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Healing the Hurting Heart, Part 1

Nicole Parker


Nicole Parker

Wife, mother, and Biblical counselor



  • December 31, 2009
    2:30 PM
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I have written before you group of people that you know each one of our individual heart is somewhat hurt into this room each one of us has rooms doing I love the stories that you do anything to help each one of us to see how your work life is my things out change that brings convenience to truly experience you reprinted to open our minds and hearts that we need to understand your Latin deeper and more powerful than ever before thinking the right eye and I'm talking in this seminar I love me I love me not part three but I'm starting the topic at healing the hurting hearts come anywhere here are one or both of the anarchic morning okay the you got a fair idea what I'm talking about here I what I talked about this morning about the world help you you got a be beautiful perfectly good company for love by somebody in order to be worthwhile valuable lot and the Bible God love the immeasurably so we have to figure how to internalize that love of God but the reality is most of things that hold us back from really be able to understand God 's love we know you love the CIA that God loves me the way that really geeky when I'm hurting the things that I'm naturally drawn to that I feel I can live with and how does God follow those problems is how you about a young man who came to me not long ago he looks so together great love he had a beautiful girlfriend everything looked great but in life behind the scenes with falling apart his father and on I really a boy and finds his mother had taken out a lot of her frustration on hand he chose him out of his handling and actually would just be mean to him she would biblically be violent working express her anger towards him neglect and abuse and and now as an adult he found himself still battling with the same feelings that he felt the little boy the same overwhelming emotions the thing that kept him back from being happy of a little boy were now filled with them no he wasn't under and mother 's control anymore but practically those chains were still finding him there was the holding them back from freedom in Christ he went to church every week he was tried on the right thing what was wrong and he came tenaciously trying trying to build a relationship with God what's going on in my life what how can how can God get through to me I'm doing everything I know it's not working so I started talking with him about what was the root issues going on in his life when he turned to to make them feel good when he didn't feel good and it was hard for him to figure it out you know very often when we're going to that the broken cisterns of the world we keep wondering if that's holding me back my why am I not feeling happy and successful and fulfilled but because we are truly experiencing the love of God in a way that impacts on the deep places of our heart nothing is happening for him and you know we actually are a country that all of this problem you know in our country nearly think you know looking at from other countries perspective is like wow given in America you have clean water agency turn on the author there is you can take a hot bath in the hot and cold water wow you know you can just change your thermostat you can don't get any kind entertainment you want to sprint after Davies and our life at the music store whenever you want we got close comfort entertainment good everything we need and yet such a miserable country major depression is the leading cause of disability United States the main thing antidepressants are the most prescribed drug in the United States we are profoundly unhappy country because many people dislike that will employ never figured out what is going on my heart hold me back from being it experienced the love of God like I said it was there many people who don't even try that in the church and I thought all that but I don't think that those of us in the audience are for the most part from that group which wanted to know God we want to know God wanted to gain through when it did not hurt far I would say there are three categories of things that hurt us the number one and then there committed against the second beast is that we commit ourselves and the third is visible results of living and sinful world note there are just things that happen diseases things that none of us can control that just seem to happen natural disasters these consequently but there's very little control that we have over them I'm going to talk in this seminar primarily about us things that are committed against them how do we heal from those in the next session I may be talking about how to deal with the things that we've committed how to heal from those mistakes and find hope and comfort to deal with those those painted parts eight I come to us and the room living a sinful world the same principles apply to dealing with those but because you work through the issues in these two categories that helps you to deal with the other thing that happened I think that's we are now in the world we just can't control what happens to us we like I think we can we tried to but it's just a reality of life God is not purpose to take us away from suffering in this world that you want to use it to refine us to transform us into his image because that whole purpose of life on this earth being me created in the image of God but he can take the claim he is not the enemy is to make clear what is the energy according to the Bible and if anything is the thing that we need to fight very often especially in our culture we think painted the enemy finally got a headache when they do take a Tylenol writing you try to find something that will take away the pain and other cultures like an Indiana where they figure you know if you are in pain or your maimed or something 's wrong with you well it's because you're batting your last life people have the more fatalistic approach the paint now it's just the way things are and everything about it I don't have a house and I can drink and live on the sidewalks of ethanol do Jan there's not a lot that they can do many times about their life their learning of an untouchable caste system may be done away with but it's still alive and well they can't do anything about it and so they don't have any illusion of being in control of their lives we think somehow we can make it happen if we just try hard enough right and we ignore the fact that sometimes they wait these bills are not sometimes it just may happen we can do a lot about it the Lewicky penis the enemy they naturally we see an effect of the solution and many people you know it as amazing as it is to me and I'm always seeing your people come to me they won't know what I really want to I just want to be a pain well you can go crack open a few beers and what they want to get out of the goal is to get out of pain the Bible living a healthy with that the Bible is going to help you deal with thin and as you deal with and allow God to do the deep marketing event in your life you really painful but it will bring you healing now I can promise you now the pain will go away but I've certainly seen my own life where I battled with depression and daily constant basis before very more entertaining all depression as a result of you know you're a sinner and a distressing online only give anybody the wrong impression about that depression can come from a lot of different sources but I know some people who come to me and talk about their depression are harboring sin issues they are dealing with things