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Logo of Michigan Camp Meeting 2018: As a Witness, Matthew 24:14

When Life Is so Unfair - Part 2

Laurie Snyman


For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them. Using unhealthy strategies can sabotage our relationships, job and even our health. Rather than just reacting to your emotions (as Satan tempts you to do), we can deal with them effectively by relying on the Holy Spirit and applying the Bible which gives us insight and skills on handling our emotions.




  • August 20, 2018
    3:30 PM
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Father we thank you for each person here Lord's you know in their hearts what they're struggling with you know their personalities you know their home situations you know their futures and Lord we just thank you that you care about us and that you want us to live a healthy Christian life and I pray Lord that what we do here will be all to your honor and glory and that because people came here today they will have benefited and have something to think about when the time to pray and to think about where they can be with you because of something they learned in your holy name Amen and I was thinking about my prayer Have you ever learned a new word and then also and you heard it all the time and sometimes you don't know what direction you're going but if you actually hear the information then it makes more sense when you're working on some of the longer I live and I've been living a long time the more I realize that there's a connection between our thinking life and our mental health and our thoughts and our words really impact our lives in many way. So many people's problems are rooted in the way they're thinking do you think that's true. And it actually can produce more problems than if they weren't thinking that way would you agree with that a negative mind produces negative behaviors you agree with that our words can actually be a trap that we can get stuck in if we don't get control of them and the only way we can get control of them is with who was God working through our lives. Here is a verse from Proverbs 237 it says thoughts are powerful. And they have creative ability for he who thinks is heart so is he DID YOU HEAR THAT So if I think I'm fat and ugly then I am because of the way I am thinking I actually take that on if I think that I am lost I actually take that on so the way that I think actually impacts who I am are as he thinks in his heart so is he as he who reckons he says to you eat and drink get his heart is not with you but is grudging the cost can you have a positive Now think about this this is a big question and I want to hear of firm yes or no can you have a positive healthy exciting Christian life with a negative mind. You really believe that then you have a responsibility don't know how many of you want a positive life how many of you want a stable healthy life how many of you want a Christian life that is to the fullest how many of you want to represent God 100 percent as much as possible to the best of your ability with him involved in in your life so if you struggle with negative feelings you really have to come to grips with why you are allowing yourself to go down that path now by the way did we all get perfect in a day when that be nice if after Monday I have an hard time hearing me really wow it's because of that air conditioner and you think we could switch it off. Because I have a loud voice so. They're saying OK then let's we should tell them that they shouldn't sing. We're going to sing at the end on the way. Those of you who struggle with depression or those of you who have personalities of melancholy Does anybody know about the 4 temperaments about sanguine Flay OK same ones the outgoing happy person the phlegmatic is the laid back person the Calera is the very driven type A person this is in in a nutshell and then the melancholy their perfectionist but they are having more moods I want you to know that if you have melancholy in your personality naturally you have more struggles than the average person when it comes to your thinking that does not mean that you cannot overcome but just like somebody who has to get. Get used to a disability they have to struggle with it more and God will give them the grace and help them but it's not fun that we live in a world where it's unfair and you have to struggle with something more but that's what happens there are people who are more obsessive than others and so they all of these people may need a little more help than just coming to a seminar they may need to see a counselor or they may need to go to a group they need it may need a accountability partner so I want to say that the way that we think. Will impact us and we don't let it go work on it progressively because when we have negative thinking it will hurt our relationships with people and our lives and that will be miserable How many of you get up to date. And is that all right. And so today it's called up tight but not out and sort of all right and with God's help I'm continually reminded about how I get up tight about things even today I was very up tight over something that somebody told me they were going to do and I was like very upset somebody I walked around to see all the classes because my husband I work on classes the groups that you are attending that's what our responsibility is in the conferences to work on classes over a 100 and some of those did you know that and as I did people kept stopping me wherever I went and they would tell me about an issue that they were having we have many issues going on don't we we are getting close to the end of time and people are suffering everywhere and some of the things we've never even heard of I mean things that you never had to deal with before but we are all struggling and when we are getting towards the last days I really believe the Lord is withdrawing some of our from the. Yes he's withdrawing from the earth and you're seeing a lot more problems and are you almost saying that it's almost popular to have problems I mean like people don't know what's right like you tell somebody comes into my office for counseling and they're having an affair and I say Wow So you must be feeling bad that you're doing that to your spouse and they go oh no not really they deserve it like oh OK OK Now where do I begin OK Oh yeah you know I was embezzling from Target but and I go wow you must have been fearful that people would notice or or when you you know that you're going to be found out or that you're going to have to go and apologize and you cannot plan to do that like oh OK I'm like you just have to figure out because there's like there's like no foundation unless God has committed convicted you that there's sin right and I understand 60 percent of Christians don't even believe that there's a hell up there or a devil. I wanted to also say when you were child how many times did you fall down as you were learning to walk what if the 1st time you fell down