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Single and Satisfied

Alan Parker Nicole Parker

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Conference

Recorded

  • September 20, 2008
    4:00 PM
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father had been waiting for your spirit speak there whether open our minds here were going to your will for each one of our lives I know you have a beautiful lessor you want to write for each one of the people who are here first love with you and second if it's your will love with someone who thank you Lord in our lives there was a time in my life I was very single and very not satisfied I started dating when I was about fourteen and and that profession of guys that I dated between then sixteen I figured out that this is not a good idea so when I committed my life to the Lord I also committed my dating relationship to the Lord and that meant for me no longer dating I didn't date from when I was sixteen until I was twenty three and that was the vision initially I would like how might I went that way and I shared earlier earlier seminar how I was like I was known as being a huge flirt and I thought how might an Olympic way it is like now I decided out into the God thing and for me the God thing meant going on for the convent and ended up deciding whether you have any relationship with God now penetrated everything one hundred percent the way that God wanted me to laugh to admit I thought you know God certainly does have some harsh requirements here but I realized that I needed to get my thought life straight I spent a lot of time daydreaming I spent a lot of time training guide them when I come home and lie down at night I really longed for something to be there with me so I would create imaginary stories you know I read novel I I would make up novels I was good to be a novelist might my best friend Dana and I we were to be novelists together and write a novel under the pen name being attacked we had our life went out of thirteenth and we were a lot while one story they were very romantic they are captured by Indians in all I think but you know the bottom line was in our lives were not even it was not possible revenue captured by Indians and it was no more possible that we actually find true love with the mindset that we had and on the way we we parted ways when I chose to take one direction of my life since my offer and dating she chose a different path than it was never a happy one I think she is on her third marriage now but it is now the Lord is very gracious and what I thought was such a terrible sacrifice that the Lord was calling me to I can tell you with one of the greatest blessings of my life not only did I make so many rich quality friendships both opposite sex and same-sex because once I found that once I couldn't feed that hormonal high of flirting with guys and am feeling so good because I have been the intimate talks with guys who I wasn't dating were just like brother and sister blah blah blah but once I didn't have that I wasn't feeding that anymore I mean friends with girls with a lot more attractive that had been before when I can compare thing down with a girl and spilling my guts were slipping down with a guy and spilling my guts wow you know this felt so intense but I don't close friendships with girls I felt I've found that being single could truly be satisfying and now currently share with you today the keys to how I found that and how I believe that God wants to have that for every one of you if you're not married God wants you to be single and satisfied now I shared a little bit about this study earlier according to a study published in the Journal of personality and social psychology most people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were prior to marriage how many of you were here when I shared this earlier all right this at twenty four thousand individuals and look at how they reacted to getting married and they found that they generally stated freelancer their personal point of happiness may have a little blip of extra happy around when they got married maybe the year before when there engaged in and out and maybe some of the year afterward than they go right back to being just as happy as they were before the miserable people are miserable again happy people were happy again and some people are happier than others the researcher diner concluded that clear and there are things you can do to make yourself happier but something external like getting married isn't a royal road to changing your set point when I was single and young and foolish growth of the brain there we go okay then we go in and found yours you are out my husband is running by then beforehand so that that means that he is leaving this weekend that a defendant on how to have a happy marriage and that wonderful life and learning how to be a happy failure learning how to be a happy married person to get the same principle there can apply marriage is different but not necessarily better I like marriage better than being single but I think it's mainly because the path of the just and that the shining light the Bible says that shines more and more unto the perfect day marriage is better because it's wonderful it's the cure I feel so safe in knowing my husband loves me forever he's committed to me and I realized for most people who get married they don't have the same security guide you because we didn't see on each other we effect of anybody else before we married each other because I know when my husband does work on the flight of doubt in my mind that he is being faithful to me whether he then my right or not a lot of people don't have that but from the marriage of happier but it's also happy because as I'm many more and more time every every year I become more of who God wants me indeed by God 's grace I certainly hope anyway and merited a wonderful way to grow to learn some great things about myself that I didn't realize you know I didn't realize how selfish I was I didn't realize you know you don't really realize how sick you are near and wait until you try to lead a dishwasher with a meal and they don't go there honey and he heard this way now the water spray then try to reason with a rational person like my husband is in marriage is great but it's not as romantic as dating at it more secure more stable but it's not as emotionally and a people out