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2. Connections

Steve Conway Tamara Conway

Conference

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  • June 19, 2017
    9:00 AM

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Father in heaven we are thankful for life and health and of course the strength we're grateful for the movement of the Holy Spirit here at Camp Meeting up and down the various core doors of the dormitories and the role ways and through people tense and try to live we pray that your spirit will concede to move in a very mighty way here with us today we ask for clarity of thought we pray that what is share might be clearly understood and applause when we thank you in advance for healing and answering these humble requests but we ask them in Jesus name Amen All right. We're going to talk like. They know by the light connecting flights I know I'd like to go even you really want to be in let me. Oh so I have OK So. But the main objective is that we know that when dealing with flight plans in our everyday lives that every relationship that God has us in cooperation with is meant to be in an ideal world for our benefit right but there are times we have relationships that aren't necessarily the most ideal whether it's from childhood or from our own personal interactions with a relationship that we've had with opposites that or different things like that so. This was not always in the sense of marriage but a principle in general that of old relations were meant to be good man in connection is better than main on his or her own Honestly most of our relationships are the most painful part of our lives that's interesting right and it says here that the father who deserves his family the mother who abandoned her children the siblings who live in the same city but don't even talk to each other right the boyfriend or girlfriend that we've broken up with the parents who are there probably only physically but not really emotionally or spiritually the church even which was. Which has no place for me sometimes we feel that way right on and on if we are honest with ourselves sometimes relationships seem to be complicated or complicate our lives and make them worse not better but why is that since God said it is not good that man should be alone doesn't that mean that relationships with family and friends accept or should be good I mean wouldn't it be easier just to have relationships with God now know about you but there are times I felt like that my life like OK it is the be me God I don't need anybody a direct but it doesn't always work out that way. If we only had a relationship with God So I would never experience hurt or pain but what we want to do tonight is want to rethink why God gave us so many different type of types of connection and experiences with relationship we want to read a couple of passages so you in the Bible and for frogs the important connection the 1st 1 is proper 277. It says its iron sharpens iron so a person sharpen is grain as iron sharpens on so a person sharpens his brain and these are taken from the New English translation. The next 1 is the clean the Athens chapter 4 verses 8 to 12 and it reads A man who is all alone with no companion he has no children nor siblings yet there is no insult all his toilet and he is never satisfied is never satisfied with riches. He laments For whom am I truly in depriving myself of pleasure this also is to time in a burdensome tack to people are better than 1 because they can read. By more benefit from their labor for if they say that they saw 1 will help to something enough but he the person who fall down has no 1 to help him a Furthermore if to lie down together they can keep each other warm but how can 1 person keep warm by and still although an assailant may overpower 1 person who can withstand him moreover a 3 strand fork is not easily broken right on the bible inside this. Earth and iron shop and I are still a minister of this branch and now the bible again emphasizes this concept that the more we are in relationship with people the better off we are the further ahead we can we can get now and look Chapter 6 Now this would this would be great if it only referred to a positive relationship. Because I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that everybody I've had good relationships and bad relationships that friendship batsmanship with life only consisted of good relationships and good friendship as Cameron mentioned earlier if we only had a relationship with God how I deal with that be then it would seem that we would be farther along but the Bible seems to introduce the concept that not only positive relationship not only do positive relationships have the. Potential to influence us towards good but also our negative relationship as well and look Chapter 6 verses $3236.00 listen to what Jesus said If you love those who love you what credit is that to you for even sinners love those who love then and if you do good to those who do good to you what credited that to you even Center do the same and if you lend to those from whom you hope to be repaid what credit is that to you even senators lent to senators so that they may be repaid in full but. Come on now you can read that but what but love your enemies and do good and Lind expecting nothing back. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the most cause because he is kind to an grateful and evil people be merciful just as your father is merciful though in essence Jesus says if you love people will love you in the big day anybody can do that I mean dogs can love their masters who feed them right so the real challenge when it comes to being a mature Christian and I like that word a real challenge when it comes to being a mature Christian is your ability to love and big can find and do good even to those who are not kind or loving or good to us so we are going to try to take another step and they have a little bit into the benefit of loving your enemies and let me try to help put this in context on yesterday we talked about beginning how how affected we are based on the we made all in utero experiences that we have and then our upbringing our childhood so forth and so on. How all of those things affect us and we talked about the importance of the new birth because of that asset Listen I've known you from before you came forth out of your mother's womb and I know all all about your baggage and so I want to press restart on your life I want you to experience a new birth I want you to be born again but