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Shacking Up

David Kim


God wants to be in a committed marriage relationship with each and every of his children, but some of them would rather just shack up.


David Kim

Adventist Business Executive and Co-Founder of the Nicodemus Society


  • October 17, 2015
    11:30 AM
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This is out of a storybook. The young man in the young woman had been dating for some time. Maybe six months or so and it was. It was like a fairy tale. He was tall. Six two not too tall. Not one of those ganglia spaghetti armed people. But well proportioned and chiseled. He had a strong. Chin was a perfect. Dimple. And he had that perfect three day. Stubble. That one that so many young men work so hard to cultivate these days. He was always dressed. Impeccably as if out of the. The pages of G.Q. magazine. And although he was relatively early in his career. He was very promising at work. He was on the fast track. He was getting the promotions and the project on the advancement. And he lived right in the heart of the city. Manhattan where he enjoyed his life. Of youth and strength and vitality and potential. So much potential. And of course there was a young lady. She was beautiful. She was she had beautiful hair. She was a brunette beautiful hair. Straight out of a Pantene commercial. She even if you look just at right the at the right angle with the right light you could see those little golden beads of protein and Vitamin E.. Just coming off of her lock. She was beautiful she was slim but very athletic very athletic. She was she worked out she exercised and you could tell. And she was very smart very smart and she was saving the world. She worked at a very well known prestigious nonprofit organization where she was involved in important projects. That could change lives. And she also lived in the heart of the city. And they had been dating for about six months and things were getting more serious and more serious and. This evening they were at one of the fine restaurants. One that you might look on Yelp and see a rating of four point seven and one of the fine restaurants in Manhattan. And it was a a special day it was their six month anniversary since they had first met. And they knew it was getting more serious but they didn't realize quite how serious are at least she did not realize quite how to how serious. In till after the main course and just before the dessert. He looked deeply into her eyes. Deeply into her eyes. And he popped the question. He said. Will you move in with me. Will you move in with me. It's been about six months. We're getting more serious. It's time to take the next step would you move in with me. Now that may not have been the question that some of your expected. In fact I hope you weren't expecting that question. A man. But you. Some of you may be surprised that I was certainly surprised when I was looking at some of the data about cohabitation. Which is a fancy way of saying. Shacking up. Shacking up. Cohabitation shacking up moving in with someone who is not your spouse has increased over the last fifty years. By over one thousand five hundred percent over one thousand five hundred percent. That means fifteen sixteen times more frequent. Back in one thousand nine hundred sixty. According to the Census Bureau. There are approximately four hundred fifty thousand people who were living together. Out of wedlock. As of two thousand and twelve. That number had increased to nearly eight million. Nearly eight million people. Are you surprised by this. Some yes some no. Yet I was surprised when I looked at the state of. Another survey asked. Women. Asked women between the ages of fifteen and forty four. Between the ages of fifteen and forty four. How many of them had lived with a man. Outside of wedlock. And that percentage was seventy five percent. In other words of the women in our society. Between the ages of fifteen and twenty four at forty four excuse me. Fifteen and forty four three quarters of them had lived with a man. Outside of wedlock. Are you surprised by this data. Answer. Are you surprised. I'm surprised I mean I knew it was out there. But I didn't realize the number would be seventy five percent. That is a high number. And you can also see it with the out of wedlock birth percentage. Because now. Many of these couples. They're not merely living together. But they're having children out of wedlock. And so the percentage of babies born out of wedlock. Most recently studied is over forty percent. That's nearly half of the children born in this through into this country are outside of holy matrimony. So this is not a nice. Boutique practice. This is not merely some hippies. Living out on a commune somewhere. This is mainstream. In fact you could argue that those of us and I pray that you count yourself of this number that those of us who look at this and think what is this world coming to. We are in the decided. Minora T.V.. We are in the minority. But why why does this happen. Why this move why this increase why this adoption of this practice of moving in and not being married. While in the literature that I reviewed in preparing the sermon I saw a number of reasons for many they articulated it as a first step towards marriage as a first step towards marriage. Many many young people and older people frankly. They would express this idea that they've been dating for a while they're pretty serious. They're not quite sure whether they want to go all the way and be committed in holy matrimony. And so they say. Let's take an interim step. And let's move in together. Some will say that this is how you get to know people at that next level. Some will say that well it's economically. More sensible. We can share rent. We can share utility bills. We can. We can share the the grocery bill. And for many. This seems to be a compelling idea. So there's an economic argument. There's also an incremental relationship development argument. One more step towards marriage before making the big commitment. And they say. I want to know if we can really get along. I want to know if we can really be together and make that commitment. One woman who was