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Breaking the Silence

Antionette Duck Dianne Wagner

Description

Two women.  Two stories.  One incredible Savior. As a post-abortive woman, Dianne shares her journey from the trauma of an abortion to the Cross. As a woman rescued from abortion, Antionette shares of what is possible, when, in the face of great need, we refuse to be silent. 

Recorded

  • March 31, 2018
    6:30 PM
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I want to think Pastor Wright for inviting us we went to 1 church and the board was very skeptical about having someone come and speak about abortion they said we don't have that problem in this church oh by the close of the weekend I was able to tell the pastor that yes indeed you do have that problem in this church but because it's a secret and most people don't talk about it who knows right. 1 of the concerns about speaking on it is making somebody in the congregation feel bad who's had an abortion and yes indeed we need to be. Sensitive to that but sometimes I think we hide behind the sensitivity I think we used as an excuse I was 1 of the people in the congregation I said there for years and nobody talked about it and I believe it's because maybe nobody knew how to talk about it. For me that was until I met my partner which will meet later Internet and to net was at a youth conference and she had a booth and I had never seen her before and I'm thankful to the Lord to this day because she did use her voice and she led she answered his calling and didn't sure that she wasn't afraid she did something about it I want each 1 of you to know you are here tonight for a reason the Lord will annoying to you with a ministry there are people right now who need to be ministered to to be given hope that you could very well be that person. So before I get started I want to just look over some numbers now the good mocker Institute is the research arm of Planned Parenthood and every year I looked them over just to see what they're putting out apparently they're more accurate than the C.D.C. which also puts out data every year. Between 1993 in 201153 1000000 illegal abortions took place and it's probably about 57000000 good marker used to put out the number but for some reason they've stopped 19 percent of all pregnancies end and induced abortion and induced abortion is an intentional abortion and tensional interruption of a pregnancy with a life of that fetus is terminated and there's 2 types of this induced abortion there's medical and surgical medical is when you use drugs to terminate that pregnancy they're called abortifacients. The 2nd 1 is surgical a surgical abortion is invasive This is when they go into inside the mother's womb and remove the fetus and the placenta. Now nearly half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by the age of 45 a pregnancy that was not planned for in 10 of those pregnancies are terminated. Half of these women have already had 1 other abortion. 89 percent of abortions occur in the 1st 12 weeks of pregnancy. So who are the women there are not any different than you and me. 18 percent of women obtaining abortions are teenagers 57 percent are in their twenty's 44 percent of all abortions performed in US are college age kids about 61 percent of abortions are obtained by women who already have 1 or more child children 37 percent of women obtaining abortions identify themselves as Protestants 28 percent identify themselves as Catholic well. I was 1 of the Protestants. I grew up as Seventh-Day Adventist my mother saw to it that I was in Sabbath school each week I was a pathfinder I went to summer camp loved it when I got old enough I worked at summer camp and loved it. I went to our church girls it was in elementary school that I was baptized. Now I went through the academies It was an academy when I gave my heart to Jesus and I had been baptized but this is where I really my heart to Jesus I was 15 Academy was awesome for me I was in the band the choir I love the Bible conference trips and the temperance rallies I was involved in all of it and I treasure those memories but college was harder for me it was during this time that my parents got a divorce. And I saw the inconsistency in my church and the hypocrisy. And it threw me for a loop I had to step back for a while and ask questions questions that I'm sure a lot of young adults have to ask Is this where I'm supposed to be is God here does God even exist was I just growing up in some and chanted little protected bubble and this is reality Well God is so good he knows how to answer all our questions he's not threatened so by the time my college sweetheart and I were to be married we both knew we wanted a Christian home and we wanted a 7th Day Adventist. Even with all the problems that I saw I knew the Lord had and knowing to this church and then we have been given a high calling but with that said 6 months before I was to be married everything was shattered I found out I was pregnant and I was devastated and embarrassed to death how can I break my grandmother's heart how can I face the people in my church the critical faces the disappointed faces now my husband and I we had only been intimate once that didn't matter you know it didn't matter. Why didn't make matters worse is the fact that I had had a series of X. rays on my lower back I was a traveling nurse in the hospital I worked at Marino required a series of X. rays and when the tech asked me Is there any way you could be pregnant I promptly said no which only added to my embarrassment later because I knew there was a chance. Well I called every physician I knew in the area and asked them what they would do if I were your wife. I was panicking and I was afraid and I was alone every single 1 of them said I would want her to abort I called my husband David my fiance at the time and you know I don't even remember what he said I hardly remember the conversation but he did fly to Reno to be with me and he paid for it well life was a blur for me I was in a daze I called the clinic I asked how much how far along I had to be and how much it cost at the clinic I talked to a counselor 1st she was a very sympathetic ear not a Christian but she was sympathetic to my dilemma and she assured me at the time that it was just a fuzzball I had nothing to worry about well I was a registered nurse and I had studied plenty of anatomy and physiology. But it never occurred to me to ask that question it wasn't. So my life had to ban and a complete panic blur for me to go through the procedure without any anesthesia I was scared to death I look back now and I can't even imagine where my mind was the procedure was a nightmare the pain was so bad I lost consciousness and