the spaces that you open up for your people to come, like the Michigan Can Meeting, Lord.

I ask for a special blessing to every speaker, to every interaction, every heart that comes with the hope to find light, the promise, guidance, communion with you, that you might hear the needs of every heart and your Holy Spirit might be poured out in every presentation, in every seminar, in every interaction, Lord, take advantage of this, that there might be a fist, a spiritual fist, and I pray humbly that you can be with us now as we present this topic as well.

It's a privilege to be here at Michigan Camp Meeting.

My name is Norbert Restrepo and my wife's name is Yvonne Restrepo.

Heartland College is a higher education institution located in Virginia.

The purpose of Heartland College is to equip professional missionaries, combining practical training, medical missionary training, outreach, literature, evangelism, agriculture, with a professional career and very intentional missionary skills and mindset.

So that's a little bit of our background.

And the topic we will be presenting here at Michigan Camp Meeting this seminar is about family.

There were 2 institutions that God established in the Garden of Eden that came out of the Garden of Eden, the family and the Sabbath, and both of these institutions are Satan's special target of attack, Because family is the basis of society.

God said it's not good for man to be alone, and the basic unit of society is the family.

So this week we will be sharing different topics dealing with this.

It is such an important topic, not only for us as a church, but to reach our community, because people are suffering out there, and these are practical ways to demonstrate the love of God.

So here we will attempt during the week, in every presentation, to learn to recognize traits of a dysfunctional home.

It's not easy to recognize dysfunctional homes in our lives because it was our father and our mother.

And probably we're the third, fourth generation of Adventists or Christians.

We know they gave their self to us, but they made mistakes and we say like, well, everybody do it.

So recognize this functionality is not easy, but we need to, not to blame anybody, but just to know which traits do we bring and which things we don't have because possibly unsurety we will give that to the next generation.

So we need to learn to recognize these traits And we will analyze the dysfunctional family in the Bible, learn how to break the cycle, how to embrace the healing process in Christ.

Every day we will be showing different aspects how to get to that.

How does hope in Christ translate in practical life and how to help others find real hope in Christ?

Dysfunctional families are unhealthy families.

Dysfunctional sounds like a very strong term and indeed some might say, oh definitely my home, I come from a dysfunctional home.

But others might say, you know, I had a good home.

My dad was, like I can say in my case, my dad was a pastor, is a pastor still, retired, my mom a physician, missionary-minded parents, a good home.

Nonetheless, there could be 1 room in that family, that perfect family, where there's some level of behavior that is simply something that you brought or an area of void, of neglect, that you just inherited from your own parents, from the grandparents.

So 1 way to call it dysfunctional families is just unhealthy families.

And dysfunction or unhealthiness in families may manifest as poor communication, frequent conflict, emotional or physical abuse, spiritual abuse, and much more.

Can you think of dysfunctional families in the Bible?

Can you think of different names and families?

And we don't mention in a, you know, neglected way of, so, no, no, no, We are talking about Abraham was called father of faith.

But I wouldn't, I wouldn't have liked to invite Abraham to a husband's retreat.

So he will learn how to treat wives when he lied twice about his wife just to save himself and put her in danger.

You know, in the story of Joseph, it was a dysfunctional dynamics of blaming, demising themselves, and the intention of killing.

Yeah, and even Isaac, the promised son, the son of the miracle, who was born in their old age, and then you see Isaac having a preferred son.

He preferred Esau, and then his wife preferred Jacob, And we see the effects of this non-healthy preference in these twins that came to a point where Jacob had to flee because Esau wanted to murder his twin brother.

And this was Isaac, the son of the promise.

So even in the best families, there can be unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors.

And in Malachi 4.6, there is this wonderful promise that speaks of when the day of the Lord is coming, the spirit of Elijah will bring back the hearts of the parents of the children and will turn the hearts of the children towards the parents.

And that's exactly our presentation on Thursday.

Well, we'll speak how it happens because it's not a magic thing, you know, like the miraculous healings that happened today, that people are touched and they walk.

For this promise to be fulfilled, there has to be elements that intentionally the family are working towards.

