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Father of the Fatherless

Dean Cullinane
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Dean Cullinane

Theology student at Weimar College.

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Recorded

  • February 3, 2017
    7:00 PM
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Father in heaven. Lord all of us here gathered this evening have sinned against you and against heaven and father we are not worthy to be called your daughters or your son's father your son will forever be worthy to be called our Savior. And so we ask that it is he and not me that speaks this evening in Jesus mighty name. OK Happy Sabbath. It's good to be here. It occurs about seven maybe seven and a half hours to come to drive down from from North California and one point we thought this is going to take way too long. We're going to get here. Maybe seven thirty and we had a really cool experience or at least I thought we did we just started singing as the sun set. We took out a hymn books on our phones and were just praising the Lord and before we knew it. There was no traffic and we were here maybe a minute or two. But maybe my watch as a door fast. So as I said My name is Dean Co name. I was born in one thousand nine hundred one and some twenty five years old. I recently shaved before I looked about forty five years old and I was born in the Republic of Ireland in a city called Go away and I left go away in the year one thousand nine hundred nine with my mother and with my younger brother. And we moved to London. And I stayed in London until I moved here to we mark or to California January first. Last year so hence why the accent is slightly jumbled up. But I want to share with you the story of how the Lord won my heart and how he managed to come to where I am and and reach me and changed my life completely. And a lot of that started when I'd finished secondary school so we finished school in the U.K. One was sixteen years old. And then after that education is optional and I had done pretty well at school. My grades were were good enough to for me to be able to choose where I was going to study next. I wanted to go into investigative journalism I liked to write I still like to write and another opportunity had opened up during that summer I was making these decisions to go to a football academy. And I thought well I mean the real football or the circular one not the egg shaped thing that you guys throw with your hand and call if I'm not going to go. They're going to go to so so I I ended up deciding to go to this football academy and put my educational studies to the side. And just focus on sports. And is what I want to do this. What I dreamed of doing as a child I wanted to be a football player or to help you visualize it a soccer player and I remember starting there and everything was going so well and about two or three months into my experience there I was maybe sixteen years old I tore one of my cord quadriceps. And that meant that I couldn't really do any strenuous physical activity for maybe about four months. Now four months is a long time when you're talking about sports season and I had to regularly in fact every day of the week boss Sunday. I had to go to the physiotherapist there at a forward Academy and he would do some gamma ray technology kind of thing on me and then I would have to stay and sit and watch all of my fellow teammates train for the whole day and I had to attend all of their matches and it was it was excruciatingly painful mentally not just physically and I got I got really I want to say really depressed because I'm only twenty five. I was maybe as depressed as I could have been at that time for someone my age and with someone that had the life experiences that I have had. And it was at that age about seventeen years old now where I got involved with. A young lady and this was my first maybe serious relationship. It didn't last too long it lasted about six months but six months when you're seventeen years old. That's a long time. People get married and divorced in six months. Right. So this was serious. This was a life changing relationship that was taking place. And you know I like the girl and we got together and. Life happens. That's the best way to put it. And I found out the more I got into the deeper I got into the relationship with her that she had a few issues that I wasn't capable of of sorting out you know how sometimes when you come into someone's life you think you can fix all their problems. I try. But neglected my own problems and tried fixing someone else's and it just wasn't happening. It turns out that she had really severe how to put this politely. Inside she was kind of in secure and she had good reason to be when she was but a young girl. Her mother committed suicide and left a note you know a suicide note. Left a suicide note. But in that note she only mentioned how much she loved her little sister. And she didn't mention her and so as you can imagine she she had some security issues from that and the relationship went places that I wasn't willing to go or it required someone that I wasn't willing to be. And so I stepped away from that but this time I was are so that the football academy and I was still do my thing and again another injury struck me and I wasn't playing for about another four or five months again and things somehow got worse. The academy that I was that. They paid for my college on the site. And so we. Study some sort of science. I was studying biomedical science physiotherapy nutrition. And so they were paying this. And in order to progress to the academy to the point where you're getting paid to be a player. You needed to graduate from the school it was like a working relationship between the two and it came to the final semester of my school in the way the schools run was a little bit strange in that all of the work for the whole semester would be handed in on the last day of school so I handed in throughout the semester is handed right at the end you can you bring this big portfolio and that's marked and you get your results maybe a month or two later. Now what had happened was a week before the last semester my house was burgled. Someone broke or let me step back two weeks before that my house was broke. But the people that came in they didn't take anything. I remember the police officer coming to my house after I called them came in he said he said it doesn't seem they took anything he said don't worry. Because nobody is dumb enough to come to the same house a second time. And I thought he's got a point. He's got a point one week later that person decided to come back and they took everything