of the house to put it though some people may get married expecting wow I now work in a limited and then the wonders of engagement are just can be multiplied will be married now now will actually be able to have that boy everything is just to be so intensely exciting all of our lives and lunch is different like that I remember when I was you know like I do now ten years old or so and I was just thinking then Sunday I could only be now big enough to drive big enough to go sleepover at my friends house big enough to whatever it was I wanted to go later Academy I wanted to have friends I wanted to be popular I wasn't content with where got it cut me and once I reached the age where I could drive where I could go at sleepovers I have tried to do things like that and I found I is most of my friends were all still not content we really wanted to be married or at least dating we went and found that eleven three when it had that letter whenever we the third person wanted to be able to dress for somebody fix her hair for somebody and then I found after I jumped across the fence and so my friends it jumped across the fence before me I got married first I started finding out how you know this is a little scary I have a lot of friends and got married before me that I was twenty seven I got married a lot of people went before me and some of them were already hopping back over the fence into single when I was not even there yet but we went through with them I thought marriage was you know that was what we dreamed about all the time when we were kids but the key is in Philippians for verse eleven I found in whatsoever state I am there with you be content if a marriage is like a revolving door those are in the outsider trying to get in another an insider trying to get out and that's a lot for the truth you know it's sad but it's very true leaving about it in the worldly movies I hope none of you guys are watching a kind of garbage by a worldly movies typically if a person is married at the beginning of the movie exploring their fighting things are going so well and then then the person they really should married come along and then wow you're the excitement really starts in a runoff in this person with a jerk ambition never married him anyway but now they found real love or if they're not married at the beginning of the movie then of course they find somebody and that person they fight with nonstop and then the minute action hit you can't stop it they have to leap into bed together even though they've known each other for a total of forty eight hours and now it worked and now they find happiness and love everlasting in the method I live there to be one long upheaval of passion and compassion because him I found a person like that right does not life you want us to be content with where we are not giving about who wrote this Bible verse Philippians four eleven Paul wrote this one of the most prominent single people in all the Bible I have found in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content you read some of the state that Paul was in but five times in three of the Jews received forty stripes save one and is beaten with rods three times shipwrecked three times Lebanese and a whole line day in the in the water treading water waiting to be rescued heat inventors found much starvation cold being chased being betrayed by false brethren and yet you have content and current events is not something that anyone else can get to you contentment comes only from God God give this if he would think of the story of Jesus when he was in the boat story about Jesus and he was asleep in the vote I mean this guy must've been exhausted to be able to sleep through this kind of storm there's water pouring over the boat and he house is so sound asleep he was content developed safe and secure how often the reason why special he is one of the reply we want to start dating is because we don't feel secure we want someone to give us that security somebody take care of me you love me for me to be there for me all the time and the whole time who do we have it already therefore the arty know that he are thus more than any human being can ever love us and he is the ultimate print he's the ultimate knight in shining armor but as he stands there offering his unconditional all your total love knowing us with all of our our works in every idle anything about it the other thing that we would be terrified for a boyfriend find out he arty knows and yet he loved us so much and he says come here let me hold you in my arms let me carry you through your day money be there with the money help you with your studies let me help you with the stress that they now know you and you know if you really love me not want to give me a guy and mentally are and I am sure that you can relate this to now to talk a little bit more about a guy 's perspective being single is that by but the bottom line is Christ is enough his grace is sufficient his love is more than we can however expect or hope for from anyone else in the eyes married the best man in the world for me I say that without the slightest doubt in my mind and I've never once regretted marrying Alan I'm so glad that you know I know so few people who experiences the same most people I know they married somebody and then years down the road they're not able to say that anymore they may still be committed to the relationship that friend thought he's given me such a wonderful man but you know now married now that I'm on this side of the fence I can say with conviction if it doesn't satisfy the longing not even being married the best person in the world will satisfy the hunger of your heart only Judah Nevada by the hunger in your heart that God shaped hole can only be filled by his love love that never fails love it never misunderstands the love that never gets irritated or grumpy love that never has to be in the event is real live as God does not go up and down in his love cycle with us he doesn't feel close to us and then feel far from a when we don't feel close to God it doesn't mean that he farther from him and may mean that he is allowing us to better attack with one of Ali Mir his always quote we crave unconditional love and no human being can give back to our we crave unconditional love because God has put that craving in our heart Jesus was the one who was called to write this and he left went through his