you said I'm not doing this anymore and I just want you to know that every day we're going to fall down and the Lord knows how to pick us up and he's really happy when we are willing to reach out our hand to him because he really does want to help us so all right so we learned a lot about feelings in our last session and I just wanted to ask you if you think feelings are hard to change how many of you would say feelings are hard to change I can't help but feel that way any of you would say that we're not that many Ok let me try that again how many of you would say it's very hard to change my feelings OK how many of you think that you could change your feelings within a minute or 2 if you wanted to. Rule OK Hold that thought. By the way. Hebrews 135 says I will never leave the north for safety I'd like you to think about that right now just for a minute I will never leave me or for say. So many orange I'm going to miss you today you know wearing orange thing I was going to say orange needs to hold up his card. So how do you feel when you think about I will never leave the OR for safety what kind of words feelings words do you think about. Comforted what out's confused on I would have thought that I will never leave your for saying OK OK anything out secure safe comforted anything else. Assurance that what God is going to take care of everything. Careful Isn't that encouraging So what are those positive feelings or negative feelings all right all right so now I have another thought. Here's a thought. The one without the H. I don't want to go through that again. Yeah here's a thought I'd like you to think about when somebody said something that was very unkind or inconsiderate to you maybe they demeaned you or they hurt you in some way they said something like they didn't expect that you were going to be successful or whatever I would like you to think about that for a few seconds OK most of you how many of you can think about something like that OK but I'm like how many of you are in the world OK. In the human world so think about that for a few seconds I feel right now I should think about that her sad wow you are really did you notice that you were better on those negative feelings than you were on those positive feelings that's because when they looked at the research 77 percent of the thoughts that we have in our head are negative or on helpful 77 percent so we have been influenced by the world but you just said very negative feelings of hurt betrayed uncomfortable demeaned in secure Did you know that I only took about a minute to do that so you just went from happy feelings to negative feelings did you notice that So do you I'm going to ask you a question again do you think that you can change your feelings within a minute or 2. Our experiment work because that is very true that when you decide to change your. You can change your and hopefully that will change your. And when we change our behaviors in our thoughts and we dealings were not in trouble for but our thoughts will impact or feelings but when we change our behavior and our thoughts it has a huge help on our spiritual life. If I feel that God is taking care of me I am more happy with God than when I start to think God hates me and why I have had clients that have told me why does God hate me so much just because they've had some bad things going on in their life so I just wanted I had an extra piece of paper I just wanted to say that you just did a really good job. All right. Oh yes that's very true our thoughts and our feelings make up our character and I want to have a good character and I have to keep working on it and the work is when you are working it out with your fear and trembling it's staying focused on God That's where it is the average person's worries and thoughts 40 percent are on things that will never happen 30 percent aren't things that happened in the past that can't be changed we just keep holding it and thinking about why we didn't do something 30 percent I'm sorry 12 percent criticism by others is mostly on true 10 percent is about our health problems and 8 percent about real problems that we might face in the future. So 2nd I'm sorry Isaiah 4110 says we are changed by hearing the Word of God And so when we talk I want to talk about it's important to read that word out loud because it says were changed by hearing the Word of God and when we hear it aloud from ourself it just seems that we are more aware of it so when you're having your worship sometimes it would be a benefit to read something aloud Now if you're in a classroom and you're trying to do a quiet one and you're talking to yourself people might think oh well weirdly enough you. Here's 4110 says fear not what does that say. What does that mean. Don't be afraid for I am with you who is that be not dismayed what is dismayed disturbed upset for I am your God I will strengthen you does I'm God lie I will strengthen you I will help you who is going to help us. Yeah some people don't always help us well but God helps us every time I will uphold you with my righteous right hand what feelings do you get when you think about that are you encouraged Do you recognize that keeping verses in your mind are an encouragement to you it's very important and sometimes when we think Oh God is just I don't hear God or whatever he always is near because he promised he doesn't lie and sometimes we run away from him when we don't hear him or we don't feel him but our feelings are not truthful indicators of God's presence. And sometimes we say well why didn't you answer my prayer won't there's a joke some about a time a time and a half a time God's got a different time than the rest of us right be a long time. Joshua $19.00 says Be strong and courageous do not be frightened and do not be dismayed when we talk about anxiety the root problem is fear do not be frightened and do not be dismayed at the LORD your God is with you wherever you go again when you think about that what feelings do you get now that's right you know I'm like you have a. Very important George Miller anybody heard of him he says the beginning of anxiety is the End of Faith and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety so when we are threatened and fearful we are not feeling faithful we are not having faith in God Here's another quote that I like before we get into the next part. I realize. That I'm not on the page that I wanted to be was that I'm like This is not going the way I expected our 8 I'm going to I'm going to go to something completely different anybody ever heard of a SAF that was David's news ition did you know he had a hired musician music teacher and we can find the story about him in some 73 so if you are there you might as well go to that OK good a song 73 by the way Paul says in the Old Testament 1st Corinthians 1011 when we look at Old Testament stories these things were written to us as examples for us they were written to us to warn us at the end of the age and I think that this story is amazing so talk about feelings