and when I say what I want to say everything and anything that would fit out the front door. We've got small front doors in him and anything that would fit out the front door they would take it. They took it in fact my first my first thought was my schoolwork I need my schoolwork and so I ran upstairs I saw that my computer not my laptop my computer my desktop my harddrive and my screen and my mouse and my keyboard everything was taken. So just I know that I have her back up. I went under my mattress to get my hard drive and that too was gone. That too was gone. Turns out that the person that took our things actually knew us pretty well. And so I remember going to school and I told him I said Look my house has been burgled. I don't have any work to hand in this semester and. The simple response was tough tough and I said OK OK maybe you don't believe me members think you know teachers dontcha students these days. Maybe they do hit it in my school most of time and so I thought you know I'm going to do I'm going to get one of those crime reports from the police. So I got the crime report the crime reference number but I was like Look my house was actually better but I was telling the truth and I said no we believed you. The first time just nothing's going to happen if you don't have work to to hand then then you're not progressing. So I ended up being kicked out of the college the football academy told me that I could no longer the soccer academy told me I could no longer continue. And I was at home and I had all of these all of these prospects all of these dreams and ideas see my name in lights and being this person and everyone knew my name and everyone knew where I was from and what I was doing I was making a lot of money I had had a lifestyle that people only dream of not adventures adventures on Dream of those last. But there was everything taken no prospects. No job opportunities norm wanted to employ me I hadn't got any college grades. Nor for the kind of you would take me because I didn't progress from one that wasn't even that great in the first place. And. Life just started to spiral spiral down continuously every time I thought I reached the bottom. I had and I found myself in a doc lace around this time my my ex-girlfriend now. She was trying to get in contact with me. Constantly calling and texting and one night she text me so I'm going to call you. I didn't respond and then she called I was surprised we hadn't spoken in months and she called me and she said Dean. I'm in night bridge and Knightsbridge is a very nice area in London and you never heard of Harrods. Huge shopping center beautiful beautiful. She I mean nice but she or she owned a room in the hotel there. I said OK that's nice. And she said I'm sitting on the window. So OK OK good. That's fresh air. All right. That's good news start. And then she said I'm going to give you a choice you can take me back or I'm going to jump out the window and I thought about it for a few seconds and I said OK jump. Phone went dead and. I'm telling you this because I want you to understand where my mind was where God had to go to get me. I didn't think about it when the form and it. The four were dead and I went to sleep and I stepped better than I stepped in a long time and I woke up the next morning and I didn't even remember it didn't even cross my mind not even once. In fact three days went by before I thought the whole door that was the last thing I heard and I sat down and I I tried to contemplate. The kind of person that I've become my mother raised me by herself and she raised me you know to respect people and to have good values not in a religious way we were brought up Roman Catholic but no real religious persuasion. And I sat down and I thought a young lady might not be alive because I don't care. I looked as I was looking down into my ground I saw my dresser to the left. Where I kept my socks where I was hiding drugs from my friends. I looked over to my little brother who was in the bed right next to mine thinking what kind of influence my having on this guy's life docs thoughts. I went I lived on the forty. Floor see another we don't have much space we just go up there on the fourteenth floor and I found myself sitting at my window. Looking down scared to death of heights by the way but looking down thinking to myself why not like if I choose not to what am I one of my game. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. I wasn't even brave enough to make that decision. I had zero willpower. Not that is brave to take your own life. I'm not saying that I'm just saying that I just sat there because I was so down I was so depressed I was so I was so out of touch with reality that I just sat there aimlessly gazing into the stars. I remember just going and sitting in my buffed up. No water just in the bus stop. It was at that time for the first time in my life that I prayed and I didn't know it was pray I said God. I don't even know if you're there. I don't even know if that's your name. Man I need help. If there is someone there. I need help. I got out of the bottom of mentioning I went downstairs went on to my computer got a new one and I went on Facebook kind of your Facebook here. None of you are a few. A few on right just like myself. And so I went on Facebook and for those of you that are familiar with it. You know the chat box down in the right hand corner you click and then all the names come up and you can choose someone that you want instant message. So looking through those names. I see the name of someone that I actually know which is rare of Facebook. At least for me to. I have someone that that I actually know my whoa OK so I could turn this person. Now when I was much younger I was about fifteen years old. It was it was a girl by the way fifteen years old. I was in a relationship with this girl and she was thirteen years old. We were super young right. You guys are like there was no relationship no no to fifteen and thirteen year olds that was close to marriage you get legally right. And so I messaged her and I don't know maybe the young people can relate to this a little more a message and I was like hate and she just responded. Hey. OK I was expecting that it's going smoothly right now. I said how will you guess what she said. I'm fine and then what does she say. How are you. I said I'm fine. And then what do you say where does the conversation go do you talk about the weather. It's eleven thirty P.M. everywheres dock. Where the conversation just normally it dies right there. But then she said Hey I'll call you. I said all K. but the conversation doesn't normally go there. OK you can call me give her my number. She told me she