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I Can't Sleep! My Crisis. God's Victory.

Steve Wohlberg
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Steve Wohlberg goes public and reveals personal details about the most horrible trial of his life that took place during the summer of 2017. An amazing drama of sleepless nights, mind-altering medication, Satan’s lies, trusting Jesus in the midst of hopelessness, and God’s amazing grace. “Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; When I sit in darkness, The LORD will be a light to me.” Micah 7:8

Presenter

Steve Wohlberg

Television producer, radio host, and international speaker

Recorded

  • October 21, 2017
    11:00 AM
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Good morning. I am blessed to be here. Very happy to see my smiling face I am so grateful so happy so thankful to be here today I didn't know if I would ever preach again and I'm going to share quite a bit with you. Well I'm going to give you the shorter version actually I could say quite quite a lot more but I'm in a minute tell my story this morning wasn't. I didn't know whether I should do this or not have been debating back and forth you know whether I should really go public with this personal story. Tim Saxton was scheduled to speak today but because of all of his travels we. E-mailed me and said he was a little bit under the weather from his traveling and that I had asked me if I had any suggestions of who might take the pulpit in his place and. The thought just came to me Steve this is this is the time to do it so I see this as a providential opportunity we'll see how this goes never spoken on this before actually like this. The title you see in your bulletin is called I Can't Sleep. My crisis God's victory. Before I pray I want to think from the bottom of my heart those of you that are here and that have been praying for me I appreciate that so much to me Tim Ron. Stacy lot of other people. White Horse media Jamie my wife. My children. Words will never can never describe. How thankful I am. And what the Lord has has done for me. And so I'm going to pray and I'm going to just share this is I put together a bunch of notes I hope that they come together well. And that I'm doing this because I want to be used by the Lord Well first of all I want to glorify God. I want to honor my Savior Jesus Christ. And I want to hopefully encourage you. That there is. There's there's really nothing that the Lord can't bring us through. That there is hope for the hopeless and matter how down you may feel. Jesus can lift you up so that's why I'm sharing this today so let's pray let's pray Dear Father in heaven dear God I'm so grateful. To be here in Newport Washington today to over twenty one. And to have a chance to share with this group and we're recording this and who knows who will listen to it and my prayer is that the Holy Spirit will be here. That Jesus will be lifted up and that you will use. My testimony. To encourage a lot of people that your love is infinite that your Grace is in comprehensible and there there is not a one of us that is outside of the reach of your mercy your love and your power. So we pray for your blessing. Please in Jesus name. And all right well. I'll start out by telling you I have had a horrible horrible summer. It was the worst summer in my life never been through some of the things that I went through the summer of two thousand and seventeen. If you have Psalm one o seven still open I know it was read during the scripture reading but I'd like to read verse one into. Psalm one seven verse one and two and praise the Lord. That horrible summer is over. It's over. And I've really been enjoying the fall looking forward to the gathering the sea evening and our in our home our annual barn social looking forward to seeing the kids smiling on the hayrides and eating the good food and hearing the good music as he's smiling big really looking forward to that Psalm one o seven this verse has impressed me for quite a while verse one and two. Says oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good. For his mercy endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord do what. Let them say so let them speak out those who have been have been redeemed by Jesus Christ whom he has read deemed from the hand of the enemy praise God powerful verse as Jesus redeem us from the hand of the devil. This particular crisis started in in June this past June and I don't really understand to this day. All of the ins and outs in the whys and wherefores a lot of it is a mystery to me it really is. But. It happened and anyway it was in June that I flew to three B.N. to participate in. Their spring camp meeting and I was I spoke twice most of you know me you know about white horse media you know that I'm a minister and I'm involved in giving seminars and speaking regularly I've been doing this for years so I went to three B.N. and I spoke twice the travel was a little bit difficult flight was delayed I got in on the way there quite late about two o'clock in the morning got into my hotel it was a stay fairly stressful weekend and as soon as it was over right away the next day I left my hotel and flew to Pennsylvania for a seven night speaking appointment so these two were back to back it was straining my body and I have been having for quite a while. Some difficulties during my my talks on the weekend my travels and I don't really completely