and thoughts and all the rust to me this is just it embodies it and that's what we're going to really talk about today song 73 now King David loved music did he not what was so great about King David and you think What did he do. He wrote music he played music he had a heart and was in there another music instrument. A SAF went through some of the same emotional battles that we went through today and he kept a journal where he wrote down his raw feelings by the way research shows that when you write down your feelings that your mental health improves did you know that there's something about seeing your prayers answered seeing how you were feeling on a certain day and then seeing what God decided to do about it and so when we write like a prayer journal like we're writing a story to him actually they've looked at people who have cancer and people who have mental health issues their blood pressure goes down their their. Resilience is better they're more social etc So it's a good thing but this journal isn't Psalms for us to read and so I think that's really cool some 73 verse one and so he writes Surely God is good to Israel to those who are pure in heart now he is coming to God not because he's happy he's coming to God because he's miserable but why did he start the journal with a prayer is that a good idea have you noticed that a lot of people talk to God like he's a Santa Claus and they just started in with what they want can you imagine when your friends listening and all you do is talk about what you want them to do for you how long would your relationship with them go and it's really important that we start to praise and do you think he felt like it because we're going to talk about him being very upset certainly he was not feeling praiseworthy at that point but he decided to praise God before he started his long journal on this and so I think that's another lesson for us is that when we don't feel good we can still say nice things right. All right by the way Mrs White says the enemy tells you that if you do not feel your prayers you better wait lest your prayers would be a mockery but you must say to Satan it is written men ought always to pray and we should pray until we have the burden of our wants upon our souls our Lord made it our duty to connect with his strength and that is from P.R. to succeed so a SAF is going to admit his feelings to God and averse to can we admit our feelings to God. Does God know about our feelings before we even Tom about it right he knows OK So verse 2 but as for me my feet had almost stumbled my steps had nearly slipped and any of you bend so upset over something that you felt weak or faint or like you were getting dizzy Have you ever been that upset by the way they called that they's old bagel syncope and it occurs when there is physical pain or emotional distress you've heard of somebody feigning when they were told that somebody died absolutely so very important so how upset was a staff when he's telling you that he was ready to faint he was upset any of you when you're upset you're really upset. You go from 0 to 10 really fast OK number 3 for I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked How many of you have seen people who are definitely sinning and they seem to be living a good life and they look like everything is just peaceful and happy and they're just having a wonderful. Yeah he's being vulnerable here he's actually telling God how upset he feels about this. Do you ever what would you call that when he was looking at them and upset over the fact that they're doing good what would be another word for that and me another word jealousy perhaps you struggle with that too and mean jealousy is an unthinkable way of thinking isn't it occurs when a person feels they're lacking something that another person has right. Jealousy is more of a self-love it's like I'm going to protect myself it's not I'm worried about you or I have a serious concern about your welfare I'm worried about myself and how you're going to impact me so jealousy is a very personal one but N.B.A. is looking at another person and thinking they have a better life than me and they're very upset they think God is not giving me what I deserve Christians can feel that way because there is a prosperity message out there that says that Christians should not have any problems and that they should always be doing something that makes them feel good and that they should deserve all kinds of things and riches even on this earth but you don't see that happening in the Bible do you DID THEY Apostles Live Richly did Jesus live richly did he have a Cadillac in a swimming pool and throw pool pardons No yeah here here's I'm going to give you this statement and he is counting another person's blessings instead of your own. I'm going to say that again and he is counting another person's blessings instead of your own and I would love to say that I came up with a wonderful thing but I thought it was on known on the Internet the more we focus on what we do not have the more miserable we will being right and yet so many of us have so much and when people are very thankful and grateful they have a more peaceful and happier life. An envious person actually if you ever see a crime story or something like that many times somebody was envious of someone and so they were angry and it actually resulted in them doing a murder so we find that people who are envious and sometimes the root of a person who murders another person N.B.A. is one of the most potent causes of and happiness that's why it's mentioned in the Bible under another word in fact it's in the Commandments and what would that be covetousness wanting something that your neighbor hands yeah you don't know if their bodies are full cancer or you don't know if their lives are miserable all you know is that on the outside they look like they're doing OK you're right there's nothing worse than a conscience that's not working well either isn't there's a lot of pain in that and so a SAF is now looking at all these people and he's saying they're all having such a much better life and I'm not getting any pats on the back for anything that I'm doing Have you ever done something good and nobody gave you a pat on the back room and then he had that all or nothing thinking and we're going to talk about different types of thinking you're going to have a list of that in a few and it's like all or nothing if I don't have these things than I'm worth nothing my life is worth nothing if I am not prosperous if I'm not getting a pat on the back of people aren't thanking me for my contributions to the music or whatever then I am worth nothing and I just would rather not even be living he's just mad at the world never heard of people like that all or nothing they're all in one basket right and by the way a SAF was a Levite do you know anything about them he could not own any land. All he could have by his birth and by the law was anything that was a donation from other people like food sacrificial meat