was calling me because her dad wanted to use the computer and I was like I didn't I didn't I didn't buy that. And so she said that she would call me as I go OK maybe he is maybe using the computer. And she calls me. And I spoke to her from maybe eleven thirty P.M. right through to ten A.M. in the morning. Long conversation likely phone bills were a little bit cheaper back then and you know in the whole conversation she didn't say anything other than the you know. Wow Wow That's the. I'm just I'm just I'm loading under Speaker was getting all of those it's all coming off my chest and here. Why this happened to me and then this happened to me and I've done this and I've done that and this is where Wow OK eleven hours on the phone. I remember when I remember I remember my little brother waking up to go to school and I pretended I was there was Steven he was shaking like the Wake up wake up I understand that. To say can like I'm asleep leave me alone and I can still hear that static through the phone like and you know he said are you if you are free and I'm of the free at the same time then then let's get together. You know let's go out. Let's do something and that happened again this conversation is going to place that didn't think it was going to go and we ended up going out. We watched a super lame movie super lame. I'm going to tell you what it is because that will give it too much glory just by saying it's named Sue Poling. And after that movie you know. We talked about getting back together and you know this was this was three years later. Three years later. So we met we were fifteen and thirteen and three years later we're meeting again. And we tried to keep it a secret from her parents. The same way we tried to keep it a secret from our parents the first time. Now I'll just say you guys know if you have to get our ready that doesn't work said to you why it doesn't work. I figured it out. There's angels. That specifically tell parents what their children are doing on social when I found that out I was like ah. It makes sense because there's no other way. There's no other logical conclusion as to why they were able to find out everything. So the first time we tried to keep it from our parents and it didn't happen after like a month or two it was only three months long but also about a month or two her dad finds out and I remember I was talking to home one day from school. Dropping I don't have a car walked home. And I saw him the door open and I saw him come out the door and I was like whoa whoa no. And I said OK I'm going to see you tomorrow and turn around and I see this man run out the door and he runs into his car this big red car and starts driving off to me Come sprinting I'm sprinting all down the roads or the back roads I knew the area well and eventually I lost him. And that's one of the reasons why I'm still here today. But three years later three years later he finds out after one month to a month and he calls me he did he call and I maybe she called me and told me that he found it anyways. She said she said he wants to meet you. And now one nineteen years old father wants to meet me I can do that. I'm a man. All right. When I was when I was fifteen sixteen. I ran that's in the past you know I'm the man. Right now I can stand up for my OWN THIS IS ON MY T.L. me and my me and today. She's like OK as a cool. OK. So I go there. I'm sitting down to try and paint the picture. Right. So the room is not big like I said small houses we just build up. So there's a small living room. And then there's one of these not even like one of these stalls just here by the piano but kind of just dead they like music. And then there's a a sofa here two seats or so for here two seater. And then there's there's over here there's my girlfriend. And her mum. And then over here is her dad and her older sister and I I'm just here. I'm just here cornered. So a bit difficult to maneuver my way out of that situation. One of the hardest parts was the fact that they didn't speak English and so everything just sounded aggressive. Probably because everything was aggressive. But I just remember her mum sitting down and just just. Wheeling and crying almost that you know how wonderful daughter was was was going to get with someone like me. And then her dad said something that blew my mind. So it's over the blew my mind he said this If you want my blessing to be with my daughter. I want you to go to church with her just once I thought to myself. Merry Christmas. Once just once you just want me to go once now here's a think things got lost in translation. He didn't really mean that but that's what he said he with me so I was like I'm taken and taken out of both hands was the next time you going to church Friday night. Like it's kind of strange. Not Sunday morning. You know Friday night Mike. I work with it. I just have to go once Friday night comes. We're going to this program in this this Seventh Day Adventist Church. OK sounds interesting. I go to this program anyone here ever seen. The movie Sister Act and you guys don't watch movies obviously but maybe maybe maybe before you met Christ maybe you. You watch just act anyone ever was just act will be Goldberg are you guys don't know who she is but you know she was one of the main characters. Right. So some of you are familiar. So you know what it's kind of like when they really get into the music right there a little bit excited just a little and a little excited. And and that's kind of what church was like that night for extravagant very dancey and praise Ian there was this one go behind me really really annoying me just riffs off the riffs off the riffs and you know the record that you pick these things up. And and eventually. They put all the music to the side and there's a testimony section this old lady stands up she's in the middle of of the seating area. She stands up she's maybe this tall. And she says you know church you know how I've been struggling with cancer. While I prayed. And the Lord took away my cancer. And I was like What. No you didn't. No way he just he just took your country like that. Next lady maybe four seats down she said of his and church. You know how I have been unemployed for the past. However many days and months and years. I said yes well I run out of money completely and I needed to feed my children and I was walking home one day and there was fifty pounds and I just found the fifty pounds I was able to to pay for my children's food and we we ate and this was like a man on a new year and I'm like it's a it's a trap. It's a trap. They brought me here on the Friday night and they going to give me all of these extravagant stories to try and trick me into