that think they know they really should be doing this I know it can affect it helps them deal with the pain and then when they're there suppressing that payment is still there not only does the pain keeps getting worse and worse until eventually the Tylenol doesn't work anymore need something stronger something more intense but the problem is growing bigger and bigger in their mind you know in the world you hear about denial denial is just a modern word for lying to yourself the Bible talks about lying to ourselves it says that people like themselves and it shows that any benefit that there is life itself they are eager for the fun of writing it he refused to believe it we can lie to ourselves the Bible talks about how people live for themselves in as much as we like to think now I'll have a problem with that well if you're lying to yourself and say no no I'm really fine that it has in the past it's all over I'm disconnecting a happy song and you know print like to go on one of sometimes there came that we need to process because God has created with the desire to love and be loved is nothing evil about that work for I mean when God made the matter for communion with him for now many of many rebellious choice they sell them thought that I will put enmity between you and the woman at the problem that means that any time that we're turning then infinite to Christ to satisfy the longings of our heart will feel restless will feel thirsty will still have that ate dinner in our heart that void that tells us anything and we might feel okay Warren Harding we might feel okay or doing whatever it is that makes us feel that a little while the only light at night were staring at the ceiling and I'm looking for wife hurting me because God knows that their sin issues that need to be dealt with in the physical world illustrate spiritual world if you come to me and gases the sword in her right on the lead entity and pain many have gone through that in our childhoods someone hurt us maybe on purpose maybe accidentally but at first but when I respond in a simple way by trying to protect myself by trying to live in fear London and make sure that nobody ever hurts me again anytime anyone comes close to me on the watch out your best illustration appearing within it's not easy in that you say well if you die in your living in fear while you're not to be able to go to heaven is and what the Bible says separated from the peace that God wants us to half things that are not unto death but still causes tremendous suffering God wants to deal with those things this morning we talked about this self-reliance which lies at the heart of so much of our control issues we want to rely on ourselves and that's what leads to fear of trying to take care of myself and know it will hurt me as nobody could care me and I got hurt no man take care myself and nobody can hurt me I felt protected and that the way that God calls us to live I will say that gave himself a laugh knowingly and hurt Dean is not the enemy that's the summary pane is not the enemy finish the enemy and when you have changed you can look back and see where that pain come from is a thin permanent committed against me maybe I need to forget maybe I need to come to grips with that pain in the defendant on committing in response you know that the little kids has been being all their lives and then when you hold down the plaintiffs whatever they shrink away not that the evidence of than trying to protect himself it's not evil them to do that but when you're an adult and you're still living that way constantly pulling back it can damage a relationship that people can interfere with your ability to minister and to live in opening joyful communion with our fellow believers at the way that God wants us to live he called the fire he wants me to talk about today how do we let God fat-free pain may be inevitable but sin is not inevitable which is a good illustration I think that if I talk about this a little bit this morning when you have longed in your hand and it stone dry in your person and I think full of water what happens to the sponge people about how it's it's sopping wet and we as human beings are thirsty where like bungee but the problem is often we feel that players that need for love is nothing wrong with being thirsty God created us thirsty beings the Bible refers for hearts of thirsty but when you think that funds into the love of God and it comes up dry again there's something wrong in their the problem is ours I'm just been put in spite of the block bag sealed off without pay on the defendant out without this morning I'll fix it we immerse that the lock bag NMR hour later we bring out to dry with wrong and certainly thought maybe I just need more time with God the next day we spent two hours with God we still dry and all right I may read an entire book of the Bible every day I'm can I go out and do service on the preach to make a difference maybe I can go to be evangelistic series somewhere fixed it I'll spend more time in prayer all start a ministry whatever it is our hearts are still thirsty because there's a Ziploc bag around my heart blocking out the love of God to meet what is that the plot what does that represent what is it due to our heart how do we get through the mail that Ziploc bag to meet seemed like a simple attitude or sometimes an inability to understand the love of God sometimes it comes about because someone else has never misrepresented God to us the love of God does not satisfy her heart because we don't know how to internalize it we don't know how to drink again visit had been committed against them or say that we have committed make us go to know God loves me but I really want is something for someone something that will qualify that craving instead of God you know it's like a broken cisterns he dreamed about the Jeremiah termite chapter two this is not a new concept thirsty hearts and around since the beginning of time Jeremiah chapter two verse thirteen him Jeremiah two thirteen for my people have committed two evils they are citing meet the fountain of living waters and do not distance himself broken systems that can hold no water the class talk about that little bit more our broken cistern are the things that we flee to instead of decrying and likely talk about this morning the item must crumble God has to make a broken cisterns dry at the relationships follow parts the things that we thought without bias and up not working out the way that we thought someone else does and we do someone else when someone else accomplishes what we wish we could've accomplished to compare ourselves to others we cannot does that I did it but he wasn't good enough maybe if I do more about fixing it like where crawling through the dancers and then we find no out there is worth the satisfaction and somewhere out there is the oasis but right here drinking I can drink hazardous drinking fountains etc. finally select and it's not then when we drink from here the less they want to go there more until I can't get what I want right here with our relationship with God if I have a relationship with this person or I can get what I want out of expedient for whatever it is that we find those things will never ultimately passed on because of the sinful mentality that leads us to sleep sometimes it is committed against our or something that someone else was down there their way of life that has impacted on our that hurts us profoundly I'm speaking about mostly what happens with our families not wanted I want to give you a bad impression of you know all parents are responsible probably are children of weaknesses but the fact is many parents him that where their children permanently were