still understand this but I was feeling some tightness in the chest and pressure in the chest and Anyway when I got to Pennsylvania everything was happening you know back to back so quickly and after a number of my talks the pressure in my chest was getting. Very intense and well I was speaking and I really started questioning whether I should keep going because I didn't know what was going to happen to me the last thing I want to do is fall over during one of my talks and you know my family it's very important to me I want to continue to be a good. Father and husband and so I spoke at the conference president has to Gary Gibbs and I told him you know I I'm struggling and I don't know if I can continue to go go on but I did and it really things really came together on a Wednesday night it was Wednesday night and it was about two o'clock in the morning and I woke up in my hotel I was there by myself and I couldn't go back to sleep. And I've been you know a lot of people get up and go back to sleep in the middle the night and maybe for some of you this is a regular habit I don't know but for me this was not normal and not to be able to go back to sleep and I had this strong sense of anxiety and again the pressure in my chest and I was laying there and I just became very scared and I was praying on my bed and asking God to help me and this this wave of fear just went through me like I've hardly ever experienced and I just thought and the fear was that if this doesn't go away and if I continue to have these kind of sleeping problems. I'm not going to be able to handle my responsibilities. With my home ministry I thought about my my big backyard in the spring with all kinds of work to do and I just got I got scared and anyway I talked to the president again and told him I didn't know if I could keep going but I did. For another night that Wednesday night or actually Thursday night. But then by Friday I told Gary I said I just don't think I can keep going I think it's safe safest for me to stop and so he was fine with that he wants what's best for me and he took my slot and preached twice Friday night and Saturday night and I went to the local Wal-Mart with a friend and picked up a. A bottle of Tylenol PM I think it was called because I was I was having a hard time sleeping the next night so I got some Tylenol and I slept. Through the next couple nights and on Father's Day flew home and that was VERY of was on Sunday and I was very happy to be home with my wife and my children and miss them terribly and that was hoping that this would go away but it didn't it did not go away and I'm just going to make a long story short early July I went to Los Angeles to visit my dad and my elderly father he's getting up there is eighty eight years old right now and I still alive my mother passed away last February I think you remember my talk on that and anyway it's stressful time and so when I was at my dad's in L.A. in Studio City I tried quite a bit of melatonin to go to sleep and I took ten milligrams which is not I don't think it's you know something that everybody takes maybe for some of you that's nothing I don't know but for me it was a lot and it helped a little bit but not enough July twenty second was looming on the horizon which was Sat's birthday and baptism day you remember that many of you were here when I had peptides Seth right behind me and it was that he was actually a very exciting day for us that for me and for all of us for my family my wife my daughter well anyway a couple of weeks before his baptism things got worse. And I don't really know why. One night I was laying in bed and I was awake the whole night just didn't sleep at all and it was not a good night I'm lying in bed and I'm you know quoting scripture and praying sometimes I would get up walk around the room read the bible quote the Bible and I just had this sense that the enemy was was right there ready to come into my head and I was just quoting scripture over and over again and praying to Jesus whole mind to me you know I don't know what's going on I can't sleep but just be with me and don't leave me and keep the devil out of my head. And anyway. Things got worse I went a couple of nights without sleeping the whole night. I'm tempted to ask you how many of you have ever been through that but I maybe I probably shouldn't do that but ask you to raise your hand I don't know but so. We got closer to Seth baptism and I was getting weaker because I wasn't sleeping. And I don't know you know maybe you can go a night or two without sleep but for me it this was brand new and it was really affecting me. It was affecting my my outlook it was affecting my mind I could just feel it so I started taking some other medications I went I tried Ambien heard of Ambien. That worked for a night or two but then it stopped working. And then ice. I was wanting something stronger. So I. I think trads the down was in the mix somewhere tried tragedy down and it. Worked for a while but that stopped working and then I went on to lorries a Pam and that was. Pretty strong stuff and I was I was asking I'll clarify I was asking for this because I wanted something I needed something I needed help and I didn't know what to do and so few days before it sets baptism. Actually right before I went on the reason Pam I think I had gone a night or two in a row without sleeping and it was it was very bad I was I wasn't thinking clearly I Tim You probably remember coming