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Advent HOPE Sabbath School

Phil Mills: Dating and Courtship for a Happy Marriage

Phil Mills

Preparing for Courtship

All You Need is Love

Courtship Question and Answer

It was just 2 months ago, I guess I need to speak here into the mic, don't I?

And residents rotate through my office practice at Wichita, And a Hindu internal medicine resident was spending some time with me and I was getting acquainted with her.

And as we sat down to get acquainted I asked her if she was married and you know the usual questions that you're asked is to get acquainted, have children, those sorts of things.

And so she told me she was married to an engineer and I asked her how she had married him, how she had met him.

And she told me a very interesting story.

She was kind of reluctant at first, but I encouraged her to just share it with me.

Well, she said she lived in another country, and her husband she had not met, his parents also lived in His parents also lived in that country where she lived and he was living in Wichita.

And His parents put an advertisement in 1 of the Hindu papers and her parents read the advertisement, responded, and the parents of the fellow liked the parents, they met her, and decided there would be a marriage.

And so he flew back and she met him 3 days before the wedding while they were preparing for the final part of the wedding.

I asked her if that's what she was going to do for her children and she said, well it worked for her.

You know that sounds strange to our ears here in this country but the fact of the matter is, until about 200-230 years ago, that was a typical type of courtship.

Parents would choose the spouse for the children, they wouldn't think too much about it.

And then the Romantic period came, and there was a change.

With the Romantic period, you have the Romantic art, the Romantic literature, the Romantic music, and also Romantic courtship.

Now, instead of parents choosing for children, the parents need to get out of the way and the children choose for themselves.

I remember an article I read in the Review and Herald while I was a teenager.

It told about the best time of your life, courtship, and then after that you have the dreary years of adulthood.

Generations now have grown up with this kind of idea of courtship.

But in my generation, the romantic period is ending.

When I was just starting my practice in Wichita, if 2 couples were living together, they basically didn't admit it.

If they did, they were kind of embarrassed.

But now, 23 years later, There's not even a hint of embarrassment or hesitation, no this isn't my wife, or this isn't my husband.

And I believe an article in Wall Street Journal 2 weeks ago announced that the romantic period just ended.

This was the Wall Street Journal 11-17-2004, Key to a lasting marriage, combat.

This is what it said, I'm just giving you some helpful quotes here.

Growing body of research suggests there is no such thing as a compatible couple.

All couples tend to argue about the same things.

Their recommendation is schedule weekly arguments.

I don't know if they're good weekly, why not do them more than that?

And to prepare for courtship, the recommendation is give instruction in fighting.

Yes just as the romantic period of literature and art passed, it appears that the romantic period of courtship is ending, people are giving up on marriage, denying that compatible couples exist, the age of romance is gone, we've entered the age of despair.

The experts conclude the key to a lasting marriage, combat.

Truly they prove the truth of Isaiah's observation the way of peace they know not.

Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it.

It won't come out right, it just can't come out right.

I remember when I was here at Loma Linda, I had the opportunity to be involved with a study group on God's plan in courtship and marriage.

There were about 90 of us, and I had the privilege of leading that group for 4 weeks, every Friday night.

For an hour and a half, we'd look at what the Bible and the Spirit of prophecy said on courtship.

And I found that what God said was just about the opposite of anything I'd ever heard before.

I found that God's plans are not our plans, His thoughts not our thoughts, but I decided that whatever else I would do I would follow what the Word of God said.

For better or for worse I would build my life around God's directions, and I'm so thankful that that's what happened.

I believe that 2 Chronicles 20 has the secret of dating that will lead to successful marriages.

And that is, believe in the Lord your God, so shall you be established, believe his prophets, so shall you prosper.

This is the formula to prospering not only in marriage, but in all of life.

Since we want to prosper this seminar, we want to build this seminar around God's Word and God's inspired instruction, the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy.

And I would encourage each of you to build your lives around those inspired pieces of instruction unless you want to try the other system, build your life around the happy marriage combat.