when we are born to do you know when we experience a new birth and even prior to that what we want to emphasize that they are that God. Not only our good relationship but also our raggedy and rugged relationships to help us to become more like him. So. We want to we want to show you another video all right and hopefully this 1 will. This will help Michael can you turn up the the sound worth the computer have to button a computer oh wait a minute. Is Master if you just to 10 says that we are God's workmanship is massive I don't know about you but when I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I don't really see a masterpiece you know I mean maybe because of the like. But I want to be as Master P.. I want to be everything He created. And so I go to Him in prayer and I say Dear Heavenly Father. Do whatever it takes hold me in to the image of your son make me your master. He's as namer. I wote were you I'm God you said the prayer so here I am you're not God I am so the part time work OK if you're God then make it snow in here you know what I really don't want to make and snowing here and Cousin get kind of yucky and you're not gonna Why do you say that God would say yes I do it's a Greek word oh OK OK If your god what his limitations 59 say. Only 5 chapters it's a very short book Why was it so short I was tired of lamenting OK if your god is going to win the World Series I'm really not the playing games why are you so much into playing games you are a game in a way you entered my question with a question I did yeah do that don't I gotta get caught up right up here we go. Hey what are we doing I mean I'm making my original masterpiece this is the process Oh OK. What are these about these are the tools of any use to make you into my original masterpiece OK. You know not yeah I thought you were a carpenter That's my son stuff right up there we go OK. God how do you know what to chisel away and what to leave I take out everything you like that doesn't belong there kind of like dead weight speaking of dead weight G.H. is all right here it showed up when I was in my twenties around a king back fountain even though why you created that but I can't get rid of it I mean I've tried everything like I tried running I tried lifting weights my wife actually talked me into tribal Audi's that with our cord but I can't get rid of it so if you would just chisel around here and then you know if you chisel a line right here and maybe 4 to 8 lines right here that would be awesome you're funny you may be that way I also meant the plot of plus the All I'm saying is most of my children when it comes to this process they just want to talk but they don't want to do the work so do you want to talk or can I chose a talk no no no no no I choose the chisel. There my holy spirit I'm going to bring up things in your life that I want you to work on. Like your anger has. Created the emotion but you use it in the wrong way. Compare yourself to others instead of me. You tell little white lies because you want to people please. You're lazy. That you try to fool everybody by looking really really busy. In a problem of last time out I don't really have a problem you don't have a problem of lust in our to do it anytime I want. It 2nd I mean I gotta admit i feel like you've been doing some great work and I'm looking pretty good right now all right when you look in the mirror who do you see I see me OK that I have to keep chiseling away because ultimately you and other people need to see my son OK Don't misunderstand me is just when I look more like Jesus people get uncomfortable around me I mean even my church friends and they're like oh you're holier than thou you know and I don't think of those make people uncomfortable so what you're saying is you'd rather play God in certain areas of your life than for me to be got over your whole life that is not what I said is what you meant yes and. It's hard to talk to you know everything that I'm thinking I'm just saying you've done some great work they do take a break a sabbatical from each other you know I'll stay right here and then you know it's just that you never just stay right there you're in there moving toward me or away from me but never you just stay. What you do is called control do you want to control things or life or can I chose all control Chesil control those chisel to the right but can we chisel where I want that's called Control OK I'm sorry. But this right here this secret sin that you keep running to and if you're hurting angry lonely tired that you think you're fooling everybody but making you a whitewash to. I hear it from the chills of this all your life. It's a process that's not a sprint it's a marathon it's your whole life and you care so deeply about what other people think of you it's rubbish it's garbage the greatest thing you're ever going to hear is at the end of your life when you hear me saying Well done good and faithful servant that's what you keep your eye on that's the prize heavenward. Love hurts oh trust me this hurts me more than hurts you right. OK sorry I just I don't think you understand this pain pardon me you're asking me to sacrifice a lot God. Talk to me about sacrifice I know all about sacrifice I sent my son to die on the cross for pain for sin but I also did it for another reason to give you freedom do you know what insanity is insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting different results and there are things that you've been doing for years these in 1000 wells of the don't have anything to offer you've been going to them and it's insane allow me to chisel them out of your life I'm allow me to produce cure to where you keep focusing so much on your image OK but I was thinking your thoughts and I thought OK but if we want another way your ways are not I can't you can't want I can't be good that's your excuse that's your excuse is that you can't be good it's not an excuse I can't my child. Said it was good. I meet you good. To good can you not both 1. No 1 is nothing OK you wouldn't understand. I got of all the universe wouldn't understand something 1 of my children has to say. Try me. Sister. Let you down so many times. You were never holding me on I hold you up my victorious right straight hand never the other way around in this relationship I hold you up. Just just be prepared for what you're going to find him because I know who's inside you like it every morning and look at him in the mirror. 