continuously you know joining their church so if I ever don't have money the mood will give me fifty pounds and if I ever get cancer I just pray and he'll take it away. I was like I know you guys figured you out and it's not even one night finished year. I swear just to be here for one night last as the morning. As a man he is playing the keys. He's sitting up in the corner slightly elevated. Dark in there some light shining through right on I'm crazy and he gives a testimony about his work. He's a computer software engineer and he's going he's he's you know freelance he goes from company to company to fix their software and he goes into this place and he has one week to fix all of their machines and so he's fixing his trans Hardy car and he's working throughout the week and everyone's waiting for him to finish his job and they get to Friday night and the sun starting to set and he says I had to make a decision because I hadn't finished. Either I'm going to finish my work so I can get paid or I'm going to go home with everything unfinished and trust that the Lord is going to do something because I don't want to break his Sabbath. Now I'm thinking easy decision. Finish your job. Go home. Get your money feed your wife and your newborn son do the right thing. Not disguise. Skies like so I went home and I'm like. He went home and waiting for the funeral arrangements for wife and child he went home so he went home. So we're home to his wife explain the situation and he said that all she said was let's pray and he sank the Lord for praying wife. He said he went in. On Sunday morning when it was due to be opened and there was open. And he sees the manager in the manager catches a glimpse and walks up to him fiercely and and at a pace and meets him almost and also knows and has surf we have a problem with our computers again you're going to the first one that we call hands him a check gave him a little bit extra as well. And I was like wall. Let me tell you why lady that got cured of cancer fantastic amazing lady that found fifty pounds not great but both of them sound pretty good right now. This guy in my eyes doesn't sound like a hero. I withdrew because the way that I'm looking at it from a non-religious standpoint he left his family he didn't provide but he went home with face and I thought there's no reason for him to lie about that because he doesn't look good from it. Cancer lady and money lady they look good but he doesn't look good with this story. That perked an interest and interest that I never thought would would be there in my life and so I said to myself I said this I said that that sounds cool but maybe there's a way around it. Maybe something happened. I don't know maybe his twin brother went in fix it up. I don't know. I was like I need to know. I need to be sure that God isn't real. I need to I need it because right now I just think it was me when I think he's not real but I need to be sure that he's not real. So everyone's telling me hey you know God revealed himself through his work. OK cool. Let me buy one of those. So I buy this word on Amazon cheapest want to could find King James version they told me you can only read King James Version. So I'm sitting down by my letterbox that's a box you guys have little boxes you know they like. Holes in the in the door where they put the post because we don't leave our poles outside because important things going down. We want them to come into the house and outside the house right. So I'm sitting down. I'm sitting on the stairs right by the letter box and I'm waiting a whole day goes by doesn't come up and it was due to come that day and another day goes by and it doesn't come third day now. My manager told me when I started working. If you miss three days and I don't hear from you don't come back served them sitting down like I could do it gets to like eleven I start work at ten and I start to hear footsteps. Sure enough there's a box opens in comes this rectangular rock on to the floor. So I take and run upstairs. I put under my pillow I run to work they do manage to keep let me keep my job. Let me keep it and one think about how they need to get home and make sure that God isn't real. So I get home. And I had to wait to relate. I had to wait till about eleven thirty when everyone in my house was asleep because you don't rebuy I was in my house. Are you with me. Now not when we went to church. We had someone to do that for us. You don't need to read the Bible anything that you need to know from there. That man with the nice white collar he's going to tell you. So which is everyone was asleep at my bed covers pulled him over my head took out this Bible put on this book like OK what's the first book called Genesis like I don't believe or don't believe creation and we just go to the first the first part right here about this guy Jesus this got to go to Matthew. Reading every three Matthew Matthew. Why are we to mark through Luke three through John and thinking This doesn't make sense and let me tell you why I didn't think it made sense because I'm thinking if this is God and this is how. God wants to reveal Himself to His creation then why has he given us a book where everyone just messes up. Why is he giving us a book where every single person fails any toss they're given they can't do it. Just one guy. One guy gets it right every time. But everyone else messes up and I'm thinking you know if this was fabricated then everything would look beautiful and everything would be great and he would be accepted and he would be loved and he would be taken in and he be made to be exactly what he deserves to be but no one likes him. I want to know more about this guy was Jesus. Some time went by and there was an evangelistic campaign taking place. Maybe about ten miles from where I live ten miles is big in London the whole thing's like maybe twenty five miles long. And I get invited to this campaign. It's called something like I want to go to heaven or when we all get to heaven something like two young men two young men from London preaching night in night out every night and I don't even get this get this. I don't know what they're talking about. I don't understand the subject material. I don't know all the difference between the holy place and the most holy place. I don't know where the New Testament starts where the Old Testament begins understood listening to them and I'm not understanding a word they're saying not because this speaking in a different language but because I was so captivated by the passion that they had also called on you tell me that this twenty three year olds and twenty four year olds here in London that believe that thing is real that believe