life on earth alone he didn't have that special someone in fact she was surrounded by a bunch of grumpy selfish disciples who even as Jesus told them what we're underrated Jerusalem community crucified like okay so big deal anyway can you be the greatest among us I really want to be the one who sits at the right hand when Jesus is ruling the kingdom man I can't wait until we these people out of world than a fivefold work and move with themselves sometimes you may feel lonely sometimes you may feel like there's no one who really understand that Jesus remember being afflicted by thing one thousand five and he knew he would never get married what if you prayed a new surrender everything to the Lord and somehow he revealed to you that you would never get married marriage was not going to happen to you know you're talking to die tomorrow but your live a long fruitful life in which she will be barren of marriage in a divergent original that would be depressing to see that think that he knew what he was any go through not only he knew he would live the life they know that he knew he was in a dial horrible death and yet he lives his life thing the one Fatah fighting he is hereby example and everything until you learn to be single in fact I don't never be able to partake of that unique experience you know we're told that we are to fellowship with Christ in his sufferings one of Gina 's most intense suffering was his loneliness and desire of ages basic face the SSA human hotline for ascendancy and suffering this longing cry felt the very depth of being given especially the veteran about winning the Garden of Gethsemane when you lie down in your bed at night you just walked past the dorm lobby and all the people who are all making out and slobbering all over each other in LA Michigan the depth of growth out or else as well the depth of adding your bed and your lonely remember when I lie down alone and I think sometimes how much on my mind right now much I want to talk to somebody about Nike there's nobody good here there's nobody God has sent to me it was a hard feeling but you know I learned that that was the most precious time for games in the battle of the time that you turn on the light get out my journal and start writing a prayer writing to Jesus or just talking turned by hand this is what I'm feeling I know you felt that Nancy J Vizcaino was tempted in all points like as we are yet without sin Jesus didn't choose to be discontented with a lot that he was given in life Jesus didn't choose to mourn about how unfair it was that he didn't yet have anybody love and everybody else got things from him everybody else depended on him but nobody was there for him didn't benefit down in an wail about that he spent his life in service and he understands he knows what you're going through no other person can can totally exactly understand what it is that you go through in your singleness it's not able to be lonely if not then it's the way that God has created our heart and people feel like well it's wrong of me to even have a longing to get married now it's not wrong it is something that God is created in you there's nothing evil about it but if the call of God to your heart God reaching out to you the first set I went to bring out in satisfying that first recognized loneliness of the call of God to your heart Jeremiah two thirteen invention the first earlier access for my people have committed two evils they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters and he denounced Mister broken system that can hold no water I've done that in my life and I'm sure you have to any time that God is not the center of our lives will find something else and make that are broken cistern water we drink broken cistern why do we try scraping money water at the bottom of something and drinking that why would anybody do that when you've got that fountain of living waters right if I get any tiny one at Trenton he's right there because we haven't drawn from the fountain of living waters and why do we not drink from the fountain of living water sometimes it because we realize that it means we have to take up our cross you can't need to get out of the fountain of living water unless you're willing to let go of the other things that you'd like to have his idols instead we can go well Lord I know I really want to have your fountain of living water I really want to have a satisfying deeper relationship with you that want to give up going out to the movies in my fans of the movie there are wrong and I thing you can ever watch a video in the wrong to watch a video gone is not as interested in what you're doing and why you're doing it now I say that carefully I'm not saying that Feith it doesn't matter if you go out to movies you got it or you know theaters the big a big debate in administer goals right can you go to the theater not I choose not to I can be open about that I choose not to because there's no fast-forward button and there are things that you there were something that's really going to watch the theater is already limited severely and cost a lot of money and if there's something that I sit down and find out and isn't appropriate I thought it was it can be very hard for me to walk out when she wanted a family and if I go and watch them from the opening farewell at the Pentagon the theater I can do this to my own personal choice but it wasn't something that just came to me easily it wasn't just a flippant choice if I got how can you take away from anything that I really like that I find pleasure and how come I can go out and an party you know I don't mean I don't mean party like drinking alcohol I never made the choices to drink alcohol I never drank a drop I never smoked a cigarette and I only for a couple of times in my life but I was very far from God and most of most of my teenage years up until I was about seventeen I didn't believe that that God 's grace could be sufficient to give me a happy life and wrestled with you know but not if I give up flirting you have any kind of meaningful interaction with God to make friends with guys are not to be able to have any fun anymore felt that now I'm not saying that when you give up your extracurricular activities to God when you surrender control of everything in your life to God that you can take away all the fun you can have any marketing a chocolate bar and yet I don't you dare touch that