8. Because deep inside there this is this is looks good. Who gets up every morning and dresses like an adult. I go out and I try to do what I'm supposed to do but Kate OK I can't be who everybody else expects me to be God I can't even be who I want to be much less who you created me to be so inside Is this fair stupid little kid but you just always just prepared. You know homelessness so many voices. For far too long that were not for me. And you have totally bottom of the line having to. Think your jump don't you when you lay your head down and night after you've done the dance to get the hug. You think your junk. Listen to me I don't take time to make junk How can I show you that my left for you stretches as far as the east to the west can I show you that my love for you has no. I know reaching back pocket what Reach your back pocket why now you are going to me we cheer my guy yes. I disappear God I'll do that right now you're just saying my name in vain it's a name it's a saint it's a name above all names more than a Saints more than a name I want to teach you something about my name each your back pocket. Yeah. Yeah that's a it's a note I wrote it when I was in college how did you get this. I had read it. I love it and there's sign. Here got. It Here you're right. There he's saying. That he loved. You with Oh you and I both know us to. Hear you say. You wanting you to speak. So. If you'll take me. In the use me. If you all that I am. Take me. The love you got. I love you too. And I love you too much to leave you where you're the salvation that you hold I don't want to be some sentimental good show some head knowledge I want you to work it out in every detail of your life and when problems come and chaos happens don't look at this is as a prison but look at it as a father discipline his child a father disciplines the ones he loves you know what it's going to be tough Yes but you bundle I thinking everything was going to be easy when you gave everything over to me there will be trouble in this world. I want you to do something I want you to look out there and I want you to say Tommy is God's original masterpiece. Tommy is the way you see yourself are you trying so desperately for others to see you and maybe for the 1st time in your life. The way I see you the way I created you. God's riginal master. So are you. God doesn't think. You are a regional master. It's a. Video My wife and I like to share because 1 of the things that it imposes emphasizes process of getting rid of the things and us that don't belong a lot of those things. As we talked about yesterday we didn't have anything to do with we inherited them then there are other things that we have coped of 8 we have worked hard at developing. And the process of affecting us getting us to the point where we reflect the image of God is is a. It's joyous at the end of course but it is painful wow it is going on and so. I want to talk to you just briefly here about a couple of the local examples of how got used negative experiences bad experiences to mold and shape some of his people in the 1st Samuel chapter 22 verses 1 and 2 you want to read that this is David therefore departed this and escape to the cave Adam and when his brethren and all his father's house heard it they went down to their to him and every 1 that was in distress and every 1 that was in that in every 1 that was discontented gather themselves into him and he became a captain over them and there were with him about 400 Mean All right so how would you like to be David David is anointed at King when he's probably still a. Young man and we know and slew Goliath probably when he was about 16 or 17 years of age he is. He's anointed as king when he's a young man but according to what we read in the scriptures they that was a fugitive on the run from King Saul who approximately 15 years so you're anointed at Taney and then for over 10 years you are on the run from the person who has lost the spirit of God and that individual is trying to kill you. This is and. This is an amazing experience and most of us could not last with this but I want to Sereny what the what the point of inspiration has to say about this time is that the experience through which day that was passing was not what is that worth a question you don't even have answered right now are there things that you have experienced in your life that you feel are unnecessary or maybe you've talked to God like I'm a guy we can really take a detour right now we do not need to go down this road. But nothing that God allows his children to experience is unnecessary the experience to which David. Was passing was not unnecessary or fruitless got was giving him a course of what the next where say a course of this a plan to fit him to become a wise general as well as a just and merciful he so what God was allowing Dade to pass through with actually God's way of chiseling day that as it were or fitting day that to be the type of keen the pipe of ruler that God would have been to be questioned if they that doesn't know any of God's ultimate plan for his life and whatnot that they that choose to be on the run for 50 years you can answer yes no or no. Who would choose the least and the on the run for 15 years here here's the thing we know that because later on in David's life when David number the people got gave David an opportunity to choose it discipline and 1 of the choices was that he would be on the run he would be a fugitive now if you study closely the light of day that you know that he just came out of being a fugitive when his son Absalom had. You know worked the coup d'etat and he had pursued David the day that didn't choose to flee again why because that had been the road of his life he would do anything to get away from that OK so David doesn't like being a fugitive he wouldn't choose that neither would any of us choose for ourselves but remember that it was not unnecessary so it's not unnecessary that me that it is necessary and it was also from the opposite of truth less is fruit fruitful So this was necessary and it was for the purpose of bringing forth fruit in the life of David even though it was on a desirable now a another story in fact want to wow read for you I don't know how put it up there but it's in Genesis Chapter $45.00 Genesis Chapter $45.00 and everybody knows less of the story of Joseph Genesis Chapter $45.00 then Joseph there this is the favorite part of the story that everybody like if I'm honest I don't like them apart. But this is the part of life. But then I would really like this if there weren't were the other parts as well Genesis Chapter 45 Verse 1 then