very deeply and all of us having come from parents you know everyone has a different story but you have perfect parent needed and now that I have children I realize there are no perfect effect on anatomy the rebel there are no perfect parent and therefore all the way wounded in some way you know it's interesting gone in the garden of Eden he set up a perfect system as many would have children and babies were born a little baby you can tell little baby now gone is up in heaven you can't see him but he loves you little lady don't get that they were what I wanted to do they don't understand something conceptual for many years so they need something tangible who shows them the unconditional love of God to prepare would be the one who had children and those children will be raised by perfect parents who would perfectly reflect the unconditional love of God to those children the parent can grow to understand God 's love and a new and deeper way the children would grow to understand God 's love continually I met the parents raise those children eventually they be able to take the child hand in hand in hand of God figuratively and bring the two together for this child understand what God is the one who found all your likely well can tell you God love them and God is so much love in our hearts and you're walking to ring that in conversation mommy I will much glad to the much more wonderful I ever get water supply felt to hear that but I also realize I'm not a perfect parent but I want my children image of God their concept of who God is at work by the fact that I get impatient and would you please move or are you have to get the mail to you thank you I see I'm starving I got a got a seminar you should children children build our character as they say children keep you young but first they make you old that they are doing that to me I want to be too hard on parents but the reality is your environment like unconditional love their children and no parent has done that perfectly and history of the world so everyone grows up with a somewhat warped concept of God sometimes those concepts of God are significantly warped by the mistakes our parents made me talk this morning about happiness -based living versus holy faith living in my driven primarily by the desire to be happy or primarily by the desire to be holy if my goal is happiness all never cheated if my goal is holding I may be able to find both happiness and holiness because God has ordained for us to live holy lives within a powerful measure of peace and joy within us the enemy will always be happy if you're truly a Christian the only all happy happy joy joy now I want to pretend that Jesus life wasn't that way neither were very many of the apostles live in most of the people back in history who gave their lives totally sacrificially for God so why should we expect our life to be totally happy that we prosperity gospel being preached all over the place because nobody wants to hear you give your life to God he's been making the life of sacrifice we all want here in Alaska got you now have to you won't believe it I'm afraid that not a good goal if you give your life to God in order to become happier still fun and really selfish with their but if you give your life to God hey I alluded to you the God of all creation you created me in your image in redeeming by your black aisle everything to you and all I pour out my heart and great collaboration there's a tremendous faction that comes from that life may be difficult but it will be so immeasurably worth it will be so immeasurably fulfilling I just wore yourself out like a drink offering and see the wonderful things he does know when I gave my life to Christ I felt like I was stepping off this cliff into blackness there was nothing down there that I can see and I just heard that voice within this united Wednesday the Wildcats you like ride and the only reason I was stepping off that question to full surrender to Christ but because there was no other way out I couldn't live that way anymore I was depressed I was suicidal but hey I got to try the God thing before I tell myself is whether work so I did I gave myself to Christ and I thought well this probably means an area get married in America have children not that I really wanted children that much but I certainly didn't think it would be so great to never get married on this in my whole life and sacrifice no fun dancing and partying all the great things that you know what I have such a rich fulfilling life as a Christian United UIC and I think hundreds of friends people I love people who love me when I gave myself to Christ I lost my friend all whole I moved to Academy I went what kind of Academy and I got a couple of letters from a couple of friends back then we didn't have cell phones nobody's been in touch with anybody and you know there was no Facebook there is no Internet may be the week we didn't stay in touch my friend fell off the face of the earth when I saw them once in a while in the next few years but you know that I thought I was strange by now you know I'm a holy roller and he he I started a new friendship network from scratch I met two people of my new friendship network is before I knew there started a new life with Christ and it was very scary I will lie to you but it was also just the most exhilarating journey of my life covering what it meant to be totally surrender to God and now I'm married the man of my dreams I have three healthy happy children I could never have had anything like that if I kept clinging to myself even if I married a wonderful person even if I married the same person we would not had a beautiful wonderful marriage because I would have been it thinking for myself I want to be happy if you would just do this that I can be happy when she stopped doing that so I can be happy if our goal is happiness will destroy marriages will destroy our relationships with other people will destroy our relationships with their parents or siblings or friends everywhere we go will be using people to try to get happy leaving us to try to get happy to that fellow playwright God has a plan for which you sent it off me I want to give everything back to you but give it to you in new ways that you can't even imagine to what happens in our families growing up both of us have experienced significant pain from our families of origin in the America about half of Americans have children witnessed the breakup of their parents marriage is an forty percent of children growing up in America they are being raised without their fathers up a tremendous amount of heartache there effect of divorce the research shows that children of divorce tend to get lower grades and have three times as likely to need psychological help the teams that have more psychological problems than children from homes disrupted by the death of a parent it's better to have your father die and having about it doesn't even experience that may agree knowing that he couldn't stop himself to be removed from you is very different from knowing each other very greater risk for injury and my headache each defect and numerous other health problems and if your parents they together necessarily mean that because they didn't get divorced so much better off there so much abuse neglect so much suffering in families where people stay together I grew up in a home that was torn by conflict over time my parents never divorce and I'm glad for that to make things easier now you know we don't have to go between different houses and villas that parents not think that many of my friends have to deal with making the right to allow for living intention not knowing whether we were to have no a happy meal that evening