it made an impact on me that would affect every aspect of my life for the rest of my life but because I was in no emotional enough I had no clue what was going on now the doctor when I got there was very nice to me I was crying and I was shaking I was so afraid and he came over and he held me and I remember being comforted by that. But when I passed out the 2nd time in the recovery room he got angry because he was having to spend more time with me and you see he was in a hurry he had so many he had to do that day well when it was all over I did feel a sense of relief but for me it was very short lived and it was Harlee it was so hard in fact that it just about destroyed me. I was unable to deal with it. I hated myself and this man that I loved with all my heart was my best friend all of a sudden became repulsive to me I had terrible anger towards him I hated him I hated his religion I hated hearing him talk about his religion you see I had wanted him to protect me but he was just as clueless as I was it would be unfair for me to hate him the very things that I wanted in a man became the very things that repulse me my dear husband had no clue as to what was going on with me I don't think he had any idea how the abortion had affected me I felt destroyed how people want intimacy when that seemed to be the very thing that had destroyed me you see the topic of abortion had never been a part of my life I had no clue what the effect of making that decision would have on me and now at the time I had the best friends a girl could ask for we all met in Hawaii we travelled together we loved each other I have no doubt that they loved me but not a 1 of them counseled mean not to go through with it. You see they didn't have any idea of what it would do to me I know that if they had if they would have said something but instead they made a big dish of a plant Parmesan for that evening when we got home from the clinic now I taught my children when they were young that panic kills when you panic you are not thinking straight and you're likely to do something really stupid and get yourself killed or get somebody else killed Think it out keep your head think it out you can do it. Now when my husband was in school I worked in a regional burn unit for a while we would get very serious burns flying into us and ever want to know while we would have a case where the individual had actually run into a fire instead of away from it simply because they panicked or when I found out I was pregnant I panicked and I ran into that fire and someone someone was killed and. Now after we'd been married a short time I got up 1 night I got the scissors and I promptly cut all my hair off stubs David wonder who have I married. But you see there was to be nothing lovely about me I was constantly punishing myself there would be times when I would sit on the toilet in the bathroom and I would take the razor and I would run that razor up the inside of my arm just run it up you see. On the inside I had all this pain but on the outside I was numb I needed to feel that I was still alive by feeling that pain. People around me are clueless 1 of the girls I worked with at the unit she saw my arm 1 day and she was dying and what on earth what happened to your arm and I just told her it was the cat I kept it that. When I became pregnant the 2nd time after we were married I was already convinced that I was unfit and terrible there was no way I could ever be a mother and I had a 2nd abortion. I called the clinic lied about how far along I was set the date. No emotions this time no fear no crying I when I listened to their little speech and I got it over with now it just says that baby had been taken mercilessly from the security of my womb my identity was being stripped mercilessly from my soul now by this time believe me I had complete control over me shame destroys and I was being destroyed it digs a big deep nasty painful hole that you try to stuff just to deal with the pain and that's what I would do I would stuff food down until I couldn't even swallow and then all of a sudden I would have this enormous upheaval it was all coming out I was getting it all out and strange as it may seem to help pretty cut afterwards I felt like I want to have to do that again but when I was compelled to do it again it just confirmed the failure I was and I would sink deeper into that pit of lonely shame. So many of the joys of being a new bride were taken from me I fought with depression and I couldn't sleep and eventually I went to a therapist and she promptly gave me the anti depressants and the sleeping pills. She never took a personal history to see what might be at the root at that well after a while I gave up on it and I just stopped taking those pills I wasn't taking care of the problem well we went to a marriage counsellor. And she promptly told us on the 1st visit that she didn't think our marriage could be saved and we were devastated because even though we didn't know what was going on we knew we loved each other and we wanted to make this work. She never asked us if we never had a miscarriage stillbirth or even an abortion things that can cause all kinds of unresolved emotions and play havoc with a relationship she never brought it up and we certainly weren't about to bring it up so we left there disappointed never went back. 1 night I scraped up the courage to call 1800 number it had been on the radio if you've had an abortion and you regret it call this number I literally hid in the washroom it took that much courage to even get it out of my mouth. I went to the washroom shut the door call this 1800 number she answered sounded pleasant I told her my story the 1st thing out of this woman's mouth was well you know abortion is murder don't you. There was no hope no hope in that I hung up and I wanted to vomit. Well. Not too long after that a friend I worked with asked us if we would like to go to church with him the next weekend. While we've loved this family her parents were like my circuit parents during arm dental school so we went and wouldn't you know and the sermon that day was on abortion now this guy was very loud and very animated bible thumping and he got louder and louder and louder and finally he said the Lord would not and the Lord could not forgive a woman who had had an abortion Well of course he quickly recanted but for someone like me in the congregation he confirmed every reason I had for hitting myself these events as you can understand shut unlock the door for me to ever ask for help for a long time. That abortion was supposed to be the solution to a crisis but instead it created a larger than life crisis. But according to the abortion advocates the post abortion post abortive women should be