Joseph could not restrain himself before all them that the by him and he cried cause every man to go out from him and there stood no man with him while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren and he wept the law and the Egyptians and the House of Pharaoh heard and Joseph said unto his brother and I am Joseph does my father yet Lee and his brother and could not answer him for they were troubled at his presence and Joseph said on to his brother and come near to me at praying and they came near and he said I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt like. That why would not come close. Verse 5 Now therefore be not grieved nor angry with yourselves that she sold me head man as powerful right there did not grieve nor angry with yourself that she sold me hither why For God did send me before you to preserve life but these 2 years have the famine been in the land and yet there are 5 years in the which there shall neither be hearing nor harvest and dance sent me before you to preserve your posterity in the earth the sake of your lives by a great deliver and this is the kicker so now it was not it was not so now it was not you that sent me Heather but and he have made me a father to Pharaoh and Lord of all his house and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt men some of the most potent truths in all of Scripture. Joseph saw something in the gross mistreatment of his brother. He saw the providence of God and he saw that the treatment his brothers had heaped upon him was in the words the patriarch and prophet it was necessary for him to be where he was. And it was fruitful my soul Josephine and this mistreatment and then this cruelty he sees the providential leaving of God he sees the hand of God and he sees this treatment being use to shape him mold him to chisel him into the man that God would have him to be now it says here was the call who was the cause of justice brother's feeling about him because he didn't just wake up 1 day and say oh I'm going to define myself right none of us is born into the world with the thought that we are going to have ill will or All right towards all that are supposed to love us if you turn to Genesis Chapter 37 as does 13 leaven it gives you a little bit of a breakdown there and I'll read it for you when you're hearing this chapter 37 vs 13 let in a says in Jacob dwelt in the land where in his father was a stranger in the land of Canaan these are the generation of Jacob Jones of being 17 years all was feeding the flock with his brethren in the lad was with the sons of the lab and with the sons of the people his father's was unjust and rotten to his father their evil report now Israel love jugs of more than all his children so why did Joseph rather feel the way they did about him on their favorites as he so. Right his father favored him above all the rest of his brothers were merely saying at the say that this was not a situation that Joseph created himself neither was David's situation 1 of his own making or choosing these were situations that were created by powers that were beyond or outside their control an interesting thing about that story is oftentimes when we look at those brothers and we see how evil they were towards their their brother right we would automatically think you know what these guys are just horrible but they were also victims of their circumstance they were experiencing the feelings and the emotion of seeing someone that is in the same family being treated differently than them so everyone in that scenario was a victim and it's hard to say that when you look at the person who may be hurting you as a victim but as my husband said earlier it takes maturity and growth to get to a place in your life where instead of looking at the people who have hurt you as enemy to get to a point where you really see the hurt and the pain in their own lives and really begin to pray for them and over and above that seeing the providential hand of God and using even painful experiences and hurtful people as. Tools to help him to shape us into the individual that he would have us to be so. Why are we talking about this. Let me let me 1st put this little tabby out in the Bible the Bible does something on numerous occasions the Scriptures give us the end result and they don't always go into deep detail in terms of the Prophet right so we see Joseph forgiving his brother and we're like yes I want to do that. But the scriptures don't you know it's not as though Joseph when he was sold as a slave he was like yes this is all a part of God's marvelous plan for my life then he's working for a part of our and his wife falsely accuses him of rape and he's thrown into pharaohs dungeon Yes I'm 1 step closer to God's will be fulfilled in my life now that's not how would happen I'm sure he was experiencing life anger fear frustration etc etc But the Bible gives us the end result that's where we want to be we want to be at the place where we can say. Be not angry nor go or him or be not angry or greedy actually Well can you imagine just think of somebody who's hurt you in your life he would imagine speaking those words Be not angry nor grieve Actually them got used to you even though you didn't know it could bring me to where I am now in order for us to get from where we are to there it's going to take a lot of work and this is imperative for our healthy or in order for us to have healthy and mature relationships in marriage relationship with our parents with our siblings family members church members members of our community OK So we want to. And I may have underestimated Maybe not but we want to share with you. An activity how many of you have something to write let me see your OK All right all right so maybe we'll have enough though hopefully And if we don't have enough then we'll get some more for some of you later. But this is a. This is. An activity that my wife and I got out of the book on the D.N.A. of the nation's ship and it helps with identifying your core fear and. We suggested on yesterday that there are things that happen instantly when we come to the Lord and there are things that are more process driven so it's going to take the remainder of your life to the illogical word justification the work of a moment thank you vacation the work of a lifetime so what we're talking about right now is something that is in the realm of sanctification it deals with the process that that the Lord takes us through and this is been a tremendous help will explain how it has helped us. Here after you get an opportunity