or somebody's been a blowup how to be miserable it was it was a difficult life and I don't I don't think that just because your parents they together means that you're not wounded eighty four percent of prison inmates were abused as children one in three girls and one in five boys are sexually abused by an adult at some time during childhood those are official statistics most of my girl friends growing up and then sexually abused all the way through my teenage years it was that had then and now inhabit pornography addiction and all the things going on I can't imagine it getting any better I believe over fifty percent of girls are sexually abused and probably inadvertently more than one in five five blades don't think the same guy with sexually abuse no longer sexually abused twelve anybody ever touching a way that you felt was appropriate actually or through their watch you look at you well yeah but I was never sexually abused those things can be very damaging and we often just say no I'm fine denial remember it's the lying to yourself sometimes we have to examine the face-to-face is there something that still wounding me from the things that have happened to me more than a what is our parents or someone close to the child whom he can want our children about snow watch out for the big background streetcorner there but most of the people who abuse children are close to them is more damaging to them that way the demo lots that we can work their image of God so significantly different when I think love them results of using one in ten babies is born to a mother using drugs now days we can look at Halo draft outside the church but inside the church things are so different but divorce statistics and conflict at home without they are just about the thing inside the churches outside the church because very few parents are totally converted very few have really given their life to Christ and allowed him to mature them intimately need to be and unfortunately it's not getting any better most most people get married because they think it'll make them happier and therefore when the Americans making them happier to try to make the other person make them happier that kind of conflict in the hall if I hear doesn't help children to grow up feeling loved and accepted though their image of God the work they tend to go out to the world and look for a spouse will either need to does nobody ever satisfy their needs growing up the parents were not loving them their parents were demanding and you get better grades long to do what I wanted to do if you would just do that would be happy they were creating cycles everywhere of damage and an appearance by no means the only one for them just neglect bullying name-calling ridicule extramarital sex exposure to porn violence and other addictive behaviors things like that can't immeasurable damage to people even if their parent can be loving you know I went to summer camp once when I was against twelve or thirteen I spent a weekend or camp and there was a boy their name to type laughing at the first African he gave decided to start picking on me and he persuaded whole pattern of little boys to pick on me and all week long they perform in Sydney they tried Dragon paper the talent show for they can do something embarrassing to me they made fun of me in the cafeteria everywhere I went you were just demanding assaulting me calling the pig eyes and things like that you know for years and years afterward I was so sensitive about my eyes little big enough bullying can be severely damaging neither farewell bullies just you know what sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me I never help at all when a child is going to bullying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will break my heart so all of us have gone to some kind of damage even now many people and they come and talk to me and I think I'll tell me about what went on in your life as a child now and now actually had a great childhood now I don't really have any baggage from back then well yeah my negative kicking around town then but you know that's the way it is right you usually go through these things but in order to survive we develop coping mechanisms MRI on top I need them anyway I need anybody I've been able to take her myself from young age I raised myself I had my friend that was all I needed whatever it is that we've done to tell ourselves I really need my parents often that builds over into the mentality I really need God either I can take her myself now of course if I know I can't take your time to talk to God but often we had these trigger points that that we blow up too easily over something you know I've had people sort of you know they'll don't talk to me about how lightning will I long really well then how can it be just as this one thing I can't do that if he calls me back I can't stand it he says anything about my weight will live such a big issue and go back well actually about how my mom and my dad always called me back down they said lawyers and sheet in a little chunky we need a layoff on the peanut butter don't wait note that little things that parents might not even consider significant and yet they had huge impact on child and then when they come down ten years later and he says something small but the trigger who there's that reaction is not proportionate to the situation that because it's like a minefield got this minefield without knifing green grass everything looks beautiful and walking across the beautiful walking all of a sudden booming Eagle well what was the reaction that totally not proportionate to the situation tells you something going on behind the scenes and you get to the root of it because there's something that under the surface in reaction that hurting you same event this is what holds of like that many of us are like that we know where the topics is one of those old-fashioned puppets you know that like across the here and you know you you can move the puck that by moving the prospect or middle blocker they pick up their arms and things like that well our parents are like a cross at the top and we are like a puppet but there are these strings in between our parents may not be doing anything to us anymore we're not even in contact with somebody else is in close contact with brushes against with a stranger while we jump what was once something like that happen to you realize there's something going on behind the scenes there's a resentment is an issue in my heart that connecting these my parents knowing your little kid and apparently things to you and you react a certain way no different ingrained that her parents responsibility only not a kid anymore your response will for your own life when I thought my children now and I think here I'll be careful don't touch anything you know in the different dishes and that you know in a China shop if she reaches outbreak something to pay for it needs if she's fifteen and she redesigned break something it is really expensive we may share the cost of it or something like that twenty five coupon around his campaign for herself right this is how it works as we get older and older we sometimes are still control our nose chain that binds the strings are still there because we haven't severed our sinful responses to defend against when someone send against me it may be electric wounding my arm but then it's not the pain in my infection response you know when and if somebody crammed a bunch of dirt into that wound many healed over superficially on the outside and there's an infection raging down inside of your heart sure it can hurt on and try to protect it from a different over looked like a flat my arm I hope that you can imagine when