feeling fine about her decision after all she was exercising her right it is her body. But isn't really what we bought with a price the fruit of our womb is bought with a price as well if she doesn't feel fine it's because something was wrong with her prior to the abortion. If there is emotional instability after the abortion it's because she was unstable prior to the abortion these are actual quotes. Some pro a pro-choice activist claimed that it is her religiosity her religion that causes us to have a hard time after choosing to have an abortion why I found that particularly fascinating because. In the late 1960 thousands of women suffering from hysteria were being incarcerated leaders of the French enlightment also held and encouraged the view that it was the dangers of religion that caused this hysterical behavior. Now even though there was significant evidence that this hysteria was the result of sexual abuse at a young age there was no political and no social support for further investigation. And thousands of women remain locked in their asylums. Their hysterical behavior was in response to a trauma but instead of validating that trauma the credibility of the victim was attacked. We saw the same thing in war time under the read Lentulus horrors of trench warfare during World War 1 men started breaking down and shocking numbers they began to produce symptoms that resemble the hysteria in women they would scream cry they wouldn't be able to speak he wouldn't respond. Now the military authorities at this time attempted to suppress these reports because of the effect it would have on the public. They insisted that true min noblemen would never succumb to the terror but find can Lori in the challenge and it was declared that men who were susceptible to the hysteria of women had defects in their masculinity how sad once again the credibility of the victim is attacked it wasn't until our Vietnam vets came home and started sharing stories with each other they would form rap groups and they started validating each other story do you know it wasn't until after Vietnam that the definition we have today for post-traumatic stress disorder was even established. Well sadly today there are many men and women locked in their own private asylum due to the trauma of an abortion and once again there is little political or social support but should we be surprised by that. As Christians what are we doing. Christians tend to make it a political issue when it's a spiritual place you guys. Prior to the 1960 S. investigations on the effect of abortion concluded almost without exception that abortion inevitably caused trauma posing a severe threat to the psychological health by the late 1950 S. population control advocates set their sights on regulating birth control and abortion major population donors the Rockefeller Foundation made research dollars available. To prove the benign nature of abortion and the subsequent shift in political and social and scientific thinking was all perfectly cord needed by the late 1960 S. The American Medical Association the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association all reversed their prior positions of opposition to abortion they cited this new body of evidence purporting that abortion was fine but 9 SAFE and activity began supporting the repeal of all the anti abortion laws since Roe v Wade in 1993 the commitment of these professional health organizations has not wavered their reasoning began to suggest that the negatively affected woman or women or those who are most psychologically fragile before their abortion once again and stead of validating the trauma. The credibility of the victim was attacked. In the late seventy's women who had experienced either emotional or physical effects from their abortion started banding together and in 1902 an organization called Weber women exploited by abortion was established in 1902 they had a program. Chapters in all 50 states with thousands of members that right there speaks for itself as far as the trauma now when the this is what the. Pro-choice the advocates of abortion have to say. When the pro-life community turned their attention to the concern of abortion harming women their critics accuse them of coming up with a new strategy to bolster their agenda against abortion. When we started validating the trauma of abortion it was only claimed to be a new strategy they put it like this post abortive trauma is nothing more than an attack on the right to choose policy on abortion critics believe there is no such thing. Critics call it melodrama they insisted on not validating the trauma. Well the American Medical Association may be calling it a myth and the American Psychiatric Association may be trying to crush or suppress any recognition but the evidence of the trauma continues to accumulate. 61 percent of women feel guilty for what they've done 52 percent deal with depression still others deal with anger and sorrow. There's grief and bitterness 52 percent said they've suffered regret they've endured anguish there's re Morse despair shame unworthiness there's loneliness hopelessness hopelessness helplessness 57 percent felt self condemnation confusion theirs and Zajac their self hatred 54 percent were unforgiving of themselves they experience in tennis and uncontrollable weeping and there's a loss of dignity now listening to this you can see why so many in doubt with drug or alcohol abuse or other self punishing behaviors like cutting. Eating Disorders promiscuity suicidal thoughts and repeat abortions then there are the career problems problems with relationships friendships bonding with other children future children problems with intimacy. So the percentages on the previous slide are actually low. Delayed reactions and refusing to participate and studies are 2 factors that drastically affect this you see over 60 percent of the women surveyed reported that there was a period of time when they would not have reported any negative reaction or feeling about their abortion they reported that it was an average of about 5 years before they'd even acknowledge negative feelings and another 10 years before they would even consider confronting and dealing with those negative feelings many times many times it can be 30 years 2030 even 40 years ladies in their eighty's that feel they're about to die I call him The Lord forgive me of this there was a time when all of this was just material I've read in a book but I've been doing this long enough now to know that yes indeed there is a trauma and there is an unresolved grief that needs to be dealt with they need to be given hope. Now this delayed reaction is 1 of the major reasons why post-abortion trauma is so misunderstood and longitudinal