to get get a copy in your hand and we want to work with that so I'm 1 who will be able to have another 1 and if you if you don't get 1 then I'll get 1 for you later but just look on with someone close and you can go to the who doesn't have 1. Or more. Men or you just raised up all right so. They take take a look and ask you to identify a recent conflict. Argument or negative situation with your spouse a friend a child neighbor coworker or whomever something that really pushed your buttons or upset you think about how you were feeling and how you wish the person would not say or do the things that upset you you might have thought thing like if only you would stop saying or doing X. then I would not be so upset so everybody think about that now the next thing that I ask you to do is to identify your feelings how did this conflict or negative situation make you feel make you feel unsure that makes you feel apathetic puzzled upset sullen sad her disappointed weary torn up Shane uncomfortable confused worry disgusted resentful bitter fed up frustrated miserable guilty embarrassed frightened anxious horrified this star or something that is not listed by market many and by. And with a foreigner going to yes both be torn up so and we're just looking at 1 situation right now now after you've checked all of those that apply next in ASH to identify your fear how did this conflict make you feel about yourself what are the conflicts say about you and your feelings check all that applied was Star the most important feeling this is extremely important you can check the ones that apply again but. Star the 3 that you feel most apply now that you feel. Rejected. Then I give you a short explanation like the other person doesn't want me or need me I am not necessary in this relationship I feel unwanted you feel abandoned the other person is 1 ultimately leave me and I will be left alone to care for myself the other person won't be committed to me for life the cause you to feel disconnected and you get the point you can go down and check the ones that apply in this conflict that you have. And then. You can start the ones that most apply I read a few more on the on the back invalidated who I am what I think what I do or how I feel is not valued unload the other person doesn't care about me my relationship doesn't have warm attachment admiration enthusiasm or devotion if satisfied I want to experience satisfaction in this relationship I would not feel joy or excitement about the relationship if you feel cheated the other person will take advantage of me or will withhold something I mean and I won't get what I desire from a relationship worth it I am useless I have no value to the other person on except I am never able to meet the other person expectations and I'm not good enough judged I'm always being unfairly judged the other person forms faulty or negative opinions about me I'm always being evaluated the other person does not approve of me humiliate the relationship is extremely destructive to my self respect or dignity so. As you complete that and remember you are storing the 3 that most. Identify the way you felt after the conflict the next action Ashu to identify your reaction so when I went when I feel this way this is how I respond the 1st 1 is withdraw your voice others or alienate yourself without resolution you sulk or you use the silent treatment this is 1 of my favorite I mean I'm not saying it's like my favorite like favorite but I'm saying that I often do this I often do that though with my wife. Is something that my wife does pushes 1 of my buttons then 1 of my. You know tried and true response it is to withdraw I won't talk or is everything all right. You sure. You want to talk. Right so you can withdraw and still be in the person's presence or you can withdraw by leaving the person Prevo up our GOT SO MUCH WORK TO DO see you later hey can we prate No no no I gotta go I gotta win so there are several forms of withdrawal in the funny thing is we're going to see some really interesting relationship so funny dynamic because I also have. Work that play off play off we're going to read it all right the next is escalation try harder you try to do more to earn the other's love and care negative believe you believe the other person is far worse than is really the case now all of us really suffer from that right. You thinking about someone who's made you angry and you're only thinking about the negative things that they have done to you at that point you know when I get angry at my wife she can be the worst thing on planet earth never mind that she just you know me a wonderful meal and you know we had a fabulous come together I'm only now thinking in the negative Blaney you place responsibility on others not accepting phone you can vent the problem is the other person's fault exaggeration you make overstatements or enlarge your words the on down or the true and then Pancham you have bit of a bad temper and don't be ashamed to tell us that you've got to still have temper tantrum adults can happen pretensions to deny you refuse to admit the truth or reality invalidation you devalue the other person you do not appreciate what he or she feels or thinks or the defensiveness have mercy instead of listening to you defend yourself by providing an explanation I know no matter what so you don't understand I only did that because. Going in is you develop a strong emotional attachment to the pendant on the other person passive about help with Holy Ghost passive aggressive you display negative emotions resentment and aggression and passive ways such as procrastination and stubbornness and I think 99.9 percent of the population suffers from some form of passive aggressive All right so all of these are the different. The different responses. Now after you've done that you need to go on the back side of your last page or your 2nd page and ask you to do something look at the items on the number 5 look at the items you start in response to question 3 List the 3 or 4 main feeling and these are your core themes list the 3 or 4 main feeling I want to show you how how expansive this is and why we are told that sanctification is the work of a lifetime you're only looking at 1 negative experience right now just 1 and potentially you could have several or fears that are revealed just by this 1 negative experience so imagine if you were to take all of the negative experiences in your life and you were to consider how those things made you feel you'd be dealing with the. Other stuff right now under