you can't wear it anymore either by the way but I'm saying that we should allow broken cisterns for ourselves in many areas of our lives and then we're unable to drink of the fountain of living waters because in comparison is dry you know when you've watched the movie than a movie of finding the ever done that with your friend but I'm a bit notable mistaken numerous times in my life you know you watch several movies all around him are trying to what do that you know my sister and I need to bag my mom to rent some movies that she now should go and take us to the video store and she's a talented one you can make money by fighting and remember to get and I always than my sister because you know I was unselfish like that not because I knew she can persuade my long to watch something worse than I could hope to my mom it's probably only PG-13 it has one bad word weekly she was really my sister and we would get whatever we could and and any time that we finished watching all the stuff that we had only had the perennial cry of the teenager mom 's old Boulevard please can't we get some I was so bored all the time if we can have something to read something to watch something that was into literally hardly empty like God into the various of my life and actually what you can or can't watch or listen to or where or read that something you need to sit down with the spirit of God and Craig on whenever you want me to do I will do whatever you want me to give up I will give up but here's what I learned and shared for my own heart my own experience once I made that very difficult commitment to stop watching all that garbage and stop listening to a lot of garbage that had been really interested in through a lot of books I didn't need to read anymore you know my sister wasn't as excited about minus choices for a while it was the real point of contention in our family but eventually she decided to try to not think it she thought what is happy in my life issues that mom all right no promises about try and make an appointment maybe a year or so after word that we are just talking together one day and said you can't remember the last time I would board you are thoroughly bored either I was dazed we actually went in quality-of-life of anything that is massive downturn when we decided to give ourselves to God but it was the opposite we found that our lives became so much richer and more fulfilling we were comparing our reality where you have to scrub floors and do homework and wash toilet and you know you drive places when there's not to be an accident and you're not having an important conversation you just drive right unlike the movie are our actual day-to-day existence became much more exciting but the main thing that was important that the Bible became so much more fighting where before there was like praying you know I can pray for maybe a minute or two eighty five if I try really hard but Freire became something of a film it's easier to focus on when I didn't have all these other things that were the broken system and the things they gave me excitement thrills when I let go of those things there was a very difficult process I found the Bible became so much more interesting it became the word of God that the voice of God to my soul and advice that in the Bible and initially was dry it was hard to read it off I go here to happy the whole God thing is that the take this much but the more Iran's and the more I read books like the desire of ages and steps to Christ that talked about how to have a relationship with God what Jesus was really like me actually like me I started thinking I started feeling like you can actually connect with him I actually can love a dog like that I can actually even trust the God like this so it was a process as I am I started trying to turn to the fountain of living waters and then started painting and seeing that the Bible really is exciting it really is fascinating when you study at a bit of comparing the Bible with reading a novel I can read a novel does that tonight but the Bible is another thing altogether and yet when I stopped reading the novels that take the Bible progressively got more and more interesting because I was used to studying rather than in a reading something first serve the sorry and the page turn the things I couldn't stop reading when I stopped reading out of the bottle became so much more fascinating though recognizing loneliness of the confidant of God your heart is crucial is the first step I believe the most important stat in becoming that five figure single life I know I may be touching on something that don't seem to have anything to do with relationships but stay with me if you if you are out in the woods and your long and then you see the campfire you see the smoke going up and you know that's the direction I got a go it's really hard to take a detour back to the canyon between where you are and where the campfire is you have to take a detour in order to really make it to where you want to be if you really want to make it to where you want to be single and satisfying you may have to take a detour and got three good things that she didn't think were actually related to this process of becoming satisfied with your single and if you stop fantasizing and I don't know how many of you have this problem this is on sharing from my own experience the Lord will convict you as you sit down with his word with a pen and paper in a prayerful heart to God tell me what I love I need to hand over God made it to the painful surgery on your heart but it can be good in any glad curtain was loneliness drove me to a relationship that when I was twenty three and I started dating this guy is a scene like that you get idea he liked me I like anything like my spiritual guy around and apply shared a little bit about earlier house in the end I knew this was not a good relationship I knew we're going the wrong direction but I was powerless to stop I just refuse to think about it when he broke up with me I finally die I felt like like I remember just looking at that dead leaves a big enough that that's how I feel I feel like all my doctor ripped out there since this empty dry brittle skin if you stepped on me I questioned that thousand pieces five thousand my sister and in limine the weekends of the breakup and she came back two weeks later he somewhat had continue I lost like ten pounds in two weeks I