studies 50 to 60 percent of women who have had abortions conceal it. Oh for years I concealed mine I would go to the doctor and you know how they do their little history and physical Oh I dreaded the part when they'd say how many times have you been pregnant and how many children do you have I didn't want to lie I didn't trust anybody there was no way I was going to write down 2 abortions 60 percent of women who initially consent and the short term studies changed their mind. Dr Julius Fogle he's a psychiatry in an obstetrician and he has performed over $20000.00 abortions and he insists this every woman whatever her age background or sexuality has a trauma at destroying a pregnancy a level of humanness is touched this is a part of her own life. It can and when she destroys a pregnancy she has destroying herself there is no way it can be innocuous there was a Las Angeles Times poll that found that 74 percent of women who had even admitted to having had an abortion and stated they believe that abortion was morally wrong. Another study showed that 70 percent believed abortion involved the killing of a human life violating their own moral standard Now remember this is only represents those who are even willing to take such a participate in such a study the numbers are probably higher moral dilemmas by their very nature involve an emotional and an intellectual conflict. Over what to do what to do now this conflict for many produces a powerful sense of crisis I've experienced that powerful sense of crisis and they leave women completely overwhelmed these women oftentimes will rush into an abortion without ever examining the full range of their beliefs needs feelings just in the last couple of weeks I read a study where 85 percent of women who chose abortion felt like it was the only option and you think about that that's a dark spot that's a very dark spot it's time they start hearing God's children their voices it's time we start breaking that silence. Another very sobering aspect of this is that those who are in the state of crisis are more vulnerable to outside influences the state of crisis expression when it involves a moral dilemma causes people to have less trust in their own opinions and abilities to make the right decision this leads them into a state of heightened psychological accessibility in which they become more reliant on the opinions of others expression the authority figures. What better authority than that of Jesus Christ as sons and daughters of God right. It's a pretty sobering situation but I will tell you this I would much wish 1 of those doctors had said to hand Diane just wait come and see me let's talk and you know it might not have changed a thing for me but it might have changed everything just 1 doctor. To speak up. So what about the men men have learned that the same law that gave them no right to protect their children from abortion has also quietly but effectively been telling them they should take no responsibility if you remember 3 years after Roe v Wade they shut the man down he even if he wants that baby he has no say as a result when men were asked how they felt about abortion before even realizing they were going to be involved in 166 percent are neutral even though they would be if the father of that baby it's a women's issue right. Well I ask my husband what he thought about it and he didn't have a lot to say it was legal and he wanted to support me and my decision I have no doubt about my husband's love for me but you see he had never been talked to about abortion his community had also been silent he wasn't being a jerk he loved me the best he know how at the time men faced with an unexpected unintended pregnancy are smacked in the face with a no nonsense no 2nd act no 2nd act trauma it's real and it will impact them for the rest of their life as well so how do they deal with it what is their role in this critical drama if 66 percent are neutral then basically they are clueless as far as the effects of that abortion common response is found in man. Well both may mutually agreed to the abortion or he many times pressures her to abort or someone else pressures her to abort and he just sits idly by he abandons the relationship he passively leaves the abortion decision to her she chooses abortion against his will he may not even know about the pregnancy or abortion to me years later of ever we've met men that fit each 1 of these walls it's really sad when you see a grown man weep because he didn't step up to the plate and protect his unborn child even though there's the women's right to choose factor in reality man are intimately involved in the abortion decision and 95 percent of all cases men play a central role 1 way or the other and that decision to abort and about half of these men are sitting in the clinic waiting rooms while their lover or wife is having her abortion regardless of how the decision is made men who have had a personal abortion experience are just as much at risk opposed to abortion stress as the woman some men makes perience various symptoms or problems and not even realize it has anything to do with that abortion anger helplessness relationships and grief guilt that both men and women tend to repress these feelings but men are much better with it we were driving in a car once and David was real deep in thought and I asked him What are you thinking about and out of the plume he said I wonder what our child would have been like. I tell you I was shocked because I didn't think he ever thought about our children. And we didn't allow to live men have the compasses he to deeply repress Irie is of loss and pain facing these feelings leads to a sense of vulnerability loss of control and weakness. This is when the men throw themselves into work workaholic is very common. Pornography is another very common response affairs anything to excavate the vulnerability in his attempts to maintain control relationships become dysfunctional family life suffers so we can't remain silent about this issue anymore after that 1800 helpline experience. Which offered no hope for me and then the preacher who just confirmed there was no hope for me it was 6 years before I ever trusted anyone to tell them my story. I was painfully and secure I had food hidden everywhere I spent money we didn't have him my marriage was in shambles complete shambles. But life goes on and you live the facade in fact you get pretty good at living that facade I had a 3 year old son and 6 month old twins no 1 had a clue. All right when things did hit the wall the fan my sister called me and she was dying I want you to go see a friend of mine. A Christian woman. I did and I didn't really even know what to expect I know I had gotten to the point in my life where