number 1 number 6 it says look at the items you start in response to question for these are your responses list your 3 or 4 main reactions when someone pushes your core fear but Alright so what I want to do now give you an example of how this what we're going to do is give an example of how this plays out in in our marriage and in our relationship so I'm a person who just as I tend to be their own physical touch you know that's the way that I you know. Experience. That someone loves me and cares for me my wife is not that person you know nobody cares about how to live right she done her mid-life right. Great It's wonderful how we miraculous how we found each other right so you know if if if I want the age you know and I'm all feeling such you know in my wife. Then 1 of my core fear is rejection my oh there are I mean what's going out what's going on what you and so as I'm dealing with this core fear button now what happens if I think it's a project on her why is she treating me like this I'm a good husband I'm a good father I haven't done anything wrong and yet she refuses to give me the affection that I need and so because of that she'll come and say hey they want to go to the store with me there's no response because I'm pretending I didn't hear her this is how I manage her this is how I'm beginning to withdraw you want to go to the store I'm busy myself Hey did you hear me do you oh well huh uh no I'm busy no 1 has the right can you of what can you watch that you know I'm not in your life because even on busy right now then I'm going to have to be leaving to go and involve myself in some and say it like that but now I have an appointment I need to go to Bob about this and the other and I'm doing this I'm doing this I'm doing it verbally I'm doing it emotionally and ultimately outdo it physically as well now when I withdraw what happened well as he withdraw then that begins to press upon 1 of my fears and 1 of my fears of the bend in. So if he doesn't talk to me or if he leaves abruptly or are you gone and I begin to feel as though leaving all my goodness and I had to be a little bit of background of this is very important we were talking about yesterday for those of you or here we're talking about baggage right because we all come into this world with the baggage of being born into sin and right there in the different experiences we have in the womb or in the families of grown up and I come from a background of abuse physical emotional sexual all those different insole 1 of those fears that I have of course is the band in it because I felt that a lot as a child and so it's funny I didn't think about that when I got married like oh my goodness I have the fear of abandonment let me you know that doesn't pop into your mind but I may get with a guy who has a theory of a just 1 big and who with all of will you it's all here we are as adults making a decision that we feel like man this is great we're going to be together but we don't realize and seal we begin to have the relationship begin to be together that oh wow she has a particular rejection issue and I have an abandonment issue when those 2 things begin to collide they make for a soup of mess and so so here she is with her abandonment things now you know when I go out the Holy Spirit speaks to me and gets a tailback Oh OK when I'm going back I'll go to the store what if I'm start all of this and I come back and pay them and if you go to the store yet I am now i'm these they don't need me to go to the store only different now she's withdrawn the what happened. So when when she when she withdraw and now I'm just talk with God I'm making an effort now to reengage and reconnect but my wife is withdrawing then it goes back and pushes my rejection my porphyria like OK God you just set me up for this then. I do not like the way this is going and so then other responses or other reaction negative beliefs you know my wife doesn't love me you know or she when you were the 1 who walked that was your plan but no no no no my wife it's her fault she doesn't love me she has problems she has this that the other negative believes it can be or try harder person you know I'm going to break her down make him and I'm going to just get her to whatever the case may be so all of these are responses and what they what it does that creates a cyclical experience in our relationship right and there are many families couple was people in church. It goes all the way across the spectrum you experience the cyclical nature of what we're talking about my buttons are pushed. I respond my response pushes her button she responds which in turn ignites me again where on America round of experience and no 1 is willing to step off in the thing about this mere around iss not everyone know that this is the thing that there are no when no 1 even knows they're on the right they just see this happening in they get frustrated they get angry they get confused unreconcilable differences you heard about that when it comes to the war that's all that that really means is that we cannot we have not come to the point where we identify what is it that's really causing the issues in the problems in our relationship and this isn't just about men and women this is about between our parish you ever experience that between a mom and a dad or you know I'm trying to communicate them and they're trying to communicate to me and we argue we but it can happen anywhere in any relationship and the you know the as he said they go a man out now listen everyone is now use that word again everyone is not mature enough to be able to or in the process of sanctification where he or she is mature enough to be able to deal with some of these issues that he has a beautiful thing about the concept that we're trying to share with you today is this the Gospel speak you look at that list what you keep that with the Gospel speak to every 1 of those who are 3 years everyone right so what God does because the Gospels because every 1 of our core fears what God is doing is he's removing the responsibility for my core fear from the other individual and now he's putting it on me. So how does this work if I am trying to get a hug from my wife and my wife with my I know I've been working on and I'm and I'm sweaty in this than the other and instantly that for fear of rejection kicks feed my tendency my natural tendency is to blame my wife what is wrong with her that she does not want to love me in a way that is meaningful but here is what happens when the Spirit of God comes in when the Spirit of