that that book is inspired that believe that God that his son came and died for us as young people that believe that I don't care what they had to say they believed it was like wow wow. In today's world to young men but leave. What's in that book. So I went to another company. This was a little bit closer in west London church called Chizik and I'm there. This lady female pastor comes over from the U.S. pastor Paul I believe she studied up. She comes over. The state could preach. So you could preach. I was understanding one week goes into the campaign. She makes altar call and I'm just like yes I'm coming up because everyone else is coming up you know so when there was a time when we sat down and listened and now there's a time when we just go up so I just walk up. She's like if anyone wants to be baptized at the end of this campaign and just raise your hand and I'm just like. I know what that means she prayed for like a minute at the end of the prayer. I opened my eyes and I saw this. And I was like. Elders come up here like OK Fill out this card like getting baptized. Cool. I'm going to back to asked. I go all I say mommy to speak to you this time she's remarried. And I bring her into the front room with my step that I sat down and I'm understanding one making the decision that I'm making I said I see a month. This is a course for me to tell you I'm getting baptized and she said no you're not. And I said and you actually say this and thinking this in my mind I look well if I wrote that down. That would've had a question mark at the end. It would be an exclamation mark. It wasn't I wasn't asking it was it was a. Statement of intent. I with me. No no but I am getting baptized. She said no you're not you're Catholic I said. No really. I was going to say neither are you by then at the end of that conversation our conversation last like an hour she said. So what am I one of my wearing to this baptism and I was like The Lord is working. The Lord is working the following week that following week I was baptized. All previously maybe a month or two before that I was having bible study US with my girlfriend and her sister she was she was taking me through the books of Daniel and Revelation. Showing me the prophecies of Daniel to the prophecies of Daniel seven and Daniel nine saw me that I didn't need to take a leap of faith that I could see that everything was just as God said it would be. And the facts were there that the geography back it up or the history backed it up that it was right. Dead. Remember we built a sanctuary. You know out of house materials we built a century we walked through the kind of salvation. This is what I need in my life. So one week later one week later I'm baptized. And baptized and. You know when they see. Oh now you're back ties people you know you know after the baktun everyone comes up because I want has advice right. Everyone's been through the trenches so I have to share my experience I can't leave without telling you what I've done. So people come up to come up and the like brother. For the Dean that was my new name one heard of that name brother Dean like. OK but the Dean I can work with that brother Dean you can have a honeymoon period and I'm like. I got baptized not married. But OK what do you. Well there's going to be a short period of time where you know everything's going to seem great but then the demos can come. And the devil is going to tend to he's going to try and bring you back to your old life. So who all right thanks for the warning. For the heads up. I didn't get a honeymoon period. A soon as I left church. I got a text from my parents angry as anything you've ever seen before. Distraught with the decision that I made my mom was there by the way to win the bet and she cried as I was dipped into the water when she got home. Things didn't say stay that way. No honeymoon period straight into the trenches. The devil came straight on the attack and I was like it doesn't matter. I can get through this Christ can get me through this. He's given me a rock that rock was my goal from sitting with her all the time but that work was soon going to be taken away. Because as I said her parents my parents weren't too happy that I got converted. Because they stay saw that I got converted so that I would be with her in think it was genuine. And so they sent her to Brazil. You know Brazil like Brazil. Not not for you guys like of Brazil not far just like Brazil. Sense of their to go to uni then tell of their first by the way come again. Ogle you know you're from there. Get in touch of your culture. You know spend time with the rest of your family what sounds good. Brazil buys good weather when to get there by the way you going to stay and you know just just do studying things and get degrees and get a good life. That's what you need. And I'm in London by my. Just me and Jesus. Like Saul. What do I do. Do I have to go to the same church every week. Is it wrong if maybe I sleep in on a Saturday in a school like. How do I do this. How do I move on my way through this Christian life what is what is a Christian life look like to do I do the baptism thing and then it's like it you know see you in the kingdom brother Dean had to make a decision. Two weeks after I was about to make a decision. I thought I'm going to do this and I'm going to do it properly. I'm going to leave the meeting now is not the time for us to be playing games. You know that now is not the time for us to be you know I attend church who cares. God doesn't want an Adventist on the seventh day he wants a Christian seven days a week so I have to make a decision. I'm going to live for this guy that I believe are saving my life I'm going to just play church because I'm not about that. Following week. One of the guys that was preaching during that first campaign when the young men he called me up in fact I was on that was on the day about his and he said Hey Dean what are you up to. I said Ah brother Sean you know brother Sean. I'm catching up. Brother Sean I would back ties today. Yeah. Listen I want you to give your testimony at this event and I'm planning. I was like sure Brother sure I'll do that now. So you know disclaimer. I didn't realise that if you're a Christian that you could say no. No one told me that I just saw Christian. Yes I say yes if someone needs help. How do if someone asks you to do something you just do it. So it's like I need you to do this has the money. Well the song. Of course I'm getting there was eighteenth of debts of December two thousand and two. Then the Tory of London but Victorian London in Victorian London. And I get to this place small dog like a small dogs and walk in and I'm going