interviewed for an article on this topic said that she felt. Well I'll say from her point of view because that was what the quotation was she said. I felt like I was on this multimedia or never ending. Audition. To be his wife. I felt like I was on this. Multi-year never ending. Audition. To be his wife. Some say they want to move in rather than get married because they think it will be easier. In the event of divorce. That it will be easier to unwind. That if they get married and then they get divorced wow there's lawyers involved there's money involved there's kids involved and all these things. It would be much easier. If all we had to do was move out. We move in. We move out. Now the reality is that it is getting increasingly complicated. To move out. I have a friend at work who. I didn't I didn't know that he was not married. Because he would talk about his significant other who I presume to be his wife. He talked about his kids. He has three of them. And then I find out one day that he and his partner. Have broken up. And I thought to myself What do you mean you broke up. You mean you got divorced. And he says to me No we were never married. But guess what he has to pay child support. According to the courts. They had to go to negotiate for custody. Sounds a little bit like marriage does our divorce doesn't it. Hopefully doesn't sound like your marriage. So there's a perception that it's less of a commitment and it's easier to own wine but that's actually increasingly not true. One of the biggest reasons that I saw when I reviewed the literature. Was this idea and this was predominately from men. And it was this. I'm getting all the benefits anyway. Why should I take another step. I'm getting all the benefits anyway. She's cooking for me. She's shopping for me. She's doing other stuff for May. Why would I get more in tangled with commitment. In fact there was even a sentiment expressed in in one article that said. As long as we're just boyfriend and girlfriend she can't tell me what to do. But once we're married. I'm going to have to listen to her. It's true. There's an old saying if I can get the milk for free why would I buy the cow. Now ladies I am not calling you calves. It's just the same way but if I can get the milk for free why would I buy the cow. So that was another big reason. And then the last reason that I saw was that. There's really no pressure to get married there's no expectation there's no stigma. There's no nothing. In fact a survey from two thousand and seven. Said that only twenty seven percent of Americans disapprove of living together. Out of wedlock. Only twenty seven percent. So I I found this to be very surprising. I found this to be very surprising. I mean I know people who and once I start doing the research I started thinking. And I realize how prevalent this is but I didn't think about it before. And so if you're anything like me. You may be a little bit surprised even shocked to hear about these prevailing prevalent. Attitudes in our society. Are any of you shocked by this just raise your hand I'd like to see who is shocked by these ideas and these sentiments. Really only like five of your shots. The rest of you thought that this was just normal in the way it is. Let me ask you another question. How many of you think this is the way should be Raise your hands. I don't get any takers on that one. Hala lujah are let me ask you another question. How many of you think that this is wrong. That this attitude is wrong. All right. I'm getting a good response on that praise God. Praise God. So we all agree that. God's plan is not for us to be shacking up. God's plan is for us to be joined. One man one woman one flash. Together in holy matrimony. Til death do we part Amen amen. And interesting way God uses the marriage relationship as an end now edgy. For his relationship with off. Did You Know That. Let's turn to second Corinthians chapter eleven verse two this was our scripture reading this morning. Second Corinthians chapter eleven verse two. It's right after first Corinthians. Second Corinthians Chapter eleven. Verse two. Alright still here pages wrestling which is wonderful because that means you're actually looking at the very same man. Second Corinthians chapter eleven verse two. And Paul writes to the Corinthian church. For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you. To one husband that I may present you as a chaste virgin. To Christ. Paul is putting himself in in this analogies putting himself in the role of a matchmaker. We all know those people in our life right the ones who are always trying to be matchmakers. Paul is putting himself in the role of a matchmaker. Saying I've brought you to Jesus Christ as a chaste virgin. So that you can be married together. Committed one body. One flesh until death do you part. Amen. The Bible clearly uses the marriage relationship. As an analogy for how we should be committed to God that is his plan. And specifically God actuates is planned through. Baptism. Let's turn to a Fijian. Just turn over a few more books. To a Fijian. Chapter five. And all start and verse twenty five. The fusions chapter five. Verse twenty five. The fusions chapter five years twenty five and Paul writes to the a fusion church husbands. Love your wives. Just as Christ. Also love the church and gave Himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water. By the word that he might present her to himself. A glorious church. Not having spot or wrinkle. Or any such thing. But that she should be holy and without blemish washing. This is what Paul is talking about baptism. That there is a commitment. And that it is actuated in the. The act of baptism. Baptism. And so God wants all of us. Each and every one of us to be married to him. One Flesh. One commitment. Solid commitment. Total commitment. This is what God wants. With each one of us with each one of us. Yet I fear that some of us don't want to be married to God. But we'd rather just shack up with him. I fear that some of us don't want to take that next step and be committed to the Lord. But we'd rather just live with him. Some of us may just view. Our spiritual walk as incremental steps and some day I will commit my life to