all I could say was Lord just hold on to me just hold onto me. Well I went to her she said God lady lovely woman and she had discernment and she brought me back to the cross and she helped me pray she would say a little bit and I would say it after her and she would say a little bit and I would say it after her she loved me and I trusted her and before I left that night I shared my abortion stories with her I dug it out and I shared it with her and she was very serious with me about those decisions and she took me back to the cross and she helped me confess that sin the sin of abortion she wasn't afraid to do that and I'm so thankful for that because all because she called it a sin didn't mean she loved me less if anything she was protective of me because she knew the devil had been having his way with me so she stepped in she wasn't worried about being politically correct she stood in the gap for me and I want to meet her and have been some day well that night I got back to my sister's apartment because I went to where she was living and went to bed and all of a sudden I experienced something I had never experienced in all my life I've Sperry Ancel Ford I sat up in bed and I lifted my hands towards heaven and I felt this a wash come over me he took the completely away from me he took that I had destroyed my esophagus and the sphincter to my stomach I mean I had just destroyed myself healed all of that. My teeth were being ruined he stopped that. I believe he did this for me because he knew I would need confirmation that he had indeed forgiven me. God is good to forgive us our sense but often though since come with pain and consequences that need to be dealt with. So often that issue is tucked away that part of it no 1 knows how to deal with it but if that unresolved grief emotion isn't out with it's going to continue to surface and unfortunately this pain causes many women and men to start doubting their forgiveness we've had women call us and say I asked the Lord to forgive me why do I still feel so miserable there was more work to be done. Now this effected my life for another 20 years and over that year years I maybe shared with 2 or 3 people one's person the most don't tell anybody who have you told Don't tell anybody another person's response was I know you're sharing this with me because you want to test the relationship just to make sure I will still stay around and I can remember thinking Well boy that's a bit information to be testing this relationship with. People to know how are you doing if someone shares an abortion story with you they are trusting you it's OK to say how are you doing have you dealt with it. It wasn't until I attended a retreat for post abortive women that I was to understand the can credible need to have that trauma validated deal with my denial and acknowledge my loss my baby. And grieve the loss of that baby I had to confront that forbidden grief before I could finally forgive me. Abortions wounded are now seeking recovery programs at a record rate it can no longer be ignored the Journal of behavioral health services and reshipped search had this to say young women who seek help for distress after abortion are fast becoming a new under-served under-served population within health care primarily because they have been marginalized by the politics surrounding abortion and thus remain untreated fascinating they're not able to ignore it anymore this stress is not only a response to psychologically a psychologically stressful event but also a peri Natal grief we seem to forget that there was a child in all of this the need speaks for itself and as Christians. I'm afraid that if we don't take a moral stand on this issue and show the world and each other right here in this room who it is we put our trust in we're going to miss out on a grand opportunity to minister in the name of Jesus and we are going to have regrets possibly throughout eternity and we don't want that to we it's our responsibility just so the seed of hope to others let us Pless the Lord at all times let his praise be continually and our mouth's let our souls make their boast in the Lord the humble the vulnerable will hear it and rejoice. Oh magnify the Lord with me and that is exalt his name together Landis me the nations around us jealous God but the only way we can make the nations around us jealous for our God has to 1 Laogai to work and if we keep interfering by not trusting him how is he ever going to do for us like he wants to write we want those to see who our God is and what mighty things he can do. Specially through this Subject because that baby record lists of how small he is the workmanship of God for him. I hope. The Lord helps you to see what a gift you've been given and I and Wagner you think about the. The. Embarrassment that you might feel over having done something when you were young you stole a pack of bubble gum or you cheated on an exam and you think about the embarrassment you might feel of having to return to someone and apologize for something that you've done this woman gets up with incredible courage unbelievable courage and bares her soul on something that is so phenomenal and what's so incredible is it something that the enemy has meant for utter and complete destruction it's something he intended for total devastation and every single time she gets up and she shares her story the Lord literally takes what the enemy intended for destruction and shoves it back in his face and says Not any more. And he's using her story over and over and over again to be a conduit a channel that helps to set yet another captive free not just men and women who are post abortive but men and women young and old pastors and lay people who were held captive in their thinking when my mother 1st believe that she was pregnant she was in a very destructive relationship. Her husband was an alcoholic he was both physically and verbally abusive and she didn't want to have her baby. She had decided she was in Georgia at that time this was back in 1901 and she was originally from California and so she said you know what I'm going to give money to a friend for safekeeping and when I finally have enough money I'll go to the friend I'll get the money and I will be out of here I'm just going to go home abortions are free and California she's going to go home have an abortion for free and move on with her life when she went to the friend and said Hey I'm ready to go I need my money her friend looked at her and said what money I spent all of it it's all gone. She didn't know what to do she didn't know where to go well her husband my biological father had cut out this ad in the paper and it said hey I'm alive voice of the pre-born Columbus Georgia and she was experiencing