into my house and I just told you I said I can't I can't think straight my mind is not thinking right during that period and I don't know why this happened but I. Reached a point where I was an able to take a nap during the day I would I was exhausted and I would lay on the bed or on a couch and I could not take a nap. I was losing my appetite my appetite was disappearing and for those of you I mean you can see me I'm already I have never been had I have never had a lot of extra pounds to lose and so I was getting thinner and I started having what what that someone would call the panic attack and I would you know during the during the day I would just all the sudden just get this this wave of anxiety that would flash over me. And we were a number of days before Seth baptism and I was really I just think in my worst fears were just looming in my mind I'm thinking you know I don't know if I can I don't know if I can baptize my own son. You know what if I can't sleep for the next three or four days. How my going to stand up in church and smile. And. It was scary and so. I'm just going to tell you this it's hard for me to tell you this I'm going to tell you and one point Well actually I asked Kristen to my wife to start taking family worships because I wasn't strong enough my voice was a strong enough and I just didn't feel good so I asked her to lead out in family worship Senate one point I gathered my family together. And I guess I was thinking you know I need to alert you. I don't know what's going to happen when the baptism comes and I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this so I got my kids together and my wife and I. I told them that I'm having a real crisis I don't know why and if I don't know I don't know if I'm going to be at the baptism and I said if I don't get over this you need to pray for me pray for dad. Who the final get over this I don't start sleeping eventually you know something's going to happen and I just imagine you know if you don't if you don't sleep for long enough time eventually you know something's going to go on with your body and so I told Mike my kids that I thought I don't know what's going to happen and then Abby looked at me and said. Daddy does that mean you might die and I just looked at her and I I didn't know what to say I just sort of nodded my head. I don't know and she grabbed me in the living room. And she just cry. And cry and cry and. She wouldn't stop crying I looked through and I went to and then eventually the next that I don't know a few hours I said I'm not going to try to encourage her and she stopped crying and but I tell you that was the one that was one of the saddest moments of my life. I've since apologized to her. For saying that. Anyway. I started taking the reason Pam which is a much stronger. And it knocked me out. And I slept the next few nights and I was able to be here on July twenty second if you remember and because I had been sleeping. I I. You know I was just stepping out in faith and saying Praise God Thank you Lord that my son made the decision to follow Jesus to be baptized and it was a good day and it was you know by faith I was trusting God and I will always remember with joy being in the water with my son. The hope that someday in the future I'll have the same experience with my daughter. Well right after. Right after. That's that Sabbath the next day my family we drove to camp my evident but an hour an away for a family camp we had been looking forward to this we had. Planned for this in advance and it was a week where we were all there. And we had a good time overall I was taking the reason Pam So I was sleeping one night I I said. I talked to somebody and. Made a decision that I was going to try to just go to sleep without it because I really don't want to be on something on a regular basis I mean sometimes I guess you have to be but in my situation you know I think if there was any way out of it I'd rather not and so I thought I'm going to go to talk to Dr Kraus and she was very wonderful encouraging me step by step and Dr Flack we were very closely in contact and so much their prayers and so. We discussed this and decided you know sure try it just go to sleep without it so one night and kept my button up on a bunk bed. I lay dad this was that. End of July. And I prayed Jesus we could do this I can go to sleep without That's helped me and that that night I went to bed at nine ten o'clock o'clock rolled around twelve o'clock rolled around and I was not hired at all. And I thought this isn't going to work so I went back to Louisa Pam. And I slept that night and anyway made it through the week. And when we got back we drove to Kristen's parents' house. And this was on a Sunday and our plan was in a. Couple of days we were all going to fly with the others from White Horse media we were heading to to Houston was Houston right for A.S.I.. We had our booth there was an annual event where white horse media meets a lot of people and so. I was planning on going Well I was debating and I. I am good friends with. Dr Neil Ned Lee I don't know if you know him or not many of you know of him but I've known Dr Natalie for a long time and I happen to have his cell phone number in my phone so on Sunday I called him and I told him what was going on that I wasn't sleeping that I was losing weight. That I couldn't take a nap that I was having anxiety attacks panic attacks I was getting thinner and I'm on and then I told