Christ comes close with his scalpel of truth with your learning that open for you we know we had some wonderful know we do everything within our power to me not that I don't go anywhere close to what hurts me I don't want you to cut me but he wanted to heal when Christ comes to us and says running with one on the surface air why do you overreact why do you feel this way when someone says that into you when somebody says a guy you what makes you feel that recoiling you is it because you haven't yet forgiven that person is in the I committed herself health protection I'm not to let anybody ever hurt me again the way that the length of her nonbiblical laden with you cheat yourself out of such rich fulfilling when you're always committed to self protection I see people who have been married for thirty forty years K have you ever thought of talking to your spouse about how you feel she now UK will talk about stuff like the orthotic writing about with them now we we don't we don't want because we don't okay would it be better to be able to hypothetically talk about husband one guy I can be in a different life in a different family in a different relationship your will and anyone went that way what holds you back the chains that bind of puppet strings where unwilling to let go of our sinful way of relating to people and so when someone reminds us of that relationship in the past we jump we relate sinfully again we we react in anger or a withdrawal don't mess with me to talk about it I'm not to go there the things that other people have done to hurt us they hurt for a while that the wounded and hurt an odd way of healing is that we keep that wound open we let him love you traits and beauty the antibiotics another keep keep all the infection out and heal from the inside out rides rather than having a superficial kneeling it's okay I do need anybody I can take care of myself that superficial healing that leave the infection down inside of damaging it that much more harm than good to have a lot of the stuff that I but in that stuff down and I have dealt with and allowed out come dine other ugly ways this infection I may suppress it could go the way my arm I want to come up on my back and upon my life and my summer Al I may say no my dad just you know he abandoned me but that's okay I dealt with under Don doesn't matter anymore as in the past I forgiven and forgotten lighting up but then it comes up in my compulsive need for male attention comes up in my need for mailings must be if I finish you maybe I know will react in the opposite way by Honeywell anytime anyone wants me sexually I'll be incapable of saying no editor the winning honor David B but when we press on in spite of our heart instead of dealing with letting God clean it out and feel it from the inside out it comes back in ugly ways it always does then pushed back down within her heart is always filled me anger you know the Bible says let not the thunder down here around and not a literal okay three minutes before sundown when we talk about that afterwards I got twenty four hours to repent writing its resentment at the thin anger is not then being able to be angry and out somebody get my child I would be angry at my if you hear about a child being abused you get angry at the talk to some people and I say nonsense really happened in your life they tell me this horrible story views that make language now forgiven and forgotten okay so hypothetically if you heard of that happening from the health care without making angry all at the enraged black vanilla hold myself back into my hands on a person on angry they're so angry but they're repressing their line for themselves because the thought of having to deal with that much pain too much note note note list a few whatever the proficiently slap on Band-Aid anesthetic and go find something else to know go watch a movie and I'll feel better right the we now know better on want us to sometimes confront the pain of my life not because he enjoys paying any more than we do but because he wants us to experience his love new and deeper way if you break your leg and I walk over to your house and be healed like your field how wonderful let's pray but how modify come and take care of you for a year nursing back to health e.g. to walk again will be more of a relationship now the story is told about shepherds who used to break a leg of an unruly land that they can carry that lamb around for weeks while the with the leg healed when the lamb would run while the time before the lamb was constantly in danger of being killed by Wolf after that land had been carried by the shepherd for several weeks when it could finally start walking again you'd think it would run away no day with the shepherd with Christ allowed to be wounded in remaking the Gila is not his idea that people think that some people say well you know I just expected because this is obviously living on one to be in my life will be gone ordained addresses brothers founded the slave than against them the daughter again the conifers like try to seduce and then lie about it how do we worship a God who is now far above depending on circumstances this life that he can transform anything into the tools we use it I will that's ever going now very good question how do you let the wound heal yes it the question was how when we say in this hypothetical you know you don't want to cover over the word you want to let it heal how do you actually do that when I talk about that you see or when we feel we got into everything when our power to protect ourselves and we hope we can get rid of the infection somehow on our own but I want to use the sharp two-edged sword to cut through the protective layers and to show us where the planet then we repented and Lord I realize now I was relenting eye had pride I had this rage within me that I wasn't willing to get you then it takes time healing takes time right physical healing takes time to learn how spiritual are you are your broken arm is not healing today right emotional healing takes time to go on wants to teach us to heal by being the wounded healer himself as soon as the enemy not seen when relieved of the inevitable pain of living in a fallen world becomes our priority at that moment we leave the path toward pursuing God after the inside out page seventy nine great book by the way when pain relief is our goal we become committed to self protection when becoming like Christ is our goal we open ourselves up to be wounded if necessary in order to become like Christ sometimes that means confronting why do I overreact to the situation sometimes it means sitting down thing many of this about my relationship with my parents that makes me incapable of loving them or listening to them or responding welfare Council what are the things that hold me back and it takes some time as an introspection for seeking the word of God the choice before us is rather start either lives to be comfortable or live to know God we can't have it both ways one choice excludes the other at inside out page ninety nine put this presentation together and then we ordered this book and find out quite well that there are so many things in here that parallel exactly what I'm talking about here this book is about being able to confront your brokenness and well Larry that not a headband I know I don't know if philosophy is on everything I found this book to be very biblical in the things that he's written left knee went on to Ganymede on Eden he did it out of love we gone allows that to suffer as the result of sin either someone else within our own he allows us to suffer knowing that those were can draw closer to him they can become the most effective tools in the world to bring