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Generation. Youth. Christ. (GYC)

Alan and Nicole Parker - Happily Ever After: Finding True Love, God's Way

Alan Parker

Nicole Parker

Is This “The One”?

But We’re Just Friends

Romance, Courtship, and Marriage

Getting Ready for Your Wedding Night

Beauty for Ashes: Healing Past Hurts

Relationships Question and Answer

Father, we want to thank you that you are present in this room.

You know that on our hearts there's nothing more important than serving you, than the benefits of a great relationship that you have ordained.

You have said it's not good for men and women to be alone and Lord we know that although there are a lot of single people here today, you have a plan for their lives.

Lord, we also know that there are a lot of broken relationships and from the breakups we have to deal with how do we handle breakups, how do we handle our sexuality, how do we handle it when we have an interest in someone else, how do we handle a relationship that we just want to be, reflect your glory and your image.

And so Lord be with us as we answer these questions, help it to come from the word for we pray these things in Jesus name amen all right we I'm just gonna dive right in so let's just take the first 1 how can you really get over a girl that you really did care for and miss even after you break up?

So, it could be a boy, it could be a girl.

I mean, it's not that you have the same necessarily emotional challenges that you have in a divorce, but it's something where you feel like you're dying.

Both of us have gone through breakups where we had Elsas, where my wife had Elsa.

I didn't feel I could survive another day.

Time does heal, but if you want to heal, you have to let the wound close over.

When you keep a wound open, when you keep going back and, you know the typical thing, and we both have this experience, oh we've broken up but that's okay, we'll just be friends now.

You know, we, because we, we miss the friendship, right?

That was what held us, that was part of what held us together.

So now we miss that friendship and we think even though we've broken up, we'll just be friends.

The reality is if you have broken up with a person, you need to get away from that person.

Bottom line, get away from them and you will heal faster.

This kind of thing where you keep seeing them every day, it will make you miserable.

You'll have a friendship that seems good, but in the end it's just going to drag you down.

I want to mention on that topic, sometimes you may not be able to get away from them all together.

Maybe you go to school with this person, you see them in class every day.

In that case, remember those of you who were here earlier when we mentioned the circles of intimacy, communication deeply will continue bonding you deeply.

If you don't want to stay close to this person, keep your communication in the outer levels.

It's okay, you know, say hi as you walk past if you if you need to if you want to if that's the way that You guys are fine.

You know you know you walk into a room and they're there you go, and you run the other way That's not helpful generally You'll make your life too dramatic, so you just hi Avoid their eyes if you're gonna talk to them you can share about the weather you can talk about information Even opinions sometimes but don't get into talking about your feelings.

Stay away from them If you want to break the bond and heal, don't get into those deeper bonding areas, emotions, needs and fears.

Don't talk about those things with this person or anybody who might share it with this person in hopes that this person will find out just how much you're hurting.

And I would add, don't daydream about it.

I talked to somebody who, I don't know, she's even here at GYC, she was saying, you know, we broke up months ago, but I'm feeling more and more drawn to him.

And I said, you know, in my experience, when that happens, it's daydreaming.

And you know the person you create in your imagination is remarkably agreeable to doing whatever you want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do.

So when you create a daydream person, don't be surprised that you fall in love with them very easily.

You will make excuses to go back to the other person.

Like, oh, there's a book that I found that I borrowed from her once.

I went back to my ex-girlfriend, found an excuse to go and visit her, drop off the book.

You know, I'm just dropping off the book.

You know, I'm there because I'm emotionally dependent on that other person.

And she said to me later, my ex-girlfriend, I dated for 3 and a half years, she said to me, I had this open wound and it's like you kept coming back and dragging your fingers through it.

And you may think, well, what if I don't go back, maybe this relationship will be gone forever.

The reality, if you do go back, that relationship will be gone forever.

I had a relation, it's the same girl actually.

The same girl, she did take me back once because I knew she loved purple.

So I went down and I bought these purple flowers after she broke up with me the first time.

I filled up my trunk with purple flowers.

It was not the reaction I expected because she knew that I was using 1 thing that would break her barriers down.

But sure enough, within a day, she had changed her opinion.

Then we spent another year dating, courting, and then we broke up again.

If I'd just gone with her first breakup, we would have been much better off.

Generally, just as a rule, if you break up, it was a good idea.

People don't generally just break up for the joy of it.

If you broke up, you probably had a good reason to break up.

And if you want to go back, you probably don't have a good reason to.

So if you're following your heart, wanting to go back, it's probably a bad idea.

Does the Bible have anything to say about it?

Some people do suspect that there are some things in Song of Solomon that are talking about oral sex.

But this question, I'm going to take it as 2 possible questions.

1, is there anything wrong with oral sex outside of marriage?

Because this is, it may not be a big problem among people here, but you have a lot of friends, chances are, who think, well, you know, we're not having sex.

I mean, some people high up believe in that.

You did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Is there anything wrong with oral sex outside of marriage?

Series

Alan and Nicole Parker - Happily Ever After: Finding True Love, God's Way

Relationships Question and Answer

Transcript

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