him I'm on low Riza pain. And he said Steve you've got to get over here right away. You've got to get to Wiemar right away. And. That was on a Sunday. And come to find out Dr Ned Lee is involved in the you know wonderful very specialized program at Wiemar called the depression and anxiety recovery program I'm curious how many of you have heard of that program some of you have well a lot of you have marvelous It's amazing and they were happened they were going to start their next session on Wednesday and he said you've got to get here right away and they only take twenty people and they they do this every month or approximately every month. And it was to me it was miraculous miraculous that there was a spot for me. Two days before three days before it started and within two days I was that we mark. The end so I'm packing my bags and I want to just just praise my what if Kristen was so good during all this time she was watching all this she was patient she was praying with for me she helped me pack she was just a little model of a loving supportive wife thank you. So I know I barely got there I mean I was I was having trouble on the plane. Trouble with my travels but I got there and I was picked up at the airport by a young man named Nathan hi who works with Dr medley in Sacramento he picked me up and it was a providential. Meeting because Nathan has been through very similar things and worse and he shared his story with me all the way as we drove an hour or two back to Wiemar Institute Northern California and it was so encouraging to me to know that here's somebody that's been through. Something very similar through what I've been through heavy medication couldn't sleep deep anxiety all kinds of problems and the Lord brought him through. This was a ten day program that I went through it's actually a total of twenty weeks and another providential event was that during that particular session was that happened to show up from Australia was a young man named Andrew Jasper who was one of my best friends when I used to live that we are many many years ago and who now works closely with Dr Natalie hadn't been the Wiemar for a long time came to America from Australia and just happened to land at Wiemar institute the same time that I got there and when I saw Andrew and he saw me it was just like all the lights went on board you are you are quare donating events to help me you gave me Nathan you gave me. Andrew and anyway I'm just going to go through this quickly Dr net lease program is intense. Heavy emphasis on nutrition flaxseed the brain exercise hydrotherapy a lot of reading classical music counseling lectures. The Hydro was incredible. They would take us and put us in a we hopped into one hundred seven or hundred eight degree chick Cousy for five minutes and they've got a timer there and then we pop over into a bucket of cold water loaded with ice. How do you like that when they want to they want to bang the depression out of you. And so we're in there for a minute and then back into the hot tub back and forth three times and then we started doing this five times numerous times during the day and there was just you know it's an all out program to get your body working to get your mind working to get your brain working. Five thirty in the morning were up to exercising was not a vacation that's for sure Dr Ned They did a number of tests that they took nine blood draws my blood pressure was at one time was about one hundred eighty over one hundred fourteen. Can you believe that. The blood draw the results from the lab Dr medley is that is a brain expert. And he's been studying the brain for a long time and he looked at my lab work and saw nor epinephrine. It's a brain hormone I believe and anyway my blood results showed that it was ten times higher than it should be. And Dr never looked back he said Steve what's been happening to you is just totally expected based upon your brain chemistry your brain chemistry is way out of whack. And so he recommended a whole series of. Supplements to try to level me off like zinc certain milligrams of zinc and other things anyway he got me off the lorries Pam right away right away put me on a couple of other medications that were designed to be transitions that I would eventually get off of which originally the reason Pam also was designed to be a transition and everything that I was taking was designed to be something I would take only for a little while but it does. For me it became a problem. Anyway while I was that we mar. Things got worse and you know they get worse before they get better sometimes and there was one period where I went four days without sleep. In sleep one night the next night the next night and the next night can you imagine going forward it's about any sleep and I I didn't know I didn't know if I would go five days without sleep for days without sleep is enough now maybe it's going to be five days or six days I'm laying in bed at night in my room and we mar Wiemar Institute reading every day reading my Bible reading steps to Christ reading ministry of healing claiming promises. Night after night after night one morning I got up at five thirty actually they knock on the door and get you out of bed so five thirty were all up and I went to a facility where we were exercising at quarter to six and. I had this strong impression that came to me. About cry six about five forty five strong impression and the impression basically said don't lose