us to Christ those who have lives homeless out of the darkness in the cold being a victim of the elements may appreciate having a warm soft comfortable bed in a nice warm house much more than those that had a nice warm house and I thought comfortable that all of their lives right they both are sleeping in the same kind that is the same type house but those who don't like to be with our always amazed how can we have given me something so wonderful we tend to be ungrateful sometimes when we had the blessing for a long time but when God allows us to be wounded many feel that the relationship they want to build just amazing and were overwhelmed by his love for the results of being hurts there's fear or anxiety loneliness anger some depression now the present results from that most depression I find that least pushed along and stimulated more even if it was a physical origin by having wrong mentality on L and I can't do a thing anyway no one loves me anyway we see that negative thought or live life straight from the double and those they push us farther and farther the need to control addictive relationships often there is there really no lord I'm so sorry I messed up again I think that the relationship comes from trying to find in the person what only God can get me compulsive behavior things like cutting down sure some of you know people who cut me become you have that problem in a cutting yourself so that you can feel something is a natural result often going into denial you see when you cut yourself off from feeling pain no career protect myself or not to feel the pain anymore you also cut yourself off from loving and if the entity shallow experience when you can't feel long and you can't feel pain you start becoming emotionally numb it makes sense I want to feel something and people will cut themselves in order to field me want to feel some pain they mentally and emotionally shut themselves off so completely that they are incapable of feeling emotional pain therefore they try to feel physical pain as a result at one one way to become a cutter other people go to eating disorders or something like that because of their need to control different different rate and there are fewer if they can waste a lot of different fruit and fruit vendor the things that we tend to realize food that was then shouldn't mess around with that girl I should have read that book I shouldn't watch that movie but the freight fans are often what we repent suddenly forget about the recent we don't deal with a roof and because it's too painful lanolin have to deal with that part of me that's ugly many people come to mean a lot going to count playing you know I'm not a certified counselor my master 's degree in biblical counseling but unconvincing the counseling is never how nonexistent there and listen to me but you know it hasn't really solve the problems often psychotherapy and even Christian counseling focuses on with the person went find the answers within themselves you think philosophy now that you actually have the answers within yourself I will set our hearts are full they went against we can't plumb the depths of our hearts we in ourselves do not have the answers waiting until it becomes difficult for you on having an affair rule really rethink of the solution well I think I need to leave my wife and run off with my girlfriend really okay well that's the solution examining yourself making anything a little deeper and so you know the solution to my problem is an abortion pollution is not my problem with acting out sexually while now we can compare our life for the word of God as Christians and account when I believe every Christian should be a counselor helping one another to understand a counselor biblical responsibility is just to help other people understand how the word of God applies I asked what Michael is the counselor when people company that was going on my life I thought about the physical behavior is raised will want to deal with the roots I'm doing okay you know we can fix things I know our relationship is a little off track alone will get back on track will will be able to work through out five he thought about maybe he giving up your relationship in order to focus on God alone now we can do that you know I had someone comes in a few months it would did have the courage to break off the relationship because she realized print the Lord that she and her boyfriend are driving each other farther from God they made a mutual decision to break up while they still were very crazy about each other in order to focus on their walk with God with no hope that you will get back together to get things right can't need a few weeks you would like that they gave up and went to the agonizing of surrendering himself to God you now the beautiful thing to watch she said shutting off a lot of tears on our couch but that's okay I is not the enemy will have watched her growing in a beautiful way to give yourself to Christ the only way she's finding and God answers that she could never should stay together with the way sometimes the most painful way on the outside planning means not the most painful way when you get from God 's only people I see they got married because I couldn't bear to break up and make reward themselves with a hundred fold the pain that they would've had a failure just given themselves themselves to God and faith that pain of going through a breakup at that time later on but children who are paying the price their suffering day-to-day wishing you know I had a woman coming out long ago I made that decision running have to bear the consequences the rest of my life she's been married for forty years the terrible feeling I would appeal to you if you are in a relationship that you know the Lord is leading you to get out of that you don't have the courage give yourself to God in a deeper way after one is that once the roots where is idolatry in my heart why do I feel that this relationship is more important to me than you where is self on the front of my heart for the volunteer cry herself right if my life is devoted to holy man or my life is devoted to happiness the fruits will be shown in the way that relates life relating to the relationships that I have is your God concepts of the lock bag isn't something that holds you back from being able to understand not what you see when God ordained that parents reflected unconditional love for their children and parent history misrepresent God they warped children's sense of worth and love ability when their child no longer feel I am infinite value why they are the fact that God created man advantage in renaming is live what more evidence could there be that I live when children don't have that concept apparently misrepresented by all parents do myself included all parents misrepresent onto their children and family then children need to be enabled to go to the word of God and find what God is really like their really don't do that we risk continuing hardening ourselves in the attitude of relationship where God this makes children perceive God as unloving and from my big God is not one who love them just the way they are and yet has an infinite plan out how much more they can grow well let me if I just do everything in one wanted to try really hard but when you're trying to do something in order to be loved and never fully believe in that love you know if I clean house in order for my husband loves me I think the best bread I can I clean everything I try to get the children looking at that as possible he comes home but wow you've done so well when anything here that love now now what about when my broken methods reveal when my husband comes home unexpectedly from work I have a