So continue describing the dysfunctional families.

Christian families do not automatically equate to healthy families, and we just saw that with the biblical examples.

This false assumption leads to surprise and distress when the people that were meant to be spiritual leaders, pastors, mentors, and friends turn out to bring the deepest destruction.

And perhaps a better way to describe it is being in a religious home, being in a Seventh-day Adventist home is not a guarantee that this functionality will not happen because sin is an issue that we have to deal with all the time and in every single setting.

So when we talk about dysfunctional families in practical ways, what are we talking about?

We're talking about emotionally unavailable.

The presence, the physical presence is there, but it's not something like this aroma going, you know, this nice thing that attaches 1 to the other.

There is addictions, enablers, and we'll have another and Wednesday we will speak specifically explaining the dynamics of codependency, enablers, and independence.

There's a lot of that in the dysfunctional family and high conflict and abusive families.

A lot of conflict, rage, feelings of betrayal, feelings of vengeance, a lot of competition.

So these are kind of the internal dynamics.

So even though we have described, we could mention a little bit emotionally unavailable families where parents or caregivers are emotionally unavailable.

They might be cold and withhold physical affection or encouraging words because they grew up in a similar environment.

They may have an authoritarian parenting style and believe the adage that children should be seen but not heard.

Addicts and enablers, parents or caretakers have addictions they struggle to manage or attempt to hide.

The other parent might be a codependent who covers for the addict or the enabler.

And the codependent parents spend more time on the parent's addiction than on raising the children.

In other words, when there is addiction or this pattern of codependency, and we will see Wednesday how codependency relates to many things, emotional, it could be physical codependence.

When a parent is a codependent, can no 1 attune to the kid's needs?

Because the parent believes, the codependent, that I depend on the other person to make me happy.

So I depend on the other person, you need to make me happy, why do you say that, you need to think of this to make me feel good.

So that person cannot attune with their own values, identity, feelings, and even desires, because depending on him, how can I attune to a kid, desires and needs?

I can't provide for the main ones, but the detachment happens.

And lastly, dysfunctional families can be placed under this category of high conflict and abuse, abusive, which you mentioned a little bit before, and high conflict and violent families, arguments, criticism, and abuse are regular occurrences.

These families may view their families as possessions rather than as human beings with their own needs.

Regarding their children as property makes it easy for them to rationalize abusing them mentally, verbally, emotionally, physically, or even sexually.

Oh, is that part of the dynamics of the dysfunctional home?

Yes, and we need to speak that because we are in a religious circle here, and the more we hear people, we work with students, And we're talking about the best of the families, those who do a lot of missionary work, but it could be present in the element of a spiritual abuse.

So we want to describe here what are the characteristics.

It's a type of abuse, it's a type of coercion.

It could be manipulation, it could be a disrespect of physical rights, and it could be outright physical sexual abuse that is justified, that is imposed under the garb of religion.

The root of domestic spiritual abuse is the use of religious texts, religious principles, or one's spiritual authority to control a family member.

An example, Miranda hits her six-year-old daughter with a wooden paddle when she's disobedient.

However, her daughter is often left bleeding, bruised, and even limping.

But Miranda cites Proverbs 23.13 as her reason for disciplining her this way, Do not withhold discipline from a child.

If you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

I think you have a testimony that it would be good for you to share because this is difficult to understand in religious circles that are well intended by people who want to do good.

But, you know, we can describe more about that.

So I recall when I was a seven-year-old, I chose to stay at a small school that was run by a few families, and I thought this would be a great experience.

02 From Dysfunctional to Functional Families

You're about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2025 Michigan Conference Camp held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

Yesterday we asked you to write your questions so we will have the opportunity or the attempt to answer because the Holy Spirit is the 1 who answers, but We can deal with the topics.

And we have 2 cases here, and I want to read them because the presentation of today hopefully will give a lot of insights to this situation.

This person has 2 daughters, and they are grown already.

The person who writes the questions suffer abuse and then their daughters suffer abuse, but she was an enabler, so she couldn't protect her kids.