your faith. And I know it was from the Lord it was just basically saying hold on to your faith don't lose it and here's something amazing and I don't fully understand this but within five minutes or less after that impression came to me Don't lose your faith it was like I slept Chamar came down on me like I've never known. And and there was this Colao. In addition to all the other clouds that was on top of me and it was just it just felt like the devil hit me hard. Like I've never known. Like I've never known and the next the next month. Or so was the worst time in my life I've never experienced anything like this I felt like this cloud was over me and that for whatever reason I was just a lost soul. I was totally lost my future was totally dark I didn't know if I'd ever get home. I look at myself in the mirror in the morning in the bags were getting bigger under my eyes I was losing weight I lay in bed at night. And I don't know if this was directly from the devil or my mind or the medication Dr Natalie said there's a two week period once you get off the reason Pam it you can affect you can expect side effects. And I started hearing voices inside my head. Just laughing ah ah ah I've got you. And I'd you know go through the night maybe I wouldn't sleep all night and then in the morning this voice would say to me tonight I'll be back and you won't sleep you're not going to sleep ha ha. And it just made my blood curl there were times when I felt like I was about to lose my mind. Thoughts of suicide. Came into my head now I have never thought that before and I didn't actually take it seriously I mean I never really thought about doing it because I thought there's no way I would ever hurt my family by taking my own life but the thought was their. Thought was there I thought I'll never preach. Ever preach again I don't know what's going to happen and like you open your Bibles to job. Seventeen job seventeen one point you're not going to believe this but at one point my the my two fingers on both of my hands started curling inward and I would go to the cafeteria and I would grab my spoon or my fork or my knife and my fingers were curling me and I asked Dr Natalie about that and he thought it was probably withdrawal from the reason now. And I didn't know what was going I thought wow what's happening is rigor mortis setting in. I mean I tell you I was scared. To look at Job Chapter seventeen job seventeen verse one job wrote my spirit is broken my days are extinguished. The grave is ready for me and I tell you that's exactly the way I. I thought this is me I'm done Whitehorse media least as far as my involvement is over. You know I don't have a future anymore. And you know one of the worst things. Hey or the devil is so cruel is I would have these thoughts over and over again that if I do die which I will finally I'm going I know if you don't sleep eventually you're going to back. Eventually. And and this thought came to my mind and when you die you're going to wake up in the second resurrection. And you're going to be outside the city you're going to see that beautiful city and you will be there your loss you are a lost soul and I began to read you know I during that time I'm reading proverbs and all of a sudden for some I you know I'm seeing myself on the side of the wicked not the righteous we listen to classical music at the at Wiemar quite a bit and I'm the thought came to my mind you're just like Saul the the the classical music sounds great like David played the harp it's comforting you but you're like Saul and that's all it's doing for you. You know you're on the wrong side and you're done you're done in your bulletin. In the back there's some inspirational quotes. You see the top one for ministry of healing age to forty nine I was reading minister of young There's a chapter called mind here and I read it over and over and over and over again I was reading steps to Christ again and again and again trying to gather all the promises that I could gather to myself ministry of healing pitched to forty nine the first half says none need to abandon themselves to discouragement and despair. Satan may come to you with the cruel suggestion yours is a hopeless case. You are irredeemable. And that's exactly what he did to me he came right to me and he said you're hopeless. And there's no hope for you at all. Now I don't know have any of you ever experience that. Experience the temptation that you're just you know you're not going to make it your last and you know Tim has been doing research on this we talked about this in Sabbath school and as we get into the closing scenes of this world's history. That's exactly what the devil's going to be telling us he's going to be telling us there's no hope for you. And that's what he was telling me he came to me with the cruel suggestion yours is a hopeless case you are irredeemable. But there is hope for you in Christ now in my particular Bible here this is a remnant Study Bible it's got a quote here from patriarchs and I'm sorry prophets in Keane's right underneath the verse in job and this is what it says this is paper profits in Kings page one seventy nine. It says when we are encompassed with doubt perplexed by circumstances or afflicted by poverty or distress Satan will seek to shake our confidence in Joe Hova. Despondency may shake the most heroic faith and weaken the most steadfast will but God understands all this I read that my thought Lord you've