grain and wine so as entire income was dependent on donations from other people so he was a big volunteer and if you volunteer to do what we do without our volunteers here it happens I mean can't meeting is it discouraging to watch crooked people do well can you realize that a SAF even though it's from the Old Testament hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years ago does he have something to tell us today absolutely what's the point of doing right if nobody even recognizes that you're doing right you're think that way so I have lots of answers for that but we're not going there yet when we were in the seminary at Andrews University there was we were living really poor. I'm not going to tell you what golden years that was that was back long ago and our stipend from the conference was $500.00 and that was how much our rent was and so whatever we made I had on top of that was for our food in our gas or whatever and several ministers that were from other conferences were our friends and they said that they found a way to get a big tax deduction so that they had more money to put towards their income and my husband said he didn't think that was right and they said well we we know of other people who've done it and they've gotten away with it and we're going to do it and they were livin good I mean they didn't just bring beans and rights to the potluck they had enchiladas and and strawberry shortcake and I couldn't afford that and I made you know homemade. They kick a noodle soup and they were making you know cream or broccoli I just thought that's just not fair and then several years later maybe 2 years later we found out that the I.R.S. napped it all their doors and told them that they had done wrong and that they had to give that money back and you know what I did yes and my husband said. You should not be happy that they are hurting and that their finances or whatever and he sighed and you shouldn't be really proud that you did what is right you need to do what's right not because you get away with that because it's the right thing to do and that was my 1st lesson from my husband. And he was right should we do what's the right whether somebody pats us on the back or not or even if it hurts us so a SAF is going on about those people let's go to verse 4 for they have no pangs until death their bodies are fat and sleep that means they're rich they are not in trouble as others they are not stricken like the rest of mankind they seem to be living the good life right they have yachts and. And mansions and all the rest therefore pride is in their necklace violence covers them as a garment their eyes swell out through their fattest their hearts overflow with follies they scoff and they speak with malice loftily they threaten oppression is he envious and see jealous and then he talks about them Scott King and speaking with malice when we have somebody doing that to our children at school what do we call that that's right he felt bully do Christians get bowling Jew children gambling Do adults get bowling you sometimes get bullied at work because of how you believe or what you don't do Jesus get moly. ALL THE TIME Have you ever seen the president being all their eyes trying to trick him with what they're asking a question of Jesus was constantly being tricked and trying to they were trying to trip him up on what he said and all the rest and so when we feel bullied and harassed we can tell Jesus about it because he knows all about it he had to face it on this earth number 9 they set their mouths against the heavens and their tongues drop through the earth you ever see a lot of people bragging we never brag doing now I'm bragging that I never brag right yeah they are standing by to brag on social media. All really there are a lot of people that are depressed because of people photo media because they are the haves and the have nots. Yeah I have over the years and married couples that have come in for counseling I notice that when somebody has an affair. And their spouse comes in for counseling they tell me they cannot believe their ex pals and how they are acting now you would think that an ex palace would who had had an affair would be very sad about what they were doing but instead they seem to. Want to make it look like it's not their problem it was the other spouses so they come you were psycho you were fat you were ugly were cold you were on time do you I wouldn't eat breakfast with you because you're like a dog or whatever and people tell me they never act this way but it's like that surly justifying what you do remember children when you say don't do that and I had to because you know it's that child like behavior and then actually that changes their life because instead of apologizing they continue to go on showing that they were right all along and it's very very sad. My mother I've talked about her before she always gave me advice and one of the things she said is cheaters never prosper well here we are in the end of days and I think she's wrong. I think that it looks like they prosper I think that they may even prosper for a period of time I'm I think that sometimes that they're going to look good for a long time until the end of time. And so the and then when you think about people with problems today and all the issues that are going on you know people come up to me and say Is there a book or is there work bookers or is there is sermon you can give me and you know what there are so many problems there are so many complex problems in the world and I don't think that there's any book or anything that can fix that other than God because they're like how you on Ravel some of the things that happen to people and Isaiah 431 to 3 Don't be afraid I've reading to you I've called your name your mind and when you're over your head out be there with you when you're in rough waters you will not go down when you're between a rock and a hard place it won't be a dead end because I am God your personal god your savior and that's a version called M.S.G. just like the thing you put in food that's not healthy that's how you can remember and that's how I remember but when you hear that every deemed you your mind how does that make you feel. You recognize the word of God and what it does for you and what you said when you're in over your head I'll be there with you when you're in rough waters you will not go down when you're between a rock and a hard place it won't be a dead end because I am your God your personal god your savior individually you are so special Don't forget your great worth to God verse 10 therefore his people turn back to them and find no fault in them and they say how can God know if there is a knowledge in the most high behold these are the wicked always at ease by the worry you see that always were going to talk about words like always should half you must behold these are the wicked all ways it is they increase and Richard you know the every think that we tend to exaggerate a little bit when we're upset they always do