cries all start by coming to church once in awhile. Whenever I can make it. And I praise the Lord every time you can make it. And some might say well you know what instead of just coming to the service. I might stay for Sabbath school now because I'm feeling more comfortable. A little bit more committed. And some might say Well I think I'm ready to bring something to potluck. That's that next level of commitment for you. But we view our spiritual walk. As these incremental steps toward commitment to Christ. And sanctification is the work of a lifetime. Amen. We are transformed over time. Day by day from face to face and from glory to glory. No argument there. But that transformation. Starts that true transformation starts. Once you've committed your life to Christ. And some of us haven't even gotten there yet but we're taking incremental steps. Or what we think are incremental increases. Of commitment towards that day in the future. Yet the future never seems to come. Some of us might be just testing God. I'll give this god thing a try. I'll give it a shot. I might even pray once in a while and we put God through a multimillionaire. Never ending. Audition. Before we're willing to commit to him. Yeah. I'll accept this part but I won't accept that part until some future time when I've studied that out which for some reason I never study and so I never actually get to the bottom of it. And so in the meanwhile I will just sit here and put God on audition. Have mercy. Some of us don't want to commit because we think that it would be easier to UN winded. If I'm not committed. As long as I'm not committed. And I'm not baptized. I can walk away. No harm no foul. And so because you don't want that commitment and you think you're of oiling some sort of entanglement. You decide you're going to shack up. Rather than be married to Christ. And some people say that if you get the milk for free. Why. I can come to church. I can hear a good sermon. I can say hello to the people shake some hands. Hug some people kiss them baby. I can have a good fellowship lunch. Free food never hurt. I can have some people pray for me if I've got something going on in my life. And these are all good things. Praise the Lord. You want God to help you want to be involved in with God. You want to help. You want all the benefits. You want all the goodies but you would never take god home to your parents. And you certainly wouldn't want to wake up next to him the next day. If you can get the milk for free why buy the cow. And some of your taking that some of you may be taking that. That attitude towards And some of you don't want to commit and get married because as long as I'm not committed to God. He can't tell me what to do. If I get committed to God I have to listen to him. But as long as I'm not committed to God I can pick and choose. I can do what I want to do. And the stuff I don't want to do I don't have to do. You don't want God nagging at you. Who wants a nagging God in your life. And some of you take that attitude. And some of us find it very easy to be in this place because there is no societal expectation that you'd have a relationship with God. No societal expectation. And the idea shacking up with God seems just fine because frankly. Most people are doing that most people are doing that. So you're just the same. So what's the big deal. It's easy to take this attitude. But unfortunately. God does not shack up. Yes someone should have sent a man to that God does not shack up. God wants to be married to you. God wants to be committed with you. He wants to be a one on one personal relationship with you in love. God is the inventor of love. Yet we take this attitude. And unfortunately that is not a sustainable position. You can't be there forever. Let's turn to John chapter three verse five. John chapter three verse five. This is Jesus talking to Nick of demons in secret. At night at the garden. John chapter three verse five and. Jesus answered saying. Most assuredly I say to you unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter the Kingdom of God God will not shack up with you. And that is not a sustainable position because you will not enter the Kingdom of God. Let's turn to Acts chapter two actually or to use. Verse thirty seven. This is actually after two verse thirty seven. This is when Peter had preached a sermon at Pentecost. And the people were responding to him. Actually after two verse thirty seven. And it reads. Now when they had heard this. They were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the rest of the Apostles. Men and brother in. What shall we do. Then Peter said to them. Repent and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirits. What did Peter tell them to do. To repent and be baptized baptized. Committed. Married to God. Married to God. You cannot shack up with God. You can't just live with God. You can't just put him on a multi-year never ending audition. It will not end well for you. And it is easy for us to cruise through life thinking. I can put it off. I can deal with it tomorrow. But we cannot. Let's turn to James Chapter four world. James Chapter four. In the back after he brews. James Chapter four. Verse thirteen and fourteen. James Chapter four verse thirteen and fourteen and James writes. Come now you who say Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city. Spend a year there buy and sell I make a profit. Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life. It is even a vapor. That appears for a little time and then vanishes away. We are but dust. We are but vapor. We're not even promised our next breath. Our lives can change in an instant. And the idea. The idea that we can just put this off in till some convenient time in the future that never comes. Is simply foolishness. On its face. Simply foolishness. On its face. But society doesn't expected of us. And it is so easy for us to just float through life. Not being committed. Just shacking up thinking that we can receive the milk without buying the cow. Putting God on a multi-year never ending audition. We think that's OK because no one's telling us it's not OK we're brothers and sisters this morning. I'm here to tell you that this is not OK. This is not OK. God created you. He formed you from the dust. He knew you before he formed you in the womb. He knew your name and who you would be. He saw you as He created you. We can't see that now because we're so covered in sin. But God sees a for who we are and who he wants to us to be and who he can make us be who he can transform us into. He knows everything about you. He redeemed you. He sent Jesus Christ. His only son to come and suffer and die for you to pay the penalty for sin so that you would have to yet. Some of us in this room. Have not committed to him. We're just trying to shack up. We're just trying to live with him. We're trying not to commit. We're trying to just take incremental steps. Little by little. But not fully embrace our Lord and Savior that's what we're trying to do. And I'm here to tell you this morning. This will not work. This will not stand. You won't this is not a sustainable position. This will end badly for you but it don't you. And even worse for God because He loves you he gave it all for you. But he will he's done everything in his power for you but there is one thing he will not do. He will not force you. He will not force you. He will not force you. You must choose. You must choose. You must choose whether you are willing to give your life. To the one who is on the potential knows everything on the ship sees everything. Who love you more than you love yourself. And has your eternal best interest at heart. He doesn't care about the next day. I mean he does care about it but his focus is not what happens tomorrow or what happens in your next job or your next career move or your next piece of education or. That's not he is focused on your eternal best interests. Everything he does. If you will only and trust yourself to him. He will carry you through with the and outcome of eternal life. And fellowship in his direct present for all eternity. What could be better than that for others. So some of us haven't shacking up with God. You've been attending church. You've been enjoying the fellowship. You've been drinking the milk. But you have not bought the cow. Some of us have not made this commitment. And I am inviting you this morning. If you have not given your life to Christ. If you have not been baptized into His body. I would ask you to come forward. I would add. If you to come forward to say that you would like to prepare for baptism. There's someone here who has not been baptized. Who has not given their life to Christ who need to do this and I'm imploring you to come forward and give yourself to Jesus. Prepare for baptism. You may have question. There may be things that you don't know yet. Come forward because we will prepare you for battle. We will study the scriptures. We will fellowship we will pray. Someone here has not given their life to Christ. And they need to Christ is waiting for you. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Come come for or God our Father. You look down upon us. And you see each and every person up. Some of us are here because we want to be married to you for the very first and only time. And I praise the Lord for the Lord I pray that your Holy Spirit would leading guide. Each and every one of these individuals. Towards that commitment with you in lore. There are some of us here. Because we recognize that we are in loveless marriages that we've given our heart to you. One point. But we've fallen away. And that we are lukewarm. Lord I want to thank you for that honesty. I want to thank you for that that person. Those people of courage in coming forward. Lord I pray for revival in their heart. And I pray that we would gather around them as a church. To support their development through programs for services through Sabbath school. Through small group ministry. Or let us not lose a single one. And Lord some of us have come up here because we are living the abundant life in Christ. And I praise the Lord and I thank you for each and every And Lord I pray that you would pour out an additional measure of the Holy Spirit upon each and every person. Because say it out as a roaring lion. Seeking whom he may devour. And Lord we cannot take anything for granted. We need to put on the full armor of God every day every morning in prayer and devotion. Lest we slip and fall. Yet we know more that even then you will lift us up if only we will give ourselves tonight. Thank you Lord for these people and Lord. There are some of us who have not come up. We are not making a first decision. We're not making a decision for revival. Yet we do not enjoy the abundant life in Christ. I don't know where there are those people hearts are at war. You do. I don't know why they don't count themselves in either one of any of these groups. But you do. The Lord. Impressed upon each and every one of our hearts. Whether seated or kneeling in front. There is no middle ground. There is no taking one more step. That is going to get us into a relationship with the Lord. We need to make a commitment. It's fine if we need to learn more. And we need to learn more. But how many of us are thinking we need to learn more yet doing nothing about it. Lord have mercy. So Lord you know. You know each and every person. And Lord if there's someone there someone who should be up here. Who is not. You know. And I pray that the Holy Spirit would not let them alone until they give their hardship until they make that decision. You can do everything for us except for one thing and that is you will not force. Us we must choose. And so Lord I pray that anyone here who needs to make that affirmative choice to be in holy matrimony with Jesus. That they will make that choice. Today. Or at some point before they die or at some point before Jesus comes again. Jesus is coming soon. You're looking for each and every one of us for. We thank you for your mercy. And your great praise you and we pray. This question. This media was brought to you by audio person a Web site dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio. And much more. If you would like to know more about audio verse or you would like to listen to more sermon. Leave visit. W W W dot. Audio verse. Dot org.


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