disaster there's nothing good in the refrigerator the children are mass nine the method sobbing on the couch I've been a oily face and oily hair and he said honey I love you so much love and I might actually make me feel a little more lot trying to be friends long after revealed with just how unlovely we are showing the influence the wickedness within our heart that we are both at the same time humble colorful and paperwork in your life I love you so much just the way you are because I see who you are in my ice cream can be who I created you to be paid the price already set you free from all machines that means you what we perceive God as unloving in some way that reinforces Satan 's lie to us right I got it I don't become why need to be I can get higher and higher without God right you shall not surely die even fell for this right the classic life you really need God it you can take care of yourself pretty well and we've offer that over and over if we feel now know I can actually do this on to get the house clean I'm good and accomplish whatever it is I may get straight a laminate that we try to base our love ability or work on always been a fade into insignificance in B enough because God has put into us a lot of now our parents are supposed to fill that love can't write this post again I love this parent I supposed to take their child handed that child is born take God 's hands and bring the team together as they raise this child they continually teach the child and theater level in not for me from God he put this love in my heart he loved you with an everlasting love in every way you are not because he done everything right but because you are creating the image of God he had infinite plan how he can regain you would transform you into his image I thought give that message to children their loved cup is filled but practically parent whose regarding talk about failed to fill their children's laptop so every child has some holes in her life now the Bible says that God wants to heal and healing a broken heart and mind is that there would not hideaway and client process finding upland signing up takes time right if not that we think of Jesus healing people with usually there with whom he he healed them and immediately the blind can see right but in the Old Testament you find healing is often a process typically what healing is in any of our life is a miracle when you're broken leg neck itself back together at the miracle that the process the miraculous process in which your body does without it's created it to do in your heart Scott has created your mind and your body to heal in the same way by surrendering to him by allowing him to do what he wants to do it by not resisting allowing them to come in and in sections of this filling on wants to fill I love cops often the mistakes are parents of made a kind of like plastic wrap over the top dog tries supporting his love into my love but it's a splash he says neatly on one affiliate what can we do to get through that thick rat here's the misrepresentations of the character God if you'll just do everything right I will love you unconditionally because I match and I feel like it whichever method is that white subparagraph over indulgence for their overly informed of their children's accomplishments while in the most amazing child in the world they work et al. conception of the fact that they are only worth something based on not love them not because they do things so well rejection and abuse control are so many ways that parents can misrepresent the love of God their children but the fact is we are a nation of brokenness and in a world of broken if emotional brokenness makes heart in periods of the gospel we are facing a crisis in this country and all of the well a monumental proportions both personally and evangelistic weight how can you help a person understand the love of God is the gallon if I will hear that Matthew twenty seven twenty eight anomalies in the allow wonderful unbroken brownfield onslaught coming now well what he wanted to get you that if the gospel really works it must address the broken as resulting from others in the eye I will never talk about that Ryan we have to go to psychology Ryan let me give you one of the many things in the Bible that is the sort of man is to guess you can say a biblical approach to dealing with some of these these needs imagine us in the parable talk so many times about how to find healing I let God into the deep parts of our lives in Mark four versus two three twenty we don't have time to read through the whole thing we see that the sea off on the footpath right the sower goes out to so happy so some of the fall onto the footpath now if you picture the passing your mind background is a hard or soft and hard and down went down the ground see right other people 's choices have found around somebody else walks across background is not your fault if your footpath and somebody had packed on the ground of your heart that you can't seem to allow the word of God to go in the seed is the word of God rights in the sewers God is very wrong with the sewer anything wrong with the seed now there's nothing wrong with the word of God there's something wrong with the dirt we are not right God made Adam from the biblically we are represented by dirt so when I enter in the footpath has been hardened by someone else's choices the birds come and take me to see before it can bear for red rock barn and take away the sea and recommend what happened in the life you all right all right seeing young people that come into the church this is an background arms folded it was his message they flat out the word did nothing for them even other lessons other people they don't culminate in honorable and hours praying for you home is somehow to feel your love but still the birds seem to take away the seed the seller has found that the word I ever break through our hearts will when you need when you can't get through hard grounds you shall occasionally something sharp and it is not just in the shovel on the ground but the force behind the Township was the sharpest thing in the world according to the Bible the word of God is powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword piercing offender to the dividing and going right into your heart you're doing it they go deep into the you are the sort of the word of God the seed is the word of God the seller in God and Desmond God said that his word in order to force behind he wants us to meditate on his word the voice behind it drive it into the ground of our heart that we can truly be made new there's nothing wrong with this ground we'll hear that this ground with ground that could not grow anything only that it are then hardened by the choices of someone else when you struggle to believe in the word of God you God put the force behind it in I believe the authority of their peers if you put some force behind no we live in an instant gratification culture everybody wants to want now microwave it now people get upset because they're in a wireless connection taking perhaps many are from forty five at work on that way is not to do what it needs to do for you it is not that I want you to come out and take on wants to make you feel good like in the next forty five seconds of each dot right okay on the theory that God wants us to drive the sword into our heart we do that one medication on the market allowing him and he's going to get a power right it's not needed because if I tried hard enough to get the word of God into my heart I meditate I memorized will be able to reach God know this is not about you you are not strong enough you cannot make at the Germany you can drop these into the ground if you can't