that they never do it correctly they should be do it at the way. The Sometimes we have the ability to make things worse by the way we talk and when I add those words it makes more stress in my life and show me somebody who doesn't exist somebody who exaggerates and show me someone who doesn't have more issues than the person who is neutral and tries to say it correctly because people who exaggerate at another layer of stress. A Saffa saying that these people are liars they're acting like they have it all together even though they're cheating and do we notice a lot of deception around do we notice that people who do bad things like I don't know solve Pernod for yourself drugs make money but we have to have a clean conscience don't we and that's really what we want. Do you ever feel like you don't get rewarded for things. And that you focus on that too much about why doesn't anybody think me when I do something at church and I have people telling me I did a really good. You wonder why God doesn't just smite the enemies right why does he get cancer dog the bad people why is that children have brain tumors that are so innocent and why doesn't he just punish people right away with a zap of lightning and if you sinners. Aren't you glad the Lord hasn't zapped you yet it's evident that God is merciful and he gives us graces. And the reason is why is that the Lord is still waiting because we think he should have come a long ago memory Mrs gaffa I mean Billy Graham's wife back in the eighty's seventy's saying you know if God doesn't come soon is going to have to apologize just Sodom and Gomorra and why is it that he didn't come so far because as a 2nd Peter 39 The Lord does not want anyone to be destroyed but wants everyone to repent he wants to give everybody a chance to come to him so verse 13 all in vain I have kept my heart clean and washed my hands and innocence he's saying I've been staying pure and still I have to watch these unfair situations for all day long I've been stricken and rebuked every morning that might be another exaggeration but he's saying I kept all these rules I found the Lord and were sick getting me never thought that were is a getting I've been nice to people that are really on kind and have done things that are not right and I'm keeping my heart pure for nothing maybe a SAF was a single man maybe he was keeping himself sexually pure and he says I'm not getting any pats on the back they all seem to be having such a good time. 15 If I had said I will speak this I would be trade the generation of your children so what he's saying is that I could really tell people you things about how they're doing and I could go out there and really rip on their reputations but if I do this and get it off my chest and just let go then I can impact multiples people because of who I am you know that because you're God's child and you represent him that when you open your mouth people are watching people are listening you said I would misrepresent God's reputation you know there was a minister who called one of his daughter to be seen at a doctor's office and he said you know she's just home from the college and. I want to make sure that you know everything is OK because it's under my insurance and they said no no problem at all his daughter was sick and so he let his daughter go on her own and she got to the office and they said I'm sorry but your parents have to be here to sign for you you know it's under your dad's name and I don't see your name on the car and so you really can't see the doctor today and we're going to have to charge you $30.00 for a fee because because you know you wasted the doctor's time with not having this checked out and she said I'm sure my dad called or whatever. He was May I add can imagine it right Diaz feel the pressure right away when you think about it don't you notice that we can really well up inside just talking about a situation like that so he went into the office and then he got there and he said. You know I called ahead of time and I was trying to help my daughter make sure that everything was paved before she got here to the doctor's office and I was told there was no problem but you guys decided not to see her and you also gave her a late charge and kept his voice really calm and she said Well that must have been a mistake I know you talked to me and I I recognize your name and she said and that must be that it was the new girl that messed up and I'm really really sorry about that and then she said and I recognize your name because I've been listening to your your prayer talk on the radio. And I listen to it all the time and I was so impressed with what you're doing and there are new really speak Bible truths and he said I was really thankful that I was tactful and kind because what would I have done if I had misrepresented guy in that moment you have things like that get under your skin like when people cut you off in traffic or people ignore you at the disk at the counter at the store or people come in front of you in line or you get a bill from the telephone company earth right how nice are you are you going to glow trash. Yet. And then he also he's kind of inferring that he could have left the religion when he was doing a staff How were the people go when they are Christians were to go do you go from faithful to faithless or do you go to covered by God to uncover do you notice about how people go out into the world and they are protected by God and so they had so when we're really upset why is it that we isolate who does the Lion get again who does he get from the flock. The one who's isolated and yet you recognize that people who are upset and angry at God often will suffer rate from a church or separate from their religious friends who are praying for them or they they push themselves away from other people and yet that puts them in terrible spiritual darkness and at risk we're going to talk about coping styles member we discussed all or nothing thinking and we talked about exaggerations and so I would like to go through these and you know I don't know what's going on in your life and I'm still very upset over the ants in my R.V. so I'm going to apply it to me a few times and you might get tired of it but I'm not tired of it I had one in my shoe today I had 2 on my neck and I had one on my hand and I had one in mike in my cereal of this morning. And my husband figured out the source of where they're coming so we plugged it up and guess what now they're just staying in the truth. They don't even know me and. I just. I'm trying to be positive I am might start naming them but they all look like I can't tell which one they are it could be the same one that I threw down the sink he said you know that they float. I thought I got 18 of them down the drain but I think that they've all come back to life are OK You. Cornmeal. Oh I'm feeling homicide Oh. Is that right I want to feed them maybe I could spoon feed them OK. Well how many cotton balls would you need to put peppermint oil on I mean I don't