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ABC Prayer Crusade

Family Communications

Glenn Coon

2 - Husbands and Wives

3 - Be A Magnet

4 - Unfaithful Mate

5 - Bait The Mate

6 - Spiritually Turned-off Mate

7 - Garden of Love

8 - Children Especially

9 - Pry or Pray

10 - Inlaws

1 - Time for a Tune-Up

Dear Lord, you've promised in Matthew chapter 7, 7.

We're asking for wisdom as you've promised.

We believe that you are granting this wisdom as we answer these questions in Jesus' name.

What if your mate isn't willing to wait to discuss the problem?

Why do we think the mate is not willing to wait?

It may be because we are ourselves not waiting, and the maid is merely responding to our injecting the question.

Or it may be that the maid has never heard of this before.

Consequently, we'd want to learn how can we approach this subject so that the mate will be willing to wait.

The way that I would suggest would be to conform to the law of humility and say to the mate something like this, you know, I want to apologize for having posed problems when your mind is on something else.

That wasn't good, but I didn't know until some time ago that there's a time and we should wait for the proper time when the mind of each of us is at rest.

I wonder what time would be the best time so that I wouldn't be interrupting you all the while.

Maybe it would be the first thing in the morning after when we first awaken.

And the mate in all likelihood may say, well okay, because you see we have not belittled our spouse in this suggestion.

Whereas if we said to our spouse, look, why in the world don't you wait?

We're supposed to wait till morning when our minds are at peace, then he will feel belittled, you see.

The next question is, your method is based on 2 Christians solving their problems.

What if 1 of the partners is not a Christian?

The same laws of communication that are successful for 2 Christians will be also successful for 1 who is a Christian and the other who is not.

You see, you take all the laws of God, they are adequate for anyone who will conform to them.

For instance, the law of gravity will work for an infidel just as well as it will work for a Christian, but if a Christian ignores the law of gravity, he must suffer the result.

If an infidel follows through and obeys the law of gravity, he'll have success.

So you may use the same method for a non-Christian mate as for the Christian.

Now, the adaptation will be slightly different, but the principles will be the same.

What do you do, how do you approach your husband on establishing family worship when you're not even communicating well now?

In Amos chapter 3 verse 3 it says, can 2 walk together except they be agreed.

It's impossible to expect him to want to worship with you if he won't even talk with you.

Now the way that it must be done is this.

He must not feel pained, or she, whichever it is, must not feel pain in any communication with a spouse.

When 1 spouse does not feel pained in the communication that's set up between them, they're liable not to feel that they will be pained if they worship together.

So the thing that causes many people to shy away from worship is many people have have associated worship with pain because they're scolded in worship or they're belittled or 1 person takes this holier-than-thou attitude, and so the other feels ill at ease in this.

How do you communicate with someone who does not even want to communicate and doesn't respond in any way?

This is much, Barbara, as the question we just answered.

In our counseling with people for the last 40 years, we've learned that the reason why many people do not want to communicate is they feel that this communication will be painful to them.

No 1 wants to have the spouse or anyone take this holier than thou attitude.

So if a person doesn't want to communicate, we ought to search our own souls and say, look, am I kind of taking a senior attitude, a superior attitude?

Let me search my soul, examine my soul and determine that my communication will have none of this belittling attitude, you see.

Then as my spouse or my friends or whoever, as they listen to me speak, they won't feel that I'm preaching at them, you see, belittling them, condemning them, scolding them.

When all of these things are absent, people love to communicate.

What do you do if the communication of you and your mate isn't as close as it used to be and you don't even know why?

It used to be close, but human beings, as we are, with 6, 000 years of degeneration, it's possible that at 1 time we were communicating beautifully.

Now all at once we began to go into orbit around the problem instead of the solution.

And unconsciously, the human mind can do it.

In fact, it's difficult for the human mind not to go into orbit in the communication around the problem.

So I would suggest to these individuals that they would check again and say to themselves, am I communicating the problem or am I discussing possible solutions?

If I am going to orbit around this problem, if I'm mulling over the problem in my communication with my mate.

No wonder that we find it difficult all of a sudden.

Let me change my ways and not belittle, not to go into orbit around this problem, but with a big sweet smile, an innocent gesture, Talk about solutions.

When you are involved in a problem, this one's basically the same and can't see the solution.

How do you keep from going into orbit around the problem?

The way you will keep from going into orbit around the problem, there are 2 or 3 principles that we should notice.

Number 1, we should realize how serious it is to go into orbit around the problem.

2 Corinthians 3, verse 18 says that by beholding, we're changed in the same image.

Now, as we look back over the past and we find individuals who are quarreling, and they say fighting with their tongues, you know, you say, oh, the reason why we're quarreling, The reason why we've gotten into this awful bind is because we went into the orbit around the problem.

Therefore, let us realize that the mind adapts itself to the thing it contemplates.

The mind then will be at rest as we discuss the solution.

Then, the next would be to ask the Lord to give us power to discuss solutions rather than the problem, merely identify the problem, and then say, as we have already mentioned, what would this be, would you think, as a possible solution?

Now in order to do this, we'll often, Barbara, have to fall on our knees.

And we may open our Bible and we may say to the Lord, Dear Lord, I don't have the wisdom that I need.

And I don't have the peace of mind that I need.

And so, dear Lord, will you give me wisdom to keep from going into orbit around this problem?

Will you give me wisdom to think of possible solutions so that my mate will not feel that I'm belittling him or her?

And I ask you to do it, that's the E of prayer.

I believe you're doing it, that's a B of prayer.

I thank you that I have received the wisdom that you've promised as I let you subdue self.

That's where the ABCs of prayer can really come in, if they can recognize the promises in the Bible for them.

What do you do when your mate has been nasty to you and you don't even want to communicate with them at all.

First of all, you may say to yourself, I'm perfectly normal.

Who naturally, normally, wants to communicate with somebody that's been very unkind to them, who has been sarcastic?

Now, in order to be able to have peace in our hearts when somebody's been so nasty as the questioner has stated it, let me give you an illustration.

At the close of 1 of our meetings in a certain place, a 73-year-old lady came to see me in the after service.

She said, My daughter is the most sarcastic soul that you ever have seen or heard in your life.

Throughout the day she's hurling little cutting remarks at me.

And she said, I'm living in constant suffering day after day after day.

I said, if you'll turn to Isaiah, the 26th chapter in the third verse, it says, Thou, that's the Lord, will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee.

I said to this fine little old lady, I said, look, the next time your daughter begins to say these nasty things to you.

Series

Family Communications

2 - Husbands and Wives

Transcript

Parent Series

Sponsor

Three Essentials for a Strong Marriage

1h 2m

Relationships Week 2006

Key Questions Before Marriage

1h

Phil Mills: Preparation for a Happy Marriage

Key Questions Before Marriage

1h

Phil Mills Sr., Israel Ramos, and Judy Ramos ~ Date of Destiny: Finding and Keeping Your Love

Ingredients of Happiness

59m

Biblical Relationships (Afternoon meetings)

Overcoming the Myths of Marriage

32m

You Can Love Again

2 - Martha Salvages Bill

57m

The Great Decision: Who Should I Marry?

1h 19m

Restoring the Home

03 Biblical Principles for Marriage

1h 4m

Seminars

Family in End-Time Perspective

51m

Breakout Session A

The Foundation for a Happy Marriage

1h 6m

Relationships and Family Life

My ‘Single’ Desire

1h 24m

The 7 Secrets of a Successful Love Story

49m

Sound Doctrine