God comes in when I feel that emotion I say you know what this is not my wife not she does love me and furthermore you promised me you promised me that you would never leave me and you would never forsake me so either I can surrender to my feelings or my fears of rejection or I can surrender to the promise of God's word as why say this is a process and it's a sanctifying process and this takes place now this is just 1 interaction between my wife into how many times they claim if you if you've ever been on a church bore and you're sitting in a board meeting and you have the greatest idea I mean them plan about this being polite but we wait for the next board meeting your life yeah you know I have a agenda item and your agenda item is is on the list for that day and OK now it's your turn and you get up and you present it and people are just like. We I don't think that we have money for that out with that in mind now that people just are shooting your stuff down your lot. And you you feel invalidated you feel worthless and then you start looking at the people around it's no good right and how do you feel used are going through all of these various emotions but here's where the Gospel speaks to us at our core because the Gospel says what the gap will say about worthless we read a little bit of it yesterday Jeremiah chapter 1 before. I knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb you not only know you but I want to find you and I or danger you to be a prophet to the nation the gas as I know you intimately and furthermore he says Romans Chapter 5 while we were while we were yet sinners Christ died for the and godly right in this he didn't straight it is a love toward 1 we were yet sinners he died for the ungodly so got says this is how much value you have with me I would exchange the life of my son for you so I am tempted in the board meeting to feel worthless so I can surrender to my fear of worthlessness. Or I can surrender to what God created and as we're about I can choose to believe what others think about me or what I may think about myself or I can choose to accept what God thinks about you understand how that works and it's happening every It happens when you're on the road you're driving somebody cut you off and it happens when you're in the grocery store it happens when you're in church it happens when you have a spat with your family members it's happening moment by moment and that's why it's important number 1 that we acknowledge as a lot this is a challenge we surrender it to him and then we find the promise in his words that apply it in the thing about this too is it helps you to see the humanness of everyone around because the fact of the matter is much as I love my husband he cannot be got to do. And not he is a human being he is going to hurt me and I know that sounds strange right no 1 gets married and says Yes So that was far and I know you're going to hurt yes I will I promise to hurt you no 1 does that but just as sure as God is working out salvation in his life he's doing the same for the ball in like we're all come in what we've been talking to you all about is the relationship that God has in as a god because I believe the government is to get there some of us to force relationship because we think that the other person is going to solve all of our problem Lord have mercy because those relationships in the Being a higher claiming that right but when you are in a Godly relationship you are still a man praise God but it is a Godly message what I mean by that is when God is in control he's refining you and he's making you a better person you are growing moment by moment year after year you get to a point where you can you can submit to 1 another. In love and say you know what I apologize if I hurt you or I'm beginning to understand you and you do these types of things even understand your problem you know and I now realize that this is a need of Whereas before I might wish you knew that you don't know you know you when you recognize that this is something that he needs you begin to print they got help me to be able to to supply had me it much as I are seeking right where I cannot God I need you to step in you know and help me to stop thinking what has he done for me late right. Now at the end this is important because listen as Christians we are called to love 1 another and we're even called to love our enemies and that's going to mean that we are wounded which is the reason why we look at all of those scenarios early relationship so I had with Dave that relationship Joseph had with his brothers and we want to emphasize that even in relationships where we are hurt and we are wounded God can use those things in order to grow up and in order to mature us in fact in fact this is what I'll say this is from Deuteronomy Chapter 8 your notice the Bible says he suffered the to hunger but that you My know that man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God question when the Israelites were coming out of Egypt who was leading them now when they got hungry that was in the process of God leading them yes or no let me suggest something to you if you love God and you want to be like Him God will lead you on I in 2 experiences that push our buttons. To reveal things that are in us that we did not know existed I'm telling you I was ready for translation before I got married. I was like in a row I'm coming to join you. It lives on the way I then I got married and I'm like. Oh whatever this woman done to me but in reality the pressures of this relationship reveal things that already existed but I was unaware of them and got through this relationship was a leaving me to see those things so that I could so render them to him so back back up when I was making God is going to lead each 1 of us if you say you want to be like him you say you want to be like Jesus it means that he's going to lead us into relationship and experiences that are that there where their primary function is to we've seen though our weaknesses our deficiencies and ultimately our need of him. To pursue isolation in you know it will never work and we got it. Like. Here now I know some of us with that's what we want to move the country. Nobody's that a man you want to move the country so you can be you can be a you can be away from people in your line of Jesus yes you know I am of the allowing nature had a bird think and goggles and the squirrels that up all your little garden the next thing you know you'll be running around Planet in Peril of God Like look at the people it's