got to understand all this and he's still pities and loves. You dad. He reads the motives and the purposes of the heart now listen to this to wait patiently. To trust when everything looks dark. Is of the lesson that the leaders in God's work need to learn and evidently I needed to learn that lesson. Heaven will not fail them in the in their day of that versity. And during this period the thought finally came to me. That no matter what I'm going through no matter the hammer that nailed me the cloud that's over me the darkness that settled on me the sense that God no longer loves me that I'm lost I'm irredeemable I'm coming up in the second resurrection. Eventually I'm going to die because I can't sleep. The thought came to me in the midst of all of this. That Steve you just need to trust. In the Word of God. You need to trust in the love of Jesus Christ you need to trust in the grace of your Lord that no matter how you feel no matter what you think no matter how dark it gets no matter that you can't sleep no matter what you just need to trust in God and believe the that he loves you no matter how you feel and I decided to do that. Lord you got to get me out of this you know it's tough when you you know if this was not you know a typical thing where if you're struggling with some sin you can just make a choice by the grace of God to rely on his power to get the victory over this. I couldn't just resist not going to sleep. So I didn't know what to do. Well Dr medley decided to keep me at Wiemar for another week after and it was hard to be away from my family for almost three weeks and when I finally came time to go Ron I believe Ron you booked my flight didn't you Ron flecked book my flight and I don't know if I told you this or not but I was I was scared to get on a plane. I was thinking wow you know I'm missing anxiety you know to get on a plane to go up in the air and I've been traveling for years on airplanes that have never had this experience never. And I just thought well I'm going home anyway my wife's waiting for me my kids are waiting for me and I got home and after Let's see this was near the end of August I believe so I got home and. With. Dr medleys regular counsel and that and also the the prayers and consultations with Dr Flack and Dr Kraus. You know they were praying for me and others were praying for me Dr Natalie helped me step by step to begin a process of weaning off I got off the the reason Pam got off the serac well and now tragedy in one tragedy on which the last one. I believe it's an anti-depressant and it helps with anxiety that supposed to help you sleep and I started weaning myself off of that and finally decided I'm going to get off of this and on September twelfth Seth had a ice breaker with his eighth grade class in Montana with a group of boys in a dorm where I would be sleeping and I went. Right Ron said Steve you need to go be good for you go on the Hiawatha Trail and ride the bike with your son and I and I and also Pat pastor Pastor Ron I mean we spent a lot of time talking together and he would encourage me all and and you remember all those kept talks Steve God's going to help you don't give up. And so I went on and on September twelfth. I made a break with the transit down completely I thought I'm going to do this no matter what get off this medication and go to sleep on my own or not sleep on my own he was uneasy sleeping in a in a room with a bunch of teenagers. A lot of their snoring that didn't know her. That somebody else nard and I made it through the night and that. Seth was above me I was below we had a great time we really did. And that. Sat my Sana is that my sweat now to think and I'm just going to get you know all this stuff out of me keep drinking lots of water keep praying Don't give up hold on. And then one day. About a week after I got off the track. I took a nap. During the day I was actually able to go to sleep. And to me that was a light shining in a dark place I thought wow Lord something's happening I can go to sleep now on my own and lo and behold my appetite started coming back. And I started getting hungry for my wife's good cookin. And I thought god. You're doing it. And then you know this was just a little thing but it was greatly encouraging to me then I went out worked in my garden. Picking weed. And doing other things and I had a great day I thought praise the cause my view my yard became a nightmare to me my orchard my fruit trees my garden I thought you know this is no fun anymore I felt like the person in Ecclesiastes twelve it says when you get old you get to a point where you have the days you have no pleasure in them. And that was me I just you know I had no i wake up in the morning and there was no reason to be excited at all I would walk around I go into my office I look at all the pictures of my kids the my family and I think you know this whole ministry that God has built up the studio and everything in white horse media our staff what God has done you know I just I don't think I can go on about it everything was just dark total discouragement absolute total discouragement I had no hope not. But I held on. Like job he never cursed God and he never blamed or charged God with wrong. And I held on and I said Lord let trust you no matter what thoughts are going through my head evil thoughts bad thoughts start thoughts it we mar and beyond dark thoughts thoughts I don't want I don't want these thoughts Lord I reject these