downstairs I go downstairs. And there's a girl there and she's leaning on the table table's a bit short in this maybe like here. And over in the corner there's a circle of people singing doing musical things you know. Harmonies and all torn tenor and. Blah blah blah blah blah. And so then they're doing all this thing and I was like OK I don't even know how you do that kind of call but I see this go. Who's not over there but right next to me and she's leaning on the table. And she's just gazing off somewhere and I'm like hi. And she's like. Strange and I can hear and I could hear a sound like as if someone's phone was vibrating and I looked on the table and it was her hands which is I was like you know I was like OK And then I start to get nervous because she was nervous and I don't know why she was nervous she wasn't telling me what she was nervous as people over there doing crazy things with their voice and understanding me like where am I. Guy comes down the stairs and I hope everyone will have you up says now and so the whatever you call them the choir or the praise team praise you Christine. Go up and then this girl walked ahead of me you're kind of vibrates her way up the stairs and then I'm looking behind her semi vibration because I don't really know what's happening. I get up there. I see this massive platform mass like like about as long as the with of this room. Wow there's like a microphone off the microphone off to my course so I'm standing like here. And I'm looking at the clock and thinking oh it's. Those people there with a good talk and then there's a guy in the corner with the drums and he has you know the big shooter on the drums in case the drunk guy kills you. And I says just to protect everyone and then and I was like wow these these. I'm I'm I'm going to sing what's going to. Walking and then when I turn this way I see this massive auditorium of like eight hundred people and I want to state I'm not going to be on the safe on this on a stage like all there's a lot of people here and then the guys are going to come down from like OK I'm coming down and I'm sitting on I'm sitting on the chair and I hear the noise again but this time it's me this time I'm the one vibrating on the chair. I'm looking at the car like when vibrating in harmony now there's we're in sync with one another you with me. She goes up and she's doing a poem. It's a day of finish you guys have got over here. There's a finish is when all the young people from all over the part of the conferences come together and everyone dresses really nice and you know there's a big charismatic preacher in this is great. Lovely food blah blah blah. And so she goes up. She's given her poem and you know voice is trembling and she starts to cry to this time on vibrate one myself to think it would have to go up there and my friend comes and says to me the same guy. The preacher companies like you're going to go up next. And I'm like. Because I know you're going to get me. He's like just just just go. I think I just go now like. What is this just going now that you want me to come up with you answer yes he's like I'll introduce you a great thank you brother Sean and then we come up and he like everyone I'd like you to meet Dean. And I'm just vibrating in the popping now like all my days and I have a piece of paper with me and I can't read. It don't know what it says and I just got crane just to spray I was like Lord help me. And those are gone. That's gone just like it was in an instant. So like I was doing something I've been doing all my life I speak for five minutes I'm going to clear what I said Oh no. Well I'll just walk. I sat down afterwards vibrated back to my seat. And then after the. This girl came up to me she's like a you know I was really blessed by what you said and I was like how does that work and this how fresh I was like How do I bless you God blesses us how do I bless me. Secondly to come to my church and speak in my church and like OK yes. So I go to her church and I find out when I get there. Oh this is a guy on a in church. I'm like yeah but I'm not. I'm not going. Like oh you're going to have an interpreter. I was like oh and he's going to speak times I speak no no. You'll do a sentence you'll do a sentence and like so that means that whatever I say he's going to say that. However long it takes me to say what I'm going to say it's going to take him that same time right. Again. So I kind of prepare for maybe like an hour. And they're like you know they're going to do half of that and he does half of that I'm like OK right. I mean is preach the sermon I don't know how to reorganize things or go from the beginning to the middle and then hopefully to some sort of end there and then some preaching then at the end of that there's some of those visiting that church. This is hey what do you come to speak at our church I'm like yes and then so I'm going to their church and I'm sitting down one time in my whole church. I'm like what I'm tired of this speaking business. I don't know what to do or why you keep making me do it and then saw the youth leader comes and says I saw Apostles going away next week and we talked to speak and I'm like normal and then say out loud because you can't and I said in my mind. It's in my mind but I thought an impression that I should say yes. And so I said this The Lord silent and I said I'll do it but only if you say my name. If someone asked me by my name then I'll do it. And so this guy that I was baptized it was in front of me and he said I'll do it. Yes so but I'll do it only of Dean does it too and I was like all my ideas. So we preach after some in each. He was the first off I was a second. Off. But I wanted to you know my girlfriend she was in Brazil right. Remember the part she was in Brazil. I wanted her to his mother my first real son. You know like in a language we both understood. So I was like I spoke to some friends I'd met this death fellowship said you guys you still do the whole video or your thing right now you're OK. Or can you come to my church on this day because I'm speaking and I would like to get a recording of the sermon so I can send it to my girlfriend. You know because kind of cool first son just got back ties two months ago. Maybe she'll be interested in that so they come and they record and they tell me we don't have any money do you know like no I would I have money. Well then we can't make this my friend late because it was designed to this plant or to put it on you. Cheap because free. To put on your children and we go we need to call that the name of the channel or something like OK work. Well let's he says let's call it preaching place because it's the place where people