Now the girls resent that and she says, how can I reconnect to my children?

How can I tell Jesus' story to help them?

Today's presentation is about that and also Wednesday and Thursday you know we cannot give everything in 1 hour.

And today, we will attempt a training that we do in churches for 1 week to give in this presentation.

So your buckles, your belts, get them tight, because we are going to go.

And the second case is my husband loves our children, but he struggles to connect with them.

He comes busy working, he doesn't connect with them.

There is kind of a lot of do it, but how connection.

We will work specifically, we talk specifically how to connect and intimate, and learning how to on Thursday.

So today our topic is going to be as my wife was saying, it's going to be pretty dense.

The fear of God versus the fear of rejection.

Now the fear of God sounds like a scary word, but actually in scripture, the fear of God, all the way from Genesis with Abraham's experience, now I know that thou fearest me, to Revelation, fear God and give glory to him for the hour of his judgment has come is a word that has a very positive connotation.

Fearing God is looking up among many other definitions, we need someone bigger and more powerful than ourselves on whom we can depend, that we can have that trust.

And fearing God is actually finding that all-powerful being in whom we can trust and place all of our burdens and know that he will guide us.

But when we don't have the fear of God in our lives, we will seek to fill that void with someone or something else.

Scripture has a name for that in the Old Testament, and in today's presentation, we're gonna give it a modern name, but I'll wait for us to get there.

So There are many fears because we are sin.

And those behaviors are the ones who make any home, any marriage in peril, the behaviors.

We see the fruits and we fight against the fruit and knowing what is the fear that is nourishing that behavior.

So we will see 1 out of the different ones, the fear of rejection, okay?

We will see the fear as a root, then we will see some of the behaviors as a fruit, and you hopefully you can identify with some of them, and then we will see how can we tell Jesus' story over those fears as a root and how to deal with the behaviors that come as a result, okay?

It's a false belief that I must have the approval of significant others to feel good about myself.

If my husband tells me, you did it good, that's great.

If people, my mother, my father, finally value what I'm doing, I'm okay.

For companionship, and you will see it tomorrow.

All the things that we were created for the problem is how we crave for that need in places and we ended up doing things to have that need feel to prove ourselves, to prove others and that's the problem so this whole fear have emotional indicators Okay, what are the emotional indicators of someone who fears rejection?

It's an indicator that we have a fear of rejection, experiencing shame.

The thought that I'm intrinsically broken or I'm not right is what gives shame.

There is something in me that is not right.

Looking for affirmation and love in people.

If I look for affirmation, if I do things so you might say, yes, then I will have acceptance and not rejection because the fear of rejection, And let me do something in 1 minute here.

Fears are so powerful because fear is a type of worship.

When you fear something, why do you fear something?

So you know what we do to fears, good or bad?

We do whatever and you will see, not to go there because I cannot handle.

When there is something you can handle, you don't fear that.

But when there is something you don't have control, then you do whatever not to be in those circumstances because we like control.

So that's why we bow down to that fear, for good or for bad.

Fear is a type of worship, for good or for bad.

Fear God and give glory to Him, because when we fear him, we bow down to him because we recognize he's bigger than us.

There is a whole presentation about this, but this is just for you to think.

So the fear take us to looking for information and love, unconsciously, consciously, and unconsciously, so I won't be rejected.

Another emotional indicator is codependency, and I want to stop here, because we will see today Codependency and independence, which is like an everyday breath in many homes.

We're talking about how to go from dysfunction to function.

Let's speak in practical terms of the everyday life of a home.

If they need me, then I can't be rejected.

2 people rely on each other for support and love.

03 From Dysfunctional to Functional Families

Our Father, our Redeemer, and as we proceed with this third presentation on how to move from this functionality in our homes, in our relationships, to functionality in our relationships and in our homes through the power of Christ.

May you be with us as we explore practical aspects of how we can achieve this in your grace.

Thank you because you understand, you experience many of these situations as you are here on earth.

So we're thankful for that and we claim your promises in the name of Jesus.

So as we started this presentation, and I think we are all now kind of familiar with each other, but in case we have someone new this morning, my name is Norbert and my wife is Yvonne.