got stomach ulcers it was agonizing I couldn't even eat I would barely be able to eat one meal a day could hurt charges racked with pain I couldn't leave I was crying all the time the best thing that ever happened to me in the dad through I'm telling you if I contained in that relationship I could never have had the rich fulfilling life and ministry that I have now I thought I would die but I remember God is continually reminding me when you surrender to me I will always give you either did the desires of your heart or something better I can't thank God I really want this relationship back but if you don't want to give it to me and I choose not to pursue it I choose you instead whatever it is that you want from you Lord I can't imagine ever loving anybody else I can't imagine ever being loved by anybody and I feel like my life is over but I choose to believe your word and God was faithful and I promise you no matter what you're going through no matter how lonely you are no matter what breakup you gone through no matter how you feel like you wreck your life by whatever choices you've already made you may feel like well what please now nobody worthwhile whatever want me I promise you God will give me beauty for ashes he will take you in your heart still taking your life and you will say to him whatever it is I am right now Lord whatever I feel I can allow those things to be the cries of my heart that you satisfy tonight your loneliness talks about how you feel talking about whatever is your struggling with those things that are on your heart the crime of your heart are the things that when he satisfies he will never let go of him again because I know you have nothing to live for without Christ and you'll have no purpose in your life without the second step is coming you want to marry the person you want to marry the environment writer starts in the editing with Tony about his native list all the characteristics of his future wife gave me musical hero I like to be beautiful Spanish city and I you know I don't want a laugh I am not a bad idea to make your list you know it is good to have in your mind what the person you want to marry but especially out of a look at what was Jesus like when one thinks of Jesus you appreciate and love native consistency of Ms. faithfulness and that his everlasting love whatever it is that you want to have been a future spouse makes out with the LDAP time make your list I'm not talking about that superficial things but in the real things the things that really matter and then examine yourself are you the person are you a person that you want immunity in a look at your character how much are you like Jesus either areas that you know the Lord need to grind off of you and us to and surrounded us to admit in your personality finally one of the youngest was a time in your life way easier to change and may not be immediately newer for medical anemia delaying any forty four right now is the time that you can experiment with three one of the try new things I think that maybe you don't feel like you're comfortable with maybe why do an art class maybe when it is something that is just totally out-of-the-box beyond not recommending skydiving but understanding and trying things that maybe you want to see if this really mean become a camping person you want to become a writer become what one event that you feel like God is calling you to be modest about what kind of calling D family with a lot of different ministries until I was about twenty one I ministry and I found we that the flat lab this is what I click with this is what I enjoy and I wanted to go into the mission field and be somewhere overseas management realized you know there a lot of mission field but arms overseas maybe I can do more by ministering to young people here and sending them overseas maybe that's a copout it's comfortable to live here in the states and not have to go somewhere else the thing that become the kind of person you want to marry and he called the mission field now the time to find out on your mission trip now figure out where you want to minister or what kind of work you wanted to what what areas of ministry you excel and may need major to be businessmen are treasure or something like that yesterday to be in ministry if you're committed to Christ if your life belongs to the Lord whatever you do is going to be a ministry and as you uncover what ministry you find most fulfilling and he will find normal naturally meeting together with other people who are like-minded in ministry he kind of way they want to spend their spare time this is the time to experiment with what your personality is in changing your personality and a saline just a really moody naturally depressed person that's who I am we can accept that every natural personality has been inborn strength and weaknesses but you don't have to defend the plan you can let God change the water serve others with the author title with me well anyways it's still on satisfying the thirst for mothers find ways that you can be involved in ministry and and give of yourself I had a friend to our member whenever he was lonelier feeling down he would sit down the five pieces of paper and he would write notes of encouragement to other people just drop them in other people 's boxes there something like that he can find a way to reach out forget about himself think about others when you're feeling lonely focus on instead of yourself find remedy else you can minister to and it will fall to the loneliness of your heart we know there are two great commandments love God first I love your neighbor as yourself as you make on the center of your life all other idols will follow away from your heart and energy minister to others it was refilling the second great commandment reaching out and finding love and rich fulfilling relationships with other people will help you be changed into the image of Christ and it will help satisfy the thirst for intimacy with someone now on and hand over to my wonderful husband now but I just still single and satisfied to me are not single so not sure what you just intensely needed Salton 's daughter fitness and so would we take a look at being single and one of the biggest challenges of being single is loneliness right away we chatted a little bit about that but I remember sometimes what I hated being a lonely you when you go to bed and he does like nobody