make them grow I Holy Spirit is the one who will come within you and greenlight the water of the Spirit the word of God he brings the water that qualifies your heart sometimes you need the water you just need to sit down and meditate on that love that God has for you remember if you can't think of what to study in the Bible if you can't figure out how to believe in the love of God those two things that you need to meditate on our creation and redemption meditate on Michael pathogenesis if you do can't think of anything else is doing it unaware to start down your Bible meditates I don't mean just read I mean meditate the magic for the best of the grant and breeze and birth the moment he dingbats and went from being up all of my to be someone can't give his life for we can understand that you know if I make something out of my and it doesn't cooperate not all follow RLL thrown away disappointed but you know you have received me back home outright rebels against God and I can just grab any equivalent what makes something and he has made my couple days ago Wright why does he have to give it life or something that he just made available as well that die on a little effect on the planet when he moved the whole universe really when I'm talking about you know I'm just going in the region subjected to around reading again I mean think about think about the love that God has for you again this is the key I will unlock for you the treasures of the gospel the gospel is God created you in his image and even though you chose to revalue trust is that I want to be in your image I want to be laugh on the list for myself I wouldn't take care of myself I mistake to involve myself is that what you said she chose to become them believe the serpent is that I can get higher than God you shall be as God knowing good and evil she's into me I think I like to get their and God when you see that evil in your heart can take care and while we were yet sinners Christ died in God you see when the water of life and a sharp two-edged sword of the Spirit at work in your heart is not to be something that just happened I will slap you know nineties to read novels I can read a whole novel and that is a half at SRI I'll be through a couple of days I can do that when I start reading the final event will will limit through my broken idea that it was hard but instead of trying to get huge chunks then okay on the refi captures every morning started trying to meditate on one verse you know something like being adopted by Christ such a profound thought you could spend hours they are just starting to or studying right now the story of love the children of Israel coming out of Egypt with our children and began to him they were complaining all the time where they allow that I want to learn and he is feeling when we demand that the word of God can only want right now quick fix make me happy when you come up dry is not the work but when we say okay under half of the effort behind it do you go out to your new garden plot they are intended to have a beautiful garden I can just imagine the flowers are to be inherently leaves swaying in the breeze in any dismally disappointed market you got a lot of hard work behind note that shovel before you get the ground even ready that even though the meetings are watered incredibly incredibly patient if your goal is happiness if you want to play there any doubt that the work of God if your goal is holding their goal is whole effort gave man who can really work with you he can give you what he wants to be how do you cultivate the ground 's money getting some tips on number one identify the hardened areas in your hearts what are some areas that you want God to work on time with him about this thing kneel down before him and said Lord this is something I realize it's wrong for some reason I'm taking friend away her some reason I'm alienated from her parents unable to bridge that gap you may not be that you can change your parents and maybe there's something about your parent their own sinfulness that you're not going to be able to change but you can cut the string you can change your simple response to them so that you can continue doing the things that they've always done some pusher button they won't be able to anymore you won't respond instantly to their simple choices against you because Christ's love heals you I don't mean the kind of puppetry and instantly is more like shaving away at that puppet stringently finally to her by God and he will not do that and he fills our hearts with his overwhelming love we no longer have leaving for our parents to be what they may never be able to be for the number one identify the hardened areas in your heart where someone hurt you that something is still affecting you need is a painful relationship you know sometimes you have to withdraw a little bit from something that's really been painful to you someone being particularly abrasive negative need to pull away for that you don't develop resentment toward them but do it out of love for them because you don't want responsive and simply one response not because you want to protect yourself and your to show them in her junior and her combat back not that God is good because you want to image God freedom and the others that cannot permanently damaging only your sinful choices in response others can separate you from God and laugh maximize that two-edged sword let God go into the wounded places in your heart I know we are averaging a little bit over time here on the just mentioned as the family evaluation that you can look online there was any kind of it actually do this year so understanding you where it is you can look at this evaluation form at about eleven pages I think and it will help you evaluate the relationship between you and your father between you and your mother and then evaluate how both affected your relationship with God it's a great tool I think you really enjoy and find very useful if you've struggled with wounded from the various how is your father image are not imaged on wealth to you and your mother and then how is that working your perception of what God is like that he doesn't love you unless you do things well and that you never good enough for whatever it is prayerfully consider how do you think may have molded your conception of God and the evaluation form is found at www. I heard the news .com P U R D U E uploads the family evaluation bat evaluation form it just something free downloads you can also just googled the family evaluation it'll probably corrupt their previous easily you can look that up and printed out and out prayerfully seek to find probably something that can really jumpstart your relationship with God help you identify ways that things that are holding you up hangups they keep you from being able to flow in your walk with God you can't always stop that award from cutting but you can allow Christ to heal your heart and remember the journey is the destination first the blade then the ear after that the full corn in the year Mark four twenty eight you have the devil of how you so much methane your life you can't even begin to get there but God doesn't want you to believe that he is always an infinite room for growth he noted that there so much room for you to grow but not to give up on usage of the contemporary environment on the closer the word of prayer following heaven we just thank you so much for your love is love and a this meeting was used by audio persons working for generation of Christ you'd like to learn more about you might see please visit www. what is the board this is more free online sermon please visit www. audio verse more


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