thoughts they're not me I'm trusting you I'm trusting you no matter what. And anyway I worked in my garden and I thought and I liked it wow sounds happening. And then. One day I realized you know I don't feel any pressure in my chest anymore the anxiety is gone and Dr medley has me on some supplements then I tell you he I just I can't I thank God for Dr medley his staff his team his program. His depression recovery program it you know it just it helped me more than I can can describe the blood work that he did figure now what was going on inside my brain giving me the right supplements to help balance me out the prayers of others. About a week and a week and a half after I got off the track I slept. I was sleeping and I was and I'm still taking some herbs it's an herbal preparation called Luna I got on Amazon that has rave reviews and it's just things like Larry and HOBSON passionflower and some nice herbs and that sometimes I still use that but anyway I started sleeping in anxiety and one day and I don't remember what day it was but it was about two weeks after I got off the tragedy on completely. One day I woke up. And I thought. It's over it's over it's gone. The the cloud the hammer that I experienced was gone the sun was shining. I was excited. About being alive I was. Happy. About God's love I write started doing more research for about Martin Luther because I'm going to be giving a talk on Luther shortly and I was reading great controversy the chapter on Martin Luther and I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul about. Standing for God like Martin Luther and I was so excited I thought crazy he's thought or heard you're talking to my heart I can I can feel it so anyway after a couple weeks the whole thing was gone. It was just gone can you explain that I you know I really can't to this day completely explain the whole thing I can't and when I was that we mar I remember a lady named Amanda she was my counselor when I first counseled her she looked at me and she said Steve I'm so excited for you. And I said well why and she said because you're going through this for a reason and God is going to use this. To help you to help others and she was so excited she had this glow in arrives and I looked at her like well I sure hope that happens but I don't feel that way right now. I don't feel that way right now. For during that whole time I when I mention this to I don't know if I talk to him about this but I mention this to Ron that I was seriously and Jamie I was seriously considering canceling my other my next beacon appointments I didn't speak for three months. I have a year a year it's worth of speaking appointments and I thought maybe I should just cancel them all I don't know if I can do it in the first one looming on the horizon was in Dallas Oregon at the end of September and I talked to Dr Natalie I said I don't know if I can do this speak three times on Revelation Chapter thirteen in the end of the world. And has to run especially just encouraged me a book in my phone book in our flights keep Go and God will help you if you needed the same thing. So we got there Pastor Wright and I we got there to Dallas Oregon and I thought this is going to be the test this is the test can I stand up in front of a crowd open my Bible Jeff thank you for your prayers to you and your family. And Trisha and Wayne and so many others. And I stood up there Friday night with an open Bible it's Or it's the sit. This is the litmus test and I tell you the Lord just the last. I preached for over an hour snacks day over an hour. And began to look at a long queue in May and the Holy Spirit blessed every talk and repassed Iran said he said I saw you up there in Oregon and I thought you're back in the saddle. Well and I tell you. And I knew and then when Tim was looking for a speaker for today I thought All right let's do it and. This Wednesday three days ago we did an almost two hour weapon our you can watch it on our You Tube channel dealing with all the disasters that are happening all around the world how these are signs of Jesus coming and it evidences that the Holy Spirit is withdrawing from the world and these are signs of the end and God bless the webinars he blessed in Dallas Oregon I believe he is blessing right now. And in three days I'm flying to three B.N. or days for. A live interview on Thursday night five hundred years from Luther and Earth's final crisis. And I tell you I am so grateful. That God has restored my life. He's restored my my. He is restored my soul. He's restored my. Happiness in being with my family. He is restored and I and you know what if I were to die today. I'm not coming up in the second resurrection I'm trusting G.'s that's that he will raise me up in the first resurrection. And then I will live with him for ever lessons I've learned. Number one. The devil is very real. Don't ever question of whether there's an enemy there is an enemy he hates you he hates me he's vicious he's vicious. And we've got to close every door that we can to stay away and I prayed you know over and over again God let's close every door I'm not going to yield to him I'm not going to go his way I know I'm a sinner I know I'm I'm nothing but you're everything and I'm trusting you the Devil's very real number two I have learned to be very careful about medications now I cannot say you should never take a pharmaceutical medication I know that sometimes they save people's lives. But I have