loves you I will subscribe in your roommate walks in and doesn't even say hi I usually will have booths at men and eat any bread of God and that you is like it's blank up it's like I will and doesn't feel like you got to England to the answer the real challenge with how we B Maloney in spite of the fact we have many friends affect some of the most popular people on the most lonely hot people are increasingly busy since Margaret gives a psychologist we become a society where we expect things instantly and don't spend the time it takes a real intimacy with another person forgets that we want we want instant intimacy and so we have to Constable with growing to know another person answered in the society one seventy two solid right away like a tablet the instant intimacy tablets I take this and I will feel great about myself I will feel close in on the person and there is a way you can take the tablets and that's to get involved in a physical relationship with someone else that you will have a hangover on you following me and so if you want to be single and satisfied you can go for the short term solution the statistics are is that between nineteen eighty five and two thousand and six you can see the number of people in close confidence ninety eighty five baby with they had Siu close confidence in two thousand and six it was down to two number of people with no close confidence and ninety eighty five ten percent in two thousand and sixth nineteen percent in other words we are becoming increasingly disconnected from each other so you wonder why you disconnected when you're surrounded by people this is the trend and we have to help each other as a group of people we have to connect we have to be willing to be together with each other the problem is we live in a high-tech high tech society and what that means is for instance in College first year colleges may spend more time in the rooms on the computers chatting to high school friends and interacting with a college friends because back in high school so close you know when the Cantonese will I not together we were just a little group but the reality is now when we should have a broader network was not connected some as we jump into relationship and it's the one person we connect with what happens when you break up he's any discover I don't have any friends because I just had this one person it's not wise so let's deal with breakups because that's the reality now unfortunately I have to be honest I went through six breakups of us do not live in ideas that him as I was searching for something I can just imagine one day Adam sat down before Eve was made with Mister lion he noticed that was the line has Mrs. Linus and so he sits down and Adam says she don't tell me tell me about this relationship thing and was the line says it's gripes Mrs. Linus goes out and catches the fruit she runs she does a lot hard work she catches the food she brings in Hong and I get to eat first as it will develop evidence institutes of a lion they need tell me what what is it that you do what you are wrong he says well I get to sleep you know it takes a lot of energy to think about line essence so I sleep as I eat and I make a little baby lions and Adam Dawes how did you get this like a lioness cases where God gave it to me I need to talk to your I can imagine that many of us have that kind of way of relating self singleness is funny I could have somebody to take care of my needs this sum he could just come in and take care will my needs and so we have this idealistic perception and when we go through a breakup we ought we then look for another person this person did what they did meet all my needs some develop for someone else what would you describe that attitude and dismissed the lines attitudes selfishness and yet that's how we approach life you see we we don't think about ministering to other people with desperate for love now nearly two thirds of Americans between the ages of eighteen and thirty five have experienced a major breakup in the last ten years that has interesting statistics half of the woman's say that he initiated the slips were as on the absolutely transcendent pop and dump them somebody is lying far I've is thirty eight percent of the main site was mutual where zoning twenty eight percent of the woman say it was mutual somebody's lying is not always episodes both of us and so when I when I went to breakups initially breakups are not too bad if you're the one doing the breaking up known until he met if you're the one who makes a decision sometimes it can still be paying folks but when you're in charge and control sometimes you can even be callous I remember breaking up like I had a relationship I broke up with Cisco three-week relationship you don't intense then I had another three-week relationship broke up with with both of them I like this is not going very well in the two of them got together and they wanted to like sing a song to me John Denver perhaps law is like the ocean full of conflict full of pain and significant praise the Lord that ever got to do it is that I wrote I was I had no idea about the pain I'd inflicted on them are you listening ladies beware some guys will like I was they have no concept of what is going on in your life as a result of the breakup they clueless guys are clueless and so suddenly comes to emotions sometimes and so what happens is sometimes we just don't realize and with breakups we carry this could we have no idea what's happened now yes what woman said woman say the number one reason for breakups of infidelity while me and say that it was because they grew up hot well obviously they grew apart to somewhere else physical and this is serious physical and emotional abuse made up twenty five percent of breakups for women compared to just ten percent for men so what it is is that woman are saying we are in challenging relationships over thirty six percent say that they got over there feeling like dating someone else so we have a real challenge you off you may be struggling with being single because of your selfish desire to keep having somebody meet your needs and assumes somebody's out how do we resolve the problem by looking for someone else and I know in my life I went on rebounds fortunately I was often rebuffs praise the Lord for that so how do we deal with our singleness I want to jump through a couple of things to level one we don't