not the squirrel it's hope you do and so God And I want to God is going to bring us into relationships that are tailor made to reveal our weaknesses somebody said there the Bible contains 365 the year nah. 1 for every day so for each and every 1 of these 2 or 3 years friends God's word has an answer and he speaks directly and this is to me this is extremely powerful he speaks directly to the poor of who we are not just see that just because you might behaviors right but in the sanctification process to get underneath my behaviors and it gets to the root of why I respond the way I do is that what John the Baptist preacher he said the act is relates to the wrote that many of us are into that you know treatment in business will old let me stop a little bit of this and yell I'm snip a little bit of that and gotta say no that's not good enough I want to get to the root so I want to reveal to you the motive behind what you're doing and once are revealed that to you I want you to surrender they're not just on the surface but at the root level at the root level that makes sense to you all right so 1 a 1 in 1 in with with. This and just to let you know how I'm. 1st of all how good God is and 2nd of all how things that happen to us in life even though it may only be 1 instance how powerful it can be I think I was about 5 years old and I had a crush on a little girl and even though a cross was I just not she was just so my older cousin to give an agenda right Lord bless them but it's a given as a me and I remember my older cousin my brother they want me down the street and his little girl was hanging out the 1 she had little anybody of the little have a McQuery she had like the Laura Ingalls you know long hair and little they used to wrap it up and bowl the whatnot in and they started talking and like I can't remember the girl's name was and they were like Hey Stephen even likes you you know the little girl. LOL Now my father 6 years old she said her he's a bully now from that point on in my life I determined to prove my aesthetic was so I began to in my community what we used to call it is chase women and I did that as a form of validating myself now I thought at the time I was just doing it because you know hey I'm just I'm out here light when I was when I was converted it was actually before I was going to write a proposed my wife I'm praying and I was so afraid I like old or I'm going through all the things that go wrong in my mind and law revealed to me when I was there in prayer that it is this fear that had dominated the majority of your converted life is that fear. It's what was driving you while you were in an endless effort to get more girls phone numbers and yet more of this is my girlfriend and this that and the of in fact if the reason why you had all of these girlfriend because you're a great but if 1 if you only had 1 and they kicked you to the curb it would break your little heart so you had to insulate yourself from being hurt the others that were among them and I was like You mean it wasn't because I was a macho man and because I what I was like No it's because you're afraid afraid just like you are right now you're afraid to ask this wonderful woman that I brought into your life you're free to ask for her hand in marriage because you are GREAT say no or you afraid that she'll find out who you really are that more fear from the tomahawk. Nominated my life and I was 18 years ago and I didn't even know it so do we need God's grace. We need God's grace more I'm going to say that more than even realize we need is great and this is the process I've got is graciously inviting each 1 of us into the new birth doesn't settle everything that's something that happens in a moment when we believe that the crisis by the simple act of believing God the Holy Spirit have gotten you a new life you are as a child born into the kingdom of God that takes place the moment we believe that the process of God working out things that. We don't even know exists takes a lifetime now do you think that you should be in a rush to just married a 1st person that comes into your life with all that we've talked about. My wife did a little thing we were doing a presentation sits at the Petit bear cut it up into like as many pieces that she could to wrap it in the beautiful but no wonderful bow on it gave her some ideas that look like what do you think is going to they should go on the knives looks real nice on the outside Yeah but when I opened it up it was in all these pieces and her point was this that how we are we present ourselves as a nice package we look great on the outside but that's not what most important what's most important is who am I on the inside and not pieced together have I been placed on the potter's wheel like Jeremih things they don't yesterday has a lot then it is a lot in the process of putting me back together again am I on the path. Just to encourage you it is this paper take it with you and really do it more often do it a lot because as you continue on your process and your journey of becoming a Christian you're going to just go through so many different things and tell is going to transform the way you look at everybody around you is going to transform conflict in your life and your job school everything and you're going to be able to see the needs of people more than you ever have in your life and then you are going to be in a responsible position to pray for people to pray for them and pray for yourself and God reveals to you that you have a certain fear go to your knees and pray and talk to God about it you don't want to be controlled and Satan loves he loves to use us like puppets right and he'll throw things in our direction because he knows I'm right he's washed up our whole lives and so he knows what your core features are too although we surrender ourselves to our father. I tell you what the power that God gives you to be able to stop dead in your tracks and say you know I will not be controlled by this. And by the grace of God I will be praying for those around me that God exposes these fears to me about well. We don't have the question what we'll do is on tomorrow open up in. The question down if you want or you. Know. This mitzvah month. This media was brought to you by audio to a website dedicated to spreading God's word through free sermon audio and much more if you would like to know more about audio verse if you would like to listen to more sermon leave it to W.W.W. dot audio Verse dot org.

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