morning sickness who knew that and so she went to this crisis pregnancy center and while she was there in the session she said Will you help me have an abortion they said we won't help you have an abortion but would you come back for some counseling and so she ended up going back for counseling and while she was there she picked up this magazine while they were speaking to her it was a magazine from 1965 and in 1965 a photographer took pictures of the baby in utero it was the 1st time that the world had ever seen the baby in the womb and it showed the different stages of development throughout the just Station period and as she picked that as she flipped through the pages she saw fingers and toes and arms and legs she had no idea that the baby inside of her was in fact alive and as she looked through those pages the Holy Spirit simply fell on her and she said I don't know what the future is going to bring but I'm going through it with my baby well that baby was me. And there we are together. What's important to understand though about our story is that our circumstances did not change my mother chose to have me to love me out the church that. The crisis pregnancy center was operating out of it literally embraced us just wrapped its arms around us not just saying you have to have this baby interceding for that life but wrapping their arms around her in that pregnancy that pregnancy and that relationship and. So it's important to understand that you know people when they are talking about an abortion the crisis situation there are a lot of very valid concerns. That women have who's going to help me the father won't support me what are my parents going to say I'm in an abusive relationship they're not concerned we should just dismiss it's just there's another part of the conversation that's very critical that we must consider well when she was so I like people to understand the circumstances didn't change and as I grew up I grew angry I grew better I grew resentful I was very wounded and my father was very wounded he had experienced a tremendous amount of pain and wounding when he was young as he was growing up and it was a cycle that was perpetuating continuing in itself and. I grew angry at the Lord I thought the Lord was unfair I thought the Lord was unjust why are you allowing me to experience this life if this if this is the race that you've called me to I don't really want to run it and so it was in that mindset that. I eventually went off to college and I began to date and I began to experiment sexually and really made a lot of mistakes that were very. Very regrettable and did turn my back on the Lord I knew I knew what he wanted I knew he wanted me to turn and I said no I'm not going to do it. What's amazing though about the Lord is that he never stops his pursuit not ever and what's phenomenal about every single 1 of us here everyone who can hear my voice is that no matter what we've done and matter what we might do in the future his love for us does not diminish even though people will be eternally lost we know that strew his love for us for them it doesn't diminish it breaks his heart when we run from him but his love for us his attitude truer to US stays the same 1 of my favorite verses has become Micah $78.00 and it says do not rejoice over me mine enemy when I fall I will arise when I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light to me and that is what the Lord was when I sat in darkness he came for me again he had rescued me out of the darkness of my mother's womb out of that what could have been an amazing tragedy and he came for me again and he's done it over and over and over and over again where he comes and he rescues and he restores and he redeemed. After I had come back to the Lord I was about to head off to law school and my mother actually had come across some information about the Sabbath day and she handed it you know pass it along to me and said really consider this and so I did I began studying and really considering me on Sabbath we were raised I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church the same church that embraced us in that crisis pregnancy they really were just phenomenal phenomenal group of people. But when the information about the Sabbath came about came came to me I was really in a place that was prepared to receive it and as I studied it and looked at it I became convinced I need to worship on Sabbath and so I was about to head off. To Virginia and I began worshipping in a Messianic Synagogue actually which I don't know if any of you have ever gone to a Messianic Synagogue with they are a lot of fun they are Jews who believe in Jesus as their Messiah and it was a whole lot of fun I really loved it but I was still searching in terms of where my true church home would be and so once again my mom had said well what do you what do you think about when you consider 7th Day Adventists and I had not had really a lot of interaction with some of the well not a lot my great uncle were 7th Day Adventist and they were very precious people but they were also very real 7th Day Adventists in the sense that of the dietary laws and this was back in the eighty's and I'm sure many of you can remember fake meat back in the eighty's it was actually quite different and it's gotten much better so much so you just you can't even tell the difference when you have fake me versus real me but back then you could definitely tell and so that was sort of my only interaction with 7th Day Adventists although they were very precious people so I went ahead and said OK I'll give it a shot and I start. Attending an S.T.A. church in Virginia and I absolutely fell in love with them I fell in love with the people I fell in love with the teaching I fell in love with the fact that they were very real these people were real just like me they were working out there so they share just like I was but they wanted to know the Lord they wanted to spend forever with him there was a genuineness there and I knew I'd come home it was like coming home I knew that I had found my husband and by His grace I would never let him go. It was about. I would say 2010 I was going to graduate from law school in May of that year and 1 afternoon I started wondering what the church's position on abortion was I had actually never considered what the church's position on abortion might be because we are commitment keepers and I went home started looking it up started doing some research and when I found what the church's position was I really had a crisis of faith there were inconsistency was there that I found extremely alarming. And I knew if I cannot join this church there's nowhere else for me to go and so I cried I prayed I struggled and I. Spoke to people about