usually DAB them at night or anything. But a behind their ears and. I could put it on my neck maybe OK so let's go to 0 you know what to do did you hand out all of those they might be in a different order than what I have in my notes so I'm stealing one back. Oh you have some extras THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Know there's just one do you see where it says thinking years that's where we're going to go to now these are borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous they're called stinking thinking. But they are very good I think they came from feeling good book that was in the ninety's but we need to think about and I would like you to think about what it is that you often use that is not a good coping skill when you're when you're having an issue OK the all or nothing thinking everything is either right or wrong it's not even though it is not a principle or standard you like you have to have that color you you have to act that way you can go to that place even though it's not a big deal that's right it's also it's also like if I ate one Oreo cookie I'm as will eat the entire bag because after all I argue ruined my diet. Or you know it's going to rain so I might as well not go to the meeting tonight and if you're related now. How about because there's 18 a chance in my trailer I think I should just give it to them OK. All right. Over generalizing because you had a problem in the past you think this will happen again so you constantly bring up that old thing and you think that it's always going to happen to you again so. That's very very good yes I wonder where I'll be next year I'll probably have double the answer maybe I'll even make it worse number there was a lady in here on Monday and she had Hornets Yeah but I wasn't in the self-pity mode and I didn't want to hear about her Hornets because that was trumping the the sympathy I was getting from all of you. All right we have a never ending pattern of defeat by using the word overgeneralization is like they those ants all ways are out to get me. You know my husband puts out these these traps and I say they never work. There was a salesman who got upset when he got bird poop on his window and he said just my luck birds are always hooping on my window you know just because something happened in the past doesn't mean it's going to happen again so we foretell the future by thinking that everything is worse worst case scenario is going to happen again you get that none of you think that way right now let's talk about other people. OK disqualifying the positive you minimize the positive comments and enhance the negative so somebody somebody came up to me today and said I can tell you've lost some weight but your hair is as Curly as yours as yours is the gold in your jacket today looks like it's pretty frizzy ha. And so do you think I remember the fact that she said it looks like you've lost weight I keep thinking is it really that. And then I thought Are people really thinking that I'm trying to create lines like my jacket maybe I should change my jacket off today and I'm like Isn't it amazing how somebody will say good things but we hold on to the bad things like we sift out the good things and maybe that they gave us 10 compliments but we grab to the bad 11 of them hurts yes that's true action be heard either my hair is frizzy like all of you right right. Right. Discounting Oh oh disqualifying the positive we did just did their mind reading. Because somebody is about to say something and they've said something before were sure that they're going to say it again so they only get out 2 words you know I know what you're going to say right. Here you go again. Yes but we shouldn't be wait we should try we need to give people an opportunity right when we're Christian we're hopeful that they're going to do something different to people change do you change this God expect you to change does God see great hope in the way we're going to act in the future does he think that we're going to be just the way we are or does he expect that he can make some great changes in our personality and our way of acting a. And that's also jumping to conclusions right all right so let me see there is another one should say and must you must do something you should don't you notice that people when we when we say that sometimes it's so that we can motivate ourselves to get something done but when you're saying that to each other or to yourself or even to other people it's aggravating right you never empty the garbage you all ways leave your dishes on the on the table you never help me with the laundry business is this adding to your happiness what if you said I really appreciate the fact that you helped me at the laundry several months ago and I'm wondering if you could do that again. Or are when they pick up their dish on the sink you say I I just I'm so thrilled to know that you are able to do other had. I told you I have a new son and I had the dishwasher open and he put his his. Dish in the sink and I said to him I want you to know as a member of this family that you are welcome to use the dishwasher you don't have to just put at the sink anyway all Rowley put it right in there and so now retired he has a does he goes thank you for letting me join the family. In the lake it takes it's the attitude right here. Is really good how much negative labeling she's a real great crab you know he's always nasty isn't just the worst person one if you say I think he's having a bad day actually in marriage you know when you're dating in your in. And you have you're with that person and they have a bad day and you go on he's just having a very day but after even married for 20 years ago why he had such a bad day am getting tired of us right. Or you know somebody is upset about the price and you go that's so sweet that you're worried about our finances and then you go why are you guys being such a stingy person you know 10 years later our reserves go down with certain people and that is usually our family member so watch out because what we continue to expect out of them we can make them into Can you believe that if you lived with a crabby parent you can make your spouse into a crabby parent can you imagine that just by the way you talk people will mirror what you're thinking all right let's see personalization and blame is it easy to blame people. That is it is why do we do that we don't want to fix our own problem and so when I blame somebody else I don't have to take any acknowledgment that I have a problem is that is that a mature way of acting it's an immature act it's never saying you're sorry remember there was that movie Love means you never have to say you're sorry in the 70s that's a bunch of garbage like when people don't say they're sorry people don't think they get it I always tell men that come in for marriage counseling if you don't acknowledge what you do expect that you are creating a neg in life because she has to keep bringing up to you and put it in a different way maybe