We serve at Heartland College, a missionary college that combines missionary training with professional training that's located in Virginia.

And we have been working there for the last 14 years.

I serve there as the president, and Yvonne serves as the health outreach coordinator.

She's a mental health instructor, and she's also the Advancement and Development Director.

By the way, we have a booth in the exhibit areas if you want to go there and see more about what Harlan College offers, which includes services from a youth camp, which just finished last week, and we have a wellness center and the college, the academy and other things that might be of interest to you so you can visit our booth.

On Monday, we started our seminar and we started describing, identifying if you come from a dysfunctional family.

Dysfunctional sounds like an ugly word, but we could replace it.

And you might say, well, my family is not dysfunctional.

You know, I struggle with that because my dad is a pastor, my mom is a medical doctor, third generation, Seventh-day Adventist missionaries.

Why would you label yourself as coming from a dysfunctional family?

So that's why I prefer to use the term unhealthy families.

And all of our families are unhealthy because we have been bitten by sin.

And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can start moving towards a better homes, healthier relationships.

Yesterday we were focusing on codependency which is a very easy pattern to follow.

There's addictions and codependency and relationships is 1 type of those unhealthy addictions.

And today we're going to move towards finding tips on how to find restoration through basic ingredients that we need for obtaining that.

What are the most common problems in the family today?

Number 1 is lack of communication and the proper communication.

1 thing is that we talk and there are many women that said, I've been telling this man for the last 20 years the same thing, but it seems that he doesn't hear.

That's a communication problem because speaking doesn't mean that we are getting to the heart and values and the way the other person reasons that they can understand.

How come I tell him or how come I tell her?

So it has to do a lot with the style of relating that is kind of the base of the communication problem, but lack of communication, disagreement in how to discipline the child.

Don't do that with her, you give him money, But he doesn't need money right now, he needs you to talk to him, but you give him things.

And difficulty in establishing clear roles between both parents.

The roles, the expectations, very important.

Lack of quality time, family time, money management, number 5, and 6, sexual problems.

So as we can see, there is a lot in the way we deal with each other, like the main 4 ones, the first ones, that has to do with the character of a person, the personality and the character.

And sexual problems and money management is number 5 and 6 in the causes for divorce.

So here is that we can see that there are things that if we understand about ourselves and can be changed, the situation can be changed.

So this morning we want to talk about essential nutrients in a relationship.

What the word essential means in nutrition?

Essential in nutrition means something that your body does not synthesize.

Think about the proteins, they're essential amino acids and they're non-essential amino acids.

The non-essential are not the ones that are less important.

It just means that your body metabolizes them.

Whereas the essential ones are the ones that you have to consume externally.

Those are the building blocks that we need to consume and then the body can assemble all the others from those basic elements.

So essential nutrients are those that are extrinsic from us.

We need to receive them because they're not within us.

So in other words, the word essential means You don't produce it.

You need to look for it intentionally to supply to your body what it is.

So today we will speak about essential emotional nutrients for a relationship to move forward.

And now we are going to see how it's important that these elements are in place for your mental health, for your emotional health, and guess for what?

To learn or to maintain intimacy and connection.

So Again, you don't have them, you need to look for them.

Like the basic needs such as eating, drinking, clothing, shelter, that are psychological and emotional essential nutrients.

If you don't have all the nutrients in your body, you start having symptoms, losing your hair, the skin can be cracked and dry, you can have stomach or digestive problems if you don't have the essential nutrients.

The same thing happens emotionally and mentally, but we don't recognize them.

So, we will attempt to see some of the essential nutrients.

These essential nutrients that you're about to see, it doesn't work in specific relationships.

If you want to have a good relationship with someone, these elements need to be present.

Depending on the closeness and the intimacy that you want to have to that person, These elements are deeper, but the elements have to be present for a peaceful, healthy, healthy, no-codependent relationship.

And by the way, the source of all these good traits is Jesus Christ.

Series

Restoring Connection

03 From Dysfunctional to Functional Families

Transcript

Parent Series

Parent Conference

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