I hope you will find that it points you in directions that are helpful.

And then tomorrow you'll get the syllabus which will contain the material that we cover here tonight and tomorrow.

Now marriage has been said, it comes from God, and it's 1 of only How many institutions from still relics from from Eden too.

I don't know exactly what went through Adam's mind as he watched God make the various animals, But as they got closer and closer to looking like someone for him, he got more excited.

He didn't say, well, maybe it's 1 of these And finally, God brushed his coat off and he said, Well Adam, we're done.

And Adam, I'm sure, was a little bit disappointed.

He had been thinking, maybe God is going to surprise somebody for me, because he noticed that God made them 2 by 2 for everyone else.

And so God says, you've worked hard, why don't you just take a nap, I'm going to straighten up some other things.

Adam went to sleep and when he woke up, there was Eve.

Adam learned that God provides for our needs.

The Lord said it's not good for Adam to be alone.

I don't want him to be here all by himself, wandering around.

God says in Psalms, He sets the solitary in families.

Jesus promised His disciples, He said, Assuredly, I say to you, Mark 10, 29, there is no 1 who has left house or brother or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my sake and the Gospels who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time.

Houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children.

You see, a good wife or a good husband is such a great gift that God reserves it to give himself.

A sensible wife, as the contemporary English version says, is from the Lord.

Many of the blessings which I had at Loma Linda, I suppose if I looked at the greatest blessing that I got here, came out of that study on courtship.

There was a student, and I just found this story out this week, that came, we had about 98 of us that got together every Friday as I told you, And 1 person that came was so excited about the studies that when she was in San Francisco, I'm going to miss the last 1, she took a plane rather than driving so she could come back for the final studies.

We actually looked at courtship each of the weeks.

We looked at something different, but on the final 1, we looked at romantic fever, the contagious disease of the heart, And she came back for that.

That's my wife, but she never told me that story before.

I'm glad to have an opportunity to lead out in such a study again.

The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred of any on earth.

It was designed to be a blessing to mankind.

And it was a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently in the fear of God and with due consideration for its responsibilities.

Proper dating, you see, proper courtship is to help us enter a marriage intelligently, with our eyes wide open, none of this blindness stuff, and obediently preparing to bear the responsibilities of married life.

Now God designed marriage to actually be a triple blessing, a time when Parents give the blessing to their children, the church puts its blessing on the couple, and God gives his blessing and approval to a new home.

Deuteronomy 7.14, you shall be blessed above all peoples.

Deuteronomy 12.7, You shall rejoice in all to which you have put your hand, you and your households, in which the Lord your God has blessed you.

But unfortunately this triple blessing is quite rare.

Series

Phil Mills: Dating and Courtship for a Happy Marriage

Preparing for Courtship

Transcript

Parent Series

Sponsor

Recorded

Phil Mills: Preparation for a Happy Marriage

God’s Purpose in Marriage

45m

MTYC 2010 Breakout Seminar - Relationship

Am I His Witness?

48m

MTYC 2010 Breakout Seminar - Relationship

Thanks God But I’ll Do It My Way!

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Disappointed but Not Discouraged

32m

The History of the Church and The Reformation

01 At the Core of the Reformation

1h 15m

Dane Griffin: SWYC 2005 Practical Christianity Seminar

Practical Christianity Seminar, Part 2

56m

Unlocking Prophecy

10- The Beast’s Greatest Conspiracy

1h 8m

Parenting ~ Heart to Heart

God’s Word the Parent’s Guide

59m

Romantic Relationship Seminar

02 How God Prepares You for Your Spouse

49m

Phil Mills: Dating and Courtship for a Happy Marriage

All You Need is Love

42m

Help From Above

1h

Phil Mills Sr., Israel Ramos, and Judy Ramos ~ Date of Destiny: Finding and Keeping Your Love

Courtship Readiness

58m

Sound Doctrine