she wants to know if you got it and if you say yes I do need to work on that I appreciate you bringing that up she's going to stop because it's now it's off of her desk she didn't have to think about it anymore so. That's how it is many times we could actually take the wind out of somebody's sails of anger if we would just say we were sorry and I have especially men will say to me but I'm not sorry because I didn't think what I did was wrong and said can you be sorry that you hurt her feelings could you be sorry that you were not being kind or that you weren't listening could you apologize for not saying it in a way that's being you know thoughtful song. Really makes things better we need to be sorry for the things that we do to cause people distress. Personalisation that's where we take everything personal There are ministers that tell me that they preach in their congregations to something that they learn in the Bible and people come up and go you were talking to me about that and I don't appreciate that he's like well what was it what what part of it was it that you heard what he was when you were talking about being I'm grateful and I know that you think I'm not great he's like No no no I actually you know saw no it's because I said something in the board meeting 15 years ago and. Yeah all right is that helpful to look at those how many of you I'm not going to ask why I recognize that you have some thinking errors that you need to work on that it's something by default that you depend on yeah I'm going to give you some more when you having an argument was somebody I'm sorry a discussion that's my mother would always say when she was having a loud discussion with my dad's only a discussion kids were not arguing if somebody defends themselves. The other person will keep on aggravating until they can get that person to admit if they minimize what they did that will keep the argument going if they demean them and go way to go or is that the way you act and they're being sarcastic that's that is going to kill the marriage completely. And the 4th this blame So if you want to have a good discussion get those things out of your argument and you will be able to get through it OK Number 16 let's go to verse 16 but when I thought how to understand this it seemed to me a wearisome to task 17 this is the significant part of this verse until I went into the sanctuary of God then I discern the end was there is saying sure you want a SAF was there know when he went into the sanctuary What does that mean you know he went into prayer and meditation with God you worship God. Are there times when you're upset and you don't feel like worshipping on what is Mrs White say when we feel least about prayer is when we need to pray right we need to worship God. We need to rise above our feelings and don't let our emotions tell us what to do our emotions are not true they often will tell us the wrong things if I feel like praying I might pray but if I don't feel like praying I should still pray do you ever hear that song if we ever needed the Lord before you member that you guys got that one line if we ever needed the Lord before we sure do need him now is that true so when we are not happy and we're upset make sure. That you pray and you ask the Lord and our faith will grow and also reciting Bible verses aloud helps us just hearing the word brings that to our hurt so a SAF laid out his problems to God and he was empowered to work honestly there are present probably many times in his life where he didn't want to do that but he did that memory started with praise he laid it all out and he prayed and as he prayed the Lord was able to enter him I believe that there are many times the Lord wants to enter all of us but we have not given him permission to enter US He sits there waiting to be invited and we have to invite him and that only happens when we enter the sanctuary and so as he says in the saying surely praying thinking about what God wants him to do he starts to feel foolish that he was and being those wicked and when you study the scriptures your eyes are opened and this is what he says verse 18 truly you set them in slippery places you make them fall to ruin God's showed a sad these people were falling in ruin those around him that look like they were doing so well if they don't turn from their sinful deeds they were lost. He was he was not lost but those people were lost and God needed a SAFF to show them the right way to live and how important it is to serve God and he needed to use him so that he could have these people in his kingdom verse 1000 how they are destroyed a moment swept away utterly by tears like a dream when one awakes Oh Lord when you rouse yourself you spies the most phantoms when my soul was in bitter and when I was perched in the heart he realized you needed to stop wallowing in self pity and when his eyes were on himself he made poor choices you needed his eyes to be on god instead on the back of your page talks about forgiving self how many of you know that you've forgiven other people but you have something in your life that you could just not forgive but you still go back and forward thinking about something you've done and that you're her or that you wish you had done differently and so when we talk about forgiveness Well let's talk about forgiveness for other people does forgiveness mean that what happened was a good thing no does it mean OK let's let's just come up with a terrible worst case scenario let's say that Uncle Leonard came from Moscow and he he shot your dog when you came to visit for Thanksgiving that's a terrible thing right do you need to forgive uncle what was his name and I think you do you need to forget Uncle Leonard all we're not sure do we need to forgive Uncle Leonard what does the Bible say. Does it mean that Uncle Leonard. Should get off the hook you know there might be a consequence of it doesn't mean that I should have Uncle Leonard for Thanksgiving dinner. Should it mean that I should get a pet sitter name Uncle Leonard. Does that mean that Uncle Leonard might not go to court or what No it means that I have to forgive him so he's forgiven I'm not going to hold it over him anymore but what he did was inexcusable but it is forgivable right forgivable So we have to forgive him do we have to forgive ourselves because what happens when we don't forgive God what. Is there reason that you would want to go outside in the world and not have the umbrella of God safety over your head we have to forgive ourselves don't we people many times ask me How do I forgive myself and so I gave you some ideas of things that you can do so that you can actually work on some of the things that you feel like you need to be forgiven for and at the end you should repent and say I'm sorry for what I did father you ask for forgiveness you thank him for forgiving your sins and you ask them Is there anything I need to do so I can accomplish you know something that needs to being resolved and God will correct your thinking and he will