have to face the fact that if we known again we will get the tingles you will come up to somebody and you don't use an e-mail to me I just can't believe it my heart just somersaulted might my brain went all mushy and I started quoting poetry and I'm not at all except that is what you do when you get the tingles when you feel the electric shock going down free money when you go to do with the tingles just single that you want to be satisfied but certainly whenever that was walks in the room your radar now you're right on Kenneth knows exactly where they are eased about fifty feet away as the thoughts and so is what you do with that feeling recognize that not everyone you get the tingles for is a person you are supposed to be in a relationship with I meant the skull that I got the tingles for I been single for about a year pray for us and I was just starting to use my singleness and it was during one of those tempting moments when you're away from losing us in Oz relaxing going to the wedding of a free and this was one of her bridesmaids and I got the tingles I've not looked at her and I felt all of those emotions so I was desperate to get to know find out about her it's about heaven singles before even use it does not happen and so the tingles within Anaheim before I knew it I was starting to make moves toward a relationship zoning as I started getting to know that I realize she was a pagan partying and drinking CIA I don't know what other terms to use four hundred cc was somebody who was totally wrong for me dizziness and the sooner relationship with her absolutely not but to have the tingles yes singles on non- assigned that he needed to relationship follow your heart what is the Bible said Jeremiah seventeen was like the hot is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it especially here in Iraq is a way that seems right unto a man but the end thereof are the ways of death so what you said you you you you cock tingle 's purpose and maybe have even real love relationship may be broken up how even a handle these things if you are in a breakup or if you have the tingles have both applies to something them to the town you don't try to be friends with that person don't try to be friends it's not to work if you gone through a breakup friendship after breakfast only you know what we broke up and now with great friends liars because you are still emotionally attached that person you've got to be careful about also being friends with people that you have an interest and will deal with that later don't go on the rebound don't just bounce back to another person who can fill that need use this opportunity instead to do what my wife said what Nicole said to go deeper with God your pain is the opportunity to grow your heart and your character when you're going through a breakup you are closer to God Benjamin Levine how they are funny had it happened to say amen bulimia hello Tori 's cigarette out what went wrong after I broke up with a bill that I dated between a half years I sent my candidates and and so I took suite is away from dating to become satisfied with being single I did figure out what went wrong you know I figured out I had zero emotional intelligence come on guys I very much and didn't know what my problems my relationships because those would say things and I be like what's that you have a wonderful told me that was a single three and a half years she said I don't understand you know why you'd you don't you don't know what's going on in my life she says I'm like an open book then she got a glimpse and ice the problem is you don't know which page I'm on I think in the end index and I know I can handle that something is figure out what went wrong get to understand people figure out if you carry emotional baggage into that relation deal with your baggage don't expect to deal with it in the relationships that fair enough deal with the stuff that comes from your past now even have another problem you are single and sexual you are a sexual being anybody is not a sexual being you may leave right now I have used a single ahead of you sexually and palaces remember that getting married will not mean a sexual free-for-all you are training right now for self-discipline America I just wonder Toby Giscard married and you know they cannot two weeks after he was married he came to have dinner at our house and an easy as iCal ago in Houston you know I kind of expected more fireworks than I expected it to be dollars six to be this you know I I couldn't think about anything else for the next year cut a thing and the reality is that him to you are not done a half these incredible fireworks in and everything else that's not what you should be dreaming of putting your mind on is a false theology out there that says put all of your expectations in the future and make it to be some grand thing I say no put your expectations on God and take a sexuality to God and because he made you that way since problems arrive you can take it to God and NC will deal with that remember six is about giving not getting that's really important six is a ministry didn't want to first is that chastity is not non- sexuality that it that it means a positive approach to relationships with the opposite sex you can start having positive relationships but you need to begin this discipline now what a single to start doing that that means guys and some girls to go to deal with the issue open on if you try do this before we close can we deal with with this issue ninety one percent amantadine exposed to pornography the majority of challenges with the condos be horrified this is a reality of our society why because it's at the click of a button and I know it's what goes through and pornography is a challenge now some people just excuses well you know what we were made to be beautiful and I was made to look on beauty and so it's okay that's a lie what is the Bible say Matthew five is twenty eight whoever looks at upon a woman lustfully it is hot he's already committed adultery pornography is probably the number one reason for poor sexual satisfaction of marriage if you want to be single and satisfied got to deal with the issue of pornography so what even a deer I've got some ABC DEF GH or I'd add that that you are helpless you pornography is so strong that is a single person you are not going to be able to overcome it it's so close it so easy no one will