it spoke to the pastor about it spoke to a woman who acted like I had Deaconess for me about it and no 1 could reconcile the position with scripture and said we simply can't reconcile it for you so. My last Sabbath there in Virginia I was at potluck the church always had potluck which was awesome I was exposed to so much wonderful food and there was a visiting couple that was there and as I was just hashing the south really wanting an answer. The wife of the visiting couple said you don't not join the church you join and you seek to change it and. So in September of 2010 I was baptized into the Ivan a search and early 2011 the mafia began Mafia it is a Hebrew word that's me and I'm on or right there. That's a Hebrew word for intercessor and it comes from the verse Isaiah $5916.00 and it says he saw that there was no man and he wondered that there was no intercessor there for his own arm brought salvation for him and his own righteousness it sustained him we as an organisation we are committed to interceding for the value for the sanctity of human life from conception from our very 1st moment to natural death but we're also committed to interceding for the reconciliation and redemption of women and men who have experienced the tragedy of an abortion it's not just about the baby it's not just about the parents there are many many people involved in a decision like this and our desire is to set free to be a conduit that helps set captives free in every way as it pertains to this issue. What's been really profound. You began early. 2011 and Diane came on in 2013 and I prayed for a woman who had experienced the redemption of the Lord who was post abortive and but Diane Wagner Wow absolutely phenomenal and the Lord has just worked through the story he's worked through the honesty the vulnerability the stories that have come to us there heartbreaking but there are so and Le magic of the need the need is deep the need is great the need is undeniable and the question is what will we do about it the impact we've seen primarily in 3 ways that have been very very profound The 1st is the frequency of abortion when when we've spoken and we've spoken we've interviewed with 3 B.N. We've spoken to you I see in a a science at the Amen convention to doctors and dentists we've spoken at numerous churches doing seminars across the U.S.. And exhibited at different conventions as well V A but we've only focused on Adventist audiences not secular audiences the number of abortion the frequency is staggering where a woman will have had 1234 there was 1 woman who wrote this she had had 12 abortions 12 and you think very much like Diane story she's treading water barely surviving. Who is going to help her be set free. That's obvious the frequency of abortion is staggering what's also phenomenal is the way that abortion affects. Has affected us generationally where a mother will have an abortion and then her daughter or daughters will also have an abortion but they're not talking about it and so the mother will have 1 and be suffering in her own shame and then her daughter has 1 too suffering in her own shame and there was never a conversation to say I regret this please don't go go down this road or a woman will have had an abortion and her sister and cousin will have had an abortion as well it's absolutely affecting family units and keep in mind for every child that's lost through abortion there's a father of that child we have we have made a grievous grievous mistake and I love that Diane talks about the way that abortion affects men in saying that this is only a woman's issue that is a flat out lie flat out this isn't just only a woman's issue and we've done a great disservice to women by throwing this at their feet when men are equally as culpable as responsible for this situation but also just as much in need of the redemption that the Lord offers and brings. The 3rd way that we've seen. This abortion really affecting our people is in the condemnation and shame that is still affecting lives 10 and 20 and 30 years later the. What happened in Diane's story the way that it was done at a young age but wasn't dealt with fully until decades later that's pretty typical it's actually much more rare that a woman would have an abortion or a man would father a child who was aborted at a young age and they deal with it immediately and so. Were seen that these people are literally dying under guilt and shame and condemnation for 10 and 20 and 30 years I don't know how many of you have struggled with with condemnation I have. I know what it's like and I'm not post abortive it doesn't matter the enemy isn't respect or persons in that sense and if you've ever struggled with condemnation if you've ever struggled to really believe that the grace of the Lord really is sufficient for you it completely immobilizes you it takes you out as a human being because how are you going to speak about the love in the grace and the joy of the Lord when you don't really believe that it extends to you so we literally have thousands upon thousands of men and women in our pews every Sabbath morning but they have no idea what it means to truly be walking in the freedom and redemption the Lord offers who is going to help set them free that's us it's our job what really was the primary different thing in my story and Diane story because it's really critical there were people who believed not just in my value but in the value of my mother they didn't just see her as some woman in crisis to be shoved to the side she wasn't someone who you fling money at and say you deal with it they believed in her value as a human being as someone made in the image of the Lord not just my value praise the Lord they believed in my value as someone made in the image of the Lord but in her value that they were willing to intercede and say daughter please don't do this there is another way. Through their intercession through their pleading my life was spared but so too was her life they they fought for our sakes they went to those uncomfortable places to this conversation beyond comfortable yes this can be an uncomfortable conversation and yet is it a conversation that desperately needs to be had yes a 1000 times over I will say if you come back tomorrow and I hope all of you will will help you learn how to have this conversation because the conversation that desperately needs to be had and something that I've discovered in my own life is when the Lord has me to do something I feel kind of uncomfortable to talk to that person about this or hand out the steps to Christ to them or give that person some food and I feel self-conscious The Lord is that Ansermet you know when you feel self-conscious because you're focused on you jesus was never