take that away now some people say well I have forgiven somebody or I've forgiven myself but I still keep on having that come up while now would it be the devil that wants you to be miserable. If you forgive and God probably would be bringing it up but there are times when some of the sins that we have have so many layers it's like an onion and it may be that there's another piece of it that you need to look at and if it's not something new then you need to let it go and if it is something new you say Lord forgive me for that part too I had remembered that does that how I know we're going over really fast because time is short right all right. Verse 22 I was brutish and ignorant I was like a beast towards you nevertheless I'm continually with you and you hold my right hand a SAF remembers and realizes that though he didn't deserve it God is with him 247 holding his hand and ministry of healing it says God does not get us to overcome in our own strength he asked us to come close to his side whatever difficulties we labor under whatever weight weighs down our soul and body he waits to make us free Did you hear that free how much is free it's free isn't it that's met minister of healings to 4924 you guide me with your counsel and afterwards you will receive my glory. I'm sorry receive me to glory you promised if we face if we walk with them we'll have eternal life whom have I in heaven but you and there is nothing on earth that I decide before you a staff realizes that only with God can have real joy and a real peace and a real reason to leave by the way you get tired of all the stuff that goes on or how many of you get tired. How many of you realize that time is short. Right well I just happened to have this rope. And went to be nice if I could find the end of it while everybody's looking. I tucked it in somewhere OK this is kind of scary but I wondered if you would all pass it along would you I'm going I don't want to hurt you it's my liability insurance human resources down the way I think I can throw this would you stretch it around the room little bit. Just pass it around so maybe we can make it all the way of it as far as it'll go is it going to get tangled now. You don't know how many times I wrapped it so it would be perfect just like I am. And my overgeneralizing just because it didn't go well in the last time I used it doesn't mean it won't go bad this time right. Self pity it probably won't go good in any of you see it over there and like not that big writing OK. All right Orange has it again. So this represents your life this is where it began on this earth this is when you were born and this is when you die so really now you're going to die and we are going along and we have a very short life span and this world where we have to really struggle with the way we're thinking and all the things the devil Suns to us we get really really tired but I want you to know that some day we get to the end and we have all eternity and we will live without any problems in our minds we won't have any of the problems that we have down here we won't have the sadness the sickness the deaths we will have this long life with God That's an infinity you can't see the end right hide it it's an infinity it's going all the way around the room like it will be forever we will live forever in eternity and so remember when you get really focused on the problems that you're having you have a very little time when you look at Google Earth you recognise that we're way out there and then you can start to focus and you see the continent of the United States and then you start to see your state and then you see your town and then you see your house. Why do we get so focused on where we're standing and what we're doing when God has this perspective is so great and he knows how to solve everything. Thank you and. We really need to recognize that God is in control of our lives and he wants to help us with everything Ellen White says in ministry of healing to 49 never be discouraged discouraged person can do nothing what they can do while. Satan is seeking to discourage you telling you it is no use to serve God that it does not pay and that is just as well to have pleasure and enjoyment in this world but what will it profit a man if you shall gain the whole world and lose his will so resist discouragement fight back God wants or a new your mind work really hard to take those thoughts and don't let the devil keep them feelings don't last you can remember you can change your feelings in just a minute words and actions do but they can be forgiven people you can't control but you can control how you are going to react to them when you have God in your heart. Be resilient don't let the devil get over on you recognize that you are growing that you are are still a product of God and he is working with you he can heal our mind can heal our infirmities he can lead people to us who can help us and we just need to be resilient I'm going to end with this little story about a little boy there was a young boy playing baseball all by himself in his backyard and he said I'm the greatest batter in the world they tosses the ball up in the air and he swings and he misses it. Undaunted he throws the ball up again says I'm the greatest batter in the world 2 misses. Inspects the ball when he looks at his bat nothing's wrong once again he tosses the ball up in the air and he says I am the greatest batter in the world he swings and he misses a strike 3 now he says wow I'm even a better picture. I like is attitude don't you know we need to have an attitude I think about Dan Callan's what he was amazing evangelists that we had here and he used to have some really bad things happen to him he used to walk into them he kept saying The Lord was with them but he would walk into a many go is that you can do devil that all. I don't know if you all remember him is like yeah. And we really need to say you know the devil can't get us down we will stay stable no matter what we will change the way we're thinking because God wants to give us a victory don't you want to be on the winning team. I do and that's what I pray for you is that you recognize that even though you have some burdens in your thinking that God and Jesus are there they're going to help you with what you're doing the Holy Spirit is here to impact us and it is a journey but don't give up because we'll be there soon let's pray Lord we just thank you that you see hope in us that you know our infirmities that you've been on this earth and know what it's like to think this way and to have the devil trying to insert thoughts may Lord we be wise and know when that's happening so that we can depend on you We know you want to lift our burdens and we thank you that you have forgiven us of our sin. We ask that you will help us to not get into these mind problems but you will help us to move forward so that we can be better represented you thank you for each person here and who they represent. 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