ethanol you can deal with it by yourself and methods are helpless but certainly believe in God 's power to overcome all right so you you have to believe that God can do something about it even though you are helpless is God helpless not at all all right thirdly consists of a set yet access special effects you that if you confess your sin what does that mean be honest about it put it out write it down it this is sent you don't necessarily need to find a priests you know this is not Catholic but find some way of putting it out they decide right now to stop you going to make that decision now if you try to make that decision in the future not going to work all right engage in positive behavior alone how to relate in the right way with the opposite sex because when the real is haunted to see them as a sex object when a real fix your eyes on Jesus put your mind to focus on that what you feed will grow what does that mean you've see your negative sexuality unless that's what will grow but you feed what you're giving to God and that's what's going to grow is your relationship with God what you feed will gross stop the other get out of danger remove the Internet from your computer get covenant eyes if that's what if that can help you get covenant eyes have been on your computer and you know and have someone hold you accountable because you can do this by yourself all right hopefully they got something that's representative Laura I wanted I wanted to steal in this final thing just to wrap things up how do you live life positively what you think is how do you this is a dangerous question how would you feel satisfied single and satisfied how do you feel satisfied okay is if you had to cut it in this group is like no one's gotten single unsatisfied deaths how we got to turn this around how it units and around my wife in an edit what your ministry opportunities get involved it's reach out to people you can sit in your room and say how lonely you are you unit of the guy who wanted the job and he prayed to God give me a job I need a job and Angela did set I have a word from the Lord opened the newspaper and see if you love me what you have to do hello what yesterday did differently make friends you know and then must make himself friendly you must befriend if you want to have friends and so different and you'll is great about singleness is your good friends for life once you get married it's different you can't if you close in the little one you'll sibling us when you single you can do great things you can have friendships and you can bulldoze friendship lasted for life but if you do that stop having friendships with intention stop hanging around people that you are interested in a website if you want French life not just in your whole Trondheim in a lifetime use and we just ran through the visit hang out together and I'll look when it is anyway I can ingratiate myself into the company know you don't make friends grew older than that don't just make friends with one six will be out of make friends with both sexes stop thinking of pink elephants you know what I mean by that but I don't think about pink elephants what you think you think of his right so don't think about relationships and what you think about all you know nothing about non- ago to six because banning myself say what you want to do is stop thinking about the things that are distracting you and instead start thinking about things you can get involved in ministry opportunities consultant visits I don't just don't do that don't do that start living up by the Jews ministry get involved in ministry what are things you can do that when I was single I could go places now I have to take three kids and analyze him that I had felt when we get on a plane we we unlike eighteen pieces of luggage no they don't we almost need a we have to take a bus to get to the plane is when you're single I remember the guys you are you single backpack you're on your way and I can do anything I you come in at midnight no because when you tonight you know this you can this has nothing to do with our personal relationships is that you can I mean you up you have a freedom to do ministries you if you decide to go and sit in the raw attitude to preach the gospel they knows visits you will spend and I were in your body and your body and relax as you just call him so so you has to ministry opportunities celebrate your singleness this is a time and a life that hopefully you'll never have again at him and once it's gone why Jonathan puts God at all what you you can go back to Utah eight zero two into it and I know some days and sometimes people do think you're doing to visit you know I think I like to be single again knowing your marriage is time we would Janice is your time now this is a gift from God God made Adam to be single for a time is it experiences singleness this is for a purpose God wants you to have a book list on the site overall grow grow that's when God wants you to become the person God wants unity and live live live gap in love life stop wondering if only I had that special present data unless you are sending you the type of facility tell you what is not about him like you need to get out there in Lebanon Syria he wasn't I want to be like that singled with somebody because they cannot in my life I got to the point where I said no I don't neither relations it would be nice Lord this be honest it would be nice but I don't need it and I'm having so much fun doing ministry and living my life I'm excited about this and at the point where she was satisfied with being single the call was satisfied with being single I would I was satisfied with being single that was the time we got introduced us to each other because now we were ready but finally gotten what I think you for the gift of singleness it's true that some of us have been through messy breakups and an grappling with those breakups we realize this is the invitation to a deeper relationship with you keep us from going back to get hurt again instead direct us to become the whole healthy high energy deep powerful sure beautiful people that you called us to be with his junk in our lives that the devil has fit us allies from a broken relationships with his junk that makes us feel worthless were asking for you to heal us make us whole again and help us to live for you in Jesus name amen

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