self-conscious not ever he was never thinking about himself he continually and completely lived for the other he was never focused on him he doesn't know what it's like to be self-conscious we're self-conscious because we're looking at us what are they going to think about me how are they going to respond are they going to be mad are they going to be this are they going to be that listen to this woman sed God. She's she's literally a gift that the Lord has wrapped up and said Here this is the need you can't have a clearer picture than the testimony you've heard tonight of the need and the story of redemption that continues tomorrow wow will thrill your soul so I really hope you come back to hear it. That is the need it is there and we have to be willing to go to those uncomfortable places in order to rescue to be the hands and feet that rescue this is what we have the opportunity to do the people who enter suited for my life and for my mother they did not foresee that over 30 years later I'm 35 now they didn't forsee that my life would be used to intercede for someone else they didn't forsee that my voice would be used to speak on behalf of someone else that in 1st see all that would happen in the future they did as the Lord was asking them to do they walked as he's told them to walk that's what he's telling us to do that's how he's telling us to walk the question is are we going to do it will we do it the need is there the need has been there what hasn't been there is people willing to have the conversation the people willing to say I will stand on this word of truth no matter what anyone else says I will stand on this word of truth X. 2618 says I am sending you to open their eyes in order to turn them from darkness to light from the power of Satan to God that you may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in me I love the Diane brings out your story what have just 1 person had said something what if just 1 person had said something had interceded had pleaded with her daughter do you understand that you were literally crafted. By the Lord of the universe do you understand that your child was literally crafted by the creator of the universe do you understand dear daughter that you were brought into existence by the finger of the Lord do you understand that your child was brought into existence by the finger of God Do you understand sitting here tonight that that is the value that you possess the finger of God brought you into existence. You possess a value a significance that no 1 and nothing can take away no matter what brought you here no matter how old you are no matter what roads you've walked you possess a value that is literally written on to the canvas of eternity because you were made in the image of the Lord what if just 1 person had been willing to do that what difference might it have made in her life in her marriage in her family in her church family what difference might it have made I love that she is literally a walking miracle a walking miracle but there are millions upon millions of men and women who are desperate to believe in the dark of night when they're just alone with their thoughts that the grace of the Lord really does extend to them Dian story is not typical freedom and redemption is not typical because we want to say it was my choice it doesn't matter I'm fine it had no effect on me. It has devastating effect devastating consequence and yet people are treading water and they are dying inside desperate to be set free Diane was dying inside desperate to be set free and look at what the Lord is doing because someone was willing to intercede for her if we will do this if we will accept our duty our calling we think of duty and must it's literally our calling as believers to be the hands and feet of the Lord that help to set the captive free that is our calling as believers and if we will do it if we will embrace this calling we will watch as women as men as young and old as a marriages are restored as family units are restored as church communities are restored because people are carrying around a lot of secret stuff that's not a condemnation that's a reality this issue in particular secret we've met women in ministry in the history and they've been in ministry for years but they've never told anybody about their abortion or they told us how how are we really going to share that joy when we don't really believe it's ours Moreover think of that life that actually has just been snuffed out and so we can talk a good talk but we talk believe the truth of it is ours. If we will take up this calling we will watch as a transformation literally a revolution of redemptive grace takes place and it is happening we are seeing story after story after story pop up where women and men have experienced redemption and they have to share it like where Jeremiah says the truth was burning in my bones and I could not hold it back this is our calling the enemy he had a lot of intention for me at my beginning abortion is not just an abstract idea the evil 1 intended that I would never not ever walk the face of the earth but I do the evil 1 intended that my voice would never be lifted in praise and honor to the Lord but it is the evil 1 intended that my voice would never be used to intercede for another but it does abortion is not an abstract idea it's casualties born and unborn their flesh and blood but you know what those who are rescued were dealing with their flesh and blood to the Lord is waiting for people who will stand on the truth of his word who will refuse to compromise it and who truly will be hands and feet that help to free to bring people back to the cross in redemption and restoration our desire our prayer is that you would be such a people. Person. Lord I thank you and I praise you for the opportunity to share here I praise you for these people word I thank you for their lives I asked Well 1st I ask that you bring all of them back tomorrow. I truly DEAR WORRIED that they would catch a glimpse of fire of the value that you've written on to their lives that this issue is about so much more than the rightness and wrongness of something it's about reawakening people to the value that you have given us that we possess because of you I praise you for that I praise you that we are not here by accident we're here at this time in history on purpose with incredible value destiny significant. Where you go with us as we go home praise you for your Sabbath day and what it means. And bring back tomorrow and just remember. This media was brought to you by audio. A website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about. You would like to listen to more service Visit W W W dot. Org.

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