learned we need to be very careful Dr medley is very concerned about the effect on the frontal lobe on the brain on our ability to think and I've just learned that if at all possible. I'm going to avoid them if at all possible. Next lesson do not rely on your feelings or your thoughts no matter what you no matter what you tell yourself. The Bible says the hardest deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it. And I thought to myself if my heart is deceitful then maybe all these thoughts that I'm telling myself that I've lost there's no hope for me I'm irredeemable you know these thoughts are if I believe them they're deceiving me and I learned that lesson I learned I don't don't don't depend on those thoughts if your mind tells you there's no hope for you or that God doesn't love you. Or that his grace is not enough for you or that all the promises in the Bible are for other people but not for you. Not for you my. Advice to you is don't believe those thoughts. Their lives their lives they're not true. This is what we need to rely on the Word of God and we've got to get that in our heads because when the final crisis hits and everything's falling apart the only thing that we can rely on is not ourselves but it's the Word of God I had all kinds of terrible thoughts inside my head and I learned don't trust me trust Jesus trust the Bible trust his love trust His Grace next lesson Jesus grace is sufficient for us it can his grace can bring us through no matter what we go through his love he loves you he loves me there is hope for the hopeless there is nothing that you can ever go through. That Jesus Christ can bring you through. If you trust him and surrender your life to Him I hope this encourages you to day I really do let's I like to close with two texts Psalm one o seven and then some fifty and Lord I hope that you'll use this to encourage people. I hope this hasn't been too dark you know telling you some of these things I don't want to preach a dark sermon I want light to shine. I think we all need luck and hopefully you know some of you can relate to this it's different people get discouraged for different reasons is that right we get discouraged for different reasons and whatever your reason is there is hope for you. Psalm one hundred seven verse sixteen says he has broken the gates of bronze. He has cut the bars of iron in to. God will break whatever chain is over your life versus a team says their soul abhorred all manner of food that was me. They drew nearer to the gates of death that's the way I felt then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he saved them out of their distress it's hallelujah hallelujah and I circled that word out he sent his word and healed them and delivered them from their destructions Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness and for his wonderful works to the Children of Men Oh that we would all thank God and praise Him for His goodness and his love last text is Psalm fifty verse fifteen Junee you texted me this text I believe my memory serves me correctly. June and gave me this verse Jenny has been praying for me and giving me Bible promises. Psalm fifty verse fifteen where. There it is the Bible this is God talking. Is God talking to you call upon me in the day of trouble. When your day of trouble comes God says call upon him in the day of trouble. I will deliver you. And you shall glorify me. And I hope that my talk did that today I hope it gives glory to God I hope it shows that Jesus Christ is faithful to us and like I said I don't really understand and job I don't think he probably ever understood what happened to him and I don't know I really don't know but I know that I have learned the power of the enemy the power of the Lord the grace of God the goodness of God and His ability to bring us through whatever happens so let's pray. Let's pray to your Father in heaven. Father I am so I'm just so grateful thank you praise your holy name praise your holy may praise the name of Jesus thank you for your promises thank you for bringing me through the dark Bates and I pray that you will bless everybody here and everybody that will hear this that. Whatever anybody's going through or whatever they go through in the future that they will know that you love them. And that you are able to bring them through all the way to the New Jerusalem and to a wonderful eternity with you and with all your people. Less us all we pray in Jesus to thank him. We hope you enjoyed today's broadcast with Steve Walberg We feel privileged to be a part of God's commission to share the gospel message with the world you too can be a part of our Gospel Outreach team by supporting broadcasts just like these with their financial gifts we strive to be careful with every dollar that we receive knowing these donations are sacred gifts to build up God's kingdom of grace and salvation to find other great resources or to donate online go to Whitehorse Media dot com or you can call us at one eight hundred seventy eight buyable That's one eight hundred seventy eight to four to five three you can follow us on Twitter at White Horse seven or on Facebook at facebook dot com forward slash Steve that Steve W O H L B E R G If you prefer to contact us by mail write to Whitehorse media P. O. Box one three zero priest River Idaho eight three eight five six Thanks for your support and may God richly bless your day.

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