are going to go to hear preaching. Oh well that makes it logical. I like it simple because of this extra vacant logo of three angels and the angels tails merge into three different sevens we call the channel preacher play seven seven seven. We put it online. We put on line for one person and in a week two hundred people had watched it. Who were like two hundred people who knows about two hundred people in the church but I know they didn't go home and listen to the whole thing again. So we said man you know we should keep doing this next time you're preaching call us we'll do it again call them. We done it again we're gonna write one of the guys impact both guys that preached when I when I first found the Lord. They then got involved so it's the three of us with our videographer and our sound guy. We were there and then before we knew it. The end of the year and of one four year from generated December on I You Tube channel we had like two hundred fifty thousand views and then you know we got to go to G Y C. And we had our booth in big Great Britain flag so everyone would like all of the British are back and come over and we were selling them D.V.D.'s of the sermons and everything and I was super cool and ministry literally without even planning without even trying. It just happened. Just like that. But right in the midst of that right in the midst of that I run into a problem. You see when I come to the church. I had heard so much about Jesus right. So much about the savior. So much about the cross and and what he had done. But I never really heard much about God the Father. Her not about God the Son You know his nurses and his grace and His love. But the father the picture that I had of the father was one of judgment. Here with me. One of judicial action. And I was kind of scary. I had this picture. I don't know if you've ever had this picture and theologically it doesn't make sense but I felt like I had a relationship with the son. But I was scared to death of the Father. I was called to be around some I was going to cover me with his life but when judgement day came I was going to stand before this guy here the present. Our Father who art in heaven. And that never that never internalised with me. I mean I know it sounds strange but my struggle was accepting God the Father. Let me tell you why. When my mom was pretty young. Maybe she was about twenty four years old. She was engaged rights of living in in the Republic of Ireland she was engaged. And she was out partying and doing her thing. And she's twenty four years old. Doing things that you do at parties whatever whatever you whatever that looks like to you probably is what was happening there now her fiance It was a Sunday night I believe fans he was like you know I'm going to go home because I got work in the morning. I can take you home and she was like No no you know you're only I don't need you to take me home. You know that kind of independent woman stuff I don't need a man existed even back then. So she stayed he left stayed at the party and she's just doing her thing at the party. She's drinking a bit more and she's doing other things that she shouldn't be doing. But then she gets to me before in the morning and her fiance's friend says My mom just you know living it up in the party like OK I'm going to take you home so she can suck ass go home now where where where the party was like. There was my my grandmother's house and it was a big field big field and it was the house where this party was at and so she knows she's in a car just going home in the backseat what I was you know where her mind was. And she's looking outside and she's like I was in the car for so long. So I called her way to her and then she sees out the window and she's like where are we. And he turns around with a vodka bottle so much is over that knocks are unconscious and then he raped her. Over and over and over. And that was twenty five years ago. And so that's how I was conceived that's how I. Born into the world. I was here because someone that my mother trusted. Couldn't control himself. Now I knew that from when I was ten years old from ten years old I knew that I was a mistake for ten years that well it's from the from the age of ten years old. I grew up thinking. The reason that everything keeps failing. The reason that everything I tried to do doesn't work. The reason why I'm not going anywhere in life is because I'm not meant to have one. Because that's not how you're meant to do things no one. Well least one person didn't plan for that. So a mistake. Makes sense. That's why it's kind of hard. It's why nothing really happens good. That's why there's trouble after trouble after trouble because I'm not meant to be here in the first place. And so that is the view that I had of my father my father is a man of the violets degree. My father raped my mother and here I am to tell the story. So when people in church then came and said hey you know what Dean. Let us tell you about the father. I don't have anything to do with the father. Thank you. Because when I needed a father I was alone when I needed a father. There was no one there to help me when I was crying in my buff tub. What happened when I needed help. When my. When my body was giving up when my quadriceps Tauren when my house was burgled where was my father I was bitter. I was bitter. And then I read Matthew Chapter seventy five years. Matthew Chapter fifteen. Crisis teaching Peter about forgiveness and he sums it up by saying if you want to be forgiven. Then you have to forgive now but why why the things that I've gone to jail in comparison to what he done right that Dean you've been lying your whole life in a young lady's life rested in your hand and you let go. But Dean you were killing other people use when you're hiding drugs in your mother's house. Try to make a decision. If I was going to continue with the Lord if I was going to allow him to blot out my since I was going to have him forgive me. And I had to forgive my father. I was uneasy but I can only stand here and say this evening that. God God the Father is more than I could ever. Of us for. Because it was at that point in my life. When I had to make the biggest decision ever put in front of me. That he gave me everything I needed. He gave me every word of encouragement that I needed to hear. He brought me to people that showed me what love is. My mother kicked me out of my house. She said in you have to make a decision between your god or your family to leave home just a few months after I was baptized on that day. A friend called me it's as dean I was praying for you this morning. I just want you to know anything happens. Come to my house. It's come to his house his parents are there he said what's up. I told him. I said OK this is your home you can stay here for as long as you want. Don't ever pay those bills. Don't be one about buying food just stay here. I heard of about Christianity. Now I was seeing it. See what it was really like. It was those experiences. It was those experiences that showed me that I can trust this. That showed me I could go to Psalms chapter sixty eight. The show me I can read verse five that says a father of a far of the fatherless and the judge of the widow's as God in His holy habitation to those that have no father he is a father. To those that have a father he is a father. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. I grew up my whole life thinking I had no purpose thinking there was no there was no logical reason for my existence that I was here just aimlessly going throughout life. But when when your life becomes one with this book becomes one with the God that this tells us is real you find purpose. You find exactly what he wants you to do. Exactly. We want you to be a father. To the father the everything I needed. He was he is and he will ever be. You know I've never met my father ever. But I guess that's what I met him once when I was three years old when I walked into my front room and he was stabbing my mother because she was taking him to court. It's my dad. That's not my father he with me. Yeah he played a part in making me here but he's not the reason I'm here. He's the reason I'm here. Our God in Heaven is the reason I'm here or God in Heaven is the reason why you're here. I don't care how you came here it all. What circumstances. You know gave you life let me tell you that the Lord God of Heaven is the reason why we're here today. And he has a purpose a unique and individual purpose for every person gathered in this room and outside of it. I still haven't met my dad but I made peace in my heart and I know that if God ever wills it. And were ever in the same room together. By the strength of Christ. I'm going to able to go to that man and say to him that I forgive you. She might not but I forgive you and I forgive you because God forgave me. I was the hardest decision I've ever had to make out of that period of time I went. A school of evangelism called Peace practical evangelism an Adventist Christian education went there maybe a year and a half into the church four months intensive evangelist of course found out why I believe everything that I believe. Saw the biblical evidence for every doctrine and every belief that I was meant to hold on to soar. When my passion was realized what my calling was. I left out of four months here by the worker in London two and a half years on the didn't have any by the workers. Just myself and one other guy who worked there for two and a half years trying to sow seeds in one of the hardest mission fields in the world. I want to tell you this evening that at nineteen years old I was no one. I was a No one with no purpose. No reason for existence no passion in life. No direction but it twenty five years old crisis found me. I'm sure I'll find what I need to find about myself further down the line but he's found me and he came down to where I was he reached down and his hand was not too short. The goal that was given me by was that he's America. Sitting right there cannot show which one to look for the most beautiful girl in the good again. Almost three years now and in just under two weeks we've been married for three years. I've been in love with the same person so I was fifteen years old and he's blessed us to plaster so much. He's given us that a life that we could never have dreamed of having it was at that evangelism school those four months where she truly found a lot. Also she gave her life for those she was baptized and he opened door to door after door. The Bible says I'll close with this and any man that gives up his life for my son. That gives up mother father brother sister home or job for my sake and for the sake of the gospel. He received one hundred four. For a long time I lost my family. God gave me one hundred families. For for for for my life I had no purpose and God gave me hundreds of different purposes. Hundreds of different places to go to countries to go to people to see people to speak to people to reach. And share exactly who this guy is. Maybe I lost my whole family but I I gained a new one. Again a wife and one day will start our family. When they will bring up our children in the fear of the Lord when they will be able to tell them that the reason why we believe these things and the reason why we go to these places and the reason why we do these things is because God found us brought us together. Not in ideal circumstances. She's in the church I'm out of the church neither of us really with the Lord and he give us some advice young people don't mistake God's will for his mercy. Let me say that again. Don't mistake God's will for his mercy. Just because he hasn't put an end to it doesn't mean he agrees with it. But sometimes he just lets things happen the way they are and miracles happen anyways. I can stand here and boast in the Lord that miracles happen even today. And if Christ can reach down to where I was Christ a response where I was and he can reach in one of you. He's a father of the fatherless. He's your father. He's a God of love. Tonight when you go home. Think about giving him your life. Think about giving him your life because he's everything that you need. That's pretty good. And before we do but good news. Good God didn't die. Breathe. Now I going to touch with her she's fine. She has two little children now she's getting married in a few months. God is good. He's everything that we need him to be and more let's pray. Father and have a father of the fatherless thank you thank you for stooping so low. Thank you for all those second chances and third chances and fourth chances. Thank you. That all the times we gave up when you persisted you battled through our stubbornness. Thank you for the life. The love of your Son Jesus Christ. Thank you for the real power of forgiveness Lord. I know I am but I know everyone else here is also grateful for the ability that you have to change the lives. Maybe those lives here today that have an experience that I swore commit them into your hands will take them give them everything they need to make the decision to surrender to be the citizens of this media was brought to you by audio first a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio first if you would like to listen to more sermon or leave a Visit W W W dot audio Verse dot org.

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